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... Send *indyCares a private message | | | *indyCares's profile:Hi everybody. I am an Italian woman currently living in Italy but I spent many years in England and USA. I hope my English is still decent but in case it got a little rusty, please be lenient.
My age ? Let say that I am way past the stage when you cry if the boy you like takes your best friend to the prom, and young enough to remember how awful that feels.
What qualifies me to help people- well, let me show off just a bit and mention that I studied Psychology 4 years in college, and, even if then I graduated in a different subject, I never lost my interest in psychology and kept reading a lot about this subject. Yet that does not really qualify me for anything because intellectual knowledge is not the same as real life experience. So let's say I feel I can advice people because I have lived a lot, travelled a lot, met a lot of people from all backgrounds , races and religions- I have loved a lot, and I have also been dumped a lot :)
Plus, I am really fascinated with people and their stories. Not in a gossipy way. I just find that every person is a whole new world that I am excited to discover.
Right now I am single- and happily so. I realized- better late than never - that rather than waiting for Prince Charming I should first become a Princess myself. You can't love anybody unconditionally, if first you don't love yourself unconditionally, and this is what I am learning to do.
Looking forward to hear from all of you..
Ciao
Cindy |
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| Latest articles: Devastation in Italy
This question has 2 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
26 August 2016: This has got nothing to do with romance or relationships or love- maybe with love for our fellow human beings, i.e. solidariety and compassion , so I hope that the mods will publish this regardless. On August 24th a devastating eartquak...
Ten best ways for a woman to be given her walking papers.
This question has 7 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
19 August 2014: Yeah I know : ultimately love is a mystery, not an exact science. There's always an element of sheer luck, of serendipity, of magic in it. Some times you do everything right, by the book, you are the perfect gf / wife / lover .. and you still get ...
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I beleive my husband loves somebody else, how can we repair our marriage?
Q. my husband.loves me as a wife.he has fallen in love.he also remain in contect with his college and says she is just a friend.and his love is virtual.he feels his part is missing he does not forget her.but he is mine and will be till the end of his ...
A. 23 April 2010: Ok darling- tell me something, I am afraid I did not understand. Explain me so perhaps I can give you advice.
Has your husband at least accepted to end his emotional affair ? Has he accepted to cut contacts with that woman ? ( If he said yes and ... (read in full...)
I beleive my husband loves somebody else, how can we repair our marriage?
Q. my husband.loves me as a wife.he has fallen in love.he also remain in contect with his college and says she is just a friend.and his love is virtual.he feels his part is missing he does not forget her.but he is mine and will be till the end of his ...
A. 22 April 2010: Hi, I was gonna answer your postiung of April 21st saying, ok, try to relax, do not nag him, do not pester him, he may be still thinking about her, but after all he has cut contact with her and he is staying with you...
But I read yr posting of t... (read in full...)
I ruined something beautiful and now he doesn't want to know me
Q. hii...i am an engineering graduate. i got attracted to my classmate when i was in first year. he was interested in me too.we started talking and liking each other a lot. we used to converse in phone calls whole nights..even till 6 in the morning... ...
A. 19 April 2010: I know it's difficult. It has to get worse before it can get better. Cry ,if you need to cry- and just stay away from that phone. :) If you need support during this phone withdrawal, and if you think it may help you, you are welcome to send me a ... (read in full...)
I ruined something beautiful and now he doesn't want to know me
Q. hii...i am an engineering graduate. i got attracted to my classmate when i was in first year. he was interested in me too.we started talking and liking each other a lot. we used to converse in phone calls whole nights..even till 6 in the morning... ...
A. 19 April 2010: Don't be so drastic :)- Of course you do not need to run away if you meet him by chance. If he initiates contact, or says hi, or if you bump into each other- just be friendly,polite and civilly casual- don't cry,be emotional, or bring up "heavy" ... (read in full...)
Is this my fault he's gone off again?
Q. *OP's own title* Let's call the boy I'm interested in, "Jeremy". So for the past 3 years, I've been very attracted to Jeremy. He seemed amazingly perfect for me. He wasn't like any of the other guys I've ever known. He dresses nice and has s...
