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... Send *indyCares a private message | | | *indyCares's profile:Hi everybody. I am an Italian woman currently living in Italy but I spent many years in England and USA. I hope my English is still decent but in case it got a little rusty, please be lenient.
My age ? Let say that I am way past the stage when you cry if the boy you like takes your best friend to the prom, and young enough to remember how awful that feels.
What qualifies me to help people- well, let me show off just a bit and mention that I studied Psychology 4 years in college, and, even if then I graduated in a different subject, I never lost my interest in psychology and kept reading a lot about this subject. Yet that does not really qualify me for anything because intellectual knowledge is not the same as real life experience. So let's say I feel I can advice people because I have lived a lot, travelled a lot, met a lot of people from all backgrounds , races and religions- I have loved a lot, and I have also been dumped a lot :)
Plus, I am really fascinated with people and their stories. Not in a gossipy way. I just find that every person is a whole new world that I am excited to discover.
Right now I am single- and happily so. I realized- better late than never - that rather than waiting for Prince Charming I should first become a Princess myself. You can't love anybody unconditionally, if first you don't love yourself unconditionally, and this is what I am learning to do.
Looking forward to hear from all of you..
Ciao
Cindy |
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| Latest articles: Devastation in Italy
This question has 2 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
26 August 2016: This has got nothing to do with romance or relationships or love- maybe with love for our fellow human beings, i.e. solidariety and compassion , so I hope that the mods will publish this regardless. On August 24th a devastating eartquak...
Ten best ways for a woman to be given her walking papers.
This question has 7 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
19 August 2014: Yeah I know : ultimately love is a mystery, not an exact science. There's always an element of sheer luck, of serendipity, of magic in it. Some times you do everything right, by the book, you are the perfect gf / wife / lover .. and you still get ...
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My ex wants us to have sex but it brings back feelings! Should I do this?
Q. Dear Cupid, I recently got back in connect with my ex and we've been meeting up and things are just like they used to be when we were together. He calls us "friends" yet he has asked me to take his virginity. But what he doesn't realise ...
A. 10 January 2012: @Crabman : you must be a true romantic , an idealist and a pure at heart. I love your attitude.
It's just not very accurately representative of what really happens.
- We all still think about our " first " !- All who ??
- " If she was her firs... (read in full...)
G/f says she hit her ex. Will she hit me?
Q. I just started to date this beautiful girl. She is everything I had ever wanted and acts just like a lady. However a couple of things are concerning me, 1. Is that her ex bfs things are still in her place, yet she says they broke up 3 months ...
A. 9 January 2012: And ?... Did she use to slap him to make him cough up some cash ?..
Sorry, I don't understand how her ex's money handling fits into your present concerns.... (read in full...)
Why are people extremely against abortion?
Q. abortion is accepted in society now, its not an illegal act and a majority of people worldwide have had it. i understand that there are extreme ethical and social issues, and dont get me wrong, i dont aprove it, i would hate to kill a precious ...
A. 7 January 2012: @ Person 12345: You don't have to convince us, you have to convince the Pope.
In 1930 in his encyclical Casti Connubi Pope Pius XI officially condemned and prohibited all abortions, including therapeutic ones , as akin to murder. This position has ... (read in full...)
Why does he choke me or restrain me during sex?
Q. The guy im having sex with will start to choke me or pin me down right before im going to orgasim. if i push his hand away from my neck or move away from his hold he will stop and hold back for a bit. then it starts all over again. he wont let me ...
A. 6 January 2012: Wow . Aren't you SCARED ?...
David Carradine , I'm told, died because of erotic choking games. It was a masturbatory choking game, so he was alone ( and killed himself rather than a partner ). But it goes to show how these things may spin out of c... (read in full...)
Why are people extremely against abortion?
Q. abortion is accepted in society now, its not an illegal act and a majority of people worldwide have had it. i understand that there are extreme ethical and social issues, and dont get me wrong, i dont aprove it, i would hate to kill a precious ...
