Like what
she writes?
... Add *indyCares to your favourite agony aunts
Want to get in touch?
... Send *indyCares a private message | | | *indyCares's profile:Hi everybody. I am an Italian woman currently living in Italy but I spent many years in England and USA. I hope my English is still decent but in case it got a little rusty, please be lenient.
My age ? Let say that I am way past the stage when you cry if the boy you like takes your best friend to the prom, and young enough to remember how awful that feels.
What qualifies me to help people- well, let me show off just a bit and mention that I studied Psychology 4 years in college, and, even if then I graduated in a different subject, I never lost my interest in psychology and kept reading a lot about this subject. Yet that does not really qualify me for anything because intellectual knowledge is not the same as real life experience. So let's say I feel I can advice people because I have lived a lot, travelled a lot, met a lot of people from all backgrounds , races and religions- I have loved a lot, and I have also been dumped a lot :)
Plus, I am really fascinated with people and their stories. Not in a gossipy way. I just find that every person is a whole new world that I am excited to discover.
Right now I am single- and happily so. I realized- better late than never - that rather than waiting for Prince Charming I should first become a Princess myself. You can't love anybody unconditionally, if first you don't love yourself unconditionally, and this is what I am learning to do.
Looking forward to hear from all of you..
Ciao
Cindy |
|
| Latest articles: Devastation in Italy
This question has 2 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
26 August 2016: This has got nothing to do with romance or relationships or love- maybe with love for our fellow human beings, i.e. solidariety and compassion , so I hope that the mods will publish this regardless. On August 24th a devastating eartquak...
Ten best ways for a woman to be given her walking papers.
This question has 7 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
19 August 2014: Yeah I know : ultimately love is a mystery, not an exact science. There's always an element of sheer luck, of serendipity, of magic in it. Some times you do everything right, by the book, you are the perfect gf / wife / lover .. and you still get ...
|
Should I even try to save my relationship?
Q. Hello everybody, I need some advice so i turn to you. I am in a relationship with a good person for 2 and a half years. We've had our ups and downs, as everybody i guess, but every time we managed to get through it. I am 20 he is 21 and we've li...
A. 22 April 2010: Have you ever considered a third alternative ? Like,letting go of both guys and be on your own for a while ?
You are not in love with first guy anymore and it seems to me it's a waste of energy tryng to save a relationship which basically does not ... (read in full...)
It's my birthday, ..and I'll invite who I want to!
Q. I'm organising a meal for my birthday this month and I have a huge group of people coming- some are friends from school, some current and ex colleagues etc... Now i have invited an ex colleague if mine who I often see out of work. She was only a ...
A. 22 April 2010: You cannot uninvite her , that would be awfully rude !
like you said,it's your birtday and your party which you are paying for- invite whom you want and do not worry about anything else.
If your two colleagues would come to the party, they wou... (read in full...)
2 guys and I"m unsure which to chose!
Q. I have somehow managed to get involved with 2 guys at the same time and now I don't know what to do. The first guy I've been seeing for 18 months, with most of that as long distance (flying back and forth a lot). He helped me get out of an abusiv...
A. 22 April 2010: Of course we cannot tell you what to do, plus I think in this cases the answer lies within, and it's only a matter to let it surface. I guess deep down you already have a preference for one of them.
As for me, I root for the second guy. The firs... (read in full...)
Addicted to columbus coffee and him
Q. Drama, drama, drama! I am in my last year of school, and I am completely infatuated with a guy who is already taken. Now, before I say anything else, I am NOT a house-breaker. Now we have that cleared up... Next to my school is a (very conven...
A. 22 April 2010: Try switching to Starbucks :)... (read in full...)
I don't know if I want my wife back but I want revenge!
Q. I have posted here before and have liked the advise, I'm giving it another try since I'm still having issues with my wife. I am the original poster of "should I confront my wife or let destiny run its course" To minimize I caught my wife c...
A. 22 April 2010: I think the best revenge would be ignoring and depriving her of any kind of attention ,sexually and otherwise. she must be getting a big thrill from having two men sort of competing for her affections.... (read in full...)
I need an opinion, does he miss me?
Q. I was seeing this guy for a few months and I really really liked him but all of a sudden things weren't going too well in his life, he quit college (where we met) and told me he didn't want to see me anymore because he wasn't ready for a relation...
