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... Send *indyCares a private message | | | *indyCares's profile:Hi everybody. I am an Italian woman currently living in Italy but I spent many years in England and USA. I hope my English is still decent but in case it got a little rusty, please be lenient.
My age ? Let say that I am way past the stage when you cry if the boy you like takes your best friend to the prom, and young enough to remember how awful that feels.
What qualifies me to help people- well, let me show off just a bit and mention that I studied Psychology 4 years in college, and, even if then I graduated in a different subject, I never lost my interest in psychology and kept reading a lot about this subject. Yet that does not really qualify me for anything because intellectual knowledge is not the same as real life experience. So let's say I feel I can advice people because I have lived a lot, travelled a lot, met a lot of people from all backgrounds , races and religions- I have loved a lot, and I have also been dumped a lot :)
Plus, I am really fascinated with people and their stories. Not in a gossipy way. I just find that every person is a whole new world that I am excited to discover.
Right now I am single- and happily so. I realized- better late than never - that rather than waiting for Prince Charming I should first become a Princess myself. You can't love anybody unconditionally, if first you don't love yourself unconditionally, and this is what I am learning to do.
Looking forward to hear from all of you..
Ciao
Cindy |
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| Latest articles: Devastation in Italy
This question has 2 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
26 August 2016: This has got nothing to do with romance or relationships or love- maybe with love for our fellow human beings, i.e. solidariety and compassion , so I hope that the mods will publish this regardless. On August 24th a devastating eartquak...
Ten best ways for a woman to be given her walking papers.
This question has 7 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
19 August 2014: Yeah I know : ultimately love is a mystery, not an exact science. There's always an element of sheer luck, of serendipity, of magic in it. Some times you do everything right, by the book, you are the perfect gf / wife / lover .. and you still get ...
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I don't love him. Should I leave?
Q. You shouldn't leave the one you love for the one you like. but what if i don't LOVE him? Overtime my feelings towards my boyfriend of 5 months have changed. I never really found him physically attractive, and now since we are back at school, i don...
A. 30 September 2011: That's why staying friends with an ex never works.
Friendship implies a balance and reciprocity of mutual feelings and interest.
But, you treat him as a friend,- or,maybe, more as a sounding board or a shoulder to cry on etc., and he does not... (read in full...)
I don't love him. Should I leave?
Q. You shouldn't leave the one you love for the one you like. but what if i don't LOVE him? Overtime my feelings towards my boyfriend of 5 months have changed. I never really found him physically attractive, and now since we are back at school, i don...
A. 19 August 2011: He'll get over it. He would have cried even more if he should have found out you are ashamed to be seen with him. ... (read in full...)
Why do people think its okay to berate women who sleep with married men?
Q. I'm so fed up reading people taking the moral high ground on every topic, especially that of married cheats and 'home wreckers' There is so much contraversy surrounding cheating at the moment on this site and I would like to express my views as...
A. 18 August 2011: And she had that option too. She is not obliged to say yes to anything that's callous/shady/ devious/morally questionable etc. etc. She can decide she does not care and will just do whatever she wants to do and up yours to everybody else - that's ... (read in full...)
I don't get hit on! Is it because I'm a redhead?
Q. Hi guy, just a question thats been troubling me for sometime now. I hardly get hit on by the opposite sex. I was wondering if its to do with the fact that im a redhead and have a lot of small freckles on my face and body?. After seeing comments...
A. 18 August 2011: No, it can't be that. Red is SEXY. Have you seen how many dyed redheads are there around ? Zillions, and it must mean something if so many women are willing to spend money to BECOME redheads.
Including me :) I inherited the washed down vers... (read in full...)
Why do people think its okay to berate women who sleep with married men?
Q. I'm so fed up reading people taking the moral high ground on every topic, especially that of married cheats and 'home wreckers' There is so much contraversy surrounding cheating at the moment on this site and I would like to express my views as...
A. 18 August 2011: I get the feeling you are not married, and I wonder if you'd still write the same post if you were married and your husband had a mistress.
