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... Send *indyCares a private message | | | *indyCares's profile:Hi everybody. I am an Italian woman currently living in Italy but I spent many years in England and USA. I hope my English is still decent but in case it got a little rusty, please be lenient.
My age ? Let say that I am way past the stage when you cry if the boy you like takes your best friend to the prom, and young enough to remember how awful that feels.
What qualifies me to help people- well, let me show off just a bit and mention that I studied Psychology 4 years in college, and, even if then I graduated in a different subject, I never lost my interest in psychology and kept reading a lot about this subject. Yet that does not really qualify me for anything because intellectual knowledge is not the same as real life experience. So let's say I feel I can advice people because I have lived a lot, travelled a lot, met a lot of people from all backgrounds , races and religions- I have loved a lot, and I have also been dumped a lot :)
Plus, I am really fascinated with people and their stories. Not in a gossipy way. I just find that every person is a whole new world that I am excited to discover.
Right now I am single- and happily so. I realized- better late than never - that rather than waiting for Prince Charming I should first become a Princess myself. You can't love anybody unconditionally, if first you don't love yourself unconditionally, and this is what I am learning to do.
Looking forward to hear from all of you..
Ciao
Cindy |
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| Latest articles: Devastation in Italy
This question has 2 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
26 August 2016: This has got nothing to do with romance or relationships or love- maybe with love for our fellow human beings, i.e. solidariety and compassion , so I hope that the mods will publish this regardless. On August 24th a devastating eartquak...
Ten best ways for a woman to be given her walking papers.
This question has 7 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
19 August 2014: Yeah I know : ultimately love is a mystery, not an exact science. There's always an element of sheer luck, of serendipity, of magic in it. Some times you do everything right, by the book, you are the perfect gf / wife / lover .. and you still get ...
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What's it like losing your virginity?
Q. so im talking to this guy about having sex with him so i can have a first time. i really like him but i dont think he feels the same way.. he is only 2 years older than me. should i have sex with him? he is in college and im a junior. and how bad ...
A. 30 August 2010: Many times the pain is totally bearable, many times there is just a mild discomfort or notjing at all, many times there is little or no blood, and there is nothing particularly embarassing in losing your virginity, BUT ( and again BUT 9 :...excuse ... (read in full...)
He is 23, and I am nearly 16, how do I tell my dad?
Q. My boyfriend is 23 (24 at the end of october) and i will be 16 in less than a month. I just recently told my mom about the slightly large age gap and she was not really impressed. I have no idea how im going to tell my dad cause i know he will ...
A. 30 August 2010: I am afraid that it is predictable that your dad will freak out- I'd say it's healthy and normal. Honestly, who would not freak out- thinking that you two got togethre when you were 14 and he was 22. In many places that would be a crime, but even ... (read in full...)
Is she interested in me? is there really another guy?
Q. Hey there i have just started talking to a girl and she invited me out for lunch and we spent all day walking around the city together, afterwards i sent her a text saying i had a great time and she was great. She then replied to this text saying ...
A. 24 August 2010: I think you are her default option. Someone ,in her mind, not good enough to date, but still better than nothing until someone "better" shows up- or until she gets a firmer hold on the first guy, supposing he does exist. Wether you do have a rival ... (read in full...)
Is my partner correct to want me to ask for his permission to answer the phone late at night?
Q. 22.15hrs I was having a talk with my partner about an important matter to us both. My mobile phone rang in the room next door, and he got up first to fetch it and brought it to me for me to answer which I did. It was a short message from a friend. ...
A. 27 July 2010: Agreed,Miamine. Making a scene, or embarassing your interlocutor about a social blunder, is not polite.
It's permissible ,though, to remark tactfully about what happened so that it won't happen again in future.
This may seem very silly stuff ,b... (read in full...)
Ready to throw in the towel!!
Q. I have known my girlfriend for 15yrs, we have been in a relationship for 6yrs. this month I asked the big question and bought her an engagement ring. My co worker family owns a jewelry store so i bought a second hand ring that has been appraised for ...
