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... Send *indyCares a private message | | | *indyCares's profile:Hi everybody. I am an Italian woman currently living in Italy but I spent many years in England and USA. I hope my English is still decent but in case it got a little rusty, please be lenient.
My age ? Let say that I am way past the stage when you cry if the boy you like takes your best friend to the prom, and young enough to remember how awful that feels.
What qualifies me to help people- well, let me show off just a bit and mention that I studied Psychology 4 years in college, and, even if then I graduated in a different subject, I never lost my interest in psychology and kept reading a lot about this subject. Yet that does not really qualify me for anything because intellectual knowledge is not the same as real life experience. So let's say I feel I can advice people because I have lived a lot, travelled a lot, met a lot of people from all backgrounds , races and religions- I have loved a lot, and I have also been dumped a lot :)
Plus, I am really fascinated with people and their stories. Not in a gossipy way. I just find that every person is a whole new world that I am excited to discover.
Right now I am single- and happily so. I realized- better late than never - that rather than waiting for Prince Charming I should first become a Princess myself. You can't love anybody unconditionally, if first you don't love yourself unconditionally, and this is what I am learning to do.
Looking forward to hear from all of you..
Ciao
Cindy |
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| Latest articles: Devastation in Italy
This question has 2 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
26 August 2016: This has got nothing to do with romance or relationships or love- maybe with love for our fellow human beings, i.e. solidariety and compassion , so I hope that the mods will publish this regardless. On August 24th a devastating eartquak...
Ten best ways for a woman to be given her walking papers.
This question has 7 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
19 August 2014: Yeah I know : ultimately love is a mystery, not an exact science. There's always an element of sheer luck, of serendipity, of magic in it. Some times you do everything right, by the book, you are the perfect gf / wife / lover .. and you still get ...
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Is it bad to put everyone's feelings ahead of your own?
Q. Is it bad to always put everyone elses feelings ahead of yours? I have a problem. I think? Its not all sexual but im just going to give an example. Im pretty un happy with my life so I always try to make my boyfriends better even when I know he ...
A. 2 December 2010: Of course it's bad always putting other people's feelings before yours, what do you think ? It's a consequence of low self esteem, and an indication you don't value yourself. And while apparently it can seem this is a nice, selfless attitude, in ... (read in full...)
Am I overreacting?
Q. Why does my boyfriend do this? am i overeating? my boyfriend and i made plans to spend the day out together.. i rang him in the afternoon he told he was at at the bank and that he would be going to see his uncle who'd had a stroke and live 2ho...
A. 1 December 2010: Yes, you are overreacting. At least about the uncle.
What do you think, that the uncle was indelicate in having a stroke on Wednesday , at risk of spoiling your weekly date with your boyfriend... perhaps he should have consulted you before , to k... (read in full...)
I don't like my girlfriend drinking
Q. My girlfriend and i have been going out for 9 months now and I never liked drinking but she likes getting "drunk" with her friends in miami every new years. She has said in the past that she has blacked out 3 times from drinking too much and I don't ...
A. 1 December 2010: I hear you , my friend. When I came to the States , and I was asked " do you drink ", I answered,naively , yes, sure, why not. But in my culture and environment ,"drink" means a glass of white wine ,maybe two, with dinner. I had never seen, or ... (read in full...)
Should I have sex?
Q. I am not sure if I should have sex or not and I was hoping for some input based on the following 1. I REALLY want to have sex 2. I trust my partner and have been with him for three years. 3. I feel at 25 I should be having sex or at least ...
A. 1 December 2010: But... so what the plan would be ?
Having sex with this guy so that you can get rid of your virginity, then dumping him ?
Or would you keep staying with him and having sex regularly even if you don't love him ? ... (read in full...)
I'm lonely but my g/f forbids me to move into place with girls!
Q. Just wanna know what your opinions on this. Well, I'm currently living alone in one of my dads house. The thing is, I dont mind living alone, but seriously, it's boring. I got no one to talk to, my girlfriends too far away. I mean, really far...
A. 1 December 2010: I am less adamant than my fellow aunts.
I had a male roommate for about a year , we were both in relationships, and nothing ever happened , we treated each other as brother and sister. It's not that if you share space then you must end up in bed ... (read in full...)
Should I have sex?
Q. I am not sure if I should have sex or not and I was hoping for some input based on the following 1. I REALLY want to have sex 2. I trust my partner and have been with him for three years. 3. I feel at 25 I should be having sex or at least ...
