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... Send *indyCares a private message | | | *indyCares's profile:Hi everybody. I am an Italian woman currently living in Italy but I spent many years in England and USA. I hope my English is still decent but in case it got a little rusty, please be lenient.
My age ? Let say that I am way past the stage when you cry if the boy you like takes your best friend to the prom, and young enough to remember how awful that feels.
What qualifies me to help people- well, let me show off just a bit and mention that I studied Psychology 4 years in college, and, even if then I graduated in a different subject, I never lost my interest in psychology and kept reading a lot about this subject. Yet that does not really qualify me for anything because intellectual knowledge is not the same as real life experience. So let's say I feel I can advice people because I have lived a lot, travelled a lot, met a lot of people from all backgrounds , races and religions- I have loved a lot, and I have also been dumped a lot :)
Plus, I am really fascinated with people and their stories. Not in a gossipy way. I just find that every person is a whole new world that I am excited to discover.
Right now I am single- and happily so. I realized- better late than never - that rather than waiting for Prince Charming I should first become a Princess myself. You can't love anybody unconditionally, if first you don't love yourself unconditionally, and this is what I am learning to do.
Looking forward to hear from all of you..
Ciao
Cindy |
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| Latest articles: Devastation in Italy
This question has 2 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
26 August 2016: This has got nothing to do with romance or relationships or love- maybe with love for our fellow human beings, i.e. solidariety and compassion , so I hope that the mods will publish this regardless. On August 24th a devastating eartquak...
Ten best ways for a woman to be given her walking papers.
This question has 7 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
19 August 2014: Yeah I know : ultimately love is a mystery, not an exact science. There's always an element of sheer luck, of serendipity, of magic in it. Some times you do everything right, by the book, you are the perfect gf / wife / lover .. and you still get ...
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Should I have a baby with my boyfriend? I'm scared of being sick!
Q. Right me and my boyfriend have been together 1 1/2 years now.. his 22 and am 19 we have just come of a break but he is saying he wants us to have a baby.. i dont no how to feel about this as i have a phobia of being sick and morning sickness really ...
A. 17 May 2010: Honey,forget about morning sickness, morning sickness is not the main problem and it's nothing you should fear, there are other things you should be more afraid of.
Like, having a child from an unstable relationship ,by a very young partner who ... (read in full...)
I want to have sex with my ex but he didn't tell me that he has a girlfriend!
Q. So recently me and my ex boyfriend started talking as friends...and i let it slip that i would like to have sex with him again no strings attached and he agreed to do it, but i found out that he had a girlfriend and he didn't tell me...should i ask ...
A. 17 May 2010: Technically,since you asked him for just sex,no strings attached, you should not be concerned about his dating status, if he s single or not. The very fact the you have a problem with that makes me think that maybe you wanted to have sex with him ... (read in full...)
Places to meet quality women
Q. Hey im newly single just broke up with my girlfriend of 7 months a few weeks ago and i needed some advice. Im 23, and a recent college grad. My girlfriend was a great person but i just wasnt ready for a serious relationship, she is a few years ...
A. 17 May 2010: K c100- I feel I want to hug you ! Thanks ! I thought it was only me, and maybe I was wrong. I could never get the hang of ,our understand the point ,of "casual dating ".
It's a very American thing- they do it,or say they do it. But it does not ... (read in full...)
Attraction killers?
Q. What things do men typically do that kill any attraction a woman may have felt for him?...
A. 17 May 2010: I guess it's too widely individual to generalize...
For instance, I happen to disagree with all what Universe man mentions. Except perhaps the looking needy or clingy or desperate. To me the rest is tolerable,or even endearing.
As for the "keeping... (read in full...)
I think he likes me but he has a long-distance girlfriend, does this mean he is a cheater?
Q. Okay so i like this guy and i think he likes me. We talk/text almost everyday, hes asked me to go with him to many places, one place was the movies and we went. Another was a play that a highschool was presenting. And everyone askes if we are ...
A. 17 May 2010: Once you know he has a girlfriend, you should leave him alone, whether the gf is long distance or his next door neighbour.
Not even on moral grounds. Just because the situation does not seems conducive to anything good for you.
If he does not carr... (read in full...)
Situation with my ex girlfriend....
Q. My ex started talking to me yesterday online 6 months after we broke up. We haven't spoken since then. So her talking and asking how I was was rather put of the blue. The conversation ended with her suggesting that we go on holiday together. What...