A. 27 July 2010: Ok, before anybody accuses me of being a greedy b---ch, let's get this out of the way : a 5000 USD ring is a very nice ring and I wish I had one, I'd be overjoyed. And I am really more into the sentimental value of objects than the material one : ... (read in full...)
Is my partner correct to want me to ask for his permission to answer the phone late at night?
Q. 22.15hrs I was having a talk with my partner about an important matter to us both. My mobile phone rang in the room next door, and he got up first to fetch it and brought it to me for me to answer which I did. It was a short message from a friend. ...
A. 26 July 2010: Let's agree to disagree ,DB :)
Minutia ? Maybe not.. Some details mean nothing to some people, and mean something to other people
There are different codes of conduct.. I am not saying that mine is the best - just that I did not invent i... (read in full...)
Is my partner correct to want me to ask for his permission to answer the phone late at night?
Q. 22.15hrs I was having a talk with my partner about an important matter to us both. My mobile phone rang in the room next door, and he got up first to fetch it and brought it to me for me to answer which I did. It was a short message from a friend. ...
A. 26 July 2010: It applies always,DB. :)
He went to get the phone and brought it to her ( not shove it in her face ) as a simple act of courtesy . My guess is that he was expecting a courtesy " sorry about that " back.
Personally, if I am having an importan... (read in full...)
Is my partner correct to want me to ask for his permission to answer the phone late at night?
Q. 22.15hrs I was having a talk with my partner about an important matter to us both. My mobile phone rang in the room next door, and he got up first to fetch it and brought it to me for me to answer which I did. It was a short message from a friend. ...
A. 26 July 2010: I don't think he wanted her to ask his formal permission to answer her own phone...
Maybe he was just surprised for the omission of the quick, totally rethoric " Do you mind ?..." or " I am sorry, I have to get that ..."that is usual and appr... (read in full...)
We're trying for a baby...what do you think? Could I be pregnant?
Q. PLEASE NOTE: i have submitted this question previously but it seems my question was misinterperted by readers as they seem to have made the focus on my age, as i made a mistake by not making it obvious that i am NOT 16-17, i am 20, as this is my ...
A. 26 July 2010: If your period had started on June 30th, in theory you have been ovulating around July 13th. This can have happened on July 19th if you usually have longer menstrual cycles ( 33 or 34 days between a menstruation and the next ).
Of course ther... (read in full...)
Interracial couples. Black man, white female. What do you think about that?
Q. How many people are really against Interracial couples, especially those of which consist of a white female, and a black male. I (hear) many white males became completely unattractive to the woman, or would never want to have anything to do w...
A. 26 July 2010: Demanding question.
I lived 15 years in the States : 5 in West L.A and 10 in Manhattan. Both places where people are very busy, self-absorbed,and used to diversity. I can't say I saw many arched
eyebrows at the sight of interracial couples.... (read in full...)
Can you have a healthy, committed relationship without sex?
Q. Is it possible to have a healthy, loving, committed relationship without sex? I am 25, and I have had two serious boyfriends -- the longest relationship lasting for a year and a half -- and several shorter relationships. I do not date anyone ...
A. 26 July 2010: Ah ,Heather- and OP- ,normality is a fuzzy concept, scientists and sociologists have been arguing about it for the past 2 centuries or more, and the jury is still out...
I don't know about the other Aunts, but when I suggest the OP to consult a sp... (read in full...)
Should I tell him I love him back? Or should I wait for him to tell me when he's not drunk?
Q. Last night my boyfriend and I got home late and pretty drunk after a party (though he'd had more than me). He tends to be a lot more free in expressing his feelings when he's had a few drinks and after talking emphatically for a while about how ...
A. 26 July 2010: Ancient Romans used to say "In vino veritas " ( In wine,there's truth )...
Personally, I am not too sure about that, and , just to be on the safe side, I'd wait for him to express his feelings about you when he is sober.... (read in full...)
I want another dog but he said "no" with a load of silly reasons!
Q. Hello I really don't know where to start but I'll try my husband is an only child and I'm not sure if this is where the problem is I can have anything I want materialistaly but any thing else is a no no we did try for a baby without sucsess and now ...
