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... Send *indyCares a private message | | | *indyCares's profile:Hi everybody. I am an Italian woman currently living in Italy but I spent many years in England and USA. I hope my English is still decent but in case it got a little rusty, please be lenient.
My age ? Let say that I am way past the stage when you cry if the boy you like takes your best friend to the prom, and young enough to remember how awful that feels.
What qualifies me to help people- well, let me show off just a bit and mention that I studied Psychology 4 years in college, and, even if then I graduated in a different subject, I never lost my interest in psychology and kept reading a lot about this subject. Yet that does not really qualify me for anything because intellectual knowledge is not the same as real life experience. So let's say I feel I can advice people because I have lived a lot, travelled a lot, met a lot of people from all backgrounds , races and religions- I have loved a lot, and I have also been dumped a lot :)
Plus, I am really fascinated with people and their stories. Not in a gossipy way. I just find that every person is a whole new world that I am excited to discover.
Right now I am single- and happily so. I realized- better late than never - that rather than waiting for Prince Charming I should first become a Princess myself. You can't love anybody unconditionally, if first you don't love yourself unconditionally, and this is what I am learning to do.
Looking forward to hear from all of you..
Ciao
Cindy |
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| Latest articles: Devastation in Italy
This question has 2 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
26 August 2016: This has got nothing to do with romance or relationships or love- maybe with love for our fellow human beings, i.e. solidariety and compassion , so I hope that the mods will publish this regardless. On August 24th a devastating eartquak...
Ten best ways for a woman to be given her walking papers.
This question has 7 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
19 August 2014: Yeah I know : ultimately love is a mystery, not an exact science. There's always an element of sheer luck, of serendipity, of magic in it. Some times you do everything right, by the book, you are the perfect gf / wife / lover .. and you still get ...
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She says she's against abortion, but has already had one in the past!
Q. Hi. I have a question with which I desperately need some help. I love my wife very much, but I have found out some information recently that troubles me. I found out, totally by accident, that my wife had an abortion before we met. The thing that ...
A. 23 July 2010: The sooner you can "man up " the better, because it seems this issue is really eating at you and if you leave it there hanging it is gonna eventually build a wall between you and your wife.
Don't approach her like a judge or an inquisitor- just... (read in full...)
She says she's against abortion, but has already had one in the past!
Q. Hi. I have a question with which I desperately need some help. I love my wife very much, but I have found out some information recently that troubles me. I found out, totally by accident, that my wife had an abortion before we met. The thing that ...
A. 29 June 2010: Thank you for your further comments and informations.
You know ?, I'd say let's give your wife the benefit of doubt. It's possible you took her comments more literally than you need ,due to this being a very sensitive issue for you. Many peop... (read in full...)
Is he being fair?
Q. Hi there, I have a problem with my bf whom I met online last year. I'm 31 and he is 43. When we met he knew I had 2 kids, 1 who is 14 and the 18mths baby. The problem I have with my bf is he does not want my daughters father to be anywhere near his ...
A. 24 June 2010: Your current bf is not only selfish, he is delusional- and to be honest I am having trouble understanding why are you even giving any consideration to his demands. No man in this world is worth giving up your child for, and particularly for such a ... (read in full...)
She says she's against abortion, but has already had one in the past!
Q. Hi. I have a question with which I desperately need some help. I love my wife very much, but I have found out some information recently that troubles me. I found out, totally by accident, that my wife had an abortion before we met. The thing that ...
A. 24 June 2010: Dear OP, you e3plained yourself very well and you raised many valid points in illustrating your position. Obviously you are entitled to your opinions anyway, and then again DC would not be the best venue for a debate about abortio9n.
All I am tryn... (read in full...)
I want to have oral sex, she doesn't, what can I do?
Q. My girlfriend and I have been dating for about 5 months now. We have a very good sex life and I've always been (and still am) extremely attracted to her. The only problem is, she won't EVER let me go down on her. I have been trying since the day ...
A. 24 June 2010: There's nothing to be shocked. Perhaps your girlfriend is shy or self conscious about hygiene, or perhaps, more simply, she just does not fancy receiving oral sex. That all your ex partners enjoyed that, it's a lucky coincidence ( or maybe a couple ... (read in full...)
Which country would you choose to live in? Germany or the US?
Q. I know this is not a relationship question, but I am just wondering which one would you choose US or Germany. I am 22yrs old and I have lived in US most of my life, but I am currently living in Germany. I have family in both countries and I think th...