A. 19 April 2010: 1)no it's not weird. It happens all the times. make sure though you don' make it worse by wallowing in self pity.
2)nobody is all good or all bad and this is not even a matter of being good or bad ,it's just that between you something didn't clic... (read in full...)
How do I get through this game she's playing and stop it all?
Q. *OP's own title* im a lil frustrated and ticked off at this situation im in. i have strong feelings for this girl i work with. shes extremely attractive, one of the nicest people ive known, and is into alot of the stuff im into. but she has a boyf...
A. 19 April 2010: Dump J. A "work boyfriend " sounds nowhere near to a real boyfriend or even a future boyfriend. I think J just likes all the attention you have been showering her with. Focus on N., I think you've got better chances with her.... (read in full...)
Am I handling this well?
Q. First off, i have been dating and trying to keep busy. Was with my ex for 3 and a half years..it was petty stuff i think that broke us apart..fighting over things i regret..noone cheated..we did have alot of love..he broke it off...a year lat...
A. 19 April 2010: I am afraid not. In my opinion you are acting pushy and manipulative. This guy acted honest, caring and sensitive.He told you clearly that he does not want to lead you on . He told you that right now he has on his mind more pressing issues than ... (read in full...)
First date went well but since then no contact??
Q. hello everybody :) can u tell me what should i do?days ago, we had our first date, and everything went really well. but since then, she stoped talking to me, i allways had to begin conversations, and when i stopped talking to her she hasn't talked ...
A. 19 April 2010: She does not sound much interested. You may try asking her out one more time, just in case... but if she blows you off again, move on right away.... (read in full...)
Boyfriend is going to start working away
Q. my new problem.... basically me and my boyfriend have been together for 7 months, 7 months of bliss! weve had a few big fights which we have resolved. but now im facing the worst heart break of all time. my boy has got his dream job, of working in ...
A. 19 April 2010: darling,
he has been honest and he warned you- then it's up to you.
You are willing to do whatever it takes to make things work, but unluckily he does not feel the same. He thinks he cannot put 100% in this relationship - and long distance... (read in full...)
Why would my friend have sex with him when she knows I do too?
Q. Hi everyone, thanks for reading. There is a guy that I like, and when we first met he had a girlfriend, so we were really just friends, but after they broke up we would make out sometimes and we have had sex a few times over the past 6 months. ...
A. 19 April 2010: I can understand your gut reaction is feeling annoyed and a bit "territorial " about this guy, a "I saw him first "reaction , but on a more rational level you have no grounds for feeling betrayed or disappointed.
The guy is a man whore, he's slee... (read in full...)
Friends vs lovers - you women mix us guys up!!
Q. What is it with you women? I know it's a woman's option to change her mind, but.... Poor guys on here get so mixed up by you lot! Half the time you tell us to "hang in there, be their friend" when we like someone but the other person is with s...
A. 19 April 2010: If you want friendship, yes. If you want sex and/or romance , no.
Ok, it sounds rather dumb put in this way ,let me clarify.
I guess when people advise to "hang in there and be their friends " they mean that the more time you get to spend to... (read in full...)
I want to have sex with him so he will be happy but I'm scared it will hurt!
Q. im going out with the same boy for three years he wants to have sex and im 13 and hes 15. im really stuck cuz i love him and i want him to be happy but im scared when i do it its gunna hurt and thats what im really scared of. plzz help me if you can ...
A. 19 April 2010: No,no, and emphatically no. Don't do it. You don't have sex "to make somebody happy ", you have sex to make yourself happy. And you can be happy with your sex life when YOU feel ready to have a sex life, which is clearly not your case yet, as it's ... (read in full...)
Boyfriend needs space?
Q. I have been with my bf for 2 1/2 years and currently we live together. He just told me a couple weeks ago that something in our relationship has changed and he thinks he needs space to figure things out. The truth is we had been fighting a lot in ...
A. 19 April 2010:
Move out.
Supposedly you are no more than 21. Why at such a young age should you settle for living with someone who sees you just as"a very good friend "(? with occasional glimpses of more, ok )?Don't you want someone who sees you as his ideal wo... (read in full...)
Bestfriends with benefits?