A. 6 January 2012: Because it makes perfect sense from a Catholic point of view. In the Catholic vision, life begins since the very moment sperm meets an egg and fecundates it. What from a merely scientific point of view may be an insentient conglomeration of few ... (read in full...)
My ex wants us to have sex but it brings back feelings! Should I do this?
Q. Dear Cupid, I recently got back in connect with my ex and we've been meeting up and things are just like they used to be when we were together. He calls us "friends" yet he has asked me to take his virginity. But what he doesn't realise ...
A. 6 January 2012: @Crabman : remember the OP is a girl, not a charity for horny youngsters:) What's in it for her ? She gets to show his EX the ropes and give him a self confidence boost.. so that he can move on more confidently, and without the V card, to other g... (read in full...)
What do I need to be told? What lessons do I need to learn? I have a huge Teacher crush.
Q. Hi I'm 14 years old...ever since this school year started i met my social studies teacher, and I'm heavily in love with him. I totally understand this is wrong and those of you who think so i won't listen to you so don't bother. Anyway he ...
A. 6 January 2012: So, you want us to teach you how to get this poor guy in trouble and make him loose his job and end up in jail ?...Why should we. He has done nothing bad to us. ... (read in full...)
G/f says she hit her ex. Will she hit me?
Q. I just started to date this beautiful girl. She is everything I had ever wanted and acts just like a lady. However a couple of things are concerning me, 1. Is that her ex bfs things are still in her place, yet she says they broke up 3 months ...
A. 6 January 2012: So, if on top of all the other stuff, you also fear she'd be using you for your money... with all these doubts , why would you even consider moving in ? what's your hurry ?... (read in full...)
My ex wants us to have sex but it brings back feelings! Should I do this?
Q. Dear Cupid, I recently got back in connect with my ex and we've been meeting up and things are just like they used to be when we were together. He calls us "friends" yet he has asked me to take his virginity. But what he doesn't realise ...
A. 6 January 2012: NO !
Duh.
Having sex with this guy will inevitably bring back feelings, but since you are far from sure he wants you back as gf again,... why bringing up feelings when quite possibly you'll have to push them back and move on, instead ?
Or , ... (read in full...)
In love with an older fellow colleague. How do I find out if he is available and interested in me?
Q. I am a resident doctor (1st year) as a general practitioner in Spain. I am not Spanish. In June, 1 month after starting work, my boss set up a 2 hour class on suture tecnique with a surgeon. Beside his amazing demonstrations, he happened to be very ...
A. 6 January 2012: I'd make some more enquiries about his marital status. Investigate discreetly ( it won't be that hard, hospitals are among the gossipiest places in the world :). The Nepal thing does not mean anything, voluntary work abroad is not like booking a ... (read in full...)
Are there any solutions? I cry all the time, and it just gets messy.. I don't want't to hurt any of them, I don't want to hurt either of them, nor "play games" with J
Q. I am 17.. i dont have anyone i can really talk to and i know this post is long but PLEASE read it and give me some advice.. first I'll start off with, i am going off to university next year and i know many people have told me "oh just be single a...
A. 6 January 2012: Frankly I think you just don't like to work without a net.
J is a good guy and a good bf and even a potential good husband, the only problem with him... is that you don't like him THAT much ,if you feel the need to sneak behind his back to go h... (read in full...)
Is he just hurt, or did he really care that little for me?
Q. I was present in this relationship from day one. I stepped through the door of committment and closed it behind me. He always had one foot out the door and never did anything to make me think he truly wanted this. I was there for him during some ...
A. 6 January 2012: My hackles would have been raised one word back. Not " but ". " Satisfy ".
Satisfy ? Good hotel service can satisfy you. A hooker can satisfy you . Masturbation can satisfy you.
A relationship should not be about finding someone who'll satisfy ... (read in full...)
I want to have a baby but it's not happening!
Q. So I'm 19 and me and my fiance live together..everything is perfect! I am beyond in love with this man.the problem is,I want to share more with him..I bet you're thinking "what more could she want?" this may sound crazy but I want to have his ...
