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... Send *indyCares a private message | | | *indyCares's profile:Hi everybody. I am an Italian woman currently living in Italy but I spent many years in England and USA. I hope my English is still decent but in case it got a little rusty, please be lenient.
My age ? Let say that I am way past the stage when you cry if the boy you like takes your best friend to the prom, and young enough to remember how awful that feels.
What qualifies me to help people- well, let me show off just a bit and mention that I studied Psychology 4 years in college, and, even if then I graduated in a different subject, I never lost my interest in psychology and kept reading a lot about this subject. Yet that does not really qualify me for anything because intellectual knowledge is not the same as real life experience. So let's say I feel I can advice people because I have lived a lot, travelled a lot, met a lot of people from all backgrounds , races and religions- I have loved a lot, and I have also been dumped a lot :)
Plus, I am really fascinated with people and their stories. Not in a gossipy way. I just find that every person is a whole new world that I am excited to discover.
Right now I am single- and happily so. I realized- better late than never - that rather than waiting for Prince Charming I should first become a Princess myself. You can't love anybody unconditionally, if first you don't love yourself unconditionally, and this is what I am learning to do.
Looking forward to hear from all of you..
Ciao
Cindy |
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| Latest articles: Devastation in Italy
This question has 2 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
26 August 2016: This has got nothing to do with romance or relationships or love- maybe with love for our fellow human beings, i.e. solidariety and compassion , so I hope that the mods will publish this regardless. On August 24th a devastating eartquak...
Ten best ways for a woman to be given her walking papers.
This question has 7 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
19 August 2014: Yeah I know : ultimately love is a mystery, not an exact science. There's always an element of sheer luck, of serendipity, of magic in it. Some times you do everything right, by the book, you are the perfect gf / wife / lover .. and you still get ...
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I will be alone on Valentines Day, which also happens to be my crush's birthday! What am I supposed to do?
Q. Okay, so this guy i used to be friends with doesn't talk to me anymore. I thought him and I were just friends. Only friends. He doesn't date and well I was fine with that. But then he stopped talking to me. It was sad and I got over it. Now that ...
A. 25 January 2011: Throw an Unvalentine's party. Start sending invitations now to your few single friends, with instructions for each one to bring another single acquaintance, and so on. Tell them not to be picky,they do not need to be "cool" singles , or "hot " ... (read in full...)
Was I wrong to get upset, or was it wrong for him to discuss my friend's period at dinner?
Q. HI everyone! So my boyfriend and I have been together for a year yesterday he came to ick me up from my job and he said hi to my bestfriend wh also woks with me. Anyway we went get food and during dinner he said " does your best friend have her ...
A. 24 January 2011: Periods are definitely not a good subject to bring up at
dinner conversations,- and as for that, acne break ups aren't either.
ok, he just "made an observation" with no bad intentions, but manners are precisely mostly about knowing when to say w... (read in full...)
Was I wrong to get upset, or was it wrong for him to discuss my friend's period at dinner?
Q. HI everyone! So my boyfriend and I have been together for a year yesterday he came to ick me up from my job and he said hi to my bestfriend wh also woks with me. Anyway we went get food and during dinner he said " does your best friend have her ...
A. 24 January 2011: Periods are definitely not a good subject to bring up at
dinner conversations,- and as for that, acne break ups aren't either.
ok, he just "made an observation" with no bad intentions, but manners are precisely mostly about knowing when to say w... (read in full...)
Advice on how to help me get over my stutter
Q. hey, i've got quite a bad stutter, and more often than not whenever i approach people they can't get past it and although are kind to me while i'm there, once i leave i hear them tease me and take the mickey. this obviously takes a toll on my con...
A. 24 January 2011: Stress is probably a consequence, and not the cause , of your predicament.
In any case , you need to see a good logopaedist and work with him consistently to have appreciable results.... (read in full...)
He only comes to me when he has a problem and I have to pick up the pieces.....
Q. Hi, would love to get an outside opinion on this. it's kinda long (sorry), so here goes... I'm 19 and have an extremely close guy friend of mine who's 20. We were sexually involved but it ended and we still remained best friends. We are very hone...
A. 24 January 2011: Mmmm.....are you sure, you really haven't any romantic feelings left for him ?...maybe,a tiny little bit ?...Absolutely not ?...
Then why on earth do you let him call you at 3 am and drive over to calm him down when he cries ! Don't tell me ... (read in full...)