Q. Ok, so I'm in a very confusing situation with my bestfriend. We have been really good friends for about three years. In the beginning of our friendship he liked me and I liked him but he had a girlfriend and we didn't tell eachother about our ...
A. 19 April 2010: Why would you want to throw away your first time, which is supposed to be romantic and memorable and special, with some guy who not only is not in love with you but is not even so physically attracted to you ? Sorry if it sounds harsh, but - he is ... (read in full...)
I ruined something beautiful and now he doesn't want to know me
Q. hii...i am an engineering graduate. i got attracted to my classmate when i was in first year. he was interested in me too.we started talking and liking each other a lot. we used to converse in phone calls whole nights..even till 6 in the morning... ...
A. 18 April 2010: My opinion will not help you a lot because I am gonna advise you what you do not want to do, but be reasonable, darling, your friends are right. You MUST stop chasing after him, you must let him be for a while, you must stop tryng to make contact ... (read in full...)
He tells people we're married but we're not even going out!
Q. During the summer when i was 13 i was asked for my phone number by an older boy when while i was at the pool with mu best friend. i shocked myself because i gave him my phone number and i never did that before. When he called we both found out ...
A. 18 April 2010: I think he sees you as the Ultimate Friend With Benefits, one who is very convenient : compliant, supportive and low maintenance. No wonder that he gets controlling and shows anxiety at the idea of losing his place in your life :
do you really thin... (read in full...)
Afraid to be pregnant
Q. Hello to everyone! I am writing here because I wanted to hear your thoughts on this personal issue. I am a person who loves and adores kids. I always wanted to have children - to be a mom. I couldn't wait till I would be a mother to my children a...
A. 18 April 2010: You just sound a bit insecure and immature,as you are entitled to be at your age :) I think at the moment you are just not ready to have children, and that may change in future.
It's true that being a parent is a risky business that makes you vuln... (read in full...)
Friend suddenly stopped talking to me!
Q. Iv'e been really good friends with someone for about three years, theres quite a big age gap in our friendship but thats never been a problem. I was really close to her and we shared alot of things. She has helped me through some really bad times ...
A. 17 April 2010: Give it just one more try. Write a nice good old fashioned hand written letter,if you have no other ways to contact her. Then don't pressure her - let her choose if she wants to resume yr. friendship as it was, or not. At least you'll know you have ... (read in full...)
Friend suddenly stopped talking to me!
Q. Iv'e been really good friends with someone for about three years, theres quite a big age gap in our friendship but thats never been a problem. I was really close to her and we shared alot of things. She has helped me through some really bad times ...
A. 17 April 2010: Why don't you simply e-mail her telling her what you just told us ? That you consider her like a mom , that you are grateful for her support in bad times, that you miss your closeness and can't think of a reason why she has stopped talking to ... (read in full...)
How can I build my confidence in meeting new people?
Q. After a six year relationship my boyfriend and i have decided to break up. I feel i commited more than he did, i always went to him, to see his family and friends, so now i feel a big space in my life. Im realising how lonley im begining to feel ...
A. 17 April 2010: Join a group whose main purpose is to realize a project and so the main focus is on realizing the project more than socializing with the group members or making a good impression or making new friends (that will come too in time, but naturally and ... (read in full...)
3 weeks without sex-is that normal?
Q. When my b/f is under pressure at work; or has too many bills he just shuts down in the sex department. We have sometimes gone 3 weeks without intimacy. Is this normal in a happy relationship? I guess it's frustrating to me because fo...
A. 17 April 2010: Stress and anxiety may very well affect and dramatically decrease anybody's sex drive. You say this problem has recurred in your couple. If also the other times yr bf lost interest in sex only when he had problems at work or money troubles, and he ... (read in full...)
Why don't guys like me? What is wrong with me???
Q. What is wrong with me?? why dont guys like me? guys never wanna get serious with me.. they always make me think if they even like me.. they are nice and sweet, calling, texting then they just change and move on without even breaking with me ...
A. 17 April 2010: maybe what's wrong with you is that you're asking yourself what's wrong with you. Insecurity, lack of self confidence, low self esteem..... they send vibes . I am not kidding. You may act cool and sexy on the outside but if inside you feel that ... (read in full...)
