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... Send *indyCares a private message | | | *indyCares's profile:Hi everybody. I am an Italian woman currently living in Italy but I spent many years in England and USA. I hope my English is still decent but in case it got a little rusty, please be lenient.
My age ? Let say that I am way past the stage when you cry if the boy you like takes your best friend to the prom, and young enough to remember how awful that feels.
What qualifies me to help people- well, let me show off just a bit and mention that I studied Psychology 4 years in college, and, even if then I graduated in a different subject, I never lost my interest in psychology and kept reading a lot about this subject. Yet that does not really qualify me for anything because intellectual knowledge is not the same as real life experience. So let's say I feel I can advice people because I have lived a lot, travelled a lot, met a lot of people from all backgrounds , races and religions- I have loved a lot, and I have also been dumped a lot :)
Plus, I am really fascinated with people and their stories. Not in a gossipy way. I just find that every person is a whole new world that I am excited to discover.
Right now I am single- and happily so. I realized- better late than never - that rather than waiting for Prince Charming I should first become a Princess myself. You can't love anybody unconditionally, if first you don't love yourself unconditionally, and this is what I am learning to do.
Looking forward to hear from all of you..
Ciao
Cindy |
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| Latest articles: Devastation in Italy
This question has 2 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
26 August 2016: This has got nothing to do with romance or relationships or love- maybe with love for our fellow human beings, i.e. solidariety and compassion , so I hope that the mods will publish this regardless. On August 24th a devastating eartquak...
Ten best ways for a woman to be given her walking papers.
This question has 7 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
19 August 2014: Yeah I know : ultimately love is a mystery, not an exact science. There's always an element of sheer luck, of serendipity, of magic in it. Some times you do everything right, by the book, you are the perfect gf / wife / lover .. and you still get ...
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My b/f says that since I have been with others, he needs to have that experience too
Q. my bf and i have been together for 3 yrs now. I was with other men before we got together but i was his first. i love him very much and he says he feels the same but he wants to be with other women. he says that since i have been with other men he ...
A. 7 January 2012: OP, you are afraid you'll lose him if you say yes. But you are also afraid you'll lose him if you say no .
Since you are going to be afraid either way, at least keep your dignity and say NO. ... (read in full...)
I would prefer to see him on Sunday. Am I being mean by telling my boyfriend to get over not feeling well?
Q. hey everyone! Do I have the right to be miffed or am I in the wrong?! Any help is much appreciated!!! I'm going away on vacation Wednesday for two weeks and, thus, won't be here for the holidays. For the past two weeks, my boyfriend and I ...
A. 19 December 2011: All's well that ends well, OP. I am glad a solution materialized that made everybody happy and also gave you some food for thought so similar frictions will be bypassed in future.
A couple of comments though, if you allow me. The first abou... (read in full...)
My b/f says that since I have been with others, he needs to have that experience too
Q. my bf and i have been together for 3 yrs now. I was with other men before we got together but i was his first. i love him very much and he says he feels the same but he wants to be with other women. he says that since i have been with other men he ...
A. 19 December 2011: What he says is disrespectful- and silly.
Of course, you being a different individual from him, have lived different life- not just sexual - experiences. If he wants you to be even, then he must also get your menstrual cramps. Or the brac... (read in full...)
My b/f says that since I have been with others, he needs to have that experience too
Q. my bf and i have been together for 3 yrs now. I was with other men before we got together but i was his first. i love him very much and he says he feels the same but he wants to be with other women. he says that since i have been with other men he ...
A. 19 December 2011: What he says is disrespectful- and silly.
Of course, you being a different individual from him, have lived different life- not just sexual - experiences. If he wants you to be even, then he must also get your menstrual cramps. Or the brac... (read in full...)
I want to give this girl a present, should I make up a story or just give her the present?
Q. Hey there! I hope you can help me out. A few weeks ago I met a girl who was helping out with casting. We hit it off pretty well so before she left I asked if she'd like to hang out sometime and she said she did, so I asked for her number. ...
