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... Send *indyCares a private message | | | *indyCares's profile:Hi everybody. I am an Italian woman currently living in Italy but I spent many years in England and USA. I hope my English is still decent but in case it got a little rusty, please be lenient.
My age ? Let say that I am way past the stage when you cry if the boy you like takes your best friend to the prom, and young enough to remember how awful that feels.
What qualifies me to help people- well, let me show off just a bit and mention that I studied Psychology 4 years in college, and, even if then I graduated in a different subject, I never lost my interest in psychology and kept reading a lot about this subject. Yet that does not really qualify me for anything because intellectual knowledge is not the same as real life experience. So let's say I feel I can advice people because I have lived a lot, travelled a lot, met a lot of people from all backgrounds , races and religions- I have loved a lot, and I have also been dumped a lot :)
Plus, I am really fascinated with people and their stories. Not in a gossipy way. I just find that every person is a whole new world that I am excited to discover.
Right now I am single- and happily so. I realized- better late than never - that rather than waiting for Prince Charming I should first become a Princess myself. You can't love anybody unconditionally, if first you don't love yourself unconditionally, and this is what I am learning to do.
Looking forward to hear from all of you..
Ciao
Cindy |
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| Latest articles: Devastation in Italy
This question has 2 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
26 August 2016: This has got nothing to do with romance or relationships or love- maybe with love for our fellow human beings, i.e. solidariety and compassion , so I hope that the mods will publish this regardless. On August 24th a devastating eartquak...
Ten best ways for a woman to be given her walking papers.
This question has 7 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
19 August 2014: Yeah I know : ultimately love is a mystery, not an exact science. There's always an element of sheer luck, of serendipity, of magic in it. Some times you do everything right, by the book, you are the perfect gf / wife / lover .. and you still get ...
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In love with a married man and not sure what to believe!
Q. Hi, I'm in love with a married man and i need to spell it out! At first i didn't know he was married. we dated for 6 months and then i found out he was married. At that time I couldn't even suspect that he was married since he was spending al...
A. 21 July 2010: Outsmart him and cut him off from your life.... (read in full...)
Is it better to have someone perfect who feels "wrong" or someone imperfect who feels "right?"
Q. what would you rather have: someone who satisfies and anticipates your every need, but feels "wrong" or someone who makes mistakes and is oblivious to your wants, but feels "right"?...
A. 19 July 2010: So if the one who feels right is oblivious to your needs and he is also not attractive, ...what's so right about him ??... (read in full...)
I'm worried I might be "too strict" in my morals concerning virginity, what should I do?
Q. In this day and age, I know it's rare to find virgins, and it's even rarer to find someone willing to tell the truth about their virginity. I am an 18 year old female, who's a firm believer in keeping abstinence until marriage with the right person. ...
A. 19 July 2010: If you believe strongly in something, you don't change your mind because the majority of people around you does not share your ideas.
If you are a true Catholic, you do not convert to Islam just because you go live in an Arab country. If you hate... (read in full...)
How can I make him understand my way of expressing emotion?
Q. Recently, i had a miscarriage and loss my babies(multiple birth). my fiance and i are pretty devastated(ive had over 8 miscarriages my entire life). when it comes to expressing how we feel we r total opposites. he tries to stay calm and positive by ...
A. 19 July 2010: Typo - in my second sentence I meant "much LESS understandable and acceptable is your acting out "... (read in full...)
How can I make him understand my way of expressing emotion?
Q. Recently, i had a miscarriage and loss my babies(multiple birth). my fiance and i are pretty devastated(ive had over 8 miscarriages my entire life). when it comes to expressing how we feel we r total opposites. he tries to stay calm and positive by ...
A. 19 July 2010: Actually the problem is not so much getting him to respect the way you express your feeling as changing this way in something healthier. I know that you feel angry and frustrated , and this is understandable, much understandable and acceptable is ... (read in full...)
Is it possible to win someone's love by showing your love for them?
Q. I'm in a love with a woman who is not in love with me. She doesn't even like me enough to date me. We are only friends. Is it possible that a woman's heart can change for a man if she continually sees that he genuinely loves her and is there for...
A. 19 July 2010: I am not totally sure about that,but I'd be inclined to say no.
Love is in great part irrational. If there's no spark there's no spark. You can't manifacture chemistry.
By showing her your constant devotion and treating her like a princess... (read in full...)
Is it better to have someone perfect who feels "wrong" or someone imperfect who feels "right?"
Q. what would you rather have: someone who satisfies and anticipates your every need, but feels "wrong" or someone who makes mistakes and is oblivious to your wants, but feels "right"?...
