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... Send *indyCares a private message | | | *indyCares's profile:Hi everybody. I am an Italian woman currently living in Italy but I spent many years in England and USA. I hope my English is still decent but in case it got a little rusty, please be lenient.
My age ? Let say that I am way past the stage when you cry if the boy you like takes your best friend to the prom, and young enough to remember how awful that feels.
What qualifies me to help people- well, let me show off just a bit and mention that I studied Psychology 4 years in college, and, even if then I graduated in a different subject, I never lost my interest in psychology and kept reading a lot about this subject. Yet that does not really qualify me for anything because intellectual knowledge is not the same as real life experience. So let's say I feel I can advice people because I have lived a lot, travelled a lot, met a lot of people from all backgrounds , races and religions- I have loved a lot, and I have also been dumped a lot :)
Plus, I am really fascinated with people and their stories. Not in a gossipy way. I just find that every person is a whole new world that I am excited to discover.
Right now I am single- and happily so. I realized- better late than never - that rather than waiting for Prince Charming I should first become a Princess myself. You can't love anybody unconditionally, if first you don't love yourself unconditionally, and this is what I am learning to do.
Looking forward to hear from all of you..
Ciao
Cindy |
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| Latest articles: Devastation in Italy
This question has 2 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
26 August 2016: This has got nothing to do with romance or relationships or love- maybe with love for our fellow human beings, i.e. solidariety and compassion , so I hope that the mods will publish this regardless. On August 24th a devastating eartquak...
Ten best ways for a woman to be given her walking papers.
This question has 7 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
19 August 2014: Yeah I know : ultimately love is a mystery, not an exact science. There's always an element of sheer luck, of serendipity, of magic in it. Some times you do everything right, by the book, you are the perfect gf / wife / lover .. and you still get ...
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I'm 18, he's 50 and my teacher..is there a chance?
Q. What do you think I should do? I get that this is your typical textbook Oedipus complex (fancying older guys due to lack of older male guidance) btw so I don't need any advice on that anyway, so here goes, I'm head over heels in love with my Ita...
A. 21 May 2010: Yes,I have read about the recent developments in your posting of may 15th.
My opinion remains unvaried- I said " you don't have a chance if only he has some common sense. ". Apparently,he doesn't.
A wide majority of teachers would not risk the... (read in full...)
My husband may lose his life, should we try to have a baby?
Q. Hi, :) ok.. Uhm well you may know from my previous question that my boyfriend has 2 cancerous grade 2 brain tumors and im scared to death to lose him. Well... We both know he may die but we alao know we were made for each other. Yes im only 17 ...
A. 4 May 2010: Honey, what do YOU want to do ? How do YOU feel about raising a child on your own at your young age ? Would that make the aftermath of your possible loss better or worse ?
That's what you need to be sure about ,before you explain anything to anyb... (read in full...)
How can I build confidence to ask a guy out?
Q. I have never had a boy friend and i really like this guy. we were really good friends, then his ex came back to him but they are now split up. i don't have the confidence to ask him out. what can i do to build my confidence??? Help ! ...
A. 4 May 2010: Don't ask him. Whether they admit or not,guys like the thrill of a chase and if you are too proactive they feel sort of let down. Like,if they don't have to "work " a bit to get something, they appreciate it less.
Of course there are plenty of e... (read in full...)
The ex: She was so eager to talk to me but then when we did talk, now nothing??
Q. A week and 2 days have passed since I have last communicated with my ex. We were in NC for over 3 weeks and then she initiated contact with me. She wrote me saying that some things have really been bugging her and she's been wondering if I've been ...
A. 3 May 2010: I don't think you got no answers because nobody cares. It's very random here. Some days there are few letters and many volunteers to answer, some days it's the opposite.
I can only tell you why I chose not to answer to your post- because I felt... (read in full...)
Should I show him I'm suffering or endure the heartache alone?
