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... Send *indyCares a private message | | | *indyCares's profile:Hi everybody. I am an Italian woman currently living in Italy but I spent many years in England and USA. I hope my English is still decent but in case it got a little rusty, please be lenient.
My age ? Let say that I am way past the stage when you cry if the boy you like takes your best friend to the prom, and young enough to remember how awful that feels.
What qualifies me to help people- well, let me show off just a bit and mention that I studied Psychology 4 years in college, and, even if then I graduated in a different subject, I never lost my interest in psychology and kept reading a lot about this subject. Yet that does not really qualify me for anything because intellectual knowledge is not the same as real life experience. So let's say I feel I can advice people because I have lived a lot, travelled a lot, met a lot of people from all backgrounds , races and religions- I have loved a lot, and I have also been dumped a lot :)
Plus, I am really fascinated with people and their stories. Not in a gossipy way. I just find that every person is a whole new world that I am excited to discover.
Right now I am single- and happily so. I realized- better late than never - that rather than waiting for Prince Charming I should first become a Princess myself. You can't love anybody unconditionally, if first you don't love yourself unconditionally, and this is what I am learning to do.
Looking forward to hear from all of you..
Ciao
Cindy |
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| Latest articles: Devastation in Italy
This question has 2 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
26 August 2016: This has got nothing to do with romance or relationships or love- maybe with love for our fellow human beings, i.e. solidariety and compassion , so I hope that the mods will publish this regardless. On August 24th a devastating eartquak...
Ten best ways for a woman to be given her walking papers.
This question has 7 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
19 August 2014: Yeah I know : ultimately love is a mystery, not an exact science. There's always an element of sheer luck, of serendipity, of magic in it. Some times you do everything right, by the book, you are the perfect gf / wife / lover .. and you still get ...
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Should I speak up & still walk away w/ my dignity?
Q. Met him about 5mos ago thru my bro-n-law, started talking, hung out a couple weeks later and its been physical ever since. I've been open, telling him I like him, wanna get to know him better and he gave me his busy schedule excuse about 2mos ...
A. 20 January 2012: He's pegged you as booty call material.
Ignore him. ... (read in full...)
What happened? Was it is miscarriage?
Q. Hi everyone I want to know if I had a miscarige or what? Well heres what happend I had sex with my bf on april 1st and we only had half way in sex he only put his penus half way in which he camed inside me and alot! And so my period didnt come for 2 ...
A. 30 December 2011: We are not doctors and did not visit you, so we cannot know for sure, but yeah it sounds you could have had an early miscarriage.
Yami, are you the girl who needs to " get organized " aren't you ?
Well, first thing- the very first - you have to ... (read in full...)
B/f can't have children, when I asked him if I changed my mind about wanting them, he said "go find someone else"
Q. I met a guy who had a vasectomy and I didn't want kids either so we were dating for 2 years but I've asked him recently what if I change my mind and he says go find someone else. Should I go now or wait and see if my feelings change? I felt kind of ...
A. 30 December 2011: You met him as a man who had had a vasectomy, so someone who had made a very clear , precise choice of staying childless. In fact, a sort of living testimonial of his choice of not wanting children- it does not get any clearer than that.
YOU are ... (read in full...)
He's my ex. I still love him. Why does he keep me as his FWB? How do I heal myself?
Q. Hello, I will make this brief. I am a 23 year old female, who just got out of a relationship with a 22 year old male. We'll call him K. He and I had a lot happen between us that was mainly my doing, I was not ready for a relationship since I had ...
A. 30 December 2011: Exactly. He will drop you like a hot potato when he'll find someone else , and you don't want to be there when it happens. So- don't be there. Simple. Cut your losses, go NC, and don't pretend- even to yourself- that you'd like to stay "friends " ... (read in full...)
No present for Christmas and not being enthusiastic about New Year's Eve. Is this a reason to dump the guy I've been with for 3 months?
Q. No present for Christmas and not being enthusiastic about New Year's Eve. Is this a reason to dump the guy I've been with for 3 months? We were casual for the first month and a half. Then we agreed to date exclusively. He swears he wants to be w...