My X wants to rekindle a friendship with me after he hurt me hard super duper bad.
Q. Are there any reasons why a person should never accept an ex's invitation for friendship? Why would my X want to be friends with me when he was the one who treated me so bad and left me on the side of the road? I still love him but what he did made ...
A. 24 January 2011: I don't know for sure about later, but for now it's obvious that you cannot rekindle a friendship with your ex!
For the reason that you don't see him as a friend and you don't have friendly feelings for him. You still have strong , passionate feel... (read in full...)
Am I just too old for my girlfriend?
Q. Dear Cupid, I am 56 and my girlfriend is 40. Do you think that is okay or am I just too old. I look very young for my age. Most people think that I'm in my late 40s or maybe 50. What do you think?...
A. 24 January 2011: What do YOU think ?
I mean, it's strange , well, not strange of course, let's say unusual you have come up with this question. Seeing that so many mature males seek and lust after younger women, even younger than 16 years less as in your case... (read in full...)
Would you see someone again if they texted that you're a whore?
Q. I have a question for the ladies out there. What would you do if someone texts you that you're a slut, c*** and a whore. That somebody that you love texts you that on your phone? would you want to see him again. what would you do thanks 4 all your ...
A. 24 January 2011: The reason does not matter, there is no reason good enough for this kind of verbal abuse.
Supposing she had done something to arouse his anger ?, still two wrongs don't make a right.
Particularly because it's in written. I can see how, during a... (read in full...)
Ex said he wanted to be friends but he's not talking to me
Q. I recently broke up with my boyfriend, and I was heartbroken, however when we broke up he said he still wanted to be friends and talk with me, yet nothing's happened. We talked for like a day after the breakup and then nothing since. I do wish that ...
A. 24 January 2011: Because most of the times when people break up and say let's be friends they say it only to be nice and soften the blow;- but also when they mean it, they do not mean it literally , as in "let's stay friends and call each other all the time and ... (read in full...)
Would you see someone again if they texted that you're a whore?
Q. I have a question for the ladies out there. What would you do if someone texts you that you're a slut, c*** and a whore. That somebody that you love texts you that on your phone? would you want to see him again. what would you do thanks 4 all your ...
A. 23 January 2011: No way !
What would I do...
" Hit the road Jack , and don't you come back no more no more no mooore...."
... (read in full...)
My boyfriend treats his daughter like an adult friend
Q. I have been dating a great guy for a few years. He's been divorced for almost a decade and has a 13 years old daughter. He gets his daughter every weekend and cherishes the time he has with her. Since I've known him, I've felt like he treats h...
A. 23 January 2011: Hard to say. It all depends from the context and the details.
Example : you say he takes her to bars with him. That's pretty horrible if you mean he has her doing the wee ours of the morning downing shots with a drunken crowd of bawdies, in f... (read in full...)
What does "I want to take this relationship to the next level" mean
Q. I have been dating my boyfriend off and on for about three years now and we split lay november and now we are together. He just said to me "I want to take this relationship to the next level" and I have no clue what its suppose to mean or how to ...
A. 23 January 2011: Simple : ask him. And ask him to be very specific, what does he mean exactly.
You see, normally it means going from dating casually to going steady , from on/off to committed relationship.
But ,due to your young age, ( you have started dating t... (read in full...)
From Incredible Happiness to breaking up?
Q. Hello friends! So here's a little about my situation: I was dating this guy and we were amazing together. We communicated, we were in tune, we understood, we made each other explicitly happy. He's also a pretty transparent person - whatever em...
A. 23 January 2011: Funny ,the way when people are in love their hearing gets impaired.
He told you why he broke up. Because you don't share the same ideals, values, life vision- so that makes him doubt you have a futur together.
Religion is important to him, it'... (read in full...)
I want my best friends boyfriend
Q. So my best friend's boyfriend is away at uni. They have been together for 2 months now. Me and her boyf are quite good friends.. we text and chat online most days. He has always been quite flirty with me, but i never really thought anything...
A. 23 January 2011: You know it, instead- you stay away from your best friend 's boyfriend ,stop flirting with him and keep a healthy distance.
So he tells you he thinks of you a lot, in a sexual way... and first thing you do , you go visit him, you get conv... (read in full...)
I was just trying to be nice... why did she mistake that for a romantic interest in her?
