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... Send *indyCares a private message | | | *indyCares's profile:Hi everybody. I am an Italian woman currently living in Italy but I spent many years in England and USA. I hope my English is still decent but in case it got a little rusty, please be lenient.
My age ? Let say that I am way past the stage when you cry if the boy you like takes your best friend to the prom, and young enough to remember how awful that feels.
What qualifies me to help people- well, let me show off just a bit and mention that I studied Psychology 4 years in college, and, even if then I graduated in a different subject, I never lost my interest in psychology and kept reading a lot about this subject. Yet that does not really qualify me for anything because intellectual knowledge is not the same as real life experience. So let's say I feel I can advice people because I have lived a lot, travelled a lot, met a lot of people from all backgrounds , races and religions- I have loved a lot, and I have also been dumped a lot :)
Plus, I am really fascinated with people and their stories. Not in a gossipy way. I just find that every person is a whole new world that I am excited to discover.
Right now I am single- and happily so. I realized- better late than never - that rather than waiting for Prince Charming I should first become a Princess myself. You can't love anybody unconditionally, if first you don't love yourself unconditionally, and this is what I am learning to do.
Looking forward to hear from all of you..
Ciao
Cindy |
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| Latest articles: Devastation in Italy
This question has 2 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
26 August 2016: This has got nothing to do with romance or relationships or love- maybe with love for our fellow human beings, i.e. solidariety and compassion , so I hope that the mods will publish this regardless. On August 24th a devastating eartquak...
Ten best ways for a woman to be given her walking papers.
This question has 7 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
19 August 2014: Yeah I know : ultimately love is a mystery, not an exact science. There's always an element of sheer luck, of serendipity, of magic in it. Some times you do everything right, by the book, you are the perfect gf / wife / lover .. and you still get ...
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Mixed signals, what should I do?
Q. I cant get over him... me and my bf broke up and after 1 week later we got back together.. the reason why I broke up cause I didint trust him cause his some words contradicting with each other.. then we talked and told him that I will trust him... ...
A. 28 April 2010: You don't know what to do because you decided to believe that when he says " I love you " or " I miss you " he seriously means it.
Start challenging this believe . See first if his actions match his words;talk is cheap.
... (read in full...)
We want to have sex but my poor body image is getting in the way
Q. I just started dating this guy I've liked for over a year and he's very sexy and wants to go further than I feel comfortable. Well it's not that Im uncomfortable, I'm more self consious. Half because I'm afraid he won't like the way i look or feel ...
A. 25 April 2010: So true,Rescuer.
Last week I was at my mum's house, distractly leafing through old family pictures. My eye fell on a young pretty brunette, I said : Oh how cute, who is she ?
Believe it or not, it was me at 18. I was adorable !
If I thin... (read in full...)
Dealing with a bratty girlfriend?
Q. The more I learn about my girlfriend, the more I get turned off. In short, my girlfriend is bratty, and I feel is borderline gold-digger. Ironically, she knows that I think this, and will try to clean my image of her up by saying things like, "I ...
A. 25 April 2010: How frustrating- it seems I am not able to convey clearly my idea. Let me try once more and then I promise that forever I'll hold my peace :) Let me tacle it from another angle .
The original poster mentions diamond rings, strapless gowns and lot ... (read in full...)
Dealing with a bratty girlfriend?
Q. The more I learn about my girlfriend, the more I get turned off. In short, my girlfriend is bratty, and I feel is borderline gold-digger. Ironically, she knows that I think this, and will try to clean my image of her up by saying things like, "I ...
A. 25 April 2010: Not fair,Heartfullalove. You twist the sense of my posting. The key words,there,were "tradition" and "traditional". I never meant that one should be slave to tradition;au contraire. You don't need an engagement ring to get married - you can skip it ... (read in full...)
Dealing with a bratty girlfriend?
Q. The more I learn about my girlfriend, the more I get turned off. In short, my girlfriend is bratty, and I feel is borderline gold-digger. Ironically, she knows that I think this, and will try to clean my image of her up by saying things like, "I ...
A. 24 April 2010: Lonely Two, and FierceBadRabbit, I agree with you ,what really matters is the love represented by the symbol, and not the symbol, and if people would remember it they would save time and money and wouldn't have to run around like beheaded chickens ... (read in full...)
My dad's best friend is becoming too forward with me
Q. I am unsure of what to do in an increasingly complex situation. Theres this man who works for my dad, has done for the last 5 years. He has lived with us for 2, as his 'home' its too far to travel every day to work, he goes home to his wife at the ...
A. 24 April 2010: Are you kidding ?? DO make a fuss. A BIG fuss.... (read in full...)
Dealing with a bratty girlfriend?
