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... Send *indyCares a private message | | | *indyCares's profile:Hi everybody. I am an Italian woman currently living in Italy but I spent many years in England and USA. I hope my English is still decent but in case it got a little rusty, please be lenient.
My age ? Let say that I am way past the stage when you cry if the boy you like takes your best friend to the prom, and young enough to remember how awful that feels.
What qualifies me to help people- well, let me show off just a bit and mention that I studied Psychology 4 years in college, and, even if then I graduated in a different subject, I never lost my interest in psychology and kept reading a lot about this subject. Yet that does not really qualify me for anything because intellectual knowledge is not the same as real life experience. So let's say I feel I can advice people because I have lived a lot, travelled a lot, met a lot of people from all backgrounds , races and religions- I have loved a lot, and I have also been dumped a lot :)
Plus, I am really fascinated with people and their stories. Not in a gossipy way. I just find that every person is a whole new world that I am excited to discover.
Right now I am single- and happily so. I realized- better late than never - that rather than waiting for Prince Charming I should first become a Princess myself. You can't love anybody unconditionally, if first you don't love yourself unconditionally, and this is what I am learning to do.
Looking forward to hear from all of you..
Ciao
Cindy |
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| Latest articles: Devastation in Italy
This question has 2 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
26 August 2016: This has got nothing to do with romance or relationships or love- maybe with love for our fellow human beings, i.e. solidariety and compassion , so I hope that the mods will publish this regardless. On August 24th a devastating eartquak...
Ten best ways for a woman to be given her walking papers.
This question has 7 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
19 August 2014: Yeah I know : ultimately love is a mystery, not an exact science. There's always an element of sheer luck, of serendipity, of magic in it. Some times you do everything right, by the book, you are the perfect gf / wife / lover .. and you still get ...
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He says it's over -- is it?
Q. Ok, this is going to be a long one but I really need as much advise as I can get. So, I was with this guy for over a year. In this year we got very serious. We lived together, had a boat, a dog, a quad. Our friends are even the same people. We moved ...
A. 23 May 2010: It means he is being rude and childish and he has a chip on his shoulder- so ,what's new ?
Careful, girl- You are still way too hung on his every single gesture or look.
There's no need for all this scrutiny, things are simple
-he dumped you
... (read in full...)
He says it's over -- is it?
Q. Ok, this is going to be a long one but I really need as much advise as I can get. So, I was with this guy for over a year. In this year we got very serious. We lived together, had a boat, a dog, a quad. Our friends are even the same people. We moved ...
A. 23 May 2010: It happens, dear OP. It happens all the time even to much saner people than your ex. People falls in love,- people falls out of love. They say " I love you, I'll marry you " then they change their mind. This is not strange, again :it happens to ... (read in full...)
He says it's over -- is it?
Q. Ok, this is going to be a long one but I really need as much advise as I can get. So, I was with this guy for over a year. In this year we got very serious. We lived together, had a boat, a dog, a quad. Our friends are even the same people. We moved ...
A. 22 May 2010: If you want to go to Vietnam, go to Vietnam. If you want give some time to introspection and reflection,do it.
But as for evaluating the situation, I fail to see what exactly you need to evaluate....
You just spent a horrible year with a guy who ... (read in full...)
He says it's over -- is it?
Q. Ok, this is going to be a long one but I really need as much advise as I can get. So, I was with this guy for over a year. In this year we got very serious. We lived together, had a boat, a dog, a quad. Our friends are even the same people. We moved ...
A. 21 May 2010: Thanks for the vote of confidence ,Q1605 :) I am a pragmatist. I can understand that right now the OP is all caught up in the "whys "- Why does he do this and say that. But the whys are seldom very important. If I am strolling in downtown Da... (read in full...)
Troubled marriage and I need space to think clearly!
Q. I don't know what to do. I've been married for 2 years; together for 7. I'm not happy with my husband anymore but I can bring myself to be committed to leaving. We've tried counseling and things didn't get better. His temper is out of control to ...
A. 21 May 2010: By slamming you against that wall, he crossed a line which he should never have crossed,and now there's no more turning point. No more "trying to make it work " , it won't work, it will only get worse.
You have to leave. Now.... (read in full...)
Losing the love of my life and feeling like I've been played with the entire time...
Q. well this will be long so i appreciate anyone who actually reads this in advance... from the begining ill start, i met this gorgeous girl 3 years ago through word of mouth by her. you see i have been in a pretty successful band for 7 yea...
A. 21 May 2010: As A Buddhist would say : take this poison and turn it into medicine. Take your sadness and make it into a great love/hatred song. Or have a musician friend do it with you if you don't write music. I am not kidding you. I am serious. The first ... (read in full...)