Q. How do guys get over a relationship so easily? How is it anyway fair to me that I am the one that has to suffer? It's been over a week since my ex broke up with me and I am coping with it quite well but I still have my days. It's not fair that I ...
A. 3 May 2010: You've got your closure. He broke up with you because he was not happy with your relationship anymore. End of the story. That's all you need to know- you don't need anything more to move on.
We love people and some time people are not ready or able... (read in full...)
I'm 18, he's 50 and my teacher..is there a chance?
Q. What do you think I should do? I get that this is your typical textbook Oedipus complex (fancying older guys due to lack of older male guidance) btw so I don't need any advice on that anyway, so here goes, I'm head over heels in love with my Ita...
A. 3 May 2010: no,I don't think you have a chance if only he has got some sense. Hopefully is not going to risk his job ( because this is what you are gonna cost him if your little secret comes out ) just for the cheap thrill of having sex with a student. I also... (read in full...)
My wife doesn't let me give her oral sex and leaves her pubic hair ungroomed, I like it shaved. Any ideas?
Q. I've been married now for over five years. My wife and I have a great sexual relationship with some of the best sex I have every had. There are two things that I'm having trouble speaking to her about. My wife leaves her pubic hair ungroomed. ...
A. 3 May 2010: Rather than just dropping hints,tell her : You know, I think that you'd look really hot if... But if she does not want, do not insist. She is entitled to her grooming preferences exactly like you have yours.
As for the oral sex thing,pls. don'... (read in full...)
I am 13 and a lot of other girls tell me I should have sex, but I don't want to!
Q. im 13 years old and a lot of other girls are saying that i should have sex but i havent gone through puberty yet and i heard that dry sex reeeeeely hurts and i want to lose my virgenity when im married to the man of my dreams what sould i do?!...
A. 3 May 2010: 13 is horribly soon to have sex and having sex even before you've hit puberty sounds to me like something from a documentary about ancient tribal rites along the Amazon river. Anyway it's not even a matter of age but of not yielding to peer pre... (read in full...)
I love them both but I can't have them both!
Q. Ive been with my boyfriend who recently asked me to marry him for 3 years now, he is the kindest and most loving guy and he treats me like a princess. However over the past 8 months i have been getting feelings for an old friend of his, and the ...
A. 3 May 2010: I think what q1605 means is that if the "old friend " convinces you to be with him, after he'll just use you and dump you. Which is a distinct possibility- I am not as cynical as q1605 :) yet it's true that many males are competitive and they are ... (read in full...)
Men: Would you have treated a woman like this?
Q. I when out with this guy from work with his friends. We when to a couple of bars and a sushi place. We really hit it off. He bought me drinks that night. He stayed the night over at my place. We did not have sex but pretty close. The next ...
A. 3 May 2010: People only treats you the way you let them treat you.
You bring home some guy that you've just met maybe 3 hours before,and after a few rounds of drinks. He is not necessarily interested in you,he just wants to end the night with some sexual fun.... (read in full...)
How long can a man stay for the sake of the kids?
Q. I have been married for 15 years. We have 2 kids. My wife has a lot of good qualities. She is a loving mom and generally a nice person. However, she has some very bad traits that have turned me off to the point of not wanting to be around her. ...
A. 3 May 2010: If you feel you've honestly tried your best to save your marriage and nothing worked- then just get a divorce now, not in 9 years. The kids ? Kids are generellay much smarter and more perceptive than we think, and very adept at picking up vibes. E... (read in full...)
I really care for her, but her ex is making things impossible
Q. Because this is quite possibly the hardest situation I have ever been in throughout my life, I really need some advice. I met this amazing girl a few months ago and we hit it off and had a great time for the first few weeks. She told me that she had ...
A. 3 May 2010: Nope. She wants to keep her cake and eat it too. Having a stalking-ish ex is surely a big nuisance but it's nothing that cannot be dealt with. If it really gets to be a huge aggravation,or potentially dangerous, than she needs to tell the police .... (read in full...)
