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... Send *indyCares a private message | | | *indyCares's profile:Hi everybody. I am an Italian woman currently living in Italy but I spent many years in England and USA. I hope my English is still decent but in case it got a little rusty, please be lenient.
My age ? Let say that I am way past the stage when you cry if the boy you like takes your best friend to the prom, and young enough to remember how awful that feels.
What qualifies me to help people- well, let me show off just a bit and mention that I studied Psychology 4 years in college, and, even if then I graduated in a different subject, I never lost my interest in psychology and kept reading a lot about this subject. Yet that does not really qualify me for anything because intellectual knowledge is not the same as real life experience. So let's say I feel I can advice people because I have lived a lot, travelled a lot, met a lot of people from all backgrounds , races and religions- I have loved a lot, and I have also been dumped a lot :)
Plus, I am really fascinated with people and their stories. Not in a gossipy way. I just find that every person is a whole new world that I am excited to discover.
Right now I am single- and happily so. I realized- better late than never - that rather than waiting for Prince Charming I should first become a Princess myself. You can't love anybody unconditionally, if first you don't love yourself unconditionally, and this is what I am learning to do.
Looking forward to hear from all of you..
Ciao
Cindy |
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| Latest articles: Devastation in Italy
This question has 2 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
26 August 2016: This has got nothing to do with romance or relationships or love- maybe with love for our fellow human beings, i.e. solidariety and compassion , so I hope that the mods will publish this regardless. On August 24th a devastating eartquak...
Ten best ways for a woman to be given her walking papers.
This question has 7 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
19 August 2014: Yeah I know : ultimately love is a mystery, not an exact science. There's always an element of sheer luck, of serendipity, of magic in it. Some times you do everything right, by the book, you are the perfect gf / wife / lover .. and you still get ...
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My life with Edward Cullen
Q. So there's this boy that I've been seeing recently, it's been 3 months since mine and my boyfriend's break-up after two and half years, I want to know if this is too soon to move on or if this amount of time is normal? But I would also like some a...
A. 15 December 2010: Again, don dispute your own wisdom. If in your own view the cons are many more than the pros, it's a losing proposition - give it a miss.
As for dinner, it's not such a big deal, you can have dinner with him if you want. After all, he had said... (read in full...)
My mom and sister are like the gruesome twosome!
Q. Please help! My sister has suffered from manic depression and a chronic eating disorder for the past seven years. Living at home with her had been an absolute nightmare! I stayed in my self-contained flat at the house because I wanted to be t...
A. 15 December 2010: You can't change people and their life, you can only change yourself and your life.
Obviously your sister ,( maybe your mom too ), has serious problems that would require consistent professional help.
All you can do for her is supporting her if s... (read in full...)
There are no romantic guys out there!
Q. I just got out of a horrible relationship of five years. the guys was a dick and never really did anything special for me ..I'm starting to believe that there are no romantic guys out there, or guys that like literature, and stuff i like.. the guy i ...
A. 15 December 2010: Romantic stuff is not all it's cracked up to be. I mean, it's nice, it's the icing on the cake - but it's not a sure sign of compatibility or committment or strong feelings ar anything.
My ex, after the first time that - ahem, insert pic of Aunt... (read in full...)
Its been a week and he hasn't called, should I forget about it?
Q. A few weeks ago, my roommate was telling me about a cute single friend of her boyfriend's and she thought I should meet him. Soon after, we met when a bunch of us (friends) went camping together and I was interested, so a couple weeks later I ...
A. 15 December 2010: I am sure there will be other Aunts advising you differently, and I don't dispute their wisdom, but personally I belong to the current of thought of "when there's a will there is a way " and I am wary of "busy " people.
I just finished reading Keit... (read in full...)
His teenage daughters and ex dictate his life!
Q. my boyf of two years has two kids - 18 yr old girl and 16 old boy who have never liked me even though i've made the effort but they claim they want to see their daddy 'alone'. we split up for 6 months and during that period they have started to ...
