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... Send *indyCares a private message | | | *indyCares's profile:Hi everybody. I am an Italian woman currently living in Italy but I spent many years in England and USA. I hope my English is still decent but in case it got a little rusty, please be lenient.
My age ? Let say that I am way past the stage when you cry if the boy you like takes your best friend to the prom, and young enough to remember how awful that feels.
What qualifies me to help people- well, let me show off just a bit and mention that I studied Psychology 4 years in college, and, even if then I graduated in a different subject, I never lost my interest in psychology and kept reading a lot about this subject. Yet that does not really qualify me for anything because intellectual knowledge is not the same as real life experience. So let's say I feel I can advice people because I have lived a lot, travelled a lot, met a lot of people from all backgrounds , races and religions- I have loved a lot, and I have also been dumped a lot :)
Plus, I am really fascinated with people and their stories. Not in a gossipy way. I just find that every person is a whole new world that I am excited to discover.
Right now I am single- and happily so. I realized- better late than never - that rather than waiting for Prince Charming I should first become a Princess myself. You can't love anybody unconditionally, if first you don't love yourself unconditionally, and this is what I am learning to do.
Looking forward to hear from all of you..
Ciao
Cindy |
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| Latest articles: Devastation in Italy
This question has 2 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
26 August 2016: This has got nothing to do with romance or relationships or love- maybe with love for our fellow human beings, i.e. solidariety and compassion , so I hope that the mods will publish this regardless. On August 24th a devastating eartquak...
Ten best ways for a woman to be given her walking papers.
This question has 7 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
19 August 2014: Yeah I know : ultimately love is a mystery, not an exact science. There's always an element of sheer luck, of serendipity, of magic in it. Some times you do everything right, by the book, you are the perfect gf / wife / lover .. and you still get ...
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What do people think of the 'Rubber Band Theory'?
Q. This is for both for both guys and girls. Be good to hear both points of view. Do you believe in the Rubber Band Theory that men need to pull back after intimacy? How do guys feel during this period of needing Space? ...
A. 17 June 2010: No, I don't believe it. People do not "need " to do absolutely anything, except breathing, and ingesting enough liquids and food to stay alive. Anything else, they do it because they want,
Therefore, if I should find a man that wants (not "nee... (read in full...)
What do these incestual feelings mean?
Q. Hello. I'm only after hitting puberty, I'm a girl and I've recently been turned on by incest - I read it but I wouldn't act it out. Then I noticed i felt weird feelings towards my dad but I shrugged them off. Now they are back and I don't know wha...
A. 17 June 2010: My trollometer is ringing loud ....... (read in full...)
I feel like I'd be taking advantage of this older man if we got together!
Q. I'm 18 and I'm in a bit of a predicament, recently the man I've been seeing has told me that he has never been in love and he thinks he loves me, he has low self confidence despite being very very sexy and part of the reason we hooked up was because ...
A. 17 June 2010: New thoughts :-
- apparently you don't have much reason to worry then. If you have been dating for 2 years and he has not yet fallen in love, it sounds reasonable that he might go on like now- without risking any particular heartbreak
- thi... (read in full...)
I feel like I'd be taking advantage of this older man if we got together!
Q. I'm 18 and I'm in a bit of a predicament, recently the man I've been seeing has told me that he has never been in love and he thinks he loves me, he has low self confidence despite being very very sexy and part of the reason we hooked up was because ...
A. 17 June 2010: I feel he is the one who is taking advantage of you.
The line is feeding you- the oh so sensitive so vulnerable never been in love pleeeeaze don't hurt me- is one of the oldest and tritest ever and you are forgivable for falling for it just beca... (read in full...)
Dating and don't know where to go to date!
Q. My boyfriend and I have been together for like a month and we haven't been on one date and I dont know what to do cuz when I try to suggest that we should go places he dont know where. please help....
A. 16 June 2010: Q ! Did you take Lola to watch paint dry ?... How come when I ask you to watch paint dry with me you always say : oh no, that's boring. Too bad for you. I am planning on hand polishing a crate of cherry pits and I am NOT inviting you to join ... (read in full...)
Is she lying about her "size" preferences?
Q. OK, I'm having a major issue with something that I know is terribly immature, but I can't help it. I am dealing with the "her ex is bigger" syndrome (his 9 to my 6), and I am OK with myself and my abilities, but I can't understand the mixed signals ...