Should I be waiting for her?
Q. This girls been my bestfriend for the last 2 years and we know every thing about each other. A while ago she told me she loves me and i felt the same, i still do but she has a boyfriend. She always tells me that she wants to be sure before she does ...
A. 3 May 2010: How long is it "a while ago " ? If she realized she has feelings for you and just needs,say, 2 or 3 weeks to think it over and make her final decision,fine. If she has been stringing you along for months....then you are her "just in case ". Her p... (read in full...)
B/f keeps asking his ex to send him nude pictures!
Q. Ok here's my issue. I've been with my bf for almost 2 years now and we have a 7 month old daughter together and i'm still having the same issues with him. I have talked to him more than once and he knows how i feel about it. He is constantly in ...
A. 3 May 2010: I am sorry,this is very sad because there is a child involved, but I think that if your boyfriend keeps asking for nude pics from his ex- he needs to be YOUR ex ASAP.... (read in full...)
Takes two to tango
Q. stuck between two guys.. #1 Lee.. Lee i dated a few years ago for a few months. we had this really intense relationship. he is beautiful and sexy and funny and sweet. #2 Cooper.. Cooper and i are currently dating. He just bought us a hous...
A. 3 May 2010: I wrote it already on this site and I guess I will have to write it again...but honestly I just cannot understand why people feel they MUST make a choice between two wrong options ,when they know neither one is good for them. No,you cannot spend th... (read in full...)
Should I stay or should I go?
Q. ok heres whats going on.I love my boyfriend very much and we been through a lot together.he understands me more than anybody and i understand him like no1 else..we are just alike in every way..we think the same,do the same things,and i can even tell ...
A. 2 May 2010: Did you break up with him because he was getting money from some woman ?.... Mmmm. That would ring an alarm bell for me too. Yet, I think that he derves being allowed to say his side of the story if you did not even want to hear it at first. Get ... (read in full...)
Have I messed up my chances of getting my ex back by having a one night stand?
Q. Hey people, I really need advice, My and my girl broke up 3weeks ago and I been working to get back with my girlfriend for the past 3 weeks. Basically I'm doing this No Contact thing for about 30days so I could get myself together and get her to w...
A. 2 May 2010: You know, that's just the thing that broke up Rachel and Ross on "Friends"! ( watch the reruns if you are too young to remember ):)
So...normally I think honesty is the best policy. But in your case I'll make an exception. It's a one time tran... (read in full...)
Is it odd that I am close friends with my ex's girlfriend?
Q. Hi! I am friends again with My ex-boyfriend's girlfriend-me and her have so much in common, that it is weird! Her and I are very close, we talk on the phone and we email each other! She told me yesterday that there have been numerous times w...
A. 2 May 2010: Well yes,if you ask me, it is a bit odd. Particularly consideraing that you have been dumped for her, I think nobody would blame you for feeling some rivalry with her.
But if you don't,more power to you. It means that you've let go of the past and ... (read in full...)
I want him to tell my he likes me when he is sober!
Q. ok i know this guy years but never really talked to him and he was known to be a rude guy. i dont know why but we set up a date and met up. he seemed really nice and all.. after that i saw him again but he had some problems at home and didnt s...
A. 2 May 2010: Do not waste your time on a drunkard. he does not even remeber what he says when he is drunk, so it really means nothing.
And when he is sober he almost never initiates contact,and he blocks you on messenger... Clearly not encouraging.
Let h... (read in full...)
Is this acceptable behaviour in a relationship?
Q. is it right for your for a girlfriend or boyfriend to flirt or look for singles, when i have given her money and help her out with some bills?...
A. 2 May 2010: It's not right for your girlfriend to look fors singles,because she is your gf and she is not single. Regardless if you gave her money or not.... (read in full...)
I really like her but I'm not attracted to her
Q. I was introduced to someone that I felt no real cemistry for and tried to see if anything would develop as far as feelings go. We hve had sex but I just don't think she is my type at all and I try to see if feelings can develop but I don't think ...
