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... Send *indyCares a private message | | | *indyCares's profile:Hi everybody. I am an Italian woman currently living in Italy but I spent many years in England and USA. I hope my English is still decent but in case it got a little rusty, please be lenient.
My age ? Let say that I am way past the stage when you cry if the boy you like takes your best friend to the prom, and young enough to remember how awful that feels.
What qualifies me to help people- well, let me show off just a bit and mention that I studied Psychology 4 years in college, and, even if then I graduated in a different subject, I never lost my interest in psychology and kept reading a lot about this subject. Yet that does not really qualify me for anything because intellectual knowledge is not the same as real life experience. So let's say I feel I can advice people because I have lived a lot, travelled a lot, met a lot of people from all backgrounds , races and religions- I have loved a lot, and I have also been dumped a lot :)
Plus, I am really fascinated with people and their stories. Not in a gossipy way. I just find that every person is a whole new world that I am excited to discover.
Right now I am single- and happily so. I realized- better late than never - that rather than waiting for Prince Charming I should first become a Princess myself. You can't love anybody unconditionally, if first you don't love yourself unconditionally, and this is what I am learning to do.
Looking forward to hear from all of you..
Ciao
Cindy |
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| Latest articles: Devastation in Italy
This question has 2 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
26 August 2016: This has got nothing to do with romance or relationships or love- maybe with love for our fellow human beings, i.e. solidariety and compassion , so I hope that the mods will publish this regardless. On August 24th a devastating eartquak...
Ten best ways for a woman to be given her walking papers.
This question has 7 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
19 August 2014: Yeah I know : ultimately love is a mystery, not an exact science. There's always an element of sheer luck, of serendipity, of magic in it. Some times you do everything right, by the book, you are the perfect gf / wife / lover .. and you still get ...
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Clingy or having healthy emotional needs?
Q. How do you determine if a girlfriend is being "clingly" or is just having healthy emotional needs? Where do you draw the line?...
A. 14 May 2010: For what my answer is concerned,you just have to apply the questions to yourself :
Do you have other hobbies,passions,interests beside spending time with yr bf?,etc.etc.etc.
... (read in full...)
Is something wrong with me since I'm not sex driven?
Q. So, I'm sixteen and I'm still a virgin. I have had 4 boyfriends who have all tried to get in my pants and have been really close to but haven't. My problem is sex just doesn't seem appealing to me right now. Is there something wrong with me? I...
A. 12 May 2010: I think you are the "normal " one. There are scores of very young girls that do not feel even remotely ready for sex but brainwash themselves into believing the opposite, because of peer and media pressure, need for social acceptance in a group ... (read in full...)
He's acting hot and cold so what does this mean?
Q. So this boy sent this message to me after I wrote him a message saying that I can't deal with his hot n' cold behavior. We were already kind of separated because he did some dumb things. For example he gave me my first kiss and then ignored for a ...
A. 12 May 2010: My dear, I am all in favour of thinking positive, but if you manage to give yourself hopes in this situation, you are way too optimistic than you need to be.
What do I think he really wants ? ... He told you very clearly, and he has shown you ... (read in full...)
Why is she mad at me for trying to keep the sparks going?
Q. I need some help understanding my wife. So my work schedule has made it hard for us to spend time together, let alone be intimate. I was working and called her, it went to voicemail. She called me back and said, "Sorry, I was in the shower." she was ...
A. 12 May 2010: Maybe the transition to sexy mode to "just business" mode was a little too sharp and even if you did not get angry,she feels that she has disappointed you or she did not meet your expectations so she feels bad.
Perhaps she felt the tran... (read in full...)
Could medication mess with period cycles? Advise, please?
Q. Okay so this question isn't really about me, its about my friend. She's 16 and has been having sex with her boyfriend for about ten months now. They used to have sex very often and with out a condom, but recently they have cut back on how much the...
A. 12 May 2010: Just to be on the safe side, she could repeat the test in a couple of days. Some times the level of beta-HCG hormones is too low to be detected by the test before you are 7-8 days late ,and may give a false negative.... (read in full...)
Could medication mess with period cycles? Advise, please?
Q. Okay so this question isn't really about me, its about my friend. She's 16 and has been having sex with her boyfriend for about ten months now. They used to have sex very often and with out a condom, but recently they have cut back on how much the...
A. 11 May 2010: Is your friend absolutely sure there's no chance she may be pregnant ?
If I were her, I'd take a pregnancy test anyway-
these brownish discharges are quite common in the very first weeks of pregnancy when the fertilized egg is implanting itself i... (read in full...)
Any way to make my very noticeable assets less visible?