A. 17 May 2010: Uhm. I think she wants more. If she just wanted to be friends she would have suggested hanging out for coffee or for dinner or such, she would not have tried to generate a situation where you would be alone together for an extended period of time.... (read in full...)
Do you think I successfilly turned off this married man?
Q. My old teacher and i finally started talking about hooking up, especially now that i am graduating in 10 days. i know i shouldnt do this I only told him i liked him. i told him i never had a motive besides to just get that off my chest. in t...
A. 17 May 2010: Of course it wall all bullshit to get into your pants. Luckily,he did not want it badly enough,because one text has been sufficient to scare him away.
I agree that your text was not the best way to say no,in fact it's a blatant come-hither. But perh... (read in full...)
He's confusing me...I really need help soon
Q. He keeps toying with me. I completly adore him though. One thing i hate is that hes sending mixed signals! For one week he hugs, kisses and shows so much love towards me and no other girl will even catch his eye... Then the next he won't even reply ...
A. 17 May 2010: I said it other times over here- there are no mixed signals. Mixed signals = no signal. Mixed signals means,at the very best, that the person is not sufficiently interested in you, undecided or finicky.You are very right in not rewarding him for ... (read in full...)
She's having sex with another but I'm still not over her!
Q. I'm sorry if this has been asked before. I've recently split from my girlfriend but we still live together cos I can't afford to move out yet. Anyways she goes out the other night with het "friends" but she doesn't get home till 9am the next day. ...
A. 16 May 2010: First, it's not mandatory you go live with mates or family. You can share with a roommate. People does it all the time. Second,what do you want to confront her about ? She is not doing anything,she is simply living her life- and also being discrete... (read in full...)
Is my friend using me?
Q. im worried im being used. my male friend had a lot of personal trauma last year and i helped him through it. whenever we have breaks at work im always paying. its costing 25 pounds a day as he always wants to go in coffee shops like starbucks etc. ...
A. 16 May 2010: But why do you keep giving him money if he never pays you back ?... (read in full...)
I need to move on from this relationship but just don't know how to do it!
Q. I have been in a relationship with a married man for five years, he is 17 yrs older than me, and im just 25. He has told me several times, he wants to be with me and have a family, and makes me promise me I will never leave him. However, lately I ...
A. 16 May 2010: What about simply telling him that you don't want to be a mistress anymore ? His marital status is not a minor detail.
I understand perfectly that breaking a marriage is a difficult and painful decision - but 5 years are enough to take it and if h... (read in full...)
He abuses me but other times treats me like a queen. Can this relationship be saved?
Q. I feel like I need to get out but my love is preventing me from doing so. I've been with him for I think about mmm 2 years and a couple of months. During that time he has been in jail for 8 months and no it wasn't all his fault. But that's another ...
A. 16 May 2010: No,it's not worth it. What's going on is dangerous. You may see it as passionate ,but it's just plain dangerous. You are playing with fire. You should disentagle yourself from this relationship whatever it takes- even pressing charges or moving s... (read in full...)
In love with my fwb/ex?! help!
Q. Alright, so my first real long-term boyfriend of 3 months and I broke up about four months ago. Since then, after we got over the awkwardness of being around each other after the break up, it seems we can't keep our hands off each other whenever ...
A. 16 May 2010: Have you ever heard about "the thrill of the chase "? What is readily and easily available is less intriguing for any of us than what implies a challenge. Yes,he is using you. If he really liked you- he'd ask you to get back together. The fa... (read in full...)
Can't look at each other during sex
Q. hey guys my boyfriend and i hav been together for 4 years when we have sex we dont look at eachother ever!!! he took my verginity.. we do hav great sex.. when hes on top of me or going down on me the pillow goes over my face. when i...
A. 16 May 2010: Good ,OP- you have your answer- You never make love in a slow,tender ,romantic way- you always chose to have sex in a more primal,physical,performational way . Which may feel great in terms of body sensations but it does not build closeness and ... (read in full...)
What to do ?scared to date again
Q. There is this guy I like. well i think i do i feel like i am scared to like him. cause i dont want to be hurt. My first boyfriend lied about having sex with me to his friends i found out and cut him out my life then i liked a well known player who ...
A. 16 May 2010: For the time being,neither one. Don't close off your life. You have been hurt in the past-that's life. Everybody has got some emotional scar. The past is past.and does not need to influence your future if you don't allow that. Life begins alwa... (read in full...)