Would you still feel that the other woman is not doing anything wrong, not crossing any boundaries , and ... (read in full...)
Porn: sometimes it's helpful
Q. I’ve read countless posts about porn. Women saying porn is killing their self-image, ruining their relationships. Men replying that it just goes with the territory, get over it. By and large the women having a problem with porn are young (18-25)....
A. 18 August 2011: OP, I realize that maybe the "fake boobed platinum blonde " line was a cheap shot, - because I just assumed your sexual tastes were necessarily coarse and mainstream and I did not think you could be a more refined discriminating gentleman with more ... (read in full...)
Not even been for our first date yet and he texts saying 'Love ya'. What does this mean?
Q. I'm going on a first date and the man I've been talking to and texting he texts me and out of the blue says love ya what does that mean ?...
A. 17 August 2011: It means absolutely nothing, it's just an affectation. Not so strange in USA, I know lots of people who end their messages or e-mails with "Love" or "Kisses" even when the personal degree of acquaintance would not warrant at all this kind of ... (read in full...)
Am I over-analyzing/ over-stressing about my situation? Or is my restlessness justified?
Q. My boyfriend and I met in college where we were first friends and now have been dating for 4 years. I would love for him to propose to me sometime soon. However,I do not have a job and without the financial stability of two incomes (his and mine), ...
A. 17 August 2011: Why does it have to be a June wedding ? Why does it have to be necessarily June 2012 ? Why does it have to be a big fancy wedding that you need saving a lot of money for ?
Yeah well, because that's what you want what you dream and what you wish... (read in full...)
How do I cope and how can I support my partner?
Q. hi guys my boyfriend who has been a weed addict has quit since sunday (which is the last time i saw him) i texted him today which is usually when we see each other and asked if he wanted to hang out. he didnt reply for a while then just called...
A. 17 August 2011: The reason would be obvious and it is the same for everybody who announces they are going to stop drinking or smoking or they are going on a diet- and then they don't : because they are ashamed and feel lousy about it. If he promised he'd stop ... (read in full...)
How do I cope and how can I support my partner?
Q. hi guys my boyfriend who has been a weed addict has quit since sunday (which is the last time i saw him) i texted him today which is usually when we see each other and asked if he wanted to hang out. he didnt reply for a while then just called...
A. 17 August 2011: So much for all the people who say that weed is not addictive then ?...
Uhm, I admit I am not a major expert, but... there is something fishy here. I mean, weaning yourself off weed is not like weaning yourself off heroin- or even just ciga... (read in full...)
Why are my friends being so rude and reading my messages to my boyfriend?
Q. Hi aunts and uncles, I recently got an iPhone and my friends have been playing with the games I downloaded. I have no qualms about lending my phone for my friends to play but 2 of them have conveniently went to my Whatsapp to read messages between ...
A. 17 August 2011: Maybe rude people who disregard the privacy of others still exist because these " others " let them get away with it and there are no consequences to pay. Like in your case . You get mad, you get frustrated, you complain.. but you still count them ... (read in full...)
What kind of immature cop-out is the "the chase"?
Q. Why can't guys have honest, loving relationships? Are they not man enough to have them? If I care for a guy, why do I have to play coy and hard to get for his attention? Mind-games are disrespectful and hurtful. If he doesn't want the comfort, ...
A. 17 August 2011: You don't have to play mind games. In fact , if you find yourself playing coy , or hard to get, or playing any tricks - like a trained dog- to grab and keep his atttention or get a reaction out of him, it's a simple and clear sign you are not meant ... (read in full...)
I don't love him. Should I leave?
Q. You shouldn't leave the one you love for the one you like. but what if i don't LOVE him? Overtime my feelings towards my boyfriend of 5 months have changed. I never really found him physically attractive, and now since we are back at school, i don...
A. 17 August 2011: Of course . Why are you wasting this poor guy's time ? You already misled him telling him you loved him when you did not even know if it was true, now it's only fair you let him free to find someone who is better matched to him. I don't see the ... (read in full...)
My depressed bf told me today he doesn't know how to love anymore...and I'm 15-weeks pregnant with his baby!!!
