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... Send *indyCares a private message | | | *indyCares's profile:Hi everybody. I am an Italian woman currently living in Italy but I spent many years in England and USA. I hope my English is still decent but in case it got a little rusty, please be lenient.
My age ? Let say that I am way past the stage when you cry if the boy you like takes your best friend to the prom, and young enough to remember how awful that feels.
What qualifies me to help people- well, let me show off just a bit and mention that I studied Psychology 4 years in college, and, even if then I graduated in a different subject, I never lost my interest in psychology and kept reading a lot about this subject. Yet that does not really qualify me for anything because intellectual knowledge is not the same as real life experience. So let's say I feel I can advice people because I have lived a lot, travelled a lot, met a lot of people from all backgrounds , races and religions- I have loved a lot, and I have also been dumped a lot :)
Plus, I am really fascinated with people and their stories. Not in a gossipy way. I just find that every person is a whole new world that I am excited to discover.
Right now I am single- and happily so. I realized- better late than never - that rather than waiting for Prince Charming I should first become a Princess myself. You can't love anybody unconditionally, if first you don't love yourself unconditionally, and this is what I am learning to do.
Looking forward to hear from all of you..
Ciao
Cindy |
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| Latest articles: Devastation in Italy
This question has 2 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
26 August 2016: This has got nothing to do with romance or relationships or love- maybe with love for our fellow human beings, i.e. solidariety and compassion , so I hope that the mods will publish this regardless. On August 24th a devastating eartquak...
Ten best ways for a woman to be given her walking papers.
This question has 7 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
19 August 2014: Yeah I know : ultimately love is a mystery, not an exact science. There's always an element of sheer luck, of serendipity, of magic in it. Some times you do everything right, by the book, you are the perfect gf / wife / lover .. and you still get ...
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What should I do with my girlfriend who is into muscles
Q. This would sound a bit silly, but i've become to realize my gal is a MUSCLE fan. She even mentions it in a very inconsiderate way, like if we'd be talking, and i mentioned a guy's name, she's say "yeh the guy with the muscles" literately. No ...
A. 4 December 2011: While I agree that if your gf is unhappy with the way she looks she should work on her body and not on yours obviously, I think you are overreacting to the whole issue and that you must hide some insecurity- maybe just a tad :)? otherwise this ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend keeps hinting for money.
Q. My boyfriend keeps asking for money indirectly. He would say my mom is not giving me money we can't date. Or he would go directly like 'can i ask you something? No leave it'. If I say tell me he would ask me. I mean I am not so rich. I don't have a ...
A. 2 December 2011: It is a scam. 99.8 percent this is a big fat lie, that he made up to get money out of you. In the off chance it is true....3 days in jail will not kill him and will teach him to stay out of trouble.
Wake up girl, you need to let him go, this is n... (read in full...)
Should I continue to wait and see, or contact him?
Q. Not sure what I should do if I very much would like to get back together with my ex-fiance. My ex broke it off with me a little over a yr. ago. When he ended it his only reason at the time was that he was not happy. Yes, we did have our problems ...
A. 27 November 2011: Frankly I think you should do neither . You should just move on.
There's too much guesswork here, too many assumptions. I am not saying you can't be right, but there are many other ways to read the situations you describe.
For instance, you thin... (read in full...)
My boyfriend keeps hinting for money.
Q. My boyfriend keeps asking for money indirectly. He would say my mom is not giving me money we can't date. Or he would go directly like 'can i ask you something? No leave it'. If I say tell me he would ask me. I mean I am not so rich. I don't have a ...
A. 27 November 2011: Honey, being shy does not mean being DUMB, and sorry but you are acting dumb. You are being taken adavantage of.
a) He does not need money to go out with you, you could just walk and if he liked you that would be enough for him ( And what does... (read in full...)
Is it normal to be depressed when I can't see my boyfriend and friends?
