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... Send *indyCares a private message | | | *indyCares's profile:Hi everybody. I am an Italian woman currently living in Italy but I spent many years in England and USA. I hope my English is still decent but in case it got a little rusty, please be lenient.
My age ? Let say that I am way past the stage when you cry if the boy you like takes your best friend to the prom, and young enough to remember how awful that feels.
What qualifies me to help people- well, let me show off just a bit and mention that I studied Psychology 4 years in college, and, even if then I graduated in a different subject, I never lost my interest in psychology and kept reading a lot about this subject. Yet that does not really qualify me for anything because intellectual knowledge is not the same as real life experience. So let's say I feel I can advice people because I have lived a lot, travelled a lot, met a lot of people from all backgrounds , races and religions- I have loved a lot, and I have also been dumped a lot :)
Plus, I am really fascinated with people and their stories. Not in a gossipy way. I just find that every person is a whole new world that I am excited to discover.
Right now I am single- and happily so. I realized- better late than never - that rather than waiting for Prince Charming I should first become a Princess myself. You can't love anybody unconditionally, if first you don't love yourself unconditionally, and this is what I am learning to do.
Looking forward to hear from all of you..
Ciao
Cindy |
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| Latest articles: Devastation in Italy
This question has 2 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
26 August 2016: This has got nothing to do with romance or relationships or love- maybe with love for our fellow human beings, i.e. solidariety and compassion , so I hope that the mods will publish this regardless. On August 24th a devastating eartquak...
Ten best ways for a woman to be given her walking papers.
This question has 7 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
19 August 2014: Yeah I know : ultimately love is a mystery, not an exact science. There's always an element of sheer luck, of serendipity, of magic in it. Some times you do everything right, by the book, you are the perfect gf / wife / lover .. and you still get ...
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My boyfriend says he doesn't want marriage
Q. i was married for 4 years to a jerk and we got divorced an year back. My friend was there for me the whole time and we got really close that time. he works with me in the same office and said he loves me. i fell for him totally and he is younger to ...
A. 10 May 2010: You said it all.
Now you are in pain, but pretty soon you will realize it was for the best.
Be brave. Good luck... (read in full...)
What should I do? Never have anything to do with Italy again!?!
Q. i and my husband lived together 5 years, before we married, i met a guy in Italy and had 2 ONS together. i told my husband this before we married, for him it's something definitely immoral and he disgusts about, but he still love me and be with me ...
A. 8 May 2010: Push ups ? Punishments ?
This kind of things does not belong to a healthy relationship.
See if you can convince your husband to go with you to see a marriage counselor and work on his control issues.
But if you can't,perhaps it's time to sepa... (read in full...)
He can only cum once is that normal?
Q. My boyfriend can only ejaculate once in a day, or so. Last weekend we had sex on the friday at about 5.00. I stayed the night and we had sex again in the morning at about 11. The thing is he couldn't come. We had sex for about 40 minutes, then he ...
A. 6 May 2010: For the anonymous reader who asks me if I can back up my claim- Sure. Go check any medical encyclopedia .
Does it mean that a young male can ejaculate 100 times a day ? Of course not.
The capacity of the testicles to produce sperm within a... (read in full...)
He can only cum once is that normal?
Q. My boyfriend can only ejaculate once in a day, or so. Last weekend we had sex on the friday at about 5.00. I stayed the night and we had sex again in the morning at about 11. The thing is he couldn't come. We had sex for about 40 minutes, then he ...
A. 6 May 2010: I see what you mean, Fatherly Advice. Point taken,but not totally shared. What the President refers to is called "situational anorgasmia " - and,at 17 , most every "situation " will work. Both according medical research - and according to this ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend says he doesn't want marriage
Q. i was married for 4 years to a jerk and we got divorced an year back. My friend was there for me the whole time and we got really close that time. he works with me in the same office and said he loves me. i fell for him totally and he is younger to ...