Q. Ok so my boyfriend told me today he doesn't know how to love anymore, he's so depressed ..which is very scary because I'm 15 weeks preg. But idk what to do...we both still live with our parents but he doesn't work cuz he has back problems on account ...
A. 17 August 2011: Maybe he is not depressed, he is simply bored out of his mind. I don't want accuse him of being lazy since I know nothing about this guy, but maybe he just got stuck into a root and habit and convenience keep him there.
Are his injuries really so s... (read in full...)
Porn: sometimes it's helpful
Q. I’ve read countless posts about porn. Women saying porn is killing their self-image, ruining their relationships. Men replying that it just goes with the territory, get over it. By and large the women having a problem with porn are young (18-25)....
A. 17 August 2011: Oh please. I think you are just looking for excuses to give yourself permission to be "naughty". You've got itches to scratch- then scratch them, but don't blame them on your wife or kids. So, after 25 years together, you don't make love twice a ... (read in full...)
I'm confused. She gave me her number and now won't answer?!
Q. So, a couple days ago at work this group comes in. I'm behind the desk so I help everyone. Consequently I sing really well so from time to time i sing to customers and at some point during the night, must have sung to this girl because she came up ...
A. 17 August 2011: Very normal. Not saying it is nice or right or acceptable, just that it happens all the time and there is nothing confusing. Just, most people, particularly women, are better at using diplomatic evasive tacticts than at being assertive and ... (read in full...)
The little things are starting to get to me.....any advice?
Q. My wife and I have been married a little over a year and we have been together for 5 years. I love my wife but i'm forseeing problems that I don't know we can help. Everyone has their hangups. Not flushing the toilet sometimes, being a little messy, ...
A. 17 August 2011: Has she been checked for Attention Deficit Disorder ? What you mention is rather typical of adults with ADD, they may be very intelligent, functional, productive etc. but they will get stuck on some things and will have to ask you the same ... (read in full...)
I sent him off to have sex with transgenders, now I feel sick!
Q. I've been with a guy for 4 years, stable relationship and couple of years ago he told me he likes transgender girls. I'm a very open minded person, and accepted he's sexuality and told him that I would support him if he needed to explore he's sex...
A. 7 August 2011: Had you agreed you were going to have an open relationship ? Because, basically,he is cheating,it does not matter if he is having sex with females,males or transgenders,transgenders are PERSONS too,so your bf is having sex with a PERSON who is not ... (read in full...)
Sometimes my boyfriend gets really mean with my children. Should I listen to the voice in my head telling me to end things?
Q. Dear Aunts, I am a single mother of two loving boys, 12 and 5 years old. I am currently in nursing college. I have a boyfriend and we've been together for five years. We met 6 months after I got my second child. My children adore and loves hi...
A. 7 August 2011: Ok, by now I know that the Aunts are supposed not to be judgemental and all that, but, sorry, I cannot take it, some things just make my blood boil, so.... hallo, Julliet,welcome among the awake, what have you being doing lately ?Drinking massive ... (read in full...)
Am afraid of telling the elderly people I work with that I am leaving my job...how do I handle this?
Q. Hi just a quick question. Hope you can help. This is not relationship question. It is regarding my work. I work in the community, have done so for 6 years and over the years, i have built up some good friendships. But due to the attitudes of th...
A. 7 August 2011: You are very nice to be so concerned,but probably you are worrying way too much. Saying goodbye, and having people coming and going in and out of your life, is simply a fact of life. It does not cease to be momentarily troubling,but normally you ... (read in full...)
What do high self esteem women care about V low self esteem women?
Q. Is it generally true that low self esteem women care more about the status/popularity/what everyone else thinks of the men they choose to be with, i.e. the more popular the better, and that high self esteem women don't particularly care about status ...
A. 7 August 2011: Yes and not. I think it is true that insecure, low self esteem women feel exceedingly gratified and reassured if they can snatch up someone "prestigious" as for his status,popularity, social rank etc. because in this way they get by proxy what they ... (read in full...)