Q. I always feel sad when im not with my boyfriend and want to be with him all the time, ive just hurt my foot and been on crutches for the last week (im off them now) but i couldnt get around as much or get go anywhere without my friends, so i didnt ...
A. 27 November 2011: "All the time" ? Uhm.No, all the time it's not normal, and it's not good even. You'll have to learn a bit more independent, and able to occupy/ distract yourself also without your partner and friends. Btw, if you could not go and reach him, why... (read in full...)
How can I avoid an Arranged Marriage? I do not wish it to go ahead. What should be my actions and behaviour in this situation?
Q. I am getting married as per my parents wish to a guy who is a liar, unattractive, no mannerisms, hypocrite, etc. Worst I get shivering spine when I think I will have to go to bed with him, for which he is eagerly waiting. He thinks himself very ove...
A. 26 November 2011: OP, I know that for us Aunts from Europe and America is so easy to say " oh just say no" or " just talk to your parents ", when instead the reality is that still today arranged marriages are prevalent, accepted and encouraged in India, and going ... (read in full...)
I've been a supportive husband to my EXTREMELY accident-prone wife-what are my options in this situation?
Q. In 15 years of marriage,( second marriage for both of us ), my wife has been sick or injured more times than I can count. Car wrecks, falling down stairs, back injuries, broken legs, hips, collar bones, arms, wrists, and even a concusion that res...
A. 26 November 2011: Well, if all this is just due to sheer bad luck, just asking " what options do I have " sounds a bit harsh to me . Why, what options would you want ? jumping ship ? your vows said " in sickness and in health"- I am sure you would not appreciate ... (read in full...)
I love him. How do I cope with him? Or even move on from my married boy friend, who cheated on me, AGAIN?
Q. hello aunts, i am still obsessed with my married boy friend who cheated on me 3 months ago. Since then i have been living in tears as i love him so much. I know he is bad, but i cannot make up my mind. He cheated on me even before and i forgave ...
A. 26 November 2011: Unluckily, as my grandma used to say " Who sails certain seas, catches certain kinds of fish ".
He had no scruples on cheating on his wife with you, so he had and will have even less scruples on cheating on you with another woman.
If your par... (read in full...)
Is it ok to date a friend's daughter?
Q. I was having a conversation the other day about morals, and the person asked me if I thought it was ok to date a friend's daughter. We didn't go into depth in terms of which friend, how long you'd known them, etc. personally, I couldn't see a p...
A. 26 November 2011: @ Anon male reader. Excuse me dear anon, but you are discovering hot water. Of course eventually the father and friend will have to grit his teeth and get the fuck over it, the alternative ( shooting the indiscreet friend down with a two barrel ... (read in full...)
Does he like me or not? If anyone could give any suggestions please feel free, as I'm stumped
Q. I havent used this site in a while now but here goes, i started a new job in september and everything is going good. I have made some new friends which is always a bonus :) but there is this one guy we'll call R, he's really shy but he's good loo...
A. 26 November 2011: Alas, it sounds to me like a very polite brush off. I mean, the point of going out on a date is to get to know the other person better and closer than in the environment where you have met her ( work, school, gym, club... ) , it's a shortcut, I ... (read in full...)
Should I wait like a lady for my boyfriend to pick me up like my mum says?
Q. My bf of 2 years has night shifts and at the end of the week, I usually drive over to his house and wake him up because he is capable of sleeping till night time (cause of his night shifts)... Well I never saw anything wrong with that cause if we go ...
A. 26 November 2011: I agree with Ciar, I don't think that your mother is trying to be Mrs. Cunningham ( the mother from Happy Days ), I think that she is uneasy about how he is making you " work " in this relationship. If he has a date with you, how is he " capable ... (read in full...)
Is it ok to date a friend's daughter?
Q. I was having a conversation the other day about morals, and the person asked me if I thought it was ok to date a friend's daughter. We didn't go into depth in terms of which friend, how long you'd known them, etc. personally, I couldn't see a p...
