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... Send *indyCares a private message | | | *indyCares's profile:Hi everybody. I am an Italian woman currently living in Italy but I spent many years in England and USA. I hope my English is still decent but in case it got a little rusty, please be lenient.
My age ? Let say that I am way past the stage when you cry if the boy you like takes your best friend to the prom, and young enough to remember how awful that feels.
What qualifies me to help people- well, let me show off just a bit and mention that I studied Psychology 4 years in college, and, even if then I graduated in a different subject, I never lost my interest in psychology and kept reading a lot about this subject. Yet that does not really qualify me for anything because intellectual knowledge is not the same as real life experience. So let's say I feel I can advice people because I have lived a lot, travelled a lot, met a lot of people from all backgrounds , races and religions- I have loved a lot, and I have also been dumped a lot :)
Plus, I am really fascinated with people and their stories. Not in a gossipy way. I just find that every person is a whole new world that I am excited to discover.
Right now I am single- and happily so. I realized- better late than never - that rather than waiting for Prince Charming I should first become a Princess myself. You can't love anybody unconditionally, if first you don't love yourself unconditionally, and this is what I am learning to do.
Looking forward to hear from all of you..
Ciao
Cindy |
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| Latest articles: Devastation in Italy
This question has 2 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
26 August 2016: This has got nothing to do with romance or relationships or love- maybe with love for our fellow human beings, i.e. solidariety and compassion , so I hope that the mods will publish this regardless. On August 24th a devastating eartquak...
Ten best ways for a woman to be given her walking papers.
This question has 7 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
19 August 2014: Yeah I know : ultimately love is a mystery, not an exact science. There's always an element of sheer luck, of serendipity, of magic in it. Some times you do everything right, by the book, you are the perfect gf / wife / lover .. and you still get ...
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A question of condoms...
Q. hey i had a question and i was hoping you could help if a guy has a condom on and it doesnt break could she still get pregnant. ...
A. 13 July 2010: Excellent , very sensible advice, Chigirl. I agree. I hope also our young OP realizes it is very sound advice.... (read in full...)
I'm worried he'll disappear, based on my past relationships! How do I reassure myself everything's fine?
Q. I've been dating this guy for almost a month.We have a great time together but I keep worrying that he's gonna lose interest/disappear. Last guy I dated ending up disappearing once he got a car. I thought he liked me alot but apparently not. So now ...
A. 13 July 2010: PixieGween, I am sure the other Aunts gave you good advice ; I admit I haven't read your post with my usual thouroughness - it's too damn hot today,here in Italy !
but, I want to add a generic,maybe frivolous comment...
So you are a bit insecure... (read in full...)
A question of condoms...
Q. hey i had a question and i was hoping you could help if a guy has a condom on and it doesnt break could she still get pregnant. ...
A. 13 July 2010: Sure,Chigirl, but,like you say, even a 100percent effective pill does not protect you from STDs. That's why pill PLUS condom is your best bet until you are sure you are in a monogamous relationship with a STD free partner.
(That's a generic "you... (read in full...)
He said if I cried during sex because of the pain it is all on me because he is not stopping!
Q. This is a conversation between me and my ex. hes 19 and im 16. we were talking about visiting each other, we live in different states now, and he is coming here at the end of the month. please read! him: "how many guys have you had sex with since me...
A. 13 July 2010: I think he was joking... but it's such a rude, crass, moronic joke that you should be disgusted, not just kind of hurt.
Btw,why are you discussing the intimate details of your life with an ex ??? Why is he supposed to know if and when and for how ... (read in full...)
Should I stay or should I go?
Q. I was in a long distance relationship and i decided to leave without any notice. I went to my college and met this guy there. Me and him hit it off great then my parents started getting annoyed with us so they kicked me out of the house and i ...
A. 13 July 2010: Go,go,GO ! What kind of a sick bastard is one who hits a pregnant woman ???... (read in full...)
How do I tell my girl how much this frustrates me? which it does... immensely without sounding like an ass?
Q. Hey, I have been in this relationship with my girl for several months now (long distance) it isn't often that we get to see each other (month or 2 ) I took a week of leave off of where I am to go see her, so we can see each other, have fun...et...
A. 13 July 2010: I would not tell anything to your girlfriend. Quite possibly she is enough anxious and worried already about having to have surgery, without you adding to her preoccpations or making her feel guilty with your disappointment!