A. 19 July 2010: Neither one !
The one that feels "wrong"... well, if he feels wrong you cannot force yourself to love him, no matter how caring and considerate he is.
And the one who feels "right "...aw come on, how can possibly someone who is oblivious to your ... (read in full...)
I asked my friend to have sex with me as a joke. Now what should I do if he calls me for it?
Q. I was discussing with a dear friend why his relationship is not going to the next level. He is not having sex with his girlfriend. we were sitting together and i asked him what would he do if i offer to sleep with him. He said, if u are serious ...
A. 18 July 2010: If you mean about the OP's situation... you just said it ( and I think you are right . Also about not taking it badly if it does not work out. You win some,you lose some )
If you mean in general...what are you thinking right now....about women may... (read in full...)
Married and still a virgin, the longer I wait the harder it gets
Q. Hi all, I have a problem with my sex life. I have now been married for four years but still a virgin. My problem is I feel afraid and so penetration never happened. We tried lots of times but failed. It is like I contract my hymen and put a pressu...
A. 18 July 2010: You might have something called vaginism ( involuntary spasms of muscles around vaginal orifice, which prevent penetration ). Go talk to an OB/GYN . Whether the cause are physical or psychological or both, it's curable.
Also, you can have your... (read in full...)
I asked my friend to have sex with me as a joke. Now what should I do if he calls me for it?
Q. I was discussing with a dear friend why his relationship is not going to the next level. He is not having sex with his girlfriend. we were sitting together and i asked him what would he do if i offer to sleep with him. He said, if u are serious ...
A. 18 July 2010: It seems Madame Cindycares and her magical crystal ball had accurately foreseen the outcome of the evening ... And,predictably enough, you are unable to consider that a fun one-time only experience and are wandering what happens next...
M... (read in full...)
I have to choose between my parents and my online boyfriend!
Q. Dear Cupid, Well, the situation is really complicated. I met this guy online 7 months ago and we started talking. He was a nice guy and we fell for each other and start a relationship. He lives a world apart, but we keep in touch by phone calls a...
A. 18 July 2010: Sorry to insist but I am afraid a relevant point is not clear enough to you , and it is the folllowing :
he said you can go visit him in the States and if you don't like it there, you can always go back. That's obvious, but... you only have 3 mont... (read in full...)
He says he wants a break!
Q. Dear Cupid My and my bf are in relationship for the past 6 months before that we were close friends. I am travelling for my studies for an year. My bf says since i am travelling that we need to take a break, i.e we can talk/chat/mail w...
A. 18 July 2010: What your BF says may make sense,I guess, LDRs are not for everybody. Yet,personally, if it were me it would not go down well. No, my dear ( I'd say ) - you want it too easy; if I am worth something to you, you 'll be able to make adjustments and ... (read in full...)
She keeps betraying my trust, what should I do?
Q. So here's the situation. I've liked this girl for as long as I've known her, I never asked her out cuz I though she was married or dating someone which I was correct. She was dating this guy for like two years and one night we met at the club...
A. 18 July 2010: Listen to your head .Listen to your guts. Listen to the younger friends.
This woman has shown to be totally unreliable,and you cannot trust her even to give you the correct time od the day . I believe in giving people a second chance, but in your... (read in full...)
I have to choose between my parents and my online boyfriend!
Q. Dear Cupid, Well, the situation is really complicated. I met this guy online 7 months ago and we started talking. He was a nice guy and we fell for each other and start a relationship. He lives a world apart, but we keep in touch by phone calls a...
A. 18 July 2010: He SAYS the reason he sold his house was because he wants to start a new life with you.
How do you know this is true ? He gave a you a fake age and a fake pic, maybe he also gave you a fake reason- maybe he sold his house because he is full of d... (read in full...)
Question on becoming a better agony aunt
Q. Need advice to become a better agony aunt :P didnt feel it belonged asked in the question section since its not a relationship question. Lately, more and more questions are coming to my inbox. I've had everything from dating problems to marr...
A. 18 July 2010: You are a very responsible and scrupolous young Uncle, congratulations.
In my mind, anyway, it's always a question of "buyers beware ".
I too get several PMs and at times it's even moving seeing how people trust me to indicate a solution... (read in full...)
I asked my friend to have sex with me as a joke. Now what should I do if he calls me for it?
Q. I was discussing with a dear friend why his relationship is not going to the next level. He is not having sex with his girlfriend. we were sitting together and i asked him what would he do if i offer to sleep with him. He said, if u are serious ...
A. 17 July 2010: No ,you don't "have to " go there tonight and explain him.
He is not gonna sue you for breach of contract , is he ?
