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... Send *indyCares a private message | | | *indyCares's profile:Hi everybody. I am an Italian woman currently living in Italy but I spent many years in England and USA. I hope my English is still decent but in case it got a little rusty, please be lenient.
My age ? Let say that I am way past the stage when you cry if the boy you like takes your best friend to the prom, and young enough to remember how awful that feels.
What qualifies me to help people- well, let me show off just a bit and mention that I studied Psychology 4 years in college, and, even if then I graduated in a different subject, I never lost my interest in psychology and kept reading a lot about this subject. Yet that does not really qualify me for anything because intellectual knowledge is not the same as real life experience. So let's say I feel I can advice people because I have lived a lot, travelled a lot, met a lot of people from all backgrounds , races and religions- I have loved a lot, and I have also been dumped a lot :)
Plus, I am really fascinated with people and their stories. Not in a gossipy way. I just find that every person is a whole new world that I am excited to discover.
Right now I am single- and happily so. I realized- better late than never - that rather than waiting for Prince Charming I should first become a Princess myself. You can't love anybody unconditionally, if first you don't love yourself unconditionally, and this is what I am learning to do.
Looking forward to hear from all of you..
Ciao
Cindy |
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| Latest articles: Devastation in Italy
This question has 2 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
26 August 2016: This has got nothing to do with romance or relationships or love- maybe with love for our fellow human beings, i.e. solidariety and compassion , so I hope that the mods will publish this regardless. On August 24th a devastating eartquak...
Ten best ways for a woman to be given her walking papers.
This question has 7 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
19 August 2014: Yeah I know : ultimately love is a mystery, not an exact science. There's always an element of sheer luck, of serendipity, of magic in it. Some times you do everything right, by the book, you are the perfect gf / wife / lover .. and you still get ...
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Why on earth would my partner keep a bottle of 'Dick Lick' from a previous liaison. Eugghhh!
Q. I have struggled with trust with my new partner for some time. We managed to put to bed the things that were troubling me (and they were NOT small I can tell you). All has been good but I have now discovered two more things that are making me ...
A. 10 February 2012: Not to be brutal, but there are other more intimate things than a chemical sbstance, which she used on her ex lover , i.e. her mouth and her vagina, and now you are using them too. How come that does not make you equally uncomfortable ?... (read in full...)
Why on earth would my partner keep a bottle of 'Dick Lick' from a previous liaison. Eugghhh!
Q. I have struggled with trust with my new partner for some time. We managed to put to bed the things that were troubling me (and they were NOT small I can tell you). All has been good but I have now discovered two more things that are making me ...
A. 10 February 2012: I think we had already answered your question, she did not throw them away because it did not cross her mind, and it did not cross her mind because it was not really supposed to.
People do not necessarily throw away everything even remotely conc... (read in full...)
When I asked my FWB partner not to have sex with her disgusting ex because I don't want to end up contracting a disease, she thought I was accusing her. Did I do the right thing?
Q. So I had a fwb thing with going on with someone and she said how much she hated her ex and what not and her ex did act like a complete dick. He even at one point seemed to be bragging to her how he's having sex with so many women and doing meth (I ...
A. 10 February 2012: Good. Then you can simply abstain from having sex with her. She still has no obligations to limit or modify HER sex life for an FWB.... (read in full...)
I'm married and she has a boyfriend but I cannot ignore my attraction to her, how do I ask her out?
Q. There is a new lady in office. She is 38 and I am 26. She is really very cute and hot at the same time...rare combination but yes she is. I have been wondering how to ask her out and what subjects could I talk to her on to attract her towards me. ...
A. 10 February 2012: What makes you so sure that a 38 y.o. woman with a boyfriend would be interested with a dalliance with a 26 y.o. married guy ?...
She'd probably just laugh in your face and make you the office laughingstock.. Or get mad and have her bf teach you ... (read in full...)
Bad boys seem to be more popular with the girls than someone like me, will my time ever come? Is this situation uncommon?
Q. I'm 19 and I've never had a girlfriend put simply. This isn't to say I'm still a virgin; sex and relationships are two quite different things as far as I'm concerned. I suppose you could consider me a late bloomer, I didn't really develop a vested ...
A. 10 February 2012: I guess it's all relative, to me it sounds that, if you have started pursuing the ladies, with some measure of success too, at just 17 !, that's far from being a late bloomer, au contraire it's an early start !
You are only 19, what's your rush... (read in full...)
