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... Send *indyCares a private message | | | *indyCares's profile:Hi everybody. I am an Italian woman currently living in Italy but I spent many years in England and USA. I hope my English is still decent but in case it got a little rusty, please be lenient.
My age ? Let say that I am way past the stage when you cry if the boy you like takes your best friend to the prom, and young enough to remember how awful that feels.
What qualifies me to help people- well, let me show off just a bit and mention that I studied Psychology 4 years in college, and, even if then I graduated in a different subject, I never lost my interest in psychology and kept reading a lot about this subject. Yet that does not really qualify me for anything because intellectual knowledge is not the same as real life experience. So let's say I feel I can advice people because I have lived a lot, travelled a lot, met a lot of people from all backgrounds , races and religions- I have loved a lot, and I have also been dumped a lot :)
Plus, I am really fascinated with people and their stories. Not in a gossipy way. I just find that every person is a whole new world that I am excited to discover.
Right now I am single- and happily so. I realized- better late than never - that rather than waiting for Prince Charming I should first become a Princess myself. You can't love anybody unconditionally, if first you don't love yourself unconditionally, and this is what I am learning to do.
Looking forward to hear from all of you..
Ciao
Cindy |
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| Latest articles: Devastation in Italy
This question has 2 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
26 August 2016: This has got nothing to do with romance or relationships or love- maybe with love for our fellow human beings, i.e. solidariety and compassion , so I hope that the mods will publish this regardless. On August 24th a devastating eartquak...
Ten best ways for a woman to be given her walking papers.
This question has 7 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
19 August 2014: Yeah I know : ultimately love is a mystery, not an exact science. There's always an element of sheer luck, of serendipity, of magic in it. Some times you do everything right, by the book, you are the perfect gf / wife / lover .. and you still get ...
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I miss the man that sexually abused me as a child! I want a friendship with him but can a leopard ever change it spots?
Q. I need some advice, When I was 13 I met a man who was almost 60, and we struck up a bizarre friendship. He understood me and advised me as I was having a lot of personal problems. He took care of me, he gave me lifts places, he listened to me, and i ...
A. 1 May 2010: Yes! Yes ! Yes ! What he has done- it WAS all bad. No amount of niceties and compliments will ever make up for what he has done to you. It was BAD.
Don't feel you are on your own. Go talk to your doctor. Go talk to your priest ( or the repr... (read in full...)
Manipulative best friend.
Q. my best friend i say loosely...her mother introduced me to her brother behind her back...and when we were introduced we hit it off right away...then she began telling him stuff like ..don't get into an arguement with her or she will scream and go ...
A. 30 April 2010: never say never,..who knows , maybe he will understand he made a mistake and he'll come back, but even if he does not... Princess,what are you talking about ?43 is YOUNG,nowadays. All the glossy magazines say "40 is the new 30 " now ! :)... (read in full...)
Manipulative best friend.
Q. my best friend i say loosely...her mother introduced me to her brother behind her back...and when we were introduced we hit it off right away...then she began telling him stuff like ..don't get into an arguement with her or she will scream and go ...
A. 30 April 2010: Hey Princess, if he broke up with you to please his sister..he was not a man worth having around but just a wuss ! You haven't lost that much ,really.... (read in full...)
What do guys consider a friend with benefits?
Q. What do guys consider a friend with benefits. I don't see a problem kissing someone, touching and possibly maybe giving a hand job or him fingering me as friend with benefits even if it happens a lot. I do think giving blow jobs, him going down...
A. 30 April 2010: darling, there are no magic words that can make people do what we want them to do against their will.
What you were planning to tell him is clear and sensible :
no, I am not gonna go any further because we are not on the same page and we want ... (read in full...)
Why after 8 years do I feel jealous that my wife has dated a black man?
Q. my wife of 2 yrs (together for 8 years), had mentioned casually that she dated a black guy in colllege. Now i feel like Im not good enough to satisfy her beause he was so much bigger. She also has dated a lot mofe guys than me and it makes me ...
