Like what
she writes?
... Add *indyCares to your favourite agony aunts
Want to get in touch?
... Send *indyCares a private message | | | *indyCares's profile:Hi everybody. I am an Italian woman currently living in Italy but I spent many years in England and USA. I hope my English is still decent but in case it got a little rusty, please be lenient.
My age ? Let say that I am way past the stage when you cry if the boy you like takes your best friend to the prom, and young enough to remember how awful that feels.
What qualifies me to help people- well, let me show off just a bit and mention that I studied Psychology 4 years in college, and, even if then I graduated in a different subject, I never lost my interest in psychology and kept reading a lot about this subject. Yet that does not really qualify me for anything because intellectual knowledge is not the same as real life experience. So let's say I feel I can advice people because I have lived a lot, travelled a lot, met a lot of people from all backgrounds , races and religions- I have loved a lot, and I have also been dumped a lot :)
Plus, I am really fascinated with people and their stories. Not in a gossipy way. I just find that every person is a whole new world that I am excited to discover.
Right now I am single- and happily so. I realized- better late than never - that rather than waiting for Prince Charming I should first become a Princess myself. You can't love anybody unconditionally, if first you don't love yourself unconditionally, and this is what I am learning to do.
Looking forward to hear from all of you..
Ciao
Cindy |
|
| Latest articles: Devastation in Italy
This question has 2 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
26 August 2016: This has got nothing to do with romance or relationships or love- maybe with love for our fellow human beings, i.e. solidariety and compassion , so I hope that the mods will publish this regardless. On August 24th a devastating eartquak...
Ten best ways for a woman to be given her walking papers.
This question has 7 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
19 August 2014: Yeah I know : ultimately love is a mystery, not an exact science. There's always an element of sheer luck, of serendipity, of magic in it. Some times you do everything right, by the book, you are the perfect gf / wife / lover .. and you still get ...
|
Spent a wonderful day with my BF, got emotional, missing him when I got home and parents have completely misunderstood!
Q. Hey everyone; I had a quick question for you all and I'm hoping you can help me and reassure me. This weekend was a blast. On Saturday I got to spend time with my boyfriend at nighttime. Being that it is Labor Day our family decided to go to the ...
A. 9 September 2010: Of course,OP. Your desire for establishing your independence and starting your own life is natural,healthy and positive, and hopefully it will come true pretty soon. Until then, though, try to cut your parents some slack. Chances are that , when ... (read in full...)
Spent a wonderful day with my BF, got emotional, missing him when I got home and parents have completely misunderstood!
Q. Hey everyone; I had a quick question for you all and I'm hoping you can help me and reassure me. This weekend was a blast. On Saturday I got to spend time with my boyfriend at nighttime. Being that it is Labor Day our family decided to go to the ...
A. 8 September 2010: Generational gap. Chigirl reasons as a daughter and I reason as a mother ,so please let me stubbornly insist on my version : your mom is just worried- she is afraid that you may somehow get hurt in this relationship, and she shows it in her ... (read in full...)
If you saw a 46 year old man and a 17 year old girl holding hands or kissing in public how would you react??
Q. My first love is 46, we've been seeing each other for a year now and we're both complete opposites but get on so well. We've cried together laughed together and he waited 4 months before we had sex. If you didn't know anything about the people...
A. 8 September 2010: Because a woman his age would be much more discriminating and challenging, and much less gullible and easy to impress than a teenager.
If you, 46 y.o. man, want to charm a grown up woman, have got to work much harder- with the young ones you'... (read in full...)
How can I break up with my muslim boyfriend ?
Q. How can i break up with my muslim boyfriend ? so, i have finally decided to end things and forever with him. the only problem is that my parents don't know about the 7 months relationship and if they knew they won't forgive me. so i'm afraid tha...
A. 8 September 2010: No,it's not such a good story. He might decide to come in person to talk to your parents,to show them he is a good guy and he is serious about you !
I think honesty is the best policy, why don't you just break up with him and take the resp... (read in full...)
