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... Send *indyCares a private message | | | *indyCares's profile:Hi everybody. I am an Italian woman currently living in Italy but I spent many years in England and USA. I hope my English is still decent but in case it got a little rusty, please be lenient.
My age ? Let say that I am way past the stage when you cry if the boy you like takes your best friend to the prom, and young enough to remember how awful that feels.
What qualifies me to help people- well, let me show off just a bit and mention that I studied Psychology 4 years in college, and, even if then I graduated in a different subject, I never lost my interest in psychology and kept reading a lot about this subject. Yet that does not really qualify me for anything because intellectual knowledge is not the same as real life experience. So let's say I feel I can advice people because I have lived a lot, travelled a lot, met a lot of people from all backgrounds , races and religions- I have loved a lot, and I have also been dumped a lot :)
Plus, I am really fascinated with people and their stories. Not in a gossipy way. I just find that every person is a whole new world that I am excited to discover.
Right now I am single- and happily so. I realized- better late than never - that rather than waiting for Prince Charming I should first become a Princess myself. You can't love anybody unconditionally, if first you don't love yourself unconditionally, and this is what I am learning to do.
Looking forward to hear from all of you..
Ciao
Cindy |
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| Latest articles: Devastation in Italy
This question has 2 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
26 August 2016: This has got nothing to do with romance or relationships or love- maybe with love for our fellow human beings, i.e. solidariety and compassion , so I hope that the mods will publish this regardless. On August 24th a devastating eartquak...
Ten best ways for a woman to be given her walking papers.
This question has 7 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
19 August 2014: Yeah I know : ultimately love is a mystery, not an exact science. There's always an element of sheer luck, of serendipity, of magic in it. Some times you do everything right, by the book, you are the perfect gf / wife / lover .. and you still get ...
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He'd rather watch football than hang out with me and my parents
Q. So this weekend me and my family are going out and we always invite my bf. so i called him and he said that he couldn't go because he is going to be watching football that day.so i got kinda hurt that he would rather watch football then hang out ...
A. 13 January 2012: You have to feel grateful and lucky that your bf has tolerated this situation for 3 years, he must really care a lot about you. You have to feel understanding if now this starts taking a toll on him, he's only human. And you have to feel that's ... (read in full...)
Should I end it or try to win her back by fixing my insecurities and jealousy issues?
Q. I have been dating this girl for about 7 weeks, she just recently broke up with me because I kept complaining to her about her time being spent more with her friends (mostly guys) than me. It seems to me that the only time she wants to spend with me ...
A. 13 January 2012: OP, yes I think you should .
And ,pardon me, but you should be very honest with yourself and ask yourself how much of this instant love is constituted by the Tantalus effect : i.e. she has dangled the sex carrot under your nose so far ( and , BTW,... (read in full...)
Had SUCH an embarrassing moment on this date, is he now scared away?
Q. Question This was SUCH an embarrassing date, did he get scared away? Details I've been dating someone for 5 months, I'm head over heels for him. He always calls and texts, he has romanced me and we have gotten closer by the day. A couple week...
A. 12 January 2012: Curious. So, he offers you illegal substances and sends you to the emergency room because of side effects which, as a THC products user, he is - or should be- well aware of ... then YOU are the one who is embarassed, and he is the one who is ... (read in full...)
He'd rather watch football than hang out with me and my parents
Q. So this weekend me and my family are going out and we always invite my bf. so i called him and he said that he couldn't go because he is going to be watching football that day.so i got kinda hurt that he would rather watch football then hang out ...
A. 12 January 2012: Well, yes, I am afraid you are expecting way too much from a young man, you basically want him to be cool with dating your whole family and if he has lost steam due to this situation it's very understandable.
That sounds like my gran... (read in full...)
Should I end it or try to win her back by fixing my insecurities and jealousy issues?
Q. I have been dating this girl for about 7 weeks, she just recently broke up with me because I kept complaining to her about her time being spent more with her friends (mostly guys) than me. It seems to me that the only time she wants to spend with me ...
A. 12 January 2012: I suppose just move on and go on with your life. Didn't you say she just broke up with you ? So, stay broken up . She showed she does not want a committed relationship with you, plus you have the ( legitimate ) doubt that she was into you just ... (read in full...)