A. 6 May 2010: Let it go. This is a lost battle.
It's true that he never promised anything serious, and he also told you that he can't marry because his parents would not accept you. So he does not consider you as a marriage candidate.
As for his "friends... (read in full...)
When my mother comes to visit she likes to clean
Q. I'm not sure if this a site for help with mums, but I'm hoping someone will feel my pain on this one. My mum came to visit me today, and whenever she does, she will find something to 'show me how to do it' or something to that effect. Vagu...
A. 6 May 2010: Your mother means well but she is being intrusive and inappropriate. You are 25,not 15 and perfectly capable to choose your own standard of tidiness. The point ,also,is not that you keep your house immaculate, the point is that it's YOUR house,not ... (read in full...)
He can only cum once is that normal?
Q. My boyfriend can only ejaculate once in a day, or so. Last weekend we had sex on the friday at about 5.00. I stayed the night and we had sex again in the morning at about 11. The thing is he couldn't come. We had sex for about 40 minutes, then he ...
A. 6 May 2010: Sorry,Fatherly Advice,but I have to disagree with you. The refractory time of the average healthy 18 male is about 15 MINUTES. 24 hours is average for a 70 years old male.
Of course occasionaly there may be glitches. Maybe the boy had smoked too ... (read in full...)
Hands sweat to the extreme!
Q. i have a condition where i sweat more than the average person. its really gross and sometimes it makes me so upset i cry and i start worrying about who im touching and if i should. My hands get especially wet not to the point were they drip but to ...
A. 6 May 2010: You've got palmar hyperidrosis. Nothing that a good dermatologist can't fix.
According to the gravity of your symptoms, he may suggests an aluminum clorure cream,or drugs like Lexil, or acupuncture, Botox injections, micro-invasive surg... (read in full...)
Pregnant despite an IUD, he's saying don't keep the child
Q. I am currently 7wks and 2days pregnant but I also have an IUD!! I am 23 and I have two kids already. I got pregnant at 15 and 16yrs old. My sons are now 5 and 7. My boyfriend of 2yrs is 30yrs old and has four children with his previous wife. So we ...
A. 6 May 2010: If he was dead set against having more children, why didn't he put on a condom as a back up precaution ? In fact, why didn't he get a vasectomy ? He knew that he was still risking an unplanned pregnancy.
Anyway,don't let him or his family pres... (read in full...)
5 months and never been on a date?
Q. so me and my bf have been dating for about 5 months on and off... but it seems like im the only one trying to be romantic and wanting to see him. he has NEVER taken me on a date... i REALLY want to go on a date with him. how do i hint that to ...
A. 6 May 2010: Well I know that sounds lame,but often the right way is the simplest way. Just ask him. Tell him, I enjoy spending time with you at home, but I thought that every now and then would be nice if we would go out together,just you and me, to a ... (read in full...)
I want to have some fun, but I'm really not trying to lead them on
Q. i know that i will probably get some not so nice feedback for this, but i need help. Right now i am "playing the field" i am "seeing" two guys right now. i have let both of them know that i am not into having anything serious. however, both of them ...
A. 6 May 2010: You reallly must tell what is what to the guy who would be going home in a month if it weren't for you,because this can really mess up his life.
As for the other guy, if he asks again just tell him you are not ready to commit,then he will deci... (read in full...)
He never shows it
Q. Hi, My boyfriend and i started dating 3 days ago. He tells me that he likes me a lot, but NEVER EVER shows it. We're in jr. high, so when we're at school he acts like we're just friends. He doesn't walk with me or hold my hand, or anything, he's alw...
A. 6 May 2010: 3 days ? Well,give him time,maybe he just needs to get used to his new bf status.
If it's not that- just talk to him. Tell him simply,without whining or accusing, that you'd love if he could show you more affection,or hang out a bit more with... (read in full...)
Is he into me or my body?