A. 16 June 2010: Just playful banter and oneupmanship.
Bigger is not necessarily better, and there actually can be something like "too much of a good thing ".... (read in full...)
What can I do to pass the time and distract myself until she gets back?
Q. I have been going out with my girlfriend for nearly 3 months and i have grown really close to her. She is going on this family vacation for almost 2 months and i have no idea what to do. She has just left and i already miss her. I find most of my ...
A. 16 June 2010: Well,that sounds easy . We don't have a love trouble here,everything is fine, - you just need to keep busy and cut the idle hours when you would think and think and think about her.
C'mon, at you age it should not be that difficult. Have you got ... (read in full...)
Does anyone out there understand a man's mind?
Q. Here's a question for anyone who thinks they understand a mans mind! I was with my ex boyfriend for a year. Lived together from 3 months, looking back it was too soon and it caused problems. We did/do get on amazingly well, we have a very deep...
A. 16 June 2010: I think he is not so mysterious, he told you very clearly the kind of relationship he wants. Something not only physical ( not a booty call ) - something with space for companionship ,friendship and affection. BUT without committment, promises, ... (read in full...)
What should I do about this?
Q. Hi everyone, I've been battling with this for a while now and after reading a lot of replies to similar questions here, I decided that this is the best place for me to get advice. My boyfriend and I are both young (we're both 20) and we met...
A. 16 June 2010: Sorry but I have to be pessimistic about the outcome of this story.
He already broke is promises - twice in a year. What's the point of making him promise again ? Obviously he is the type of guy who has no particular scruples in breaking his word... (read in full...)
Second date flake or genuine reason?
Q. So I met this guy online, we went out for a date, I was totally into him and I reckon he was into me. We went back to his had a bit of fun (nothing too serious). I was smitten. I texted him the following day telling him it was great to meet him, he ...
A. 16 June 2010: Totally flake and totally cheap fob off.
He did have fun- that does not mean he wants to have a relationship, and,from his reaction, it does not even mean he wants to have fun on a semi-regular basis. I think he wants to leave it very casual and ... (read in full...)
Why do parents get so crazy about sexual stuff with us teens?
Q. Why do parents get so crazy about sexual stuff with us teens? If we are protected then let us learn and realize the real world of a relationship. I think if the parent lets the kids do stuff it gives the kid responsibilty and helps them realize what ...
A. 16 June 2010: Parents get crazy because they have plenty of reasons to get crazy.
One is teen pregnancy. In theory there is protection, in practice many teenagers are too lazy or irresponsible or clueless to use it correctly and consistently, so unplanned preg... (read in full...)
Is it possible to do this while sleepwalking?
Q. Well basicly last wednesday i discoverd a sex site in my fiance's name, emial adress, pic and even his regular password(all of which i knew). obviously i confronted him, and he said he knew about the site and had been trying to get rid of it for ...
A. 15 June 2010: Your post reminds me of a great old classic movie, from 1944- "Gaslight " with Ingrid Bergman. She hears sounds of footsteps from the attic and the husband says,impossible,it wasn't me. Pictures disappear from the wall and the husband says- it ... (read in full...)
I'm a person, not a sex toy -- how do I find a guy who wants that?
Q. I'm not sure if I'm attractive, even though people say I am. I'm 17 and I've only had one boyfriend, we lasted for 3 months and nothing even happened, not even a kiss. I have braces, and people always make comments about how no one wants to kiss ...
A. 15 June 2010: I think you are a bit confused and your expectations are unrealistic.
You are perfectly right to not want to be used ,or become a sex toy for the selfish whims of someone who does not care about you.
But a romantic relationship (boyfrie... (read in full...)
She's much younger than me, is a relationship possible?
Q. please help me! i am in a big confusion recently i fall in love with a girl, who is 10 years younger than me. please suggest to me that i am in a right way? it is possible for this much age difference? please reply. thanks i...
A. 15 June 2010: In your country it may be possible- but that does not make it right.
If you are 25 and she is 15 - it's disquieting.
If you are 22 and she is 12- it's simply horrible.... (read in full...)
What you need versus what is the right thing to do?
Q. so doing what you feel like you need to do versus doing what you feel is the morally righteous thing to do? What is your outlook on this?...
A. 15 June 2010: Yours is a very broad question and maybe if you could give some more details you'd get more precise answers.
Personally, I am a big fan of what I need versus what's the right thing to do. Life is short and we must try to get the most happ... (read in full...)