A. 29 December 2011: I am from Italy and we DO exchange presents at Xmas , what is he talking about ?? And everybody has a Christmas tree too. These are relatively newish traditions, particularly the tree, it only started as a mainstream thing in the 50s, before then ... (read in full...)
Am I in Middle School Again?
Q. So I met this guy about 2-3 years ago. Ever since we first met we automatically started texting each other. This has been happening on and off for the passed couple years. His and my parents are actually really close but we met each other in ...
A. 29 December 2011: And why should he stop . He got some, didn't he :it may happen again. And if it does not happen, who cares, no big deal. He is not making any heavy sustained effort to make it happen, and he is not particularly hung up about the result , or lack of ... (read in full...)
I want to know how to get my wife to change her mind
Q. My wife used to hesitantly perform fellatio. A few years ago she quit. There is no discussion. Just to bring it up pisses her off. I feel like I am worthless because she will not do this for me. I am not a kid, I am over fifty. How do I cha...
A. 29 December 2011: Aw Cerberus, not all women are so bad :) I DID have a partner who was against oral because in his culture it was a wuss thing to do which he was not used to and he was uncomfortable with, we still managed to have a good sexual connection, ... (read in full...)
He prefers to spend NYE with his mates rather than with me
Q. My question is quite a short one, and I’d love to hear lots of opinions on this – since I have been with my bf I have always felt that he likes to be with his friends and not me NYE. We tend to spend Xmas together and although last year we were ...
A. 29 December 2011: Small to medium deal according to age and circumstances.
Is he in your same age range and still NYE is not really NYE if he does not get to spend it " with the lads " being loud, acting silly and getting totally wasted ? Yes, juvenile , and wort... (read in full...)
Losing my virginity.....what do I need for my first time? How do I make sure I last long enough?
Q. Okay so when I was 16 I promised myself myself if I was 21 and still a virgin that I would lose it to someone of that year. Well here it is 6 years later and its come to the unfortunate time that I was dreading and excited for. This girl who I ...
A. 29 December 2011: Oh for Pete's sake, OP, the sacrifices you are making ? ... yes , tell us OP, we do not understand. What sacrifices are you making ?... It's just SEX. You are not being deprived of your health or livelihood or freedom, you are not being forcibly ... (read in full...)
I want to know how to get my wife to change her mind
Q. My wife used to hesitantly perform fellatio. A few years ago she quit. There is no discussion. Just to bring it up pisses her off. I feel like I am worthless because she will not do this for me. I am not a kid, I am over fifty. How do I cha...
A. 29 December 2011: If she always did it " hesitantly " it means that she tried it just to please you and to make you happy, but she never got to like it and she feels that after all this time together she should not keep doing something she dislikes just to stroke ... (read in full...)
Am I ever going to fit into his busy schedule?
Q. I've been dating my bf for about a little more than a year. I'm still in college but he's just graduated and now has a full time job, along with other extracurricular activities he's been doing for a long time. He claims we won't be able to see each ...
A. 29 December 2011: Uhm. I don't want to be all doom and gloom , but , because of personal experience , I firmly believe that when there's a will there's a way. Always. I've been in two LTRs with overachieving, extra - hardworking guys, and both times until the ... (read in full...)
Can somebody help to organize my life!
Q. Hi everybody? I need some tips to keep my life organized for example the truth is I stink,im too lazy to take showers,im too lazy to exercise,poor diet I eat nothing but junk food,im too lazy to look pretty,i have a mess in my room!i have goals that ...
A. 29 December 2011: - You may be just the average teenager... or you might be depressed. Neglecting personal hygiene and appearance is a generally a relevant symptom, if accompanied by changes in mood, sleep pattern, eating habits, etc. No ? everything is fine ?...
-... (read in full...)
What should I do? We still fight after 10 years!
Q. I have been dating a man off and on for 10 yrs. We have a 5 yr old son. we were recently apart for a yr and a half and met new people, dated others, i grew to travel and play poker, and he has stayed the same. Hanging out with bad people, drinking ...