How do I win my crush's heart?
Q. Hello everyone! Happy new year! Or atleast I hope everyone has had one, yes? :) hope you don't mind me using faces this time So, it's my third day at a new school today annnd the first day I came I developed a new crush, again -_- Haha, li...
A. 12 January 2012: You don't smother and you don't bite , but maybe you are bit too full on for a shy guy ?...
All smiles . Boisterous ( loud too ? ) The giggles ( oh no please. Do not giggle; it tends to scare away even the bravest ).
I am not reproaching you, tha... (read in full...)
If you were chilling with a guy and he looked at your breasts for any amount of time would you not want to date him?
Q. If you were chilling with a guy and he looked at your breasts for any amount of time would you not want to date him? I wish I knew these sorts of things intuitively without having to ask people. I have been diagnosed with Asperger syndrom...
A. 11 January 2012: Because you ask for an over simplification that's hard to apply to all things human. Non verbal communication is not mathematics.
The 1. 2. 3 rule is , by and large, an excellent rule - but maybe is more of a guideline than an iron clad rule... (read in full...)
We had something but he has a girlfriend. How can we remain friends but set clear boundaries?
Q. I'm very confused. There's a guy I met who's in an long distance, long term relationship with his girlfriend. We live far away, but will live near one another in a few months time. After we first met, he pursued me heavily, despite his girl...
A. 11 January 2012: Possible, it's possible, because nothing human is really 100 % impossible if it does not defy the laws of physics. Like, sprouting wings and flying, not possible , all the rest, it may be.
You should ask if it is probable. And the answ... (read in full...)
Can't reach orgasm during sex.....
Q. Hi guys, I sort of recently started seeing someone who's made me realise that I have never been in a real relationship before. He treats me like a goddess and sometimes I can't believe I get to have someone like him. Only problem is, I've n...
A. 11 January 2012: There's nothing wrong with you , you climax within minutes from other stimulations ! The only thing that's potentially a problem is that if he takes it as his mission to get you there during intercourse, and he fails , or it and takes too long , ... (read in full...)
Should I be angry? Should I contact him?
Q. I am going through my first breakup. As far as I know we weren't having any problems in the relationship. The main reason he broke it off was because he was having some trouble at work and didn't want me to become implicated in some way with what ...
A. 11 January 2012: What I meant by " declare your own closure " is : unilaterally. On your own, in your heart, without him. You decide : OK, it did not work - time to move on . NEXT !
Of course, if you feel you can't do that , there's no law against seeking clos... (read in full...)
If you were chilling with a guy and he looked at your breasts for any amount of time would you not want to date him?
Q. If you were chilling with a guy and he looked at your breasts for any amount of time would you not want to date him? I wish I knew these sorts of things intuitively without having to ask people. I have been diagnosed with Asperger syndrom...
A. 10 January 2012: So ? Women also show their hair. Some time very long ,flowing hair . Or accurately made up faces. Or hands with accurately manicured nails.
Do you think it is OK fixing these body parts intently ? Focusing on them ? For more than seco... (read in full...)
My ex wants us to have sex but it brings back feelings! Should I do this?
Q. Dear Cupid, I recently got back in connect with my ex and we've been meeting up and things are just like they used to be when we were together. He calls us "friends" yet he has asked me to take his virginity. But what he doesn't realise ...
A. 10 January 2012: @Crabman : you must be a true romantic , an idealist and a pure at heart. I love your attitude.
It's just not very accurately representative of what really happens.
- We all still think about our " first " !- All who ??
- " If she was her firs... (read in full...)
I'm so annoyed with my mom and sister!
Q. At my school, in about a month, we will have "freshman formal" (a formal dance for only freshman). Everyone is getting dates, buying dresses, and everyone is really excited. I didn't get asked and I'm fine with it, my best friend's boyfriend is on ...
A. 10 January 2012: Because alas often moms mean well and act wrong.
I am neither stupid nor ignorant ( they would not keep me on Dear Cupid if I were ,lol ) and yet at times I screw up due to anxiety and overprotectiveness. I don't want anybody to hurt my 22 y.o.... (read in full...)