A. 1 December 2010: I guess if you don't love your partner then the answer should be no. You would be using a person just for sex- the same thing so many embittered Dear Cupiders accuse men of doing.
It would be interesting to know why you are still with this guy.... (read in full...)
Concrete, specific, short-term advice for coping with a breakup
Q. It was a wonderful fairytale relationship. She was perfect and we were perfect together. Before our fifth anniversary, she met another guy, and one week later, she dumped me. I know it sounds a lot like many other stories around here, and I've r...
A. 1 December 2010: Take a half day off from work and devote it to feel your pain. Don't try to distract yourself. In fact, cry your eyes out, force yourself to remember the good times until you feel sick. . Break objects, call her names in your mind. Hit a pillow ... (read in full...)
I really want plastic surgery because I hate the way I look
Q. I really want plastic surgery because I hate the way I look, I dont like looking in the mirror because everytime I do, I feel like Im going to cry. What can I do to feel happier about myself?...
A. 1 December 2010: Just a quick ,practical advice about hair.
Don't trim it . It's a myth that hair need to be trimmed every 6 weeks or so, I used to have waist length hair , and I never trimmed it. If your hair is reasonably healthy , you just take good care of it, ... (read in full...)
I slept over at his place and he pulled out a vibrator! Why would he have this?
Q. My ex had a really small um, "member", mentioning only for reference, it wasn't an issue. We are both in our 30's. So, when I slept over at his place and we had sex and he pulled out a vibrator. All I could think of the whole time is...where it ...
A. 1 December 2010: Well, if you are sure that he did not buy the vibrator for you... then he must have bought it for someone else before you.
It could be coming from a previous relationship with a toy loving lady. Or maybe, he might have the typical male paranoia abou... (read in full...)
What happens when 2 very controlling people date each other
Q. Does anyone know what happens when 2 very controlling people date each other? What happens in that relationship? Do they stay together for long? What's readers experiences? Thanks! Any comments would be greatly appreciated!!!...
A. 1 December 2010: It would probably fizzle in a matter of weeks , or days.
It would soon become not a relationship but a constant tug-of-war.
In fact, I'd be surprised that two very controlling people would be attracted to each other.
I noticed that when on... (read in full...)
I do love him a lot but am I a mug?
Q. This is a long story lol.. Me and my boyfriend have been together for five years ( 6 Month break between) we have a 2 yr old daughter also. Anyways at first he was perfect but after aa while of him smoking drugs I ended with him an found someone kn...
A. 1 December 2010: A mug ?... Let me put it this way - years ago ,for work reasons, I interviewed a bunch of people who had just served 10 years jail sentences. About how they were coping with every day life after being locked up for so long, the challenges they met ... (read in full...)
For girls, what's your taste in guys?
Q. I know every girl has diffrent taste in guys but these are just a few questions I can think of off the top of my head that I want to know the answer to 1.Do girls like guys with long hair? 2.Do girls like guys who call them babe or baby? (I d...
A. 30 November 2010: This is a fun question, so I hope you won't mind if I unleash my inner cougar and answer as if I still had time and desire to check out young long-haired guys...
1) Long hair are fantastic and very sexy. Only if alwyas clean and shiny ,tho... (read in full...)
Why is it so bad someone my age has sex?
Q. Hi, I was thinking today, why is it so bad someone my age has sex? I assure you I haven't but I was talking to my mom and she said as long as you are responsible(using multiple forms of birth control) and had sex with someone you trusted and knew ...
A. 30 November 2010: Talking about animals : I remember-vaguely so maybe the dates won't be perfectly accurate - something interesting that my vet told me.
The reproductive apparatus of a female cat is ready and complete when she is 6 months. But, - the cat won't go i... (read in full...)
How bad is the occasional kiss when you are married?
Q. My situation.... I have been in a committed relationship for four years, married for the past two. I adore my husband - he is everything that I could possibly ask for in a partner, but I cannot seem to keep myself in check when it comes to othe...
A. 30 November 2010: From my point of view- yes, it's bad.You are still cheating, and for nothing.
You don't even have the excuse of falling in love, or been overwhelmed by passion. You just do it because you like to feel you are "cute" and "popular " and "the one who ... (read in full...)
Is he using me or her?
Q. my ex and i are split up for about 7 month now. He go a new girlfriend that stays with him. But call me in the night, wanting me to go to his place when she is not there, we still sleep together is he using me or her? I still love him what do i do? ...