A. 19 December 2011: No, don't give her the bracelet. Don't give her anything except Xmas wishes. You don't even KNOW the girl, and she has been " too busy " for a simple phone call in two weeks, which per se says enough. Regardless, gift giving in this situation is ... (read in full...)
Irregular periods are making me nervous about having children in the future, what should I do?
Q. Just want some readers opinions on this. I've been tracking my menstrual cycle and in this year alone (2011), ive so far had 6 periods. Obviously this is different to the 'typical' woman who may have 1 every month or so. It's making me nervo...
A. 19 December 2011: OP, I would not leave everything to destiny or nature, and if you are so keen on starting a family I would not risk to " see how it goes " and maybe waste a lot of time in the process.
Go see an OB/GYN and make sure that everything is in prop... (read in full...)
I feel like he totally missed the boat on the whole chivarly thing.
Q. We had a big snow storm today. After work my car was frozen shut. I called my husband who drives a 4WHD truck to come pick me up. While waiting my boss poured some rubbing alcohol on the door jam and viola it opened. I called my husband but he had ...
A. 19 December 2011: Uhm, I guess it's a matter of personalities.
Personally, I'd feel irritated and unnerved by having my partner hovering behind me all the way as he was escorting a funeral. And I think he has been chivalrous enough to not chew you off when he f... (read in full...)
I would prefer to see him on Sunday. Am I being mean by telling my boyfriend to get over not feeling well?
Q. hey everyone! Do I have the right to be miffed or am I in the wrong?! Any help is much appreciated!!! I'm going away on vacation Wednesday for two weeks and, thus, won't be here for the holidays. For the past two weeks, my boyfriend and I ...
A. 19 December 2011: My opinion does not change. Your BF said he's feeling too unwell to come over on Sunday, and if you can't accept that :
- either you don't believe he is telling the truth and you suspect him of making excuses to weasel out of a previous comm... (read in full...)
MY LDR of 9 months has just cut contact and won't answer my calls... Help me please??
Q. My LDR boyfriend of 9 months has just suddenly stopped taking my calls and answering my texts. I know hes ok and still alive because there is recent activity on his facebook page. We last spoke on the phone last week and everything was fine. Now he ...
A. 18 December 2011: If he was on his last chance, then everything was not fine. There must have been other episodes denoting unrest or unease in the relationship, from either side , and probably you have read them the wrong way or underestimated them.
My theo... (read in full...)
Too scared to see a doctor. No male/female connection. no chance of being pregnant. But why no period?
Q. I really need some peace of mind in this and I have been worrying about this for too long. Basically, I've not been on me period for almost 3 months now yet there is no way I can be pregnant as I'm in a relationship with a woman. Its really bot...
A. 18 December 2011: You won't find peace of mind on Dear Cupid, because we are not health professionals and a couple of Aunts who actually are obviously would not dream to give you a diagnosis from a distance.
No, if you are not pregnant 3 months without a peri... (read in full...)
I don't feel like I'm part of his future plans. Are we meant to be together? Who knows what he's thinking?
Q. So the other night my boyfriend went out with 2 mutual friends. We'd had a spat-things I'm just trying to sort through to see where we are in this relationship. They asked him point blank, "Do you want to end the relationship?" He emphatically said...
A. 18 December 2011: It depends. How long have you been dating ? More than , say, one year ?
I have this theory and let me stress that's just MY theory, it may be disproved by anybody any time. But I feel that if you find " the one ", with whom you can see a futu... (read in full...)
I would prefer to see him on Sunday. Am I being mean by telling my boyfriend to get over not feeling well?
Q. hey everyone! Do I have the right to be miffed or am I in the wrong?! Any help is much appreciated!!! I'm going away on vacation Wednesday for two weeks and, thus, won't be here for the holidays. For the past two weeks, my boyfriend and I ...
