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... Send *indyCares a private message | | | *indyCares's profile:Hi everybody. I am an Italian woman currently living in Italy but I spent many years in England and USA. I hope my English is still decent but in case it got a little rusty, please be lenient.
My age ? Let say that I am way past the stage when you cry if the boy you like takes your best friend to the prom, and young enough to remember how awful that feels.
What qualifies me to help people- well, let me show off just a bit and mention that I studied Psychology 4 years in college, and, even if then I graduated in a different subject, I never lost my interest in psychology and kept reading a lot about this subject. Yet that does not really qualify me for anything because intellectual knowledge is not the same as real life experience. So let's say I feel I can advice people because I have lived a lot, travelled a lot, met a lot of people from all backgrounds , races and religions- I have loved a lot, and I have also been dumped a lot :)
Plus, I am really fascinated with people and their stories. Not in a gossipy way. I just find that every person is a whole new world that I am excited to discover.
Right now I am single- and happily so. I realized- better late than never - that rather than waiting for Prince Charming I should first become a Princess myself. You can't love anybody unconditionally, if first you don't love yourself unconditionally, and this is what I am learning to do.
Looking forward to hear from all of you..
Ciao
Cindy |
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| Latest articles: Devastation in Italy
This question has 2 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
26 August 2016: This has got nothing to do with romance or relationships or love- maybe with love for our fellow human beings, i.e. solidariety and compassion , so I hope that the mods will publish this regardless. On August 24th a devastating eartquak...
Ten best ways for a woman to be given her walking papers.
This question has 7 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
19 August 2014: Yeah I know : ultimately love is a mystery, not an exact science. There's always an element of sheer luck, of serendipity, of magic in it. Some times you do everything right, by the book, you are the perfect gf / wife / lover .. and you still get ...
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Do men like romantic, tender sex
Q. i love to create a romantic atmosphere (scented candles ,rose petals ,silk sheets ,nice music ,food and wine ) making love slowly ,looking into the guy eyes ,hearing his breath and pulling him closer to me.... am i too idealistic ...
A. 20 January 2012: In moderation. I mean, most men have a tender, romantic side and will surely appreciate and enjoy the romantic atmosphere , candles an all, - on occasions.
But if every time it is the same, and every time you need such an elaborate set up , it... (read in full...)
What are girl's erect penis shape fantasies?
Q. I Always wonder what erect penis shape makes girls more horny when they look at it (upward , downward or straight) ? and why? what shape of erect penis(upward , downward or straight) do you girls imagine in your fantaces? PLEASE answ...
A. 20 January 2012: Most women do not fantasize about penises, erect or not.
A penis is something like a home made stew- it may feel great once it's inside you, but it's not so great to just look at. ... (read in full...)
Can this kind of man turn on any kind of woman?
Q. Hello women out there. Would it be true that any man within the average range of attractiveness, taking into account looks, clothing, job, education, etc, who is also totally comfortable in his own skin, has his own goals that he's heading toward ...
A. 20 January 2012: I don't think so . Individual tastes vary widely, and " an average level of attractiveness " is a vague definition that does not say much. What for you may belong to average level of attractiveness may belong to below average for me and ... (read in full...)
Should I speak up & still walk away w/ my dignity?
Q. Met him about 5mos ago thru my bro-n-law, started talking, hung out a couple weeks later and its been physical ever since. I've been open, telling him I like him, wanna get to know him better and he gave me his busy schedule excuse about 2mos ...
A. 20 January 2012: He's pegged you as booty call material.
Ignore him. ... (read in full...)
Why would someone cheat and then come up with excuses?
Q. Just out of curiosity I would like to hear other opinions on why someone would cheat on either a wife/husband or a live in BF/GF? and then come up with all kinds of excuses as to why they can't give the other person what it is they want IE; "i have ...