A. 28 December 2011: I know this may sound like superficial and obvious advice but, well, a 10 years battle where nothing ever really changes is a LOST battle. Why even keeping it going. I mean, if it were a matter of seeking the cure for cancer, or the recipe for ... (read in full...)
Should I follow my religion or just enjoy being young?
Q. I go to a Roman Catholic school and In Religious Education we were discussing sex before marriage. everyone in my class was saying that they can't wait to have sex and are not waiting for marriage, but for some reason, I want to wait. I am not a ...
A. 28 December 2011: Religion is a very sensitive, personal issue and as such not the best to be discussed on DC.
I will just say that, while we cannot prove for sure that there IS a hell- this is a matter of faith- we know for sure there ARE a lot of unwanted teen... (read in full...)
My boyfriend left me after I miscarried our baby and now I am furious
Q. Hi. I posted on here a few weeks ago re my situation but things have changed. Me and my bf have always had a tricky relationship but our love seems to hold us together. I have had some mental health issues that go back a long way, back to my ...
A. 28 December 2011: " If he had lost it like that, I would not have walked away ". See, OP? That's precisely the problem, and that's why probably some us will sound like horrible, mean harpies to you : that your frame of reference is all different, and your ... (read in full...)
My grandfathers party is on the same day as my girlfriends! What should I do?
Q. I need a question answered. My girlfriend goes to church and I go with her most of the time. and they invited me to their Christmas party because of my GF. I promised my GF that I would go with her. But today I found out that my Grandfather's part...
A. 28 December 2011: Normally I am not one to encourage people to break their promises, and I feel that when you have taken a previous committment, that's it - no changes.
But, also since your gf has been so nice and understanding, this time I'll make an exce... (read in full...)
I think I made the wrong choice to go to New Zeland over wales. What should I do?
Q. Hey. This isn't a relationship question but I'd like some other opinions because I'm getting way too wrapped up in my worries. I'm a geography student and this year I have the opportunity to go 'abroad' as part of my course. My choices are Wales or...
A. 28 December 2011: Go already ! Since your parents are kindly funding the trip, all the rest you are overthinking it. Pardon me but how can you be such a wet blanket at your age ?? " Travelling to the other side of the world alone "... oh please , you'll be on a ... (read in full...)
Should I speak up & still walk away w/ my dignity?
Q. Met him about 5mos ago thru my bro-n-law, started talking, hung out a couple weeks later and its been physical ever since. I've been open, telling him I like him, wanna get to know him better and he gave me his busy schedule excuse about 2mos ...
A. 28 December 2011: You can tell him. As for him caring about what you have got to tell him, and change his behaviour accordingly... that's all anothery story.
He told you what the deal it's going to be, in fact he showed you by his actions : casual sex ,no rela... (read in full...)
I broke off temporarily from my girlfriend because she won't let me see my family
Q. After a long time of her not being willing to spend time with my friends/family, I recentley suggested to my girlfriend we should take a break from eachother so she could decide if she's willing to change that. I felt quite lousy for suggesting it, ...
A. 28 December 2011: And do you spend the same time with HER family/friends ?...
Maybe I am missing the point, but why is this even such a big issue. Not everybody is fond of big family get togethers,-especially other people's families. Maybe she has things in comm... (read in full...)
How do I make this work? He claims to hate women!
Q. Hi, i'm 22 and currently dating a guy who is about to turn 29. I have know him for two years and he has been trying to get me to go out with him, but i had a boyfriend and when i became single, questioned going out with him because he seemed too ...
A. 27 December 2011: I think you are going about this the wrong way, you are so concerned about not making him unhappy and not at all about him making YOU unhappy ?
What about you ? Are you sure you can be happy, regardless of the good times, with such a cont... (read in full...)
Can I operate to become a virgin again?
Q. Can i have my virginity back by doing an operation?...
A. 27 December 2011: I agree with the posters who say that virginity is not just a physical state so once you have lost it you don't get it back.
If your question anyway is about the possibility of having your hymen repaired/reconstructed, yes, you can, there's a s... (read in full...)
Please tell me if I should stay with my boyfriend or not. Help me!
Q. I am very confused whether to continue my 4.5 year relationship with my boyfriend. Here is our past info: we met at 17, had a crazy teenage passionate love, over the years we grew more different but only hung on to eachother because of what ...