Yes,her mother coul... (read in full...)
Why would he blow me off and then come back as if nothing happened?
Q. Hey all, so I started seeing this guy four months ago and we talked about dating, well then he got a letter saying he had to go back to the military and stopped talking to me after telling me that, he didn't have to go until November. However, he ...
A. 13 July 2010: They crawl back because women let them.
This guy either got from your previous interactions with you the impression that you are a compliant, unassertive type- or had in his past several instances of women who let him crawl back no questions aske... (read in full...)
We seem to be on different pages...
Q. I've been seeing a great guy for about two months now. After we were intimate for the first time, I asked him what did he want between us. He let me know that he didn't want something exclusive at the moment. He said some other things, but I just ...
A. 13 July 2010: Nooo ! Don't ask him anything ! You just asked him two months ago! He said he did not see it as an exclusive relationship then- and if you did not like that, then you should have walked away there and then. By staying around, you accepted to play ... (read in full...)
Why are her parents so strict on when she can have sex?
Q. Well, as usual, I am one of those teenages boys outside who is in doubt about sex and want to know more and discuss about it. What I what to ask is, should parents intervene their children when to have sex or having a sexual relationship (ge...
A. 13 July 2010: Thank you for your update which really clarifies a lot of things. What you have to contend with here, it's not just a strict mother, or an easily influenceable gf...my friend, you are up against a big East-West conflict, a massive clash of culture ... (read in full...)
FWB sometimes he's sweet, sometimes he's not
Q. first of all I'm 16 NOT 13. Okay. So I've been friends with benifits with this guy for like 2 years..and yes I like him alot..I never told him though cuz I didn't wanna make anything weird..this guy is a major player but when he likes someone he's ...
A. 13 July 2010: What's going on is that he is playing you right,left and center.
He only likes you "some times " ?- Does not this suggest you anything ? ...A basic simple truth ? That one who likes you some times- does not like you ENOUGH.
It's like having a... (read in full...)
A question of condoms...
Q. hey i had a question and i was hoping you could help if a guy has a condom on and it doesnt break could she still get pregnant. ...
A. 12 July 2010: Alas, Chigirl, I am afraid Dirtball is right. The WHO (World Health Organization ) gave exactly the same statistics based on a very extensive sample of American couples. 85% efficacy for typical use and 98% for optimal use ( which means if it is ... (read in full...)
My girlfriend cheated on me, and I can't seem to get over it!
Q. Hi, My girlfriend of 8 months cheated on me and I haven't been able to deal with it very well. She told me on our 8 month anniversary that she went to a bar, a guy bought her drinks and she got really drunk. She ended up sleeping with him. I brok...
A. 12 July 2010: I apologize for not having being clear enough. When I said "try to improve your screening process " I was not referring at all to this girl's, or any girl's, sexual past. A woman is not constitued only by her sexual experiences, which in fact are ... (read in full...)
Why are her parents so strict on when she can have sex?
Q. Well, as usual, I am one of those teenages boys outside who is in doubt about sex and want to know more and discuss about it. What I what to ask is, should parents intervene their children when to have sex or having a sexual relationship (ge...
A. 12 July 2010: Marriedlady makes an excellent point in reminding that until your gf's parents support her financially and pay for her studies, fair or not, their opinion counts A LOT- and your gf is probably aware of that. Also,her parents would be financially ... (read in full...)
Is he flirting to try to make me jealous or does he love himself?
Q. Okay so i,m really getting frustrated with this guy, it's been nearly a year and this guy and I have built up a serious connection and can't keep our eyes or hands off each other(casual but not intimate touching)But obviously intentional especially ...
A. 12 July 2010: Do you work together ?..
Some companies- and also some individuals- are strongly against office romances. They feel that if the romance ends that can have unpleasant ripercussions on the productivity and general work atmosphere, and on pers... (read in full...)
Why did he flirt with me then all of a sudden leave?
Q. i'm really confused and my heart has been really broken please help.my sister told me about a guy that was into me and that wanted to get to know me i saw him at a club once i thought he knew who i was thinking my sister showed him pictures of me i ...
A. 12 July 2010: Age could have something to do with it,maybe he decided that at 17 you are a bit young for him. But the main problem is, I think, just your having expectations. You see flirting as a declaration of intent, a sort of promise of better things to ... (read in full...)