A. 30 April 2010: Aw come on.
Maybe you don't realize that you imply that your wife is an idiot- you imply that all she cares about in a man is the size of his penis ( And by the way ,how do you know he was so much bigger than you. Did she say so, or are you assu... (read in full...)
It seems obvious that he does like me but I'm starting to wonder if I am just a warm body to cuddle with!
Q. Thanks in advance for reading - I know this is long. Let me tell you what's going on first, then give you more information. There's this guy friend of mine who I've kind of been seeing lately - it's nothing official, but there's definitely somet...
A. 30 April 2010: relax. You've met him just 3 weeks ago !
If you mean you'd like things getting more intimate between you ,all you've got to do is letting him know- non verbally. By your kisses caresses etc.
If you mean that you don't know if he wants to have a s... (read in full...)
Does losing his number mean we are not together?
Q. me and my boyfriend just started going out(he is my 1st boyfriendand im 14 years old and he is 17 years old).. my cousin hooked us up we spent time together (2 time only because he live in queens and i live in the bronxs) i havent talked 2 him eve...
A. 30 April 2010: Well,darling, I hate to tell you this, but... the fact that you lost his number does not mean that he lost yours. In two months he could have contacted you if he was interested, right ?
Don't stress about that- you are only 14, and the Bronx is f... (read in full...)
Her actions suggest one thing, her words another?
Q. There is a girl in my college..and we are best friends she lets me hold hands and is really comfortable with it.. she just broke up 6 months ago.She says that I am better than her ex.. but when i ask her out she says dat she doesn't love me.. s...
A. 30 April 2010: Girls can be very possessive with their male suitors.She loves being the center of your attentions and does not like to leave the spotlight to somebody else- that's normal too.
Anyway, if you have the patience to stick around for one more year... (read in full...)
No one remembers his birthday, should I greet him?
Q. Probably this question has been posted many times but I just missed the chance to read it. Last month, I told my ex that I prefer if we stop communicating. I have always asked him before but he would just pop out again about a week or two. But...
A. 30 April 2010: First you tell him you want to stop any contact then right after you send him birthday wishes ? You'd be sending him mixed signals. Let go.... (read in full...)
I like the wrong guy?!
Q. Okay, there are two potential boyfriends in my life: Guy A and Guy B. Guy A is totally perverted, kind of mean, but pretty good-looking. Guy B is really, really nice, smart, religious, outgoing, fun, and, on paper, my soul mate. The thing is, I like ...
A. 30 April 2010: I see plenty of letters on this site from girls having problems like yours and I never can understand why at age 16 girls feel they MUST choose between two options neither one they are convinced about.
Guy A is not boyfriend material,- guy B ther... (read in full...)
Why am I so worried about getting in a relationship?
Q. I am 25, and have never really been in a relationship. I have hooked up but have never had a legit girlfriend. I always kind of longed for one but I always told myself I wanted to wait until I got a career, had my fun, travel and all that. Fast ...
A. 30 April 2010: maybe you are the kind of person that feels he should have everything under control, so starting something over which you don't have total control triggers your anxiety.
It's a bit as if you were saying you won't buy a great car because it may ... (read in full...)
If they cheat once, will they always cheat again?
Q. My former best friend got out of a terrible divorce. Then he got together with another woman after the divorce who cheated on him with several people. He found out by catching her in bed with a guy from work. She slept around with other people from ...
A. 29 April 2010: Well,of course "once a cheater always a cheater " is not a scientific law but just a generalization with many possible exceptions.
It makes sense though that if the cheater got away with murder the first time he/she was caught - if he/she,as usua... (read in full...)
Manipulative best friend.
Q. my best friend i say loosely...her mother introduced me to her brother behind her back...and when we were introduced we hit it off right away...then she began telling him stuff like ..don't get into an arguement with her or she will scream and go ...
