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... Send *indyCares a private message | | | *indyCares's profile:Hi everybody. I am an Italian woman currently living in Italy but I spent many years in England and USA. I hope my English is still decent but in case it got a little rusty, please be lenient.
My age ? Let say that I am way past the stage when you cry if the boy you like takes your best friend to the prom, and young enough to remember how awful that feels.
What qualifies me to help people- well, let me show off just a bit and mention that I studied Psychology 4 years in college, and, even if then I graduated in a different subject, I never lost my interest in psychology and kept reading a lot about this subject. Yet that does not really qualify me for anything because intellectual knowledge is not the same as real life experience. So let's say I feel I can advice people because I have lived a lot, travelled a lot, met a lot of people from all backgrounds , races and religions- I have loved a lot, and I have also been dumped a lot :)
Plus, I am really fascinated with people and their stories. Not in a gossipy way. I just find that every person is a whole new world that I am excited to discover.
Right now I am single- and happily so. I realized- better late than never - that rather than waiting for Prince Charming I should first become a Princess myself. You can't love anybody unconditionally, if first you don't love yourself unconditionally, and this is what I am learning to do.
Looking forward to hear from all of you..
Ciao
Cindy |
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| Latest articles: Devastation in Italy
This question has 2 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
26 August 2016: This has got nothing to do with romance or relationships or love- maybe with love for our fellow human beings, i.e. solidariety and compassion , so I hope that the mods will publish this regardless. On August 24th a devastating eartquak...
Ten best ways for a woman to be given her walking papers.
This question has 7 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
19 August 2014: Yeah I know : ultimately love is a mystery, not an exact science. There's always an element of sheer luck, of serendipity, of magic in it. Some times you do everything right, by the book, you are the perfect gf / wife / lover .. and you still get ...
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Can a vindictive narcissist go to one who just gives up?
Q. Ok so I am not sure if any of you can help me with this issue.... I have a narcissist ex. We have broken up twice now. The first time he was the vindictive type. He would ask around about me, hold my stuff hostage, drive by my house, text me, etc. ...
A. 28 May 2010: No contact does not mean you must not ever hear his name or he yours. It also does not mean that if you meet him by chance in the street you have to run away screaming.
No contact means that you stop initiating any communication with him and stop... (read in full...)
Can a vindictive narcissist go to one who just gives up?
Q. Ok so I am not sure if any of you can help me with this issue.... I have a narcissist ex. We have broken up twice now. The first time he was the vindictive type. He would ask around about me, hold my stuff hostage, drive by my house, text me, etc. ...
A. 27 May 2010: Do you really have to reply to his texts and calls ?
Do you WANT to ?
Could you not simply ignore him ?...
Same with his vindictive behaviour. So far he has not done anything that requires alerting the police or getting a restraining ... (read in full...)
Can a vindictive narcissist go to one who just gives up?
Q. Ok so I am not sure if any of you can help me with this issue.... I have a narcissist ex. We have broken up twice now. The first time he was the vindictive type. He would ask around about me, hold my stuff hostage, drive by my house, text me, etc. ...
A. 27 May 2010: May I ask : why do you care to know ? What difference does it make to you wheter he makes a move or not ?
Would you be ready to take him back if he does ?... And why ?
If he is a vindictive narcissist who left you twice, text you mean things a... (read in full...)
I'm getting the feeling she's just ignoring me, but I have no idea why
Q. I've been talking to this girl for a while now and I really like her. I thought she liked me as well, so I told her how I felt and it turned out she wasn't looking for a boyfriend and she said she was sorry if she gave me the wrong impression. ...
A. 27 May 2010: You are very young but old enough to have noticed that now always people do what they are suppposed to do.
People should not cross the street when the red light is on, but they do.
people should not pick their nose, but they do.
People shoul... (read in full...)
I told him how I felt and he stopped all communications with me. What happened?
Q. There's a boy I love and I told him how I feel for him. After that, I tried to contact him to talk to him more about it and find out how he feels for me. He stop all comunicational links to me and, now, I don't understand much. We were very good ...