Q. I am only 14 years old and i have 34 DD boobs, they are the biggest in my year, i used to like them but now in the summer when i want to wear vest tops they look huge and they are really pert and they just sit their..my friends are jelous but i am ...
A. 11 May 2010: Be proud of your "twins " and think of how many women spend thousand of pounds to get a pair like yours. On the other end, don't exactly flaunt them, don't wear anything too low cut because visually there is something like "too much of a good thing ... (read in full...)
How do I tell him that I don't feel the same way without offending him?
Q. A co-worker, and close friend of mine, is a married man. He's always flirted with me, but I thought it was innocent. But he's recently confided in other co-workers that he is in love with me and considering leaving his wife. I do not want this! He ...
A. 11 May 2010: You are under no obligations to reciprocate anybody's feelings...but least of all those of a married man,and if he assumes you would, he is being conceited ,because just his marital status would be a big turn-off for most single girls. Don't ... (read in full...)
I know he is not really into me but I am finding it hard to let go
Q. im 20 dating a guy who is 28.at first i wsnt interestd in him but as i got to know i started to develop feelings for him,i foumd out that he has 2 kids and he hasnt realy broken up with his baby momma.after we had sex he started being distant,i call ...
A. 11 May 2010: Leave. If you stay with him you will always be second best and eventually it will destroy your self esteem.... (read in full...)
He slept with someone during the time I needed space to think about my ex, what did this girl mean to him?
Q. I went out with James about 5 times and we hit it off really well. I didn't sleep with him, just went on dates. My ex then contacted me and I was in a mess trying to figure out what to do. I broke it off with James because I wasn't sure how I felt. ...
A. 11 May 2010: Basically,yes. They call it "comfort sex ". Don't be mad at him about that- you were broken up at the time.... (read in full...)
Why does my dad favor my sister over my mum and I?
Q. I just really want to know why my father treats me like this... I have a 28 year old sister. She lives in Canada; my father talks to her everyday. I'm 14 and, unfortunately, I have to see poor excuse for a father (that's an exaggeration. I'...
A. 11 May 2010: He is tryng to make up for over 10 years of silence and incomprehensions. And she lives in Canada,far away from him ,while you live with him and are always under his eyes.
Which does not justify his attitude,but in part explains it.... (read in full...)
Should I tell him I miss him? I feel he shuts me out but it is hard for me not to talk to him.
Q. I've been seein this guy for a couple of months.We talk/see each other daily.He recently turned a new leaf and is tryin to quit drinking, get a different job, a car and his family is visiting because his grandma is dying.A week ago we hung out and ...
A. 11 May 2010: A person with a drinking problem is not able to balance anything.. Regardless of that, you have been only dating two months, he told you he needs space, and it's just a week that you don't see him. So,no, don't tell him anything yet.... (read in full...)
How can I wait to have a baby?
Q. all i see every where is pregnant woman oryoung girls and im so jealous. i really wnt a baby, but my boyfriend doesnt yet. i dont know what to do to carry on for a couple years longer. does anyone know what i can do? please help me its hor...
A. 11 May 2010: The average age of first pregnancy in UK is around 29 years so probably there aren't around you as many young pregnant girls as you think.
Your bf will have reasons for not wanting to be a father yet - did you ask him about them ? Maybe fina... (read in full...)
What do you do with a hairy tummy?
Q. Quick question to the ladies my girlfriend has hair on her belly - do all girls get this and do you shave it off?? ...
A. 11 May 2010: No,not all girls. But it is no big deal. She can clean it off in few minutes with a depilatory cream from the drugstore. ... (read in full...)
Why can't he see all I've done for him and return my feelings?
Q. this sounds so silly but i need advice. i have a very close friend but he doesnt know im in love with him. he was in a bad way when i first met him and over the last 8 months hes got his confidence back and ive supported him and made sure hes ok. ...
A. 10 May 2010: Stop doing whatever you are doing for him. He probably figured out that you have a weakness for him and he is taking advantage of you. You are unconsciously trying to buy his love by offering him help and material things- unluckily this never ... (read in full...)
How do I win my ex back... I broke up with him!
Q. I broke up with my boyfriend and want to get back with him! This is a story of why I broke up with him but now that issue is out of the way for good I want to take it slow with him this time as we were great together. SORRY it's long but any ...
A. 10 May 2010: I know you'll see my advice as a non-advice but- oh my dear, don't you value at all your peace of mind ?
Drunken and stoned moochers all around you. Leery friends who moon at you and propose threesomes.Smoke smell which you totally hate. Scre... (read in full...)
Even though we aren't exclusive, why is he dating others?