A. 18 December 2011: Frankly I think that here if there 's a drama queen, it's not the boy.
Yes, canceling plans last minute is rude- unless there's a good reason. A flu bug is a good reason. He showed up at work because he HAD to, while hopefully one can count on h... (read in full...)
Is my wife embarassed by me? She told me "not be obnoxious" when I meet her friends.
Q. We have been married for 13 years and have been together as a couple for over 18, over half of our lives, and have multiple children together. Tomorrow, we are supposed to meet with my wife's friends, maybe some of their husbands, and one friend has ...
A. 18 December 2011: I don't think your wife is ashamed of you, I think she just want to keep the peace and harmony in social interactions and enjoy a night out with their friends without " culture clashes " coming up. Of course you are entitled to your opinions... (read in full...)
Do we have to endure this? His family treat us like kids and are often rude to us
Q. This might sound really silly but i sometimes worry about what my fiances family think of us we didnt have a very good week with them, we attended a large family meal last week and were told where we were sitting (which i was fine with, its their ...
A. 18 December 2011: I understand how this family reunion must not have been pleasant for you, and your sister in law surely does not shine for her social skills , but I feel you may be overreacting . Meaning, you already dislike this person - or,you both dislike each ... (read in full...)
I feel jealous when others find love so easily while I'm still single...
Q. I'm 24 and my cousins are all getting married and have kids. My co workers are always asking me if I've met anyone yet. I have taken a break from dating as I feel disillusioned. I got out of a really bad relationship last year. I have dated a couple ...
A. 18 December 2011: Maybe in Australia. In Europe the average age of first pregnancy is 28 or 29- and over 30 for the more industrialized countries. I don't know if this is the ideal age or not, but I assure you we all cope quite well with this "late " pregnancies, ( ... (read in full...)
Why do my parents never want me to leave home? How to become more independant and not alienate them?
Q. My family thinks we have to be married just to leave home. I don't know why, as we aren't remotely religious and not an ethnic minority. NONE of my extended family is like this at all. So why are my parents? Even the movie Failure to Launch m...
A. 18 December 2011: No, of course you are not supposed to verbally abuse your parents, and if they verbally abuse you, - they are wrong, and two wrongs don't make a right, so keep being patient and polite until you live under their roof.
Which, I hope, won't be for ... (read in full...)
My ex didn't wish me a happy birthday and it really hurts me!
Q. Why do I feel so upset about this? am I overreacting? So is my birthday today and my ex boyfriend didn't even wish me a happy birthday. He dumped me saying he didn't want a relationship. But I found out he lied and cheated on me. On ...
A. 18 December 2011: Why should he have wished you happy birthday ??
He is your EX. He does not want to stay friends. He is out of your life. The sooner you realize that ( and btw if he was a cheater it's for the best ! )the sooner you'll recover from this disa... (read in full...)
I met a guy while I was out with a guy friend, does the new guy still like me?
Q. Do you think this man still likes me ?. I saw him when i was out with another guy. I'm not dating the guy that i was out with. We have only just met, so we are friends, but i don't know if anything else will happen. This man asked if the guy i was ...
A. 18 December 2011: ...And he says too " I think the world of you "?..Man, do they have a limited choice of compliments where you live :).... (read in full...)
I met a guy while I was out with a guy friend, does the new guy still like me?
Q. Do you think this man still likes me ?. I saw him when i was out with another guy. I'm not dating the guy that i was out with. We have only just met, so we are friends, but i don't know if anything else will happen. This man asked if the guy i was ...
A. 17 December 2011: Uh-uh,OP, play fair. Tell it like it is. Do you want real, sensible advice, or do you just want to be encouraged and reassured ? Because if you want real advice you should include the relevant background info that you have omitted. The way you have ... (read in full...)
He thinks I want a boyfriend, but I just want a FWB!
Q. Hi there, I really need blunt advise on this, the last thing I want is to appear as an idiot. This year has been very difficult for me and after breaking up with my ex-bf three months ago, i do not feel like dating for a while. He broke my ...