A. 29 April 2010: If this is your best friend, I can't imagine what your worst enemy is like.... (read in full...)
My girlfriend got so jealous she threw an iron at my head. Should I dump her?
Q. I have been dating someone for a year now and it has gotten to be very serious. I work the graveyard shift at a resturaunt and a few weeks ago I was very sick and didn't finish my shift. One of the waitresses is a very dear friend of mine liv...
A. 29 April 2010: Laura1318,this is not about the future, it has already happened.
She threw an iron at him and sent him to the hospital.
She does not need to repeat that. Once is more than enough.... (read in full...)
Her actions suggest one thing, her words another?
Q. There is a girl in my college..and we are best friends she lets me hold hands and is really comfortable with it.. she just broke up 6 months ago.She says that I am better than her ex.. but when i ask her out she says dat she doesn't love me.. s...
A. 29 April 2010:
She told you what is going on in her mind. That she likes u- as her best friend- but she is not in love with you.
she got you confused with the hand holding but for some people it is just a sign of affection, not love or passion.... (read in full...)
I miss the man that sexually abused me as a child! I want a friendship with him but can a leopard ever change it spots?
Q. I need some advice, When I was 13 I met a man who was almost 60, and we struck up a bizarre friendship. He understood me and advised me as I was having a lot of personal problems. He took care of me, he gave me lifts places, he listened to me, and i ...
A. 29 April 2010: Sweetheart,pls. stay very very far away from this man.
You say you have nobody to talk to.
Talk to US.
You can PM me if you feel too down and lonely. And I am sure other aunts too would be glad to give you support .... (read in full...)
I'm 9 weeks pregnant but have no symptoms! Is my baby ok?
Q. im 9 weeks pregnant. im worried because i haven't had hardly any pregnancy symptoms, i have not had any sickness, at first i had really sore boobs but now they are fine and not sore at all, the only three things i have had is urinating a bit more ...
A. 29 April 2010: In the first 3 months of my pregnancy I suffered from Hyperemesis Gravidarum ( excessive vomiting ) which only affects less than one percent of pregnant women and at the end of the third month I had lost 18 pounds just by being sick.
Would you like... (read in full...)
How long should a girl stick around for just because she loves the guy?
Q. Hi out there. I was wondering if anyone has rekindled a relationship with someone who it just wasn't working with originally, and managed to resolve the issues? Problem is, I'm head over heels for this guy who I've spent most of my adult life wi...
A. 29 April 2010: This may sound heartless , but I think trying to rekindle is both difficult and not a great idea.
If you were already his wife, and he develops depression, then you can't just wash your hands of it and you have to be there for him.
But you ... (read in full...)
Bad experiences with guys, I'm starting to think there's something seriously wrong with me!
Q. ok so i know to a lot of people this would sound like a ridiculous question and i would deny it was true if it was happening to someone else but it's not and i'm having a really hard time convincing myself that there's nothing wrong with me. So to ...
A. 29 April 2010: There's absolutely nothing wrong with you, we are only speaking about two bad relationships and most women need to kiss a few toads before they find their prince. Just be selective in the choice of your mates and keep in mind that 's better being ... (read in full...)
My girlfriend got so jealous she threw an iron at my head. Should I dump her?
Q. I have been dating someone for a year now and it has gotten to be very serious. I work the graveyard shift at a resturaunt and a few weeks ago I was very sick and didn't finish my shift. One of the waitresses is a very dear friend of mine liv...
A. 29 April 2010: I do not want to polemize with my fellow aunts and I respect everybody's opinion even when I do not share it.
But I am- well,amazed. Is it just me who thinks it's NEVER ok being physically abusive no matter what the transgression is ?
The g... (read in full...)
My girlfriend got so jealous she threw an iron at my head. Should I dump her?
Q. I have been dating someone for a year now and it has gotten to be very serious. I work the graveyard shift at a resturaunt and a few weeks ago I was very sick and didn't finish my shift. One of the waitresses is a very dear friend of mine liv...