A. 23 June 2010: Well,my answer is ,I am afraid, totally biased,irrational, istinctual, and unsupported by any stats or facts , but, - absolutely USA !! No doubt about it. I am totally in love with USA -and I am not even American,btw.
If there are any German f... (read in full...)
I don't want his partner and her son to move in because I want him for myself!
Q. Ok, I was having an affair with a man. I'm married. He was married for twenty something years (almost divorced) and has a non live in partner, they have been together for a few years. We were caught out by my husband. My husband and I have ag...
A. 23 June 2010: I hope there are among the Dear Cupiders a few fans of the sitcom "Friends " so they will remember the following exchange :
Monica asks Phoebe to help her with something. Phoebe answers " Oh, I'm so sorry, I would love to help you, but I just real... (read in full...)
I wonder if she is really busy or just doesn't want to go out with me
Q. MODERATOR"S NOTE: Two questions combined from same asker. first off all this girl is pretty and beautiful but when i ask her out on dates she is always busy. I understand that she is in sports and a lot of more things but im starting to get the feel...
A. 23 June 2010: Unfortunately I think she is not just too busy.
When someone says they don't know when they 'll stop being busy, it means they have no intention to make time for you and if peole are interested they make time for you at the first chance they get,... (read in full...)
I'm 16 and allowed to date older guys, but how do I explain to people like my family he's 28?!
Q. I really need some help!! I've fallen for a 28 year old guy and i'm 16. i've liked him since we were 14 and we joked we would get together. now im 16 I really want to date him and get to know him as a boyfriend. He's fine with it, its just I'm ...
A. 23 June 2010: A family friend ?....I wonder exactly how friendly your family will be to him once he has involoved you in a sexual relationship. ( That it's legal it does not mean that it's also a great idea and that your parents have to like it ).
The fact that... (read in full...)
Falsely accused of stalking my ex...
Q. Ok so this is going to be long i apologize in advance. So recently i messaged my ex boyfriend who i hadnt seen in 10 mos. I basically told him i was upset about the way things ended and i wanted to see him and talk a little bit to kind clear up why ...
A. 23 June 2010: The only way out of this stand off is the one you are probably unwilling to take : just shrug, say " too bad " and move on with your life.
Beam sounds like an idiot, ok, but I must say you sort of called upon yourself the recent developments. Why ... (read in full...)
Do women worry about their parts the way men worry about theirs?
Q. I love the female form. There are so many variations of the female genitalia. What is the reason some women's labia majoria is hidden and others are larger and seem to hang out. Secondly, do women get hung up on there vaginas like men do with ...
A. 23 June 2010: Doodle4.everybody is different and everybody has different experiences, so I am not belittling yours...but it is surely an unusual one.
Personally, I have never given half a thought to this issue in my life and it never came up in conv... (read in full...)
Why did my ex-boyfriend do this to me?
Q. I need to get this off my chest and apologise for the write up. My boyfriend broke up with me almost 4 months ago and disconnected his number 2 days later. He has never contacted me since. The story is way too long but here is some. He has be...
A. 22 June 2010: Was it you ? No, it wasn't you. It's him being a selfish,immature jerk.
Does he think there is better out there ? Probably he did. Every now and then, he goes shopping around and when he does not find the item he is looking for,comes back to old ... (read in full...)
Dating, Age, Time, and Celibacy...Recipe for being Alone Forever?
Q. I have been alone- without being on a single date- since 1997. When I was younger, out of college I worked 8 years, 7 days a week, year round, 10-24 hours a day. The only time I had off was extremely rare and I was normally mentally exhaust...
A. 22 June 2010: I am wary writing this because I feel, anyway I phrase it, it will come out as if I am putting you down or questioning your worth. So,Op, just take my word for that : no, I have no intention of doing anything similar. I am just tryng to be sensible ... (read in full...)
Is it wrong not to tell someone you plan to sleep with?
Q. how wrong is it to not tell someone you're going to sleep with that you have genital warts? i mean is it that big of a deal?...
A. 22 June 2010: Excuse me darling ,but... are you- temporarily I hope- out of your mind ? Genital warts are highly infectious, and yes, it is a very big deal . A humongtous deal !
Nobody would blame you for having unknowingly being infected, but knowingly pass... (read in full...)
Being with him is killing my self-esteem, with an excuse for everything I don't know what's going on here?
Q. I've been with my boyfriend for over 3 years. I'm 21 and he is 27. For the past year he hasn't been wanting sex as much as usual. I know that sounds common but he is a very sexually active person and we went from having sex almost every day to once ...