You could very easily have done all the explaining by phone. There was not much to explain. You could have said that you were act... (read in full...)
In love with a classmate who already declined me..
Q. Hi i'm 19 and seeing this girl in class, she's 17, hot and i cant stop looking at her and she likes staring at me too.But the problem is that last year i opened up 2 her and told her how much i love her but she told me that she has a boy friend n ...
A. 17 July 2010: One thing you forgot to tell us is if she still has a boyfriend. Because if she don't- she is apparently giving you green light and you might as well try your luck . If she still has a boyfriend- then let her be, she is probably only flirting and ... (read in full...)
I have to choose between my parents and my online boyfriend!
Q. Dear Cupid, Well, the situation is really complicated. I met this guy online 7 months ago and we started talking. He was a nice guy and we fell for each other and start a relationship. He lives a world apart, but we keep in touch by phone calls a...
A. 17 July 2010: He is possessive,short-tempered,a liar, you only knew him 7 months ago, in fact you don't really know him because you never met, and you want to uproot yourself to go reach him in a place where you have no friends and no support system ?.... I am ... (read in full...)
Why do you men act like this the morning after?
Q. I am so sad. This is what happened yesterday. I am traveling now, in a small town, where i only know one person. He took me out to this upscale place. We are just friends, i know him for 15 years, so when we are out we can do whatever we want. ...
A. 17 July 2010: For once I have to totally agree with the male posters.
The one night stand package deal does not include things like tenderness, pleasant conversation, friendliness or lovingkindness once the deed is done. You MIGHT find some guys who throw thes... (read in full...)
How can I fix things between us and kick this other girl to the curb?
Q. so ive been with my boyfrined, Scott for over 4 months... im always worried about him cheating, but its never really bugged me, cause i never thought hed do it, well there was this girl Bella, that i askedt o him to stop talking to, he did, and then ...
A. 17 July 2010: The story is a bit complicated but the last question is easy to answer.
Why he'd spend time dealing with you if he had her :
because there are a lot of people, but really a lot,who believe in eating their cake and keeping it too.... (read in full...)
What does he want from me relationship wise?
Q. I liked this guy back in february and we had talked for 2 weeks. when i discovered he had a girlfriend we stopped talking . In april we reconnected through facebook and started to talk again since he was single for over a month now. he seems ...
A. 17 July 2010: It is not really a matter of reassurance or trust issues-
if you are expected to think, talk and act as if you were his girlfriend, ...then you are actually his girlfriend and I don't see the need for unofficiality.
Again, a bit of caution ... (read in full...)
Women are psycho???
Q. Men are all the time saying that women are crazy and psycho, but are they unaware that their behavior or certain acts on their part often times is what stimulates women to act irrationally? ...
A. 17 July 2010: I don't agree. There are men or persons in general that test your limits even cruelly, but nobody will "make you " act crazy. We have the responsibility for our actions ,and our reactions. Part of this responsibility consists in learning to ... (read in full...)
What to do... who to choose???
Q. I have this problem here. Actually a few, but they all mend together somehow. Here it goes: I got accepted to school in Fall and I have no idea if I should go. I have a boyfriend here at home and I take us really seriously, and he does I the same ...
A. 17 July 2010: Not very seriously. But it's for the best. So you can go to school ,that in the greater scheme of things is more important.
Boyfriends are plentiful but good jobs are hard to come by and you need to get all the qualifications you can to secu... (read in full...)
What does he want from me relationship wise?
Q. I liked this guy back in february and we had talked for 2 weeks. when i discovered he had a girlfriend we stopped talking . In april we reconnected through facebook and started to talk again since he was single for over a month now. he seems ...
A. 16 July 2010: I am not gonna say he is intentionally playing you,- but surely he is being rather elusive. Or else, his interest in you is only moderate.
For instance : is this a LDR ? If not, why in 2 months of talking you only met 3 times ? And why this relu... (read in full...)
Why does my hubby want me to lick, finger, and penetrate his arse. Does this mean he is gay or bi?
Q. "OP Own Title" Why does my husband want me to play with his butt so much? He always wants me to touch it, finger it, even lick it. He is often putting it in my face during 69. I don't particularly like it, but do it sometimes when I am drunk or ...
A. 16 July 2010: If you have a nice pussy why do you say you are a male between 36 and 40 ?... (read in full...)
Dr. sent me home to rest I was very ill but b/f went out and left me alone and didn't even check up on me!
Q. I just want some opinions on whether I have the right to be annoyed with my boyfriend or whether I am being a typical girl and overreacting. Ive been with my partner for almost 3 years and we live together and are both in our mid twenties. The ot...