Q. The more I learn about my girlfriend, the more I get turned off. In short, my girlfriend is bratty, and I feel is borderline gold-digger. Ironically, she knows that I think this, and will try to clean my image of her up by saying things like, "I ...
A. 24 April 2010: You are gonna hate me for saying this :) but your gf is not being totally unreasonable here. Possibly she might be a tad less demanding, ok- but she does not deserve such an harsh judgement if you consider that :
- the bride,and the bride only... (read in full...)
Would you consider me a slut?
Q. i've slept with 13 people, i'm 17, does this make me a slut?...
A. 24 April 2010: The anonymous male reader is really very very blunt in his response ( come on, anonymous male reader ! She's just seventeen after all! ) but he makes a good point when he says what matter is whether YOU think you are a slut or not. It's not like ... (read in full...)
Am I a bad person for cutting off contact with him?
Q. I\'m always making the effort ringing and chasing my long distance boyfriend who has been verbally abusive to me at times and doesn't make the effort anymore. I'm finding it difficult to let go as he sends texts and rings and I reply/go running to ...
A. 24 April 2010: If you give him your new phone number, you are NOT cutting contacts.
No,you are not a bad person if you omit explaining him what you have already explained him time and time again. and no, he does not deserve any further explanation. ... (read in full...)
How can I still like him in secret without blushing or talking too much?
Q. Every time that this guy talks to me, I get as red as a lobster. I really like him, but I wish I could stay stealthy. Sometimes when he talks to me, he looks uncomfortable, and his eyes sometimes focus into mine, or dart around the room nervously. ...
A. 24 April 2010: blush away all you want,sweetheart.
If he does not like you, it's not that your blushing will make him hate you, probably he won't even pay attention to it.
and if he does like you... he'll find your blushing sweet and endearing and sort of ... (read in full...)
My ex and I finally had our first conversation since breaking up...and I thought it was a disaster. Is this typical of every first conversation with an ex?
Q. Well doesn't seem like things are looking too good =( I finally had my first conversation with my ex after a month and a half since we broke up and over 3 weeks of no contact. As I've mentioned before she told me in her emails few days ago that she...
A. 24 April 2010: I am not quite sure that I have understood what exactly is your problem - anyway I feel there's too much strategy and tactics and complications here.
Simplicity is the key to solving problems.
Did she break off with you, and you want to get her ... (read in full...)
Mixed signals, what should I do?
Q. I cant get over him... me and my bf broke up and after 1 week later we got back together.. the reason why I broke up cause I didint trust him cause his some words contradicting with each other.. then we talked and told him that I will trust him... ...
A. 24 April 2010: He is keeping you as his back up plan,or spare tyre. He's obviously involved in other stories, or trying to get involved- but he likes to know that if plan A does not work you'll make a very convenient,readily available plan B. Why does not he ... (read in full...)
I know he's going to ask me out but I still love a guy who ignores me!
Q. so basically this guy in my class start to talk to me an were pretty good friends now an he has a crush on me an we kissed, i know hes going to ask me out next time we chill an i want to say yes but i still love this other guy who lives 2 hours away ...
A. 24 April 2010: You do not sound much interested in the guy who's gonna sk you out,it sound like you basically see him as a good pal, regardless of your crush. Right now going out with him you'be wasting his time and yours.... (read in full...)
She likes me but doesn't want to end current relationship
Q. she told me that her current relationship wasnt going so well, and that she liked me, but she doesnt want to end her relationship... what should i do?...
A. 24 April 2010: if she does not want to end her current relationship, probably the relationship is not that bad after all, or she is working on improving it.
find yourself an unattached girl.... (read in full...)
Was my husband having lustful thoughts?
Q. myself and my husband we had been out for a picnic with a group of friends and their was a female who had worn revealing clothes my husband would look at her in breaks as we were together all the time eating and drinking does this show he was ...
A. 24 April 2010: There's a very fine line between aesthetic admiration and erotic attraction. Most men can think "this girl lokks good " and imagine her naked in the same flash of thought.
So? no big deal, it's not like they do it on purpose,it's biology. If I were... (read in full...)
I think about our make out sessions, is it weird or will I get over it in time?
Q. ok has this happened to anyone before?please share your experience.. when i was 18 years old i was dating this guy who was a soap star and he was 20 and then he had just worked in 1 show and i started dating him after the show got over.it was very...
A. 24 April 2010: You will get over it , and you will get over it sooner if you switch channels and watch another show :)... (read in full...)
Husband says I am smother him and he needs space but I rarely see him!
