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... Send *indyCares a private message | | | *indyCares's profile:Hi everybody. I am an Italian woman currently living in Italy but I spent many years in England and USA. I hope my English is still decent but in case it got a little rusty, please be lenient.
My age ? Let say that I am way past the stage when you cry if the boy you like takes your best friend to the prom, and young enough to remember how awful that feels.
What qualifies me to help people- well, let me show off just a bit and mention that I studied Psychology 4 years in college, and, even if then I graduated in a different subject, I never lost my interest in psychology and kept reading a lot about this subject. Yet that does not really qualify me for anything because intellectual knowledge is not the same as real life experience. So let's say I feel I can advice people because I have lived a lot, travelled a lot, met a lot of people from all backgrounds , races and religions- I have loved a lot, and I have also been dumped a lot :)
Plus, I am really fascinated with people and their stories. Not in a gossipy way. I just find that every person is a whole new world that I am excited to discover.
Right now I am single- and happily so. I realized- better late than never - that rather than waiting for Prince Charming I should first become a Princess myself. You can't love anybody unconditionally, if first you don't love yourself unconditionally, and this is what I am learning to do.
Looking forward to hear from all of you..
Ciao
Cindy |
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| Latest articles: Devastation in Italy
This question has 2 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
26 August 2016: This has got nothing to do with romance or relationships or love- maybe with love for our fellow human beings, i.e. solidariety and compassion , so I hope that the mods will publish this regardless. On August 24th a devastating eartquak...
Ten best ways for a woman to be given her walking papers.
This question has 7 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
19 August 2014: Yeah I know : ultimately love is a mystery, not an exact science. There's always an element of sheer luck, of serendipity, of magic in it. Some times you do everything right, by the book, you are the perfect gf / wife / lover .. and you still get ...
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I am not religious but have certain beliefs about virginity. Is this hard to appreciate?
Q. I am currently an 33 year old atheist and virgin. I used to be a devoted christian, but lost my faith some years ago. However, my feelings towards sex has remained the same (or even grown stronger) meaning that I still feel that sex should be ...
A. 9 January 2011: If I were a single girl, I would not have much of a problem with a 33 y.o. virgin... I'd have more of a problem with a guy who quotes Marylin French...
Lol. Just kidding. Forgive me, OP, bear with me. It's my viper streak, some times I just can'... (read in full...)
Why did he have to be so graphic about this woman?
Q. I sometimes work on the holidays, during school vacation...so... I knew this guy for about two years. We are kinda close but I only would like us to be friends and nothing more. We would talk about many topics: marriage, sex, life...in...
A. 7 January 2011: But... what do you actually want from this guy ?
You say you want you two just to be friends and nothing more.
So, what is it, are your male friends not allowed to joke or comment about other girls ?... He was not being "graphic", he was just jok... (read in full...)
How can I get her to choose between her existing boyfriend and me,whom she loves too?
Q. Its about my life..please read below n advice me... We(me and the girl whom i love..lets calld D) became best friend just two weeks before..it's been a year we became close to each other.. Just before a year. We'd been to educational tour from col...
A. 7 January 2011: Sorry, I tend to agree with your friends, I believe that she is keeping you around out of more selfish reasosn than true love. She SAYS she love you, and who knows, maybe she is even in good faith, she believes she loves you, but, at the end of the ... (read in full...)
I only attract attached men!
Q. I'm a reasonably attractive, university educated, independent woman in my mid 20's, i'd say i'm humorous, chilled out, my years in 'customer service' have led me to have an understanding of people- i'd say i'm an extremely loyal friend, and about as ...
A. 7 January 2011: Random guess since I don't know you, but I think it's not bad luck, it's a personality/body language thing.
You sound like someone bubbly, vivacious, assertive. You probably send out vibes of approachability and openness- which may easily be mist... (read in full...)
My boyfriend wants me to lose weight!
Q. Help! My boyfriend has a problem with my weight. I think I'm pretty hot though, and not overweight at all. I am 5'6 and weigh 132 lbs. His problem is, I've gained weight since we've been together. When we first met, I was a professional dancer and ...
A. 7 January 2011: So, is he giving all this aggravation over ...all of 7 pounds ?? ...You gained about 3 kg - and he is making a fuss about it ?....Unbelievable.
He must be either a fitness nazi, or a control freak.
NEXT !... (read in full...)
I am not religious but have certain beliefs about virginity. Is this hard to appreciate?
Q. I am currently an 33 year old atheist and virgin. I used to be a devoted christian, but lost my faith some years ago. However, my feelings towards sex has remained the same (or even grown stronger) meaning that I still feel that sex should be ...