My husband, the stripper and the bouncer
Q. A few days ago, my husband came to me and told me that he had been taken advantage of by a stripper. He had gone to a strip club for lunch and a show. A stripper convinced him to go in the back room for a private dance for $20. Once there, she ...
A. 10 January 2012: How did he explain the asking for a private dance to begin with ? ...
I mean, some wives would have issues with their husbands BEING in a strip club, but never mind. Suppose he was there just to enjoy the atmosphere and the vidsual experience, why ... (read in full...)
He'd rather watch football than hang out with me and my parents
Q. So this weekend me and my family are going out and we always invite my bf. so i called him and he said that he couldn't go because he is going to be watching football that day.so i got kinda hurt that he would rather watch football then hang out ...
A. 10 January 2012: No,I think it's normal. At 18-21 who wants to hang out with is " in laws " more than strictly indispensable ? ... (read in full...)
When he is drunk he says he want to marry me, when he is sober he is more cautious
Q. My boyfriend and I have been together 2 years. He has been saying we must get married, he can't wait for me to be his wife and how wonderful our relationship is and how we must be together forever but mostly after he's had a few drinks and when he ...
A. 10 January 2012: Never take literally anything people say when they are drunk- particularly in reference to love or money or other serious stuff.
Plenty of people when they are drunk go all political and come up with ingenious and generally violent plans to over... (read in full...)
If you were chilling with a guy and he looked at your breasts for any amount of time would you not want to date him?
Q. If you were chilling with a guy and he looked at your breasts for any amount of time would you not want to date him? I wish I knew these sorts of things intuitively without having to ask people. I have been diagnosed with Asperger syndrom...
A. 10 January 2012: Sorry I see now you mention " less than staring ". Anything that draws the attention of the glanced one on your glances is staring. You don't need to avert your looks or close your eyes, that would be strange too. But when you are in conversation ... (read in full...)
If you were chilling with a guy and he looked at your breasts for any amount of time would you not want to date him?
Q. If you were chilling with a guy and he looked at your breasts for any amount of time would you not want to date him? I wish I knew these sorts of things intuitively without having to ask people. I have been diagnosed with Asperger syndrom...
A. 10 January 2012: There's not much difference between the act of staring per se and the feelings it elicits .
It is rude, ERGO it is offensive and disturbing as any unwarranted break of boundiaries.
In simpler words, yes, most women would think you're a creep or... (read in full...)
Should I be angry? Should I contact him?
Q. I am going through my first breakup. As far as I know we weren't having any problems in the relationship. The main reason he broke it off was because he was having some trouble at work and didn't want me to become implicated in some way with what ...
A. 10 January 2012: No, the main reason why people break a relationship is .. because they don't want to be in it. As simple as that.
There are people who are willing and able to keep their relationship through exceptional challenges : jail, terminal illn... (read in full...)
My ex wanted to reconcile, now she's conflicted between me and another guy. What should I do?
Q. Don't know how many people here have read my older questions but to start things off me and my ex broke up last summer after a 5 year relationship and things ended in quite an ugly fashion. Last November she contacted me via email stating that she's ...
A. 10 January 2012: Call it quits.
If they want you half- you want them none.
In true love there's no room for indecision.... (read in full...)
Fiance's family treats me terribly and his never does anything about it
Q. I'm going to keep this simple. My problems with my fiance's family are on-going. One example of these problems occurred during one of his sister's birthday parties. She decided to call me a cunt for no reason. She humiliated me in front of her ...
A. 9 January 2012: Hehe. Sort of a " Taxi Driver " thing : " Are you talking to me. Are YOU talking to me ?? ".
It's not as bad as I thought. She was DRUNK . That does not excuse her behaviour , but it explains it. Some people are affectionate drunks " I luv ya ,... (read in full...)
Should I invite my crush to my friend's party? He has a GF!
Q. Well, it's more like a small gathering at my apartment but I'm not so sure if I should invite my crush over. We work together; however, we never get to hang outside of work. I just wanna get to know him better. However, HE DOES HAVE A GF....So...
A. 9 January 2012: No no, you don't want just to get to know him better, you are up to no good :).
If you just wanted to get to know him better as a friend, you'd tell him to bring his GF along. ... (read in full...)
He wants pictures of my private bits, what should I do?