A. 22 April 2010: I agree with Lexie88. You know,under some aspects life is really simple.... "Why does not he call me" "Why doesn't he commit " "Why does not he comes back to me " and so on. the answer is always the same - because he does not want to. Or at least he ... (read in full...)
I really like him but... he's got a girlfriend.
Q. So I've been really having a serious crush on this guy.. I have been told that yeah he is flirting with me and seems to be interested in me. There's only one problem he has a girlfriend. I don't know how long they been together or anything. These ...
A. 22 April 2010: If he has a girlfriend and he feels it's ok flirting with you, when you'll be his girlfriend he will feel it's ok flirting with another girl.... (read in full...)
Would you date someone like that?
Q. my boyfriend has a high school diploma ad he does not know if he wants to go back to school, while i am getting my bachelors. he does not have a bank account, he is not that intelligent meaning he can not really read or spell that great. ...
A. 22 April 2010: Leave him.
That he cannot read or spell correctly may not be his fauly ( he may have a learning disability ).
But that he is a chronic borrower,and a moocher to his friends, is his fault. If he likes living off people now, in future he'll want to ... (read in full...)
I don't trust him with my son
Q. When I was younger, my father had excessive or uncontrollable anger. He would lose his temper a lot and start yelling at my mother, brother and/or me. My mom gave him a choice of going to anger management or my mom was going to divorce him. My ...
A. 21 April 2010: Maybe you are being too overprotective,
Ten years is a long time and if your father has not had any anger outburst in the last 10 yeara it is reasonable to assume that he overcome his problem.
Said that, you are the mom ,and you call the shots. Y... (read in full...)
Depressed and stuck in a rut, please help!
Q. im 19 and hate my life, i know there are worse people off then me but i fell really down all the time. all i do is come home from college and sit in my room. all my friends are busy with there boyfriends and i dont know what to do i have tried ...
A. 21 April 2010: I know that at 19 it is difficult but impose yourself to take a break from dating and boyfriends and relationships.
Don't try finding a boyfriend- forget about it for a while and put your energy into something totally unrelated.
Sport, dance,mu... (read in full...)
Do girls care about circumcision?
Q. I m uncircumcised I don't know if it's going to be a problem ,i got pretty good size 9 inch and i can pull my forskin back pretty long way and it's not causing me any issues in bed ,and all women have a great pleasure during sex. Since now no women ...
A. 21 April 2010: It's just a cultural thing. In Italy nobody is circumcised ( unless of course for religious reasons,if you are Jewish or Muslim ) and girls generally think the opposite : a circumcised penis ? Heeew,gross :)
She'll get used to it. Don't do anyt... (read in full...)
I'm practically in love with him! What should I do when I see him again?
Q. Sorry this might be a little long but i need to explain. So 4 years ago a family moved to my town. I became friends with the girl from the family. She had an older brother who is about 2-3 years older than me. Ever since I saw him for the first time ...
A. 21 April 2010: He does not want to get to know you better. He does not want to be your friend.
All he wants from you is that you give him sex phone and "head " on demand. Actually- he does not even want it that much, otherwise he would have found a way to cont... (read in full...)
Is eight guys too many?
Q. this is kind of stupid to ask but i just want to know people's opinion (go easy please :P) i am 18 and over the last 2 years i have had sex with 8 guys. is that too many? does that make me a slut? only 3 of the guys was i in any sort of relationship ...
A. 21 April 2010: It depends.
If you have slept with 8 guys because you really wanted each one of them,out of love or out of lust it does not matter, then it's fine.
If you have been with any of these guys because you let them pressure you into it, or because ... (read in full...)
Do I go for "True happiness" or "This is alright"
Q. Right I'm going to skip the nonsense and get straight to the point. I've been with my partner for two years. He has problems due to an accident. He is on a hell of a lot of medications and shows no interest in sex. He is snappy and no matter what he ...
A. 21 April 2010: Caring about your own needs and pursuing your own happiness is not selfish. It's your right, and your duty toward yourself.
We'll, if he were a toddler and you were his mom, I'd say you have to make his happines your priority and sacrifice your want... (read in full...)
Is it the right thing to do to warn a partner we might not look so great when naked?
Q. I think as we get older, we become a bit less selfish. But even though that is a good thing, it is a shame that we start to put on a bit of weight. Then when we strip naked before having sex, we have to warn the other person that we might not look ...
A. 21 April 2010: Don't say anyhting. It's all in your mind . It's all about the way you perceive yourself.
Years ago, I had to undergo an operation that left a rather noticeable scar on my body. The first time I was going to have sez after that, I was extr... (read in full...)