A. 27 May 2010: Because you were friends and maybe he wanted to be just that - friends, without romantic undertones. Out of the blue he gets a sort of love declaration and he is embarassed. Rather than rejecting you openly he prefers to cut contact. Not nice of ... (read in full...)
What does love but not in love with mean?
Q. When a woman in her mid 50's is married to a man who is 60 yrs. old say's she loves her husband BUT is NOT in love with him---What exactly doe's that mean?? They have two grown sons and no grandchildren. Anyway why does she stay with him if she ...
A. 27 May 2010: I agree with laura and Rescuer, I just want to add something about the why she stays with him even without being in love.
There might be tons or reasons, including those about joint assets and financial stability, but a very good reason is that... (read in full...)
I hope I didn't blow it by sending this picture of us to him!
Q. My ex and i were with each other for almost 4 years and a year of no contact after the break up..no one cheated..i think we did really love each other..it was petty stuff that i think we can get over from just learning from mistakes etc..i know what ...
A. 27 May 2010: First,what is done is done, you sent the pic and now you can't unsend it, so it is pointless to obsess about it.
second, to be honest I don't feel that a pic would make a big difference either way in your situation. You contacted him first, he s... (read in full...)
How do I trust he's back to stay?
Q. Guys i need your help.i met this guy 2years ago while i was a student.we were head over heels about each other.we had a very great sex,letme say he was simply irrestible.he has a son,he told me his son's mother is married to another man.things ...
A. 27 May 2010: No,you cannot trust him. His child's mother is supposedly married with someone and ,once she comes back from abroad, rather than going home to her husband, she goes to your bf's place ??? Oh please. He must have told you a lot of lies even before ... (read in full...)
He's cocky, confident and teases me, but I don't know how he feels about me, what can I do to find out?
Q. i really need to know how this guy feels about me. its not easy to say how do you feel. i feel hes fond of me but i know im in love with him but i dont know if he feels the same way. hes very cocky and confident. hes always teasing me at work. he ...
A. 26 May 2010: It happens that you read more in what is just flirting and joking .
He has already indicated that he does not like you in a romantic way. " I care about you " just means he cares about you as a friend, in the same way as he probably cares abou... (read in full...)
I am ginger with glasses, how do I make myself more attractive?
Q. I am ginger with glasses and people give me a har time over it. How do I make mysel more attractive without dyeing my hair (I love my hair as it is) or getting contacts....
A. 25 May 2010: Uh-oh.
Sorry,male reader- Forgive my absentmindedness.
No make up then-by all means, no make up. And let's change the feminine young intellectual look to a masculine young intellectual look- that will work too.
The rest stays pretty much the sam... (read in full...)
He dropped me like a bad habit, what should I do?
Q. We were together for 4 months. The time we spent together was fun and very passionate. He would tell me he cared about me and was scared of being in a relationship because he still had things in his life to figure out. I fell for him. We took a week ...
A. 25 May 2010: You know, I am afraid that soon I'll have to stop with this Dear Cupid thing. It makes me feel soooo old. I mean, I am no spring chicken, but some letters make me feel totally ancient. As if I have heard the same things over and over again.
A... (read in full...)
I am ginger with glasses, how do I make myself more attractive?
Q. I am ginger with glasses and people give me a har time over it. How do I make mysel more attractive without dyeing my hair (I love my hair as it is) or getting contacts....
A. 25 May 2010: A natural redhead ? I am so jealous - I am a fake redhead.
Ginger is fa-bou-lous,don't worry. Just take good care of your hair, let them grow very long, or get a cool new haircut and make sure that your hair are always healthy,clean and shiny sinc... (read in full...)
Should I move out to be with my boyfriend and go against my parents wishes?
Q. I turn 18 in a few months, and I am in love with my boyfriend, i would do anything for him. My parents don't want me to see him so for about the past year we have been secretly seeing each other, but its getting harder and harder as my parents don't ...
A. 25 May 2010: I don't quite understand- there must be something else behind your parent's refusal to let you date this guy,beyond a 3 years age difference. Maybe something they know and don't tell you- or something you don't tell us.