Q. I talked to this guy once on the phone, i'm not sure how old he is, he is divorced and has a daughter that lives with his ex and he sees his daughter on the weekends. we chatted a little bit and he wants me to send pictures of my breasts and my ...
A. 9 January 2012: Because he'll use them as masturbation tools. He'll watch at your pics and will have a nice wanking session...with your help.
And have no doubt about this, he has no intention whatsoever of becoming your boyfriend. Someone who wanted that, woul... (read in full...)
Fiance's family treats me terribly and his never does anything about it
Q. I'm going to keep this simple. My problems with my fiance's family are on-going. One example of these problems occurred during one of his sister's birthday parties. She decided to call me a cunt for no reason. She humiliated me in front of her ...
A. 9 January 2012: I feel that to tell you anything helpful we should know a bit more about the background.
For instance, you say that your problems with his family have been ongoing , then you say that his sister called you a c... " for no reason ". Well, not exac... (read in full...)
How do I answer his question? I don't know what he meant
Q. Hello, ok I was asked this question by a guy whoo recently got in contact and we have been messaging and he asked me this question and I was wondering if I can have some advise on what he's asking..ok the question is; are you inlove in life? Is he ...
A. 9 January 2012: Oh well. You write him back, " sorry I am not sure I understood what you meant by this question, do you mean if I am in love with somebody, or if I love my life ? " As simple as that :)
Personally - but obviously this is only a guess - I thin... (read in full...)
7 months of dating, boyfriend has no job, no income, doesn't seem to care
Q. Hello, i really would like some advice. I’ve been with my boyfriend for 7 months and the whole time he has had no income and hasn’t been studying or attempting anything really. I have two jobs, looking for another, live away from home and am a ...
A. 9 January 2012: Don't even set a date, ship out now : this is not a boyfriend, this is a bad, expensive habit. Think of breaking up as if you were quitting smoking.
This is not about money, this is about a personality/ life vision clash- I don't think anyb... (read in full...)
G/f says she hit her ex. Will she hit me?
Q. I just started to date this beautiful girl. She is everything I had ever wanted and acts just like a lady. However a couple of things are concerning me, 1. Is that her ex bfs things are still in her place, yet she says they broke up 3 months ...
A. 9 January 2012: And ?... Did she use to slap him to make him cough up some cash ?..
Sorry, I don't understand how her ex's money handling fits into your present concerns.... (read in full...)
Are men intimidated by smart women?
Q. Before i start rambling and telling the story behind my question..guess i should jump straight to it. Are men intimidated by smart women? So i'm 17, and not gettin into this whole subject, but i'm really close friends with a 35 year old that i'...
A. 8 January 2012: It depends . Smart, self confident men are not intimidated by smart women, regardless of a possible difference in income or education.
Maybe you inadvertently bring up the subject too often.
I have a dentist friend who always wants to talk abo... (read in full...)
Is it possible to profoundly hurt someone you care about?
Q. Can best friends hurt each other? Words of comfort, if you have any...? I don't really have the wisdom to answer this, but I can accept an honest answer. There is this friend that I love dearly, and he and I were like siblings, but recently...
A. 8 January 2012: Do what ? It's not that we want to be nosy , but it all depends, from the gravity of the episode which hurt you, and the previous and current circumstances.
If he does not show up at your birthday party to go see his favourite sport event, .. h... (read in full...)
Is it wrong to be having a relationship with my 19 year old relative? HIs Mom is my half sister
Q. Im asking for help im 28 years old and im having sex with my 19 year old nepheew. Is that wrong. we both love each other every much. his mother is my half sister (like it makes a diffence) and she knows and she doesn't approve of it what should i ...
A. 8 January 2012: It's incest and it's against the law in every State of the Usa. You could end up in jail- in some States, for a very long time .... (read in full...)
How can I become my husband's best friend?
Q. i have been married 14 year and the first couple of years were good but then i got insecure and snooped and as he says i was controlling him for a long time. I have been going to counseling but haven't quite been there the last couple months b...
A. 8 January 2012: I just googled Ashley Madison and seen that is a dating site for people who are already in a relationship. A cheaters dating site, basically. And since it is not free, I guess that people who join it are really motivated, they are not on the site ... (read in full...)
How can I become my husband's best friend?