Q. My boyfriend and I have been exclusive for a few weeks. However, before becoming boyfriend and girlfriend we were friends and then we began dating for about 6 months. I didnt want to get into a relationship right away because when I met him I was ...
A. 10 May 2010: You see,that's the purpose of that "official label ". Once you have it , you are ,if nothing else, entitled to make a big fuss and demand prompt apologies and explanations. It's very debatable that you can do the same without the label.
You were... (read in full...)
Am I naive or is he a pro liar?
Q. Hey, how do i know if the guy i'm in love with is not taking me for sex, we dated for a couple of months before i realized that he has a girlfriend, we were having a long distance relationship and seeing each other once every 3 weeks. To cut the ...
A. 10 May 2010: Well,to be blunt,yes.
He knows that he can have both his gf and you- so why should he make a choice ? For him, things are fine the way they are .
And also, when you knew he had a gf, you withdrew from him- but he did not leave her to come aft... (read in full...)
I like a thicker man as this man does not feel masculine to me.
Q. Am i being superficial? I went through hell in my divorce four years ago. It has taken me till now to get my self esteem back as I had a horrible divorce and a few bad relationships after. I am feeling well and my self esteem is back, I went on a ...
A. 10 May 2010: Send him over to me :) - I love slim guys. I'll send you a
thick one from Italy.
Jokes aside : it may be superficial,it may be shallow, it maybe frivolous- but ultimately, what can you do if you just can't feel attracted to him ? It's your own... (read in full...)
How long ago would you class as "not too long ago"
Q. this is gonna sound pointless but i need to have an opinon for a situation my mates in. If someone told you soemthing happened "not too long ago" what timescale would you put that? weeks? months? im guessin this particualr thing was at a minimum ...
A. 10 May 2010: Of course this is totally a wild guess- as for me , not too long ago would mean up to one year ago. Then again, I am older than you, so time has a different meaning for me from what it has for people in their 20s. So ,let'say up to 6 months ago.... (read in full...)
My parents limit the time that my b/f and I can talk on the phone together
Q. Dear Aunties, My parents limit the hours I may text/talk to my boyfriend. my mom won't let me have my phone past 10 on weekdays and 11 on weekends. My boyfriend and I have been together over a year, and I love him. I know I'm only 16 and I know no...
A. 10 May 2010: No accusations,GoGreen26 :)- at most,a word of caution.It is so easy to get swamped in your own emotions- even for much older girls.
Goldengirl1693 : is teenage love always about drama ? I guess so- up to a point. My esperience is recent beca... (read in full...)
My boyfriend says he doesn't want marriage
Q. i was married for 4 years to a jerk and we got divorced an year back. My friend was there for me the whole time and we got really close that time. he works with me in the same office and said he loves me. i fell for him totally and he is younger to ...
A. 10 May 2010: You said it all.
Now you are in pain, but pretty soon you will realize it was for the best.
Be brave. Good luck... (read in full...)
Advice on handling an ex and little to no contact
Q. As some of you here know my ex broke up with me 2 months ago but we've been going in and out of contact since about 3 weeks ago when she initiated contact with me asking whether I'm thinking about her and missing her. She was very eager to talk that ...
A. 9 May 2010: Normally I would say : sure,go ahead,call her back within 24 hours- out of simple politeness.
But by her actions your ex has made abundantly clear that she wants to dictate terms and conditions for your communication. If she feels like talking to y... (read in full...)
She can't get past the idea of smoking weed
Q. So my girlfriend and I have been going out for 6 months and we have a blast together. I've never been in a relationship so strong before. Recently, we've been fighting about one subject and one subject only: my smoking habits. It's not that I smoke ...
A. 9 May 2010: I can see your point- but she has a point too. Weed is less dangerous than alcohol, yet in the long run it has a lot of unpleasant consequences affecting your health and behaviour, consequences that regular users like to miniize or dismiss aginst ... (read in full...)
My parents limit the time that my b/f and I can talk on the phone together
Q. Dear Aunties, My parents limit the hours I may text/talk to my boyfriend. my mom won't let me have my phone past 10 on weekdays and 11 on weekends. My boyfriend and I have been together over a year, and I love him. I know I'm only 16 and I know no...
A. 9 May 2010: I prided myself in being a "cool ",non disciplinarian parent who left her son plenty of freedom as a teenager.
I must say that for me it worked .Now he is 20, he does not drink, smoke or do any drugs - his own choice.
If I were your mom, tho... (read in full...)
I love my girlfriend but she is totally overbearing
Q. Hey guys, I never post on these types of sites, but I have been searching the web for answers, because I am just torn and confused as to what to do: I am a 25 year old male law student, and have been with my girlfriend for 3 1/2 years. I love h...