A. 5 January 2012: Yeah, well, I am a bit, let's say , surprised too, because so far I've never met a 19 y.o. with a really well paid job ( but I admit that my idea , and a 19 y.o.'s idea , of what well paid means may differ ). That at your age you have a well ... (read in full...)
G/f says she hit her ex. Will she hit me?
Q. I just started to date this beautiful girl. She is everything I had ever wanted and acts just like a lady. However a couple of things are concerning me, 1. Is that her ex bfs things are still in her place, yet she says they broke up 3 months ...
A. 5 January 2012: I'd wait until you know her better and see how things pan out and if you really get along well regardless of the points that now make you hesitant. Living together is stressing per se some times, and inevitably magnifies friction points,.. and ... (read in full...)
I cooked a special dinner for my boyfriend but he spent the entire time on the phone with another girl! Am I right to be mad about this?
Q. My boyfriend of one year is from another country and talks from time to time about foods he misses that aren't common here. Thinking I would surprise him, I went out of my way to make a dish he had been reminiscing about. Since I'd never tasted it ...
A. 5 January 2012: A round of applauses to Chigirl for having underlined something important :
it seems that what bothers you is that he was calling another girl. Yes, I understand that you dislike that and it makes you suspicious, but, had he been on the phon... (read in full...)
Will my boyfriend ever grow up?
Q. I have been dating this guy for a year now. A little back story, we met at work. He was engaged and I was married and pregnant with my second child and there was no interest at the time. Long story short, his fiance cheated on him and my ex husband ...
A. 5 January 2012: Yes.
Your marriage ends because your husband loves his booze too much... and, first thing you do, you get together with another boozer and hard partyer ?...
You 've got two kids, so you're responsible toward them, not only toward yourself... (read in full...)
Boyfriend cheating with S and M mistress?
Q. My boyfriend is into S and M (bondage) He doesn't want to do it with me because he thinks I'm only doing it to please him. Our sex is not great. He complains that he cant get into it because the S and M is what turns him on the most. He is meet...
A. 5 January 2012: Because you are sexually mismatched .
Either he accepts to give up his S and M games that you are not comfortable with , or you accept to try being exposed to S and M ( slowly and gradually ) and see if you get to like it a bit ( you neve... (read in full...)
Why won't my boyfriend treat me like a princess anymore??
Q. My boyfriend and I usually talk in "baby voice" to each other, he talks that way when he is being really sweet and wants to show me affection. I admit I haven't been very nice in the past and when he would act like that I would get mad at him abou...
A. 5 January 2012: A downward spiral ?... You cry all day because your bf won't talk to you in a baby voice ? ...Amazing.
Count your blessings. You must be a very lucky girl with a lot of things going your way- if you can shed so many tears over that, it means you ... (read in full...)
Boyfriend cheating with S and M mistress?
Q. My boyfriend is into S and M (bondage) He doesn't want to do it with me because he thinks I'm only doing it to please him. Our sex is not great. He complains that he cant get into it because the S and M is what turns him on the most. He is meet...
A. 5 January 2012: Yes it is cheating. it is done with another person than you , for the purpose of getting sexual arousal first then sexual release . It is a sexual act - even in lack of a classic penis-vagina contact.... (read in full...)
We had a lot of sex but she has a B/f whom she's gone back to, and I'm scared to death of losing her
Q. I'm an 18 year old male/senior in high school. This girl I know came back home from college for winter break this last few weeks. She told me she had a boyfriend and that we couldn't let anything happen, regardless of the history we have as close ...
A. 4 January 2012: Ok, but summer is in 6 months time, what is she going to do in the meantime ? F...ing Cali guy's brains off ?
Or, did she actually mention /promise dumping him ? And ( the most difficult question :) supposing she tells you, Don't worry, my Colo... (read in full...)
I don't just want to date my b/f I want to marry him and we keep fighting about it!
Q. Hi, I'm in a pickle! I'm 27 and my boyfriend is 33. He is Egyptian Muslim and I am British Muslim revert (but I don't wear hijab or anything). We've been together for 2.5 years. The last year has been horrific!! His mum and sisters apparent...