I think my mother is having an affair
Q. Hey.. I really need help! Its about my parents... For the past year my mom has started to not be home that much only a couple of nights a week... She works as a teacher in Sweden (we have a house there and shes swedish...) It costs about 40 $ back ...
A. 12 July 2010: Sweetheart, whatever you do, do not judge your parents. They are there for you to love them and be loved by them, and not to be judged. Parents are not perfect,they are not demigods, they make mistakes and have a dark side like anybody else. And ... (read in full...)
I'm worried my dad's friend is attracted to me......
Q. Here it is. My dad(45 yrs old) has this friend who's only a year younger than him. They've been friends as long as I can remember, plus they work together and we go to the same church. With him being so close to my dad, we've developed a really ...
A. 12 July 2010: Dear adifferentperspective, I am not a particularly "strong " woman. I guess I just have a suspicious mind and I have a hard time accepting the idea that a girl, even a very young and church going one, can be so sweetly naive to see these kind of ... (read in full...)
Women only: Do you like the "wife beater" t-shirts on guys?
Q. Dear Aunts, My boyfriend and I have made a bet. He says girls think guys look sexy when they wear those "wife beater" t-shirts. I say they look very tacky; especially worn without a shirt over them, and most girls think as I do. So this is w...
A. 12 July 2010: Well,yes and not.
I admit that catching the occasional sight of a well built construction worker in his wife beater is sort of a mood enhancer :). It just brightens my day,lol. But if I ever had to date and go out with someone who thinks that wife... (read in full...)
I'm worried my dad's friend is attracted to me......
Q. Here it is. My dad(45 yrs old) has this friend who's only a year younger than him. They've been friends as long as I can remember, plus they work together and we go to the same church. With him being so close to my dad, we've developed a really ...
A. 12 July 2010: There is nothing innocent in a 45 years old married guy flirting with the teen daughter of his best friend. It's just creepy.
Do not encourage him at all. What was appropriate when you were 6 years old, - the name calling etc.- is not now. Just... (read in full...)
Why the double standard?
Q. Why do guys become 'the man', and girls become 'the slut' after sex too soon? i slept with a guy that chased me like crazy and yeah I know...I shouldnt have. if he stopped contact because he thought I was easy, then how is this not a double ...
A. 12 July 2010: There is undoubtedly a double standard for tons of social and cultural reasons, but I doubt it's directly affecting you in your case,
You say he disappeared because now he thinks you are easy... how do you know that ? Did he tell you so ?..
The ... (read in full...)
My girlfriend cheated on me, and I can't seem to get over it!
Q. Hi, My girlfriend of 8 months cheated on me and I haven't been able to deal with it very well. She told me on our 8 month anniversary that she went to a bar, a guy bought her drinks and she got really drunk. She ended up sleeping with him. I brok...
A. 12 July 2010: Of course you will love and trust again. Just, hopefully a different type of woman.
I am talking by personal experience- 9o percent of relationship glitches happen because of a faulty intital screening process. Because of romantic fantasies- or p... (read in full...)
Worried about meeting my online love!
Q. Hello, My older sister reccommended this site to me because I'm having difficulty deciding what I should do. I am 20 years old and the guy I am online dating is 19. We met on an internet chat room about 6 months ago. We talk online daily, have ...
A. 11 July 2010: No,not all men say these things to a girl, particularly a girl they have never even kissed or met yet ! This guy us a wacko, and not for his sexual tastes to which he is fully entitled, but because he has already planned out the details of your ... (read in full...)
Is it better to be wanted or needed?
Q. Here's a bit of a hypothetical question which has been bugging me... In a relationship do you think its better to be wanted or needed? Why? ...
A. 11 July 2010: Wanted. When people "needs " you, in general their need has nothing to do with you as a person and a lot to do with filling some void in their life, boosting a low self esteem,or getting compensation for hurts and wounds from the past. It's not ... (read in full...)
Is he secretly holding a grudge, or is he really over what I've done?
Q. I have been with my partner for three years now, and in that time he has been perfect. He is loyal, respectful, loving and kind. However, I myself havent not been an angel. Although I didn't do anything obviously wrong I have sometimes crossed the ...
A. 11 July 2010: I have got the feeling you are an Agony Aunt who posted here recently about other issues. Would you be by any chance the one who is not allowed to have a male driving instructor ?.... If that's you, darling, you know what many of us think. And you ... (read in full...)