His daughter is a selfish brat and I'm running out of patience!
Q. Hi I have been with my partner for over a year.He has a 17 year old daughter who is controlling.About a month ago when they had an argument she told him that she hates where she stays and wants to stay with her Mum who was the bad one in my ...
A. 7 August 2011: Sorry that you feel picked on, OP- I think this happens because you are missing the point, which is simply: his kid, his rules,his choices. You think that he may need your help to make better choices, but it is not necessarily so.
You have grow... (read in full...)
His daughter is a selfish brat and I'm running out of patience!
Q. Hi I have been with my partner for over a year.He has a 17 year old daughter who is controlling.About a month ago when they had an argument she told him that she hates where she stays and wants to stay with her Mum who was the bad one in my ...
A. 5 August 2011: So you are angry because he buys sweets
for his daughter ? And you in your mind have decided that she does not deserve them.
That sounds like run of the mill, garden variety, common jealousy to me. You are jealous of the attentions your partner ... (read in full...)
Thoughts only why I'm called a slut and 19 months along enough time to wait to loss virginity?
Q. okay well i lost my virginity to much boyfriend of 19 months at the time. he was a virgin also. i was just kinda wondering was that a good about of time to wait. i thought so but just wondering. also why do you thik people call me a slut when ive ...
A. 5 August 2011: In your age bracket you should not be having sex at all, period. It is against the law and it is a bad idea for all kind of psychological,emotional,physical and social reasons.
Which of course does not entitle anybody to be mean and call you name... (read in full...)
I'm having second thoughts about moving in with my boyfriend.
Q. My boyfriend and I have been planning on moving in for a couple of months. Last month two of his friends asked him to stay with him for a while until he was. They're a couple. He allowed them to move in but did not tell me. He said it was a short ...
A. 27 July 2011: Going to live with 3 people, two of which you don't even know ?
You wanted to move in with your boyfriend, not join a commune ! You are surely not old , but I think you are way over the phase when " the more the merrier ".
Your boyfrien... (read in full...)
Would you do extreme commuting to be with a partner?
Q. Hi Ive been with my partner almost 3 years now, its a distance relationship. We get on fantastic when together but sometimes the strain of being apart leads to a few arguments. We both have decent jobs we have had for 20 years and dont want t...
A. 27 July 2011: No. 3 hours commuting a day on top of the work day ? Unthinkable. You'd both be perennially tired and stressed out and you'd probably spend arguing the little time that's left.
I had a long distance marriage for a few years.He worked in anot... (read in full...)
Should I be specific and let him know that I'm looking to finish what we started the other night, sexually?
Q. Went out with a guy twice (but kind of knew him through mutual friends before that). First time, he was a perfect gentleman and only hugged me at end of night. A few days later, he invited me impromptu to hang out at his house w/a few guy friends ...
A. 27 July 2011: I don't think he felt rejected. Not all girls want to have sex on the first of second date, and he must have factored that in. Plus, maybe you did him a favour, he called you from a bar to come over in the middle of the night- he must have been ... (read in full...)
I found out that the man I was dating is married...now what?
Q. I was dating a man for 3 months and a week ago I found out that he is married. His wife read my message on his phone, contacted me and told me that they've known each other for 11 years, are married, have a 6 year old child and that she's now ...
A. 27 July 2011: Dear fellow Italian, ( but, tbh, I have some doubts that you truly are Italian, no Italian woman would be so naive- Italian girls are BORN worldwise,lol ) that' s a strange way of reasoning. My neighbour has a fantastic car ,that I would like ... (read in full...)
I havent had sex in 2 years and scared of getting emotionally attached....should I go for it anyway?
Q. Ok so me and an old friend got in contact through facebook.. We've talked met up a couple of times.. Well I remember I used to have the biggest crush on him.. He was even my first kiss back when we were in our teens.. Well we're older now and we ...
A. 27 July 2011: Maybe not. Because you already know what will happen , the same it happens now. You meet casually , you fool around, you stop one inch short of penetration, but you don't have a relationship. It won't change that much - you'll meet casually, ... (read in full...)