Would a girl say yes when you ask her out and give you her phone number if she weren't interested?
Q. I finally got the courage to ask out this girl I've had a crush on for a while. She said yes but said she was busy this week but maybe we could get together next week or this weekend sometime. I asked for her phone number and she gave it to me no ...
A. 21 May 2010: Would girls who aren't interested in a guy say "yes"and give them their phone number ? Yes,some would. You have no idea how many women are trained,openly or indirectly, by explicit recommendation or by example, since their earliest childhoo... (read in full...)
Everything seems to be going wrong...
Q. why does it always feel like the world is coming to an end when your young, life always seem to suck for me right now. i try to make friends, they think im just a bother. im too shy to try new things, and have a low self esteem.i always get ...
A. 21 May 2010: Your age :) All teenagers get the blues. Some are better at hiding it,or compensate their insecurities by acting very social or very flirty, but all in all, dont' believe that your age should be all careefree fun and games, it's instead a ... (read in full...)
I'm 18, he's 50 and my teacher..is there a chance?
Q. What do you think I should do? I get that this is your typical textbook Oedipus complex (fancying older guys due to lack of older male guidance) btw so I don't need any advice on that anyway, so here goes, I'm head over heels in love with my Ita...
A. 21 May 2010: Yes,I have read about the recent developments in your posting of may 15th.
My opinion remains unvaried- I said " you don't have a chance if only he has some common sense. ". Apparently,he doesn't.
A wide majority of teachers would not risk the... (read in full...)
He says it's over -- is it?
Q. Ok, this is going to be a long one but I really need as much advise as I can get. So, I was with this guy for over a year. In this year we got very serious. We lived together, had a boat, a dog, a quad. Our friends are even the same people. We moved ...
A. 21 May 2010: I agree too with boo22- suppose that he really he is borderline, or narcissistic. Or he's having a manic episode. Or he just has a very bad attituse... basically,who cares ? That 's a problem for his shrink or counselor.
Your problem is- how do y... (read in full...)
I don't think he is sexually satisfied by me!
Q. I am a 50 year old woman. I have been divorced for a few years and have recently moved in with a man. He is in his late 50's. The relationship is one of the most sane, peaceful ones I've ever had. My problem is this, I am becoming more aware that ...
A. 20 May 2010: Seriously,CaringGuy ? The spirit is willing but the flesh is weak -in his 50s ? Whoa. No wonder so many women go cougar these days.... (read in full...)
He says it's over -- is it?
Q. Ok, this is going to be a long one but I really need as much advise as I can get. So, I was with this guy for over a year. In this year we got very serious. We lived together, had a boat, a dog, a quad. Our friends are even the same people. We moved ...
A. 20 May 2010: I think that he acts this way simply because this is his personality, his character. From what you said in your post, he is impulsive, fickle, and all about instant gratification. ( The boat, the quad, the "toys " he gets without even being sure ... (read in full...)
He broke up with me because I went crazy.
Q. To whom it may concern One month ago, my boyfriend broke up with me, the reason why for him was: I went too crazy. He wouldn't listen to me. Before the break-up, He was very busy lately, no time for me, He tried making time for me but when we were...
A. 20 May 2010: Oh gosh. I've met a few mean bastards in my days,but yours is quite an impressively mean bastard.
Of course,you too did not handle it to well,with all the texts the drama and the tears. But I understand how nerve shattering must have been bein... (read in full...)
What should I do, move to the farm with him and be unhappy, or split up with him?
Q. hello, please help me! I've been living with my bf for over a year now, and we're very happy and very much in love. so far so good. We've been thinking of moving back to a city near his family and I wouldn't mind that, since I've lived in the cit...
A. 20 May 2010: Yes,that's a difficult one.
I can only give you my personal opinion, well aware that many people think it differently.
If really there's no workable compromise- you'll have to split up.
I'd like to tell you that "Amor vincit omnia " ( Love conqu... (read in full...)
Broke up and she wants no contact with me
Q. My girlfriend and I have been together for the last two years and last month in march was our 2 years a month on she tells me it's over. before the split she told me how much she loved me and how our 2 year anniversary was so special. We're both at ...
A. 20 May 2010: Don't take too literally the 1 -3 weeks she mentioned . Probably she had been having misgivings since quite a while but did not want to rake a rash,impulsive decision- or simply it took her some time to break the news to you because she knew she ... (read in full...)
How important is it that a man is fit and attractive?