My ex unfriended me on facebook when I reached out to him, why?
Q. Yea...when me and my ex broke up....it ended badly....I told him that he was not a real bf cause he didn't stand up to me.. I tried reaching out to him last week through facebook. Today he unfriended me...why? I asked him and sent him a new frie...
A. 11 July 2010: I think your ex is acting sensible. Exes are exes for a reason, there is seldom any point in remaining friends after the story is over. Plus ,like you said it ended badly ,maybe he still holds a grudge, but anyway he does not feel like keeping in ... (read in full...)
What is an open relationship?
Q. What exactly is an 'open' relationship? I know it has something to the effect that you can talk to other people also but what are the limits? I know that the couple can make their own 'rules' but what are most open relationships like? I previously ...
A. 11 July 2010: If you want to keep your boyfriend and at the same time flirt and kiss other guys and maybe more,....why "keeping " your boyfriend to begin with ?? If getting male attention and practicing your seduction slills is more important to you than your ... (read in full...)
How can I hide the fact that I'm a virgin?
Q. Okay i am 18 years old and i am a virgin. It sucks cus i dont really want the guy i first have sex with to know that. Can i hide it somehow? Would the shower work? It could wash down the drain so it wont leave me in the "spur of the embarrased ...
A. 11 July 2010: Why should you keep it a secret with your first lover ? it's no shame being a virgin at only 18, at most it shows you are selective in your choices . Plus , your partner may find that both endearing and erotic. ( What kind of guy is the one who ... (read in full...)
He's 19 years older than me, could he like me?
Q. I dont know if this guy likes me or not. we have a 19 year age gap. i am 26 and he is 45. My name is Beth and he calls me Bethy. His name is Malc, and i call him Malcy. I guess it would seem like we are flirting with each other when we call each ...
A. 11 July 2010: Make your move-nothing ventured nothing gained. He is clearly flirting and he shows he likes you , but probably did not feel like being more practive exactly because he thought his age would be a problem for you. ( and btw- it's normal he wonders ... (read in full...)
Spotting, uncomfortable feeling, what could be the problem??
Q. I am fourteen years old. I have only had oral sex ( recieving . ) but it was three months ago. Since then I have been masturbating . Recently, I've felt the urge to pee a lot more and it comes without warning . When I go to use the restroom almost ...
A. 11 July 2010: You have the symptoms of an urinary tract infection. Nothing to panic about, since is very common in women, but also nothing to neglect, because if untreated it may become recurrent or cronic. Do go see a doctor- not necessarily an ob/gyn , just ... (read in full...)
I'm just "not in the mood" very often!
Q. I have been married for eight year.I have three kids.For the last two year I have been having Problems with my husband.I simple don't feel like having sex very often.Maybe four to five times a month.My husband is a wonderful man and he means the ...
A. 10 July 2010: Why do you feel your marriage is gonna end because of this ? Did your husband tell you so, or is it something that you think or imagine ?
A problem is a problem only if we decide it's a problem ( duh ).What I mean is, you've got 3 young kids at home... (read in full...)
Does anyone out there ever look at their life& realise this isn't what your life was meant to be like?
Q. Does anyone out there ever look at their life and realise this isn't what your life was meant to be like? I'm 27 and am probably going through some life crisis lol! The thing is I know what I DON'T want out of life but I don't know what I ...
A. 10 July 2010: Knowing what you do not want anymore is already a good place to start for reshaping your life or co-creating a new one.
But try not to focus too much only on the negatives ,on how miserable you are, and the lousy job , the interfering mother, ...t... (read in full...)
I'm going crazy over this man someone pls help I need advice!!!!!!!
Q. i got myself into a pickle.... well this all started months ago it started when i was dating a guy named j then i met n and fell in love with him when i went to break up with j he told me he loved me and i chickened out it took 12days to buil up the ...
A. 10 July 2010: You should cut your losses before they become any bigger.You don't "have to " endure such pain, and it is not really n who his making you endure any pain. You are making this to yourself,when you choose to be with a guy that by your own description ... (read in full...)
I feel our sex life is going down the tubes!
Q. I've been in a relationship for a little over a year now with my boyfriend and I am questioning whether or not i want to continue this relationship because there hasn't been any sexual intimacy for 4 months and that is a big deal for me personally. ...