Q. Hi people !!!! Ok one quick question. How can u tell if a 16 yr old guy is into u or ur body ?? how can u tell if ur a "mess around" or something serious?? how can u tell if he likes u or not?? plz help on these questions and thanks so much ...
A. 6 May 2010: A 16 years old boy is very probably just into your body.
The only way to see if he likes you for your personality too is to see if he wants to spend time with you also without being intimate. Tell him you are not ready for sex yet,that you want... (read in full...)
The idea of her having sex with someone else ...
Q. my girlfriend dumbed me last year,our relation was for 4 years.[actually i went to meet my parents, out of station for 15 days.but due to some problem i had to stay there fore whole one month.moreover i could'nt call her up for 3 days.when i came ...
A. 6 May 2010: I think you should just leave her, she does not sound like the girl you should be with.
I can understand having a moment of weakness and cheating,but did she need to tell you all the details and rubbing salt in the wound,so to speak ? No. This was ... (read in full...)
Is it too much to expect a phone call from him?
Q. my guy friend is on vacation, he left on sunday. i told him to have a great time, have fun, he said, we will be in touch. well before he left, he and i were discussing the possibility of taking the next step into our relationship. before he left, he ...
A. 5 May 2010: Take a deep breath and get a grip,please, He is in vacation ! He left Sunday and today it's only Wednesday ! He's coming back this weekend anyway !
Ok,I understand that you would like to be his first and foremost thought and feek a little bad that... (read in full...)
Haven't heard from him, should I break it off?
Q. My boyfriend and I havent been together that long and up until a few weeks ago, he seemed head over heels for me. All of a sudden he said that he’s so busy with his job and school right now, he's not sure if he can handle it all. He failed classes ...
A. 5 May 2010: Personally I belong to the "where there's a will there's a way " school of thought. I believe that if two people really care about each
other, they 'll find a way to be close ( in person or by e-mail phone etc. ) even if they were attending scho... (read in full...)
How do I stop believing that everyone in the world is against me?
Q. For years, I have wondered if everyone is part of a conspiracy to give me a bad life. Now, I don't think that way very often. But occasioanlly, I wonder if I am being persecuted by the female race. I have thought in the past that the world owed ...
A. 5 May 2010: Hey Bruce,
I just wanted to tell you that the strange comments and bizarre things you blurt out are not Asperger traits but Tourette's syndrom traits which is often present in people with Asperger. The good news is that Tourette's symptoms can ... (read in full...)
I am engaged to a man I don't respect but in love with another
Q. I am engaged to a man who is very good to me, I'll call him Dan. When I say jump, he says how high and he will do it right away. Part of the reason I feel like I am growing away from him is because of a few things: 1) I will always make more money ...
A. 5 May 2010: TimmD is right (he usually is :)).
There's nothing wrong with Dan and there's nothing wrong with Stan, but it's not a matter of right or wrong.
It's a matter of assessing clearly your priorities, what's really your heart's deisre,what makes yo... (read in full...)
What have I done to be totally ostracised and ignored so blatantly?
Q. Decision Junction - with zero signposts. Dear Cupid, I very rarely ask for help which I suppose is a terrible weakness really, but here I am, willing to share my problem with some genuine and caring people because, frankly, I'm totally baf...
A. 5 May 2010: Forgive my suspicious mind :) but I can't help feeling that there is more to the story than what you told us.
Frankly it sounds that more than a friendship yours is a crush. Are you sure you aren't a bit in love with him ?
You seem to have put... (read in full...)
My gf dosnt what to talk about sex
Q. my gf dosnt want to talk about sex and if i do talk about sex with her she will break up with me what do i do...
A. 5 May 2010: It is not clear what you mean.
"my gf does not want to talk about sex "...
Does she refuse to have sex with you and does not want to tell you why ?
Does she refuses to have sex before marriage ?
Has she got a problem to tell you what she lik... (read in full...)
Help with LOVE that is being pushed away please!