A. 19 January 2012: Maybe they are not happy or content, but they are comfortable and safe. Rocking the boat can imply big, often negatives changes and " drama " regarding money, status, properties, children, in laws, mutual friends, you name it. Man ( and woman ) is ... (read in full...)
Should I tell his fiance he slept with me?
Q. Two years ago I met a guy on holiday and slept with him. I was with my friends and he was with his girlfriend. Yes thats right people, his girlfriend! He befriended me and my group of friends and flirted with me from the start. Then one night, all ...
A. 19 January 2012: I think you have to be very honest with yourself about your motivations for ratting him out.
If you 'd really want to do it out of female solidariety- even if she is a stranger, you can't stand seeing another woman being duped and deceived so g... (read in full...)
Dating a single mom and I'm confused!
Q. Having been married for 6 years, I'm now in my first relationship post-divorce (which is kind of strange for me in and of itself). I recently met this amazing woman and we've been going out now for about three months. She is also divorced and has ...
A. 19 January 2012: I don't buy the " really busy " , we not talking about doing the teenager all night texting, but just of returning a phone message, as it would be only polite if one cares to maintain the friendship or relationship going. It can be a matter of ... (read in full...)
She's a keeper but what she did hurt me, should I stay?
Q. Me and my girlfriend have been together for 9 months. I'm pretty sure that's not a lot for some people. But for me this is my first long relationship. We have been best friends through it all. I really love her so much. So about a month back there ...
A. 19 January 2012: Why do you have to stop being mad ? Be mad, and stay mad. And while in general I always say that getting angry has no useful purpose , this time I think it does- it would prevent you from letting yourself be treated as a doormat.
The rule is very... (read in full...)
What he is doing is confusing to me?
Q. This is really frustrating for me; there's a guy I know and for the first time in the 3.5 months I've known him, he called me his friend (3 times) and even called his employer for me to check an interview requirement. He's 18, I'm 17, but a 20yo ...
A. 19 January 2012: Then the best thing is to adopt a " do no evil, fear no evil " attitude. Did you, in your judgement , do or say something that could be seen or misconstrued as weird - in a bad way ? Anything extreme, otrageous, over the top ? No ? ... Then ... (read in full...)
How close is too close?
Q. Hi Advice sought on how to handle a prospective 13 year old step daughter. She came to stay with us for the school holidays (nearly 5 weeks). It has been one of the most stressful times for me as she seems to have set up some kind of competit...
A. 18 January 2012: Sorry ladies, I don't want to be right at all costs, I respect your opinions, I really do, and I realize this may be vastly a cultural thing, but I have to shake my head in disbelief. "It's not the done thing " ? but it IS , that's the point. ... (read in full...)
What he is doing is confusing to me?
Q. This is really frustrating for me; there's a guy I know and for the first time in the 3.5 months I've known him, he called me his friend (3 times) and even called his employer for me to check an interview requirement. He's 18, I'm 17, but a 20yo ...
A. 18 January 2012: I would not overthink this. Weird, strange, ... unusual, curious, quirky... you must have done or said something that, in that moment, surprised him and he commented about it, chances are that now he does not even remember the episode.
How many... (read in full...)
How do I make our friendship less awkward after my recent comments on Facebook?
Q. About 3 years ago, I went off to college and knowing nobody, I was pretty bummed out a lot since I'm not really a social butterfly. Then I met one of my best friends. As soon as we talked the first time, I knew we were meant to be more than friends. ...
A. 18 January 2012: I still don't understand why most people want to delude themseves thinking that they can be friends with someone.. whom in fact they are in love with. They can't- and they lie, because is not " friendship " they want. They want the chance to CHANGE ... (read in full...)
He treats me well but my parents don't think he's wealthy enough. Should I stay?
Q. Hiya :) Hope you can help me. I will try and keep things brief! I am 31 and have had 3 relationships, only to which they have used me and treated me badly. My parents however loved one as they thought he was financially stable for me and co...