Q. Hi, my husband and I have only been married for 1 1/2 months. He has said on more than one occasion that I am basically smothering him and he needs space. He works in the mornings from about 6:30 am till 4pm and get home around 5 or 5:30 pm, I leave ...
A. 24 April 2010: It depends how you act during those 4 hours.
If you want his constant attention, if you are always kissing and hugging him, if you want to chat non-stop,if you follow him around the house, then yes, he may feel smothered.
I am not accusing... (read in full...)
I keep running into that hot personal trainer, should I make a move?
Q. Okay, so I have been hitting the gym hard this year...really investing in my overall well being. Then one day as I 'm working out I notice this personal trainer and boy was he HOTTTTTT!!!! Killer body, beautiful smile, tall, i mean just gorgeous. ...
A. 24 April 2010: Wait for him to make his move.
I am not at all against women taking the initiative- when the guy is shy, when time is of essence, when for some reason there's a stalemate in communication.
But in your case, you've just seen him 3 times- for a b... (read in full...)
Blast from the past--is he mocking me or could he like me too?
Q. This guy i used to like at school has just sent me some sexual messages on facebook chat . i have't spoken to him or seen him since we left school ten years ago. He knew i liked him back then ,but i never found out if he liked me, and it was hard ...
A. 24 April 2010: I would not waste any sleep over that. This guy is neither mocking you nor romancing you. He's just killing time on Facebook,without any particular meaning or intent.... (read in full...)
How do you confess your feelings without risking a friendship?
Q. How do you find the confidence to risk a wonderful friendship for something more? I'm in love with a good friend who is in a relationship. I can't work up the nerve to tell her how I feel. Every time I think about doing it, my heart races and ...
A. 23 April 2010: You said she is ina relationship already- therefore ,supposedly , she does NOT feel the same way as you- you already know you'd get a negative response so in these conditions your idea of revealing her your feeling does not make much sense. ... (read in full...)
I dreamt I had a penis and had sex with a woman! Why does this all mean?
Q. This is a really personal dream. I mean – I feel weird about being open about this but I really want to know what it meant… Before I begin, anyone reading this should understand that I’m female in real life. I’m heterosexual. And yes, I've had a ...
A. 23 April 2010: Your dream would make dear old Dr. Freud smile with pleasure : penis envy ! The fact is that many women, as some conscious or subsconsious level, envy penises and their owners not because they want to have sex with a women, or because they don't ... (read in full...)
Will I look back and regret sleeping with a 46 year old man?
Q. Hi, thanks for your time, I'm 17 and the guy I'm having casual sex with is man who is 46, with the benifit of hindsight will I look back and think what he is doing is wrong? It's just a pattern I've noticed throught life, as I get older I look bac...
A. 23 April 2010: will you regret it ? Who knows. My advice would be not to do things if they activate within you this persistent little nagging voice which says "you're gonna regret this one day ". You usually gonna hear it before robbing a bank. Or shaving ... (read in full...)
I beleive my husband loves somebody else, how can we repair our marriage?
Q. my husband.loves me as a wife.he has fallen in love.he also remain in contect with his college and says she is just a friend.and his love is virtual.he feels his part is missing he does not forget her.but he is mine and will be till the end of his ...
A. 23 April 2010: Ok darling- tell me something, I am afraid I did not understand. Explain me so perhaps I can give you advice.
Has your husband at least accepted to end his emotional affair ? Has he accepted to cut contacts with that woman ? ( If he said yes and ... (read in full...)
I can't bear the thought that I've reached the age of 19 with zero experience.
Q. Ok so i asked a question here a couple of days ago. The thing is im 19 and a virgin still, and i feel really worried and down over it. The people who answered were great and it helped but i think they thought i was just obsessed with sex and losing ...
A. 23 April 2010: I cannot reassure you about the first part of your question- when will you lose your virginity,because honestly I have no idea.
But I can reassure you about the second . if you find a girl that's not a virgin, she will be very probably happy and ... (read in full...)
Should I really have a baby with this kind of man?
Q. am having a problem with my boyfriend,we are for ever arguing even if its a small mistake that comes up. he just got rude with me since he found out that i cheated on him. sometimes he even just want to beat me while he also cheats with other ...
A. 23 April 2010: So you love him ,ok. And do you love yourself ? At least a little bit ? Or do you think that as a partner you don't deserve anything better than a man who cheats on you and beats you all the time ?...... (read in full...)
How do I get this girl to hang out with me?
Q. There’s this girl I work with who I have a crush on (we’re both grad.-student/teachers). I never see her at school, but we talk on Facebook chat frequently--I usually initiate the conversation. At any rate, she seems receptive, and always has a ...