A. 25 November 2011: Eeew .Creepy.
I am not against age difference on principle, even if making a relationship with a big age gap work happily ever after is rare and difficult. But not every relationship is meant to be happily ever after ,yet it can still be posi... (read in full...)
He took part in a golf tournament with another woman because I'm not good enough! Now we cant stop rowing about this, what should I do?
Q. My husband and I both play golf. He has been a member for years and plays regularly, but I am a beginner and only get chance to play occasionally. At the weekend the club were holding an Open Doubles Competition which he wanted to play in. All ...
A. 25 November 2011: I admit I must be coming from Mars too, because I don't understand what you are rowing about.
Your husband was OK with partnering with you, it was you that refused. Then, and only then, he looked for another partner to play with, and this part... (read in full...)
Health problems and being teased about it. Please help?
Q. This is not a question about love or anything but I could use the help. Sorry for the length of it in advance but please!! When I was little my bestfriend’s brother had this friend who was horrible, he always picked on me because I have red hair ...
A. 25 November 2011: First of all, red hair ROCK . I am a natural brunette and so far I have spent an inordinate amount of money for being a fake redhead, what do you think ,that I am a masochist ?? I am not. The right shade of red ( maybe get some help from a good ... (read in full...)
My wife stares at other men when we are out together. What to do?
Q. My wife is 10 years younger than me. I'm 38 and when we go out I find her staring at other men. I try to tell her it bothers me but she just denies it. Should i even bother going on in this relationship?...
A. 25 November 2011: Please define staring.
Staring,like really staring - leering ,drooling over them, undressing them with her eyes ?
Or just looking at them ?
I ( and tons of other people !) like to see beauty around me and I am attracted to all that looks good. ... (read in full...)
His text left me confused! What do you think he meant by this?
Q. hi - it is official i hate texting !!! This guy and i went out a couple of times and we slept together. Always initiated by him. I texted him asking to go out for drinks and he replied something VERY confusing: "i have to go out with some colleg...
A. 25 November 2011: Btw, this is one of the reason why I think texts should be only used to say " Train arrives at 6.40 ". " I am running 30 minutes late ", stuff like that. For all the rest, they have invented phones and it was an excellent invention.
It sounds to m... (read in full...)
How do I lessen the pain for my first time?
Q. I'm 16, and I've recently watched my first porn videos (just like 4 or so), but I stopped quickly because I felt so bad for watching them, like I've done something I wasn't supposed to. I feel like I did something wrong, and I'm really embarrassed ...
A. 25 November 2011: You must have been be one of those kids who watch MacGyver then blow up their parents' attic in the attempt of building a rocket or something, lol .
No darling " don't try this at home ", the porn actresses are not virgins and can stand a diff... (read in full...)
Could use a little advice on what to do after my first date...
Q. So had a really awesome first date with a very pretty girl that I met online last night. Honestly a little out of my league, but I am very into her. I'm just being real here that I am fit, have a great job, witty, confident, etc... but I am balding ...
A. 25 November 2011: Maybe you should update your profile pics with the current ones. So you can't be accused of false in advertising :)
She might be not bothered at all by your hair or lack of the same, but she ( or another girl ) might be bothered by your atte... (read in full...)
Should I tell my girlfriend the condom split when we were having sex?
Q. I really need help :/ I had sex with a condom with my girlfriend but I think the condom split! She dosent know it yet, I want to tell her but its only a matter of time before she finds out anyway, its just I think I should mention it first so it ...
A. 24 November 2011: " Had a go " ?...
You are underage. She is underage ( I imagine ). You are breaking the law .
Get her pregnant and in need of an abortion, and her dad might be showing you a real proper " having a go " , - with a horse whip in his hands. ... (read in full...)
Leaving my whole family behind for marriage. How to deal with this?