A. 10 July 2010: I'd say, let it go. You love him, but love is also made of a very important physical side,not just of thoughts words and feelings. And when that side is missing , particularly at such a young age, the relationship is gonna inevitably be unhealthy ... (read in full...)
Is he really only mad at me because I stood up for my friend? I cant belive he is acting this way!
Q. Long story,here is the short version:dated a guy C for almost 4 years but we split 13 months ago(last yr in June).A couple of mths later I started dating my guyfriend who we should call J and we dated until Feb. of this year.All I can say is that ...
A. 10 July 2010: Since you are 22 to 25 I reckon that your ex is about your age..and this is amazing because all this story is totally high school, or maybe even middle school, drama.
Just thank God that you got rid of such a clown and try to be more sele... (read in full...)
Guys, why don't you just call?
Q. I need male input - why do you all of a sudden disappear? and are there certain rules to follow when texting/calling a girl? this baffles me! I did not come on too strong nor talked relationship, ex, or sexual. what's the deal?...
A. 10 July 2010: I don't know if this will help but once a male friend of mine ,asked the same question, gave me this example. He said : suppose today I go in a steakhouse and order steak . Everything is fine, the steak is juicy, the service is corteous, the price ... (read in full...)
Help! I like him but I'm scared to get close!
Q. I'm really confused right now. I've been with my boyfriend for just 4 weeks now and we've already been through a dramatic roller coaster ride. This is my first relationship so I don't know what the heck i'm doing and his first since middle school. I ...
A. 10 July 2010: The only sensible advice I feel I can give you is the one that you got already- relax for Pete's sake. No matter what happens, this is not life or death. This is a 4 weeks relationship that might go well, or might not go so well- so ? would your ... (read in full...)
How do you know when you are ovulating?
Q. how do i know when am ovulating?...
A. 10 July 2010: Ovulation happens generally around the 14th day of your menstrual cycle ( so 12 to 16 days before your next period ). It is often,ma not always signaled by :
visible alterations in your cervical mucus, which becomes more abundant and diff... (read in full...)
Boyfriend doesn't make my low self esteem any better!
Q. I have a low self esteem but i don't think that my boyfriend makes it any better. My boyfriend is a beautiful boy. He's the kind of guy any girl would love to be with (on the outside of course) he's tall blonde with beautiful glossy blue eyes with a ...
A. 30 June 2010: Honey, you are dating a racist.
The worst kind of racist- the one who spits in the plate where he's eating.
A bona fide Ku Klux Klan member, at least, would never give you a second look.
Instead your blonde Arian God is ok with having sex (... (read in full...)
I don't want my son to give the baby up for adoption
Q. I have 2 very serious questions My family has ALWAYS questioned my parentling skills and has ALWAYS given me advice on my "out of control kids". When my oldest son was 16, he got into a little trouble at school, he started hanging out with the wro...
A. 30 June 2010: So you are not happy with your son and his girlfriend's decision. Guess what ? Tough luck. You don't have to be happy with their decision,- they have to be happy.
You and your husband would help with raising the child, but you would not be the ... (read in full...)
Anger or abuse?
Q. hi everybody, i've been with my boyfriend for a couple of years now although i think we just broke up for real. and i think i want to break up but for some reason i cant bear to be without him and i have a panic attack and freak out when we're cl...
A. 30 June 2010: He lies.He yells. He throws things around. He calls you names. He scares you.
BUT- you can't think of leaving him and you have panic attacks at the very thought.
In this cases my advice is always the same :
don't fix him- fix yourself.
H... (read in full...)
After eight years he says we're just close friends
Q. Please advise me what to do! No matter what I do, my boyfriend seems to think we're just very close friends. But that is not how it appears to me or to other people! We've been seeing each other since 2002, and he practically lives at my apartmen...
A. 30 June 2010: If your relationship has been sexless for the past 3 years, then you ARE just close friends. He keeps the bond alive because that works for him, out of habit and convenience.
The mental block thing -forgive my bluntness - sounds to me just a kind... (read in full...)
What is a good quote for a tattoo - to show I have overcome depression?
Q. I suffered from severe depression in the past and want to get a tattoo to show that I have overcome it. I want to get a quote. does anyone have any suggestions...
A. 29 June 2010: I know you said a quote but, what about a symbol : a phoenix rising from its ashes...... (read in full...)
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