A. 22 June 2010: This man is a buffoon, and, forgive me but, while being fooled by someone who is crafty and astute has no negative reflection on you, being fooled by such a two bits player
says that you are not using properly your little gray cells right now.... (read in full...)
She says she's against abortion, but has already had one in the past!
Q. Hi. I have a question with which I desperately need some help. I love my wife very much, but I have found out some information recently that troubles me. I found out, totally by accident, that my wife had an abortion before we met. The thing that ...
A. 22 June 2010: C.Grant stole my words. I was gonna say that is very easy to be pro or against something in theory,on moral or conceptual grounds. But you reallly don't know the impact that is gonna have personally in your life until it has happened to you and you ... (read in full...)
Is it ok to want other men to find you attractive if you are in a relationship?
Q. My boyfriend and I are best friends and we are very open with each other. He has told me on a few occasions that his friends think im beautiful. I am very flattered by this. The truth is although I love my boyfriend very much and would never ...
A. 21 June 2010: I thought all women felt the same ! Who is who wants to look unattractive after all ? Around men, around women, around hermaphrodites...perhaps it's nature, perhaps it's culture...anyway it just feels good looking good, doesn't it, Bunny Tee ?:) ... (read in full...)
Problem bonding with my newborn son...
Q. Well I had my 2nd baby nearly 4 months ago now. My oldest is nearly two. the problem is i'm worried I havn't bonded properly with my newborn. I think part of it was to do with the fact that all through my pregnancy I was told i ws havng a girl - and ...
A. 21 June 2010: My son is 20...and I am not sure I have properly bonded with him YET,lol!
Honey, give yourself a break. You gave birth 4 months ago, your hormones are still quite off kilter, that's just baby blues. A colicky baby (mine was too ) makes you feel... (read in full...)
How do I make my husband want to have sex?
Q. Hey every one ........... Need a lil advice on how to make my husband want to have sex with me. its bin 2 months now that i try to make the moves on him and he rejects them ive gone as far as going oral and he brushes me away by saying oo babe c...
A. 21 June 2010: I hate being the bad guy here,but, if he can get an erection, he is healthy,he is young, he is fit , he is not under stress, he is not cheating, and in the past had a normal sex drive,...the only other thing I can think of is that he is not ... (read in full...)
Should I move on or let him take his time?
Q. I NEED support + help! i am so in love and well alright well first of: he broke up with me and told me that he thinks he's hurting me too much and that i lie alot just because i dont want to talk about my past...second he tells me that he wants to ...
A. 21 June 2010: You are fooling yourself. Until you keep contact with him and run answering his texts, nothing will change and you will not move on.
You want to stay "friends "? why ? What for ? He said - in very clear words that he does not care about your frie... (read in full...)
Why do women fake being pregnant?
Q. Why do women fake being pregnant. Twice in my life (not now) I've had girl fake that they are pregnant with my child. I've called them out each time. One was normal girl, who I would never expect that behavior from. She was a fling of sorts but a ...
A. 21 June 2010: OP,"why women fake being pregnant "?... That's like asking
"why women hit their husbands with a hammer " or "why women run away with the pastor of their curch " :).
Not all women do that. Not most. Not many. Just a very scant minority .
I hav... (read in full...)
Farewell from an aunt
Q. After being an aunt on this wonderful site for well over 5 years, I've decided to finally see the writing on the wall and call it quits. I truly gave it my best shot and spoke the truth as I know it to be. I will always treasure my time here and the ...
A. 21 June 2010: Too bad, Eyeswideopen. I am rather new to DearCupid but I had the time to see and appreciate your excellent contribution here.
Good luck.... (read in full...)
I know I should leave him, but how can I do it?
Q. Dear Cupid, I don't know what to do with my relationship. I don't feel i am getting my emotional needs filled at all. He seems very selfish to me a lot of the time. Sex is very very one sided. I don't think i can come and i never have so far...
A. 21 June 2010: Things are what they are.
Your bf would be perfect for you- if he were all different, it's what you are saying :). But he is not. He is who he is and he acts the way he acts, at least for now.
Drug addicts could be reliable family men and law abid... (read in full...)
Do men ever fall in love with their booty calls?
Q. Do guys ever actually like their "booty calls"? Or even fall in love with them?...
A. 21 June 2010: Not impossible,but very improbable.
The very fact of casting somebody in the role of booty call means that the man has already pre-determined she is not girlfriend material and she does not quite make the grade as for looks or personality.... (read in full...)
How do you get better at sex?
Q. well me and my boyfriend had sex for the first time and it was okay but he is kinda taller than me and kinda bigger than me and he is a good guy but my question is How do u make sex better the second time because i get horny around him and its hard ...