Q. My soon to be husband is English. I am Australian. We met in the UK whilst i was living there for 2 years. In a few months we will be getting married and i will be permanently moving to the UK for the rest of my life (in theory, life changes of ...
A. 24 November 2011: I did it -from Italy to California then New York - and I do not regret it for a sec - it was just great - even if I belong to those affected eventually by life that brings changes :)
Of course emigrating now is not like it was a century ago.... (read in full...)
Is is cheating or is it my bi-polar disorder?
Q. Hi guys I'm Tiffany My fiance is Elvin and I love him very much. I have bi-polar disorder,anxiety,and depression. I do not take pills do to no insurance but doing teh best I can to figh the sickness:/....I have been having anxiety lately because I ...
A. 24 November 2011: I think he's telling you the truth- I got requests myself for Yahoo messenger from Brittany This and Tiffany That,- I think it's bots, but whatever it is, sure nobody that I know or that I have gone looking for !
Said that, you sound seri... (read in full...)
Is a 30 year old man too old for a girl of 19?
Q. Ok so I met a guy in April met at a nightclub he was 24 we hit it off got together but within about a month weird things started uhappening he kept having serious accidents I couldn't get thru to his phone he could only call me he claimed it was a ...
A. 24 November 2011: Answer to first question : no. Obviously.
Why did he not allow to visit him in the hospital ? it was a broken jaw, not Intensive Care Unit !
Why can't you visit him at his friend 's ? I understand that he may not want you to spend the night th... (read in full...)
My gran has cancer and I want her to be around to see me get married and have kids....should I talk to my partner about getting married sooner?
Q. Just wondering if others can offer some advice. My gran, who i am really close to is in her 80s. I have always had this wish that she could be around to see me marry and provide her a great grandchild. WHen my grandfather passed away, it made me...
A. 24 November 2011: I agree with Caring Guy. Do you really want to pressure your bf into something so serious and which, for whatever reason, he is still not ready yet, to make your grandparent proud ? Is it granma before bf then ?..And do you expect he takes it as ... (read in full...)
Can my new Facebook friend be trusted? Should I send him the picture he wants?
Q. I met a guy on Facebook, he said he likes me, he is really nice and sweet. But there's something weird about him, he wants me to send him my picture but he doesn't want to give me his phone number. He said he is just being careful and I'm being ...
A. 24 November 2011: It's ok to be a little bit of a perv....? Oh great. He's grooming you for cybersex or wanking off to your pics or worse trading them or selling them on the Internet.
And no, it's not OK at all because you are a minor ! How old is he btw,... (read in full...)
We can never plan anything but his ex can!
Q. I have a really small question that is out of my depth so wanted ppls opinions please! My fella and I have been together 4 months. He has children with his ex and we have made sure that everything stays exactly the same (ie..he takes them footb...
A. 24 November 2011: I understand your frustration, to a point, but ... see it this way : for whatever reason ( including probably that he LIKES to spend weekends with his children since he can't see them every day anymore ) they have agreed that he gets his kids every ... (read in full...)
Question for men: Why do guys tell all women they date the same lines?
Q. I have a question for any men that happen to read this. Why do some guys tell every single woman they are involved with the same exact lines, the same exact stories, and act the same way? I recently got in touch with three of my boyfriend's ex ...
A. 24 November 2011: In a way I can see where you are coming from,I too think that for certain words to mean anything you have to use them sparingly .If you love everybody...you probably can't really love anybody. In acting school they were always insisting on the ... (read in full...)
Does anyone agree with "everything happens for a reason"
Q. I was wondering, do you believe in the phrase "everything happens for a reason". I am finding it hard to believe at the moment. I applied for my dream job (a promotion), got an interview... Everything was going well. The panel knew me, gave me...
A. 23 November 2011: That's a good question and one that most religions and philosophies have been and still are struggling to answer ,without reaching a final consensus.