A. 16 July 2010: Yes, I think you are right to be annoyed. It does not matter if you were sleeping, or if you did not after all require any assistence.
What matters is that the doctors had said you should NOT be left alone as a precaution, and your boyfriend had ... (read in full...)
In love with a married man and not sure what to believe!
Q. Hi, I'm in love with a married man and i need to spell it out! At first i didn't know he was married. we dated for 6 months and then i found out he was married. At that time I couldn't even suspect that he was married since he was spending al...
A. 15 July 2010: Hey Q- you are a genius , ( or probably you speak better English than I :)- You said in few words what I really was struggling to explain.
If the wedding is recorded at the county clerk's office - then he can divorce ,( he'll be a sinner for his ... (read in full...)
In love with a married man and not sure what to believe!
Q. Hi, I'm in love with a married man and i need to spell it out! At first i didn't know he was married. we dated for 6 months and then i found out he was married. At that time I couldn't even suspect that he was married since he was spending al...
A. 15 July 2010: You know what Q ? You are just being funny , but here we DO have a choco-chestnut spread that is called precisely Maronite. No disrespect meant , just quirks of the language.... (read in full...)
In love with a married man and not sure what to believe!
Q. Hi, I'm in love with a married man and i need to spell it out! At first i didn't know he was married. we dated for 6 months and then i found out he was married. At that time I couldn't even suspect that he was married since he was spending al...
A. 15 July 2010: No sorry, maybe I am being stubborn but I still think there is some confusion between religion and law.
- Maronite church is in formal communion with Roman Catholic Church since 1182 ! and it is the only Eastern Christian Church to be entirely Cath... (read in full...)
Is he lying when he says he no longer loves me...?
Q. Me and my ex boyfriend dated for almost two years. We broke up officially four months ago, but really just lost contact about two months ago. He moved out of his house and into a house with a friend who I'm not too fond of because I don't think he's ...
A. 15 July 2010: Why should he be lying ? If he wanted to be with you again, he would try to win you back, not to keep you at a distance. He would not change his phone no., he would not turn your invitations down.
He may still be fond of you- but now without you ... (read in full...)
I feel there is no humanly possible way to keep her satisfied and help her!
Q. Hello, I am new to this site and joined it because well, I feel like I no longer have anyone else. I can't talk to anyone about how I feel or what is going on in my life. Especially my love life. I have been going out this this girl for about a ...
A. 15 July 2010: It's a good thing you can talk and communicate. Yet, as they say, "talk is cheap "- people keep rehashing the some stuff and nothing ever changes. Change needs action. Not talk.
You say she realized you are not her parent , just her boyf... (read in full...)
Is there any way to get my ex to talk to me again?
Q. so currently i feel like crawling into a hole and never coming out... i feel like i've stuffed everything up and there's no way in hell it's ever going to be fixed. i got dumped, by text and with no explanation by the first guy i've ever actual...
A. 15 July 2010: I am always a bit puzzled when I hear of people who cling nails and teeth to friendship ( or the hope of friendship ) with their exes...
Supposing what you want from him can happen, what would the practical purpose be ?..
In fact, first of... (read in full...)
Why do nice guys end up last?
Q. Hello ladies, I have a really deep question which I'm having trouble getting the answers. I'm currently 26, and I've had over 30 Relationships failed, I never gave up but I keep asking myself why. My friend (who is a gal) says that I'm "Too Nice", ...
A. 15 July 2010: I don't know if with over 30 relationships by the age of 26 you fully qualify for stereotypical Nice Guy... It sounds to me that you have been around enough for being at least half naughty half nice...:)... (read in full...)
In love with a married man and not sure what to believe!
Q. Hi, I'm in love with a married man and i need to spell it out! At first i didn't know he was married. we dated for 6 months and then i found out he was married. At that time I couldn't even suspect that he was married since he was spending al...
A. 15 July 2010: Things take time because it was a religious marriage ?..
What's that supposed to mean. Divorce puts an ends to the civil effects of marriage,not the religious ones. Therefore it takes exactly the same amount of time terminating a marriage that has ... (read in full...)
She found a sexual text I had sent to another woman, how do I reassure her it means nothing?
Q. OK I have a situation. I've been seeing my girlfriend for about three months. I screwed up in the beginning by sending a sexual message to another woman. I didn't put much thought into the statement. Well anyway she seen it. How can I reassure her ...
A. 14 July 2010: What do you mean. "it means nothing " ?
Everything in life means something...
In this case, sending sexual texts to another girl means a) that your girlfriend cannot trust you not to do things behind her back b) that you have not even been 3 m... (read in full...)
I feel there is no humanly possible way to keep her satisfied and help her!