A. 27 December 2011: He must be real good at something, maybe sex ?- Otherwise this would be such an easy choice ! a mandatory one, in fact.
Lazy bum, irresponsible, drinks and drives , pothead, eternally jobless.. and a moocher. He hates taking money from you, poor... (read in full...)
5 years and he left me for someone else. I'm so lost in my emotions!
Q. Hello all and thanks in advance for your feedback. This past September 25th i was told by my ex that he was leaving me for another female that he met at work and had just knew for a few weeks. Him and i were together over 5yrs. He told me the d...
A. 27 December 2011: Take it easy and give yourself TIME to grieve your loss ( btw,not such a big loss, if you ask me- your ex sounds like the typical d...head that wants to keep his cake and eat it too ). IF you broke up on Sept 25th- and you have been dating a new ... (read in full...)
How do I explain my love for my new Bf to my family? I am afraid they will not accept him due to his military background
Q. Hi Everyone, Things in my life were difficult for a few years. Over the last year, life took a turn for the better and I'm so much happier now. I have got a better job, moved into a home of my own with my kids and built up a circle of friend...
A. 27 December 2011: I second what Feralfox says. With a twist : I have two old relatives who were high ranking officers, got medals and all . Neither one is a power hungry , blood-thirsty monster,and one in fact is not even politically conservative, he's a leftist. ... (read in full...)
Losing my virginity.....what do I need for my first time? How do I make sure I last long enough?
Q. Okay so when I was 16 I promised myself myself if I was 21 and still a virgin that I would lose it to someone of that year. Well here it is 6 years later and its come to the unfortunate time that I was dreading and excited for. This girl who I ...
A. 27 December 2011: Wow, so you have figured out how the Universe works, and it speaks to you in "signs " language. Quite impressive.
Listen, ...it's our fault.I don't even know why we all are giving you so much attention, when the case is so simple. You are a sexu... (read in full...)
Major problems, and we've only been married three weeks!!!
Q. Am I asking for too much?? I feel like I have been through too much and we have only been married 3 weeks. She won't kiss me very often because she felt betrayed by something that happened over a year ago in which we both nearly broke up. Yet sh...
A. 26 December 2011: Op, correct me if I am wrong because I cannot be 100% sure, but some time ago ( one year ago ? two ?) there was an Australian guy living in China with a Chinese tour guide who posted several times on DC. I take it that was you, otherwise the ... (read in full...)
My family aren't supporting me during my pregnancy -- should I take up the offer from my b/f's family?
Q. i am 14 almost 15 and i'm 26 weeks pregnant with twins..i am super happy and so is my boyfriend and his family..my family on the other hand..i'm thinkin..not so much..i can see why they are upset/disappointed but right now all i need is support..i ...
A. 26 December 2011: See ? Told ya. Have you ever seen any episode of "16 and pregnant " ? Everybody is freaking out there too, and those girls are 16. You are FOURTEEN and pregnant, and there is something shocking in that, I don't mean it in a mean way, but yeah ... (read in full...)
My feelings for my ex just won't die!
Q. me and my ex were together for 2 years, he left me 2 months ago. he was a little emotionally abusive, would joke about me being fat, pregnant. i used to be somewhat anorexic took me 5 years to put on weight, from a size 8 to 12. i found these ...
A. 26 December 2011: Harder than that ? I'd say that you have tried way harder than he deserved. Drunk, high , lazy slob, verbally abusive, insensitive and self absorbed, one wonders WHY did you even try . Oh well here we say " Saint Anthony fell in love with a pig..." ... (read in full...)
How can I tell my parents that I really want to marry him?
Q. It has now been three years that I've been dating my boyfriend (the same one that my previous question was about; I'm very glad I didn't break up with him), and now I'm pretty sure I've found my future husband! :D Excitement! One problem. I have ...
A. 26 December 2011: That's just my point.
Assuming that neither you nor your bf change your minds before, - your bf still has two more years to be on his best behaviour and win over your parents' heart. In two years either he will have succeeded and your pare... (read in full...)