Q. Hello all, hope someone can help answer what happened with my girlfriend and I, we have been dating for several months a long distance relationship, we have been either flying or taking the train and having a great time together making love and ...
A. 5 May 2010: I think she just tried to tell you with tact and kindness that she is not in love with you. Of course she appreciates all your excellent qualities and she told you so, but if she feels that the special spark,the little "je ne sais quoi " is ... (read in full...)
I love my boyfriend, but we are very different and I doubt it will work out
Q. Dear Cupid, I genuinely love my boyfriend, we have been together for over a year and before that we were friends for 5 years. I can't imagine being without him, but we are complete opposites when it comes to fundamental political, social, ...
A. 5 May 2010: Opposites attract each other. There's more spark. If you date someone who talks,thinks and acts just like you often it ends up you feel like you are going out with your brother.
Differences in political ,social and religious views are not a bad ... (read in full...)
Its like I am invisible to my boyfriend
Q. i love my boyfriend but i don't think he loves me? he doesn't notice me and its like am invisible.i buy all the gifts,he demands a lot and he makes a scene when am unable to provide for him but yet i get noting in return.when i complain on how i ...
A. 5 May 2010: I don't think you really want advice- I think you would like to be reassured,you would like someone to tell you , " don't worry, it's ok, he does love you deep down ". I am sorry but personally I can't provide you with this kind of reassurance, I ... (read in full...)
Broke up for a year and now I'm pregnant, he wants me to have an abortion!
Q. Well last year the love of my life of 14 yrs left me and our son saying he"had to get himself together". Well it was a huge adjustment for me as well as our 10 year old son. He was always around, still active in my sons life. We remaine civil. I ...
A. 5 May 2010: No you are not selfish.And even if you were ? So what ? It's YOUR body and beside and beyond all the emotional issues, it's up to you to decide if you have to put your body under the surgeon's knife or not. Would your husband accept to have surgery ... (read in full...)
He's giving VERY mixed signals!
Q. I lost my boyfriend a few weeks ago and my best friend who I thought liked me is playing me. He plays me by acting all nice and then he says that he doesn’t care about my texts or what I have to say. Then the next day he smiles and he does look at ...
A. 4 May 2010: Every time I read on this site a question about "mixed signals "- I can't help being surprised. Because that's an easy one to figure out- it's really a no brainer.
The road to love sexand romance is bumpy and full of pitfalls, there are many situ... (read in full...)
Is this engagement legit?
Q. Okay, Ive been with my bf for 4 years and got engaged at chritmas but my dad swears my fiance never talked to him about it and my dad thinks its just a promise ring...if thats not bad enough we want to get married next october... i will be done c...
A. 4 May 2010: Why is your dad gonna freak out ?Any specific reason ? Like, he does not like your boyfriend,or does he feel you are too young,or what ?
Well,maybe you are a bit young to get married, then again it seems by now you have all your ducks in a row.... (read in full...)
I want to give him my virginity but there's a problem..he already has a gf!
Q. im 19 and i found a guy that i want to lose my virginity to. We have been together for a month and i feel 110% ready. The problem is that he has a girlfriend on the side....
A. 4 May 2010: Give him your virginity and in no time you will be his girlfriend on the side.... (read in full...)
Haven't had my period in 3 months but test say I'm not pregnant
Q. hello im just wondering if anyone has any good advice for me because im a bit confused,i havent been on my period for 3 months now but ive had a lil spot of blood an thats it but because i have gynaecology problems theres only a 2 per cent chance ...
A. 4 May 2010: What kind of cysts are they ?
Follicle cysts,polycystic ovaries and luteum cysts cause quite often the stopping of periods. Go see your doctor .... (read in full...)
I'm scared of throwing away someting really good, but why can't I commit?
Q. I'm scared of throwing away the best thing that has happened to me but on the other hand I'm not sure if I'm 100 percent committed to this guy. We been together a few years now (not living together), we live a couple hours away from each other. The ...
