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... Send *indyCares a private message | | | *indyCares's profile:Hi everybody. I am an Italian woman currently living in Italy but I spent many years in England and USA. I hope my English is still decent but in case it got a little rusty, please be lenient.
My age ? Let say that I am way past the stage when you cry if the boy you like takes your best friend to the prom, and young enough to remember how awful that feels.
What qualifies me to help people- well, let me show off just a bit and mention that I studied Psychology 4 years in college, and, even if then I graduated in a different subject, I never lost my interest in psychology and kept reading a lot about this subject. Yet that does not really qualify me for anything because intellectual knowledge is not the same as real life experience. So let's say I feel I can advice people because I have lived a lot, travelled a lot, met a lot of people from all backgrounds , races and religions- I have loved a lot, and I have also been dumped a lot :)
Plus, I am really fascinated with people and their stories. Not in a gossipy way. I just find that every person is a whole new world that I am excited to discover.
Right now I am single- and happily so. I realized- better late than never - that rather than waiting for Prince Charming I should first become a Princess myself. You can't love anybody unconditionally, if first you don't love yourself unconditionally, and this is what I am learning to do.
Looking forward to hear from all of you..
Ciao
Cindy |
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| Latest articles: Devastation in Italy
This question has 2 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
26 August 2016: This has got nothing to do with romance or relationships or love- maybe with love for our fellow human beings, i.e. solidariety and compassion , so I hope that the mods will publish this regardless. On August 24th a devastating eartquak...
Ten best ways for a woman to be given her walking papers.
This question has 7 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
19 August 2014: Yeah I know : ultimately love is a mystery, not an exact science. There's always an element of sheer luck, of serendipity, of magic in it. Some times you do everything right, by the book, you are the perfect gf / wife / lover .. and you still get ...
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How to make sex more enjoyable.
Q. Hi, i know your probably going to say i shouldnt be having sex but i am. Well (clearly) im sexually active with my boyfriend. His had sex before but i havnt, he was my first. we have only had sex a total of 6times. Each time he doesnt rea...
A. 20 December 2010: You guessed right, you should not be having sex at all.
I commend you though for at least having properly arranged for protection from accidental pregnancies and STDs.
Your sexual unresponsivity might very well be a sign that you weren't /aren't ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend becomes verbally abusive when he drinks
Q. When I first met my boyfriend he was always a gentleman and always made sure to say the sweetest things. As time went by we began to hang out and I began to fall for his act of kindness. Off the bat I knew this relationship was not an attraction ...
A. 20 December 2010: Ok, my friend- time to show some backbone :)
Self esteem is like love : it's not what you say, it's what you DO.
You can swagger as much as a Pirate of the Caribbeans , but if in practice your actions belie your moral values and your self - i... (read in full...)
How can I ask a girl out without leaving any room for her to back out of the date?
Q. In short, there has been a girl I've known for a long time and I've been wanting to ask her out for a while. However, with me, and as well as other guys, she's been known to back out of a date for any reason, and number one is for "being swamped". ...
A. 19 December 2010: I remember your story, I don't remember if I answered you or if I just meant to, but I am afraid I am one of those people who would tell you to let go.
It sounds like she may have been willing to save your life, yet she is not willing to go out ... (read in full...)
Open relationships never work....
Q. So I am in an open relationship with someone, let's call him Bob. I've never liked someone so much in my life but Bob had to move out of the country. We keep in touch and although I haven't seen Bob for 3 months, I can't get him out of my head. He's ...
A. 19 December 2010: I don't think you can make Bob feel guilty, because he has done nothing wrong.
You may see as wrong his preference for open relationships, but if it is so why did you endorse it fraction by accepting to be into one ?
He did not force yo... (read in full...)
He's a waste of space!!!
Q. I'm a 26 year old female with a 2 month old babe, my boyfriend is 22 and all he wants to do is rap, and worry about what he needs done or paid off, but anything i have to do is not important to him, his actions give it away, he doesnt do anything ...
A. 19 December 2010: Have you thought that keeping around this C-list gigolo is actually preventing you from doing right by your child ??
All the hard earned cash that you are wasting on this moocher, is money that you could ( and should ) spend on your child inst... (read in full...)
I Need To Know, Should I Stay or Should I Go?
Q. This is my dilemna. I had been dating a man until thsi past summer, when we for various reasons decided to cool it and remain friends. He is now dating somebody else, and I have to admit I am really jealous and furious about it, and I have let it ...
A. 19 December 2010: Uhm... I would cut my losses. There is nothing particularly confusing in a man who is in a relationship with another woman. He is with her, period. He may not be blissfully happy, sure- but obviously he is not so unhappy to leave her.