Q. i have been married 14 year and the first couple of years were good but then i got insecure and snooped and as he says i was controlling him for a long time. I have been going to counseling but haven't quite been there the last couple months b...
A. 8 January 2012: I just googled Ashley Madison and seen that is a dating site for people who are already in a relationship. A cheaters dating site, basically. And since it is not free, I guess that people who join it are really motivated, they are not on the site ... (read in full...)
Are these withdrawal thoughts or should I have given him another chance?
Q. We broke up this week after just over a year together. I did a huge amount to make things work on my end. He was young, but even his closest friends saw him change positively for being with me. I blew so much out of proportion, but he also has no ...
A. 8 January 2012: I forgot home my baseball bat :) , and I don't think it was all about sex, but yes, you are glamourizing the relationship. The sooner you realize it , the sooner you'll stop crying.
Bardia, what are you talking about ? You have been posting seve... (read in full...)
Not really a relationship question, but is anyone else downright disgusted by feet?
Q. Really weird question, but I was wondering if there was anyone else out there like me. I guess you could say it is sort of a relationship question if you tilt your head sideways and squint... But I have a horrible aversion to feet. I don't wa...
A. 8 January 2012: Yes, there are people with a phobic aversion to feet. It's called podophobia.
See a psychologist if it gets to be a big problem,... or else , buy a cool pair of spike heels ( black patent leather ? red satin ? LOL ) and keep them on in bed :)... (read in full...)
Does being on a few dates mean you are together as boyfriend and girlfriend? Or am I understanding this wrong?
Q. My best friend is seeing a guy, but yet she flirts with other guys and she kissed someone on new years!? Am i being silly thinking that she's cheating and that she shouldn't be doing this... I told her, but she said that she has been seeing the ...
A. 7 January 2012: I see you belong to the classical ( let's not call it old fashioned :) European school of thought. For us ( at least so it used to be until very recent times ) "being together " kicks in since the first French kiss. Which does not mean you ... (read in full...)
Do some women also have an overblown sense of entitlement when it comes to sex?
Q. People always say that men have an overblown sense of entitlement when it comes to sex. But I think some women can be like this too. I'm not trying to be sexist. I just think there are some situations where it's always the woman who "decides" when ...
A. 7 January 2012: Overblown sense of entitlement ? strange definition.
There are surely cases where the woman has a higher sex drive than her man, or, perhaps , alas , she fancies him more, and more often, than viceversa.
But the man can always say thanks b... (read in full...)
He won't come and say goodbye to me ....
Q. Dear Cupid I am leaving in 2 days out of state for few months for my work. It would be difficult for my bf to visit me once i leave, its very expensive. So i asked him to come and visit me once before i leave, i cannot visit him right now cause ...
A. 7 January 2012: If Mohammed will not go to the mountain, then the mountain must come to Mohammed. That train travels in both directions- board it and go see your bf. He is sick, he's not fit to travel . If meeting him is so important to you- then YOU make ... (read in full...)
Breakup with ex but he's still mad when I talk to other guys
Q. I broke up with my ex and i regret it but he says he don't know what he wants but he's still in love with me. He say's he don't wanna get hurt again and his friend don't like me so he's saying he don't wanna lose a friend and he's also saying his ...
A. 7 January 2012: You assume that he is bullshitting you and does NOT want to get back with you . He can't because his friends don't like you ?? That sounds like a big fat lie- but if it's true it's even worse,then he's a total wimp and crowd pleaser, and he ... (read in full...)
Why are people extremely against abortion?
Q. abortion is accepted in society now, its not an illegal act and a majority of people worldwide have had it. i understand that there are extreme ethical and social issues, and dont get me wrong, i dont aprove it, i would hate to kill a precious ...
A. 7 January 2012: @ Person 12345: You don't have to convince us, you have to convince the Pope.
In 1930 in his encyclical Casti Connubi Pope Pius XI officially condemned and prohibited all abortions, including therapeutic ones , as akin to murder. This position has ... (read in full...)
Is my size normal for my age?
Q. i want to know if my penis size is normal im 16 and my penis is only 7 and a half inches...
A. 7 January 2012: Are you fishing for compliments ?...... (read in full...)
My b/f says that since I have been with others, he needs to have that experience too
Q. my bf and i have been together for 3 yrs now. I was with other men before we got together but i was his first. i love him very much and he says he feels the same but he wants to be with other women. he says that since i have been with other men he ...