A. 4 January 2012: Babygirllovej, technically speaking the hijab is the least of the OP's problems , in some MUSLIM countries ( Tunisia to name just one ) ) the headscarves have been legally banned from schools and public offices and strongly discouraged in ... (read in full...)
Bizzare excuses: am I just being paranoid or is he right that I have trust issues?
Q. How does a guy who has been sketchy react when you suddenly start being sketchy back? I have never played hard to get and may make it too easy when I like a guy. If we are dating and he wants to see me - I say yes at the drop of a dime. I don't li...
A. 4 January 2012: Aren't you both a bit too grown up for this kind of strategies and tacticts and games ?.
It isn't working, simple and clear. A person that is ready to commit does not " try to convince " that he's ready to commit , he just DOES.
And you shou... (read in full...)
We had a lot of sex but she has a B/f whom she's gone back to, and I'm scared to death of losing her
Q. I'm an 18 year old male/senior in high school. This girl I know came back home from college for winter break this last few weeks. She told me she had a boyfriend and that we couldn't let anything happen, regardless of the history we have as close ...
A. 4 January 2012: "Once there, it makes no logical sense etc. "
Yes - but if your interlude had really been so special to her, would logical considerations have so much weight ? I doubt it. If you are head over heels for guy A , you don't go " yes, but it's more... (read in full...)
Should I cry until I can't cry anymore and eventually will just forget about him
Q. I've been in this ldr for almost 2 years. We met on a chatline and instantly connected! Every time me tried to meet up,something would always happen on both of our ends, so although we had never seen each other we did skype and video chat and send...
A. 4 January 2012: I am for the last option, have a good cry and move on, he is NOT the one and you would have seen it, had you not been hell bent in making a square peg fit into a round hole, i.e. a real a..hole into your idea of him as a Prince Charming.
Darl... (read in full...)
Do I give him time to figure out what he wants? I've given him chance after chance to decide.
Q. My boyfriend has been terrible at making me feel secure in this relationship. I have worried the entire year that he was keeping me as his 2nd choice back-up plan. I know he has feared losing me as a friend, one who actually accepts and tolerates ...
A. 4 January 2012: If you have wept for months because of this relationship , this break should be permanent , not temporary. A relationship should make your life more enjoyable , not more miserable, otherwise what's the point.
If he exhibits odd behaviours and quir... (read in full...)
We had a lot of sex but she has a B/f whom she's gone back to, and I'm scared to death of losing her
Q. I'm an 18 year old male/senior in high school. This girl I know came back home from college for winter break this last few weeks. She told me she had a boyfriend and that we couldn't let anything happen, regardless of the history we have as close ...
A. 4 January 2012: "If she weren't leaving to go to school in California, we would have stayed together as a couple "
Or also not . Anyway, she IS going back to California, so stay with what it is. Don't do like those poor girls who write us " Well sure , he is m... (read in full...)
Do you please your partner before sex or just expect them to be ready?
Q. Some people say that men are always ready for sex and can be ready seconds if they have someone to sleep with. Now I am not saying people aren't like this but I also have a question about not so giving people when it comes to sex. What I am wand...
A. 3 January 2012: Well, that's the problem with one night stands. You ( boy or girl, it's the same ) are in it for yourself, you don't particularly care about fulfilling the other person or making him/her feel at ease or appreciated, or pleasing him / her beyond ... (read in full...)
I don't want my boyfriend to think I am crazy
Q. Okay well me and boyfriend got into a bit of a fight. He said i don't have time for him and i didn't want to tell him why i don't! i go to counselling and i have to focus on school but i'm scared to tell him about the counselling because maybe he ...
A. 3 January 2012: Tell him. Counselling is not for crazy people, it's for people who need help with some specific issue that's causing problem in their life. If your boyfriend does not know that, he is misinformed and you can set him straight.... (read in full...)
I am asking the questions about her past, and she says its none of my business
Q. I am almost 40, married, to my grade school crush, I love her, more than anything. We were found each other 2 years ago after over 20 years graduating high school, we led very different lives, and now I am having big trouble dealing with her ...