How can I stop my 13-year-old brother from starting to have sex?
Q. I need some advice on what to tell my brother. He is thirteen and i have recently discovered that is thinking about having sex. His mates are apparently doing it and I've told him i am sickened by this and all the other usual blah like you're ...
A. 27 July 2011: Don't mind the anon male, you are an excellent sister for being worried at the idea of a 13 y.o., basically a child regardless of how physically developped, getting involved too early in experiences that he is WAY too young to handle. Of course ... (read in full...)
I can get a roomate or move in with my mother for free and save for a house...advice?
Q. Hello all, After a horrible year and a break up with a guy with an addiction, I feel like I want to get my life on track. I'm 37, now single, female with no kids. I feel like I have wasted so many years on bad choices and now would like contr...
A. 27 July 2011: I vote for mom. You get along with her , and she's family anyway ,- it may feel weird for a while, then again who tells you that the new roommate could not be the roomate from hell and stress you out even more.
It's only temporary- 6 months will... (read in full...)
I found out that the man I was dating is married...now what?
Q. I was dating a man for 3 months and a week ago I found out that he is married. His wife read my message on his phone, contacted me and told me that they've known each other for 11 years, are married, have a 6 year old child and that she's now ...
A. 27 July 2011: I don't think his family also arranged for him to have sex with his wife and impregnate her twice. He must have been not totally extraneous to that, don't you think ?
One could have given him the benefit of doubt if he had came clean from the star... (read in full...)
All about tattoos...just how bad is the pain?
Q. I know this isn't a relationship question, but I get a lot of great advice from this site and it's always my first choice. My question is for those who have tattoos. I've been looking at a lot of tattoo related things lately, and my biggest curio...
A. 27 July 2011: I have my tattoo - medium /small - on my upper arm close to the shoulder - and I did not feel absolutely anything at all. ( And my level of tolerance to physical pain is rather low ). But, maybe I was just lucky, or I chanced into the wizard of ... (read in full...)
How long do you think a guy waits to pop the question?
Q. Ok so I am 20 years old and my bf is 25, we have been together for a year and a few months. We both love each other a lot and we have made it a point to include each other in our separate lives since we started dating. I know all of his family and ...
A. 27 July 2011: Everybody is different. Ideally, it would be when he's absolutely certain ( or as humanly certain as one can be in this world of uncertainties ) that he has found the right one AND when it's realistically feasible to get married in a relatively ... (read in full...)
I think I'm more into her than she is to me and its bothering me
Q. Good Afternoon, Couple of months ago i had posted a question on this forum and i got some great advice from folks here on site. http://www.dearcupid.org/question/do-girls-like-their-space-will-she-feel.html I have a followup question on t...
A. 27 July 2011: My friend, you give a whole new meaning to the words "Canadian Creeper " . Just kidding, but yeah, it's a matter of tastes, you'd be definitely too clingy and needy for some people.
Also because it's totally unnecessary. The relationship is prec... (read in full...)
Should I just have sex with him since I may never see him again?
Q. He is 29 and I am 30. I fell in love with him for the past one month and I thought he was too, but now I am not sure if he feels love or lust for me.He wanted animalistic sex(no kiss, doggy style) and I refused. I deliberately but not openly avoided ...
A. 26 July 2011: He cares ?! He cares about getting laid, that's for sure.
As horny goes,he is definitely horny. Which not necessarily will make him a lover to remember.
You are both adults and there 's nothing wrong in having a sexual fling if you are both sin... (read in full...)
What gives women the right to judge men for having been to prostitutes?
Q. Every time a man complains about a woman's sexual past he gets told he has no right to talk about it. But a lot of women will judge a man if they hear that he has slept with a prostitute. It's hypocrisy. If the past can't be held against one ...
A. 26 July 2011: Precisely , OP. No good comparing reds with blues because we should first unquestionably agree about what's the inherent degree of immorality of each colour , - and if we come from very different backgrounds, religions,geographic areas ... (read in full...)
Are thee any feelings there or was it all an act? Where did I go wrong?