I think that... (read in full...)
I miss talking to him and wonder if I overreacted?
Q. I met this guy a few months ago after moving to a new city and we seem to really hit it off. When I first met him, I just got out of a relationship and wasn't looking for anything other than friendship. I made this very clear to him. We never got ...
A. 19 December 2010: I don't think you overreacted. As you pointed out, repeatedly cancelling dates at the last minute is just rude, whomever it comes from, friend or love interest.
You don't need having rude "friends " around.... (read in full...)
How do I tell my friend to update his language and stop sounding ridiculous?
Q. Hi, I'm a freshman and I have this best friend "JP". I use slang a lot when I talk: aiight, fookie, stresst, heated, blawk, gucci, boi, fit, madd, sick, tight, etc. It just kinda rolls off my tongue jst as well as the next guy. this kind of language ...
A. 18 December 2010: Aight.
Tell him :
yo,JP my dog, I not gonna diss you, but the way you talk ...ain't no ace, ya no what I mean ? You gotta make it more active. Peeps are wailing on you, and I not gonna always be around and get your back :)
Ok, seriously no... (read in full...)
My partner and I had a really nasty violent argument... I don't know what to do?
Q. I really done know where to start... my partner and I had a really nasty argument,to the extent he physically hurt me. He is being very secretive with his phone and says its about his divorce, but normally he would show me. I did discovered a few ...
A. 18 December 2010: Like Dear Jilly, I saw your follow up and I am amazed.
Look, I don't take it personally if the posters ignore my advice. Heck,generally I can't even convince my own son, or my own cleaning lady as for that- to do what I want. Imagine if I want... (read in full...)
My first, but he does not want the blood when its expected.
Q. Hi agony aunts! Im 15 and in a serious LDR. We spoke about what if we had sex. It would be my first, not his. But OUR first together. Obviously not soon, but what really bugged me was that I was asked if I had popped my cherry, I said no. I don't...
A. 18 December 2010: Then he'll have to give it a miss- there's no way to know beforehand if you will bleed or not.
You should find yourself someone less squeamish.... (read in full...)
Sexually frustrated and there's nothing I can do about it
Q. hey everyone! so i have this problem...kinda... so im 14...long story short...i had sex with this guy..."for fun" and that was the first and only time i did it...and it was great! and fun! and amazing! but heres the thing...i cant have sex with him...
A. 18 December 2010: rcn is totally spot on, I'll just take it a step further :
why do you need a guy to feel pretty, indeed,
and why do you need to feel pretty to begin with.
I mean, being pretty is an added bonus, sure, but I wonder if you are equally concerned ab... (read in full...)
I feel this relationship is one sided
Q. What should i do? Well, i love my girlfriend and she loves me. We have been going out now for 10 months and she told me at 6 months that she had decided to practice abstinence at a young age, and she had expected for me to break up with her. I d...
A. 18 December 2010: I don't see why you want her to put an " effort " in the relationship that would defy her stringent criteria of virginity.
It sounds as she means virginity not as an intact hymen- but as purity, of body and thoughts. That's a strict and nowa... (read in full...)
He wants to be friends and start fresh -- what can I do to get him to the place where he feels again?
Q. Okay so I have a pretty long story but I would like some advice. My boyfriend and I have been dating for almost nine months. A few weeks ago he said that he didn't really feel like he had feelings for me anymore but that he would try to get them ...
A. 18 December 2010: With all due respect and no hint of sarcasm, I think you
don't need to put God in charge of your dating life, you can do it on your own, but if you do, - then don't interfere.
The concept of " Let go and let God " is precisely that of trusting... (read in full...)
I cant believe I stooped so low!!
Q. Three months ago, my boyfriend of 7yrs left me. We lived together for 5 of those years. I found out that two weeks after he moved out, he was already dating someone else. Even though we broke up, we still communicated , thru txts, nearly everyday. ...
A. 18 December 2010: No you should not have.
It was your responsibility to make sure that he had cut all ties with the other woman before you engaged with him in any kind of erotic activity .Tons of people tell you just what you want to hear - buyer beware.
Plus,... (read in full...)
It's growing pretty fast down there, do I need to shave?
Q. hey everybody, i have a question that I feel to embarrassed to ask anybody else in person so i'm wondering if you could help? Im 14 and down below is growing fast.. I'm going to a party soon and wearing a really short skirt so was wondering what is ...
A. 18 December 2010: Are you gonna wear a skirt so short that it shows your pubic hair ?? And... are you going commando ??
