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... Send *indyCares a private message | | | *indyCares's profile:Hi everybody. I am an Italian woman currently living in Italy but I spent many years in England and USA. I hope my English is still decent but in case it got a little rusty, please be lenient.
My age ? Let say that I am way past the stage when you cry if the boy you like takes your best friend to the prom, and young enough to remember how awful that feels.
What qualifies me to help people- well, let me show off just a bit and mention that I studied Psychology 4 years in college, and, even if then I graduated in a different subject, I never lost my interest in psychology and kept reading a lot about this subject. Yet that does not really qualify me for anything because intellectual knowledge is not the same as real life experience. So let's say I feel I can advice people because I have lived a lot, travelled a lot, met a lot of people from all backgrounds , races and religions- I have loved a lot, and I have also been dumped a lot :)
Plus, I am really fascinated with people and their stories. Not in a gossipy way. I just find that every person is a whole new world that I am excited to discover.
Right now I am single- and happily so. I realized- better late than never - that rather than waiting for Prince Charming I should first become a Princess myself. You can't love anybody unconditionally, if first you don't love yourself unconditionally, and this is what I am learning to do.
Looking forward to hear from all of you..
Ciao
Cindy |
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| Latest articles: Devastation in Italy
This question has 2 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
26 August 2016: This has got nothing to do with romance or relationships or love- maybe with love for our fellow human beings, i.e. solidariety and compassion , so I hope that the mods will publish this regardless. On August 24th a devastating eartquak...
Ten best ways for a woman to be given her walking papers.
This question has 7 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
19 August 2014: Yeah I know : ultimately love is a mystery, not an exact science. There's always an element of sheer luck, of serendipity, of magic in it. Some times you do everything right, by the book, you are the perfect gf / wife / lover .. and you still get ...
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Aren't you supposed to know when you've found "the one"?
Q. Which One Do I Choose??!! Me and my curent boyfriend have been dating off and on for 7 years, we've broken up and gotten back together 13 times now and every time its the same reason; we weren't ready or old enough for the very sereous relation...
A. 2 February 2011: No rush.Relax and keep doing what you are alreday doing, i.e, living the best life you can, you cannnot ever go wrong with that:). You don't have to stop communicating with them or exclude them from your circle of friends, you just have to ... (read in full...)
If he was looking for a one night stand, why did he ask me out?
Q. So I met a guy in a club last week, we really hit it off. He lost his phone while we were out, and so lost his friends and couldn't find them. I let him come back to my flat as I felt he was stranded (something I have never done before), we ended up ...
A. 19 January 2011: Maybe he asked you on a date because it seemed a good idea at the time ,in the afterglow of amazing sex, with all that nice endorphines still buzzing through his brain.
After a few hours, he may have "sobered up " or just put the idea on the back... (read in full...)
I want to celebrate our 9 month anniversary, but I have a family obligation that same day!
Q. Hey! Me and my boyfriend are goin out 9 months next week and i want it to be really special, we've organized a few things aswell. Its just my mam wants me to go to my cousins confirmation on the same day!:( . How can i tell her that i cant go?...
A. 19 January 2011: Naah... A 9 months anniversary ? A "monthiversary"?.Seriously ?
I mean, I get that you are 16 and romantic and into cutesy things, but ,that you can't attend a family event because you must celebrate your monthiversary... oh come on.
You say you ... (read in full...)
He talked to me about having sex with other girls but I thought it was just a joke...it wasn't
Q. I've been dating a guy for about 4 months and I have been spending the night almost every night for about 3.5... He has always been hesitant to call himself my boyfriend, but I let it go because he was always so nice to me. He took care of me when ...
A. 18 January 2011: What do you really want ? If you want a faitfhul,monogamous guy, -clearly he is not, so I'd say, just walk away and don't look back.
I understand that you are not only hurt but also curious. You want to know if the horrible things he wrote to h... (read in full...)
She doesn't want a relationship right now. What!??
Q. Hi all, So, I need a bit of advice, validation. Hope you've got your reading glasses on as this is too long of a post... I've been dating a girl for the past 2.5 months. We've been getting dinner, getting lunch, going to movies, grabbing...
A. 18 January 2011: Sorry, I got it wrong. I thought you were just hanging out as friends and had not even kissed yet.
But, all in all,with the due adjustments, I still stand by my advice. Expectations are a tricky thing and may engender bitterness, if you star... (read in full...)
Is it possible to decide which is more important: personality? Or who the person really is?