A. 4 May 2010: You are not being shallow. We are both physical and spiritual beings and we need to find someone who is compatible at all levels. Same as it is foolish to base a relationship solely upon physical attraction and expect it can work out, so it is ... (read in full...)
How can I deal with our differences?
Q. Hi! I have this guy who is 13 years away from me and I’m really finding it hard to cope with our age differences. I will only be turning 16 while he’s at his 29th this May. This’ll be kinda long and I hope somebody out there can find time to help ...
A. 4 May 2010: So let's see - you are an underage 15 years old student and he's 28 y.o. educator in your school. He is supposed to educate you, not to court you secretly or to seduce you. I don't know what you should do- but I know what the headmaster of ... (read in full...)
Is this depression or just life?
Q. Am I suffering from depression because I don't want to go out of the house and I can't see the positive side to life anymore --- or is that just life?...
A. 4 May 2010: It sounds like depression to me - anyway go on line and take a self assessment test. Look for Zung Test or Beck Depression Inventory. If you score high, seek professional help.... (read in full...)
Me and my ex still love each other but we cant be together! help!
Q. Me and my boyfriend have broken up. We were together for 7-8 months. The reason we broke up is because he got a job in the mines and it wasn't a sudden decision to break up we did a lot of thinking and weighed out the pros and cons for each outcome. ...
A. 4 May 2010: If you love him and he loves you, why rather than splitting won't you give it a try ? Long distance relationship, and with periods of no contact too, are surely hard and difficult,and with less chances of a happy ending. Yet, where there is a will ... (read in full...)
My husband loves me completely but I don't love him. Should I leave him?
Q. I've read other peoples' questions and answers about whether they should stay in a loveless marriage, but no one seems to be in my situation. The fact is, my husband of 25 years is a kind, affectionate, caring, loving, reliable, attentive man wh...
A. 4 May 2010: It's 25 years that you have sex on a regular basis with someone you are not attracted to, and 25 years that you find that unpleasant and uncomfortable. How did you do that ? How could you do that ?...
That sounds like more or less like tort... (read in full...)
I want to have sex more often with this girl and I'm confused about what she really wants from me.
Q. a friend of mine (whom i dated in high school for a whole month) and i have been seeing each other off and on for a couple months now. we've had sex twice. once when we were drunk, and once after a nice sober night at my house. lately though she's ...
A. 4 May 2010: I think you like her precisely because you are used to have girls lined up at your door,-she is the one who got away ( or is getting away ). What you can't have, has always more appeal.... (read in full...)
Baby's father walked out
Q. My baby's father walked out on me and I am 25 weeks pregnant with our daughter. We were doing fine he was taking me to my appointments, coming over spending time with me, talking about moving into a place together etc. One night I got mad at him ...
A. 4 May 2010: I know it's gonna sound like I am gonna put the blame on the victim (you), that's not my intention, and I feel for you, but what can I say, that's exactly the reason why before bringing a new child into the world people should first be in a ... (read in full...)
Pregnant and sexually frustrated
Q. I am pregnant and my baby's father dont want to have sex with me. I dont wont to go outside the relationship and have sex with someone else. My hormones are about to explode. He dont understand how I feel and he wont give in to me and have sex. ...
A. 4 May 2010: If he's afraid of hurting the baby you can have him talk to your doctor and see that his fears have no foundation.
If he has hangups about the idea of making love to a pregnant woman, or about the changes your body is going through- it's a pity... (read in full...)
Is it normal to feel this way after a break up?
Q. Missing my ex, and trying to remain friends.... My bf and I broke up almost 3 months ago. He is the nicest man I have ever dated. He is going through a lot of family problems, and, I think he just couldn't deal with both the drama at his family, a...
A. 4 May 2010: That's because in your heart he's not your ex yet. You have not quite accepted your loss so you can't move on. When you'll be ready to start moving on, you will realize that is the most normal thing for two people who split up just to keep contact ... (read in full...)