Very curious - in my roaring past, my miniskirts were probably the shortest in town, yet I never had to face this dilemma.... (read in full...)
What is the price to pay for an affair when there are children involved?
Q. I have been married for 20 years. A month ago i found out that my husband is having an affair with my best friend. My friend stood there and let me confide in her while she was having an affair with my husband, in fact she was treated like family by ...
A. 18 December 2010: Baddog, you are correct in remarking that, whether we like it or not,love has also a social dimension and connotation. Basically, it's not true that there are no rules in love , every society has their own interiorized codes and breaking them takes ... (read in full...)
I'm a big strong guy but have overwhelming urges to cuddle. What's wrong with me?
Q. How do I start this? Let's see, I'm a masculine guy I guess you could say. I think people interpret me as being that way. I'm 6 foot 1, 250, broad shoulders drive a truck, play rugby, have tatoos, and own more than a few firearms. I wear overalls to ...
A. 18 December 2010: OP: you got an excellent , complete answer by Dear Jilly and I'll only try to somewhat reinforce that :
It was ONE woman, a problem riddled one too, and she rejected because of HER own problems. Her capacity for sound choices and appreciation for ... (read in full...)
I'm a big strong guy but have overwhelming urges to cuddle. What's wrong with me?
Q. How do I start this? Let's see, I'm a masculine guy I guess you could say. I think people interpret me as being that way. I'm 6 foot 1, 250, broad shoulders drive a truck, play rugby, have tatoos, and own more than a few firearms. I wear overalls to ...
A. 17 December 2010: How do you know that you are going to be single for the rest of your life ?...
Is it something that you have decided and ,if so, why ?... (read in full...)
Why can't I be with the girl that I love?
Q. Why can't I be with the girl that I love? People always say no pain no gain but how much pain I have to go through. I seriously had enough pain and I am too tired to continue. I have loved two girls so far at different time. I spent 15 month...
A. 17 December 2010: So far you have made it harder for yourself by always picking unavailable girls.Girls who clearly had someone else in mind, or already are with someone else, - who never gave you a clear green light.
True, no pain no gain, but it does not mean... (read in full...)
My partner and I had a really nasty violent argument... I don't know what to do?
Q. I really done know where to start... my partner and I had a really nasty argument,to the extent he physically hurt me. He is being very secretive with his phone and says its about his divorce, but normally he would show me. I did discovered a few ...
A. 17 December 2010: If you ask me, that's a no brainer, but I admit I am totally biased. To me, physical aggression is the ultimate, instant deal breaker, I don't care if it's the first time or whose fault it was. If he physically hurt you- you should not see him or ... (read in full...)
I'm 14, he's 18..is it a good idea to date?
Q. Okay so this is considered wrong sometimes i guess. Okay so im 14 and I am going to be quite honest the guy i like 18 and he likes me to. My issue i giess is what other people say about it? In the State of Indiana i know that if someone has sex with ...
A. 17 December 2010: No, it's not a good idea regardless of his feelings that anyway ,at 18, may be superficial, here today gone tomorrow.
If your close minded dad and stepmother find out and get mad, they can send him to jail. As you have pointed out yourself.... (read in full...)
How do I tell my friend to update his language and stop sounding ridiculous?
Q. Hi, I'm a freshman and I have this best friend "JP". I use slang a lot when I talk: aiight, fookie, stresst, heated, blawk, gucci, boi, fit, madd, sick, tight, etc. It just kinda rolls off my tongue jst as well as the next guy. this kind of language ...
A. 17 December 2010: Don't stress too much over keeping your (or your friend's ) slang "updated "- It's an enterprise which requires more time and effort than it is worth. Slang evolves vary fast. Nobody says anymore than something is "phat ", now it sounds as ridic... (read in full...)
I'm a big strong guy but have overwhelming urges to cuddle. What's wrong with me?
Q. How do I start this? Let's see, I'm a masculine guy I guess you could say. I think people interpret me as being that way. I'm 6 foot 1, 250, broad shoulders drive a truck, play rugby, have tatoos, and own more than a few firearms. I wear overalls to ...
A. 17 December 2010: I don't think you have a problem at all. I think it's great, and I am sure many women would feel the same.
One of my exes was the ultimate Bad Boy. Very masculine , very sexy, very tough, "graduated at the University of Life " and all that jazz... (read in full...)
In the hospital and my boyfriend was watching porn
Q. I am in hospital (pregnancy loss related) and had an overnight stay, whilst I was in overnight,I found out my partner masturbated to porn. I feel angry and emotional over this, am I over reacting? ...