How do I get the girl back and make my ex know its done?
Q. ok this is confusing but plz help.. so me and my ex where trying to work things out and after all the cheating she did and lies she did i dont want her back but its so hard to let her go when i say its over and she starts crying and begging and ...
A. 7 September 2010: Well,what do you expect. First just after kissing the new girl you tell her you are meeting your ex , but that will be the last time. Only, it's not really the last time because your ex wants to go to the fair with you , and, of course, you've gotta ... (read in full...)
Why? What did I do wrong?
Q. I had dated this guy that was five years younger than me, he has two kids and I have two kids, I feel like I gave him my all, he has a cheating problem, around the end of december he lefted me for other chick, however came back in february, this ...
A. 7 September 2010: I love the tactful way you express yourself. Rather than calling him a scumbag, you say he has a cheating problem. It's a bit like saying that a thief has a stealing problem.
He has no problem at all, he is probably very pleased with hims... (read in full...)
Why do men like shorter women and shy away from tall ones?
Q. I am a 5'7 3/4" female. I'm proud of that quarter inch below 8, because I hate being tall. So guys, honestly, what is the real reason why you flock to short women and pass over the tall ones? Is it because they're cuter and more fragile and make ...
A. 7 September 2010: I would not say guys pass over tall girls- they just ,some times, pass over women who are taller than them. But ,at 5'7 and 3/4", and living in USA, you should find no shortage of guys your height and over ! ... (read in full...)
Spent a wonderful day with my BF, got emotional, missing him when I got home and parents have completely misunderstood!
Q. Hey everyone; I had a quick question for you all and I'm hoping you can help me and reassure me. This weekend was a blast. On Saturday I got to spend time with my boyfriend at nighttime. Being that it is Labor Day our family decided to go to the ...
A. 7 September 2010: Your mom is just concerned . I think she understands and remembers how young love is, but obviously she does not want to see it go from love to obsession or emotional dependence. She does not want you to suffer - particularly because ( pardon me ... (read in full...)
How can I get my parents to let me stay over at this party?
Q. I'm 16 and my boyfriend is 18 and he is havin a party at his house in january for his 19th birthday. his parents will be there and all his family and only a few friends so there wont be any drunk people everywhere. My boyfriend really wants me to ...
A. 7 September 2010: What does it mean " I have met him though " ? If he is your boyfriend, of course you must have met him ! Oh wait. Don't tell me this is some LDR Internet -generated romance ? Ouch. In this case, your chances to convince your parents are close to ... (read in full...)
Is she giving me the run around because she wants to see what else is out there?
Q. My girlfriend of 7 months broke up with me about a month ago. At first she said she needed time, which made me think ok no big deal. I was still sad about it and acted like a hopeless fool, but did give her time. About a week ago she says that were ...
A. 7 September 2010: Marriedlady is right ( as usual !).
I just would add, being probably more cynical and less good-natured than Marriedlady, that IMO she does not even care a lot about you. She,like most women, does not like to work without a net. She is prob... (read in full...)
Any ideas on how to save the vacation?
Q. My friend and I have the fortune that our school year starts later so we decided to go on vacation later than the masses. Anyway, I'm currently in Dublin, in our hotel room while she's taking a shower. She's driving me crazy and I don't know wha...
A. 7 September 2010: Tell her that she got lucky, you might have insisted for London, Rome, or New York, all places that are REALLY big and crowded and hectic, compared to Dublin ! Threaten to abduct her and dump her in the middle of some seriously big place - Los ... (read in full...)
Should I end the relationship or stay with her?
Q. I've been with this sweat lovely lady almost three months long. We get along great and have fun, but recently I've become unsettled, and interested in a few people around me. I am 27 years old (she is 25 yrs old) and lives in a big city, which I’m ...
A. 7 September 2010: I see that you must be practicing a religion which believes in sowing your wild oats :). Which one is it ?
As for your list, oh my aren't we picky.
The only "con " in your list that is an actual red flag is that she is in debt. For the rest, I'... (read in full...)