Q. Why do girls think if you do nice things for them, that you like them or want to date them? Honestly this question never been so true for me right now. I dated a girl for a year and we broke up 18 months ago, she knew I loved her deeply. I was hu...
A. 22 January 2011: Because if you take her out and flirt a bit much with your faces inches away from hers, she'll think this is probably not just a friendly attention but you are hitting on her. What else could she think ?... (read in full...)
My ex-wife and fiancee cannot both be at my father's funeral...what do I do?
Q. I have a dilemma that I doubt I will get much sympathy from here. I recently divorced after a year long separation following an affair. I live with my mistress and we are in love and planning to get married in a year or so. She has met all of m...
A. 22 January 2011: Ideally, they should both be able to attend and pay their respects in a proper and decorous fashion.
But, if you are afraid this is not possible and there's the actual risk of some unbecoming scene, - better to avoid. In this case, burial etiq... (read in full...)
Health tips for early pregnancy?
Q. Hi all! This is actually a question about pregnancy, i was hoping some mums could give me some advice :) I just found out im pregnant, i think between 1-3 weeks.. Last time i feel pregnant i miscarried. My hubby and i got married not too long after ...
A. 22 January 2011: It is instead very important that you see an OB/GYN at a beginning of a new pregnancy , -particularly since you have recently miscarried!
The doctor may decide to perform additional tests beside the routine ones, and can answer all your doub... (read in full...)
My LDR boyfriend is cheating on me
Q. My long distance bf is cheating on me. We met about 4 months ago through mutual friends and about 1 month into the relationship he paid for me to go visit! I had a good time I really enjoyed his company.. So I get back home which Is about 1200 miles ...
A. 22 January 2011: That's the thing with LDRs. They are in good part depending on "ifs". Sure, IF you had not been living afar,
probably this would not have happened; having you there he would have found much easier focusing his attention just on you, without goin... (read in full...)
I was supposed to be visiting him for the first time, but he doesn't seem to want to include me in his birthday celebrations!
Q. I have been talking to a guy online for the last 18 months on a regular basis. I haven't met him as yet but was going to visit him in March this year on his birthday which I mentioned to him about a month ago. Yesterday he said I could stay with him ...
A. 22 January 2011: Honey I don't know how not to sound harsh, but this is just insane , I can't find any other word than insane. AND dangerous.
Do you want to pay airfare and hotel accomodation just to be the sex slave of a man whom you don't know anything abou... (read in full...)
I'm out of his league...Should I care what others think?
Q. I just need to make sure I'm thinking clearly. I'm engaged to a wonderful man who treats me like a princess. He loves me and I love him. Our sex life is good. He's financially stable, (6 figure job, house in the right neighborhood, car, he has no ...
A. 22 January 2011: You can always quote " Cindy's mother's theory" : A woman should never marry a man as attractive as herself or more.
My mom was, and still is even in her old age,an absolutely stunning woman- my dad was, well, not that attractive to put it mild... (read in full...)
Should I End It?
Q. Our relationship started out so wonderfully. We started out as friends getting to know each other in our favorite class. Then, we started to fall for each other. We talk, we snuggle, he is my best friend and my boyfriend all in one, and has been for ...
A. 22 January 2011: A lot of love, time, and energy :)? Sweetheart, ..reality check : you have been dating for 4 months. Dating is to see if there is compatibility in personality ,communication and habits,-beside physical attraction, and it seems there are already ... (read in full...)
The answer to all your problems (well most) right here!
Q. I don't know about you guys but there are some questions I see time and time again. How 'bout we answer some of those questions right here and hope that anyone about to post the same question has a quick look at the articles first? 1. Why won't h...
A. 21 January 2011: 11) He has slapped me /punched me / shoved me around... but it was the first time.. he says he's sorry and won't happen again, should I give him another chance ?
No.No ! NOOOOOO!....What part of " NO " you don't understand ?... ... (read in full...)
What does a woman feel when she rejects a guy?
Q. What does a woman feel when she rejects? Contempt for the guy who tries? A sense of guilt? Pity? Or maybe she has very little thought of why? Or maybe she feels superior? Does she ever think that she may hurt the man? Does she ever think abo...
A. 21 January 2011: I am not sure what kind of rejection we are talking about here , it's surely different rejecting somebody after 20 years of marriage, or after a chat on Facebook.