A. 29 April 2010: I have to disagree with the other posters.
She threw you an iron,for Pete's sake. You had to get stitches over your eye. One inch of difference in the iron's trajectory and she could have blinded you. Then,she got into a fistfight with your frie... (read in full...)
Girl rejects me and then wants to talk to me. Whats her deal?
Q. So I ask this one girl out very nicely (just asked if she wanted to go to a show my cousin is playing at and grab dinner or something) and she said she had something to do. So i dint know if she was rejecting me or if she actually had something to ...
A. 29 April 2010: Ah well-they say everybody deserves a second chance :)... (read in full...)
My baby only has his top canines! Is this normal?
Q. my baby has his two bottom incisors and instead of cutting the top incisors he is cutting the top canines...is this normal?...
A. 29 April 2010: Generally babies will cut their top incisors between 8 and 10 months of age, and top canines between 16 and 24 months.
But it's very individual, there are plenty of exceptions to the general rule. ... (read in full...)
Does he like me or is he craving sex?
Q. Hey everyone, i have a dilemma that isn't putting my life on hold, but i'm still a little nervous. Lately i've noticed this cute-ish guy watching me; it's getting a little bizarre. He usually stares at me deviously, or attempts to touch me "uninte...
A. 29 April 2010: I vote for sex craving.
Well, the boy is young and cannot be expected to ba as glib as an older guy, yet if he liked you he would have come up with something less primitive than "you look hot "... (read in full...)
My family hasn't even met my g/f and already they don't like her!
Q. Ok. Basic story I had a great relationship of 7 1/2 years but there was always something missing, I always wondered if there was someone else out there. Well that someone came along, I really started to like this person because I work with her. It ...
A. 29 April 2010: Sure they can get over it. In time. When they see you are serious about her and your relationship, and that you were not just seeking the thrill of a sex fling.And when they see that she makes you happy.
Don't demand though that they must love... (read in full...)
Girlfriend doesn't want sex.
Q. I'm a college student with a girlfriend of 6 months. We've recently been talking about sex and she mentioned that she does not want to have sex anytime in the near future. We have only been making out with a little groping etc. She is quite high ...
A. 29 April 2010: Did you ask her exactly way she does not want to have sex ? Because it would be very different whehter it is because she wants to wait until marriage ( which would cut you out of the picture ) or if she has hang ups and fears that you could instead ... (read in full...)
Is it true that all you need is love?
Q. me and my boyf have been with each other for over 3 years and he really is such an amazing guy but he has anxiety problems which he has had for over 2 yrs and it has hit our relationship hard. He never goes out or does anything but sits in the hous...
A. 29 April 2010: Your bf has oroblems that require specialized help ,not only the anxiety disorder but it sounds he's also depressed,or maybe he has social phobia ,anyway if he does not seek treatment you can't fix these problems for him.
You are being patient and ... (read in full...)
Why didn't I bleed after losing my virginity? My boyfriend doesn't believe me now!
Q. am a virgin i had sex for the first time with my boyfriend and no bleeding and now my boyfriend think am not a virgin he thinks that i have had sex with somelse. but i know am a virgin , i swear, and don't know why no bleedig i really need help...
A. 28 April 2010: The hymen is an elastic membrane with a small opening in the middle to let menstrual blood flow. In nearly 50% of cases it does not get "broken " but simply yields to penetration with no,or very very little, blood or pain.
Some girls are born... (read in full...)
Mixed signals, what should I do?
Q. I cant get over him... me and my bf broke up and after 1 week later we got back together.. the reason why I broke up cause I didint trust him cause his some words contradicting with each other.. then we talked and told him that I will trust him... ...
A. 28 April 2010: You don't know what to do because you decided to believe that when he says " I love you " or " I miss you " he seriously means it.
Start challenging this believe . See first if his actions match his words;talk is cheap.
... (read in full...)
Is their brother-sister relationship abnormal?