Q. Ladies do you think its important for a man to be physically attractive in a relationship (marriage for an example)? I know there are other more important factors, but don't you think its a least important for the man to be physically fit a...
A. 20 May 2010: It is important. Luckily though beauty is in the eye of the beholder ,so being attractive does not mean you have to be just like Brad Pitt . It means that your partner must consider you attractive,according to her personal preferences and tastes. ... (read in full...)
Why did he ask me out if he didn't want to go on a date?
Q. The guy I like finnally asked me out...not only am I confused on why he asked me out...I'm nervous. He said, "No dates yet!" Which doesn't make any sense... Why did he ask me out if he didnt want to go on a date? Help please?...
A. 20 May 2010: I guess he wants to take it slowly and become friends first.... (read in full...)
Why was he embarrassed by the birthday gift I got him?
Q. i was wondering if anyone out there could help me understand this. Why would a guy you have known for yrs and have a casual relationship with and are also good friends with. say to you that he was embarrassed by the birthday gift you gave him, eve...
A. 20 May 2010: Was it a very expensive basket ?
Maybe he felt the gift was too costly or too important for
a casual relationship-
Anyway,don't read too much into this, probably it's just one of those things that people say. You know ,like when you give them so... (read in full...)
He goes out to clubs a lot -- is he cheating?
Q. ok I asked this ? before I registered then decided to make a s/n si I'm asking again.... I've been with my boyfriend for 2 years and we DO NOT use condoms.. tonight I was looking in his wallet for a ...
A. 20 May 2010: He believes in the boy-scouts motto : Always be prepared.... (read in full...)
Is there something wrong with how much time we spend together?
Q. How many times per week should you see your boyfriend/girlfriend when you're in a committed relationship? I've been with my boyfriend for 8 months. We spend weekends together and see each other once in the middle of the week...and sometimes an occ...
A. 20 May 2010: Ignore her. The amount of time that you spend together works well for you,works well for him and works well for your relationship, so if it ain't broke, don't fix it.
A relationship should not take over your life completely. It's healthy to be able... (read in full...)
He says it's over -- is it?
Q. Ok, this is going to be a long one but I really need as much advise as I can get. So, I was with this guy for over a year. In this year we got very serious. We lived together, had a boat, a dog, a quad. Our friends are even the same people. We moved ...
A. 19 May 2010: It's him. He is an adult ( even if an immature one ). Adults are fully responsible for their words ,thoughts,and actions. You dont' "make " them act in any particular way if it goes against their choices and inclinations ( unless you were pointing ... (read in full...)
I wonder if I should be more open to sex, after my rape experience?
Q. Hi I am 18 and was a virgin until I was raped a few months ago by a man that attacked me on the street. I do not count him as a sexual partner obviously, but it has kind of changed my attitude towards sex and my virginity. I am not desperate to los...
A. 19 May 2010: Darling,you are only 18. Plenty of time to do it right- perhaps without petals and candles, but with the affection , tenderness and sensuality you need and deserve.
I get what you mean. Something really wrong happened and you want to make it righ... (read in full...)
My life as his second wife is taking me nowhere, what should I do?
Q. I fell in love with a married man, who is my hubby now. I'm a Muslim, my religion permits man to marry upto 4 times. I met him 8 years back and had pre-marital sex. He is my only partner, may be this guilt forced me marrying him and not other man. B...
A. 19 May 2010: I assume you are Muslim. Then you already know that the sharia ( Islamic law ) says a man can marry up to 4 wives but PROVIDING THAT he treats them all fairly and equally, in terms of money, time, attention and status. For this reason there can't ... (read in full...)
Molested by Mum's boyfriend Continued
Q. i dont know if i was molested or if im just over reacting.. my moms boyfriend is generally too close to me. he continously touches my bum and brushes past my breasts-but i know he does it on purpose. he will like rub all along my thigh with on hand ...
A. 19 May 2010: No darling. You are fooling yourself. This does not feel "normal " to you- otherwise you would not be writing to Dear Cupid about it. If you were sure this is normal, you'd just shrug and think " Oh well, that's life " and you would not be asking ... (read in full...)
I really like him but I am confused over his mixed messages
Q. I met a man a few months ago, he is a manager of a pub where i sometimes drink and my daughter and her friends drink there. We kissed before but a couple of weeks ago he asked if i would like a drink after the pub shut and i went. we kissed and ...
A. 19 May 2010: DC readers must be tired by now to see me writing the same thing, but I will stubbornly repeat it again : there are no mixed messsages. If it is mixed, it's no message. No green light.
When there is an actual interest,sexual,emotional ,or both... (read in full...)