A. 6 January 2011: Well, it's not unimaginable, and anyway this is your choice and like any heartfelt choice has to be respected.
You will be aware , though, that it is a very unusual choice, and, like anything unusual, is bound to draw curiosity ,even perp... (read in full...)
Should I let my 13 year old sister be with a 21 year old? She claims they are in love!
Q. Hey aunts, once again, my little 13 year sister ( who lives with me in my apartment with my boyfriend because of our parents divorce.. Long story) has given me trouble once again. It first started when my after school job hours changed, and I ...
A. 6 January 2011: In this case,it does.
She 13 and he 21 ?!
That would make eyebrows rise even in some mud hut village along the banks of the Amazonas river !
Keep the 21 y.o. guy away, tell him that if if shows up again you 'll press charges. He has been molesti... (read in full...)
Sex: I tend to do things I don’t want to, to avoid making a scene
Q. I'm basically just curious I’ve only slept with a few people and tend to do things I don’t want to, to avoid making a scene... I guess. It's just a few general questions about sex and what other people think. You don’t have to answer them all, ...
A. 6 January 2011: 1) Keep a Kleenex at hand .
2) Yes,of course
3) You are gonna have a variety of responses because basically sex is all about personal preferences, there is no " one size fits all". Some women like it, some hate it.
The point is : start doing ... (read in full...)
My ex still texts me. Should I tell his new girlfriend?
Q. Hi guys, you may have read my previous question about my situation with my ex.. complicated as it is! (and I recommend that you read that question first so that this one makes sense!)I made the decision to move out of the house that we lived in and ...
A. 6 January 2011: I would not tell her. People often tends to shoot the messenger , she would probably not believe you, she d'd choose to think that you are just jealous and stirring up trouble.
And anyway , it's none of your business. I am all for sisterhood, but ... (read in full...)
Is there any hope for my sister? Her guy can be a monster to her.
Q. my sister dated a guy for a year, and a half she got pregnant after 6 months of dating. He during that 6 months broke up with her every month, because he always found something wrong with her. she never fought back just left his house when he gave ...
A. 6 January 2011: I don't think so. But it is a moot point, IMO. Because it SHOULD NOT work. Meaning, you have to to draw the line somewhere. And the point where drawing it becomes a must,is physical abuse.
You mention that happened already, occasion... (read in full...)
What do men think about short women?
Q. What do men think about short women? Are they cuter than a girl that's of average height? I'm really into this girl that's 5 ft. I'm 6 ft 3 and she always jokes that I'm a giant compared to her. I don't think our height difference is a problem, but ...
A. 6 January 2011: If there is a problem, they must have forgotten to warn me.
I am 5'3", all my partners have been between 6' and 6'4" ( yes, I like them tall ).
Never got any complaint- never found anything to complain concerning height difference . Least of... (read in full...)
Are the chances slim that this relationship will work?
Q. I was dating a guy for a few months before I got pregnant. My daughter is now 2 yrs old and I am still in love with him. He left a few weeks after I found out, so we havnt been together for about 3 years. We have had an off and on friendship though. ...
A. 6 January 2011: Chances are they won't. You have not been in a serious relationshipwith him for the last 3 years and in the last 2 it has basically turned to FWB.I still have to see an FWB upgraded to steady, committed relationship. And the fact that not even ... (read in full...)
Guy with definite mixed signals!
Q. I like this guy who is very much a ladies man! he has never admitted he likes me but gets with me sometimes and texts me quite a lot, I know he talks to other girls so it isn't just me but I know all he wants is sex because thats what he tells me ...
A. 6 January 2011: These are not mixed signals! These are clear, inequivocable signals that he is not that into you, except for casual, uncomplicated,low maintenance sex.
If you want to see his being occasionally sweet and nice to you in person as a sign of a real... (read in full...)
For the girls: Is an uncircumcised penis a deal breaker?
Q. Is an uncircumcised penis a deal breaker? Only for women...
A. 5 January 2011: An advice for the anon female who finds uncut penises repulsive-
don't ever move to Europe then. Nobody is circumcised here ( unless they are Jewish or Muslim - a small minority ).
We are talking about millions and millions and millions of guys ... (read in full...)
Is this all he can offer or should I push him for more?
Q. Sorry if this long or not a specific question but I just need some advice on what to do and how to handle the situation I'm in.... Met a guy 8 mths ago and fell head over heels and it got intense very quickly. He admitted he had commitment issues a...