A. 9 May 2010: Beware ,my friend. That may sound unromantic,but I think
you should absolutely not jeopardize your chances for a fulfilling career because you have to dance attendance around an immature,self-centered partner.
It's not like you were subtract... (read in full...)
Was me sleeping with this new dude just a way to find a way to forget about my ex?
Q. Hey, I'm really concerned about my self respect now. I just started talking to this guy for about two weeks now, but I met him in my class. We went out on a date, and chilled and talked for a little while. But not enough to know each other. And ...
A. 9 May 2010: Don't be too hard on yourself. Everybody makes mistakes. You were vulnerable after the break up and wanted to recapture the feeling of being loved,desired and cherished again. Now you know that a one night stand is not the solution and will not ... (read in full...)
Drugs and cheating tore us apart but I still love him
Q. Hello, My ex and I fell in love at first sight - or at least in lust! After two weeks we started going out with each other and it was wonderful. I worked seasonly and had to go back to tour guiding in Spring. He was upset about this but wee said we ...
A. 9 May 2010: You part ways . You are much more sensible,focused and disciplined and you are working on making a bright future for yourself,while your ex is content to drift through life seeking sensations and cheap thrills.Life is not about smoking dope, and ... (read in full...)
Guys who say they aren't ready for relationships..yeah right
Q. So I have a question that has been bugging me. Four years ago I had just arrived at college. I met this guy first at the club and I hooked up with him. The day after I realized I just wasn't interested in the guy I met at the club however I did ...
A. 9 May 2010: First,timing is important. One can be not ready for a relationship today, then be ready a few months later.Things change.
Second,I think when a guy says " I am not ready for a relationship " he means " I am not ready for a relationship with YOU ... (read in full...)
I'm scared about meeting his family and having all the attention on me!
Q. My boyfriend of eight months has asked me to come to his little brother's birthday meal at a restraunt and I'm in two minds.. I've met his older sister and Dad before who were both nice (although his Dad was a little.. unwelcoming but my bf had wa...
A. 8 May 2010: Everything will be fine. You are only 16, they know it and they do not expect you to be a smooth socialite with a Grace Kelly social flair. A little shyness is endearing and blushing is cute. Just be nice,be polite ,and be yourself. And if the ... (read in full...)
Yellowish discharge, bad? a way to stop it?
Q. everytime i go to the bathroom or change or something there is a yellowish discharge on my underwear. its been like that ever sence i can remember but is it bad to have the discharge? and is there some way to stop it?...
A. 8 May 2010: Assuming that you are not sexually active and not at risk of STDs, it could be a bacterial infection- with antibiotics it goes awy in few days. Go see your doctor !... (read in full...)
Clingy or having healthy emotional needs?
Q. How do you determine if a girlfriend is being "clingly" or is just having healthy emotional needs? Where do you draw the line?...
A. 8 May 2010: Does she have other interests ,hobbies and passions beside hanging out with you ?
Does she have other goals in her life ( work,study,sport,whatever ) other than keeping your relationship going ?
If you should cancel plans with her ( with a good r... (read in full...)
I have almost never liked my mother, do you think she is in the wrong or should I get over it?
Q. I'm 15 going on 16 and I have almost never liked my mother, and today one of my close friends funeral was today and we had been talking about it all week and she told that I could go, but when I woke up this morning I asked her if I could still go ...
A. 8 May 2010: You could try talking to her- as long as you are respectful and mature about it. Like,no whining, no yelling,no accusing. After all, your mother may think, not unreasonably, that you all are part of the same family and there's nothing strange in ... (read in full...)
What should I do? Never have anything to do with Italy again!?!
Q. i and my husband lived together 5 years, before we married, i met a guy in Italy and had 2 ONS together. i told my husband this before we married, for him it's something definitely immoral and he disgusts about, but he still love me and be with me ...
A. 8 May 2010: Push ups ? Punishments ?
This kind of things does not belong to a healthy relationship.
See if you can convince your husband to go with you to see a marriage counselor and work on his control issues.
But if you can't,perhaps it's time to sepa... (read in full...)
He told me he loved me, then later that day dumped me by text.
Q. so yesterday was my bf and i's one month I know it's not that big of a deal but he broke up with me on that day to. I'm his first g first kiss first everything and he told me earlier that day he loved me and want gonna leave me till a long time and ...
A. 7 May 2010: You thank him mentally for having thought you a valuable lesson ,which is : some people don't mean what they say and don't say what they mean. Saying "I love you " is quite easy and effortless- showing this love with actions is what matters. Don't ... (read in full...)
I'm not enjoying sex but I really want to!