Assuming you are talking about run-of-the-mill, everyday rejections- he asks her out ... (read in full...)
I want something more! How do I change our situation?
Q. i ve been with my boyfriend for 3 years.i am 29 and he is 32. in july he broke up with me because latelly we had problems. basically as time passed i wanted a more serious commitment from him,but he got pressured,and he started going out all th...
A. 21 January 2011: I guess that if you could just put on a vanishing act that would be better. But if you can't bring yourself to do that , you can tell him, simple and clean : I don't like be an FWB, so don't count on me for that.
Then..you have to back it up with... (read in full...)
Teen mom?
Q. im in a 2 years relationship and we r great with my boyfriend...im graduating this year and we r planning to try for a baby:) whats the difficulitties of being ateen mom?...
A. 21 January 2011: What about money ?..And housing ?
Do you have a good , steady job providing a decent income, and a place large and nice enough to raise a child in ? Have you got some savings for emergencies, medical or otherwise ? Transportation ? Who is gonn... (read in full...)
This girl flirts with me but says we are just friends?
Q. There's a girl who i like. She's stunning beyond words, even a blind man would agree. She flirts with me all time and is more than comfortable with me touching her anywhere. I seriously thought that she liked me and I told her i liked her and she ...
A. 21 January 2011: Reading way too much into this.
Most 18 y.o. girls flirt. If the are pretty, even more.
Perhaps not to the point of grinding against you, but she was drunk that time.... (read in full...)
I want something more! How do I change our situation?
Q. i ve been with my boyfriend for 3 years.i am 29 and he is 32. in july he broke up with me because latelly we had problems. basically as time passed i wanted a more serious commitment from him,but he got pressured,and he started going out all th...
A. 21 January 2011: I am afraid nobody can help you if you don't want yourself.
Your plan would be to hang in there for dear life until July when he might ask you to live together...
I'd say you are counting your chickens before they hatch . As of now, he tells yo... (read in full...)
I am hooked on this mystery with a very private man!
Q. I have not been so out of wits in relationships...this man totally confuses me to the extent that i have no idea if he is using me, or lying to me, or he is so into me that he worries and withdraws.... we met on line and were attracted to eac...
A. 21 January 2011: I am not surprised that Abella's explanation of the mystery is the one that's more acceptable to you. But, while she makes some very interesting observations, personally I am a bit skeptic. Having been around for many, many years an insanely ... (read in full...)
I feel like a horrible person! What do I do?
Q. so i know i ask questions about my love life alot, but its complicated. especially now. he used to be such a sweetheart, always caring and making me feel so special and loved and he always used to do stuff with me like go hiking, or swimming...
A. 21 January 2011: And he would be doing you a favour ! Let's hope is true !
So you could stop making a fool of yourself and catering to the sexual whims of this spoiled brat .
He SAYS he loves you very much, ...but, if all he does is disrespecting, flirting... (read in full...)
I'm really not that bad...why don't girls ever notice me???
Q. I am a pretty average guy, at least I think. I weigh about 84kg or 185lbs, and I'm about 6ft 1inch or 185cm tall. I've never been made fun of for being ugly or anything. I'm 21 and stay in pretty good shape by working out most days of the week. ...
A. 20 January 2011: I think maybe you read in the wrong way the suggestion about dressing nice....You seem to think that anything that concerns appearance is shallow. In fact, mind body and spirit are not so easily separable- it's a whole package in which any of the ... (read in full...)
I am hooked on this mystery with a very private man!
Q. I have not been so out of wits in relationships...this man totally confuses me to the extent that i have no idea if he is using me, or lying to me, or he is so into me that he worries and withdraws.... we met on line and were attracted to eac...
A. 20 January 2011: It sounds to me like a married guy.
The typical signs are all there : paranoid about privacy. Never invites you at his place ( Do you even have his address ? ) Little free time ,and often busy on weekends too. Won't take phone calls, but will... (read in full...)
I want something more! How do I change our situation?
Q. i ve been with my boyfriend for 3 years.i am 29 and he is 32. in july he broke up with me because latelly we had problems. basically as time passed i wanted a more serious commitment from him,but he got pressured,and he started going out all th...
A. 20 January 2011: I think that you won't like my advice and you are not ready to take it into account, but I'd say : back off. Disappear from his life ( yes, exactly what you are afraid to do ).
See it this way : you have got nothing to lose. He does not want to b... (read in full...)