Why does this guy treat me so badly?
Q. Hi everyone just a question I have been wondering about I have been having sex with this man for 9 months now once maybe twice a week more when we first met he has accused me of cheating on him twice both of which times I haven't I would not cheat ...
A. 26 December 2011: My answer won't satisfy you, and yet I'll try putting in my 2 cents.
You can't MAKE him treat you better, and you don't need to.
The real question is not why does he treat you so badly, it is why do you let him. Why are you still panting after so... (read in full...)
9+ years in a long distance relationship and I can't seem to understand my boyfriend
Q. Happy Holidays to all of you and thanks in advance for taking the time to read my question. I am a bit confused and I find it so difficult to deal with my boyfriend. He is sign Cancer, very sensitive, kind, but very selfish, very demanding and al...
A. 26 December 2011: 9 years, always long distance, you have to do all the running and shoulder all the costs, and he does not even call you his gf ?...
In my hometown, when we see somebody putting lots of effort, time and devotion into some enterprise that has no ... (read in full...)
My Bf doesn't want me to wear revealing clothes in public
Q. i was on my facebook and my boyfriend and me were messaging. we just turn 1month together~! (: and well im going to see him today but i told him im going to be wearing my favorite black skinny jeans with my tight pink shirt. (have to admit the shirt ...
A. 26 December 2011: Is this the same BF that goes berserk if you hug your male best friend ?...
No, he won't get over it, quite frankly he sounds like a nutcase. It's you who need to get over him !... (read in full...)
My boyfriend's lazy, unhygienic, has cockroaches on his bed,wants to get married and live in a trailer park..I'm done with him! Is it bad if I break up with him through text?
Q. Hey. I have an issue. I've been dating my bf for a year, and I want out. The problem is, he doesn't know I feel this way... Yet. I told my friends that I wanted to break up with him and when they all got drunk at a party, they told my bf's best ...
A. 26 December 2011: Yes it's bad.And low, and rude. And it would be eventually even more painful and drawn out.
Probably he would not take you seriously,if he did not see it coming he'd think you are having PMS or you are mad at him for something. He'd call you,... (read in full...)
Everyone is telling me to walk away. Should I wait as he asked, until his health improves?
Q. I am going through a hard time at the moment with my feelings towards someone special and I don't know what to do for the best. I'm so wrapped up in the situation I can't seem to make sense of it all. To start from the beginning, I have only bee...
A. 26 December 2011: What a lovely character. Married guy- but he "made clear to you that he found you attractive " . Through Internet. I.e. : married guy trolling the net for cheap thrills and low maintenannce romance.
When it gets a bit less low maintenance- and it's... (read in full...)
Baby due 9 Jan. Which guy possibly fathered my child? Mr early April / MidApril or Mr27 April?
Q. I need serious opinions!! Now i know this is a "medical" deal, but to be quite blunt, talking to my doctor is like talking to a robot. I am pregnant, due january 9th, but, i had sex with someone around the beginning/middle of april, then someone ...
A. 26 December 2011: If your due date is Jan.9 2012, then your last period must have been on April 2nd 2011, therefore you should have conceived around April 15- 16 and not later than the 23.
This, in theory- in practice, only a DNA test will tell you for sure.... (read in full...)
I want to wear my bikini, but my Bf gets teary and upset at me doing this. Is he over-reacting?
Q. My boyfriend gets all teary and upset when I express interest in wearing a bikini. He hates the idea of someone looking at me but I'm proud of my body and sometimes I just want to show it (most of the time however I like adequate coverage...) Is ...
A. 25 December 2011: No it's not normal. He tears up because you want to wear a bikini ???... That would have been a tad strange even when bikini came out first ( 1946 !). But now, he's got 65 years to get used to bikinis and women wearing them as a normal fact of ... (read in full...)
My family aren't supporting me during my pregnancy -- should I take up the offer from my b/f's family?
Q. i am 14 almost 15 and i'm 26 weeks pregnant with twins..i am super happy and so is my boyfriend and his family..my family on the other hand..i'm thinkin..not so much..i can see why they are upset/disappointed but right now all i need is support..i ...