Q. Hello, I am new to this site and joined it because well, I feel like I no longer have anyone else. I can't talk to anyone about how I feel or what is going on in my life. Especially my love life. I have been going out this this girl for about a ...
A. 14 July 2010: What is an exploitative relationship ? Yours. Yours is the "poster child " of exploiative relationships. A relationship in which you are taken advantage of, mercilessly used, and appreciated more ( or only ) for what you can give than for what you ... (read in full...)
He told me he thinks we should break up!
Q. I started dating my best friend a while ago. It was suppose to be a rebound sort of thing, the two of us helping each other move on from a bad breakup from our past relationship but down the road, we fell for each other. I pretty much fell in love ...
A. 14 July 2010: Call me cynical, call me jaded- ...but when they start with the "you deserve better than me "....that usually means they think THEY deserve better than you, and they have found that already or have started searching. Come on, nobody is so generous ... (read in full...)
Even after we had broken up and his new girlfriend fell pregnant, we were still having sex. Now he won't speak to me!
Q. Hey,i have an ex bf who i was with for 1 year,i broke up with him,after about a month after we had broken up he got a girl pregnant. during the time he was with her we was still having sex. i thought that would make him cum back to me. no all of a ...
A. 14 July 2010: You should get out of their way and let them be. You were broken up already, and you were just having sex together. Surely you can find some other guy who is not a soon-to-be dad to have sex with , can't you ?... (read in full...)
I think I am too young to have a baby but I believe everything happens for a reason, so maybe this baby is meant to be?
Q. Please help, we really need advice... My fiance and I are getting married next year and we live together right now. In May we had unprotected sex and he finished inside me. The next day in the afternoon I took Plan B, so it was in the time ...
A. 13 July 2010: To me it sounds like deep down you have already decided against abortion.
When we start seeing "signs " we are generally reading a neutral event in a sense that may support or reinforce pre-existing ideas and decisions.
Example : you could no... (read in full...)
He broke up with me since he liked someone else too but he says he still wants to be with me as well!
Q. I am a teenager and i was dating this guy i really liked. i met him a year ago and we were friends, we talked and stuff. so a couple months ago he finally asked me out because he trusted i wouldnt cheat on him since we lived a little ways away from ...
A. 13 July 2010: Sweetheart, what advice can we possibly give you- other than telling him to go jump in the lake ?
You guys are so young and are totally forgivable for making such a waste and a parody of important words like "love " and "forever"... but this is n... (read in full...)
A question of condoms...
Q. hey i had a question and i was hoping you could help if a guy has a condom on and it doesnt break could she still get pregnant. ...
A. 13 July 2010: Excellent , very sensible advice, Chigirl. I agree. I hope also our young OP realizes it is very sound advice.... (read in full...)
My boyfriend loves his 11yr old daughter more than me!
Q. [Mod note: Two questions by the same poster have been combined into one.] My Boyfriend is 35, i am 23 we have known each other for 7 years and have only got together 7 months ago. We have been in our own apartment for 2 months. He has a 11 yr old d...
A. 13 July 2010: No,sorry, I guess you can't help feeling what you feel, but I am not surprised we have a hard time sharing your pain. It's like you want to go against the facts of life ,how life works. It is NORMAL that he loves his 11 year daughter more than a ... (read in full...)
I'm worried he'll disappear, based on my past relationships! How do I reassure myself everything's fine?
Q. I've been dating this guy for almost a month.We have a great time together but I keep worrying that he's gonna lose interest/disappear. Last guy I dated ending up disappearing once he got a car. I thought he liked me alot but apparently not. So now ...
A. 13 July 2010: PixieGween, I am sure the other Aunts gave you good advice ; I admit I haven't read your post with my usual thouroughness - it's too damn hot today,here in Italy !
but, I want to add a generic,maybe frivolous comment...
So you are a bit insecure... (read in full...)
A question of condoms...
Q. hey i had a question and i was hoping you could help if a guy has a condom on and it doesnt break could she still get pregnant. ...
A. 13 July 2010: Sure,Chigirl, but,like you say, even a 100percent effective pill does not protect you from STDs. That's why pill PLUS condom is your best bet until you are sure you are in a monogamous relationship with a STD free partner.
(That's a generic "you... (read in full...)
A question of condoms...
Q. hey i had a question and i was hoping you could help if a guy has a condom on and it doesnt break could she still get pregnant. ...
A. 12 July 2010: Alas, Chigirl, I am afraid Dirtball is right. The WHO (World Health Organization ) gave exactly the same statistics based on a very extensive sample of American couples. 85% efficacy for typical use and 98% for optimal use ( which means if it is ... (read in full...)
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