I mean, 21 is too old- and ... (read in full...)
It's not you it's me? Should I leave before he does?
Q. I'm 22 and have 2 kids 3 and 1 years old. I've been with my boyfriend who's 19 for 1 year and 4 months and they think of him as their dad. He told me last night that he doesn't love me as much as he used to and he's only staying to try and make ...
A. 25 May 2010: "It's not you it's me " ?
They should make a law that assigns a hefty fine to whomever is caught saying this old line again. Or maybe even a jail sentence - or at least community service.
Alas, as you already know- it's a line. He is losing i... (read in full...)
Making A Fool Of Myself perhaps?
Q. I have just returned from a lovely cruise ( third this year) and already booked this ship again for two month time many of the apssengers have been on this ship loads of times as its small and gfriendly I am worried thaqt I might have made a fool...
A. 25 May 2010: Relax and enjoy your cruise !
You have not done anything wrong - you did not leave any contact number. Encouraging talent is a kind,nice gesture.
As an ex perfomer , I confirm you what your friend says- he surely has been just flattered .... (read in full...)
What does he want by contacting me again?! He cheated on me and used me!
Q. When we first met my instinct told me loud and clear that he was trouble but he was also very attractive and after hanging out a couple of times the sexual tension grew so strong that I couldn't help but giving in to the temptation. We started ...
A. 25 May 2010: You'll never have your heart felt apology ,or if you do,it will be just empty words as usual- because you can bet he is not sorry at all. You know him. He has no empathy, in fact he is probably very smug and pleased with himself for being such a ... (read in full...)
Please advise! Just found out I'm pregnant, my fiance wants to adopt it out...
Q. I am 18 and just found out I am pregnant... I think I am about 3 or 4 weeks. I was never told that antibiotics would cause my birth control to not work properly, and the condom broke. My fiance and I are both very scared right now. I refuse...
A. 25 May 2010: Do not let him pressure you. Do not accept deadlines that do not feel right to you. Take all the time you want.
If you give in to your bf's wishes without been deeply convinced that adoption is the right decision, if you say yes just to plea... (read in full...)
Could the "friends with benefits" concept work here?
Q. 11 years ago, I was a waitress in a lounge. I got to flirt with drunken men for a living - and I was good at it. I was in a completely new and dysfunctional relationship, and unknowingly pregnant at the time. One night, an absolutely beautiful ...
A. 25 May 2010: I don't think a long term affair can avoid to become emotional at some point, at least for one of the parties involved. I don't think it can't ever remain just strictly based on sex.
Sex is sex- in itself ,just gymnastics. Once you have chec... (read in full...)
Is having a few days of no contact helpful for the relationship?
Q. this isnt really a problem its just a curiosity that needs a little advice. a little back ground first... me and my boyfriend have been going out for about a year and a half now and have been living together for the last seven months. over the...
A. 25 May 2010: Why did you not ask him these questions ? It seems the decision was unilateral- he wants to try this NC experiment and you feel your communication is Ok the way it is. So the best person to ask it's your bf : does he want some space ? Is he afraid ... (read in full...)
I'm afraid that my father and his side of the family won't approve of the relationship
Q. some time ago i went to cuba to meet my family. there i meet a guy (his aunt is married to my uncle). we hit it off the second we meet. after that i went back to cuba a few times to see him and we have kept in touch. i have falling in love with him ...
A. 25 May 2010: it would be interesting to know exactly why your father and his relatives would disapprove of your bf. Is it possible that there is something in this man's life which your father feels you are underestimating ? Drug or alcohol abuse ? Cheating on ... (read in full...)
I slept with my teacher on impulse, what should I do now?
Q. Thanks for answering this, if it even gets posted! A few days ago whilst staying after school to talk to a teacher we got into a very deep conversation, he was telling me about his wife, we've always been closer than teacher and pupil as he helpe...
A. 24 May 2010: Katy,it is not exactly like that about the student who slept with the 25 y.o. teacher. 4 out of 5 answers said it was wrong and illegal. And the young teacher supposedly is single. There's a difference.
As for "open relationships " I thought they... (read in full...)