A. 26 July 2010: I would not say that your husband is selfish for caring about getting enough sleep. He DOES drive all night,doesn't he ? If he is not well rested and refreshed, he might cause accidents- to himself and to other people.
Maybe the dog issue is link... (read in full...)
Everyone is rude to me!
Q. I live in the Greensboro/High Point area of North Carolina, and I've gotten to the point where I can't stand it. People here are obscenely rude to me on a regular basis, and I don't tolerate it. It happens to me several times a day! For exampl...
A. 25 July 2010: On something you are right,some times "you have to have been there " to understand why a certain episode triggers certain reactions , there are not just the words, there are also the non verbal cues, looks, body posture etc.
But,let's tackle it ... (read in full...)
Ex-boyfriend said eeeew referring to me in a bikini. Do I confront him?
Q. Well, me and my best fried were swimming and having a wonderful time, when my boyfriend texts me I get her phone, because mine was practically dead, and when I get her phone she gets a text message from her boyfriend and he is talking about me, I go ...
A. 25 July 2010: Then perhaps you should not be so chummy and hang out so much with his current girlfriend, isn't that doing things
more painful for you ?...
... (read in full...)
Everyone is rude to me!
Q. I live in the Greensboro/High Point area of North Carolina, and I've gotten to the point where I can't stand it. People here are obscenely rude to me on a regular basis, and I don't tolerate it. It happens to me several times a day! For exampl...
A. 25 July 2010: Q, you just summed up a basic believe of Buddhism :
" The world is a mirror. When you bow to the person in the mirror,the person in the mirror bows at you ".
... (read in full...)
Everyone is rude to me!
Q. I live in the Greensboro/High Point area of North Carolina, and I've gotten to the point where I can't stand it. People here are obscenely rude to me on a regular basis, and I don't tolerate it. It happens to me several times a day! For exampl...
A. 25 July 2010: Personally, I have not judged you nor criticized you. And I believe all those episodes really happened. But
what "happens " is never totally and aseptically neutral- it is always altered and coloured by your own perceptions and expectations , Is t... (read in full...)
Can you have a healthy, committed relationship without sex?
Q. Is it possible to have a healthy, loving, committed relationship without sex? I am 25, and I have had two serious boyfriends -- the longest relationship lasting for a year and a half -- and several shorter relationships. I do not date anyone ...
A. 25 July 2010: No,Heather, I respect your opinion, yet I think your example of swimming and hiking is a fallacy, it's basically flawed.
We are talking about "healthy " here and healthy ,in general pertains to avoiding excesses. For every human activity ther... (read in full...)
My bfs family don't like me and I don't understand why...
Q. hi (: i have been with my boyfriend for 17 months, and we love eachother so much. hes my first love nd im so happy with him.. just one thing: i dont think his family like me very much, i dont know what i have done to upset them? i know me and my b...
A. 25 July 2010: Couldn't it just be, that you being so young and just dating their son, they don't see you as "official " enough yet to be included in family events ?
Some families are like that, they are pleased to include in their family events only the offi... (read in full...)
Marriage - why should any man bother?
Q. Women… why should any guy propose marriage? Full disclosure: I have never been married, but several family members and friends have been hurt by divorce, and I know of only a handful of happy marriages over one year old. My feelings for the...
A. 25 July 2010: Even if I am a woman, on rational,practical grounds I'd have to agree with you, marriage does not make much sense.
But " heart has its reasons,which reason cannot comprehend " ( Blaise Pascal ).
Think for instance about having children, does it ... (read in full...)
Everyone is rude to me!
Q. I live in the Greensboro/High Point area of North Carolina, and I've gotten to the point where I can't stand it. People here are obscenely rude to me on a regular basis, and I don't tolerate it. It happens to me several times a day! For exampl...
A. 25 July 2010: I think you are practicing selective attention. You are focusing on, and blowing out of proportion, a few instances in which you have been ill treated ,and conveniently forgetting all the other cases in which you have received decent,good, or ... (read in full...)