Is there a future for me and my fiance?
Q. To give you the background, my fiance and I have been together for nearly three years (engaged for one of those). We were close friends for about a year before we started dating. We moved in together just before getting engaged but have not mad...
A. 21 April 2010: I guess you could have a sort of trial period and keep just dating and see what happens. But don't keep it too long- eventually you will have to make up your mind,- so make sure that the trial period does not become an excuse for living in a ... (read in full...)
Girlfriend has stopped giving oral...
Q. Hi Ive been with my girlfriend 2 years now, things are good and we are planning to move in together in the next few weeks. In the bedroom though i have a real issue, oral. At the start, she gave oral regularly (2 or 3 times a week) and sa...
A. 21 April 2010: I am not so surprised. I know a lot of women who do not particularly like performing fellatio. I am not even talking about those who find it disgusting,or weird, or anything like that. It 's just that it does not stimulate directly any female ... (read in full...)
Boyfriend angry we broke up and says "Once a whore, always a whore!"
Q. I need your help. I have no one else to turn to about this. I can't talk to my family and I no longer am able to talk to my best friends. This is alittle complicated, my boyfriend and I dated in highschool for 2 years and during that time I did some ...
A. 21 April 2010: Hh darling- and you ask what should you do. You should get out of this "relationship " . And out of his reach. Immediately.
I am serious, the writing on the wall is clear and it's not good at all. This guy is not only making you miserable, but ... (read in full...)
Should I tell my friend I spoke to him on her behalf?
Q. ok, my friend likes this guy and has done for aagggeeesss and shes been talkin about him loads as hes now single. i suggested she spoke to him. she wouldnt so i said i could have a word with him to see how he feels about it. she wasnt all tooo up ...
A. 21 April 2010: Don't tell her. And in future, stay out of your friends ' love life,unless they expressely ask for your help.... (read in full...)
Why do guys always stare at me?
Q. Everywhere I go, guys always stare at me, or beep their car horns, or try and chat me up and wolf whistle at me. I can't even walk my dog or go get a pint of milk from the corner shop without getting oggled. I dress appropriately, for example...
A. 21 April 2010: I wish I would have your problems, lol !
If you are sure you do not dress provocatively- then just relax, enjoy the attention, and take it as a compliment to your beauty and femininity.... (read in full...)
Why is my boyfriend going on dating websites?
Q. Hi everyone, Ok, so I've found out since a week ago that my boyfriend has set up an adultfriendfinder account. We've been together for almost three years, and the thought of this ruining our relationship is heartbreaking.. But on the other hand, I ...
A. 21 April 2010: Very good plan. Go ahead.
There's many people browsing dating sites out of harmless curiosity- but if he makes an appointment, and worse, if he shows up, then this is far from harmless.... (read in full...)
Is there a future for me and my fiance?
Q. To give you the background, my fiance and I have been together for nearly three years (engaged for one of those). We were close friends for about a year before we started dating. We moved in together just before getting engaged but have not mad...
A. 21 April 2010: Sorry , my first period should read " marrying somebody only out affection, gratitude and shared history " etc. etc.Hope it's clearer now.... (read in full...)
Is there a future for me and my fiance?
Q. To give you the background, my fiance and I have been together for nearly three years (engaged for one of those). We were close friends for about a year before we started dating. We moved in together just before getting engaged but have not mad...
A. 21 April 2010: That 's only my personal opnion, of course, but according to my experience marrying somebody only story is a big ,big mistake.
You are going to be married, to share the rest of your life with this guy- you should be feeling excited- elated- thri... (read in full...)
Going in circles - which of us should back down?
Q. Okay here it is... I met a guy(we will just call him Steve) a little over 2 years ago and we have gone back and forward for the past 2 years because I don't want to stop dating people until he makes a committment to me and he doesn't want to make a ...
A. 21 April 2010: It's not a matter of what you "should " do, it's a matter of what you want to do.
Do you want to play the field a bit or keep your options open or whatever ? Why not,you are young and there would be nothing wrong with that- just do not expect that... (read in full...)
Is it my fault he is controlling and abusive?
Q. Please help me I am so lost...I asked for advice a few months ago about part of my situation...I'm 21 and when I was just turned 18 I cheated on my then boyfriend with a guy who turned out to be a complete stalker/ obsessed compulsive lair. Let's ...