A. 17 December 2011: He's not a precious, frail piece of porcelain, he's just some potential FWB, i.e. a guy with a dick and ( maybe ) the will to share it with you. Not such a rare good, therefore you don't need to overthink this or to handle it with to much care ... (read in full...)
Boyfriend's kiss no longer turns me on
Q. My boyfriend was out of country and we met recently after 6 months. I was really excited to meet him. When I saw him, his appearance put me off a bit. My boyfriend is not the best looking but still I love him for what he is and how he treats me. But ...
A. 17 December 2011: It sounds you have definitely cooled off toward him, or maybe the sparks weren't so many to begin with, if his fashion choices are enough to turn you off.
And note that I am rather into fashion and I like dressing nice and see well dres... (read in full...)
After an act of kindness, do you think my friend finally realizes what he lost?
Q. was at a works xmas do last night and a guy i was brilliant friends with came along our friendship ended because i discovered he had lied to me a lot and i was such a decent friend to him helping him whenever he was in need ranging from work help to ...
A. 17 December 2011: No. He has not really " lost " anything, because by the minimal effort of just being barely civil to you he can make you cough up 20 pounds, and imagine how much more he can get out of you if he bothers to turn on the charm. He knows that ... (read in full...)
Why do women like men more if they have pretty girl friends?
Q. why do women like men more if they have pretty girl friends? when i go out as just myself, i go largely unnoticed; when i take a pretty girl friend with me the other women notice me and treat me differently (more nicely)....
A. 17 December 2011: Men do exactly the same. Worse.
I used to date your typical pretty boy ( btw, in hindsight , his best quality was that... he was a very pretty boy . Which goes to show that even Aunts who pride themselves for their level of cool-headedness and ... (read in full...)
Why do women like men more if they have pretty girl friends?
Q. why do women like men more if they have pretty girl friends? when i go out as just myself, i go largely unnoticed; when i take a pretty girl friend with me the other women notice me and treat me differently (more nicely)....
A. 17 December 2011: Men do exactly the same. Worse.
I used to date your typical pretty boy ( btw, in hindsight , his best quality was that... he was a very pretty boy . Which goes to show that even Aunts who pride themselves for their level of cool-headedness and ... (read in full...)
Clueless man or just not in love?
Q. I have been reading dear cupid for a while now and you guys give some brilliant advice, so I'm hoping you can help me gain some insight on my own situation. I apologise if this is a bit of an essay, I'm trying not to leave anything important out. ...
A. 17 December 2011: You must be very much in love, and very patient- maybe too patient.
Do you realize what the whole STD caper means ,right ? That he cheated on you, could not even be smart enough to come up with a better excuse for avoiding sex , and tried absu... (read in full...)
Will my Bf perfect the act of performing oral sex on me with time, or do I need to tell him how it should be done?
Q. My boyfriend is an animal in bed...I love what we do. When we started getting intimate he told me he have never performed oral on any woman. I truly did not complain but it was kinda funny because my ex-boyfriend was an expert in oral down south ...
A. 17 December 2011: There's a ballet dancer named Roberto Bolle who is perhaps the best male classic dancer there's around nowadays. He's blessed with an unbelievable natural talent, a "je ne sais quoi " that makes critics scratch their head and say " How the heck ... (read in full...)
He cheated, I forgave him, but I don't think he'll do the same!
Q. i can't live with myself right now. im not suicidal or anything like that, i have a lot to live for. i did something HORRIBLE and i thought i could deal with keeping it as a secret but its eating at me more and more each day. Well, my boyfriend and ...
A. 17 December 2011: Don't tell him and not for the sake of being secretive, but because it's none of his business. You are broken up now, he is an ex ( and he was also when you had sex with this other guy ). As an ex he is not supposed to monitor your sex life, ... (read in full...)
Can I ruin his porn videos without visible proof?
Q. Okay so, my boyfriend has recently stopped watching porn out of respect for me. I just recently found his old porn stash of dvds and he doesn't know that I know about them. I know I'm going to get a lot of responses about how I should talk to him ...