A. 15 December 2010: These are his kids - and it's a great thing that after divorce he could mantain a close relationship with them !
Kids come first - you must have known it when you accepted to date him. And objectively it does not sound like they want to run his ... (read in full...)
Once trust has gone, will it ever come back?
Q. once a womans trust is gone is that it? game over? how can trust be regained. how can you show a woman you mean what you say even though she doesnt believe a word you say. how can you show a woman youve changed if she wont even see you....
A. 14 December 2010: People do deserve a chance - as in ONE chance. From your other posts I have seen that you broke her trust TWICE.
You made a mistake, she forgave you, you promised you were not gonna do it again, you did it again.
Forgiving a first time is sort ... (read in full...)
Will a good man be willing to have a serious relationship with a single mom of 5?
Q. At the age of 15 I had a very abusive boyfriend. When he got me pregnant I broke up with him because I feared he would hurt my baby. I got back together with an ex-boyfriend and we wound up getting married and he has raised my daughter as his own. ...
A. 14 December 2010: I don't quite know how to answer because I sense that mostly you are seeking reassurance, which I can give you only partially.
In the sense that yes, never say never,in love anything can happen.
The hottest , most popular girl in my high sch... (read in full...)
He wants me to go to a music festival where the tickets are over $100!
Q. Simple question: My boyfriend wants to go to a music festival this summer and I really don't want to go. Do I cave in and say yes to going or keep saying no? Some of his friends are going and he thinks it'll be good. We've been to many festiva...
A. 14 December 2010: Not unless you are rich.
An over 100 $ ticket for a band that you don't even like sounds to me not a good but an excellent reason for staying at home !
If he really wants you to join him.... he could always pay your ticket too :)... (read in full...)
Do I ask both of her parents for permission to marry her/
Q. Alright, I will soon be asking my long-time girlfriend to marry me. Since the two of us come from rather traditional families, I want to ask for permission before I do so. Traditionally, one generally asks the father of the bride to be. However, ...
A. 14 December 2010: Ask her father.
No, I am not sexist :)
I assume that , by asking permission to marry, you are just doing a romantic gesture , dusting off an old-fashioned tradition. You have already decided with your future wife and you'd marry her anyway, ... (read in full...)
He broke up with me because he wanted to go out with other women
Q. Just when I think love can't any worse it does! I'm so livid right now I feel like all of my blood vessels are about to pop! Maybe I am in the wrong but I don't think so. My boyfriend turned up at my job and of all places three weeks ago to tell me ...
A. 14 December 2010: See, that's the thing with (many ,not all of course ) guys : as soon as they do something even remotely decent- they want a gold medal.
It's true that probably other men would have FIRST started seeing other women and THEN ditched you. He has ... (read in full...)
Miles apart, could we really meet someday?
Q. I'm 16 years old and I'm currently in an online relationship with a guy.He's from Canada,while I'm from Malaysia.I know,it really is far right?He's 17.Next year,he'll be going to college. We've been together for about 6 months now.We actually ...
A. 14 December 2010: A 16 y.o. girl in Malaysia and a 17 y.o. boy in Canada , which don't have much in common and little to talk about except their sexual curiosity.
I could tell you : forget it. It's never gonna happen.
But you would not listen anyway.
So I'll ... (read in full...)
Am I a loser if I live at home?
Q. Is it okay to live with your parents, I am just graduating from grad school, in two weeks but unfortunately I still live with my parents, and they bitch about coming home late and all that bullshit. I do not have a car yet and have a part time job, ...
A. 14 December 2010: I don't think it will matter. In the current state of economy , you are by no means the only one in this kind of situation. For a young person nowadays getting a "normal " life ( a car, a good job, her own apartment, etc. ) it's much more ... (read in full...)
When you cheat does it mean you really don't love your partner anymore?