A. 18 January 2012: Is he supposed to " keep " you, and why ?
I mean, keeping you as in being the sole provider for housing, food, bills,, vacations, clothing,, medical expenses , outings etc.etc. ?
I'd say that nowadays very few men could , or would , do that . M... (read in full...)
How often does "no contact" work on the heart?
Q. We were together 15 months. We practically lived together for six months. We were good together, really understood each other, but our timing was off (he's younger and not sure of what he wants in life). I broke up with him because of his ...
A. 18 January 2012: Based on your past posts on the subject, personally I think that no, he won't come back. Also, if you had to " chase " him for a year, it shows he was not that enthusiastic to stay to begin with. But obviously I could be wrong.
Only, as Perh... (read in full...)
I dyed my hair bright red, what do you think people think, when the see my hair?
Q. Hi. I am a teenager and like most teenagers I want to express myself. I dyed my hair bright red, and when I say bright red, I mean BRIGHT red; I love it! I am usually a shy and quiet person, and listen to my mother and teachers, im not a goody tw...
A. 18 January 2012: I'd think you are trying too hard.
You want to be seen as special, unique, distinctive, nothing wrong with that, it's what all girls your age want. But with the abundance of crimson hair , pink hair, violet hair, ...platinum,silver, blue, you ... (read in full...)
How close is too close?
Q. Hi Advice sought on how to handle a prospective 13 year old step daughter. She came to stay with us for the school holidays (nearly 5 weeks). It has been one of the most stressful times for me as she seems to have set up some kind of competit...
A. 18 January 2012: I don't see anything strange in what you describe. She is ONLY 13, and she is her daugher ! They are showing each other afffection and warmth - since when 10 is the cut date for holding hands and stroking hair etc. ? Just because one hits ... (read in full...)
He wants to propose in front of everyone!
Q. So me and my boyfriend are 3 and a half years apart. he asked me if he proposed to me what would i say? (he is older) so i said of course i would say yes. and he said he can't wait till he can do it infront of everyone! im really nervous. i dont ...
A. 17 January 2012: I'd find it flattering , then again I am a big show off . Maybe you are shy .
But , are you worried about having all the attention and the eyes on you... or are you worried about becoming ( being, in fact- you already said yes ) officially enga... (read in full...)
He rings me every day but I'm getting mixed signals
Q. A guy friend of mine and I live far apart and have only met a couple of times. Initially, he was into me as a girlfriend, but I was on the fence about it (because we don't know one another very well in a physical space) and he had other issues that ...
A. 17 January 2012: Then don't. I mean, sit on the phone for 3 hours talking. He sends you mixed signals because you let him. If you don't, he will have either to contain his behaviour in the limits proper to an actual friendship, or solve his issues and turn this ... (read in full...)
Caught between two men! What do I do?
Q. ok, so this is long, and complicated, and tricky, and anything else you can think of... i've been with the most amazing, wonderful guy for 2 years on the 1st of may this year, he lives in london, and i live in the south west of uk in cornwall...
A. 17 January 2012: You haven't smelled the coffee ! Nowhere near that. You must have smelled chamomile, or poppy seed, or opium- something that put you totally to sleep.
Why would you want this shady character with his sleazy seedy ways and habits as a "fri... (read in full...)
How can I arrange another get together without coming on too strong?
Q. I've liked this guy at college for a couple of months now. He is one of the quietest people I have ever met (but *highly* intelligent and witty). Around mid-December, before going home for Christmas break, I asked him if he wanted to play chess with ...
A. 17 January 2012: Shy guys need a push but not a shove.
So sure, ask him for a rematch, but if after that he still leaves you hanging .. move on. Don't get into the habit of promoting or engineering contacts with him.
Because shy guys have the hardest time bre... (read in full...)
I just found out my partner was a prostitute
Q. Just found out that my partner was a prostitute - apparently a one off that she dreadfully regrets...I love her but am at a loss what to do now...sorry so short but I'm too upset for many details. ...