I am in love with my ex. Ex who broke my heart now wants to be friends. What do I do?
Q. I'm in love with my ex. We broke up 5 Months ago after 8 months together and he did it by text after I caught him online cheating and told him to get out of my apartment. He answered that with a "have a good life. Move on" text and would t answ...
A. 10 February 2012: But does he want to be your bf as he was before ( cheating and disrespecting you ), or NOW he is ready for the real relationship that you want ?
And if he said so,... how did he prove, or is going to prove that , to you ?.. ( you can't just take... (read in full...)
When I asked my FWB partner not to have sex with her disgusting ex because I don't want to end up contracting a disease, she thought I was accusing her. Did I do the right thing?
Q. So I had a fwb thing with going on with someone and she said how much she hated her ex and what not and her ex did act like a complete dick. He even at one point seemed to be bragging to her how he's having sex with so many women and doing meth (I ...
A. 10 February 2012: No. Way out of line for an FWB only. You can ( should, actually ) use condoms- or else, just having sex with someone safer.... (read in full...)
Could I be the father of my wife's baby?
Q. me and my wife didnt see each other since december 2011 and last january 2012 i went to her place and we got sex and now feb 2012 she was saying that she's 7 weeks pregnant.. can you please tell me if i am the father of that child on her womb?...
A. 9 February 2012: Doctors start counting from the first day of the last menstrual period, so 7 weeks means actually she got pregnant around 5 weeks ago, give or take one or two days. Did yo have sex with her at that time ? ... (read in full...)
Is making love different from other sex?
Q. Tonight I met my lover, who is a married woman. We have been together 2.5 years. I am not married and she has told me in the past that she does not plan to leave her husband. She seemed very eager to see me. She gave me a very thorough and nau...
A. 9 February 2012: Cerberus said it already and I am just reinforcing his opinion : only time will tell.
You make love when you are in love- and this goes beyond what's happening in the bedroom.
I think lots of people equates shows of tenderness and affectio... (read in full...)
Au naturale...
Q. I read in a newspaper recently that a lot of women are beginning to stay 'natural' i.e no shaving their arm pits, etc, I am wondering what readers of 'dearcupid.org think about that suggestion....
A. 9 February 2012: I think that, in the debate " natural " vs. " cultural " we tend to forget that " cultural " has occasionaly came up with some pretty good ideas. And shaving armpits and shaving ,or trimming very close , pubic hair is one of these. Hair traps ... (read in full...)
Why on earth would my partner keep a bottle of 'Dick Lick' from a previous liaison. Eugghhh!
Q. I have struggled with trust with my new partner for some time. We managed to put to bed the things that were troubling me (and they were NOT small I can tell you). All has been good but I have now discovered two more things that are making me ...
A. 9 February 2012: Call me dumb, but I don't get the commotion about the lube. She did not throw it away because it was not finished. And the condoms because they had not expired. Same as she might have not thrown away a tube of toothpaste that she might have ... (read in full...)
What can I tell my best friend to get her to realize how strong me feelings are for her?
Q. A couple of weeks ago, I told one of my best friends that I like her. It was kinda awkward and I had no confidence when I told her. Before this all happened, I used to think about her a lot. But now, she's all I think about. From the moment I met ...
A. 9 February 2012: But you already told her you like her, so she knows already does not she ?
As for your second question, I guess that to give you an answer, which would still be a guess, but at least a vaguely informed guess ,.. we should know how she reacted when... (read in full...)
I found my boyfriend's logged in on multiple sex sites but he swears it wasnt him, just a hacker using his details. Is that even possible?
Q. ok so here it goes, last year i found something on my bf laptop by accident he was sitting next to me and i asked wat it was,i logged into it coz his face was strange and it brought me to a profile with all his details on a fuck buddie site, logged ...
A. 9 February 2012: I think you'll keep believing what you want to believe, but I agree with Miamine. If he had been really hacked he'd be concerned about his bank account and would have told the police, not his mom.
And , pardon me, bt the " that's so not him " ar... (read in full...)
Is he just talking her up because he's in jail or is he marrying her for conjugal benefits?
Q. Okay so my ex and I broke up about 8 months ago since then he got a new girlfriend and they have been dating for 8 months now she 17 and he's 21. Everytime I see her all she does is brag about him infront of me and try's gives me attitude and supp...
A. 9 February 2012: May I ask ,and why do you even care ? Maybe I am not being politically correct, but : with so many free guys around ( free both in the sense of single and in the sense of not locked up ), why do waste your time with someone who's in jail AND soon ... (read in full...)