Q. hi i just have a very simple question, i have been with my bf for 4 years now but i have recentley cheated on him for the first time ever and i am very confused about my feelings but i just wanted to know: when you cheat, does it really mean that ...
A. 14 December 2010: Maybe it just means you did not really love him to begin with.
It's easy to "love " somebody when there are no challenges, no obstacles,...no temptations. Much less when your loyalty is tested and you have to choose between what feels good to you ... (read in full...)
Will a woman always love her special man?
Q. slight follow up to my current main serious question posted on the 13th dec. will a woman always love that 1 special person no matter what? they might have afew bfs or loads, but is there always that special 1 that she will always have feelings fo...
A. 14 December 2010: No. Luckily. Life has a perpetual,forceful forward flow.
Some people resist it because they want to cling to the past. But eventually life is stronger. ... (read in full...)
Should I tell someone?
Q. One of my male friends, maybe "friend" isn't the right word, has repeatedly been trying to get with me behind his girlfriends back. For example: the other night i was out with friends and he was in town, which i didn't know at the time. All night ...
A. 14 December 2010: No. "Easy " and "not Gf material " are NOT synonimous. Anyway he shows he feels he has a chance to get into your pants without even bothering tryng too hard.
"Take me to your place " at the end of a drunken night out, "let's misbehave " "ama... (read in full...)
Should I tell someone?
Q. One of my male friends, maybe "friend" isn't the right word, has repeatedly been trying to get with me behind his girlfriends back. For example: the other night i was out with friends and he was in town, which i didn't know at the time. All night ...
A. 13 December 2010: Op, sorry, I did not mean the police either,- mine was an ( obviously feeble ) attempt at humour. A joke.
My point was simply : if you don't want him to make passes at you- you have to tell HIM. If you don't want him to bother you anymore- then... (read in full...)
I have vaginismus and thick hymen. I am ashamed and lonely.
Q. ~ASHAMED and LONELY~ I have vaginismus and thick hymen, which is the primary reason, while not the only, that has presented me with minimal relationship and sexual experience. I have never experience complete penal penetration, due to the ex...
A. 13 December 2010: Dear Op, I am not an OB/GYN and I am not so presumptuous to think that I know better than one !
I think though that maybe, like we all do, you "adapted" a bit her advice to your prefences and retained just the part of the advice you are Ok with... (read in full...)
Should I tell someone?
Q. One of my male friends, maybe "friend" isn't the right word, has repeatedly been trying to get with me behind his girlfriends back. For example: the other night i was out with friends and he was in town, which i didn't know at the time. All night ...
A. 13 December 2010: Whom do you want to tell ?... The police ?...
Being a sleaze it's not against the laws. Maybe it should be :)- it should be a misdemeanour and entail a heavy fine ,or community service; but it is not .
You have a very simple solution to your dil... (read in full...)
Should I just give in and text him, or not bother?
Q. Hi guys, So there is this guy that I like but he doesn't seem to put too much effort in...anyways, first he started texting me and we alternately texted back and forth, but it started becoming a bit sparse. so he texted me last about a week ago...
A. 13 December 2010: Since it's your turn, text him, but if after that the communication dwindles and fizzles again, - don't sweat it and look for someone more eager.
Btw ( it has not particularly got to do with this post,OP ) : from what I read on Dear Cupid it seem... (read in full...)
I made a mistake, and just want to be forgiven!
Q. Hello, I am desperate for some advice here. And im at a complete loss. Anything helps. So a few years ago I had dated a girl that I really liked, and it all worked out pretty well. Eventually, I started feeling constricted, and felt like I wasn...
A. 13 December 2010: James, forgive me but...this is ridicolous and all you've got to do is to realize how ridicolous this is and move on.
You made a mistake, you did absolutely all you could to fix things : phone calls, texts, e-meils, apologies, everything. It stil... (read in full...)