I think that I don't know if everything happens for a reason, but I know that every crisis is a... (read in full...)
I didn't like the message my b/f received on his phone
Q. I have been dating my boyfriend for 9 months now and things are getting serious. He has asked me to move in with him at Christmas and we see each other every day. Everything is great but the problem is he works nights, he is a taxi driver, and in ...
A. 23 November 2011: That sounds strange to me. So far I must have called literally thousands of cabs ( 3 or 4 a day when I lived in Manhattan ) and nobody ever gave me his personal mobile number . If he works for a company , he's not allowed to do that . If he is ... (read in full...)
Obviously he still finds me attractive but I'm not sure what he wants.
Q. Do you think this guy still likes me ? I bumped into him recently in a pub in town.we used to be seeing each other for about 2 months.my mum was with me when i bumped into him but she bought a drink for him and left us alone to talk.we didnt have a ...
A. 23 November 2011: Assume he wants nothing. Because he does nothing, except admiring your sexy a**. He wanted to call you, but. But what, the point is that he did not call you did he ?. He may have had reasons and motives and scruples for not calling you after ... (read in full...)
Did this seem like an unreasonable question to ask him? Why did he not reply?
Q. Hello All, I recently started a relationship with a guy and both of us were very nervous about getting into a relationship. After talking a lot about many things like previous relationships, family, friends, ect. and a few sleep overs without sex, ...
A. 23 November 2011: It may be reasonable, but it's hard to answer. He has no control over what you feel and will feel, he only has control over his end of the things- which include doing what's best for him and his future , i.e. moving to the new college. He can't ... (read in full...)
I'm confused.. do I stay with him or not?
Q. i am been seeing a guy for about 2 1/2 years but we have never been in touch all 12 months, he has health issues but wont let me be there for him, right know its been 10 months since we saw each other and have only im ed on yahoo 3 times, his ...
A. 23 November 2011: I'm sorry but I think you are "together " just in your mind and fantasy. He lives only an hour away but won't come to see you and won't ask you to visit him. Last time you saw him was 10 months ago and since then you IMed 3 times ( initiated by ... (read in full...)
Is it ok to date my 5th cousin?
Q. ok is it wrong for me to be dating my 5th cousin.i told my mom and she says that is my choice of who i date but is it wrong?...
A. 23 November 2011: A 5th cousin ? It's ok, but ... that would mean that your great-great-grandparents were cousins, how did you get to keep track since so far back in time ?... (read in full...)
Extremely insecure about my small breasts! I want to go out with my friends and not feel inferior, because they get more attention than I do. I want to feel like a sexy woman!
Q. I have small breasts and this makes me feel insecure, especially because my ex was more into bigger ones. I have also noticed that most men prefer big ones. I know looks supposedly don’t matter, but men, even other women, seem to make such a big ...
A. 22 November 2011: Oh well. I have big breasts, and when I was younger they were really a sight to behold- and yet I can't say my breasts have particularly helped me ( or hindered me ) in life, love and romance. I think you are way overestimating the power of a ... (read in full...)
So lost and hurt after discovering my boyfriend has been sleeping with some of his female friends
Q. What do I do? i love him so much but i'm so lost and hurt. I found out recently my bf has been sleeping with one of his friends since we got together and then found out he recently had a threesome with two of his other female friends. That and ...
A. 21 November 2011: Don't be so naive. Give this soldier his marching orders.... (read in full...)
We fight so much! What should I do?
Q. I have almost been with my boyfriend for a year and we fight so much. I think I love him but then theres days when I just dont know anymore. how do I make things better and save our relationship ?...
A. 21 November 2011: Have you ever thought that if you fight "so much " you should not be together to begin with ?....You just don't work as a couple, that's all.
I know that some people thinks that fights and arguments are the spice of a relationship and make it "... (read in full...)