Am I doing the right thing in giving Jake the silent treatment to make him man up and come talk to me?
Q. Okay, so this is kind of a long story (sorry in advance!) I am good friends with my roommate's boyfriend and his two roommates ( the two households hang out together a lot). One of them (let's call him Jake) and I started talking. My roommate had ...
A. 9 February 2012: This seems to be one more confirmation of what may be a cliche' but I strongly believe to be true : when people tell you that they are not ready for a relationship, or not in a good place for a reationship blah blah, it just means they don't want a ... (read in full...)
Why cant he be honest with me?
Q. Why cant he be honest??? Been seeing this guy for 15 month and I am coming to a major cross road, I am fed up. I feel I am getting nothing out of the relationship. He has been on several dating and sex sites off and on and when I address him abou...
A. 8 February 2012: Convenience, security and reliability. He can do what he wants , and he just need to feed you some unconvincing half baked BS to keep you around just in case. It's like having a cabinet with basic kitchen staples and going to the restaurant any ... (read in full...)
Based on my personality what animal could I use to best describe me for this job question?
Q. Lol. I've been asked an unusual question on an application form, and i'm not sure how to answer it. I'm applying for a job in a Pet Shop, and the question is to describe yourself as a pet, what would you would be and why!. I guess i need to think ...
A. 8 February 2012: Oh no, you are totally a dog . A Beagle , to be precise. Or maybe a Labrador. ... (read in full...)
On a scale of 1 to 10, where 1=not important and 10=most important, how important should sexual attraction be in a relationship?
Q. OK Aunts, here is something that has been troubling me. How important should sexual attraction be in a relationship? The reason I ask is because sometimes I think sex and sexual attraction is a distraction and sort of leads us down the wrong ...
A. 8 February 2012: I'd say at least a 7 .
What you say makes a lot of sense, and it's how things SHOULD be,unluckily it's not how it goes. Becase if your pheromones or whatyoucallem don't call out to the other person and viceversa... if you don't feel you want to t... (read in full...)
I'm bisexual, and if my mom gets to know she's going to kick me out!
Q. My problem is that i'm bisexual, i haven't told her about me and my mom thinks that it's wrong. And yes, i know tht its wrong.. but i've dated 3 girls and more guys thn 7. Should i tell her? she might kick me out or tell my whole family and my aunt ...
A. 8 February 2012: OP, your flag says Malaysia and if you are really from there, unluckily you already know what you should do : keep your mouth shut and watch your step - be careful.
Malaysia is one of the most homophobic countries in the world and there homo... (read in full...)
My mum is being so immature and inconsiderate towards my dad now they have separated, how do I get her to stop?
Q. My mum and dad separated over a year ago. Now my mum's trying to get revenge on him by putting flirty lovey dovey statuses on her fb. It's making me and my brother irritated. I want to tell her to grow up and leave my dad alone. I'm sick and ...
A. 8 February 2012: MYOB. Your mother is an adult , is separated, and does not need an 18 y.o. censor to breathe down her neck. So she's flirting and you don't like it. I bet there are tons of think you do she does not like and she puts up with you. What about having ... (read in full...)
Is he shy and only rings me when he has a few drinks for courage?
Q. Hi I need your help I met this guy back in September 2011 and I really do like him and we only got together in November 2011 but my problem with him is that I only ever hear from him when he is out with his friends and having afew drinks this is ...
A. 8 February 2012: Yes you are .
He gets drunk, gets horny, and calls you at the end of the night. Shyness has got nothing to do with it.
You told him that his behaviour bothers you and you don't want him to act like that, not only he continues to do it, but also... (read in full...)
Why does my boyfriend like to choke me? How "rough" is normal?
Q. Hey there, So my guy and I have been together for two months or so now, and things seem pretty great. We see each other about once or twice a week, and usually we go out to dinner or to a movie. We have moved very fast emotionally and sexually...
A. 8 February 2012: Define " normal " . This is called a paraphilia , how normal paraphilias are ? Normal as :he does not need to be mentally disturbed or socially deviant to enjoy that- it's surely normal.
Normal as, oh sure, everybody does it, it happens all the... (read in full...)
Do I text him ?
Q. I'm recently single so have been going out with the girls as par. i met a guy on a night out took a while but he came up to me told me i was outstanding. came back to mine then day after his is manically texting me asking me to meet up again. w...