A. 5 January 2011: It is only confusing if you want to be confused :)
The first sign of a person who cares is consistency in his behaviour and attitude. Blowing hot and cold is the opposite of caring.
The fact that he is tactile and affectionate when he is with you... (read in full...)
She has ignored me since I called her out for slapping me!
Q. Should my friend Jill be ignoring me because I called her out for slapping me in the face? It was new years eve, a friends house, according to her It was my "stupid little comments about everything" that gave her the idea to slap me in front of a ...
A. 5 January 2011: If it's not over, it should be , and you should make sure it's over . For good.
What kind of a "friend " is one who hits you ?! - repeatedly ,so we can't even say it was a totally exceptional ,random thing .And, apparently, she does not even unde... (read in full...)
Am I a terrible person to behave this way when I should be giving support?
Q. Am i a terrible person to behave this way when i should be giving support? My partner and i have been having this on off relationship for sometime now, he has moved out. The thing is we have 2 kids, my youngest is 2 and when he was a baby, about ...
A. 5 January 2011: Sadly, at some point everybody's parents will get sick,- or old and frail- and eventually die.
This is no excuse for cheating and manipulating and telling lies.
A)He's going through a rough time because his mom has cancer
B) He has shown he is ... (read in full...)
I feel like my infertility is hindering his happiness....
Q. I am aged 31 and have been married for 3 years. I have had an admired relationship with a faithful husband who has always been on my side and supported me. By the time of our marriage, my husband had a 4 year old son who we have happily lived with ...
A. 5 January 2011: He HAS a child ! Just not with you.
At most, you could be the one who feels unhappy about being childless ( not that you should- you have many other things to be happy about , including a happy marriage and a loved stepson ). But your husband alre... (read in full...)
My mom read my sexual texts and then called me a slag!
Q. Okay so ive been meeting and sort of casually seeing a guy now for about 4 months, call us friends with benefits if you like, but we like each other.. we were texting last night, rather sexual messages, we werent having phone sex or anything, but ...
A. 5 January 2011: In partial agreement with the previous poster, I think your mom had a knee-jerk reaction to facing the fact that your are an adult with an adult sex life, and not just her cute pure little angel. This is something that she knew rationally, but had ... (read in full...)
Opinions from neutral parties needed...
Q. So I guess i'm just looking for opinions, hopefully reassurance...My girlfriend and I had been together for 3.5 years. We always fought and argued and were short with eachother and fought in front of our friends. I don't remember when it started, ...
A. 4 January 2011: Typical "dog in the manger " syndrome.
You did not want her- but you don't want anybody else to have her.
You were not that into her, but now that SHE does not want you, all of a sudden ,she becomes interesting again.
That's not about love, that's... (read in full...)
I know he's going to hurt me again, but I cant let go.
Q. Well... I've always been really closed with my emotions and never let myself fall for anybody properly in case I lose them. Around half a year ago, I met this boy and although I knew it would be more than likely that he'd turn out to be really bad ...
A. 4 January 2011: Sorry about your loss. It's normal that now you feel particularly vulnerable , and you are afraid to face one more " loss ". But you can use this loss to gain strength, and coping skills. Now you don't have a mom anymore, so you have to sort of ... (read in full...)
In love with a bad boy: Should I give him more time to change or am I being too caring?
Q. Alright so, I figured I'd try a website like this out so I could get the opinions of people that arent biased. I've been dating this guy for almost 3 months now, and makes me happy, He's an overall good boyfriend, and never ceases to try to make m...
A. 4 January 2011: You are not too caring and giving, you are too dangerously naive and misinformed.
You seem to consider cocaine use as some pesky , "not so nice " habit similar to picking his nose or scratching his butt : he will stop if you tell him nicely that... (read in full...)
Is this all he can offer or should I push him for more?
Q. Sorry if this long or not a specific question but I just need some advice on what to do and how to handle the situation I'm in.... Met a guy 8 mths ago and fell head over heels and it got intense very quickly. He admitted he had commitment issues a...
A. 4 January 2011: Push him for more and you'll see him run faster than Usain Bolt.
He does not want more, he told you. Several times. "I have committment issues " "I can't handle a relationship " " We can only meet as friends" ( with benefits, apparently ) But more... (read in full...)
I'm afraid he would force me to do something I don't want to if I go do other things with him.
Q. theres this guy who really likes me but he only wants to have sex with me like sometimes i want to then other times i feel kind of dirty talking to him because he will talk about all the stuff he wants to do with me. he is three years older then me ...