Did he have other reasons for marrying me?
Q. Iam a 20yr old Mother and Wife! Ive been with my husband for 3 years married and the way we met was thru my sister and he actually already had a gf I put thing in the hands of god I didnt know he was already in a relationship!!! Well the female tht ...
A. 7 September 2010: I concur with Marriedlady.
He married you because he chose to be with you and your baby . If he had not wanted that, he could have bowed out of it and you could not have forced him to be with you.
Be serene.... (read in full...)
Should they proceed or postpone the wedding?
Q. A family member is planning to be maried in 2 months. The couple have been living together for almost 2 years - and have been engaged for about 10 months. The bride recently discovered by accident several large loans which the groom has amassed ...
A. 6 September 2010: Proceeding with the wedding ?? She should just call it off altogether !... (read in full...)
Should I settle with him?
Q. I recently just left a 10 year relationship to a man I was engaged to. We've had our ups and downs and I think I should have left earlier, I was just too comfortable and scared to do so. We now have this new house that we've both committed to and ...
A. 6 September 2010: You don't feel anything when you kiss him ,and sex with him has become a chore . And ,at 27, you are looking forward to years and years and years yet of ..chores in exchange for a comfortable lifestyle.
Honet,let me be brutal : how much money are ... (read in full...)
Did my fear of intimacy ruin the relationship...how do I fix this??
Q. So any thoughts, opinions, and advice would be greatly appreciated. I recently turned 27, and have never been in a REAL relationship, so I am very immature when it comes to certain communications and how to relate to someone else. So...I've been ...
A. 6 September 2010: Maybe it's just the jaded,world-weary part of me speaking, but I am all with your friend who says he is just an asshole.
As you said yourself, half of more of your communication had strong erotic undertones, it was about how he found you sexy etc-... (read in full...)
She gave off signals like she was single but the whole time she had a boyfriend
Q. I feel so betrayed and being used, my world fell apart from one moment to another and my heart is in pain. Not a long while ago i met this girl we had excellent eye contact and i got into a conversation with her in a really good way , then we became ...
A. 6 September 2010: What can you do , my friend. That's life. These things happen, and happen to the best of us. There are players, and there are playerettes.
Actually I don't think,though, that she was callously out to make a fool out of you , or to break your hear... (read in full...)
I made out with a guy I'm trying to get over!
Q. I made a big mistake yesterday, I made out with a guy I was trying to get over, I realize that he was recording me on his fone then he lied saying he was just texting. He then said to me that his friend wants me too, I said I'm not that type of ...
A. 6 September 2010: " I don't know if I should move on ?"... Excuse me ,but, what else are you waiting for, a public announcement on BBC that's time to move on ?...
The guy is tryng to pass you around his friends, is going with another girl half an hour after he's... (read in full...)
Do you think my ex might change when our baby is born?
Q. im 22 weeks pregnant , i was seeing a guy for a year and a half and then we brok up, I got messages from him saying he missed me and so we ended up tgether , i fell pregnant , when i told him he was so happy , always texting me and ringing and ...
A. 6 September 2010: No, he won't change when the baby is born and deep down you know it.
Because your baby is already here - it's inside your body ,not visible yet, but it exists already. Your bf,or ex bf, is already a parent, and should already act with the care... (read in full...)
Some guy kissed her
Q. guys i neeed help pleaaaase.. my girlfriend just told me a guy in her class kissed her while they were on a break.but she didnt kiss him back she said it all happened in 1 second!! they were talkin and he just kissed her :S i dont know what t...
A. 6 September 2010: If you trust her, this is what you do . You assume she told you the truth- you believe that she did not kiss the guy back and that the whole thing lasted less than one second, so that basically somebody stole her a kiss and that's no big deal.
T... (read in full...)
Should I be friend with my ex on facebook?
Q. I am attached now. And the previous guy who have betrayed me in a relationship broke up now and wanted to be just friends with me. I don't know if I should be forgiving and accept him as a friend in my facebook again?...