A. 3 January 2012: Let me admit I am not the best to advise about Retroactive Jealousy because ( luckily ) I had never actually met or dealt with anybody affected by RJ before joining Dear Cupid. My knee - jerk reaction would be : guys- and girls - let it go, the ... (read in full...)
He's back with his wife and I am finding it hard to cope, please help!
Q. This had been one of the hardest days of my life and i have finally realised that i meant absoloutely nothing at all to him. I have not spoken to my ex for a month, not including the text i got just over two weeks ago. My ex responded a mont...
A. 3 January 2012: You don't deserve the pain because nobody deserves pain, but you deserve learning from experience, in fact, as hard as it is seeing like this now, that was a gift you got, that if you use it properly may avoid you further and worse troubled ... (read in full...)
I want to have a baby but it's not happening!
Q. So I'm 19 and me and my fiance live together..everything is perfect! I am beyond in love with this man.the problem is,I want to share more with him..I bet you're thinking "what more could she want?" this may sound crazy but I want to have his ...
A. 3 January 2012: It does not happen because some girls get pregnant at the drop of a hat and some don't. Any doctor will tell you to start worrying and getting both thouroughly checked for infertility only after one year at least of regular unprotected sex. So, be ... (read in full...)
We had a lot of sex but she has a B/f whom she's gone back to, and I'm scared to death of losing her
Q. I'm an 18 year old male/senior in high school. This girl I know came back home from college for winter break this last few weeks. She told me she had a boyfriend and that we couldn't let anything happen, regardless of the history we have as close ...
A. 3 January 2012: Oh I see what you mean. She would not be like that with you, because you are the one whom she is REALLY in love with, and what you two had together is so much more important and so much more special than what she had with her boyfriend, and she ... (read in full...)
He didn't tell his ex he is TAKEN so she keeps texting him
Q. My boyfriend and I have been together for 6 months now and we have a great bond. I trust him fully and trully. He is very honest with me and tells me everything about him and his only ex. They have been together for 2 years and so. He thinks that ...
A. 3 January 2012: Bullshit. What kind of a " friend " is a friend who's not supposed to care about personal life ?
He'd tell her if he gets his wisdom teeth pulled out, right ? Or if he adopts a pet , or buys a new PC....And he can't tell her that he's got a new ... (read in full...)
We had a lot of sex but she has a B/f whom she's gone back to, and I'm scared to death of losing her
Q. I'm an 18 year old male/senior in high school. This girl I know came back home from college for winter break this last few weeks. She told me she had a boyfriend and that we couldn't let anything happen, regardless of the history we have as close ...
A. 3 January 2012: I'd be scared to death of keeping her. "Once a cheater always a cheater " and that kind of stuff. She told you you could not let anything like that happen, but it did for 3 weeks multiple times , so she can't use the " I just got carried away- ... (read in full...)
Am I nuts, or is it wrong of my ex wife to make me a babysitter so she can get laid in her own bed?
Q. I am worried (I guess that is the best word) that my ex-wife is shirking some of her responsibilities as primary custodian of my son. She is a great Mom, but I have been asked a few times lately to take my son and keep him out to a specific time. ...
A. 2 January 2012: And ..why asking " why " : Like, if she needs extra time to finish reading " War and Peace " then it's ok, but if she needs extra time because she is having "fun" , then is not ? I don't think it's your concern anymore what she does in her free... (read in full...)
He hurt me and I want to get back at him and make him feel like an idiot!
Q. Say a guy mislead you and you ended up losing your virginity to him which was a big deal to you. You haven't experienced those sorts of feelings over a guy before a believe them to be love when in fact it was just confusion. You carry on seeing him ...
A. 2 January 2012: OP, you have received execellent advice already and I hope it will be enough to make you stick to your resolution to adopt plan A, and move on forever to a happier furure.
I'd just like to recommend you to at least TRY owning your actions and taki... (read in full...)