A. 25 December 2011: No sweetheart it does not sound like you really understand in which position you have put yourself and your family. So, no money ( or not much ) is involved YET ( we'll see later ) : Ok, good, but it's not about money.
I don't want to feel like... (read in full...)
Would it be weird to invite myself over and cook dinner for her?
Q. will it be weird to invite myself over to a chicks house to cook dinner and hang out for the second date????? i went on a first date with this chick but.. it was average so i want to spark things up by inviting myself over to herself and cook.. t...
A. 25 December 2011: Yes, but what you thought is transparent, I bet she'd be reading your thoughts and it all depends if she's on the same page, or if more probably she'd think you are being too pushy and trying to goad her into an intimate situation sooner than she ... (read in full...)
Why do guys say what they think you want to hear?
Q. why do lads whether its your best friend or your boyfriend, always tell you what they think you want to hear, like the phrase "i love you" "ive missed you". Me and my best friend have not spoken for the past five/six month. i work in a bar and he ...
A. 25 December 2011: Because, in general, it DOES work. Spend some time reading DC's posts and you'll see what I mean . " He is married but he TOLD me that soon he will leave his wife ". " He cheated on me but he TOLD me it does not mean anything ". Etc.etc. When people ... (read in full...)
We have sex a few times a week. He wants to be friends. So why does he want to keep all this secret?
Q. I met this guy who just moved here and we started talking. after one month we hooked up and had sex.i asked him if we're just friends an he replied saying obviously we are more than that...but he doesn't want people to know so I tried my best to hide...
A. 25 December 2011: He did not want people to know because he wanted to keep his options open and look single to other girls maximing his chances of more conquests.
"let's be friends " in this context does not mean absolutely anything, because you weren't frie... (read in full...)
Is it wrong of me to turn my Girlfriend on just before I have to leave? even though I know it can go no where?
Q. just a quick question. Is it wrong to get your girlfriend turned on like "about to jump you turned on" just before you leave to go back home? I still live at home with the family, I'm a student and can't seem to find a job, always seems to be someo...
A. 24 December 2011: Probably after you've left she just goes to some boy next door or down the road to have him finish what you have started. But, hey, it's all in good fun . ... (read in full...)
Slept with a close friend...How do I get him to talk to me again?
Q. My friend and I were practically the only ones still at college, due to our exam schedule. Our exam finished at 10:30am and we both planned to fly home the next morning. We spent the whole day together; we were practically the only ones around. ...
A. 24 December 2011: It's his way to tell you : don't get any weird ideas, we are just friends , that was a spur-of-the-moment kind of thing.... (read in full...)
My family aren't supporting me during my pregnancy -- should I take up the offer from my b/f's family?
Q. i am 14 almost 15 and i'm 26 weeks pregnant with twins..i am super happy and so is my boyfriend and his family..my family on the other hand..i'm thinkin..not so much..i can see why they are upset/disappointed but right now all i need is support..i ...
A. 24 December 2011: You must realize that the situation you got yourself in in at 14 is a very, very bitter morsel to swallow for any parent. They are still sort of in shock ,they are still angry and hurt. And worried sick. They WILL be happy when the twins arrive, ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend left me after I miscarried our baby and now I am furious
Q. Hi. I posted on here a few weeks ago re my situation but things have changed. Me and my bf have always had a tricky relationship but our love seems to hold us together. I have had some mental health issues that go back a long way, back to my ...
A. 23 December 2011: Yes , you should give up drinking for good. Sure, it may be that drinking is the symptom and not the disease etc. etc.- still, it is affecting very badly your social interactions and your emotional reactions and makes you handle them in a very ... (read in full...)
How can I tell my parents that I really want to marry him?
Q. It has now been three years that I've been dating my boyfriend (the same one that my previous question was about; I'm very glad I didn't break up with him), and now I'm pretty sure I've found my future husband! :D Excitement! One problem. I have ...
A. 22 December 2011: Why do you have to tell them now ? why don't you wait until you have the actual,real possibility to get engaged , and then married within a reasonably short time ?
Otherwise it will be a bit like when you were 10 and you told them you want to b... (read in full...)
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