A. 30 November 2010: He is using you. Well, probably he is using both , but at least the new one is the official girlfriend who gets to live with him and to share with him more than just sex.
What do you do ? Stop being his booty call ,stop going there at night, in fact... (read in full...)
I cant stand the idea of not being with him, but then again I know deep down it is the right thing to end it.....
Q. I'm in a confused state. I've been with this guy for two years. Our relationship has been far from fairy tale, but we made each other happy. So we've been in a long distance relationship for the past 8 months. Its been really hard. He questio...
A. 30 November 2010: Inevitably it will sound I'm patronizing.
That was not the idea. Simply I can see things for a different perspective while you are too into this thing to be objective.
So : you are never been closer to any other human being in your entire life . D... (read in full...)
Should I drop college to be closer to my boyfriend even though my family will hate me?
Q. I am female and I have a long story for you guys. I go to college up in Michigan, I'm 18 and my boyfriend of three years lives in Toledo. I hate being far away from him and I hate being and doing things by myself. At the beganing, I went to college ...
A. 29 November 2010: This is not what you want to hear, but, - maybe because I am a mother, I can't help thinking like a mother.
College is an investment on yourself and on your future, and frankly, it does not even matter that much whether it's fun or not. If it's... (read in full...)
It's been nearly two months since he left me and I can't let go. I keep wanting to restore our friendship but I know it's impossible.
Q. I was online friends with a married man more than 20 years my senior (I'm 22, 21 at the time). I knew from the beginning that he was married and we started off mainly as just acquaintances. However, it seemed like he fell for me over time and around ...
A. 29 November 2010: Oh no, there are tons of people who measure up to this man, in fact there is not much to measure up to, he set the bar pretty low .
Think .
He is a married man who plays out his sexual fantasies with another woman- he is a cheater.
You fall ... (read in full...)
I don't understand. why would he make a comment like he did if he didn't care?
Q. I met this boy about a year ago and I liked him straight away, and everybody thought he liked me too. The rest of the group noticed that there was flirting going on so I decided to be brave and make a move- only to be rejected. He told me he didn’t ...
A. 29 November 2010: Don't read that much in his comment.
Boys are naturally competitive, he was used to have all your attention focused on him and he liked to be in the spotlight, even if he does not reciprocate your feelings.
Seeing you enthusiastic about some oth... (read in full...)
Should I apologise to my ex?
Q. So my ex kept booty-calling me, and I finally stopped that. I told him to leave me alone but before I was able to achieve full closure, I decided to tell this girl he was seeing, that he wanted to keep me there as his second option. Now, they're ...
A. 29 November 2010: No, leave it alone.
What you did maybe was wrong, but if you are honest with yourself, you'll see that the "apologies " would be just an excuse . What bothers you most now it's not that you did something questionable ,- but that he is out of your... (read in full...)
Why would he call me? He's married and lives several states away
Q. I met this guy--I'll call him "Eric"--several years ago, while he was on tour with his band. He gave me his e-mail address so I could send him some photos I'd taken of the gig. We have kept in very sporadic touch over the past few years and until ...
A. 29 November 2010: No,it does not sound just friendly, otherwise he would have no problems in calling you from home ,even in front of his wife.
Why does he call you ? The usual reasons, I guess. Ego boost. Boredom. The thrill of the chase. Stuff like that.
The p... (read in full...)
Good or bad idea to get ex girlfriend a present?
Q. Getting an ex girlfriend a christmas present, is that a good thing or is it a bad thing? I was just curious about other peoples opinion. ...
A. 29 November 2010: Bad idea.
There are a few people that at Xmas go hog wild with presents and give a little something to literally anybody they know. But normally, one gives Xmas presents to his /her nearest and dearest among a selection of people, therefore a gift... (read in full...)
My boyfriend does not celebrate X-Mas and I'm hurt by his apparent disregard to my my feelings
Q. Me and my boyfriend are on the verge of breaking up over this.. He doesn't celebrate xmas, he's not from the UK, but he knows how important it is for my family to be around each other at that time, and this year has been one hell of a difficul...
A. 21 November 2010: Yes you can.
It works like this :
a Muslim WOMAN is not allowed to marry anything else than a Muslim man, but a Muslim man can marry either a Muslim woman or a woman from the "people of the book " : Christian and Jewish. This may not encourag... (read in full...)
Is it normal for a boyfriend to want to wait to have sex?