A. 2 May 2010: How can she not be hurt ?
You had sex with her, and she must be assuming that you were phisically attracted to her. It's not delusional to assume that about people that want sex with you.
don't string her along anyway, the more you wait the wors... (read in full...)
What should I do about my 1 year long distance relationship?? I need advice please
Q. I need help trying to figure out what I wanna do with my realtionship with him.. We lived in the same city for a few months but then he had to move 1 hr 30 min away but we decided wed continue seeing each other knowing it would be harder being long ...
A. 2 May 2010: In may experience long distance relationship are very difficult to manage. They may work out when people are already very commmitted to each other abd then they have to be geographically distant for some reason, but a very strong connection had ... (read in full...)
Boyfriend says he's a shitty boyfriend and wants a break
Q. I just dont understand, me and my boyfriend have been dating for about 7 months and everything is great. we've never fought! i know thats crazy that we havent but its the truth. and he just recently got a new job that he's very busy with and is on ...
A. 2 May 2010: It means he's bullshitting you. That is the old ,time - honoured "it's not about you, it's about me ". Yeah right.... (read in full...)
He goes back and forth between me and my ex and I'm very confused!
Q. need advice please help. I came out of a 3 year relationship and he wasnt very nice i started goin out with friends enjoying myself when i met this lad we hit it off an was txting all the time meeting up he had just come out of a relationship to and ...
A. 2 May 2010: Look,I always try my best to respect the feelings of people I answer to, and not too sound judgemental and condescending,but...some times it's just too hard. So forgive me but I cannot help saying:
you cant' be serious,right ?
Drug addict who admi... (read in full...)
What does "I'm physically attracted to you" mean?
Q. What does it mean when a guy says he is physically attracted to you?...
A. 2 May 2010: It means what it says : that he thinks you are physically attractive,i.e. good looking,pretty,easy on the eyes. And most of the times it implies that he would like to have sex with you.... (read in full...)
Married for 8 months, but no longer feel close to my husband
Q. I am 33 and have been married for only 8 months (been together 5 years). I love my husband, but we have nothing in common and I no longer feel close to him. He has very bad credit and cannot save money. I pay for everything, including the we...
A. 2 May 2010: This is a case of self fulfilling prophecy. you expected all men to be cold,unemotional beer drinkers and hockey watchers who neglect their wifes, and you got exactly what you expected. Not because you are jinxed or because that was your destiny- ... (read in full...)
Are these measurements good?
Q. Okay...I'm a 14 year old African American female, my measurements are 34-30-38, I'm 130 pounds, and im 5'3 ..my question is, is that good or bad for a girl like me?...
A. 2 May 2010: your weight is perfectly normal for your height.
It sounds like you may be a bit pear-shaped (heavier on the bottom ) but there's nothing wrong or unappealing in that, it's just a body shape among others.... (read in full...)
What do girls look for in guys?
Q. Hey, what does a girl really see in a guy. I be myself and try to be the understandable, loving and funny. Do girls care for personalities or looks more? I'm a bit chubby yet built though not cut. I'm an all around guy that would stand up for ...
A. 2 May 2010: I think it's true that many girls your age are primarily attracted too good looks and other shallow and superficial factors.
In a way,that's good news. It leaves you with a smaller range of possibilities, but a better quality. The girls that you ... (read in full...)
To take risks with finding a girlfriend, or not to take risks?
Q. *OP's own title* I happen to know someone who blames other people that he can't get a girlfriend. He whines that he wishes he'd never been born. He lost his virginity to a prostitute. He says he is a good guy and that he can't understand why the ...
A. 2 May 2010: Life is all about taking risks. Nothing ventured,nothing gained.
Calculated risks possibly,not foolhardy risks. So maybe test the waters a bit before taking the plunge. Find out if she has a boyfriend. Smile at her and see if she smiles you back... (read in full...)