A. 23 April 2010: If she does not even want to hang out as friends, she may be very possibly have a boyfriend- have you thought of that ?... (read in full...)
Is this a new trend? Twenty-somethings hitting on 40-somethings?
Q. To all of the men out there. I am 48 years old and have been getting hit up on by gorgeous guys in thier early 20's. Is this a new trend going on? Are these guys just looking for sex? FYI i have not been going out with any of them because of the ...
A. 23 April 2010: Welcome to Cougartown :)
Yes,most of the guys are looking just for a casual sexual experience. Not all of them, of course - it may sound strange but there ARE guys in their 20s that prefer older women for their self confidence,mental matu... (read in full...)
Closeted lesbian, homophobic society and loveless relationship, please help!
Q. I am a 30yr old lesbian from a small town in India. I have a problem which is weighing my heart down because ending my 5 yr relationship seems to be the only solution, i can formulate. I hope you will be patient in reading my letter and giving me ...
A. 23 April 2010: Dear lin1980,
I think nobody would blame for wanting to appease everybody in your situation. Life is difficult for gay people even in Western countries and in India it must be even more challenging. Not everybody was born a hero. Plus, by gett... (read in full...)
Odd Relationship. An Unbalanced Relationship? How Do I Balance us/ Make This Work?
Q. I'm a little confused my "bf" and i have an odd relationship.We see and speak to each other almost daily.I go over at night mainly - we go out, watch movies, play pool etc.When drunk he practically loves me and seems insecure, jealous..fiesty. He ...
A. 23 April 2010: Alcoholic people have a tendency to be loving and affectionate when they are drunk- and distant,selfish and self absorbed when they are not. You can't have a balanced relationship with an alcoholic because it's his whole life that's out of balance. ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend drinks and won't be consistantly decent to me
Q. Hello, Me and my boyfriend have been dating for around 4 months nearly now and yesterday we got into a bit of an argument because he needed help with something and I turned it around on myself because I was in a mess too (I suffer from severe d...
A. 23 April 2010: The only effective advice one can give you is the one which I am afraid you will not follow- leave him.
This guy is not your husband ( luckily ) your son or your father, you haven't the least moral obligation to nurse him through is drinking prob... (read in full...)
Engaged to one man but still love another.
Q. Please bare with me. This is a rather long one. I had been dating two different men for a brief time. It was not at the same time, just back and forth. Man number 1 was the one I was absolutely smitten with. He had commitment issues. Man numb...
A. 23 April 2010: Marrying man number two would be callous and exploitative. So clearly yourheart is not into that - number two was your default choice, your "in lack of better ". I am sure in time you have developed feelings for him and appreciated him for his ... (read in full...)
Closeted lesbian, homophobic society and loveless relationship, please help!
Q. I am a 30yr old lesbian from a small town in India. I have a problem which is weighing my heart down because ending my 5 yr relationship seems to be the only solution, i can formulate. I hope you will be patient in reading my letter and giving me ...
A. 23 April 2010: By all means, try salvaging your relationship if you feel that's what you should do- but I suggest you giving yourself a time limit- 6 months, or whatever you see fit.
Just please do not hang in there indefinitely hoping in momentous changes whic... (read in full...)
Closeted lesbian, homophobic society and loveless relationship, please help!
Q. I am a 30yr old lesbian from a small town in India. I have a problem which is weighing my heart down because ending my 5 yr relationship seems to be the only solution, i can formulate. I hope you will be patient in reading my letter and giving me ...
A. 23 April 2010: It's not loosing your partner which could kill you,it's continuing to stay with her which could kill you.
She does not accept you as a lover and as a partner, she makes fun of your attempts to revive passion. You love her less and less and don'... (read in full...)
Is there any hope for this marriage after 25 years?
Q. Hi, i last wrote for help around a month ago. I was so desperately sad for my husband and the situation that we were in as a family. My husband lost his mum around a year ago and was treating me very badly, so bad I would just cry for days and feel...
A. 23 April 2010: In my opinion, yes,this has now gone too far and at the point of no return, and I think the main problem here is not that he has lied to you and deceived you for years but that he is an alcoholic or fast on his way to become one . Unluckily your ... (read in full...)
Dominated by wife and in need of some advice.
Q. hi, i am indian husband, just married to beautiful girl four months ago....she is very dominating in our relationship. She earns almost double than me, she forciblly insisting me for leaving my job and be full time househusband. She wants me to do ...
A. 23 April 2010: It's difficult to understand why would you want to stay married with her,then. I guess you already know you'll have to find the strength and say no to this abuse. It can only become worse if you do not fight for your dignity.... (read in full...)