A. 6 September 2010: I see questions like yours quite often on DC and I am slightly puzzled. Personaly, I don't understand why people strive so much to "stay friends " with their exes.
Of course, if it means acting civil, greeting them politely when you bump into them... (read in full...)
My family want me to do a reading at a wedding next week but I'm so nervous! Help!
Q. I'm really confused. I'm going to my half brother's wedding next saturday, and one of my other brothers was supposed to do a reading, but he has backed out of it because he is too nervous and he thinks the poem sounds girly. my dad has asked me to ...
A. 5 September 2010: Don't worry. You used to read in curch, and , more importantly, you studied performing arts and performed in plays. Once an actor, always an actor - trust me.
You are just having stage fright, once you start the redaing it will go away.
Every... (read in full...)
Fear of marriage if she gets too big!
Q. I would love to marry this woman i've been seeing for over a year now , My deal is I feel like if she gets very large at some point that i may lose my physical attraction for no wanting sex, I know by all standards that is wrong, but that's how i ...
A. 4 September 2010: Aren't you a bit too pessimistic ?
Why should she necessarily become very big ?It's a bit like saying: I am afraid that if my wife becomes totally bald, I won't be attracted to her. Anything can happen, alas, but the probability is not very high... (read in full...)
How do I learn not to be distracted by boyfriends annoying habits?
Q. My question is how to to stop getting annoyed at the quirky habits people have? I can admit that I am probably an easily annoyed person, so I will assume that my boyfriends habits are totally normal, and that instead of trying to make him stop I ...
A. 4 September 2010: This behaviour get surely worse under stressing circumstances, but it can't be said for sure it is directly caused by stress, because often the stress cause ceases but the behaviour remains. It seems it may be not only a response to stress but ... (read in full...)
Tall woman with a shorter man?
Q. At 5' 11" I am a very tall woman that usually wears heels for work purposes that easily put me over 6'2. A couple of weeks ago while on my lunch break I walked over to the Book store to browse around and noticed this cute shorter guy eying the ve...
A. 4 September 2010: Do YOU like the guy ? And by that I also mean do you find him attractive, not just good at conversation ?
Yes ?
So what's your problem. Go ahead and date him. Don't tell me that you care about the judgement of "people" at large , includin... (read in full...)
How do I learn not to be distracted by boyfriends annoying habits?
Q. My question is how to to stop getting annoyed at the quirky habits people have? I can admit that I am probably an easily annoyed person, so I will assume that my boyfriends habits are totally normal, and that instead of trying to make him stop I ...
A. 4 September 2010: It's called "tricotillomania " and DSM -IV puts it under Impulse Control Disturbances.
It's a compulsive behaviour to defuse anxiety.
It is often present in person affected by OCD, and/or Dismorphic Body Disorder.
Scolding or teasing won'... (read in full...)
If you saw a 46 year old man and a 17 year old girl holding hands or kissing in public how would you react??
Q. My first love is 46, we've been seeing each other for a year now and we're both complete opposites but get on so well. We've cried together laughed together and he waited 4 months before we had sex. If you didn't know anything about the people...
A. 4 September 2010: Yes,personally I don't think it can work. Ever?...
Well, never say never,..but the odds are massively against you.
As for "socially retarded ", I am not sure to understand what exactly you mean by that.
But, now that you make me think of it,... (read in full...)
If you saw a 46 year old man and a 17 year old girl holding hands or kissing in public how would you react??
Q. My first love is 46, we've been seeing each other for a year now and we're both complete opposites but get on so well. We've cried together laughed together and he waited 4 months before we had sex. If you didn't know anything about the people...
A. 4 September 2010: I'd be sad. I'd think : what a waste. Here it is a young pretty girl of 17 ,who could kiss all the hot handsome charming young boys she wants... and instead she chooses to share her kisses with some flabby 46 y.o. male with tufts of grey hair in his ... (read in full...)
B/f broke up with me after 3 months because he didn't think he was feeling what he should be
Q. I met my boyfriend online, although we live locally to each other. We only saw each other a couple of evenings a week, but after three months he split up with me, telling me he wasn't feeling what he thought he should be feeling. I th...