Q. I was just wondering, if you ever had to choose between personality and who the person is, what is more important in a relationship? Like what I mean by who the person is: -They play sports, can bake / cook, is very artistic, like the same animals ...
A. 18 January 2011: I think it's more important what you call "personality "
What you define "what a person is " is basically about their hobbies, interests,tastes.
I could see myself with a person who, for instance, likes sports, exercise, computers , and ... (read in full...)
How can I overcome this lack of balance between love and sex in my relationship?
Q. I've been dating my girlfriend for about two years now, we are both 20 years old. As far as our relationship goes, things could not be better! We both genuinely love each other with our whole hearts. She frequently talks about how she wants to get ...
A. 18 January 2011: Yes, this sounds a bit mysterious. Everybody's different,ok, but only once a month is unusual for a young couple in love.
I can just throw around a few guesses:
1) Did something happen around 8 months ago ? Since you say that her lack of inter... (read in full...)
My parents are urging me to delay the marriage
Q. Okay it’s me again I’m getting married in three months and my parents just sat down with me and told me that I should wait because we are not finically stable yet and because we don’t have a professional career. When I first told them about our ...
A. 18 January 2011: Is anyone financially every stable when they first get married ?...Well, yes. That's why the average age for marriage, at least in Europe, has become so much higher, because people have figured out that "two hearts and a hut " may seriously ... (read in full...)
Is anyone curious about asexual people?
Q. Hello. I was wondering if there are any asexual people on this board. I am one myself, but I would be curious to change thoughts with other like minded people or with people who are curious about asexuality. Often I read about some people havi...
A. 17 January 2011: Hey, if it sounds great to you, it's cool with me :) . As long as you hurt none, do whatever makes you happy.
I think Dr.Kinsey said that people who abstain totally from sexual
contacts for lack of interest are about 1,5% of populati... (read in full...)
Is there a future with my meth addict boyfriend?
Q. Should I leave my meth addict partner? I am 23 years old and I have been with my 27 year old boyfriend for six years now. We have had a very rocky relationship and have been through a lot together. He cheated on me a year into our relationship...
A. 17 January 2011: Wow. 13000 usd in two years is quite a lot of meth. He must have partied at least twice a week, or more. Either that , or he's buying then selling. There must be many things he's not telling you.
Whether you stay or leave has got nothing to do w... (read in full...)
He said he'd leave his wife but its been 2 months!
Q. i think i miss him so much.. he got my phone number through chat.we spent happy times talking on the phone evry night for almost 7 months.he cared for me like no other man can.his feelings developed until he said that he loves me..i also love him. ...
A. 17 January 2011: OP, did you really not figure out why he left you just like that ?
Because he got caught by his wife , that's why. She must have understandably raised hell, or at least strongly complained , and he did not want to risk more trouble because of a su... (read in full...)
I don't cook and bf said no one will want me even he is verbally abusive to me.
Q. I don't cook and my boyfriend hates it. He said he will eventually leave me because I am not good at cooking and housework. He said no one will want me. His ex cooks very well, but then he has issues with her character or looks. I feel so tired and ...
A. 17 January 2011: Just laugh in his face. That's total bullshit. If my desirability as a partner should have depended upon my cooking , I should have
been single all my life .
Don't waste time feeling hurt about something so silly.
Try instead to understand w... (read in full...)
Should I talk all the time on stay quite during a movie date?
Q. Me and my boyfriend are going to the movies in a couple of weeks. We have been dating for two months and this is our first actual date. Iv been out to dates at resturaunts and iv met my ex s parents but iv never been to the movies on a date. am i ...
A. 17 January 2011: I am totally with Cerberus ! I am a mellow type but people talking in a movie theatre turns me instantly into a vicious she-devil. Date or no date, -no conversation in a movie theatre. Ever.
Plus,like other posters mention, if he invited you ... (read in full...)
She doesn't want a relationship right now. What!??
Q. Hi all, So, I need a bit of advice, validation. Hope you've got your reading glasses on as this is too long of a post... I've been dating a girl for the past 2.5 months. We've been getting dinner, getting lunch, going to movies, grabbing...
A. 17 January 2011: Perceptive guy.
When somebody says "I don't want a relationship right now " he/she ALWAYS means, more or less consciously, "I don't want a relationship with you ".
Because if you meet somebody that you really,really like, a lot -all consider... (read in full...)
Why was he holding his daughter's hand like he was?
Q. Is this weird or not?? Whilst driving my partner of 18 months reached across to the back of the car to hold his 12 year old daughters hand. He held it for 10 minutes. She has not been upset or anything -just sitting there.I felt uncomfortable as I ...