A. 3 January 2011: Sweetheart, if you have even the least, smallest suspicion that this boy would not respect your boundaries, and would force you, or try to force you , to do some sexual act that you don't want to do... then the answer is simple and inequivocable : ... (read in full...)
Is my boyfriend just being disrespecful and a prick?
Q. Dear cupid, So i have been dating this guy for 4 months. At frist he was really sweet. However, lately he has been very sexual. He always asking me to send him dirty pictures, make a sex video, and do naughty things. Also, for x-mas all he wan...
A. 3 January 2011: Yep. Disrespectful and a prick is an understatement.
And the part about him wanting to parade shirtless around your house so that your parents would know he had taken your virginity....that gave me chills. I guess it was a joke, but in a very... (read in full...)
Is he leading me on? Does he just want a friend with benefits? I'm confused
Q. Ok so I met this guy a couple years ago and we were friends with benefits for a short while. Then in the begining of 09 he moved out of state but we started talking again right before he moved. We really liked each other but lost touch again soon ...
A. 3 January 2011: Uhm. I have never seen an FWB upgraded to the status of serious relationship. I don't say it can't ever,ever happen - but the general idea in this cases seems to be " if it ain't broke don't fix it ".
It sounds your FWB feels the same. But he said... (read in full...)
My older brother said I can, but should I go for it?
Q. I'm a 14 year old male and am still a virgin. My older brother is 17 and has been sleeping with a couple girls since he was 13 and said I could sleep with them if I wanted. I have never seen her but I know she's hot. Should I go for it even though ...
A. 3 January 2011: No.
I understand the offer is tempting for you, but, first of all, you don't need to have sex at 14. It's way too early, no matter what your bro says, and btw, it's against the law.
Second, when it will be your time, be your own person and find you... (read in full...)
Can and should a relationship continue once violence has started?
Q. Last night my boyfriend and I got really drunk at my place to try and re-celebrate our new years. We were both running off 5 hours of sleep that night and I was very moody due to the time of the month. He also has bipolar disorder and has frequent ...
A. 3 January 2011: No.
A relationship cannot, and must not, continue after violence has started. For your mutual protection- and because after a physical attack it's just not a relationship anymore. Physical abuse, no matter the gender it comes from, is the ulti... (read in full...)
Why does my ex contact me and then ignore me?
Q. I was seeing my ex boyfriend for nine months when I ended it - during that time he told me he loved me and wanted us to go on holiday together this year but also twice he stopped speaking to me for an overall period of four weeks and I never knew ...
A. 3 January 2011: You don't get it- but the good news is , you don't need to get it- he is an ex !
Just for the pleasure of mental speculation, my guess is that it's the usual ego thing. You ex does not want to be with you , but he likes the idea you are still carr... (read in full...)
I think she says this just to make me feel good
Q. She says she's sexually intimidated by me, yet she's had quite a few sexual partners she's had 6 before me, she's in her mid 20's and has had some pretty wild sex from what she's told me, so how can she be intimidated by me, when we've been going at ...
A. 3 January 2011: Yours is a strange comment, I don't quite get it. If she says she feels intimidated by you to make you feel good.... I wonder what she would say if she wanted to make you feel bad ! IMO, "you are intimidating me " is far from a compliment. ... (read in full...)
'Taken' guy wants me to be 'open with him', then acts cold..
Q. Hello, I have recently made friends with a guy who is in a long term relationship. Whilst at a friends wedding I become upset and he comforted me and held me really close when I said I was sorry he said he wanted me to be open with him ( we we...
A. 3 January 2011: He is in a long term relationship and he does not want to get in trouble. Probably your friend's comment made him realize that other people may perceive you two getting closer or being friendly as being flirty ,or being attracted to each ... (read in full...)
Does this make me a terrible girlfriend?
Q. My boyfriend is a "musician", or so he tries. I personally can't stand listening to him sing. I just don't have the heart to tell him that. Instead I suffer in silence. We haven't even been dating a year yet, and the noise is beginning to get under ...
A. 3 January 2011: You are not a terrible girlfriend, but you may not be the right person to share a future with him. If music, singing, playing instruments, ( whether he's good at it or bad it's not really relevant ) is more than just a passing fancy for him, but ... (read in full...)
Am I too sensitive to my mother's needs and too hard on my husband?
Q. My husband and I have been married for 10 years. My 83 year old mom moved in with us about 6 months ago. My husband hates my mom. He only bids her the time of day and doesn't say anything else to her. This is very uncomfortable for me and my ...