I think he's just living with me for the kids and because he doesn't want to live alone
Q. I feel my partner or supposed partner has a problem. He has started going out at wkends binge drinking and taking amphemines. We have 2 kids and our relationship has always been volitile. I dont feel he loves me and that im just the maid that does ...
A. 21 November 2011: You can't talk to an alcoholist on amphetamines, and you can't talk to someone who does not want to listen, and hope they care about what you've got to say.
He is being a horrible role model for your children, and you don't even sound so terr... (read in full...)
A never ending cycle of us fighting and in the end he says its always my fault
Q. I don't know what to do. I've been seeing someone way older than me, and at first I thought he was amazing and everything..but maybe because he puts off himself that way. He thinks he knows best about everything and thinks very highly of himself. He ...
A. 21 November 2011: He sounds plain crazy, maybe too many drugs fried his brain. Call him an ambulance for the loony bin, and gain back some perspective ( and your freedom ) before his bad example rubs off on you.... (read in full...)
Starting over again. Running out of time to have a family. Will men be put off by my situation when I start dating?
Q. I am 39 (40 next spring) and childless. I have just come out of a 10 year marriage which pretty much destroyed my sense of self worth / esteem. I am still a little raw but trying to move on. My hopes and dreams for a happy family life with a lovi...
A. 21 November 2011: Honestly ? Yes.
The problem won't be your age. 40 is a great age for a woman. Still young, still sexy and attractive and yet more mature, self confident and experienced ( in life, not just sexually ) . Most of my friends got married or re-m... (read in full...)
So lost and hurt after discovering my boyfriend has been sleeping with some of his female friends
Q. What do I do? i love him so much but i'm so lost and hurt. I found out recently my bf has been sleeping with one of his friends since we got together and then found out he recently had a threesome with two of his other female friends. That and ...
A. 21 November 2011: It means he knows you are a pushover and he knows you'll put up with stuff which would get him a swift kick in his arse from a vast majority of girls.... (read in full...)
Is it normal for someone 50 to ask their parent if its ok to take a bath?
Q. do you think its normal asking your parent that you will take a bath at the age of 50?someoene i know ask this question everytime want to take a bath in the night. i find it so weird? for me its wrong because personal hygiene.. why ask other people. ...
A. 21 November 2011: OP, why this is so strange to you , when you live with somebody else, you don't have the run of the house at your leasure, it's normal.
I often stay at my mother's, and she has two bathrooms - but only one with a bathtub , and it's the one wher... (read in full...)
He's called it quit 4 times! How do I cope with this?
Q. How should I deal with my partner who has called it quits for more than 4 times? How should I interpret the following said by my partner:"There are times when I don't feel like talking to anyone, including you"...
A. 21 November 2011: Like the bullshit that it is.
90% of times this kind of declaration simply means " I don't feel like talking to YOU ". Or else "I AM feeling moody or tense , but you don't count enough for me to make a little effort and act civil / explain you ... (read in full...)
Is it normal for someone 50 to ask their parent if its ok to take a bath?
Q. do you think its normal asking your parent that you will take a bath at the age of 50?someoene i know ask this question everytime want to take a bath in the night. i find it so weird? for me its wrong because personal hygiene.. why ask other people. ...
A. 21 November 2011: Still just normal and polite. She is not asking her parent's permission to WASH herself,- she is making sure that she can occupy a common ,shared space for a certain length of time without inconveniencing the person(s) she lives with. She can't be ... (read in full...)
Is it normal for someone 50 to ask their parent if its ok to take a bath?
Q. do you think its normal asking your parent that you will take a bath at the age of 50?someoene i know ask this question everytime want to take a bath in the night. i find it so weird? for me its wrong because personal hygiene.. why ask other people. ...
A. 20 November 2011: That if they have only one bathroom, it is mandatory.
And if it is night, the sound of water running / splashing may bother people who is resting / sleeping / watching TV..., so asking it's just common courtesy. It has got nothing to do with... (read in full...)
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