Its not possible to make a clean break!
Q. Ok cupid I'm havin a problem. I've heard of the clean break but its not gonna work for me. When you've already said that you would be friends with someone that you went out with and you want them back what should you do. She's single. I'm single. ...
A. 15 June 2010: Well,when people (both males and females ) say :"I don't want a relationship right now " generally what they mean is that they don't want a relationship with YOU.
But in your case it's much easier to find out what is what. She said she might be r... (read in full...)
Why would my girlfriend say this?
Q. Hello everybody, I have a question... I've had an on/off relationship with this girl for a few years. The last time we broke up I thought it was for good since at that time we were planning on getting married. We started seeing each other again ...
A. 15 June 2010: I guess she wants a firm committment from you and the ring would be the symbol of that "no going back " committment.
Then again, since you want to get married, and she wants to get married....I don't see that much of a problem here. Get her the ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend doesn't see me as part of his future!
Q. I just listened to a voice message left by my boyfriend. I have been bothered by the fact that he doesn't ever talk about having any kind of future with me (this has bothered me for a while). I guess I know why now. He's apparently not planning ...
A. 15 June 2010: I only partially agree with YouWish.
I agree that 6 months is too early to know or decide that you surely want to spend the rest of your life with a person.
It's not too early, though, to know or decide that you exclude spending the rest of your ... (read in full...)
What are the thoughts on being involved with someone who isn't single?
Q. Is she into me? Hi there, thought id gather some people's (objective) opinions in a matter. This really cute girl at my work has only started work here for a few months now. When we first spoke she seemed to give off the vibe that eithe...
A. 15 June 2010: You are very young and maybe you have not noticed yet that many "taken" girls flirt as much as the single ones,in fact they flirt more. Because it's "safer ".
They can enjoy the attention, and feel good about themselves, and spice up a bori... (read in full...)
Is it wrong to date someone who you have no intention of marrying? Yet they do..?
Q. My girlfriend and i am dating for 8 months but we haven't had sex yet. The reason why we didn't have sex is she wants to lose her virginity ONLY to someone she wants to marry. She is a virgin, I am not. And the fact is that she wanna marry me in the ...
A. 15 June 2010: So,you are asking if it would be wrong getting your gf to have sex with you when you know a) that she would only lose her virginity to the man who will marry her and b) that you have no intention to marry her ever ...
Uhm, let's see .... is it wr... (read in full...)
I just found out my boyfriend lost his virginity to another girl during our break up
Q. My boyfriend and I broke up. He got with another girl and he lost his virginity with her. But then we got back together four months ago and I just found out he had sex with her. It hurt me really bad and I dont know how to feel about it. So do ...
A. 15 June 2010: Awww sweetie, sorry to hear that,you must be sad .
But perhaps it was for the best, he had already disappointed you and you were finding difficult to accept what had happened.
Try to move on...and hopefullly your next relationship will give you... (read in full...)
Does she want me back or is there no hope?
Q. *OP's Original Title* First off. Yes, I'm in a long distance relationship. No, nothing you say pertaining to "oh its long distance, its not gonna work anyway" will make it into my head because I have been told that so many times and so has she....
A. 14 June 2010: If she would still love you,would she be dating another guy ?... (read in full...)
What does this text mean?
Q. Im slightly confused by a text ive just recieved. Theres a group of 4 of us that usually go out. 3 of us said yeah lets go out this weekend so i text my guy mate who also comes out with us and said "we might be going out this saturday night, you ...
A. 14 June 2010: Bunny Tee,behave :)- At first I found the question rather
vapid too,but on second reading I got what she wants to know.
Suppose the poster is called Mary . She wants to know if the boy means .
1) Sure,Mary, I would not miss the chance to sp... (read in full...)
Worried about our age gap down the line..
Q. I have been in a relationship with my boyfriend now for two years. We've been talking about getting married in the future, and I'm want to be his wife, but there's one little thing that worries me: He's 18 years my senior. Now, I've told him abou...
A. 14 June 2010: All big differences are a problem. Differences in age,in income,in education, you name it.
It does not mean it cannot ever work.
Just that to make it work it takes a lot of love,a lot of committment, a lot of adjustments and flexibility. Basicall... (read in full...)
Splitting the bill on a first date?
Q. I was on a first date with this guy and we went to see a movie, then had dinner at a Chinese restaurant. We're both students. He is a year older than me. So, he bought the movie tickets online, then announced the price out loud - "so it's 22.50 f...