A. 3 January 2011: You don't specify in which way your husband creates a horrible atmosphere at home. Or maybe you did, when you
mentioned he barely speaks to your mom. But it all depends. If he manages to be civil, polite and respectful... well, frankly that's alre... (read in full...)
How do people have one-night stands or loveless sex?
Q. Hi, OK, this is gonna sound naive, but it is sincere. I am a heterosexual male in my late 30s and I do not understand one-night stands, or having sex with a stranger (like a prostitute) or someone you don't love. I mean, I understand the sex...
A. 3 January 2011: There is plenty of people ( mostly men, but some women too ) that can easily separate sex from feelings/emotions and see them as unrelated.
These people love the sensation- not necessarily the person who provides it.
I had some trouble myself t... (read in full...)
I am horrible to my girlfriend when drunk
Q. I want to know peoples views on what I should do, and how I can ensure this never happens again. This new years myself and my girlfriend went to a party. I got extremely drunk. I hurt my girfriend's wrists by holding them extremely hard (...
A. 2 January 2011: I know this is an obvious answer but honestly I can't think of another one : stop drinking.
Apparently you drink to the dangerous point of being totally out of control- or maybe you don't drink a lot in terms of quantity but you are a person who ... (read in full...)
Why does he continue to hurt me even though we're broken up?
Q. I broke up a year ago with my 6 yrs fiance which was a distant relationship. He had another girlfriend where he lived and when he came for a visit to make the marriage ceremony he created an excuse and suddenly wanted to solve his family problem to ...
A. 2 January 2011: No darling, I don't think he cares about having hurt you , I don't think he will realize it in future, or even that he will give much thought about it- and if he'll have a hint of remorse, he will chase it away and make up something in his mind to ... (read in full...)
Do you think it's possible that we're actually in love at such a young age?
Q. Hi(: Okay, as you all know adults and even other teens say when your in high school you think you're in love but you don't know what love is. Well, I've been with mmy boyfriend for almost 15 months now and honestly I can say I love him. I...
A. 31 December 2010: Of course it's possible you are in love at 15 ,in fact what better age for being in love...:)
Is it really true love,is it just a teenage crush.....we really can't say without knowing you and your bf, but, you know what- there are many diff... (read in full...)
Am I right to leave him due to his impotence?
Q. i am married for 5 years now my husband is impotent i am really hurt that he hid this fact from me. i want to leave him now is this my right decision....
A. 21 December 2010: If you mean he is unable to have intercourse and never told you about his condition before marrying you, it may be the right decision.
Physical love is a relevant,intrinsic part of the marriage bond,
even the most traditional religions recogniz... (read in full...)
Is it normal to be in a relationship and not use tongues?
Q. This isn't anything serious - I saw a question yesterday and it got me thinking. I hate snogging (as in kissing with tongues.)I've been with my boyfriend for a while now (just over a year) and when we first started dating that's how we used to kiss ...
A. 20 December 2010: Very interesting.
I guess it's a cultural thing.
Not only in France but in Italy too kisses are French :).
Never met anybody who thought they'd skip them altogether !
It's true though that kissing is an art and that there are many awful kisse... (read in full...)
Did I deserve getting hurt?
Q. Before i write this i know some people are probably thinking i deserved what happened but here goes. I was out one night with some friends and a guy i know was there too. Me and him had a casual thing a while ago but that finished. I regr...
A. 20 December 2010: OP, first of all,like other posters say, you did not deserve being hurt because nobody deserves being hurt .
For the rest I am with Cerberus and no, I don't think he is ( or I am ) "blaming the victim ". Only, there is a difference between faul... (read in full...)
He's married, but I want him back. What should I do?
Q. i had been in affair with married man for 7 months. i knew having sex with married man is no good. but he was a good looking 47 years man and he has a nice body. first, he drove me home after work and he was saying he had cheated his wife befo...
A. 20 December 2010: I don't think he will- if he has any common sense.
The guy was a serial cheater. A lucky one, because he never get caught, before you.
When he get caught cheating with you, his wife displayed admirably some backbone by kicking him out without ... (read in full...)
How to make sex more enjoyable.
Q. Hi, i know your probably going to say i shouldnt be having sex but i am. Well (clearly) im sexually active with my boyfriend. His had sex before but i havnt, he was my first. we have only had sex a total of 6times. Each time he doesnt rea...
A. 20 December 2010: You guessed right, you should not be having sex at all.
I commend you though for at least having properly arranged for protection from accidental pregnancies and STDs.
Your sexual unresponsivity might very well be a sign that you weren't /aren't ... (read in full...)
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