Boyfriend dumped me after 3 weeks, and I don't know why...
Q. Hey, my boyfriend of 3 weeks just broke up with me, and i really don't understand why. For the first 2 weeks he was really into me, he was so affectionate, wanted to see me all the time, always wanted me to stay over. We'd talked to each other a lot ...
A. 16 May 2010: I know this won't help you a lot because now you feel differently, but 3 weeks ( actually 2 ) is not a relationship yet, it's an embryo of relationship, it's the stage when people gets an overall impression of how things could develop and ... (read in full...)
My wife is afraid to swallow. What can I do to help her get rid of this little fear?
Q. I have a great relationship with my wife and we love each other very much. She and I give each other oral sex. The thing is that I have asked her if she will swalow and she has said yes but she just can't bring herself to do it. What can I do ...
A. 15 May 2010: Aww guys,come on, why so many hang ups. After all, people every day put in their mouths things like frog legs, or snails,or runny cheese,or tripe- without batting a lid and paying good money for that .
It's like with oysters,or truffle : it's an a... (read in full...)
Should I cancel the date because he told me his penis size?
Q. Hi friends, I met a guy online and he is 13 years younger than me. I am 48, take great care of myself and get alot of attention from guys. We are both professionals, work out alot and he is very handsome. We have been emailing, within a week he...
A. 15 May 2010: I think you and this guy are not on the same page.
Example : on Craiglist there is a "man ISO woman " section ( and viceversa ) and a "casual encounters " section. In the second one, plenty of guys include in their self description the size... (read in full...)
Help!!! Why did he leave??????
Q. okay so i dated someone 28 years old for four years. He always wanted "space" and finally now that he finished school and got his friends and a good job he decided he wants space again. this time i did not crawl back to him , and after bitter ...
A. 15 May 2010: You know, there's a very generic answer to "why did he leave me after 5 years of love " and its being generic does not make it less true: because some times people change. They change their mind,or their tastes,or their goals. After 5,or 15, or 25 ... (read in full...)
I can't feel empathy for anyone! I want to, but I can't!
Q. I'm well-liked, I have lots of friends, and I'm a pretty sweet person. People trust me and often cry to me about their problems. With friends, typical teen situations like suicide, parents, grade-failure, love, are the topics talked about. With a ...
A. 15 May 2010: Lack of empathy is quite often associated to bipolar disorder in its manic phase,as well as irritability and a dominant feeling of anger.
Talk to your therapist about this problem, he should be able to help you.
... (read in full...)
Why doesn't my boyfriend want me?
Q. I'm eighteen years old and ive been with my boyfriend for about four months. even though that seems like no time at all, both me and my boyfriend feel like we're "the one" for the other.he proposed after just a couple weeks. lately though,...
A. 14 May 2010: This answer may be not very satisfactory to you- nevertheless it reflects the reality of many teen age relationships.
I assume your bf is around your age, and at this age,or even later, boys are not very mature or future oriented.
They tend to ... (read in full...)
Help!!! Why did he leave??????
Q. okay so i dated someone 28 years old for four years. He always wanted "space" and finally now that he finished school and got his friends and a good job he decided he wants space again. this time i did not crawl back to him , and after bitter ...
A. 14 May 2010: It sounds like he was keeping his options open.
He likes his freedom and fun, and he likes to know that,in a pinch,you 'd be his default option. That's what the "friendship " was about. Quite common technique-
The real question that you have to ... (read in full...)
Now that we're broken up I wonder... did I focus too much on superficial things?
Q. Should I listen to my gut, or listen to my heart? When my boyfriend and I were together, I had some worries. We had a difficult time having deep conversations... most of our conversations were about each other's day, that kind of thing. but we re...
A. 14 May 2010: These are not superficial issues,they are indicators of very possible trouble oncve the relationship is out of the romantic "hoeymoon " stage.
It's a serious problem,eventually,not being able to connect at a deeper level than "what did you eat ... (read in full...)
Clingy or having healthy emotional needs?
Q. How do you determine if a girlfriend is being "clingly" or is just having healthy emotional needs? Where do you draw the line?...
A. 14 May 2010: For what my answer is concerned,you just have to apply the questions to yourself :
Do you have other hobbies,passions,interests beside spending time with yr bf?,etc.etc.etc.
... (read in full...)
Should I stay? He has broken up with me 22 times since we first got together.