A. 8 February 2012: Do you WHAT ...do you text him ?... Aw come on, show some pride.
The guy used you and discarded you , stood you up,snubbed you in public and acted in general as a conceited dick. Ok, these thing happen , out of loneliness and inexperience, what... (read in full...)
I lied about my age and now I'm afraid I might get caught in my lie
Q. Ok so I kinda have a problem. So I have been talking to this guy i met on the Internet for a while now and we want to meet up. He lives I a different state then I do but we are having our parents talk about maybe having me go to him, or him come to ...
A. 8 February 2012: Tell him. It's only one year difference, no big deal. A little white lie, he'll forgive you.
And then, when you'll hit 40 you'll tell everybody that you are only 39, this will even it out:)... (read in full...)
Why are his responses getting shorter? Is he into me or not?
Q. I had what appears to be a nice guy message me on a dating site. He initiated the contact, so that's a plus in my book. We've each replied once a day for a few days. I'm keeping it light and trying to ask him questions to get more info out of him. ...
A. 8 February 2012: Probably he's checking out all the options and in touch with several other women ( hey it's a dating site we are talking about ).
If he were totally uninterested ,yes, he'd tell you " sorry I am afraid this is not going to work " or maybe woul... (read in full...)
He's eager to get me pregnant, but not walk me down the aisle?
Q. My boyfriend and I have been together for a year and a half. We're both divorced. I'm in my early 30's and he's in his early 40's. At the top of our relationship, I thought we were both on the same page of finding someone again to commit to and get ...
A. 8 February 2012: We can debate pro or against marriage until we are all blue in our face, or find out 100 reasons why a man should or should not marry before having children, it does not change that the OP only wants to have children from her legally wedded ... (read in full...)
A guy online sends me raunchy messages. Should I stop talking to him?
Q. Ok so i met this guy in a Chatroom and he seems really nice but he's 21 and I'm 16 he texts me kind of raunchy stuff like where he wants to have sex with me but I told him I'm a virgin and he lives in NY and Im in Ohio he says he wants to hook up ...
A. 8 February 2012: Oh great. A sleazebag stranger trolling the net for sex calls you honey and sweetie , and you are gonna give him your virginity.
I wonder what you'd give him if he calls you " love " or " beautiful " !?
Nowadays nobody is SO clueless even at ... (read in full...)
The guy I like is 2 years younger to me. Can it work?
Q. Ok so I am a 24 year old female and I really like a guy friend of mine. I want to pursue a relationship with him. The problem is that he is only 22. Most people have told me that I'm a ridiculous for even worrying about an age difference that ...
A. 7 February 2012: A stigma attached to a TWO years age difference ? What stigma ? what age difference ? ! Unless you live in Dogpatch, or the Ookefenokie Swamp ( for those who don't cath the reference : too bad for you- go brush up your classic comic strips ).
M... (read in full...)
How do I deal with him saying things about me behind my back?
Q. This guy and I are just friends but he is acting kind of immature. I Don't like him like that but for some reason he thinks I like him as more. He is saying things about me to his friends behind my back. He is several years younger than me, so No I ...
A. 7 February 2012: Just ignore him. If he is " several years younger than you " he must be still a CHILD !, and confronting a child or giving any importance to what he says it would be like shooting at flies with a cannon. ... (read in full...)
Dealing with a break up..
Q. My girlfriend broke up with me yesterday. I'm not looking for advice just maybe a forum to chat and cope. I will explain briefly what has happened: A few weeks ago I asked to take a break, my gf got really mad at me on her birthday. I was sick...
A. 7 February 2012: You broke up 4 times in 7 months ??. At your age ??... That's not how adults carry on their relationships ! Pat yourself on your back for the lucky escape. When there's all this drama, and back and forth- it usually means there's a lot of sexual ... (read in full...)
Why did he start flirting with me when he is married? Is there a possibility they are seperated but still living together for financial reasons?
Q. Dear Cupid, I started having a crush on one of these guys at my work. We dont really work together since we work for two different companies but the grocery store houses the company i work for so we're not exactly co workers. Anyways... I sta...
A. 7 February 2012: Laugh in his face. Then tell him to get lost.
Is there a possibility that they are still living together but just for financial reasons ? Yeah right.
Well, tbh , there is a possibility, because everything is possible except becoming immortal... (read in full...)
Surprise 50th birthday party and his wife didn't invite his Mother, how to deal with her!