My boyfriend does not seem to have much time for me amongst the other things in his life.
Q. Me and my boyfriend have been in a relationship for about 4 months now. He is 20 and im 15 [ yes im aware there is an age difference.] He goes clubbing often every either thursday friday and saturday, We started off really happy and he used to call ...
A. 2 May 2010: This guy sounds like bad news for a 15 y.o.girl and the fact that he is distancing himself from you is a blessing in disguise. I know you can't see it this way right now. But you will in time,trust me.... (read in full...)
Why does my ex still want contact with me?
Q. Why does my ex still talk to me and want to see me if she has a boyfriend? We were together for a long time 2.5+ years, and she started dating him about a week after our breakup. The last month we have stayed in contact about three to four times a ...
A. 2 May 2010: Sure she should. If she does not it's because she likes to have an extra option just in case. It makes her feel good knowing she has influence over more than one man.
Women can be as manipulative as men,:) if they want.
Don't play her game. Sh... (read in full...)
I'm afraid that my fiance will regret not 'playing the field'
Q. My fiance and I have been together for about five years; since we were 18 and reaching the end of high school. We've been engaged for a year and three months and our wedding is in one week. Everything is settled, planned, ordered, and ready for ...
A. 2 May 2010: Suppose your soon to be husband in future regrets not having played the field. So?. People regret things all the time. I regret I only had one child when I wanted more. I regret having taken up smoking and fiI suppose nding hard to quit. I regret ... (read in full...)
Am I a bad girlfriend? My boyfriend says I am
Q. hi, i am not sure how to ask this. i have a boyfriend. lately it has not been smooth. we argue a lot and i get offended too much. in my relationship, it is getting so bad. he usually will be sweet if he ever offend or hurt me and convince m...
A. 1 May 2010: I understand your frustration, some times we feel we really need to talk to somebody and tjis somebody is as receptive as a stone wall and that drives you nuts.
Yet, I feel it's not acceptable tryng to get somebody's attention by yelling and punc... (read in full...)
We've been dating for 4 months, he says he loves both me and his wife and now she's coming back!
Q. Hi there! i have a serious problem here. i met this guy in december 2009, he told me his wife has left him for 14 months, then we started dating, now were are so emotional involved he just told me a week ago that the wife is coming back from ...
A. 1 May 2010: Unluckily there is little to be confused about here. His wife is coming back- he manifested clearly his intention to get back with her.
If one wanted to be malicious he, one could suspect he knew it all along and he was not actually on the verg... (read in full...)
How do I become more grateful?
Q. I don't want to turn into a doormat for other people but I have a question about gratitude. How do I become more grateful for things in life? Usually, we all feel better when we appreciate things. But sometimes, if you are too nice or show too ...
A. 1 May 2010: Sorry,Bruce Lee, I had mistakenlyre assumed the letter was from a woman so I gave you "girlie" examples,lol.
But I guess you've got my point anyway.
True,there's a lot of energy vampires around and they are ready to draw your emotional blodd. B... (read in full...)
I miss the man that sexually abused me as a child! I want a friendship with him but can a leopard ever change it spots?
Q. I need some advice, When I was 13 I met a man who was almost 60, and we struck up a bizarre friendship. He understood me and advised me as I was having a lot of personal problems. He took care of me, he gave me lifts places, he listened to me, and i ...
A. 1 May 2010: Yes! Yes ! Yes ! What he has done- it WAS all bad. No amount of niceties and compliments will ever make up for what he has done to you. It was BAD.
Don't feel you are on your own. Go talk to your doctor. Go talk to your priest ( or the repr... (read in full...)
My boyfriends family is throwing a 'sweet 16th' party on my 30th. I feel neglected and jealous. Should I say something?
Q. Here's the deal..my boyfriend of 12yrs. just told me that on my birthday his family is going to have a sweet 16 birthday party for his niece. I was so hurt this is my 30th birthday and was so excited! Because he had told me that he was going to ...