So how do I get to know a guy I don't know?
Q. I've seen this guy at my school around and i suddenly have taken notice in him. I've talked to him about once or twice, but this was last semester, near the beginning of the school year. And then I got transferred out of his class so we neve...
A. 17 April 2010: Just do it :). Say hi, with a nice, warm, friendly smile. Sincere smiles work wonders. Of course you may use the excuse of wanting to catch up with what's been going on in his class ( your old class ), but try simplicity first:
just a real smil... (read in full...)
I'm 17 and in love with my friend's father!
Q. Hi, I have a huge deliemma and I'm so confused. I'm in love. One of my close friends loves me, but I am in love with his father!!! I am 17 and my friend's father who we will call Max, is 36. He loves me back as well. I know it is absolutly insane, ...
A. 17 April 2010: No,don't go talk to him, don't do anything at all. Leave the guy alone. Listen, I know this will sound very patronizing and condescent, but- it's the truth: this is not love, it's a rite of passage- I've never met a 16 or 17 years old girl who has ... (read in full...)
Is he distancing himself because we're going to university soon, or for another reason?
Q. My ex and i were together for just over 1 year, we were very much in love but we argued quite a lot and decided we needed a break. This break lasted for about 4 months although the whole time we were still in contact (we did see other people). We ...
A. 17 April 2010: Your bf is being sensible. He knows that things may change, particularly in a relationship that was a bit frail to begin with ( you have been together less than one year, and you spent apart 4 months of it ) He knows that both of you are going to ... (read in full...)
Should I keep giving him chances if he comes back?
Q. Right so my boyfriend dumped me last night and claimed things weren't working any more even though i had offered to do something about it like us going out together. Being the school holidays i havent had lots of time to see him. I cried when he ...
A. 17 April 2010: No. You said it yourself : second chance, OK. Third chance ?Too much.... (read in full...)
Flirting games...
Q. This is about a guy I work with, I knew him for 3 years and a week ago we were just joking around about flirting. He's married and I'm married so he asked me a question in a message "do you want to satisfy my curiosity? so I reply back to him "Yes" ...
A. 17 April 2010: Oh well- like you said : the guy was just flirting . Joking around. Having some harmless fun. Maybe he thought your answer indicated that you really meant business :) and he got a bit taken aback because probably he wants to play ... but not beyond ... (read in full...)
I feel like we were fine just a few days ago! But now my boyfriend does not seem himself
Q. hi, i really hope some of you can help me. my boyfriend and i have been together for just over two years. he went through a rough patch late last year when he was having problems finding a job (and graduated college 6 months before that). we...
A. 17 April 2010: I am really sorry to hear that you feel heartbroken . I can imagine it's tough for you and ,as you say, you don't know what to do.
Honestly, there's not much you can do right now. He says that he needs space and time apart from you- and you need... (read in full...)
Do you think my ex wants just friendship? Why does he come to my house and just sit outside?
Q. Hi all, this is going to be really long. Im well into college now, in 2004 i was a sophamore in high school. I met a guy whom was my first love. We were together for a year and a half. I broke things off because he was starting to act like he didnt...
A. 9 April 2010: Yes, continue keeping your guard up.
Things are never all white or all black.
This guy may very well both have feelings for you ( but not so strong to prevent him keeping living with his gf ) AND think you'd make a convenient plan B.
Also, you... (read in full...)
Should I let this whole thing go? Or tell him how I feel anyway?
Q. Two years ago I met a foreign guy in place I used to work at. We weren't attracted to each other ( and neither disliked each other). He was in a relationship back then and we just talked a bit for a couple of days until he left work to go back to ...
A. 9 April 2010: Let this whole thing go. It does not sem that either you or the foreign guy are so smitten to put into this all the energy it would take, what with the distance etc. Then again, you are going away 3 years with acabin crew job- it sounds promising ... (read in full...)
It seems like he's keeping his options opened!!!
Q. Hi I have been dating a guy for about 4 wonderful months. we saw each other every other week because he lives 3 hours drive from me and he has custody of his 2 children every other week. He was the one to tell his family and kids even his ex abou...