Can some Turkish people please tell me how serious it is to meet Turkish parents?
Q. I have been dating a Turkish man born in Konya for 6 months, including a 3-month long-distance period. Recently, his family came to visit him and he hasn't mentioned me in front of his family at all. He directly told me that at this st...
A. 24 May 2010: Well,sure,LonelyTwo- I agree. Always better to be familiar with the customs ,tradition,mentality before- so one knows exactly what she is putting herself into and what she could handle or couldn't.
Yet, I would not like to scare too much our OP .... (read in full...)
What should my Parner's child call me?
Q. I need a name for my other half's two-year old child (boy) to call me. My own name isn't an option (the child's Mother would find it annoying to keep hearing my name). My other half and his ex had split up 6 months before I started seeing h...
A. 24 May 2010: In Italy many kids call Tata ( pron. TAH-tah ) their main caregiver after the mother ) . Like their favourite aunt, or an older sister etc.... (read in full...)
Are men attracted to overweight women?
Q. hey aunties and uncles. I'm going to be direct with this question because I've always wanted to know. is being overweight a real turn off for boys and do they get attracted to overweight girls? I myself am not overweight or anything but I am curious ...
A. 24 May 2010: I think bettyb and prion have gloomier views than necessary. Everybody's experiences are different and mine was luckier. The only two really head turning, super hot guys ( one was a model ) I have dated, I met them AFTER I had gained quite a lot ... (read in full...)
Should I just swallow my pride and change my religion to marry him?
Q. i have been going out with a guy for more than eight years now. he said one day when we were together "lets get married" but i was just starting work so i told him we should wait a bit. He also says that he will only marry me if i change my religion ...
A. 24 May 2010: No!
you don't change religion as you would change underwear or hair colour.
You don't fiddle with God- if you believe in any God. And if you don't and you are atheist or agnostic, embracing a religion in which you don't believe is disrespe... (read in full...)
I can't control my feelings for my cousin!
Q. hey guys, i want some suggestions from you all, i don't know why? but i can't control my feelings for my cousin, I've tried allot to make her realize that how much i care for her but she never considered me, shes of 27 n em just of 20, another ...
A. 24 May 2010: Forget for a sec the fact that you and her are cousins -which is not irrelevant , but let's pretend she is not your cousin.
So ? does it get any better ?.. No, because she is 7 years older than you AND she is in love with somebody else.
What ... (read in full...)
Can some Turkish people please tell me how serious it is to meet Turkish parents?
Q. I have been dating a Turkish man born in Konya for 6 months, including a 3-month long-distance period. Recently, his family came to visit him and he hasn't mentioned me in front of his family at all. He directly told me that at this st...
A. 24 May 2010: It's not exactly that he is not into you ... it's difficult for us to understand. In general,family cohesion and parental approval plays a much bigger role in places like Turkey or Northern African countries ,than in USA or Europe. Most guys will ... (read in full...)
Why doesn't it feel good?
Q. Why doesnt it feel good when he rubs my clitoritis? its like he'll be fingering me and try it and people say it feels like amazing and with me it just sorta tickels like it make my legs twitch and I cant take it because it sorta hurts. I dont get ...
A. 23 May 2010: Because many men don't know how to do it in general and don't know how you would like it in particular.
You have to explore your body and find out what works for you- which angle, pressuure, speed, - and then show him.... (read in full...)
My girlfriend lied and cheated, can I do the same?
Q. Okay so I am new to this asking the world sort of stuff, so before i pose my question i will give you the backstory. I have been dating my girlfriend now for 16 months. 10 months in to this relationship i left for vietnam to spend time with my dad...
A. 23 May 2010: Cheating is never Ok, even if your gf did that to you. Two wrongs don't make a right.
But I think that even without the arrival on the scene of the mysterious French seductress, you were already questioning your current relationship. A love... (read in full...)
He says it's over -- is it?
Q. Ok, this is going to be a long one but I really need as much advise as I can get. So, I was with this guy for over a year. In this year we got very serious. We lived together, had a boat, a dog, a quad. Our friends are even the same people. We moved ...