A. 17 January 2012: Oh yes. There is an end to the tests. When you declare it. Stop. The end. Game over.
All the Aunts here raise valid points and I agree that's not right to crucify a person all her life for a past mistake.
But reading your update , if I were in ... (read in full...)
Does he deserve a second chance after he lied about wearing a condom?
Q. I have been dating this guy for a couple of months. He's nice to me, although he has a bit of a problem telling the truth. He does not like wearing protection as he says he doesn't feel anything and the rubber irritates him. I finally agreed t...
A. 17 January 2012: A second chance at what ? At getting you pregnant if he did not manage to do it this time ?...
What is it, do you like to play Russian roulette ?... (read in full...)
We have strong feelings for each other but seem to wind up with others
Q. I have strong feelings for someone i met over two years ago and its clear we have strong feelings for each other. Although, we have never bee able to be together because of always having someone else and not wanting to hurt them by leaving them. He ...
A. 17 January 2012: I think you are sort of rewriting history. If your mutual feelings had been so strong and clear, you'd had been together by now. You would have cared not that much ( or not at all ) about hurting your current ( and unfulfilling ) partner ; ... (read in full...)
He rings me every day but I'm getting mixed signals
Q. A guy friend of mine and I live far apart and have only met a couple of times. Initially, he was into me as a girlfriend, but I was on the fence about it (because we don't know one another very well in a physical space) and he had other issues that ...
A. 17 January 2012: Would not the issues preventing him from being in a sexual or emotional relationship with you would be him having a wife or steady gf by any chance ?...
Anyway, if, for whatever reason these issues won't go away, I'd stop wasting my time on this... (read in full...)
Do people believe in friendships without immediate financial benefits anymore?
Q. Broke people get lonely too. And this economy ain't looking up very soon. Do people believe in friendships without immediate financial benefits anymore. I'm by no means lazy or any of that. I' a hard working type guy . Any advice please? ...
A. 16 January 2012: This is a rhetoric question, isn'it ? Of course they do. In fact, if people make friends in order to get financial benefits out of them, then they are not friends to begin with, they are just users and moochers and you are better off without them. ... (read in full...)
He's a good guy. So how much give and take is reasonable in my LDR FWB ?
Q. I just have a bit of a problem and would like some insight if possible! Thank you in advance. I have been I guess "casually dating" this guy for a couple months now. Whatever we actually are,we are not exclusive as far as I am aware. We have very...
A. 16 January 2012: I think that before deciding someone is a good guy or a nice guy, he has to prove himself consistently good and nice in a variety of occasions and situations. It's very easy to be " good " once a fortnight or so, with the help also of good sex, ... (read in full...)
How do I get a second date?
Q. I went on a first date last week, with a guy I met online. Everything seemed to go well. Now it's almost the weekend again, but he hasnt asked me out. What should I do?...
A. 16 January 2012: Yes, but... you met him on line- on a dating site perhaps ? He is probably chatting with various other girls, and going on dates with them too, and taking his time in shopping around. There's nothing to be scandalized, that's how this game works.
A... (read in full...)
My son's wedding will be a disaster!
Q. My son is 37 and marrying a 28 year old woman. My son is getting married this summer and im not happy with the way his fiancees family and friends re-acted at the engagement party 2 weeks ago because im afraid they will ruin the day of the weddi...
A. 15 January 2012: Generally I have zero tolerance for drunken shenanigans and I can see your point perfectly, yet... it's their wedding, not yours. Your son is 37 , and capable to make his own decisions. He knows his fiancee', he knows her family, he knows what ... (read in full...)
I feel guilty that I don't want a child with my wife, but I might with another woman
Q. My wife is now entering into menopause. We never had a child. We talked about it now and again, but it was never a priority for us. There was a time when she said she wanted that experience, but I didn't take her seriously because - for on...