A. 17 January 2011: No,it's not weird at all. He is just being an affectionate, doting dad.Like you say, it looks strange to you because it's not part of your personal experience. ... (read in full...)
Aren't you supposed to know when you've found "the one"?
Q. Which One Do I Choose??!! Me and my curent boyfriend have been dating off and on for 7 years, we've broken up and gotten back together 13 times now and every time its the same reason; we weren't ready or old enough for the very sereous relation...
A. 16 January 2011: Proceed with caution :). With this guy you had pre-existing trust issues and drama issues, now there is also a drug use issues. Ok, everybody can make mistakes then pick themselves up and change their course - but drug users and ex- drug users ... (read in full...)
My wife doesn't want another child but I really do!
Q. So heres the deal. My wife and I got pregnant on our honeymoon. Wasn't planned but it happened. We just had our little girl and she is one month old. She is beautiful. My wife was shocked at first when she found out she was pregnant, but came around ...
A. 16 January 2011: No- drop the issue right now . Do not insist.
Very probably, she'll come around...in time.
I doubt you really realize how hard a bad pregnancy can be. I had hyperemesia ( 24 hours a day nausea ) only for the first 3 or 4 months of my pregnanc... (read in full...)
Will I get a boyfriend when I have braces?
Q. So i got braces last month, and im going to high school pretty soon. will the guys go for all the girls without braces?? i dont think im ugly, i just hope ill get a boyfriend even with braces. waddya think?...
A. 16 January 2011: Sure !
Particularly with these braces you see around now- pink braces, fluo braces, braces with Svarowski - they are actually cute ,like a fashion accessory.
But even if you opt for a more traditional type, I think you have nothing to worry. D... (read in full...)
How do I make him feel that he wants to see me?
Q. Hello, Basically me and my ex broke up a few months ago. Since then a little drama has happened causing tension between us. Over the Christmas holidays he text me a little and shared with me some problems he had been having. Last night when we wa...
A. 16 January 2011: Honey, mabe this is just me, I've got a suspicious mind. But I must say that his sounds as the perfect excuse for turning you into an FWB : he can't be back with you officially because he has trust issues....but he still has feelings for you, so ... (read in full...)
Aren't you supposed to know when you've found "the one"?
Q. Which One Do I Choose??!! Me and my curent boyfriend have been dating off and on for 7 years, we've broken up and gotten back together 13 times now and every time its the same reason; we weren't ready or old enough for the very sereous relation...
A. 16 January 2011: Ah my dear,I wish I had THAT figured out, LOL . I could write a self help book- "7 steps to instant orgasm " and make millions.
Funny,no ? , how at times you think you are attracted to the guy, and you want to be attracted and you both want... (read in full...)
My second wife doesn't like my children from my 1st marriage!
Q. I have 4 children from my first marriage who now live in the UK with their mother, and I am in another relationship with a new wife and we have one child together. Ny new wife does not like the children from my first marriage, is resentful to them ...
A. 16 January 2011: These are your children ! You are already separated by the big distance, now you also want them to visit in shifts because your wife does not like them ? She knew you had 4 children when she married you- it was a package deal,
if she had a prob... (read in full...)
My friends say I never should have opened and read the email from my ex
Q. i was dating a guy which i fell in love with deeply who broke it off with me cause he was being deported back overseas the next day and was married with a kid, and he loves her husband, since then i have gotten over him after many tubs of ice cream ...
A. 16 January 2011: Uhm. I too believe in giving a second chance, but talk is cheap.
Is he finishing it with his wife ?...Ok, tell him to show up once he has finished ,notarized copy of divorce papers in hand :)
And, he wants to come over, but could he actually... (read in full...)
Aren't you supposed to know when you've found "the one"?
Q. Which One Do I Choose??!! Me and my curent boyfriend have been dating off and on for 7 years, we've broken up and gotten back together 13 times now and every time its the same reason; we weren't ready or old enough for the very sereous relation...
A. 16 January 2011: You are taking a break for your happiness, your job and your future. If these guys care about you they will understand and will not be hurt . Anyway, you can't date people just to be nice and spare them a disappointment ,can you ?....... (read in full...)
I'm not sure I can forgive him for losing it with his ex
Q. I'm seeing this guy. We were both planning on losing our virginity to each other. He recently told me that he " unintentionally " lost it to his exGirlfriend. Itold him that if he ever did that, iwould move on and forget about him, but ijust can't. ...