A. 4 September 2010: I am afraid CaringGuy is right.
If "it" isn't there,it isn't there- the magic, the special something, the wow ! factor. That hard-to-define something that makes you want to be just with that person.
You think that ,if you only could get more "ex... (read in full...)
I have a major issue with an adult figure!
Q. I have a major issue with an adult figure. Who doesn't, except mine are my to-be in-laws... I moved in over a year ago with my bf and his parents, and after being here for 10 months things were alright. Then we went to another state and stayed...
A. 4 September 2010: Can't you and your boyfriend save as much as you can and move out as soon as you can, - so that you can shower as long as you want ?
I know you are only 19 and this is very young, but if you are old enough to go live with a man- then you are old ... (read in full...)
I don't know what this boy wants!
Q. I'm really confused about what this guy wants. Over a year ago we had a 'thing', we never actually went out we were just sort of together, but because of our schools and stuff we didn't see each other as much as we'd like but we talked loads an...
A. 4 September 2010: I just read your post today and I think that by now the situation will have evolved either positively ( you and the guy are dating ) or negatively ( you got tired waiting for him and moved on ).
I answer nonetheless because I'd like to point out ... (read in full...)
Should I confess my feelings for him?
Q. Hi everyone, So I posted a question on here a while ago, http://www.dearcupid.org/question/fallen-in-love-with-my-best-friend.html and I guess I need some more advice lol. The advice I got was really helpful, and I realised that my friend ...
A. 4 September 2010: I think you are reading too much into things. Your friend is particularly affectionate to you...when he's drunk or tipsy, which is very common booze-induced behaviour. And as for the text exchanges, to me his comments sound friendly but not openly ... (read in full...)
Is it wrong to have sex with a prostitute? I'm married.
Q. I love my wife, and have never cheated on her, and have no fantasies about doing so in the future. However, what if your wife just flat out refuses to do something that you are curious about? What if you want to experience a threesome at lea...
A. 3 September 2010: Judgemental ? Yes, I guess some of us have sounded a bit judgemental. Never a good thing,you are right- we stand corrected.
In theory,we are all here to help ,not to blame. Let me admit though that at least for me it is difficult to feel just help... (read in full...)
Has anyone actually become pregnant after the pulling out technique?
Q. Hey Me and my boyfriend have been having unprotected sex but he doesn't actually ejaculate inside me.. I've been hearing mixed comments about this as some people say it is very unlikely to get pregnant and some think it is very likely.. Has anyone ...
A. 3 September 2010: It's neither very likely nor very unlikely.
Something called "Pearl's index" calculates the percentage of women getting pregnant using the pull out method as 10 to 18 percent ( there are two different ways ,involving
different parameters, ... (read in full...)
Should I avoid the picnic my ex might be attending?
Q. I've been broken up w/my boyfriend for about a week or so and I've been invited to go to a Labor Day Picnic on Saturday. All the advise I hear is stay away and if he wants to call he will, but should I attend a party that he MIGHT be at? He has his ...
A. 3 September 2010: I'd go. Do not put your life on hold for this man ( or any man ) - just live normally, and as pleasantly as possible, whether you are single or not.
So, as you should not visit places on purpose just because he might be there ( his favourite bars... (read in full...)
My friend got broken into the other night. She's very shacken up.
Q. Hey, I need some advice please. My f friend had her home broken into last night. I live in another town, but will be going to see her tomorrow. She's been shaken up by it, but has asked me not to tell her m friend who lives, like, 10 mins away ...
A. 3 September 2010: No, I would not say anything. Your friend has expressely told you to NOT say anything to the male friend, - she is a thinking,reasoning adult, so please do her the courtesy to trust her judgement even if you do not quite share it.... (read in full...)
Am I reasonable to expect my ex to do more?
Q. Hello Aunts I would love as many unbiased views as possible please as Im am trying be remain fair but also not wear myself out completely. I am a single mother of 2 children 15 and 12 who up till now have seen their dad every other weekend, j...