A. 21 June 2010: I did not get what went wrong the first time.
You talk about his height but I don't know that height difference may be a problem ( I am 5'3" and my parners have all beeen 6' and more, and that was never a problem).
Anyway in general what you need... (read in full...)
She won't have sex with me!
Q. hello, me and my girlfriend are having relationship problems and i need your advice. Me and her have been goin out for 5 months and i have been waiting for her to want a physical relationship with me but everytime we engage we only get as far as ...
A. 21 June 2010: She is not rejecting you,she is rejecting the idea of doing physical acts for which she is not ready yet. Which is not strange since you have only being dating 5 months and supposedly she is around your age -very young.
If you care about her, you'... (read in full...)
She won't do any more physical stuff with me!
Q. Hey everyone, My girlfriend and i have a pretty physical relationship but of course it has died down some. I made it very romantic for her one time and since we both are completely free from our parents sometimes we have to go to the back of the c...
A. 21 June 2010: Maybe she just does not like having sex in the back of a car. I can't say I blame her :).... (read in full...)
Why might a virgin not bleed?
Q. I am a girl of 19yrs,i meet a boy of 29yrs whom i hv being dating for 2years.recently he has being making life unbearable 4 me because there was no spill of blood or pains as he was the first man i ever had sexual intercourse with.so,what causes a ...
A. 20 June 2010: About 20 percent of women do not bleed at defloration ( first time penetration ) That is because their hymen ( the membrane that protects the vaginal orifice ) is so elastic that yields without breaking,or so thin that tears at the slightest ... (read in full...)
Is he using me? He tries to force me to be in the mood for sex when I am not and we never make love.
Q. Ive been having this feeling for a long time now. i have no idea what it is or where its coming from but its really bothering me. for starters, im in a relationship with a guy that ive been with for a year now... and we are sexually active ...
A. 20 June 2010: I am sorry,darling,the way you put it,it really sounds like he is much more interested in the sexual act per se than in you as a person. I don't think that he purposely wants to be a user or a selfish pig, maybe he's just too immature for the kind ... (read in full...)
Do you think the sex problem could be part of the reason he didn't stay?
Q. My boyfriend has been sleeping over every Saturday for the past 4 months. This is embarrasing, but I have a lot of difficulty having an orgasm. I don't know why. I am fine with it not happening for me, but he always insists on making sure it does. ...
A. 20 June 2010: Don't overthink things. If your relationship is generally good and you have noticed no other signs of he distancing himself, that he did not stay does not mean anything in particular. Maybe he was really not feeling good. Maybe he wa tired and ... (read in full...)
Are all men carrying sexual baggage like this?
Q. I have been together with him for about eight years now. For almost seven of those years I did not know how to have an orgasm through penetration alone because I was a virgin when we met and did not have sexual experience. We had to use my hands ...
A. 20 June 2010: Op, I think you are focusing on the symptoms more than on the illness itself,so to speak.
Sex problems can be fixed. There are sex therapist. There are books about improving sexual communication and sexual skills. There are hundreds of diff... (read in full...)
Do girls find muscles attractive?
Q. do girls find muscles attractive? cuz when ever i go out with a couple of my buddies who work out, i always find girls checking them out, so yeah.. what do you girls find attractive?...
A. 20 June 2010: Not all women. In fact I have got the feeling that muscles impress more other men,than women.
Now, a slim and toned body- a swimmer's build, or a fencer's build- that's another story.
But musclemen, with biceps the size of a girl's thigh ?...Than... (read in full...)
Why can't I gain weight?
Q. Hey. I haven’t put any weight on since I started my period – that was aged 12. I’m 18 now. I’m 5’2 and barely weigh 7 stone. I’m not happy with my figure. I want to put weight on and I wish I was curvier. I don’t think I’ve grown at all since about ...
A. 19 June 2010: If I have not completely meesed up converting the stones in Kg. ( that's possible :) you are just very slightly underweight. You are around 47 kg.,right ? For your age and height, the ideal weight is between 48.5 and 53.5 Kg.
So,no big deal- You ... (read in full...)
He doesn't care how I feel about him!
Q. ive been seeing guy for 2mouths and all he wanted from me was sex,he use to call and text me everyday but not any more. i gave him sex a few times because i really like him but he doesnt like me at all. he told one of my friends that he only wanted ...
A. 19 June 2010: Because he does not care. He told you. He told your friends. Whether you are hurt,or sad, or happy is not his problem.