How do you date in this crazy world?
Q. How do you actually date in this crazy world, when guys act so alloof and indifferent that all they want is a quick sex(my experience). I was in 7 year relationship, that ended. It was mutual, as we became so indifferent to each other that it ma...
A. 25 July 2010: Well,if you go out shopping for shoes then you go into a bookstore, you can't complain they don't sell shoes,- you are just visiting the wrong place. If you are interested in starting a relationship, I guess bars and clubs can't be your best cho... (read in full...)
Young love last forever?
Q. Well,I'm 13 now I met this boy from my school when I was 11 we've been together for 9 months now,10 months on the 5th of August,We started going out when I was 12 and he was 13 now he's 14 next month,We've had LOTS of arguments and break-ups,But ...
A. 25 July 2010: Once I met a lady who had met her future husband when she was 13, she had married him at 18, and 30 years later they were still married and still much in love with each other. A very lucky lady.
I must say, though, this is the one and only case... (read in full...)
Is home schooling your child free?
Q. i want to home school my child for 8th grade this year at colorado vitual academy it says its free but i want to know if it true if anyone has a child going there tell me if its free or not please and thank u... ...
A. 25 July 2010: I am not American and not familiar with the practice of home schooling, so you will forgive my curiosity in asking what the parents perceive as the benefits for homeschooling. It's not my place to criticize anybody's personal choices - and btw ... (read in full...)
I'm big but can't get anything!
Q. Im a 20 year old guy, who has just never been lucky in the dating department. I dont know why, Im not overly attractive but Im not ugly either. And its not like Im not gifted down stairs either. Most girls would love an 8 inch long penis thats 6 ...
A. 25 July 2010: It's not everything about looks. Good looks obviously attract attention to you, but to keep that attention you need more ,like being personable, having good social skills, charme and wit...
I am afraid that the reason you don't get girls migh... (read in full...)
Can you have a healthy, committed relationship without sex?
Q. Is it possible to have a healthy, loving, committed relationship without sex? I am 25, and I have had two serious boyfriends -- the longest relationship lasting for a year and a half -- and several shorter relationships. I do not date anyone ...
A. 25 July 2010: I don't think so. Love is a complete physical, emotional and spiritual experience and when one component is missing you are depriving yourself and your partner of something important and the relationship eventually becomes unbalanced.
Of cour... (read in full...)
Should I have given her the song?
Q. Ok so i liked this girl at camp, and longstory short I told her I liked her but was a coward and stalled the conversation for a half hour (we were playing truth or dare and she dared me to tell her who I like). I had planed to tell her I liked her ...
A. 25 July 2010: Just mail the song to her . With a short, simple note saying that you wrote it at camp thinking of her so you want her to have it, since you are not sure when you are gonna see her again...Add your phone no, then the ball is in her court.... (read in full...)
I feel badly should I forgive my ex?
Q. I was with my bf for 2 years and all was great until after a year we started fighting about everything. He got a huge temper outa nowhere and I was very patient and kind with him through it. He has thrown my personal belongings against walls to ...
A. 24 July 2010: The e-mail exchange with the girl is a minot issue in the general picture.
Throwing your things around,punching holes in the wall and shoving you would be the deal breaker for me.
This kind of behaviour can suddenly and rapidly escalate and get ... (read in full...)
He thinks I'm going to leave him but I'm not. How can I reassure him?
Q. me and my boyfrriend have been goen out over 4 months now and everyone says were perfect for each other and we both think so to. however theres a guy i no and were really really good friends and have been for over 3 years. we're both in steady ...
A. 24 July 2010: Easy. Stop the flirting and the touchy feely things, you can keep your friendship also without pawing each other. In fact, friendship work better if there are clear physical boundaries so one always know exactly what is what. ... (read in full...)
Does he miss me or even still care for me? Please help!
Q. I was with someone, and everything was going great. But one day I made him very mad, and he dumped me after that.. ( He couldnt take it, and thats just how he is as a person.. He can't deal with me being a bitch.. I think he's afraid of facing ...