I'm pregnant and want to keep it but my fiance wants abortion
Q. I'm 20 years old , I have a 13 month old son ... My fiance has two children , we just found out three days ago I am pregnant.. At first I didnt know what I wanted to do , but now I realized I want to keep the baby.. We have talked about it and have ...
A. 13 December 2010: I must say that I appreciate your bf 's point of view and I can see how it would be much much wiser waiting that you have
an education, a steady income and a permanent place to live before bringing another child into the world. And until then... (read in full...)
Should we just spend Christmas with our repsective parents?
Q. My partner and I are both in our 40s and don't have children. My partner's mother was widowed 3 years ago and my mother died 8 months ago. This will be my father's first Christmas without her. I have 4 siblings of which only one is around to be with ...
A. 13 December 2010: A respectable point of view. But it's also good to show some solidarity to your own elderly parent on a special occasion. Your partner gets the other 364 days of the year.... (read in full...)
I have vaginismus and thick hymen. I am ashamed and lonely.
Q. ~ASHAMED and LONELY~ I have vaginismus and thick hymen, which is the primary reason, while not the only, that has presented me with minimal relationship and sexual experience. I have never experience complete penal penetration, due to the ex...
A. 13 December 2010: I don't think going the naturaly way is the most sensible option in your case, or even feasible.
While vaginismus has a strong psychological componenent and you might be able to overcome it by relaxation techniques or self hypnosis or any othe... (read in full...)
Dumped by an email!
Q. I was recently dumped by email this afternoon. We had only been dating 3 months, but I personally think it is cowardly after even one date. At the time I read the email, I wrote a response that was too polite, and did not express how I actually f...
A. 13 December 2010: Yeah,leave it that, don't spend one more atom of energy on this person.
As long as he is out of high school- and I assume he is :)- he must already know that dumping people by email is rude, disrespectful and coward. You would not be telling him ... (read in full...)
Girlfriend chose concert over me!
Q. Alright so there was this concert last night. Now my girlfriend had been looking forward to this concert for a while. It wasn't really a huge show....just a couple low key rappers. One of her friends bailed on her and I told her that I would go to ...
A. 13 December 2010: Nonsense. She had plans to go see this concert since a long time, you knew it and you were cool with that- you were OK with spending a few hours apart. It would have been nice you could have joined her, but since you could not , she just stuck to ... (read in full...)
Is this a superficial relationship or are we just normal teenagers?
Q. Is our relationship just a physical one, or do we just find each other really atractive? We have been dateing for 9 months now and around month 2 we did everything but sex, and started having sex at 6 months. Were both in high school and when we ...
A. 13 December 2010: You can make an experiment. Slow down with sex , or skip it altogether, for a while . If you still love to hang out together and always find things to talk about and do together etc., then there is a real connection. If you don't ,then it's mostly ... (read in full...)
Surely you wouldn't carry on sleeping with an ex if you didn't still love them?
Q. Ok here goes..... ready to be confused..... I was with a guy for just over 6 years, he ended the relationship just over a year ago as he said he didnt love me anymore, But a year on where still doing things a normal couple would do, we go to the...
A. 13 December 2010: Men can sleep with women they don't even like, imagine if they can't sleep with someone they don't love. Piece of cake.
As for the rest of your question, here's the traditional ,time-honoured Dear Cupid advice :
actions speak louder than words. M... (read in full...)
Boyfriend was robbed and says that if I love him I should go cash in my bonds and give it to him
Q. My boyfriend was robbed for several hundred dollars, right before Christmas. He has a 6 yr old we've been together for 3 1/2 yrs. The past year has been rocky because he cheated on me and I'm stiiill trying to regain all the trust. He says because ...
A. 12 December 2010: WHAAAT ?
Tell him that if this is what a real gf does, then you prefer to be a fake one.
We are talking about the underemployed bf who want you to move in with him so that he can have free use your car ,right ?....
P.S: : how do you know he was ... (read in full...)