A. 1 May 2010: If the niece's birthday is in October but is actually celebrated months later, why don't you just do the same ? Why don't you tell yr bf to pick a dated one month after or before yr real birthdate and throw you the best party ever ?... (read in full...)
I'm tired of a one sided friendship
Q. this girl and i have been friends for a very long time. up until last year, we were really close. what tore us apart was that we drifted apart due to school and work related schedules not working well with the other -- which was fine. But then ...
A. 1 May 2010: Don't bother, It's not a matter of being good or bad, it's a matter of being compatible and having compatible values abour important things like friendship. A one sided friendship is just a useless drag on your energy.... (read in full...)
I don't classify this as cheating but my boyfriend will!
Q. Okay, Ive been dating a guy for about 2 months and I told him I would never cheat. But recently I was out with friends (1 girl and 2guys) one of the guys is an ex boyfriend. When we were leaving, i hugged him goodbye and I turned to kiss him on ...
A. 1 May 2010: It would never cross my mind to koss on the lips anybody who were not my regular partner. It's an intimate and confidential gesture that normally you don't do with male friends, so while the episode is too minor to be classified as cheating, yes, ... (read in full...)
I've had my tubes tied, ...but he is not sure he could go the rest of his life without becoming a father again.
Q. Dear Cupid, Im at a loss of everything, I met a man about 6mths ago who completes me in everyway. A few weeks ago we started talking about moving in together and how exactly we were going to go about it with my kids Dads and us being 2 hours ap...
A. 1 May 2010: You are right to slow down with plans until you have talked about that a bit more and decided how much of a problem this is gonna be.
Is this just a regret that he would have, a disappointment that can be compensate by deep mutual love, or is i... (read in full...)
How do I become more grateful?
Q. I don't want to turn into a doormat for other people but I have a question about gratitude. How do I become more grateful for things in life? Usually, we all feel better when we appreciate things. But sometimes, if you are too nice or show too ...
A. 1 May 2010: Yours is a broad question and I am not sure if I have got the point of it, anyway we can safely assume that "too much" is always a negative thing. Nice is good and shows self confidence. Too nice is not good ,it shows insecurity and need for ... (read in full...)
Manipulative best friend.
Q. my best friend i say loosely...her mother introduced me to her brother behind her back...and when we were introduced we hit it off right away...then she began telling him stuff like ..don't get into an arguement with her or she will scream and go ...
A. 30 April 2010: never say never,..who knows , maybe he will understand he made a mistake and he'll come back, but even if he does not... Princess,what are you talking about ?43 is YOUNG,nowadays. All the glossy magazines say "40 is the new 30 " now ! :)... (read in full...)
Manipulative best friend.
Q. my best friend i say loosely...her mother introduced me to her brother behind her back...and when we were introduced we hit it off right away...then she began telling him stuff like ..don't get into an arguement with her or she will scream and go ...
A. 30 April 2010: Hey Princess, if he broke up with you to please his sister..he was not a man worth having around but just a wuss ! You haven't lost that much ,really.... (read in full...)
Manipulative best friend.
Q. my best friend i say loosely...her mother introduced me to her brother behind her back...and when we were introduced we hit it off right away...then she began telling him stuff like ..don't get into an arguement with her or she will scream and go ...
A. 29 April 2010: If this is your best friend, I can't imagine what your worst enemy is like.... (read in full...)
I miss the man that sexually abused me as a child! I want a friendship with him but can a leopard ever change it spots?
Q. I need some advice, When I was 13 I met a man who was almost 60, and we struck up a bizarre friendship. He understood me and advised me as I was having a lot of personal problems. He took care of me, he gave me lifts places, he listened to me, and i ...
A. 29 April 2010: Sweetheart,pls. stay very very far away from this man.
You say you have nobody to talk to.
Talk to US.
You can PM me if you feel too down and lonely. And I am sure other aunts too would be glad to give you support .... (read in full...)
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