A. 16 January 2011: How do you loose a virginity unintentionally ? it's not a set of keys.
I did not understand if,when that happened, you and him were dating ? because in this case the main problem is not that he is not a virgin anymore, but the fact that he chea... (read in full...)
She wants me to get my penis pierced!
Q. Hey everybody! I've been in relationship with this girl for 2 years now... She wants to spice things up so she got a tattoo and she asked me to get my dick pierced!! Is this too much? Is it gonna hurt? Should I do it? So many questions...
A. 16 January 2011: C.Grant gave you a male opinion, I'll give you the female opinion, which is...
Oh frigging YUCK.
The thought is sickening. Please don't do it.... (read in full...)
Electra complex. When Daddy/daughter relationships go too far?
Q. I am 23 years old and the guy that I am currently dating is thirty nine years old(he is divorced)he has a 9-yr old daughter that is a sweetheart, he gets to see her every other weekend and Im totally supportive of him being there for her, we have ...
A. 16 January 2011: To the posters suggesting the OP to voice her concerns- it's a very sensible idea in theory, in practice probably it won't go down that well.
Imagine : " Honey, I have a problem with all the attention you are giving your kid when I am arou... (read in full...)
Can male actors manage to "remove" themselves from the scene enough so that the kiss does not make you aroused?
Q. Here is the story: I've gotten a role where I have a romantic partner, and my girlfriend is super nervous. She says she trusts me in the sense of knowing that nothing will happen between me and the actress off the stage. I've always been faithful to ...
A. 15 January 2011: Are we talking about camera or stage here ? ...
If it's stage, the way I was taught- in a well known acting school - not only you don't use tongues, you don't even have lips -to-lips contact . You place your lips just under her lower lip / abov... (read in full...)
How do I make him feel that he wants to see me?
Q. Hello, Basically me and my ex broke up a few months ago. Since then a little drama has happened causing tension between us. Over the Christmas holidays he text me a little and shared with me some problems he had been having. Last night when we wa...
A. 15 January 2011: So...his trust issues prevent him from getting back with you officially, but not from sleeping with you occasionally ?... (read in full...)
Am I thinking too far ahead in the future?
Q. I'm a 15 yr old guy who has a perfectly normal and great life....i have a girlfriend who is 14 and i have liked her since the age of 11...2 years back she told me that she likes me as well.... at present, we love each other so much that we are...
A. 15 January 2011: Yes ,you are thinking too far ahead.
At your age, two years is a long period of time during which many things can change.
Two years from now, you may have parted ways.
Or,in fact, your bond can have grown deeper and stronger , enabling you... (read in full...)
Lump on my right armpit?
Q. Hi, i have a lump on my right armpit, it's been three days now, and it's painful when i press it, what could be the cause? ...
A. 15 January 2011: It sounds like a swollen lymph node ( small round or bean shaped gland of the immunitary system ). Normally it just signals the presence of some minor infection in the body , but occasionaly it may be a symptom of a few serious diseases. So, just ... (read in full...)
Aren't you supposed to know when you've found "the one"?
Q. Which One Do I Choose??!! Me and my curent boyfriend have been dating off and on for 7 years, we've broken up and gotten back together 13 times now and every time its the same reason; we weren't ready or old enough for the very sereous relation...
A. 15 January 2011: If you broke up 13 times, and you never lasted more than 6 months together, we can safely assume he is not "the one " for you. I don't know if when you meet "the one " you feel it right away, ...but I am positive that a 7 years constant off/on is ... (read in full...)
G/f staying at her cousins house and won't answer her phone. Is she cheating?
Q. Me and my girlfriend have been together two years we stay together and argue a lot she says she needs space that she's in love with me and loves me but doesn't knw if she wants to b with me da past three days she says she's at her cousin house but ...
A. 15 January 2011: I don't think so. I think she wants space and she is taking the space you are reluctant to give her, also by shutting her phone off for the night. So she can enjoy a short break, and the company of her cousins,without the risk of being pressured ... (read in full...)
Is it unhealthy of me to keep on looking at her profile and clinging onto memories from that night?
Q. So I'm a closeted lesbian and recently had my first hookup with a female. It was definitely a one night thing for her (she's "straight", or as straight as you can be when you hook up with a female? She told me she was straight anyways) and she ...
A. 15 January 2011: Yes. Well, unhealthy is a big word, but it won't serve any practical purpose ,least of all that of promoting your happiness and well being. You risk of spending a lot of emotional energy just getting stuck in the past and detracting your interest ... (read in full...)