A. 14 June 2010: In these circumstances,probably not.
I say probably rather than certainly because I have noticed time and again as " I have my own company " is often a code phrase for " I have no reliable,documentable source of income ". Then again, true, if he's... (read in full...)
Is it possible that we will eventually have a relationship?
Q. Is it possible to know if you probably will end up with someone at some point? There's this guy who is one of my best friends and I know him incredibly well, like, including all his wank fantasies and alternative methods of wanking and we've re...
A. 14 June 2010: Correct me if I am wrong, it's a while I don't peruse my "Friends " DVD collection, but Monica and Chandler were never FWB. They talked about being FWB ,for about a week.. but they couldn't, because they had fallen in love right away. And in all ... (read in full...)
Splitting the bill on a first date?
Q. I was on a first date with this guy and we went to see a movie, then had dinner at a Chinese restaurant. We're both students. He is a year older than me. So, he bought the movie tickets online, then announced the price out loud - "so it's 22.50 f...
A. 14 June 2010: I am gonna be a bit more indulgent than the other Aunts.
True, it's the man that should pay on a first date.
But this applies to people with real jobs . A student ?
Even if yours was an unexpensive date,it still amounted to over 60 bucks. I sup... (read in full...)
What do you do when your family doesn't approve your relationship?
Q. I've been seeing this guy for over a year long-distance (I'm American, he's English). We have yet to meet, but will be shortly (I'm flying there). We have literally everything in common; I have seriously never met anyone like him before. He's the ...
A. 14 June 2010: I think you can't have it both ways.
It's true that you are an adult and you are free to make your own choices,as debatable as they may look to other people ( and yes, dating someone who is 40 years older than you ,lives thousands of miles from... (read in full...)
Should I end this now before it gets any worse?
Q. I need help. I’m in process of separation and divorce and about two years ago I meat this guy at work –we start sleeping together .I’m very much in love with him ,he told me that he loves me too but dosen't want a girlfriend. There is big difference ...
A. 14 June 2010: You have to run away,not just walk away !
He told you that he does not want you in his life,he told you that he does not want to date you . What do you need to be told more than that ??!
He says he will get serious in one year ?... How nice.
... (read in full...)
How can I tell if the relationship is completely over?
Q. My boyfriend broke up with me and he says he needs time to get him life together and finances. He is broke and struggling to make ends meet. He says it wouldn't be fair to me for us to stay together because he can't put all the effort in a ...
A. 14 June 2010: It is over.
I doubt there are around many men so chivalrous and unselfish to give up a relationship they really care about because personal concerns prevent them from putting all their effort into the relationship. What happens commonly is,in fact... (read in full...)
It's all so childish!!!
Q. Hey all im really annoyed and i need some calming down/advice. Me and my ex boyfriend were with each other for just over a year and split over a year ago. I got with my new partner 5 months ago after speaking with him for 2 months before that...
A. 13 June 2010: Don't feel bad, don't feel annoyed, and don't think about it any more. It's not about you- it's environmentsl. No disrespect meant , but in your lovely British village they obviously have too much time on their hands and a big lack of distractions. ... (read in full...)
My b/f's closeness to his 17 year old daughter makes me uncomfortable
Q. My boyfriend has a 17 year old daughter who asked him to rub fake tan in her back last week when her nan was in the house and she was off to a friends house so i couldn't see why she couldn't have asked one of them. is this normal or am i being ...
A. 13 June 2010: OP, when I was a teenageer my dad too used to rub sunscreen on my back. I mention this because I was raised with such a maniacal attention to what is "proper " and socially acceptable that occasionally I felt I was at the court of Queen Victoria. ... (read in full...)
Tricky love triangle!
Q. Okay well i have this BIG problem Its really complicated and hard to explain but its a tricky love triangle basically. Well i'll start from the beginning... Me and my Best friend work at the same place, and theres this guy at work i REALLY...
A. 13 June 2010: Sorry I saw your post only now, some times a post will just sort of sleep away among the others...
Look, I know now you are embarassed and feel this is an awkward situation, but don't blow things out of proportions ok ? It wasall a sillly misu... (read in full...)
What's a "troya"?
Q. What does it mean when your Italian boyfriend calls you a "troya"?...
A. 13 June 2010: What ??? In Italian it's an insult. Troia is a female pig- and used for a woman ,it means a big slut .
Tell your boyfriend to watch his mouth - and his manners ! ... (read in full...)