A. 7 January 2012: OP, you are afraid you'll lose him if you say yes. But you are also afraid you'll lose him if you say no .
Since you are going to be afraid either way, at least keep your dignity and say NO. ... (read in full...)
Why does he choke me or restrain me during sex?
Q. The guy im having sex with will start to choke me or pin me down right before im going to orgasim. if i push his hand away from my neck or move away from his hold he will stop and hold back for a bit. then it starts all over again. he wont let me ...
A. 6 January 2012: Wow . Aren't you SCARED ?...
David Carradine , I'm told, died because of erotic choking games. It was a masturbatory choking game, so he was alone ( and killed himself rather than a partner ). But it goes to show how these things may spin out of c... (read in full...)
Why are people extremely against abortion?
Q. abortion is accepted in society now, its not an illegal act and a majority of people worldwide have had it. i understand that there are extreme ethical and social issues, and dont get me wrong, i dont aprove it, i would hate to kill a precious ...
A. 6 January 2012: Because it makes perfect sense from a Catholic point of view. In the Catholic vision, life begins since the very moment sperm meets an egg and fecundates it. What from a merely scientific point of view may be an insentient conglomeration of few ... (read in full...)
My ex wants us to have sex but it brings back feelings! Should I do this?
Q. Dear Cupid, I recently got back in connect with my ex and we've been meeting up and things are just like they used to be when we were together. He calls us "friends" yet he has asked me to take his virginity. But what he doesn't realise ...
A. 6 January 2012: @Crabman : remember the OP is a girl, not a charity for horny youngsters:) What's in it for her ? She gets to show his EX the ropes and give him a self confidence boost.. so that he can move on more confidently, and without the V card, to other g... (read in full...)
G/f says she hit her ex. Will she hit me?
Q. I just started to date this beautiful girl. She is everything I had ever wanted and acts just like a lady. However a couple of things are concerning me, 1. Is that her ex bfs things are still in her place, yet she says they broke up 3 months ...
A. 6 January 2012: So, if on top of all the other stuff, you also fear she'd be using you for your money... with all these doubts , why would you even consider moving in ? what's your hurry ?... (read in full...)
My ex wants us to have sex but it brings back feelings! Should I do this?
Q. Dear Cupid, I recently got back in connect with my ex and we've been meeting up and things are just like they used to be when we were together. He calls us "friends" yet he has asked me to take his virginity. But what he doesn't realise ...
A. 6 January 2012: NO !
Duh.
Having sex with this guy will inevitably bring back feelings, but since you are far from sure he wants you back as gf again,... why bringing up feelings when quite possibly you'll have to push them back and move on, instead ?
Or , ... (read in full...)
G/f says she hit her ex. Will she hit me?
Q. I just started to date this beautiful girl. She is everything I had ever wanted and acts just like a lady. However a couple of things are concerning me, 1. Is that her ex bfs things are still in her place, yet she says they broke up 3 months ...
A. 5 January 2012: I'd wait until you know her better and see how things pan out and if you really get along well regardless of the points that now make you hesitant. Living together is stressing per se some times, and inevitably magnifies friction points,.. and ... (read in full...)
My b/f says that since I have been with others, he needs to have that experience too
Q. my bf and i have been together for 3 yrs now. I was with other men before we got together but i was his first. i love him very much and he says he feels the same but he wants to be with other women. he says that since i have been with other men he ...
A. 19 December 2011: What he says is disrespectful- and silly.
Of course, you being a different individual from him, have lived different life- not just sexual - experiences. If he wants you to be even, then he must also get your menstrual cramps. Or the brac... (read in full...)
My b/f says that since I have been with others, he needs to have that experience too
Q. my bf and i have been together for 3 yrs now. I was with other men before we got together but i was his first. i love him very much and he says he feels the same but he wants to be with other women. he says that since i have been with other men he ...
A. 19 December 2011: What he says is disrespectful- and silly.
Of course, you being a different individual from him, have lived different life- not just sexual - experiences. If he wants you to be even, then he must also get your menstrual cramps. Or the brac... (read in full...)
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