Q. Brother- Sister situation My boyfriend (27 years old)and his sister (24 years) have a relation that makes me very uncomfortable because- 1. They don't mind walking in to each other when one of them is actually using the bathroom like in the tub...
A. 28 April 2010: It may not be abnormal in the sense of commiting incest because you have no elements enough to suspect that.
but it's abnormal in the sense they totally lack a healthy sense of boundaries.
Sorry but I don't understand when people say : well it'... (read in full...)
Would you tell him with words or body language if you didn't like the increase physical affection?
Q. Girls, if you had a male best friend who admitted he liked you but you felt you wasn't ready for a relationship (for any reason but for example because you've been hurt in the past), how would you react if your male best friend gradually started to ...
A. 28 April 2010: Not necessarily. Many women just love getting male attention and until your gestures remain affectionate but respectful and non-sexual, they would not discourage them. It's an ego thing.
Perhaps you should talk to her and just ask her what she feel... (read in full...)
I have a bad feeling about my boyfriend moving out on his own
Q. alrighty , my boyfriend moved away for work about 2 months ago , we've had our rough spots but so far everythings going good , the problem is when he got there and till right now hes been living with his uncle but now hes talking about moveing out ...
A. 28 April 2010: He is in a rush to move out because any young person would rather live on his own than with his uncle no matter how wonderful the uncle can be. And it bothers you so much because you are jealous and in the back of your mind you fear he can use his ... (read in full...)
I want to move to a better life, but I don't want to lose everyone I know
Q. **for the last several months my sister and i have been planning to move to north carolina, the plan was she was leaving in july with her husband and kids and i was going in december. i was very excited to leave and start a new life, away from all ...
A. 28 April 2010: Move. It's a GOOD thing that you won't have mommy by your side,ready to help you with any little thing, eventually everybody has got to grow up and learn to deal with challenges and fight their battles by themselves. As for your best friend- If I ... (read in full...)
He says he's not a sexual person...what about my needs?
Q. It's been 3 years and 10 months that nothing has changed between me and my boyfriend. He does change but then he goes back to his old ways. In the beginning, we were at our honeymoon stage and after that, everything just went down hill. When i ask ...
A. 28 April 2010: If at 24 he only wants to have sex once a month, by the time you are 34 and married it will be down to once a year.
It's true that people have different sex drives and very often they need to compromise and make adjustments about the quan... (read in full...)
I'm feeling different and bi-curious since losing my virginity
Q. hey everyone, ive been totally feeling different ever since i lost my virginity. heres how it started, i went on this 1 mobile chat site and met up with this 1 woman. we went to her place and... did it. she was nice and kind but its just that sex ...
A. 28 April 2010: While it's not unusual at all having fantasies or being curios about same-sex experiences,I think you feel this way just because you have discovered a simple basic truth :
peformational sex, without feelings or without at least a strong phys... (read in full...)
Are my dreams guiding me to be with her, or misleading me?
Q. I've been having dreams this past week about a girl I like; all which has been consecutive. She is one of my good friends who lives down the hall in the dorms. In the dreams, we are usually just hanging out doing whatever. Over each dream I have, we ...
A. 28 April 2010: The language of dreams is a symbolic ,not a literal one.
If you dream you are in love with Mary, it may not literally mean that you are in love with Mary. It may mean that your emotional needs are not currently being met, that you feel a need for ... (read in full...)
I like them both but which one do I choose?
Q. i have a boyfriend who on the scale of 1-10 i like him 8. but i like this other boy loads and on a scale of 1-10 i like 9. i thought i loved my boyfriend, but he really really shy and im getting really bored of it, we have snogged once but he hasnt ...
A. 28 April 2010: See?..Then you have your answer :don't do unto others...
Sorry my dear, I understand you may be confused,but I mantain my opinion. If while you are dating a boy, and in the meantime you are always thinking about someone else, and having misg... (read in full...)
Does he love me if he feels the need to cheat?