A. 15 January 2012: I think that the thing we have to focus on is that , with your wife or with another woman, anyway you say you are lukewarm about the idea of being a father. Perhaps with another woman you'd be , or you'd have been, less lukewarm, but it does not ... (read in full...)
How do I get a second date?
Q. I went on a first date last week, with a guy I met online. Everything seemed to go well. Now it's almost the weekend again, but he hasnt asked me out. What should I do?...
A. 15 January 2012: Honey, don't overthink it , and don't take it as a personal insult.
A date is a date is a date..... not a life altering event or a once in a lifetime chance.
It can be very well that he had fun, and found you nice personable and attracti... (read in full...)
Why do guys lie?
Q. A guy asked me out, he is 6 years older than me and very attractive. We went on a first date. He said he was looking for a relationship. But when I didn't want to have sex on the first date, he laughed his head off and dumped me. Why are guys so ...
A. 15 January 2012: Yours is a very wide generalization, not all men think and act as you describe. Anyway, it's difficult and a waste of time trying to figure out what a stranger wants or expects from you, so don't. Go by what YOU want. If you want a committed ... (read in full...)
Does my ex still have feelings for me? I don't wanna end up as FWB.
Q. My ex and I recently began talking again after 2 months of no contact. We topped talking bc he got a new girlfriend. He texted my sister asking if I till hated him. And he even told her that he misses me and wants to be friends. My sister replied ...
A. 13 January 2012: I don't know about the other Aunts, but my answer was thought out , and yes I had understood that you are not being sexually intimate right now, just hanging out.
It does not change my opinion, he said he does not want to be back in a rela... (read in full...)
Bad experiences with men! Should I continue being careful and cynical?
Q. i have had several bad experiences in the past with men, and even though i am only 18 ive already had a four year relationship with someone which ended in him cheating on me several times. my heart was broken but im moving on, yet every guy i meet ...
A. 13 January 2012: OP, Cerberus's post already says it all, but I'll try to reinforce the concept with different words.
18 is veeery young, but not too young to get acquainted with the idea of personal responsibility , and co-creating your reality.
So, all the... (read in full...)
He distances himself from new friends, but I'd like to go for coffee so he can give me tips for my 1st audition. How do I go about this?
Q. I'm new to dearcupid (friend recommended it) so I'm not really sure how this works, but ok: There's a guy I know from a drama club I go to every week and it started up in September. He's auditioned for shows before and been in some, so I was hopi...
A. 13 January 2012: I would not do it. You've done your part of friendly ouvertures and he has not been very responsive. People are entitled to decide if and when they want new proper friends or not, and you should respect that . The line between being encouraging ... (read in full...)
Does my ex still have feelings for me? I don't wanna end up as FWB.
Q. My ex and I recently began talking again after 2 months of no contact. We topped talking bc he got a new girlfriend. He texted my sister asking if I till hated him. And he even told her that he misses me and wants to be friends. My sister replied ...
A. 13 January 2012: Well, if he told you not to get your hopes up ( and to back this up he renounced having sex with a willing, available, attractive girl, which must have been a considerable sacrifice for a young man !) that logically would indicate that he has ... (read in full...)
He'd rather watch football than hang out with me and my parents
Q. So this weekend me and my family are going out and we always invite my bf. so i called him and he said that he couldn't go because he is going to be watching football that day.so i got kinda hurt that he would rather watch football then hang out ...
A. 13 January 2012: You have to feel grateful and lucky that your bf has tolerated this situation for 3 years, he must really care a lot about you. You have to feel understanding if now this starts taking a toll on him, he's only human. And you have to feel that's ... (read in full...)
My FWB wants to have a baby with me!!
Q. ok so im 18 and ive been a friends with benifit with this guy but it has grown into where neither of us are with anybody else but he wont say that we are in a relationship... so now we are having trouble seeing each other because his family doesnt ...
A. 13 January 2012: That's an insane reason to have a baby, particularly if you are only FWBs.
If he is an adult he can see whom he wants and does not need his family's approval. The solution is that he grows balls and tells his family to butt out of his sex life... (read in full...)