A. 23 May 2010: It means he is being rude and childish and he has a chip on his shoulder- so ,what's new ?
Careful, girl- You are still way too hung on his every single gesture or look.
There's no need for all this scrutiny, things are simple
-he dumped you
... (read in full...)
Why is my ex doing these things to me when he was cheating and has already slept with someone else?
Q. This is a really long story. I feel very upset and confused. I don’t understand why I was treated this way. I feel worthless. I am 28 and my ex is 30. I always thought we will get married. My boyfriend and I have been together for almost a year. 2...
A. 23 May 2010: I don't know if your ex will change for his new gf. I think people never really change "for" somebody : they only change for themselves, when they reach a point where they are sick and tired, or ashamed, or regretful for their own behaviour.
D... (read in full...)
Can some Turkish people please tell me how serious it is to meet Turkish parents?
Q. I have been dating a Turkish man born in Konya for 6 months, including a 3-month long-distance period. Recently, his family came to visit him and he hasn't mentioned me in front of his family at all. He directly told me that at this st...
A. 23 May 2010: This applies to all Muslim men not only Turkish .
according to their religion Muslim men are allowed to marry a non-Muslim woman if she is a Christian or Jewish resident in countries "daar-ul-Islam " ( where the Islamic law prevails ). Marr... (read in full...)
Does my boyfriend desire my sister?
Q. I am really confused and upset at recent events with my partner of 16 years. I am 37 he is 45. We have had a great relationship and people often tell me how nice my partner is and how much he loves me. He is a big man and is thoughtful and takes ...
A. 23 May 2010: This is just weird.
I have a very good relationship with my sister's husband. We get along well, and he is also an attractive guy- yet, it never occurred to me getting more physical than an occasional pat on the shoulder :" Hi Max, what's up "... (read in full...)
Are men attracted to overweight women?
Q. hey aunties and uncles. I'm going to be direct with this question because I've always wanted to know. is being overweight a real turn off for boys and do they get attracted to overweight girls? I myself am not overweight or anything but I am curious ...
A. 23 May 2010: Define overweight. Overweight as compared to what ?...
What is the ideal weight ? And who decided it ?
If you are a raven haired woman, you are not "overdark " or "not blonde enough "-you are you.
There are different sizes and shapes of women, an... (read in full...)
She broke up with me and says she wants to be friends
Q. omg u guys. The girl I wuz in a relationship with broke up with me last month because she said that she didnt know if she wanted a serious relationship right now. That's fine 6ut now she tell me she still tells me she wants to be just friends for ...
A. 23 May 2010: You can't stay "just friends " with her if basically you are still in love with her and want her back.
The "just friends " thing can only work after a while when both parties have overcome any romantic feelings.
You should protect your pride an... (read in full...)
What should my Parner's child call me?
Q. I need a name for my other half's two-year old child (boy) to call me. My own name isn't an option (the child's Mother would find it annoying to keep hearing my name). My other half and his ex had split up 6 months before I started seeing h...
A. 23 May 2010: The boy's mother will be annoyed if she keeps hearing your name.
But even if the boy should call you "Auntie " or "Nana" or "Deedee"....or whatever name in the world....she would still know that her child is talking about YOU,won't she ?
She w... (read in full...)
He says it's over -- is it?
Q. Ok, this is going to be a long one but I really need as much advise as I can get. So, I was with this guy for over a year. In this year we got very serious. We lived together, had a boat, a dog, a quad. Our friends are even the same people. We moved ...
A. 23 May 2010: It happens, dear OP. It happens all the time even to much saner people than your ex. People falls in love,- people falls out of love. They say " I love you, I'll marry you " then they change their mind. This is not strange, again :it happens to ... (read in full...)
Why is my ex doing these things to me when he was cheating and has already slept with someone else?
Q. This is a really long story. I feel very upset and confused. I don’t understand why I was treated this way. I feel worthless. I am 28 and my ex is 30. I always thought we will get married. My boyfriend and I have been together for almost a year. 2...