A. 8 April 2010: It depends what you want from him.
If you are after a committed ,long term relationship, he is not a good bet. He said it clearly . he likes you but he is not in love with you. Moreover, he's active on a dating site. He is looking around.
Of ... (read in full...)
Advice re au pair jobs abroad!
Q. Hi. I'd really appreciate some advice on these job offers. I'd like to go and work abroad as an Au Pair. I'll write about both families, and you can tell me what you think. One of the families is from Switzerland. They have three kids , a girl...
A. 8 April 2010: I'd take the second job without hesitating ( and no, my anwer has got absolutely nothing to do with me being Italian ).
Darling, have you got even just a vague idea what's like to take care of three kids of which the oldest is just 5 ?! It's ver... (read in full...)
Why has he went cold on me?
Q. hi :-)iam a 19 year old girl who is very confused about a relationship with this boy who attends the same college as me. I know a fair deal about the lad's background which i shuld share with you even though some of it is confidental. He is 17 an...
A. 8 April 2010: Honey, I know you are disappointed but all you need to do is : leave him alone. Let him be.
You asked him a kiss and he said firmily no, you took his arm and he shook you off, you called him twice and he hung up on you. It's good to be proa... (read in full...)
Should I confront my friends about leaving me out?
Q. Hi, i am havving some issues with my friends. they seem to arrange outings e.g shopping or swimming but they never ever invite me. i feel really hurt and let down by them becuase they always do this and even my best friend doesnt care but its ok for ...
A. 6 April 2010: It sounds like these so called friends are being rather passive- aggressive. If what you complain about would have happened just two or three times, no big deal. They might have forgotten, or just got lazy about calling you- hey it happens. But ... (read in full...)
Does he have feelings for me despite having a girlfriend?
Q. How do I know if this guy I talk to likes me? I guess it's complicated because he lives in another country but we talk on msn quite often. He's done things like give me his fb password, introduced me to his sister, and he tells me a lot about hi...
A. 6 April 2010: I think he likes you, but I would not bet the family farm on him leaving his girlfriend for you, no matter what he says. He too must have thought about you living in different countries and in all probability that's a big problem for him too. ... (read in full...)
Old friend invited me to a wedding but I'm not sure I want to go!
Q. Right, first off just to make clear this is a question regarding relationships with friends! But hope you might be able to help all the same :) I've got a friend who is getting married soon. She was a friend from school, and so has invited my g...
A. 6 April 2010: Don't go. Just send flowers with a nice card. You are neither a relative nor a close friend, so you do not have any social obligations to be there . It would make sense for you to go if it were for your own pleasure and enjoyment, but, ... (read in full...)
Why do I struggle to enjoy myself when receiving a hand-job off another person?
Q. hi when im recieving a hand job off another person i cant always cum, but I have no trouble when going it alone! help??...
A. 6 April 2010: I guess because you know perfectly your own body and exactly what you like to be done to it, how and where- and the other person does not.... (read in full...)
Do I have the right to confront him about these emails to his ex?
Q. I need help. last few days i found a chat on my bf facebook with a woman he was dating four years ago. they were talking about meeting up again and all. How they had great relatonships with great love making. I really felt bad, jealous and betrayed. ...
A. 6 April 2010: Oh sweetheart,I am afraid yr bf. is a desperate case. It's not that you don' t have the right to confront him- it's that it won't work. You already gave him his chance to clean up his act and he did not. you confronted him, he said it won't ha... (read in full...)
Not your usual crush on a teacher
Q. Ok, I'm in college and I've never ever liked a teacher, but this semester I'm taking a French conversation class, and the language resident teaching it is a young (student-young) guy who I find, well, really hot. He's quite professional about the ...
A. 6 April 2010: Keep to yourself. I don't know specifically about your college, but in most places a dalliance with a student costs the teacher his job.... (read in full...)
I love my boyfriend and want to marry him. He's not ready. What do I do?
Q. I am in love with a boy, and we have been together for four years. We live together, and we have been living together for three years. I am almost finished with grad school and he is mid-B.A. - I said he was a boy but it's really a term of ...