Q. i have been with my boyfriend for a year and i am 16 in the uk he is recently turned 24. i love him etc.I think that this bit is great i asked him if he was ready or if he wanted to have sex /do the deed what ever ..and he said that he didnt wa...
A. 21 November 2010: This will probbaly sound a lame answer, but :
why don't you just ask him ?
Same as you asked him if he wanted to make love, now you can ask him why does he want to wait.
Yes, it is rare that men turn down sex ( but surely, not unheard of !... (read in full...)
Is it normal for a boyfriend to want to wait to have sex?
Q. i have been with my boyfriend for a year and i am 16 in the uk he is recently turned 24. i love him etc.I think that this bit is great i asked him if he was ready or if he wanted to have sex /do the deed what ever ..and he said that he didnt wa...
A. 21 November 2010: The age of consent is 16 in Uk .However it is illegal for a person over 18 to engage in sexual activity with an individual under the age of 18 unless between them there is an age difference of less than 2 years. (Sexual Offence Act 2003, Section ... (read in full...)
Condoms in the cupboard
Q. Found condoms in boyfriends cupboard...expired 2009. He said used with wife in 2004 then forgot about them. Ive Been with him since 2005 Does that make sense? ...
A. 21 November 2010: Yes it could be. Condoms expiration is 5 years. If the expiration date is 2009, he can have bought them and used them in 2004. ... (read in full...)
He's into me, but then he's not?
Q. I recently went out on a first date with a guy I met though a mutual friend. The first date went well. Throughout the date he mentioned future dates which made me think that was he was into me. Otherwise, why bring it up right? But he's sendi...
A. 21 November 2010: He can be into you without being wildly enthusiastic yet. After all, he barely knows you. He may like you without being smitten. Do you want to resent him because he did not fall in love at first sight ?
Relax and see what happens. He may have... (read in full...)
Should I keep in contact with him or just get on with life?
Q. I were with my boyfriend for 4 years and we broke up 2 months ago, he gave me reasons of break up were he wants to be alone and we have communication gap, after break up I beged him a lot about 1.5 months and tried to talk with him to clear but he ...
A. 21 November 2010: Move on. He told you in no uncertain terms that he wants to be alone, and that this is happiness for him.
If he should change his mind, it will be his own idea, not because you keep contacting him and insisting for what he can't give you.
If he... (read in full...)
Should Guys pay for everything on a date?
Q. So here's a question for everyone. When you're on a date with your girlfriend, does the guy have to pay for everything? I mean sure, it's nice if he did, but is there a rule that says that guy's have to pay everytime? Like when I go out w...
A. 21 November 2010: Like you say,it's nice if he does, but it's not an iron clad rule.
I guess it depends. If you are a surgeon and she is a student, you pay. But if you are broke and she is not, you can go Dutch and in fact she should offer to treat you some... (read in full...)
He acts like we are still a couple, is it so I won't move on?
Q. My boyfriend broke up with me two weeks ago now and ended with still wanting to be friends. Two days after the break up he invited me over and we ended up having sex, bad I know. He treats me like are still going out and leads me on and still texts ...
A. 21 November 2010: Wake up !
It means he is a little manipulative selfish bastard.
He wants you at his disposal for sexual convenience and ego boost, but he does not want to bother being in a relationship with you. He wants to be free to sleep around.
Of cours... (read in full...)
Should I take this job or look for something better?
Q. I'm in a bit of a dilemma...we have campus placements going on in our college. There's one job that i have a good chance of getting...and the location is quite close to where my bf stays... The thing is, this job is good; but the company isn...
A. 21 November 2010: I'd take it.
In the current economy, it's no so easy to land a job if you have no previous experience.
Plus, you say it's a good job, (regardless of being closer to your bf ). If you have something to put on your resume, it will be easier to look ... (read in full...)
She invited me to a birthday party at the last minute?
Q. How would you react if girl invited you to her birthday party at the last minute? A girl who's been flirting with me asked me to come to her birthday party a few weeks before that event, but she didn't specify the time and location, just t...
A. 21 November 2010: Yes. Noblesse oblige.
I'd write her back something like : happy birthday, I hope you'll have a great time. Unluckily, I can't join you on such a really short notice - maybe some other time .
Don't sweat it- don't make it a big deal
Just, ass... (read in full...)
My boyfriend does not celebrate X-Mas and I'm hurt by his apparent disregard to my my feelings
Q. Me and my boyfriend are on the verge of breaking up over this.. He doesn't celebrate xmas, he's not from the UK, but he knows how important it is for my family to be around each other at that time, and this year has been one hell of a difficul...