A. 17 December 2010: At first, my instinctive reaction was : overreacting ,my foot. You are in hospital- due to a miscarriage, feeling sad and unwell and maybe in pain. And first thing he does, he uses your absence as a chance for a nice wank party ?? That would ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend needs a place to stay, I want my parents to take him in!
Q. My boyfriend and I have been dating for almost a year. We are very happy together. The problem is he has a bad home life to the point that he had to leave and move in with a friend. Now that hes at his friends house new problems have arrived because ...
A. 17 December 2010: I see you are young and at your age you are entitled to some selfishness,but this maybe is a bit too much. If he goes home his parents are willing to pay for his education and invest in his future , and you want to deprive him of this chance ? ... (read in full...)
His daughter will always be more special to him than I am, how do I get over this?
Q. Please help me, I want to leave but am so scared. I have been with my boyfriend 1 year. He is 7 years older than me. He has a daughter of 5 and I get along well with his daughter but do sometimes suffer with jealousy towards her,, although I never...
A. 16 December 2010: @anon female reader : maybe that's exactly the point...
A single parent that should loose his partner over this kind of issues still knows that,hopefully, with a bit of luck ,he can replace this partner. ( Possibly with someone else more empa... (read in full...)
While dancing with another woman, my boyfriend got an erection. Is this normal?
Q. My boyfriend needed to attend a formal dinner/dance event. Though I was the partner of choice, I could not get out of work on time to make it to the benefit. Instead, My boyfriend invited a friend to be his partner. Later that night, he told me that ...
A. 16 December 2010: Once in improv class we were doing some sketch, and I went to sit on a classmate lap. He jumped up like a jack-in-the-box literally sending me tumbling down . I hurt my knees, I was annoyed and thought the guy was crazy- then my classmates ... (read in full...)
Why Did I Get Married!?
Q. Dear Cupid Friends, I have posted here before in the pass with same problem "My Husband"! I meet my husband in March 2009 married him May 2009 I'm 30 he's 49 now it's a 1 year 7 months later and I'm struggling in our marriage! I feel like I been...
A. 16 December 2010: Well, that's a starting point. Do go back to school and /or get a job, not just to please him but because it's very good idea in itself.You'll feel much better and more in control of your life, you'll get some self esteem back, you'll have a ... (read in full...)
He wants a baby and I don't!
Q. I'm only 18 years old and my boyfriend wants us to have a baby, and he is 21. i told him so many times that i dont want a child right now because i want to go to college and stuff. so i told him that we could just so he can be happy. but he didnt ...
A. 16 December 2010: So, you would risk making a baby with him in order not to hurt his feelings...? You must be the most corteous girl I've ever heard of.
Just be sincere, and tell him to get real :
You are not gonna have a baby now because you are only 18, can't be... (read in full...)
His daughter will always be more special to him than I am, how do I get over this?
Q. Please help me, I want to leave but am so scared. I have been with my boyfriend 1 year. He is 7 years older than me. He has a daughter of 5 and I get along well with his daughter but do sometimes suffer with jealousy towards her,, although I never...
A. 16 December 2010: And why is that so hard for you to understand that a parent 's love for his/her child IS stronger ?
Look at what the last two very happily married anon male readers have written. It's a common sentiment.
If my son should need an organ transp... (read in full...)
Why Did I Get Married!?
Q. Dear Cupid Friends, I have posted here before in the pass with same problem "My Husband"! I meet my husband in March 2009 married him May 2009 I'm 30 he's 49 now it's a 1 year 7 months later and I'm struggling in our marriage! I feel like I been...
A. 16 December 2010: You met in March and married in May same year ?
Wow:
Kids,don't try this at home. It's dangerous.
Anyway, this explains many things but does not solve them, of course.
So : it's not clear to me if you still love this man and are just frustrated ... (read in full...)
Are my wife's actions cause for concern?
Q. My wife works in a small office - there used to be seven women in one room with the other room occupied by her, the boss and another woman. After recent redundancies there are three women left in one room with just the boss and my wife in the other. ...
A. 16 December 2010: I am inclined to agree with Dorothy Dix. The situation you show us is rather confusing and obviously I don't know if your wife has the hots for her boss or not.
But from what you say, it sounds that something is bugging her , - and it has not nece... (read in full...)
Would I become a wannabe???
Q. One of my friends in school has a really cute style, but I'm afraid that if I start dressing like her, I will become a wannabe. Do you think it would be a bad thing if I want to dress like her???...
A. 16 December 2010: Yes. Dress like yourself and find your own style. You can "steal " from her one or two little details if you really want, but don't be a clone . Set your own trends.... (read in full...)