Molested by Mum's boyfriend Continued
Q. i dont know if i was molested or if im just over reacting.. my moms boyfriend is generally too close to me. he continously touches my bum and brushes past my breasts-but i know he does it on purpose. he will like rub all along my thigh with on hand ...
A. 19 May 2010: He is your mum's boyfriend, you are a minor, and he is asking you repeatedly for sexual favours. What's normal about that ??? In which culture, in which country,in which family is that considered normal ????... (read in full...)
Should I continue trying to get closure after he cheated on me, or should I just keep on lashing out at him?
Q. Im 19 years old, and my boyfriend and I have recently broken up due to the fact that from the day we started dating, he was cheating on me with LOTS of men! I knew that he was bisexual from day one so the men didn't shock me, it was the fact tha...
A. 19 May 2010: Please do NOT keep lashing out at him. You have been lucky that he did not call the police, or an ambulance from the nearest psychiatric ward.Don't push your luck.
He never gave you an explanation but the whole business is pretty self-exp... (read in full...)
To Fractionate, or not to Fractionate - That is the question.
Q. *OP's suggested title* Heya. I've been looking for ways to make my female friends see me as a potential boyfriend when I stumbled upon a method known as 'fractionation' I've heard numerous amounts of praise from everywhere about it, but I w...
A. 19 May 2010: Do not underestimate women- at any age :) I think that also many,if not most, of the young ones have a keen instinct for detecting bullshit right away. ... (read in full...)
Do women love being romanced?
Q. Do women love romance? A romantic dinner walk or special place to go?...
A. 19 May 2010: Yes they do. It's not about flowers or candle-lit dinnersin themselves. Woman like anything that shows you have put thought,feeling and effort in doing something for them.... (read in full...)
Will he take this opportunity to break things off?
Q. My capricorn man and i had a fight, he wont take my calls or call me, what should I do? I flipped someone off on Saturday, that cut me off, he got angry at me, saying I should not drive crazy, and should not have done that. We were already feuding ...
A. 18 May 2010: I think that he may have asked his friend to call you ,to test the waters and see if YOU are mad at him or if it's safe to come back home:)
I guess you will just have to wait and see- and stay calm in the meantime. Again, regardless of the age thin... (read in full...)
Is my age, my attitude, or just the men?
Q. Hello. I read all these wonderfull answers, and decided that i need an answer to the question that i have on my mind for the past few years. I am relatively young woman in my early forties. I look very good for my ages, at least this is what i'v...
A. 18 May 2010: You are welcome to borrow my reputation, Q- but it's not a good one.... (read in full...)
Will he take this opportunity to break things off?
Q. My capricorn man and i had a fight, he wont take my calls or call me, what should I do? I flipped someone off on Saturday, that cut me off, he got angry at me, saying I should not drive crazy, and should not have done that. We were already feuding ...
A. 18 May 2010: Guess what ,anonymous reader, -you are talking to an ex "cougar ". :) I have a fair idea about your situation.
may I be brutally honest ?
While I believe that age is just a number, and that feelings have got nothing to do with birth dates- t... (read in full...)
Should I just get it over with and lose my virginity?
Q. I'll try to just get straight to the point) I am a 20 year old female who is STRONGLY considering losing my virginity, but not to anyone I particularly love, or even trust, but because the offer has been put out there by another co-worker a few ...
A. 18 May 2010: Letters like yours make me a little sad.
I am not at all old fashioned, or close minded, or a moralist.Yet I can't help being surprised by the light in which you and many other DC readers view losing their virginity. As if it were removing a wart... (read in full...)
Will he take this opportunity to break things off?
Q. My capricorn man and i had a fight, he wont take my calls or call me, what should I do? I flipped someone off on Saturday, that cut me off, he got angry at me, saying I should not drive crazy, and should not have done that. We were already feuding ...
A. 18 May 2010: Sorry hun, I know that you are upset and scared and all, but let's try keep things in perspective ok ?
First,please stop blaming yourself for HIS shortcomings. You did not "push him away ". Adults only do what they want to do . I can't "make you ... (read in full...)
Is my age, my attitude, or just the men?
Q. Hello. I read all these wonderfull answers, and decided that i need an answer to the question that i have on my mind for the past few years. I am relatively young woman in my early forties. I look very good for my ages, at least this is what i'v...
A. 18 May 2010: Marieclaire is right. I struggled all my life with the concept that a man has to chase after you because it goes against my character. I am a very transparaent and straightforward person, and I am not good at tactics and strategies. I used to think ... (read in full...)
Will he take this opportunity to break things off?