A. 20 April 2010: When you say "he's also physical some times ", I assume you mean he is physically abusive,right ?
So : your fault,his fault,my fault.... who cares???
Just get out of this relationship FAST. Like,right now . What are you waiting for ? To see how ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend went out with this girl, and said it wasn't a date, but it sure sounds like a date!
Q. So uhm, I had recently broken up with my bf because i was having this strange feeling that he was flirting with his crush, who, by the way, is less pretty, smart, talented and appealing than i am. So i would get really mad whenever id think about ...
A. 20 April 2010: You still believe that he loves you- and at the same time you believe he does things on purpose to hurt you,which would not be the best as demonstration of love. Maybe you are not , and cannot be, so sure about his feelings after all.
what you ... (read in full...)
Is my ex girlfriend playing games
Q. *OP's own title* I have this ex girlfriend I was with for about 8 months and our relationship was very loving and caring to about the last two months. At this point she had grew really distant, so I broke up with her nov 1st 2009. What a stupid mis...
A. 20 April 2010: I guess in your heart you already know what you should do : move on, and this time for real. No more contact, no more text, throw away pics and mementos, the ususl stuff.
It not that she's deliberately playing a game with you to be spiteful- she'... (read in full...)
I wanted him to fight for me, ...but he just gave up instead.
Q. My boyfriend and I broke up because he wasn't sure about his feelings for me anymore. We'd been together for 3 years. I told him I couldn't be with someone who wasn't fully committed if I was. But truthfully i had my doubts. 2 weeks passed and he c...
A. 20 April 2010: I don't quite see why did you want him to fight for you and what there's to fight about,
He broke up with you, then he changed his mind. You,rightly, asked him some time to decide what you wanted to do... and in the meantime he slept with some... (read in full...)
I rejected his advances, ...but now he has a girlfriend I am jealous.
Q. Okay so I have this guy friend , and we met like in August 2009, and he liked me ever since , i always denied him, or made up something so i wouldn't hurt him , He always makes me laugh , even on the worst days, he makes me smile, hes always there ...
A. 20 April 2010: No honey, you are jealous because you loved getting his attention, and the feeling of being important and special for somebody- and now of course there's someone who is more special than you, and you ego is a bit bruised. Very normal- it will go ... (read in full...)
He said he's going through difficult times but I don't want to let him go
Q. im in love with this guy. ive liked him for 8 months. but we were all over each other at this party and he told me he liked me no he told me he loved me, but then the next day he said he wasnt sure. he said he was going through some sh*t and didn...
A. 20 April 2010: he might be sincere about going through a tough time , and he might not ( that's a very classic excuse of males wanting to distance themselves ). When in doubt- do not cling. Do not chase, do not pursue. If he really likes you, he will be back once ... (read in full...)
Which scholarship to take - be close to her now or very close to a year from now
Q. Hi, i need advice. I'm a 19 year old from Ireland. It might sound crazy but I've fallen madly in love with a girl from America who I met online. She's 17. She's from Texas but lives elsewhere now, but is moving back to Texas this summer. I really l...
A. 20 April 2010: I'd wait. If you are gonna be 1000 miles from Houston you would end up still communicating most of the time through webcam and skype,exactly like you are doing right now.
You are worried she may meet someone else in the meantime,but that's not ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend went out with this girl, and said it wasn't a date, but it sure sounds like a date!
Q. So uhm, I had recently broken up with my bf because i was having this strange feeling that he was flirting with his crush, who, by the way, is less pretty, smart, talented and appealing than i am. So i would get really mad whenever id think about ...
A. 19 April 2010: calm down, and repeat after me : I BROKE UP WITH HIM ON APRIL 7th. I BROKE UP WITH HIM ON APRIL 7th. I BROKE UP WITH HIM ON APRIL /th.
This picture taking-cum-hanging out happened on April 15 , right ?. You two were already broken up and your EX b... (read in full...)
Shall I stay or should I go?
Q. I have been with my husband for 6.5 years (married for 3 years). We have always argued and there has never been much 'harmony' in the house, but we used to really show a lot of love to each other and it was always fun making up. However, ever ...
A. 19 April 2010: You paint a rather grim picture of your situation and at first sight one is tempted to say : why bother stayng in this marriage any longer? You two just have incompatible personalities and outlokks on life,you feeel differently about nearly ... (read in full...)
I ruined something beautiful and now he doesn't want to know me
Q. hii...i am an engineering graduate. i got attracted to my classmate when i was in first year. he was interested in me too.we started talking and liking each other a lot. we used to converse in phone calls whole nights..even till 6 in the morning... ...