A. 17 December 2011: I hope you are kidding. Otherwise this is one of the lamest post I have read. If you ruin his stash ( and if he does not figure out it was you to ruin it, which is improbable since you live there too, and he knows how you feel about porn- it ... (read in full...)
She wouldn't give me her phone number but someone else gave it to me. Should I call her?
Q. i met this girl at school,she is 16,while I'm 19,i asked her to be my friend,which she agreed to,but,she have refused giving me her phone number,although, i got the number from a guy she gave it,please,help me,should i call her,since she wasn't the ...
A. 17 December 2011: No, don't call her , if she has refused to give you her phone number - well, she must not want you to call her. To be honest, I would not count that much even on " being friends "- I think she's just letting you down easy , because what kind of a ... (read in full...)
He wants to have a baby with another woman, how do I stop from losing my husband?
Q. Ive been with my husband for 12years.I can not have kids.I do have 2 but not his. He really wants kids. so 5 months ago he went out and met this woman now shes pregnant. now he tells me he must leave me because she wont keep the child if he keeps ...
A. 17 December 2011: Why don't you want to lose your husband ? He is as good and as useful to you as a bad case of pneumonia !
I think you are still in shock so not able yet to understand how disgustingly selfish ,cruel and exploitative he has been and is being to y... (read in full...)
Husband and mother in law issues...
Q. I have been married to my husband since 2008. I moved in with him because him and his mom already had a house. She put the down payment and he pays the monthly morgage. His mom is 72 set in her ways and a perfectionist about the cleaniness of the ...
A. 17 December 2011: Anon reader, I commend you for your devotion to the elder in your family, but your objections make no sense. What's the bride got to do with her guests sleeping arrangements ?? The bride could not care less about where her guests will sleep, and I ... (read in full...)
Do I pick the good guy or the bad guy?
Q. help me!!!! I love two men and have no idea what to do.... one is a good guy ones a bad guy but I just dont know who to choose!...
A. 17 December 2011: As YouWish says, apparently this is a no-brainer. Between a good guy and a bad guy, why on earth should you pick the bad one, that would be just dumb. But, I think the problem is that you have the hots for the bad guy, while the good one is good... ... (read in full...)
Husband and mother in law issues...
Q. I have been married to my husband since 2008. I moved in with him because him and his mom already had a house. She put the down payment and he pays the monthly morgage. His mom is 72 set in her ways and a perfectionist about the cleaniness of the ...
A. 16 December 2011: I think you are absolutely right and this idea of all of you sharing a room is half ludicrous half just bizarre. When you are at home , I suppose you and your husband sleep in your room and your MIL sleeps in hers right ? There is no reason why ... (read in full...)
Am I being controlling, or am I just being cautious and protecting my marriage from further destruction?
Q. Hello, I need some advice and opinions. My wife and I have been married for 16 years and its been a pretty tough marriage from the beginning. We have both been faithful over the years, but not real happy. I just recently realized that I've been a v...
A. 16 December 2011: I agree with Chigirl- and btw I am a non drinker and staying out all night with a bunch of loud drunk party girls who sooner or later might be puking on their own shoes is my idea of hell on earth, so it's not like I am biased. But , your wif... (read in full...)
What happened with his family that it's all gone sideways?
Q. My boyfriends parents are very reclusive people, and we usually get along fine, but lately I am feeling like they don't like me anymore. I have been with my boyfriend for 3 years, we lived with them for a little while but now we have our own pla...
A. 16 December 2011: Sigh... unluckily money is not one of those things you can afford to be elegant and understated about, because if you do things always go sour . Better spell it out clearly even between parents and children, say I can give you up to X dollars for ... (read in full...)
Am I freaking out by thinking the worst?
Q. So I've been seeing this guy for a while. We aren't "boyfriend and girlfriend", so to speak, but we talked abut moving on to that stage. He travels a lot for work and doesn't own his own cellphone (in this day and age... I know). when we met and ...