Q. My capricorn man and i had a fight, he wont take my calls or call me, what should I do? I flipped someone off on Saturday, that cut me off, he got angry at me, saying I should not drive crazy, and should not have done that. We were already feuding ...
A. 18 May 2010: The cynical, world-weary part of me wants to say : he's got no job,no money,no car - you bet he will be back !
But, let's the trusting,optimistic,non judgemental part prevail and assume that there is mutual and sincere love between you.
Often... (read in full...)
Can't trust him, but think about him a lot, what now??
Q. Ok here is guy I met on net and we have been friends for a year . We were very good friends and he shared everything about his life with me. He said he loves me more than anything and wants me as his life partner. As it is a online relation and we ...
A. 18 May 2010: You see, that's the problem with 90% of on line relationships : they are not relationships at all. They are fantasies, or a way to kill time, or to feel good about themselves by getting attention and admiration. It's not that people are mean and ... (read in full...)
How can I get boys to like me without looking like a barbie?
Q. Dear Aunties and Uncles .i hate it that boys my age always go for the girls with make up plastered to their faces, with push up bras and girls who adore themselves. they dont actually know them they only go for their 'looks'. Girls who go round with ...
A. 18 May 2010: Everybody is entitled to their preferences and it's not for you to dictate what other people should like or dislike.
Luckily tastes are widely different and there are plenty of guys who like a nice natural look.
You stick to the look snd style th... (read in full...)
We like each other but why is he with her?
Q. i like this guy, and im sure if likes me too, we can sit and cuddle for hours and just talk, he kisses my head my cheek and even my lips sometimes, he tells me he loves me often, but i wont let my self believe it, as he has a girlfriend, He said he ...
A. 18 May 2010: If he says he loves you but he is still with her...something is not quite adding up,wouldn't you think ?
I'll leave all the cuddling and kissing for AFTER he has dumped his gf.... (read in full...)
Why does my boyfriend call me fat?
Q. hey my boyfriend calls me fat after i confided in him and told him i wanted to loose a lot of wieght, but then he'll turn around and call me beautiful. what is his deal???...
A. 18 May 2010: I think he is just teasing you affectionately,in his mind. Men generally do not understand that weight is a sensitive issue for many women.
... (read in full...)
Is it ok to eat so much when I'm pregnant or only when I'm hungry.
Q. Hi first of all I would like to say thank you to all who respond to my question =) Ok so I'm 20 years and I'm currently pregnant with my first child. I'm 37 weeks in like two days) My doctor told me that I could have the baby any time between now ...
A. 18 May 2010: Only eat when you are hungry. You gained 35 pounds so far ,which is fine. And in these final weeks of your pregnancy you are gonna gain about an ounce a day.... (read in full...)
I have a confusing situation, here and I need help as I'm going crazy in my own head!
Q. i'm asking this because i'm just too confused, This girl has loved me for years, she asked me out 3 years ago, and due to my own stupidity and nervousness i turned her down, even though i had really strong feelings for her. subsequently, she...
A. 17 May 2010: When I arrived to the point of your letter when you say "she said she did not want to be with me officially " I completed mentally "and now she's back with her boyfriend ".
That was a dead giveaway- elementary Watson.
Sorry, but you were a plan ... (read in full...)
Who is the father of my baby?
Q. hi ok i had sex with my x december 19,20 that is the last time i had sex with him then had sex with my friend the next day for the rest of december and january my last period was january 1st i want to the doctors and he told me i am 19 weeks and 3 ...
A. 17 May 2010: if your due date is october 8th,that means you have conceived around january 15th so the father cannot be your ex.... (read in full...)
Should I have a baby with my boyfriend? I'm scared of being sick!
Q. Right me and my boyfriend have been together 1 1/2 years now.. his 22 and am 19 we have just come of a break but he is saying he wants us to have a baby.. i dont no how to feel about this as i have a phobia of being sick and morning sickness really ...
A. 17 May 2010: Honey,forget about morning sickness, morning sickness is not the main problem and it's nothing you should fear, there are other things you should be more afraid of.
Like, having a child from an unstable relationship ,by a very young partner who ... (read in full...)
I'm 18, he's 50 and my teacher..is there a chance?
Q. What do you think I should do? I get that this is your typical textbook Oedipus complex (fancying older guys due to lack of older male guidance) btw so I don't need any advice on that anyway, so here goes, I'm head over heels in love with my Ita...
A. 3 May 2010: no,I don't think you have a chance if only he has got some sense. Hopefully is not going to risk his job ( because this is what you are gonna cost him if your little secret comes out ) just for the cheap thrill of having sex with a student. I also... (read in full...)
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