Girls: what pet names do you like?
Q. So, I just started dating this girl and we've been texting a lot. I've called her "cute" a lot. I've called past girlfriends "beautiful" and I know they like that, but it feels like just using those two words isn't enough. I mean, it would get rep...
A. 4 May 2010: What about just "love"?
Call her whatever you want,except "hot"- unless she works in a strip club.... (read in full...)
I want to have sex with a grown man
Q. One of my adult friend's won't have sex with her husband unless he has the snip. I talk to him often and we get into conversations about sex. It is becoming increasingly obvious that there is a lot of sexual tension building up in him. We talk about ...
A. 4 May 2010: You maybe 17 . But he is married. With a friend of yours.... (read in full...)
My periods are worryingly light
Q. hi there . my period is late by 2 months . but i dont think im pregnant . see the thing is my last proper period was ...21st feb this year and its always on the 21st of every month for about a week. March came and i come on the 18th ! i ALWAys w...
A. 4 May 2010: Go take a pregnancy test. Are you positive you can't be pregnant ?
You can have light spotting same as you describe at the time your period would be, during the first three months of pregnancy, and more seldom even after. Oesophageal reflux (aci... (read in full...)
When will it be clear that he wants to see me again? I'm back into the dating arena after 8 years!
Q. Hey, I'd love some advice (esp. from any male readers) about first dates. I had my first date in 8 1/2 years on Saturday (split with my bf of 8 years 6 months ago, took a long time to feel better and get the confidence to date again). We talked for ...
A. 4 May 2010: If he e-mailed you telling you about his wek end eyc. it means he is interested, otherwise he would not have bothered.
Be patient. Don't jump the gun. Your first date was just Saturday.Way to early to worry.... (read in full...)
Age and love
Q. Hi i am in the university and i recently fall in love with this lady from our home area though she lives in germany' i lov her and i cant help it, my problem is that, she is 6yrs older than me n it meks mi feel a littl unsure of her lov for me, she ...
A. 4 May 2010: 6 years is nothing,really. It may be though that you are at two different places in your life. Like, if you are still in university and she is close to 30, she may be feeling is time for her to get married, have children etc. and she wonders how ... (read in full...)
What should I do? Never have anything to do with Italy again!?!
Q. i and my husband lived together 5 years, before we married, i met a guy in Italy and had 2 ONS together. i told my husband this before we married, for him it's something definitely immoral and he disgusts about, but he still love me and be with me ...
A. 4 May 2010: As an Italian, I would be curious to know if the ban on all things Italian is being enforced to his full extent.
Are you allowed to see pictures of the Colosseum or of the Sixtine Chapel ? Would you be permitted to eat pizza,or spaghetti ? To wear... (read in full...)
He's controlling and the sex isn't too great, what do I do?
Q. I have this boyfriend, and he's the sweetest boy ever. We've been together for 2 years and, hes yet to cheat on me, and is the "ideal boyfriend" However, hes very controling that it makes me not want anything to do with him. Also? The sex isnt that ...
A. 4 May 2010: If he is very controlling, he can't be the sweetest boy ever. And the fact he has not cheated on you "yet" is no big accomplishement- he is supposed to never cheat on you anyway. Then there is the sex part....
Are you sure that he's the right one ... (read in full...)
My husband may lose his life, should we try to have a baby?
Q. Hi, :) ok.. Uhm well you may know from my previous question that my boyfriend has 2 cancerous grade 2 brain tumors and im scared to death to lose him. Well... We both know he may die but we alao know we were made for each other. Yes im only 17 ...
A. 4 May 2010: Honey, what do YOU want to do ? How do YOU feel about raising a child on your own at your young age ? Would that make the aftermath of your possible loss better or worse ?
That's what you need to be sure about ,before you explain anything to anyb... (read in full...)
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