A. 15 December 2011: He's seen your mother...but you haven't seen his . He's seen your place... but you haven't seen his. And , while there are lots of women available for casual sex, there aren't that many available for ANYTHING at all with a mystery man who can't ... (read in full...)
I'm planning on leaving my wife some day because I don't find her attractive. Does the problem lie with me or with her?
Q. Dear cupid, I have been married for more than twenty years now. I have children (two teenagers) and the youngest one is 17 now. The problem is I married my wife for ten different reasons and none of them is love. I don't like her, physically speak...
A. 4 December 2011: OP,if you are not attracted to your wife,... then you are not attracted ,you can't force physical attraction no matter how good and nice the person is. You should never have married her and you have robbed her of years and years in which she could ... (read in full...)
The big question ... What do girls think when ....
Q. What do girls think when they see a decent-looking guy with a fat, ugly girlfriend? What do they assume about him? I'm pretty sure that if a guy is seen with a hot girl, people think he must be something special. So is it the opposite if he's...
A. 4 December 2011: I think nothing special. Because I know that the decent looking guy does not SEE an ugly fat girlfriend beside himself. He sees a voluptuous rubenesque sexbomb with unique, distinctive facial traits. If he'd see her as too fat and ugly, I don't ... (read in full...)
2 hours going at it and still no magical finish
Q. hey guys. im 16 and so yesterday i was with this girl, weve known each other for a while know, and its not the first time weve gotten sexual... so anyway she invited me over to her house since her parents were out and we could do it again, btw she ...
A. 4 December 2011: I am with person12345. I think that you have trained yourself to respond to the firm grip and constant speed of your own hand and now you have problems responding to the real thing also if you are excited enough- or even a lot.
Add a tad of perf... (read in full...)
What can a person do when they love someone who doesn't love them back?
Q. What can a person do when they love someone who doesn't love them back? Specially when the one they love is just perfect. When they have tried for more than 3 years to get over it, to find one flaw in the one they love, to find anyone who would have ...
A. 4 December 2011: Mr. Perfect HAS a big ,unforgivable flaw. The biggest flaw of them all, the one that makes him loose more brownie points than all the others together :
he does not find you interesting.
You will think I am being witty , in fact I am totally ... (read in full...)
Does the ex ever wonder, 'what if?' 'How can some ex's finish the relationship so easily?
Q. I still don't understand how someone who was supposed to love you, can just up and leave you and never look back. I'm talking about relationships where everything's fine, but then one person does a 180 degree turn and leaves for no apparent reas...
A. 4 December 2011: They never do a 180 degree turn for no reason at all- unless they are mentally ill.
The truth is , that they have been inching away since a long time, and they have given out, intentionally or not, subtle or not so subtle signals that they were... (read in full...)
Why do married men lie and tell you there are separated, when they not?
Q. Why do married men lie and tell you there are separated, when they not? ...
A. 4 December 2011: Because they know that many women would not sleep with a married man. ... (read in full...)
Am I freaking out by thinking the worst?
Q. So I've been seeing this guy for a while. We aren't "boyfriend and girlfriend", so to speak, but we talked abut moving on to that stage. He travels a lot for work and doesn't own his own cellphone (in this day and age... I know). when we met and ...
A. 4 December 2011: As others have said ,you should assume first of all that he is married - engaged- living with someone . He cannot be cheating because he introduced you to his coworkers ?..Naive and optimistic, maybe he knows that his coworkers will not rat on him, ... (read in full...)
What should I do with my girlfriend who is into muscles
Q. This would sound a bit silly, but i've become to realize my gal is a MUSCLE fan. She even mentions it in a very inconsiderate way, like if we'd be talking, and i mentioned a guy's name, she's say "yeh the guy with the muscles" literately. No ...
A. 4 December 2011: While I agree that if your gf is unhappy with the way she looks she should work on her body and not on yours obviously, I think you are overreacting to the whole issue and that you must hide some insecurity- maybe just a tad :)? otherwise this ... (read in full...)
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