A. 24 July 2010: I think you are plan B,a.k.a. "the option ". Some mem don't like to work without a net- they like to know there is always someone available to give them sex and attention,- just in case they needed it.
It sounds this guy IS moving on, and tryi... (read in full...)
I think I am in love with my best friend's boyfriend!
Q. i am in love with my gay best friends boyfriend lets call him jake (not his real name) me and jake had become really close and the other day i stayed round my bestfriends called alex (not his real name) and while i was round alex's jake was there ...
A. 24 July 2010: That explains why Jake kissed you, but it is still not a good reason to stab in the back your best friend Alex :)... (read in full...)
How does someone like you so much at first and then drop you?
Q. HI :], I have a couple of questions; I had been with my bf for 3 yrs, one day I decided to break it off with him because he was very possesive. I started dating this other man (Levi) he invited me to a crawfish broil, i met his friends...but it...
A. 24 July 2010: It's sort of an idle question. This guy has amply shown you that he is a massive weirdo, a compulsive liar, and an emotionally unbalanced person - maybe not at a pathological level, but who knows.
Do you really expect consistency, seriousness of i... (read in full...)
17, female and a virgin. Should I keep my standards high?
Q. I am 17 and still a virgin. I have had relationships, kissed guys, and just recently hooked up with an older guy who I went to 3rd base with. I felt very regretful after the hookup because I found myself wishing that had been someone who actually ...
A. 23 July 2010: No,it is not uncool. It is pretty cool, as compared to the scores of pathetic insecure teenagers that give their
bodies away as if they were giving away M&Ms- just to be reassured they are not totally unattractive or insignificant.
I think it... (read in full...)
I'm freaked out! Girlfriend came home poured water on me at 3am! Why ???
Q. I don't know what to do. It's 3am, I was woken up by my girlfriend who dumped water on me to wake me up. What if I didn't wake up and drowned, there's a fan next to me and could have caught hypothermia and she's a nurse she would know about that....
A. 23 July 2010: Yes, Q, I see your point. People like what they like. And I am not the type that would like to stop everybody from having some fun . I just thought that, she being a nurse... Oh wait. That's why. Maybe she is a wet nurse.... (read in full...)
I'm freaked out! Girlfriend came home poured water on me at 3am! Why ???
Q. I don't know what to do. It's 3am, I was woken up by my girlfriend who dumped water on me to wake me up. What if I didn't wake up and drowned, there's a fan next to me and could have caught hypothermia and she's a nurse she would know about that....
A. 23 July 2010: Exactly,adifferentperspective,the thing that strikes me too is that she is a nurse !. I guess she had the day after off, but still...
Well,OP, I guess basically this is the problem, if you accept to date a woman who drinks like a fish, then you... (read in full...)
I'm confused about getting married and don't think I'm ready
Q. I need help, i'm scared and i can't talk to my friends.If i told them about my opinions maybe they would lough at me.....so i decided to ask for help to unknown people. in a month i'm going to get merry, i love my boyfriend and he loves me,but m...
A. 23 July 2010: If you feel you are not ready, don't do it.
Marriage is a risky business, about half of them end up badly anyway and this evenwhen the people is happy , enthusistic and gung-ho about geting married.
Imagine when they start already full of doubt... (read in full...)
Sex has become nothing but a chore for me!
Q. My libido has disappeared and this has been getting worse for the last 3 years - since last child born. I now feel guilty for not doing it, and guilty when I do it as I am clearly not enjoying it as much as I or my husband would like me to - it ...
A. 23 July 2010: Go to see your OB/GYN. If you are in your early 40s most likely you are in perimenopause, which will lead to menopause in about 10 years or so.
Not always the estrogen levels drop dramatically at the onset of menopause, in some women they will... (read in full...)
I really want a family! Will it ever be the right time?
Q. Hello, I am 25 and have been married for 3 years. It has been difficult at times, but we love eacho ther very much. We have good jobs and are good people, but due to some silly mistakes, and the recession affecting work, times are tough.Fo...