Why is my ex girlfriend so cold hearted?
Q. hey there ... once again im back here for advice ... if you have read my past posts you would know my background story to just refresh it .. my ex gf of 11 months broke up with me cause she said she didn't love me any more and said she w...
A. 13 June 2010: She is not doing anything to you and she is not seeking revenge. She is simply living her life and moving on,-and you should do the same.
Of course it would be better if she could use a bit more discretion and be less obvious about her moving on- ... (read in full...)
Birthday, money and friends....
Q. my birthday is in a couple of weeks and i am going to turn 14, i have invited my friends for a sleep over but im not sure what to do before that. we can't go to the cinema because theres nothing on and we can't go to a restaurant because they expect ...
A. 13 June 2010: 1) Beauty night. Chip i to buy some really cheap make up and nail polish and do up each other . Be creative, be otrageous, be over the top- you can just wash it away after all ! Get some hair paint - it's washable. Or henna paste and a tiny brush- ... (read in full...)
Should I start dating my ex again?
Q. Me and my gf of over 4 years broke up about 6 months ago and went on a break (my choice to break up due to fighting). Since then she has dated another guy for about 2 months. They broke up about a week ago and i started seeing and talking to her ...
A. 13 June 2010: Mmmm...I obviously have no evidence to support my opinion, it's just a gut feeling- but I'd say she is just plain and simple stringing you along. Very probably you are her default option- she is buying time to see of she can find someone else,or ... (read in full...)
My girlfriend makes excuses not to have sex with me!
Q. My girlfriend and i have been together for three months now and at the first month she told me we are going to have sex in two months time and its two months and she tells me that she is not used to me and we met every single day and kisses.what ...
A. 13 June 2010: I know it's a lot to ask from a guy your age, but if you really like this girl , you should just simply wait as much as she wants and not pressure her into doing something she is not quite ready for.
LOet's forget for a moment the fact that you ... (read in full...)
I'm not sexually attracted to my boyfriend!
Q. Hi, my boyfriend and I have been dating for 3 years now. We never had sex until a year after started dating. I didn't want to at first because I wanted to wait until we get married, but he couldn't. Somehow I could understand that and so we started ...
A. 13 June 2010: No,it's not normal and no,it's not your fault. It may be nobody's fault, if there's no chemistry there's no chemistry,it happens.
Othere people will tell you that a relationship is not about sex, and that passion fades away in time etc.etc. And ... (read in full...)
Do I take this job or not?
Q. I'd like some advice. I'm wondering if i should go for this interview for receptionist job at a backpacker hostel in London, and take the job if they offer it to me? I'll write the pros and the cons down here, and that might help. Pros - I am i...
A. 12 June 2010: OP, I saw your update right now. Sorry to hear you are not going. I don't want to put you against your family but I invite you to reconsider,you are really too old to make choices in your life based on whether granpa and granma willl be happy ! You ... (read in full...)
I just found out my boyfriend lost his virginity to another girl during our break up
Q. My boyfriend and I broke up. He got with another girl and he lost his virginity with her. But then we got back together four months ago and I just found out he had sex with her. It hurt me really bad and I dont know how to feel about it. So do ...
A. 12 June 2010: You were broken up. He was single at the time, and free to use his body and his time doing whatever he liked.
I am not saying that you cannot feel jealous ,or disappointed, or sad about what he did. Just that you cannot bitch about it. ... (read in full...)
Do I take this job or not?
Q. I'd like some advice. I'm wondering if i should go for this interview for receptionist job at a backpacker hostel in London, and take the job if they offer it to me? I'll write the pros and the cons down here, and that might help. Pros - I am i...
A. 6 June 2010: Hello Op.Glad to see you that we have "charged " you a bit,I think now wild horses could not drag you away should you get the job,lol.
Hey, why don't you and the Aussie girl take a studio or a small flat together ? More expensive than hostel, sure... (read in full...)
Do I take this job or not?
Q. I'd like some advice. I'm wondering if i should go for this interview for receptionist job at a backpacker hostel in London, and take the job if they offer it to me? I'll write the pros and the cons down here, and that might help. Pros - I am i...
A. 5 June 2010: Oh darling- you have to go. Not only because London is the most exciting place in the world ( after New York,maybe) and I bet you'll have a fantastic time there.
But because just reading your list of cons, and the kind of things you are gett... (read in full...)
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