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GF lost all sex drive before our relationship became long distance

Tagged as: Dating, Long distance, Sex, Troubled relationships<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (29 September 2011) 2 Answers - (Newest, 29 September 2011)
A male United States age 30-35, anonymous writes:

My girlfriend left the country to study abroad for a year. We decided to go on with a Long Distance Relationship as I will visit every now and then, as will she. We used to have a very sexually active lifestyle before the news of her scholarship, but after the notice we went from 3 to 4 times a week to maybe once every two weeks or once a month! She had lost all sex drive and passion, even when kissing, or holding hands, hugging, etc. We hardly cuddled anymore. I guess she was to busy with getting everything ready to leave. I tried to help as much as I possibly could, so she wouldn't get tired and would look forward to sex, but this never happened.

I am about to go visit, and our lack of sex before she left (last time we did it was three weeks before she left) really has my self esteeme on the floor. I am too ashamed to even tease her as she cooled me off many times before leaving.

Is this normal? How should I handle this? I am sure she isn't getting it from anyone else, or even before she left, so please leave that scenario out.

View related questions: kissing, long distance, self esteem, sex drive

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A female reader, HoneyComb United States +, writes (29 September 2011):

Man, you are in your prime [sexually speaking], but you need to realize that this young lady has more important things on her mind...her future. And, if you want to be in it, stop measuring your relationship by how often you have sex. She deserves to know you value her more than that, so take time to know her better. Show you're genuinely interested in HER; find out what she's been up to, explore the country with her (how exciting to travel), be patient and supportive. Let her know how much you missed having her around to hang out with and remember that quality is better than quantity.

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A female reader, Aunty Susie Australia +, writes (29 September 2011):

Aunty Susie agony auntShe was probably scared stiff about the huge move she was making. Her brain would have been consumed with all the things that she had to organise before moving. I wouldn't take it to heart if I were you. Fear can put a dampener on passion. Just wait until you are with her, and then you will know. But I am sure that it will be all right. She will be settled hopefully, all things going well, and ready to start your 'Long Distant Relationship' with the passion that you used to get! Hope it all works out for you.

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