Is it because he feels something more or he thinks that I do???
Q. I have been fuck buddies with a guy for quite a while now, but lately things are getting weird but for whatever reason we havent seen each other for a couple of weeks. That's because when one of us plans to chill something always comes up. Now he's ...
A. 12 December 2010: See ? Probably is just this. You canceled on him and he got miffed.
I would not do anything at all right now, after all you are not his gf but just a f.b., like you said ,- there are no obligations. Like if he is not in the mood, he is not even... (read in full...)
Should I tell my ex everything?
Q. Here's my angry little story. My ex and I have been broken up for a little over three months now, and I was deeply in love with her. We were in a long distance relationship and saw each other about once or twice every two months. And we were dating ...
A. 12 December 2010: There are 5 stages of grief you go through after a loss , ( it does not need to be a death, - also the end of a relationship is a loss ). Anger is stage 2, - it does not go away overnight. And it WON'T go on the rest of your life, unless you make ... (read in full...)
Why does he cheat, there's nothing binding him to me?
Q. I have been in a relationship with this guy for almost 4 yrs. I have caught him cheating on me a couple of times. But he insist that he want me and dont want to loose me. So why would a man cheat on you if he is really in love with you and dont want ...
A. 12 December 2010: He does not go be with the woman he cheated on you with, because he does not really love her either. A cheater only loves himself and his convenience.... (read in full...)
Should we just spend Christmas with our repsective parents?
Q. My partner and I are both in our 40s and don't have children. My partner's mother was widowed 3 years ago and my mother died 8 months ago. This will be my father's first Christmas without her. I have 4 siblings of which only one is around to be with ...
A. 12 December 2010: Sure, why not. If yours is a solid partnership, it's not such a big deal, you don't need to be joined at the hips. Be generous. You have all year round to be with your partner - and ( each of you ) many less occasions to spend time with the ... (read in full...)
My life with Edward Cullen
Q. So there's this boy that I've been seeing recently, it's been 3 months since mine and my boyfriend's break-up after two and half years, I want to know if this is too soon to move on or if this amount of time is normal? But I would also like some a...
A. 12 December 2010: Question No. 1) you get to decide. If you feel that after 3 months and a half you are ready to move on, then do. If you are forcing yourself to move on, then you'll have the rebound effect and most probably anything born in these circumstances will ... (read in full...)
He's telling him that if I don't give him a kid soon, he will leave!
Q. I don't have any children, but my boyfriend has a 5 year old daughter. He said he wants another kid soon. I'm 23, he's 24. I recently just graduated from college with a bachelor's degree and I'm currently looking for better employment (something to ...
A. 12 December 2010: You don't need to have a child, you already have got one : your boyfriend.... (read in full...)
Should I tell my ex everything?
Q. Here's my angry little story. My ex and I have been broken up for a little over three months now, and I was deeply in love with her. We were in a long distance relationship and saw each other about once or twice every two months. And we were dating ...
A. 12 December 2010: What would you accomplish ?
She has moved on and she is dating another guy, do you think she would particularly care if you feel angry ? Improbable.
What would you like to happen after your message ? Would you like to receive her hearfelt... (read in full...)
Don't feel attracted after 2 dates with internet dating site girl...
Q. Hi, i am hoping for advice as i met a girl on a dating site and we exchanged flirty texts before going on 2 dates. The first went well but she looked different as she was larger than her profile pictures showed, i decided to ignore that and took her ...
A. 12 December 2010: Be a gentleman and don't string her along.
Tell her the truth- but no need for excessive details ( don't tell her she is too fat for your tastes ). Tell her that , even if you enjoyed your two dates ( I guess it's true , since you kissed her and ... (read in full...)
Why does he cheat, there's nothing binding him to me?
Q. I have been in a relationship with this guy for almost 4 yrs. I have caught him cheating on me a couple of times. But he insist that he want me and dont want to loose me. So why would a man cheat on you if he is really in love with you and dont want ...