Will men still want me when I have a child or am I damaged goods?
Q. My question is I'm 26 year old college student, I am so far working on my AA degree. I have a 4 year old child, will men still want someone like me or am I just damaged goods. ...
A. 13 January 2012: You are not damaged goods, and defining yourself this way is a lack of respect not only to yourself but to your child. Is your child a " damage " to your life ?
There are tons of single mothers around, or divorcees and widows with chil... (read in full...)
Lack of balance in my relationship....
Q. I feel as if my 3 year relationship lacks balance. I always seem to be the one helping out and my boyfriend the one needing the help or asking for the favour. I also seem to be the one that is always giving in and giving up because his requirments/...
A. 13 January 2012: I think what you fear is already happened or happening. Otherwise, you would not even be writing us about it .
I mean, if you were convinced that his requests are reasonable and legitimate, and that ARE actually more important than yours , ther... (read in full...)
Is my friend worth all the trouble and uproar she causes? Especially when she acts up or is drunk?
Q. Hi everyone. So I'm having a little trouble with my friend (lets call her X). She's 23, and she's always drunk. She always tries to start stuff with me ONLY when she's drunk, and she'll only "admit" things (like how stupid my boyfriend is, how she ...
A. 13 January 2012: And you call this a " friend " ?
Friends are people who are on your side. Of course they won't always agree with you, or with your choices, but they will tell you in a respectful way and their criticism will be constructive, not destructive.
I... (read in full...)
Should I end it or try to win her back by fixing my insecurities and jealousy issues?
Q. I have been dating this girl for about 7 weeks, she just recently broke up with me because I kept complaining to her about her time being spent more with her friends (mostly guys) than me. It seems to me that the only time she wants to spend with me ...
A. 13 January 2012: OP, yes I think you should .
And ,pardon me, but you should be very honest with yourself and ask yourself how much of this instant love is constituted by the Tantalus effect : i.e. she has dangled the sex carrot under your nose so far ( and , BTW,... (read in full...)
He'd rather watch football than hang out with me and my parents
Q. So this weekend me and my family are going out and we always invite my bf. so i called him and he said that he couldn't go because he is going to be watching football that day.so i got kinda hurt that he would rather watch football then hang out ...
A. 12 January 2012: Well, yes, I am afraid you are expecting way too much from a young man, you basically want him to be cool with dating your whole family and if he has lost steam due to this situation it's very understandable.
That sounds like my gran... (read in full...)
Should I end it or try to win her back by fixing my insecurities and jealousy issues?
Q. I have been dating this girl for about 7 weeks, she just recently broke up with me because I kept complaining to her about her time being spent more with her friends (mostly guys) than me. It seems to me that the only time she wants to spend with me ...
A. 12 January 2012: I suppose just move on and go on with your life. Didn't you say she just broke up with you ? So, stay broken up . She showed she does not want a committed relationship with you, plus you have the ( legitimate ) doubt that she was into you just ... (read in full...)
He'd rather watch football than hang out with me and my parents
Q. So this weekend me and my family are going out and we always invite my bf. so i called him and he said that he couldn't go because he is going to be watching football that day.so i got kinda hurt that he would rather watch football then hang out ...
A. 10 January 2012: No,I think it's normal. At 18-21 who wants to hang out with is " in laws " more than strictly indispensable ? ... (read in full...)
Should I speak up & still walk away w/ my dignity?
Q. Met him about 5mos ago thru my bro-n-law, started talking, hung out a couple weeks later and its been physical ever since. I've been open, telling him I like him, wanna get to know him better and he gave me his busy schedule excuse about 2mos ...
A. 28 December 2011: You can tell him. As for him caring about what you have got to tell him, and change his behaviour accordingly... that's all anothery story.
He told you what the deal it's going to be, in fact he showed you by his actions : casual sex ,no rela... (read in full...)
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