How do I know when I have actually had an orgasm?
Q. okay, so I have had sex with two people. with my ex and my current partner. they have both been very pleasurable, and felt really good, but I'm not exactly sure if I've ever actaully "came" before...I mean im wet during sex...but I never really feel ...
A. 20 January 2011: If you have to ask yourself whether you had an orgasm or not... then you didn't.
It's a very distinctive, peculiar sensation... hard to describe but , I am sure that when it happens you won't miss it !
That does not mean though that it has to b... (read in full...)
I want to pull back, but he'll just think I'm busy!
Q. Hi, so I asked this question before but didn't get any responses. I'm thinking maybe the one I asked before was too complex - like 3 problems in one - and I should just handle one at a time. My problem is this: I feel my boyfriend (of a ...
A. 20 January 2011: Sorry, but to me it seems that he is just not that into you.
You say that if you back off he'll just miss your point and wait patiently for you to be not so busy....What, like if you disappear for , say, 6 weeks , he 'd just say : Oh well, I gues... (read in full...)
What should I do with a man who states that all he needs in life is his children?
Q. I met a divorced man about 10 months ago. We have been talking and seeing each other on and off over the last 8 months. We have become intimate and enjoy each others company when we are able to meet. Recently, he mentioned that he didn't want me ...
A. 20 January 2011: He HAS defined your relationship, just not with the usual labels : "FWB " , "intimate friendship " " casual dating " or another one of the various shades in the palette of the uncommitted.
He told you he does not want to be romantically invo... (read in full...)
I want something more! How do I change our situation?
Q. i ve been with my boyfriend for 3 years.i am 29 and he is 32. in july he broke up with me because latelly we had problems. basically as time passed i wanted a more serious commitment from him,but he got pressured,and he started going out all th...
A. 20 January 2011: If you keep doing something ,and it does not bring the desired results,- maybe it's time to change strategy.
He has no motivation to change the situation, because in his mind there is nothing to "fix" and things work perfectly for him the way they... (read in full...)
Is it possible to love two people at once?
Q. Is it possible to love two people at once? Are you a bad person if you see things in people that you are attracted to, that connect you to them? My story, I guess I've always loved this guy that I met when I was 16. It seems like time has never be...
A. 20 January 2011: I guess it depends from your definition of love.
For instance , as for myself, I could not call love what you've got with the second guy. You say you don't trust each other, and what love it is without trust ? Also fighting "all the time " Even... (read in full...)
Should I take a leap of faith or face reality?
Q. I am currently struggling with a huge decision in both my career and love life. I currently live in Panama with the love of my life. We are young (19, 20) but we are both extremely happy with each other, have been together 3 years and we live ...
A. 20 January 2011: I definitively opt for reality.
You are building your future now, and while , with all the best intentions and the fondest mutual feelings, you have absolutely no guarantee that your bf is gonna be in your future 10,20 years from now- you can be c... (read in full...)
Question on etiquette and American culture
Q. Hello all, This is a question regarding etiquette and American culture. I am a student studying in the US but I am not an American (I am from South Korea). My student life in US has been, for most part, a very alienating experience with absol...
A. 19 January 2011: Dear OP
I am not offended at all for the middle-aged comment. Don't worry, mine was just a joke.
Gift cards are ok for birthdays , Xmas and other official occasions, but a casual dinner with friends is , luckily ,a much more informal thing.
... (read in full...)
Question on etiquette and American culture
Q. Hello all, This is a question regarding etiquette and American culture. I am a student studying in the US but I am not an American (I am from South Korea). My student life in US has been, for most part, a very alienating experience with absol...
A. 19 January 2011: I am still recovering from the shock of hearing two people of 30 described as middle- aged, and therefore by definition, not funky. I made a mental note to never invite you over for dinner,LOL-
Anyway- no no, no money or gift card. 50 $ is way ... (read in full...)
If he was looking for a one night stand, why did he ask me out?
Q. So I met a guy in a club last week, we really hit it off. He lost his phone while we were out, and so lost his friends and couldn't find them. I let him come back to my flat as I felt he was stranded (something I have never done before), we ended up ...
A. 19 January 2011: Maybe he asked you on a date because it seemed a good idea at the time ,in the afterglow of amazing sex, with all that nice endorphines still buzzing through his brain.
After a few hours, he may have "sobered up " or just put the idea on the back... (read in full...)
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