A. 19 April 2010: I know it's difficult. It has to get worse before it can get better. Cry ,if you need to cry- and just stay away from that phone. :) If you need support during this phone withdrawal, and if you think it may help you, you are welcome to send me a ... (read in full...)
Friend says she wants to sleep with me
Q. (Moderator note: broke this into paragraphs to make it easier to follow) One weekend back when I was in school I saw a girl from one of my classes walking by the food court in the mall. I just happened to see that she had some type of accident...
A. 19 April 2010: I don't think she said she wants to sleep with you out of guilt. Guilt for what ? For a silly misunderstanding that was not her fault to begin with, and that did not really cause any serious consequences execept a temporary bruise to your ego ?
P... (read in full...)
Fell for him be he started going out with someone else before I could tell him
Q. Hi guys/girls (IM sorry if it seems im pouring my heart out but i dont really have anyone to talk 2 ) im katie in 24 and compleatly lost at the moment, i really likes this guy slept with him 2 fridays ago, then the weekdend of that friday(...
A. 19 April 2010: Please do not write. Don't do anything. Do not scheme,contrive, or come up with plans that would just end up with you making a fool of yourself.
Stick to the facts : he slept with you on a Friday, then on Sunday he started dating someone else... (read in full...)
Why does he want to see me?
Q. this guy and i split up because it seemed as if his interest in me was no longer there, he wasnt makking the effort. Its been a little while now but now hes talking to me again he wants to see me but i can't work out why. does he just want to meet ...
A. 19 April 2010: If he is currently involved with someone else, it is possible that he may want to see you to reestablish a sexual connection.... (read in full...)
Do we have a problem here?
Q. Is This A Problem? A few months ago my boyfriend and I discussed how to have more intimate time since work and being tired were getting in the way. He came up with the idea of planning midweek overnight rendezvous to make sure we got together...
A. 19 April 2010: Not yet. If he just cancelled once, hey it happens. If that should happen again,- if you start seeing a pattern of making dates and not keeping them, then you have to worry.... (read in full...)
Do you ever get over your first love?
Q. Hi, I have a question that maybe subjective but do you ever get over your first love? I am a happily married 37 yr old and have been with my husband for fourteen years now. My first real boyfriend was when I was 17 and we went out for two year...
A. 19 April 2010: You do get over your first love What you are hooked on is not the memory of yr first love ,but the mmemory of your first grief,of your first big sorrow.
There ìs a poet ( sorry I don't remeber who ) who says : The memory of past joy is not joy ... (read in full...)
I ruined something beautiful and now he doesn't want to know me
Q. hii...i am an engineering graduate. i got attracted to my classmate when i was in first year. he was interested in me too.we started talking and liking each other a lot. we used to converse in phone calls whole nights..even till 6 in the morning... ...
A. 19 April 2010: Don't be so drastic :)- Of course you do not need to run away if you meet him by chance. If he initiates contact, or says hi, or if you bump into each other- just be friendly,polite and civilly casual- don't cry,be emotional, or bring up "heavy" ... (read in full...)
Is this my fault he's gone off again?
Q. *OP's own title* Let's call the boy I'm interested in, "Jeremy". So for the past 3 years, I've been very attracted to Jeremy. He seemed amazingly perfect for me. He wasn't like any of the other guys I've ever known. He dresses nice and has s...
A. 19 April 2010: 1)no it's not weird. It happens all the times. make sure though you don' make it worse by wallowing in self pity.
2)nobody is all good or all bad and this is not even a matter of being good or bad ,it's just that between you something didn't clic... (read in full...)
I ruined something beautiful and now he doesn't want to know me
Q. hii...i am an engineering graduate. i got attracted to my classmate when i was in first year. he was interested in me too.we started talking and liking each other a lot. we used to converse in phone calls whole nights..even till 6 in the morning... ...
A. 18 April 2010: My opinion will not help you a lot because I am gonna advise you what you do not want to do, but be reasonable, darling, your friends are right. You MUST stop chasing after him, you must let him be for a while, you must stop tryng to make contact ... (read in full...)
| *indyCares's friends
These are mutual friends, so *indyCares has
added them and they have added *indyCares!
|
![[?]BitterSweetFinale;[?] agony aunt](/avatars/7bb1e9ea-6c2f-43b8-a4f7-0635b7eff08c.png){kind=small}