My life with Edward Cullen
Q. So there's this boy that I've been seeing recently, it's been 3 months since mine and my boyfriend's break-up after two and half years, I want to know if this is too soon to move on or if this amount of time is normal? But I would also like some a...
A. 15 December 2010: Again, don dispute your own wisdom. If in your own view the cons are many more than the pros, it's a losing proposition - give it a miss.
As for dinner, it's not such a big deal, you can have dinner with him if you want. After all, he had said... (read in full...)
His daughter will always be more special to him than I am, how do I get over this?
Q. Please help me, I want to leave but am so scared. I have been with my boyfriend 1 year. He is 7 years older than me. He has a daughter of 5 and I get along well with his daughter but do sometimes suffer with jealousy towards her,, although I never...
A. 15 December 2010: @ anon female reader who says " I have to live with the fear that this child may come back in his life later on ".
I suppose that you also exclude the possibility of having your own child with this man, right ?
Because if you have one, your bf ... (read in full...)
His daughter will always be more special to him than I am, how do I get over this?
Q. Please help me, I want to leave but am so scared. I have been with my boyfriend 1 year. He is 7 years older than me. He has a daughter of 5 and I get along well with his daughter but do sometimes suffer with jealousy towards her,, although I never...
A. 15 December 2010: More, different, it's just words, different ways to say the same . It basically means:
- luckily, it's rare that one has to make a drastic choice between his kid and his lover. But the average parent , in case he has to choose, will choose his ... (read in full...)
Did I make the wrong choice?
Q. i really need someones help. for more than one year now i have been talking to a man who lives in argentina, we met on xbox and we have done a lot of stuff together. i live in the uk. we keep meaning to meet but problems occur which means we have ...
A. 15 December 2010: The best way is to keep it real :
it's ONE day that you've left this guy, at first it may be tough, in time things will change.
Particularly if you refuse to wallow in drama and keep it real : it was never a real relationship , and never a good o... (read in full...)
His daughter will always be more special to him than I am, how do I get over this?
Q. Please help me, I want to leave but am so scared. I have been with my boyfriend 1 year. He is 7 years older than me. He has a daughter of 5 and I get along well with his daughter but do sometimes suffer with jealousy towards her,, although I never...
A. 15 December 2010: I have another shocking, earth shattering revelation for you :
when it rains, people get wet.
I mean, DUH. Do you find so strange that he loves his own blood and flesh more than his (recently found ) companion ?
Maybe it's not even a matter of "m... (read in full...)
Did I make the wrong choice?
Q. i really need someones help. for more than one year now i have been talking to a man who lives in argentina, we met on xbox and we have done a lot of stuff together. i live in the uk. we keep meaning to meet but problems occur which means we have ...
A. 15 December 2010: Not at all !
These LDR Internet " relationships" are based on fantasy, illusion and wishful thinking 98% of the times anyway.
You can't even find out the truth , if he is single or not ! Did he lie before, does he lie now ? Go figure.
More impo... (read in full...)
Can you get morning sickness if you havn't slept yet? Does it always happen in the morning?
Q. I work 12 hour night shifts which my body is used to. I am 20 years young. My question is this: Ive been getting nauseous in the past 3 or 4 days. The first time was a morning I woke up to. The second I was working my night shift and everything was ...
A. 15 December 2010: They call it "morning sickness " but alas actually it can happen any time of the day.
Only, generally it does not start before 6 weeks from the last cycle ( which is 4 weeks after conceiving ).
So you might just have caught some virus or have... (read in full...)
My mom and sister are like the gruesome twosome!
Q. Please help! My sister has suffered from manic depression and a chronic eating disorder for the past seven years. Living at home with her had been an absolute nightmare! I stayed in my self-contained flat at the house because I wanted to be t...
A. 15 December 2010: You can't change people and their life, you can only change yourself and your life.
Obviously your sister ,( maybe your mom too ), has serious problems that would require consistent professional help.
All you can do for her is supporting her if s... (read in full...)
My life with Edward Cullen
Q. So there's this boy that I've been seeing recently, it's been 3 months since mine and my boyfriend's break-up after two and half years, I want to know if this is too soon to move on or if this amount of time is normal? But I would also like some a...
A. 12 December 2010: Question No. 1) you get to decide. If you feel that after 3 months and a half you are ready to move on, then do. If you are forcing yourself to move on, then you'll have the rebound effect and most probably anything born in these circumstances will ... (read in full...)
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![[?]BitterSweetFinale;[?] agony aunt](/avatars/7bb1e9ea-6c2f-43b8-a4f7-0635b7eff08c.png){kind=small}