Q. Ok, I might bullet this to make it clearer I am 23, Female, been with my boyfriend for two and a half years We live and work together in a pub and I am currently finishing my degree He has broken up with me 22 times since we first got to...
A. 14 May 2010: He has picked up a pattern of breaking up with you at the slightest "provocation "so that he can make his point and ,in a sense, teach you a lesson.
Now you should move to your new job and teach him a valuable lesson ,which is : always say what... (read in full...)
Confused about this reconciliation we're going through after I found him on a dating website!
Q. I dated this guy for 2 months and he suddenly stopped communicated and I quickly discovered he was on a dating website. Things between him and I had been amazing and I really felt like we had something special and he was "the one". (I'm in my late ...
A. 14 May 2010: Exactly. Maybe his feelings were not so strong after all. You felt he was the one for you, but he must have felt differently otherwise he would not have been dabbling with dating sites to begin with.
A thing that bothers me is that jf took him 3 w... (read in full...)
All the symptoms and still no period! Help!!!
Q. hello ladies, your advice is very much needed, i had unprotected sex with my fiance on the 28th of march (9 days after my period started) i have a cycle of 26 to 28 days, so i got scared and took the morning after pill which caused me to have ...
A. 14 May 2010: I am sure that OmgDoll is right ,yet I would like to point out that the 21st days of your cycle is only theorically safe,in practice there are no 100percent safe days because occasionally you can have a late ovulation, or even two different ... (read in full...)
Will I be able to meet a future girlfriend without relying on my work/occupation to find her?
Q. I'm 22 at university and I'm currently doing a masters in Civil Engineering. I've had 2 girlfriends before and after my last one I decided to concentrate on my exams and wait until I start working (after I've done a bit of travelling). ALthough...
A. 14 May 2010: Strange question . Of course you can. Do you think everybody meets their partners at work ? Do you think that lawyers date only lawyers, teachers only teachers,doctors only doctors,zookeepers only zookeepers ?
Sorry OP, I don't mean to make fun ... (read in full...)
I am pregnant and he wont marry me so I left him. Do you think he will come back to me?
Q. Hello. Me and my boyfriend have been together 5 years and are very much in love. We are now expecting a child together and happy. I want to get married before the child come but he doesnt. It means alot to me and its all i think about. We are both ...
A. 13 May 2010: I wish you that you may have him back ,if this is what you want, but, honestly, if really you both want different things, and cannot find an agreement, it would not make much sense for him to come back.... (read in full...)
Three questions about my Swedish exchange student boyfriend!
Q. Three questions about my Swedish exchange student boyfriend! Are all Swedish girls really good looking? I'm seeing a Swedish exchange student and am rather insecure. He goes back to his country soon and I am really insecure because from what yo...
A. 13 May 2010: I have been to Sweden and not all the girls there look like goddesses. The general level of attractiveness is rather high but you see around also plenty of average or plain girls. I am a dark eyed,dark haired Italian and I got quite some attention ... (read in full...)
How can I get away, without totally ruining my life further?
Q. Hey there hero's. So I'm feeling really lost in my life at the moment. I seem to be running on a loop. Changing some things and making the same mistakes again with others. I feel I need to get away from everyone in my life just for a while so I...
A. 13 May 2010: I think most of what you feel has simply got to do with your age. Growing pains :)
But,you mention lack of concentration,lack of motivation and feelings of emptiness, which are common symptoms in depression.
You could take a self evaluati... (read in full...)
I haven't been in touch for a couple of years -- should I phone?
Q. I'm going to this city to see my girlfriend "Amelia" for the weekend. And I was thinking if during my stay I can meet up with more people.I want to meet up with "Aaron" but here are the problems.. 1) I haven't seen him in over a year.(Last time ...
A. 13 May 2010: You have his phone no.- just call him. Tell him you'll be in his town from...to... and, if he can find the time, you'd love to meet up.... (read in full...)
Married and sex is mundane...should I cheat?
Q. I really need some help. I am currently married. My wife is pregnant. About 2 months. I don't understand myself. I love her very very much. However, I can't help but feel an urge to cheat; and I don't know why! I've even registered on so...
A. 13 May 2010: Suppose you cheat. Suppose you get caught. I know you are thinking you'd be clever about it, and you'd never get caught,but the risk is there, and most cheaters do get found out.
Suppose your wife has a problem with your cheating, and suppose she ... (read in full...)