A. 22 May 2010: When he was dating you, he was cheating on you with 6 other girls.
Now that he has another gf, he will be cheating on her with 6 girls too. He just wanted to maintain his hold on you ,in case at some point he needed you to join the happy sext... (read in full...)
My job, car, and house suddenly don't seem good enough to ask for her hand!
Q. Hi, I am under a little bit of stress over my relationship. We have been together for 3 years and had plans real soon of asking for her hand; however all of the sudden my job, car and where I live gets brought up. Funny thing is that it wasn't ...
A. 22 May 2010: Exactly. I think she just wants to motivate you, to spur you a bit. If you like or dislike being spurred,that's another story :)... (read in full...)
He says it's over -- is it?
Q. Ok, this is going to be a long one but I really need as much advise as I can get. So, I was with this guy for over a year. In this year we got very serious. We lived together, had a boat, a dog, a quad. Our friends are even the same people. We moved ...
A. 22 May 2010: If you want to go to Vietnam, go to Vietnam. If you want give some time to introspection and reflection,do it.
But as for evaluating the situation, I fail to see what exactly you need to evaluate....
You just spent a horrible year with a guy who ... (read in full...)
My job, car, and house suddenly don't seem good enough to ask for her hand!
Q. Hi, I am under a little bit of stress over my relationship. We have been together for 3 years and had plans real soon of asking for her hand; however all of the sudden my job, car and where I live gets brought up. Funny thing is that it wasn't ...
A. 22 May 2010: After your updates, I don't judge your gf's attitude as severely as my fellow DearCupiders. I would like to stress that I am not trying to meddle in your financial business, and that not knowing you and her, I might be widely off the mark. It's just ... (read in full...)
My job, car, and house suddenly don't seem good enough to ask for her hand!
Q. Hi, I am under a little bit of stress over my relationship. We have been together for 3 years and had plans real soon of asking for her hand; however all of the sudden my job, car and where I live gets brought up. Funny thing is that it wasn't ...
A. 21 May 2010: It depends. If your gf sets these conditions about job,car and house as prerequisites for accepting to marry you, then you are right to be wary because that shows a superficial, materialistic and greedy attitude. If these subjects were br... (read in full...)
He says it's over -- is it?
Q. Ok, this is going to be a long one but I really need as much advise as I can get. So, I was with this guy for over a year. In this year we got very serious. We lived together, had a boat, a dog, a quad. Our friends are even the same people. We moved ...
A. 21 May 2010: Thanks for the vote of confidence ,Q1605 :) I am a pragmatist. I can understand that right now the OP is all caught up in the "whys "- Why does he do this and say that. But the whys are seldom very important. If I am strolling in downtown Da... (read in full...)
He says it's over -- is it?
Q. Ok, this is going to be a long one but I really need as much advise as I can get. So, I was with this guy for over a year. In this year we got very serious. We lived together, had a boat, a dog, a quad. Our friends are even the same people. We moved ...
A. 21 May 2010: I agree too with boo22- suppose that he really he is borderline, or narcissistic. Or he's having a manic episode. Or he just has a very bad attituse... basically,who cares ? That 's a problem for his shrink or counselor.
Your problem is- how do y... (read in full...)
He says it's over -- is it?
Q. Ok, this is going to be a long one but I really need as much advise as I can get. So, I was with this guy for over a year. In this year we got very serious. We lived together, had a boat, a dog, a quad. Our friends are even the same people. We moved ...
A. 20 May 2010: I think that he acts this way simply because this is his personality, his character. From what you said in your post, he is impulsive, fickle, and all about instant gratification. ( The boat, the quad, the "toys " he gets without even being sure ... (read in full...)
He says it's over -- is it?
Q. Ok, this is going to be a long one but I really need as much advise as I can get. So, I was with this guy for over a year. In this year we got very serious. We lived together, had a boat, a dog, a quad. Our friends are even the same people. We moved ...
A. 19 May 2010: It's him. He is an adult ( even if an immature one ). Adults are fully responsible for their words ,thoughts,and actions. You dont' "make " them act in any particular way if it goes against their choices and inclinations ( unless you were pointing ... (read in full...)
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