Q. now i want you to know... my ex is bipolar. so confused someone help. my ex gf came over the other night and hung out with me when she got out of work. was a little past midnight and we ended up talking and hanging out till about 3:30 or 4....
A. 26 July 2011: My ex's ex was bipolar too and the reason why they had broken up was because every few months she would go on a sexual rampage and would sleep with some random " friend ". My ex forgave her twice but the problem was that she couldn't/wouldn't ... (read in full...)
Are we going to last? Or are we going too fast?
Q. hi there i am 20 yrs old 21 in novemebr and i going out with a guy in who is 25 he is in the army he broke up with his pregant eex to be with me. we are together nearly a yr now and i just want to no will we last or are we going to fast. i have ...
A. 26 July 2011: Honey who knows. We'd need a crystal ball to answer you.You have only been going out 8 months, and you are not living together yet that's where all the kinks come out. Maybe it will sizzle then fizzle, or maybe not. Too early to say, and too little ... (read in full...)
Why is arrogance so appealing? Should I become more arrogant?
Q. Hi! I m a 25yr old, have average looks, good physique, sound financial position, and have a good behaviour(as people around me say). I never disgrace someone, never think anyone is inferior to me, never show off my attitude to anybody. Some of ...
A. 26 July 2011: I don't know you and I don't know how you act, so my answer can be quite off the mark, but personally I think it's a matter of striking the right balance.
The ideal is a quiet self confidence, no more and no less.
I find arrogance totally ... (read in full...)
Does he really want to take things slow relationship-wise, or does he just not want me for a relationship?
Q. About 2 weeks ago I got out of a long-term relationship. I met a man shortly after who I absolutely loved spending time with. The third day that we hung out, we had sex, and it was beautiful. But I'm falling hard for him and I want a relationship ...
A. 26 July 2011: You may be open with him but I doubt he is open with you.
He wants to take things slow, but he wants sex the third time he sees you ? ..How come he want things slow relationshipwise but fast sexually ? . ... (read in full...)
How do I move on from this jerk who got me pregnant and now wants nothing to do with me?
Q. Hey everyone! You may remember me from the guy who got me pregnant on purpose and then completely got disrespectful and wanted me to have an abortion... anyhow, I'm now 10 wks preggo, I've seen the guy a few times (being dumb) because he has acted ...
A. 26 July 2011: Uh-uh. Necessary ear pull : to move on you also need snapping out of the victim mentality. He did not get you pregnant on purpose, you did that to yourself. You weren't using contracception, no contracception, very often = pregnancy. As you knew ... (read in full...)
Should I just have sex with him since I may never see him again?
Q. He is 29 and I am 30. I fell in love with him for the past one month and I thought he was too, but now I am not sure if he feels love or lust for me.He wanted animalistic sex(no kiss, doggy style) and I refused. I deliberately but not openly avoided ...
A. 26 July 2011: No no NO ! Your hormons are singing like Ulysses' sirens and it's difficult to resist their melody, I imagine:)... but , that's going to be such a botched job and a let down.
You are a virgin. You want to have a good memory about your first time... (read in full...)
What gives women the right to judge men for having been to prostitutes?
Q. Every time a man complains about a woman's sexual past he gets told he has no right to talk about it. But a lot of women will judge a man if they hear that he has slept with a prostitute. It's hypocrisy. If the past can't be held against one ...
A. 25 July 2011: OP, I am not sure I get what you mean. Who are those millions of men who don't have realistic access to non mercenary sexual experiences ?.. Unless we are talking about people working in some remote minerary district, with 500 males for every ... (read in full...)
What gives women the right to judge men for having been to prostitutes?
Q. Every time a man complains about a woman's sexual past he gets told he has no right to talk about it. But a lot of women will judge a man if they hear that he has slept with a prostitute. It's hypocrisy. If the past can't be held against one ...
A. 25 July 2011: I don't think it's a fair comparison.
Men who have issues with their wife's or gf's sexual past in general - note, I say in general - have , to same extent, a sexual past too. They have had sexual experiences too, even if in a smaller quan... (read in full...)
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