I said I'd have sex with this player, and don't know how to get out of it
Q. So I'm 14 , and theres this guy I really like , hes 15 We had a little thing going on at the beginning but then he went out with one of my friends. He's a player and really only wants a girl to put out for him , thing is i said I would , it all star...
A. 13 May 2010: You don't know how to get out of it ? Why,it's not like you gave your solemn word to Queen Elizabeth or your Prime Minister. Just say you changed your mind. Just say it's not a good idea. Just say NO !
He won't like you better just because you gav... (read in full...)
Does the greatest happiness come through having a partner?
Q. Hi guys. I don't have a girlfriend at the moment, and I don't care too much whether I do or don't. But I have been thinking about something lately. I need to know how one finds the courage to face up to their fears? I lack motivation to le...
A. 13 May 2010: No,if you found a partner that would not necessarily solve all your unhappinees issues. There's planty of people who havea partner yet they are miserable.
Nothing outside of you can guarantee you lasting happiness- neither a lover nor a career nor ... (read in full...)
Did I get her pregnant? How do I deal with this?
Q. I'm a male 20 yrs and I think I may have ejaculated inside this woman, I'm positive that I ejaculated outside as I saw with own eyes. But my lack of self confidence makes me doubt myself. I'm totally freaking out and I'm constantly cursi...
A. 13 May 2010: Ok,StianKinn- First, it's too early to start fretting right now. She might not be pregnant at all. Wait for the result of the pregnancy test.
Second,pls. do not pressure her for an abortion. Her body,her choice . If you do pressure her, I'll prom... (read in full...)
Did I get her pregnant? How do I deal with this?
Q. I'm a male 20 yrs and I think I may have ejaculated inside this woman, I'm positive that I ejaculated outside as I saw with own eyes. But my lack of self confidence makes me doubt myself. I'm totally freaking out and I'm constantly cursi...
A. 13 May 2010: My thought exactly ,q1605-some times you amaze me.
StianKinn,it's not that I don't have compassion for your predicament,you are only 20 and it's normal you are scared. But what does it mean " I am not ready for the responsibility "? Once you deci... (read in full...)
I can't be at two places at the same time!
Q. this is kinda weird but, I am dating this guy and he is in a classic rock kinda band (they play good oldies). So, they haven't had a show in over a year because they had no drummer (he got a girlfriend and became to cool for the band). Anyways, so ...
A. 13 May 2010: I'd go to the graduation.
You have already heard yr bf play before and you will again. The gruaduation is this one time only.... (read in full...)
Having doubts about my LDR!
Q. Dear reader ( i guess) any ways here's the thing i've known this guy since i was 17 thought the internet and we were friends for almots 5 yrs now( im 22 now) this year he conformed his love to me and i love him too but he lives far away so it's bas...
A. 12 May 2010: No LDR can stay a LDR forever. Have you discussed the feasibility of actually living together at some point ?
When that could happen ? In one year, in two years, in five years ? Who would be moving , and could he or she find work in the part... (read in full...)
My boyfriend never wants sex so how do I fix that?
Q. Help!! My bf is training for the marines, and now he never wants sex! Or anything to do with coming near me, this isn't like him, he used to b all over me and constantly wanted sex wot has happend to change this and how can I fix it? ...
A. 12 May 2010: I don't know any marine personally but from what you see in movies ,training for the marines is no picnic,in fact it's very draining both physically and psychologically. Then ,whether he says it or not, he may be worried about his new life in the ... (read in full...)
Is something wrong with me since I'm not sex driven?
Q. So, I'm sixteen and I'm still a virgin. I have had 4 boyfriends who have all tried to get in my pants and have been really close to but haven't. My problem is sex just doesn't seem appealing to me right now. Is there something wrong with me? I...
A. 12 May 2010: I think you are the "normal " one. There are scores of very young girls that do not feel even remotely ready for sex but brainwash themselves into believing the opposite, because of peer and media pressure, need for social acceptance in a group ... (read in full...)
Clingy or having healthy emotional needs?
Q. How do you determine if a girlfriend is being "clingly" or is just having healthy emotional needs? Where do you draw the line?...
A. 8 May 2010: Does she have other interests ,hobbies and passions beside hanging out with you ?
Does she have other goals in her life ( work,study,sport,whatever ) other than keeping your relationship going ?
If you should cancel plans with her ( with a good r... (read in full...)
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