You can't reasonably stay in this situation- and complain about it, because you know how it's gonna be. It's just casual sex.... (read in full...)
Why would a married man make it very obvious he is attracted to you, create sexual tension, but never say anything?
Q. All married guys out there, I need some help please! I have become very attracted to a man I have known for some time. He is married (I am divorced) and I gather his marriage is not too good lately. I know he has had an infatuation, or massive c...
A. 19 June 2010: he is already being cruel and disrespectful to his wife, by flirting and having some sort of emotional affair with another woman while he is still married. So why should not he be crueland disrespectfulo to other wo9men with whom after all he has ... (read in full...)
The man I'm in love with is married!
Q. I work with a close friend who has fallen in love with me. He told other co-workers, who told me, but I pretend not to know. However, this man is married. He has only been married for two years and they have no children. I have known him this whole ...
A. 19 June 2010: So,basically this guy two years ago vowed till death do part us,- and after two years he is already sick and tired of the scenario. Very reliable guy.
He is not leaving his wife though because he has not a replacement ready. If you tell him that... (read in full...)
Is he lying just so he can use me?
Q. I feel so stuck! My boyfriend broke up with me about a week ago because he lives too far away, I have my hsc and he has uni. He says at first he wants to go on a break for the remaining 6 months of my hsc, we are so different, etc (yet he could ...
A. 19 June 2010: Of cours he wants you to be his FWB- or a booty call,in fact. Never mind the words ( he is also prone to contraddicting himself often, so his words do not matter much anyway). His actions scream booty call.
I don't know for what reason you have hope... (read in full...)
Why does she essentially require that I have an erection during oral sex?
Q. My fiance and I have a pretty good sex life but it's not without some quirks. I've always enjoyed giving her oral sex. She claims that I'm the first who has been able to bring her to orgasm this way. The problem is that she essentially requ...
A. 18 June 2010: I don't know, guys... I don't mean at all to be confrontational, but I am getting a bit confused here..
You make it sound as if an erection were some sort of frail exotic flower that can only bloom in special conditions... or some elusive crea... (read in full...)
Why does she essentially require that I have an erection during oral sex?
Q. My fiance and I have a pretty good sex life but it's not without some quirks. I've always enjoyed giving her oral sex. She claims that I'm the first who has been able to bring her to orgasm this way. The problem is that she essentially requ...
A. 18 June 2010: Person12345, ..standby mode ?... It's hard to be erecet for a long time ??
Maybe in Camnada,LOL - Could be the weather.
Sorry Person- I am just kidding . Don't get mad ok ?:)
Although, I AM grateful that a merciful fate , or some minor Divini... (read in full...)
Why does she essentially require that I have an erection during oral sex?
Q. My fiance and I have a pretty good sex life but it's not without some quirks. I've always enjoyed giving her oral sex. She claims that I'm the first who has been able to bring her to orgasm this way. The problem is that she essentially requ...
A. 18 June 2010: It may not be reasonable, but that's what happens and there is very little that's reasonable about sex :)
Reasonable or not, I can totally relate to your gf. It would totally turn me off and spoil the mood if I had to lay there being indu... (read in full...)
My boyfriend broke up with me! How can I get him back?
Q. dear cupid, my boyfriend just broke up with me because of my past. he has been getting mad about the apst like ALL the time. but he says to me and others how he loves me and that he wont break up with me due to the past. well today he went out and ...
A. 18 June 2010: Sorry, I agree with Jmtmj- I feel that anybody who would help you to win him back would be wronging you. Getting him back ??? Thank your Guardian Angel instead that you got rid of him : the guy sounds like a maniac !!... (read in full...)
About to get married and still unsure!!!
Q. Dear Cupid, I'm engaged and getting married to my girlfriend of six years in about a month. However, her behavior in the past six months have really worried me. One personality trait that I have always despised all my life is close mindedness...
A. 18 June 2010: If you have found the ideal girl who is perfect for you, kind and giving- and you question your relationship because she has one character flaw- then you are the closeminded one !
What do you expect , perfection ? Total irreproachability ?
Those... (read in full...)
What do people think of the 'Rubber Band Theory'?
Q. This is for both for both guys and girls. Be good to hear both points of view. Do you believe in the Rubber Band Theory that men need to pull back after intimacy? How do guys feel during this period of needing Space? ...
A. 17 June 2010: No, I don't believe it. People do not "need " to do absolutely anything, except breathing, and ingesting enough liquids and food to stay alive. Anything else, they do it because they want,
Therefore, if I should find a man that wants (not "nee... (read in full...)
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