Dominated by wife and in need of some advice.
Q. hi, i am indian husband, just married to beautiful girl four months ago....she is very dominating in our relationship. She earns almost double than me, she forciblly insisting me for leaving my job and be full time househusband. She wants me to do ...
A. 22 April 2010: Why does she want you to do all the houhold work ? Could you simply share the house chores, or take turns ? Couldn't you just hire a maid, or a part time cleaning lady ?... (read in full...)
I beleive my husband loves somebody else, how can we repair our marriage?
Q. my husband.loves me as a wife.he has fallen in love.he also remain in contect with his college and says she is just a friend.and his love is virtual.he feels his part is missing he does not forget her.but he is mine and will be till the end of his ...
A. 22 April 2010: Hi, I was gonna answer your postiung of April 21st saying, ok, try to relax, do not nag him, do not pester him, he may be still thinking about her, but after all he has cut contact with her and he is staying with you...
But I read yr posting of t... (read in full...)
I see her point of view, does she see mine?!
Q. I am in love with a woman at work. She knows that and has been a very good friend. We hang out every now and then and talk to each other lots everyday. I had recently proposed to her to give our relationship a chance. She asked me to wait and give ...
A. 22 April 2010: And your point of view would be....?
That,since you are unilaterally in love with her, it's OK for you to snoop into her private correspondence ?....
Uhm. Very difficult she may see it this way.
all you can do is to wait that hopefully in... (read in full...)
Should I really have a baby with this kind of man?
Q. am having a problem with my boyfriend,we are for ever arguing even if its a small mistake that comes up. he just got rude with me since he found out that i cheated on him. sometimes he even just want to beat me while he also cheats with other ...
A. 22 April 2010: Come on, you know the answer already. It's NO.... (read in full...)
Should I move, or stay here to let him see the kids?
Q. I found out my husband of 9 years (together for 16) was having a 4 year affair with his office manager on Christmas of last year. We decided to try to repair our marriage for the sake of our two children ages 6 and 4. I was willing to forgive his ...
A. 22 April 2010: Your children's wellbeing comes first. If your spouse is a rotten husband but a good,loving dad, you should stay where you are and restart your life from there.... (read in full...)
How do I express my feelings better?
Q. I'm looking for advice on how to express my feelings better. I've never been the one to share my feelings, to hug people, to cry and so on. I feel that it makes me vulnerable to others and therefore I don't like to reveal how I feel. I appear s...
A. 22 April 2010: First of all ,a round of applause to you for not being all gushy and sentimental and easily spouting off words that retain a deep meaning only when used sparingly.
This is the only fault I find in the English language, which I find otherwise extr... (read in full...)
Should I even try to save my relationship?
Q. Hello everybody, I need some advice so i turn to you. I am in a relationship with a good person for 2 and a half years. We've had our ups and downs, as everybody i guess, but every time we managed to get through it. I am 20 he is 21 and we've li...
A. 22 April 2010: Have you ever considered a third alternative ? Like,letting go of both guys and be on your own for a while ?
You are not in love with first guy anymore and it seems to me it's a waste of energy tryng to save a relationship which basically does not ... (read in full...)
I beleive my husband loves somebody else, how can we repair our marriage?
Q. my husband.loves me as a wife.he has fallen in love.he also remain in contect with his college and says she is just a friend.and his love is virtual.he feels his part is missing he does not forget her.but he is mine and will be till the end of his ...
A. 6 April 2010: If you want you can send a private message to my mailbox on this site. It will not be posted and I'll be the only one to read it. I hope to hear from you- and in the meantime just stay cool and don't freak out , ok ? :)... (read in full...)
I beleive my husband loves somebody else, how can we repair our marriage?
Q. my husband.loves me as a wife.he has fallen in love.he also remain in contect with his college and says she is just a friend.and his love is virtual.he feels his part is missing he does not forget her.but he is mine and will be till the end of his ...
A. 5 April 2010: Ok . the good news is that you both are willing to save your marriage and that your husband understands that if he wants to be with you he need to give up his infatuation (because that's what it is. ).
The bad news is that this not easy either for ... (read in full...)
I beleive my husband loves somebody else, how can we repair our marriage?
Q. my husband.loves me as a wife.he has fallen in love.he also remain in contect with his college and says she is just a friend.and his love is virtual.he feels his part is missing he does not forget her.but he is mine and will be till the end of his ...
A. 5 April 2010: Strange way to put it. YOU have to regain his trust and his love ?... In my opinion if one bothers to marry at all , it's because he chooses and commits to give his love to his wife exclusively, both physical and emotional. If he has a virtual ... (read in full...)
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