A. 23 July 2010: This will not be of much comfort to you, but when you guys feel particuloarly bitter for not being able to own a house and raise a big family by the age of 25... just come and visit me in Italy.
Don't get me wrong- you'd love Italy, if you are into... (read in full...)
What does he really want?What is he in real?
Q. Hi! I have never met this guy in real but have known him only virtually.He befriended me two years ago and we had great platonic friendship initially.He has real in-depth spiritual knowledge and has taught me a lot.Then one fine day after a year he ...
A. 23 July 2010: " He tells a lot of lies too ". "He spins stories from books and movies ". Stay away from him. Some people are just compulsive liars, it's like an illness.
I think I met the champion of them all.
I was dating a guy, and I had already caught h... (read in full...)
I was forced to marry and I am not attracted to my wife
Q. Iam a 29 year old married boy. Its been two year for our marriage, but from the day one i was never attracted to my wife. As she is dark, chubby.This marriage itself taken place becz of my family pressure and even i curse myself even today for that ...
A. 23 July 2010: When you say that you cannot divorce because it's not her fault, do you mean you can't morally or you can't legally ?
From a moral point of view yours is a noble attitude and it is commendable.
From a legal point of view it may be differen... (read in full...)
Theoretical question: Which of the 2 scenarios is worse?
Q. This is more of a theoretical question! Which of the following is worse: 1. Being in a relationship with a man who makes you happy and you know you would have a happy life together BUT always wondering about what could have been with someone els...
A. 23 July 2010: Ok,fair enough, let's stick to your original question about the " what if ".
IMO, everybody sooner or later find themselves with a few "what if " on their hands. You can live a happy ,fulfilled life even with a few "what if ".
You maybe ha... (read in full...)
Theoretical question: Which of the 2 scenarios is worse?
Q. This is more of a theoretical question! Which of the following is worse: 1. Being in a relationship with a man who makes you happy and you know you would have a happy life together BUT always wondering about what could have been with someone els...
A. 23 July 2010: A mixed bag of responses ? :) It did not look so mixed to me - only Samantha X told you " follow your heart " , all the other Aunts told you ,with different words, more or less the same thing : Mr. Ideal belongs to fantasy . And you don't even know ... (read in full...)
Theoretical question: Which of the 2 scenarios is worse?
Q. This is more of a theoretical question! Which of the following is worse: 1. Being in a relationship with a man who makes you happy and you know you would have a happy life together BUT always wondering about what could have been with someone els...
A. 22 July 2010: What you explained does not contraddict what I mean.
The ideal man might have all the qualities, attributes and values you look for and you appreciate- but he does not live in a void, he has a job, a career, a family, a religion, a circle of frie... (read in full...)
Theoretical question: Which of the 2 scenarios is worse?
Q. This is more of a theoretical question! Which of the following is worse: 1. Being in a relationship with a man who makes you happy and you know you would have a happy life together BUT always wondering about what could have been with someone els...
A. 22 July 2010: If there actually is a good chance that it won't work out with him...then he is not the "ideal man "!
The ideal man is not the hottest or the most exciting- he is the man with whom you can be happy every day of your life.... (read in full...)
I was forced to marry and I am not attracted to my wife
Q. Iam a 29 year old married boy. Its been two year for our marriage, but from the day one i was never attracted to my wife. As she is dark, chubby.This marriage itself taken place becz of my family pressure and even i curse myself even today for that ...
A. 22 July 2010: You just posted the same question , and all the answers you've got said : divorce.
So obviously this is not the answer you want to hear .
What do you want to hear ? That you are entitled to cheat on your wife... ? I don't think that any Aunt wit... (read in full...)
I think I am in love with my best friend's boyfriend!
Q. i am in love with my gay best friends boyfriend lets call him jake (not his real name) me and jake had become really close and the other day i stayed round my bestfriends called alex (not his real name) and while i was round alex's jake was there ...
A. 25 April 2010: You are not in love, I don't think you can be in love with Jake after just a couple of kisses. Don't tell anything to Alex, but don't go teasing his bf behind his back anymore... (read in full...)
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