A. 21 November 2010: Precisely, OP : you accepted, or chose, to spend your wacation in his environment- you did not feel at ease and you did not like the experience, so you are not keen to repeat it anytime soon.
He accepted ,or chose, to join your Xmas cele... (read in full...)
My boyfriend does not celebrate X-Mas and I'm hurt by his apparent disregard to my my feelings
Q. Me and my boyfriend are on the verge of breaking up over this.. He doesn't celebrate xmas, he's not from the UK, but he knows how important it is for my family to be around each other at that time, and this year has been one hell of a difficul...
A. 20 November 2010: @Josh B667.
I have to disagree with you. To me, if you are sitting down with people to eat special foods and drink special drinks and exchange gifts on the birtday of a God that is not your God, this IS celebrating. So,if you don't want to cele... (read in full...)
I'm involved with a woman whose husband is abusive, what do I do?
Q. Where do I start. I am a 49 year old widower who is involved with a lovely woman who is in an abusive relationship which is beginning to turn into a nightmare for her. Unfortunately there are children involved, my son is 28, a doctor and lives...
A. 20 November 2010: OP,
this is not a matter of being judgemental. On can feel her heart bleed for you,- yet she is a married woman. Cheating is cheating, with or without sex. She told her husband she is involved with another man. Call it an emotional affair if you ... (read in full...)
Sex used to be a pleasure now it's just a chore!
Q. so i have been dating my ex foe about 7 months, hes 31 and im 29 and just recently broke up(at his request) mainly because i dould not give him "head" everyday or whenever he wanted it, or out in public, in the parking lot of the mall, la fitnes ...
A. 20 November 2010: Feeling bad for what ?
For not being the girlfriend of an insecure,clingy,controlling drunkard who does not respect you enough to not force you into sexual acts that you are not comfortable with ?
I would not feel bad, I would feel very good !
... (read in full...)
My girlfriend won't let me finish in her mouth!
Q. My girlfriend won't let me finish in her mouth. She is grossed out by semen. How do I get her to open up to the idea. She also does not want to experiment with taking it up the butt even though she did it with someone else previously. Is it disre...
A. 20 November 2010: Yes, it disrespectful. And very annoying too. I think that if you keep pushing this issue , she'll get fed up and may want to dump you.... (read in full...)
My girlfriend lives with another guy
Q. My Eastern European Girlfriend and I have been together for 3 years. We used to live together but because my job means I am now away for a lot of time time she has moved in to a flat with 3 of her freinds - two girls and a guy. She has addmit...
A. 20 November 2010: She is an adult and you are not entitled to try stopping her from doing anything.
The problem is another : do you trust her or not ?
Are there been any occurrences in the last 3 years in which you have found her unreliable, devious or insincer... (read in full...)
He is my FWB but I have fallen for him do I tell him?
Q. Hi i've been seeing this guy for a few months for sex after our short relationship ended because I'm moving away soon and he dosnt want to get hurt when I leave. At first I wasn't keen on him but the sex was good so it continued and now I have f...
A. 20 November 2010: You already know he does not like you "like that " ! He never find the time or money to go out with you, he only wants you for sex- and not that often, too, since you don't hear from him for weeks.
Getting involved in FWBs is always risky and unwi... (read in full...)
My boyfriend does not celebrate X-Mas and I'm hurt by his apparent disregard to my my feelings
Q. Me and my boyfriend are on the verge of breaking up over this.. He doesn't celebrate xmas, he's not from the UK, but he knows how important it is for my family to be around each other at that time, and this year has been one hell of a difficul...
A. 20 November 2010: Sorry, I had not seen your update. Then he IS Muslim. Just not observant.
I am not surprised at all he does not want to celebrate Xmas. He has been nice to make you happy once, last year, but obviously it's not his thing and he does not want to m... (read in full...)
My boyfriend does not celebrate X-Mas and I'm hurt by his apparent disregard to my my feelings
Q. Me and my boyfriend are on the verge of breaking up over this.. He doesn't celebrate xmas, he's not from the UK, but he knows how important it is for my family to be around each other at that time, and this year has been one hell of a difficul...
A. 20 November 2010: Respect is a two way street. And it's ok for you exposing him to your traditions , or gently inviting to know them better- but not forcing him to embrace them with tears and yells and emotional blackmails.
What's his reason for not "doing " Ch... (read in full...)
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