I stood by this girl when no one else would but as soon as things were fine she dropped me!
Q. Dear Cupid, Recently, a new girl moved to my school and has felt very homesick and has been kind of bullied by some of the people in our class. I was the only person who stuck with her through all of this, the only person who made her feel better ...
A. 1 January 2012: You did the right thing and that's what matters. Sigh.. some times virtue has to be its own reward.
Perhaps you can talk to her and tell her you regret the distance that has been created between you and has no reason to exist ... then the ball... (read in full...)
Can someone explain why people talk so positively? I think it inappropriate and don't believe it.
Q. Why are people always telling me ,that things are going to be all right, when it is not really posible in. my case. I feel deaf ears are listening my story. And they think, I m guilty. if I don t want to believe positive ideas. False hope is not ...
A. 1 January 2012: Sure, be negative all you want. Have a misery feast. Sip from the cup of bitterness till the last dregs. Chances are you have reasons to do that, like anybody else under the sun. And technically ,you are right, we can't control all we want, we don't ... (read in full...)
Would texting him at midnight on NYE be a good move? we fell out, but he said to try things again in 2012
Q. i really like this boy and we've been meeting up, texting and stuff like that. we fell out but we are ok now, he said to try things in 2012.. seeing as its new years eve i was thinking of texting him how i felt at midnight? but i wouldnt know what ...
A. 31 December 2011: I would not text him at all. Not to act standoffish, but precisely because he said you could try again in 2012. 2012 has got 12 months, give him time. If you text him first minute of the new year, you'll look so keen that you'll scare him... (read in full...)
Is it normal to love one child more than your other?
Q. This might be a very "rough" question.. But, let's say you have 2 children. Would it be normal to love one more then the other? Or, let's say you were put in a situation where only one of your children would live, and you had to choose which one ...
A. 31 December 2011: I am the mother of an only child, so I would not know for sure.
But I think it's perfectly normal to have a favourite, or favourites, among more siblings. We are human, we can't help to have preferences , also for people, and it's normal to pref... (read in full...)
Why can't I stay angry at my ex?
Q. Dear Cupid, About a year ago I broke up with my girlfriend. We were together for about 1,5 years. The first years everything was fine, but in the last six months all of a sudden she felt the need to live the life of a single female, while ba...
A. 31 December 2011: Wow, no , that's not normal, and I suspect that you think very negative things about yourself as a romantic perspective, and your self esteem sort of must have gone AWOL even before you got together with this girl. You might be an ace at work, or a ... (read in full...)
A horrible work performance review ruined my holidays!
Q. I'm 26, recently out of grad school and I've got my first job. I perform every work task I get quickly and efficiently and I though I was doing great. I actually thought I was exceeding my boss' expectations! So when he said he was very unhappy with ...
A. 31 December 2011: And that came as a total shock because...? You finish your work early then you go on line- at work. Might as well taking out your knitting needles and start knitting a scarf for your boyfriend. And don't forget to make yourself cozy ,-take your sho... (read in full...)
I feel like a closet girlfriend. Is it time to move on?
Q. Hi I'm shy slightly overweight and I've been seeing my bf of 17 months regularly. He comes over between 1 and 3 times a week, lives just 4 miles away and we love each other. I love him because he's attentive in many ways, has a lively personali...
A. 30 December 2011: Your update says a lot. I mean, one reads your post and you sound aware, mentally and emotionally balanced, not a lovestruck teen- so one can't help wonder why you are clinging nail and teeth to this prize of a man.
Because you fear lone... (read in full...)
What happened? Was it is miscarriage?
Q. Hi everyone I want to know if I had a miscarige or what? Well heres what happend I had sex with my bf on april 1st and we only had half way in sex he only put his penus half way in which he camed inside me and alot! And so my period didnt come for 2 ...
A. 30 December 2011: We are not doctors and did not visit you, so we cannot know for sure, but yeah it sounds you could have had an early miscarriage.
Yami, are you the girl who needs to " get organized " aren't you ?
Well, first thing- the very first - you have to ... (read in full...)
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