Q. I am new to having sex but am in a relationship and we've been sleeping together often. I can't orgasm and it bothers me. I've never orgasmed with a partner, only by my own hand. My sex drive is high. I want him all the time and we can have sex ...
A. 7 May 2010: About 33.6% do not reach orgasm by penetration alone.
Pounding a good one won't help since the vast majority of vaginal nerve endings are located in the first third of the organ ( closer to the vaginal orifice)
You need to position yourself... (read in full...)
Did I make the right decision about my ex?
Q. my ex and i broke up a month ago he is on my phone plan so we sill talk now and then, recently he asked me to help him pay his phone bill. i asked him why he did not say (the bill is 150) so i asked him again he said that he wants to go to the mall ...
A. 6 May 2010: Of course you did. Asking you to pay his phone bill so that he can go shopping would be outrageous even if you were his girlfriend or a member of his family. But you are not. You are his ex. He should not ask you any help at all.... (read in full...)
Worry? Or wait it out?
Q. okay, so.. me and my boyfriend had sex for the first time about a month and a half ago, and the condom broke kinda near the bottom... and we were freaking out until i got my period that month... but then we did it again at the begining of this month ...
A. 6 May 2010: If your period was due May 6th, in theory your risk of pregnancy was very low on Mat 2nd. But you are really playing Russian roulette with your body !
Please stop risking. Go on the pill AND learn to use condoms properly before you havesex agai... (read in full...)
We like each other, but he says he doesn't want a relationship!
Q. I have a male best friend and we have been friends for 3 years. A few months ago, we have told each other that we have mutual feelings about one another, but after that he didn't act like he felt that way. He tells me things that he has never told ...
A. 6 May 2010: In guy parlance,that simply means : I don't want to be monogamous. I like you,but if I happen into a some other chance for sex on romance I am not gonna miss it, and I know that you'd be upset -and I don't want all these complications.
If you want... (read in full...)
He can only cum once is that normal?
Q. My boyfriend can only ejaculate once in a day, or so. Last weekend we had sex on the friday at about 5.00. I stayed the night and we had sex again in the morning at about 11. The thing is he couldn't come. We had sex for about 40 minutes, then he ...
A. 6 May 2010: For the anonymous reader who asks me if I can back up my claim- Sure. Go check any medical encyclopedia .
Does it mean that a young male can ejaculate 100 times a day ? Of course not.
The capacity of the testicles to produce sperm within a... (read in full...)
He can only cum once is that normal?
Q. My boyfriend can only ejaculate once in a day, or so. Last weekend we had sex on the friday at about 5.00. I stayed the night and we had sex again in the morning at about 11. The thing is he couldn't come. We had sex for about 40 minutes, then he ...
A. 6 May 2010: I see what you mean, Fatherly Advice. Point taken,but not totally shared. What the President refers to is called "situational anorgasmia " - and,at 17 , most every "situation " will work. Both according medical research - and according to this ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend says he doesn't want marriage
Q. i was married for 4 years to a jerk and we got divorced an year back. My friend was there for me the whole time and we got really close that time. he works with me in the same office and said he loves me. i fell for him totally and he is younger to ...
A. 6 May 2010: Let it go. This is a lost battle.
It's true that he never promised anything serious, and he also told you that he can't marry because his parents would not accept you. So he does not consider you as a marriage candidate.
As for his "friends... (read in full...)
He can only cum once is that normal?
Q. My boyfriend can only ejaculate once in a day, or so. Last weekend we had sex on the friday at about 5.00. I stayed the night and we had sex again in the morning at about 11. The thing is he couldn't come. We had sex for about 40 minutes, then he ...
A. 6 May 2010: Sorry,Fatherly Advice,but I have to disagree with you. The refractory time of the average healthy 18 male is about 15 MINUTES. 24 hours is average for a 70 years old male.
Of course occasionaly there may be glitches. Maybe the boy had smoked too ... (read in full...)
What should I do? Never have anything to do with Italy again!?!
Q. i and my husband lived together 5 years, before we married, i met a guy in Italy and had 2 ONS together. i told my husband this before we married, for him it's something definitely immoral and he disgusts about, but he still love me and be with me ...
A. 4 May 2010: As an Italian, I would be curious to know if the ban on all things Italian is being enforced to his full extent.
Are you allowed to see pictures of the Colosseum or of the Sixtine Chapel ? Would you be permitted to eat pizza,or spaghetti ? To wear... (read in full...)
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![[?]BitterSweetFinale;[?] agony aunt](/avatars/7bb1e9ea-6c2f-43b8-a4f7-0635b7eff08c.png){kind=small}