A. 12 December 2010: He cheats because he can. You took him back TWICE, so he knows that he can do whatever , then he just needs some sweet-talking and a few "I love yous " and everything is fine.
Why should he want to walk out and be scot free ? He does not need to m... (read in full...)
Is it because he feels something more or he thinks that I do???
Q. I have been fuck buddies with a guy for quite a while now, but lately things are getting weird but for whatever reason we havent seen each other for a couple of weeks. That's because when one of us plans to chill something always comes up. Now he's ...
A. 12 December 2010: I am no as optimistic as the other Aunts because I have yet to see any FWB situation upgraded to something more serious. Never say never, of course, - just ,statistically speaking, "he feels something more " is not the most probable answer.
W... (read in full...)
I've never even owned a fish, how are we going to compromise on owning a dog?
Q. Me and my boyfriend are planning on moving in together soon. We have always been opposites when it comes to pretty much everything. But now we are having a problem. We cant decide on what type of dog to get. He has ALWAYS wanted a German Shepard. ...
A. 11 December 2010: There are breeds who live well in apartment, they have a low level of indoor activity and ,once they have gone for their "hygienic " walks, they are sort of couch potatoes.
Basset hounds, dachsunds. Beagles . Other breeds too...but they are... (read in full...)
Love Letter with a Twist
Q. Dear Cupid. Hello. My girlfriend and I broke up over a silly issue two months ago. Our first and thus far, last fight. That's fine; we've both moved on. Being Christmas and all, I wrote her a thank you, merry Christmas and happy new year letter. ...
A. 11 December 2010: There is never anything wrong in wishing good things to people. I just don't see much point in it, since supposedly both of you have moved on and require no further contacts..?... (read in full...)
How do I stop myself from losing all hope of ever finding my Prince Charming?
Q. I'm 20 years old and only a year from graduating college. I am the epitome of a hopeless romantic. My bookshelf consists of piles of historical and contemporary romances, love poems and fairy tales. I spend my Friday nights watching romantic ...
A. 11 December 2010: It is a bit too early to get so discouraged , dear OP !
You are only 20 ! Why so negative ?... Why, I a have a son who's older than you and I still feel that I COULD meet
someone absolutely special , ( even if not necessarily princely ) !
It's ... (read in full...)
Love Letter with a Twist
Q. Dear Cupid. Hello. My girlfriend and I broke up over a silly issue two months ago. Our first and thus far, last fight. That's fine; we've both moved on. Being Christmas and all, I wrote her a thank you, merry Christmas and happy new year letter. ...
A. 11 December 2010: No, don't send it.
Pushing your sexual fantasies upon a girl that's not connected to you anymore, and maybe does not even want to be connected anymore, is inappropriate, invasive and arrogant.
Girls don't want to hold on to proof of what lover th... (read in full...)
I've never even owned a fish, how are we going to compromise on owning a dog?
Q. Me and my boyfriend are planning on moving in together soon. We have always been opposites when it comes to pretty much everything. But now we are having a problem. We cant decide on what type of dog to get. He has ALWAYS wanted a German Shepard. ...
A. 10 December 2010: See if you can find a book called "The right dog for you "
by Daniel F. Tortora ( published by Simon and Schuster ).
It's a helpful tool for choosing a breed that matches your personality,family and lifestyle.
I would not recommend you a ... (read in full...)
How do I stop myself from losing all hope of ever finding my Prince Charming?
Q. I'm 20 years old and only a year from graduating college. I am the epitome of a hopeless romantic. My bookshelf consists of piles of historical and contemporary romances, love poems and fairy tales. I spend my Friday nights watching romantic ...
A. 7 December 2010: I am a big Jane Austen fan, I read each of her novels maybe ten times or more.
And you know what I most admire in her ?
That she is very practical and down to earth. She tells it like it is. She's more into Sense than into Sensibil... (read in full...)
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