Q. My boyfriend and I were dating for 4 years, until about 2 months ago. We broke up due to mutual decisions, which we both realise now are trivial compared to how much we love each other and want to be together. While we were broken up, I slept with ...
A. 28 April 2010: Not only it's not fair,it's also immature,childish in fact. It's the kind of revenge a 13 years old would think of.
Two wrongs don't make a right- and, as you pointed out, you two were not together when you slept with the other guy. He wants to get ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend went to a different state to visit another girl, is she just a friend?
Q. So i've been with my boyfriend for a little over a year now. We've had our share of the roller coaster. We broke up for 3 months because of him talking to other girls and hiding it from me. But we both realized that we still love each other and ...
A. 28 April 2010: I would never drive 3 hours just to see a friend of mine
play soccer. And I am one who takes friendship very seriously.
I know that you are scared of leaving him because you do not want to go through hell again. But ask yourself if staying ... (read in full...)
I feel like guys don't want to date me because I look so young
Q. Hi, I jsut wondered what people think about people who look quite a lot younger than they are. I am 22 and some people have recently told me I only look about 18. Sometimes I often personally think that I even look younger than 18. I have st...
A. 28 April 2010: I think maybe it's more a problem of self confidence than of looking younger. I don't think that a guy your age would be put off by a girl that looks 18 but acts,talks and carry herself like a 22 y.o., I suppose he should find that attractive.
A... (read in full...)
Why did she do this? Is there a chance of getting her back?
Q. ok, my girlfriend and i have been dating for 6 months but weve been 'TOGETHER" for a year, and she broke up with me...because she says she doesnt ever think she will ever love me.. but yet she is miserable..now that were broke up.. even tho we had a ...
A. 28 April 2010: You do not give many details so mine is just a guess but maybe she meant the classic " I love you but I am not in love with you ". Everything was fine,no fights, etc. but perhaps she did not feel that "butterfles in the stomach " kind of sensation ... (read in full...)
He says that he loves me, but he dumped me, what's going on?
Q. My ex is STILL saying he loves me, it has been a month since he dumped me. I told him to stop saying this to me but he said no, and that he would always love and care about me. He said,why can't you accept my love,whatever form it is in?..What does ...
A. 28 April 2010: I guess that after all it's a matter of semantics and of the meaning you give to the word "love".
I think he does not mean "love" like being in love. If you take away the romantic implications, sure you can love a someone who is not your part... (read in full...)
I like them both but which one do I choose?
Q. i have a boyfriend who on the scale of 1-10 i like him 8. but i like this other boy loads and on a scale of 1-10 i like 9. i thought i loved my boyfriend, but he really really shy and im getting really bored of it, we have snogged once but he hasnt ...
A. 27 April 2010: This is called passive-aggressive behaviour,and it does not feel that great whan you are on the receiving end of it. In fact, it feels rather horrible. But you will realize it only when it happens to you . Then maybe you'll change your mind about ... (read in full...)
Girl rejects me and then wants to talk to me. Whats her deal?
Q. So I ask this one girl out very nicely (just asked if she wanted to go to a show my cousin is playing at and grab dinner or something) and she said she had something to do. So i dint know if she was rejecting me or if she actually had something to ...
A. 26 April 2010: Why should she be pitying you ? She was acting normal- you see someone you know,you go say hi.
Don't overstress about that. Just ignore her.
You can't stop her from showing up at the frat, and you can't assume she is showing up just because ... (read in full...)
Mixed signals, what should I do?
Q. I cant get over him... me and my bf broke up and after 1 week later we got back together.. the reason why I broke up cause I didint trust him cause his some words contradicting with each other.. then we talked and told him that I will trust him... ...
A. 24 April 2010: He is keeping you as his back up plan,or spare tyre. He's obviously involved in other stories, or trying to get involved- but he likes to know that if plan A does not work you'll make a very convenient,readily available plan B. Why does not he ... (read in full...)
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