A. 6 April 2010: This may sound old fashioned , but if i were you I would be proud of a having a boyfriend that refuses being financially supported by me. With all the lazy bums that there are around only too happy to let a career woman take care of them... ... (read in full...)
How can I kiss her? She's almost a foot shorter than I am!
Q. I need to know the best way to kiss a girl who is almost a foot shorter than me because I really love this girl but I cant figure out how to kiss her because I dont want to bend at the knees cause that just ssems like it would be rude to do and i ...
A. 6 April 2010: Funny question :)
I am 5'2" and all my partners have been between 6' and 6'3" and it just was never a problem. I guess the guy just lower his head and shoulders- or maybe I was stretching a bit, but really the body alignment comes sort of natu... (read in full...)
Fallen for my BFs wife
Q. I am in need of advice, constructive critisim, and feedback. Please do not tell me how terrible of a person I am. I already know this. I have beat myself up emotionally for years now. I can't get away from these feelings, so here is my story. I be...
A. 6 April 2010: You are not accountable for what you feel - but you are for what you DO. So don't do anything. Don't say anything to yr BF's wife.
Are you sure you want to ruin a 10 years old friendship for an "attraction" (your definition )? It may very well be t... (read in full...)
I beleive my husband loves somebody else, how can we repair our marriage?
Q. my husband.loves me as a wife.he has fallen in love.he also remain in contect with his college and says she is just a friend.and his love is virtual.he feels his part is missing he does not forget her.but he is mine and will be till the end of his ...
A. 6 April 2010: If you want you can send a private message to my mailbox on this site. It will not be posted and I'll be the only one to read it. I hope to hear from you- and in the meantime just stay cool and don't freak out , ok ? :)... (read in full...)
My husband of 3 months has been cheating on me with a whore!
Q. I am so devastated my husband of three months has been cheating on me. I found emails were he has gone back and forth discussing price etc.the woman was a hooker on Craigslist. He tells me this is the only one but it still doesn't make it better. I ...
A. 6 April 2010: Don't expose her. In her line of work,you'd be helping promote her business and providing her free advertisement. I'd rather ran to my ob/gyn and get checked for STDS. Then, I'd try -just for this time- to forgive your husband. Everybody makes ... (read in full...)
I used her frienship to vent my frustration. Now that I got to know her I don't want her frienship. How do I reject her?
Q. I have been going through a lot of stuff with being unemployed and without a significant other in my life. Seems people in my life including family want me to talk only about happy things and I've felt kind of rejected for a serious amount of time. ...
A. 6 April 2010: This is not a direct answe to your question. I am sure there will be other people giving you practical advice about how to disentangle yourself from an unwanted friendship. You say you are having loads of different problems which make you feel dep... (read in full...)
I beleive my husband loves somebody else, how can we repair our marriage?
Q. my husband.loves me as a wife.he has fallen in love.he also remain in contect with his college and says she is just a friend.and his love is virtual.he feels his part is missing he does not forget her.but he is mine and will be till the end of his ...
A. 5 April 2010: Ok . the good news is that you both are willing to save your marriage and that your husband understands that if he wants to be with you he need to give up his infatuation (because that's what it is. ).
The bad news is that this not easy either for ... (read in full...)
I beleive my husband loves somebody else, how can we repair our marriage?
Q. my husband.loves me as a wife.he has fallen in love.he also remain in contect with his college and says she is just a friend.and his love is virtual.he feels his part is missing he does not forget her.but he is mine and will be till the end of his ...
A. 5 April 2010: Strange way to put it. YOU have to regain his trust and his love ?... In my opinion if one bothers to marry at all , it's because he chooses and commits to give his love to his wife exclusively, both physical and emotional. If he has a virtual ... (read in full...)
I feel like we were fine just a few days ago! But now my boyfriend does not seem himself
Q. hi, i really hope some of you can help me. my boyfriend and i have been together for just over two years. he went through a rough patch late last year when he was having problems finding a job (and graduated college 6 months before that). we...
A. 4 April 2010: Yes, there's something rather off here.
First, never underestimate female intuition- most times ( even if not always ) when we have this little nagging voice which says "something is wrong "- something IS wrong after all.
Second , let's use logi... (read in full...)
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