Do women respect guys who don't push for sex, or do they think they're wimps?
Q. In brief I know a girl who I have been out with a few times, sort of on a friendly basis.I have never ever pushed for any kind of physical involvement,and whenever we go out I just take her home and wave good night. But I know she has begun relation...
A. 15 January 2011: Define "physically aggressive ".
I don't think that if you kissed her, rather than just waving good night, she would put you into this "physically aggressive " category.
She would just see that you have romantic feelings for her and you want to ... (read in full...)
I'm getting married but feel like I need more time! Is this normal?
Q. I'm getting married in 3 months my fiancee and i have been together for about 2 year i know that he loves me and he respects me and tries to mAke me a better person. we almost Have everything ready for our wedding I'm having some doubts I get scared ...
A. 14 January 2011: any specific reason why your family does not like you getting married ?... Maybe they think you are too young ? Or that you are not enough financially solid yet ?... Or , they'll just miss your help with the younger siblings ?...
I mean , ther... (read in full...)
When I said I love you he laughed!
Q. I guess I would just like some opinions. Today I was with my boyfriend and we were hugging and I said I love you. This is not the first time I've said it, we've been together for 5 months btw. But anyway when I said it he laughed, when I asked what ...
A. 14 January 2011: I think he meant you should say " I love you " only when you feel like expressing your love, not because you are
expecting him to reply with a dutiful " I love you too " - I.e. ,not to gratify your ego.
Your bf may have got it wrong in your cas... (read in full...)
Shes afraid of germs and doesn't want anything to do with sex
Q. my girlfriend is 45,and I am 70. she's never been marry and has no kids. i'm a grandfather and been married twice. we have been seeing each other for 21/2 years. we both stay at our own homes. the problem is that wshe won't let me kiss her on the ...
A. 14 January 2011: I don't know how to say it without sounding spiteful, but... she may not be physically attracted to you, if after 2.5 years she won't even let you kiss her.
25 years are a big age difference, and , no matter what people say about love being a me... (read in full...)
Scared of having sex again after a bad first time experience!
Q. So I'm a straight guy, and my first time having sex, I was drunk and it ended quickly and didn't feel good, so overall, not a great experience. The problem I'm facing now is that I'm now nearly scared of the idea of having sex and am worried that ...
A. 14 January 2011: First thing that comes to mind would be : don't be drunk when you have sex. Alcohol can affect both your performance and your enjoyment.
Don't sweat it anyway , first time sucks for most everybody. Practice makes perfect :)... (read in full...)
I listen to my friend but when its my turn to talk she changes the subject!
Q. im just wondering if anyone else thinks that someone acting like this, makes them a bad friend or is it just their personality? so my "friend" hasnt been very supportive to me and i have been doing all i can to be supportive to her because we both ...
A. 14 January 2011: There are a lot of self centered people around, and your friend may be one of them.
They don't do it on purpose.
to be rude or mean, it's just that they have a short attention span for other people's stories because they are so enamoured of their... (read in full...)
I'm getting married but feel like I need more time! Is this normal?
Q. I'm getting married in 3 months my fiancee and i have been together for about 2 year i know that he loves me and he respects me and tries to mAke me a better person. we almost Have everything ready for our wedding I'm having some doubts I get scared ...
A. 14 January 2011: I have often heard of people getting cold feet just before the wedding. Just because of stress, and fear of change.
Nevertheless, I think that getting married (and, alas, getting divorced ) are a big, big deal . If you don't feel elated and exci... (read in full...)
He still checks an online dating site, I wonder if I am being played
Q. I met a man on a dating site, we have been dating a little over a month. I really like him and he said he really likes me too. He brought up deleting our accounts, I deleting mine, he said he can't figure out how to delete his. He said he is not ...
A. 14 January 2011: Red flags. He may have not figured out how to delete the account, but he could simply avoid logging in. Supposedly he is only talking to friends ( on a dating site ? ), but he could have very easily told his friends he's leaving the site and that ... (read in full...)
Am I a bit weird for not particularly liking kids?
Q. This isn't a relationship question but i would be interested to hear what people think. Ever since i was about 13 (i'm now 23) i realised i wasn't the maternal type. People would show off their kids and these women would go all ga ga over them and...
A. 13 January 2011: No. I never went go go ga ga about any baby, including mine. I loved him , I was affectionate, I think I have been a good mom ( my son says it too ,at least when he is in a good mood ) but I never quite understood the need many people have ... (read in full...)
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