A. 3 September 2010: I agree with Q1605, I would not budge an inch. Your ex did not ask your involvement or cooperation when he decided to leave you, or to move 50 miles away from his kids, or to have two more children when he had already some trouble finding time for ... (read in full...)
Will she ever leave this rocky relationship?
Q. She's in a relationship with her bf for 5 years now. These 5 years wasn't smooth for her. She has frequent verbal conflicts with him, broke up but pacthed countless times. 2 years ago, she told me her bf slapped her but still remained in this ...
A. 3 September 2010: People never really change- unless they decide on their own they want to change. But they will not change because someone else wants or asks or begs that they change ,not even if it's someone dear and near. Change only comes from within, not from ... (read in full...)
I met a guy online and then saw him in person. Should I be upset if he's seeing others?
Q. Hi all. Here’s the problem please can anyone give advice? I’m talking to a guy online for maybe 8 months, not online romantic relationship because he was with someone else but we just talked as friends. Then they split, and after a wh...
A. 3 September 2010: There's no right or wrong here, it just all comes from having different expectations. You assumed he felt the same way you did... but assuming is always a dangerous exercise and it may lead to disappointments.
You and this guy met once, went alon... (read in full...)
If a relationship switches to friendship, will it ever switch back to being a sexual relationship?
Q. I would like to pose this as a general question, to both male and female opinion/perspectives. If a relationship switches to "friendship" on the part of the guy, is there ever hope that it will switch back to sexual? Perhaps there is some kind of ...
A. 2 September 2010: Very little hope, I think. If a guy that once saw you as an erotic interest then comes to think of you as a good friend or a sister, maybe he was not so powerfully attracted to begin with, or anyway the physical spark went missing and the ... (read in full...)
He ended it, but now he wants to get back together - on HIS terms. What should I do?
Q. I've been in a long term, long-distance relationship with a guy who basically controls me. I can't do anything without him knowing, he HAS to know what I'm thinking and why I'm thinking that and I'm not allowed to go near any other guy, which is ...
A. 2 September 2010: You already answered your own question, when you say "I don't want this ": you don't want this kind of relationship,- so do not accept it.period.
Ah but what if he attempts suicide again ?...
Look, your first duty is to yourself and YOUR own life... (read in full...)
Is it wrong to have sex with a prostitute? I'm married.
Q. I love my wife, and have never cheated on her, and have no fantasies about doing so in the future. However, what if your wife just flat out refuses to do something that you are curious about? What if you want to experience a threesome at lea...
A. 1 September 2010: I'd be curious to know what happens in case your wife has secret fantasies too and she too has got something to get out of her system.
Let's say ( supposing she is about your age ) the ever so popular cougar fantasy. Suppose she has idly thou... (read in full...)
Should I start something?
Q. I like this guy, and we have flirted a lot. The problem is I'm moving away for uni in 2 weeks, and I don't know if we should start something. He says he's just up for some fun, what should I do?...
A. 1 September 2010: I don't think anything relevant can actually start.Not just because you are leaving but because he told you,clearly and simply : he is just up for some fun.
Which might very well be very temporary fun,or even one-time-only fun without further deve... (read in full...)
What's it like losing your virginity?
Q. so im talking to this guy about having sex with him so i can have a first time. i really like him but i dont think he feels the same way.. he is only 2 years older than me. should i have sex with him? he is in college and im a junior. and how bad ...
A. 30 August 2010: Many times the pain is totally bearable, many times there is just a mild discomfort or notjing at all, many times there is little or no blood, and there is nothing particularly embarassing in losing your virginity, BUT ( and again BUT 9 :...excuse ... (read in full...)
| *indyCares's friends
These are mutual friends, so *indyCares has
added them and they have added *indyCares!
|
![[?]BitterSweetFinale;[?] agony aunt](/avatars/7bb1e9ea-6c2f-43b8-a4f7-0635b7eff08c.png){kind=small}