Q. Hi Guys I have a situation which isn't about a relationship, it's more a family situation and I was just hoping you guys might be able to help me. My brother just turned 50 years old, and his wife put on a surprise birthday party for him, and she...
A. 6 February 2012: I would not interfere. Her house, her rules- her guest list.
Besides, your brother is not a kid but a grown up man and he does not need a paladin of justice to felp him defend his mom's rightss if he thinks they have been infringed. He must have... (read in full...)
Is it a good idea to send a ''thanks (not) for the memories," to my ex, or should I just leave it alone?
Q. I want to let my ex know that Im finally happy thanks to him. We were together for 4 years but messing around for 5 1/2. He cheated the whole time but I loved him so much I stayed. I finally came to my senses and left even after I left I still went...
A. 6 February 2012: Bad idea and waste of time. Why do you need to get some sort of reaction out of your ex ? Maybe you aren't as totally over him as you think, if you 'd get pleasure from pissing him off. If you were totally irrevocably over him,you would not even ... (read in full...)
Why aren't men ever content with just one woman, on dating sites?
Q. Dating sites are very adventurous but I think once you have dated a guy and he wants to see you again, its only manners to wait until the next time.In meeting someone old fashioned style, if you meet someone and wanted to meet them again, would it ...
A. 6 February 2012: OP, my PERSONAL view is that, should I be looking for a serious, permanent, substantial relationship.... I would not touch dating sites with a ten feet pole :). Nonetheless, yes, the general or prevailing orientation ,most particularly on dating ... (read in full...)
Why does he think going on dating sites is "nothing"?
Q. I have officially broke up with my bf of 4 years a few months ago but the feelings are still there and we still love each other a lot. We broke up because the future for us would be very tough together. I also found out that he's been on dating w...
A. 5 February 2012: Oh he does not think " it's nothing ". He thinks- he knows- is something. He wants YOU to think it's nothing, or he wants you to think he thinks it's nothing :).
In simpler worlds, he knows he did wrong, but by acting so casual and " what's the ... (read in full...)
Should I move my daughter away from her dad to be with the new guy? Or stay single?
Q. So Im sort of in a dilemma. I recently moved out to live with my mom. I was living with my ex of 4 years. The problem is, I love to hang out with him. Even though we arent together he is like my true homie, my true friend. Anyways, when I'm alone I ...
A. 5 February 2012: No no no, this is insane.
Look, I surely don't condemn you for being young, highly sexual and addicted to fine Hispanic men. But, you are a mom, you have a 3 y.o. child.
Did you really consider moving her away not only from her dad, but also... (read in full...)
My girlfriend is going through chemo, and suddenly we're more like just friends!
Q. Ok .. complicated, but serious question. Just 5 months into a new relationship (which was going very, very well) my girlfriend was diagnosed with breast cancer. Through surgery .. then 4 months of chemo, she is now cancer free .. yet doing 6 weeks ...
A. 5 February 2012: I feel I have to add something.
I do realize how tough all this is also for you , not only for her, because I know how hard it is to be watching powerless when a loved one is suffering .
Yet... you sound rather clueless. Not selfish in a mea... (read in full...)
Why aren't men ever content with just one woman, on dating sites?
Q. Dating sites are very adventurous but I think once you have dated a guy and he wants to see you again, its only manners to wait until the next time.In meeting someone old fashioned style, if you meet someone and wanted to meet them again, would it ...
A. 5 February 2012: Agreed, this is purely a debate and nobody is accusing anybody else.
In this spirit , I would like to underline :
- how innnocent, in the sense of " unaware" or " uninformed " are these messed around parties once thay have caught the drift an... (read in full...)
Why aren't men ever content with just one woman, on dating sites?
Q. Dating sites are very adventurous but I think once you have dated a guy and he wants to see you again, its only manners to wait until the next time.In meeting someone old fashioned style, if you meet someone and wanted to meet them again, would it ...
A. 5 February 2012: If you want to meet someone old - fashioned style, then you don't go on dating sites. There's nothing wrong with your ideas, just it is not how dating sites work, and the fact that you are miffed/ surprised shows you haven't grasped the mechanism ... (read in full...)
How do I ask my boyfriend what his future plans are with me?
Q. So Im wondering how I ask my boyfriend if we are working towards having a future together or if this all we are goin to do. I don't want to feel like I do all the things I do for him like cleaning his place all the time when there is no future f...
A. 5 February 2012: See?, that's the mistake. Doing something to get something.
Cook and clean for him if YOU want to do it because it makes YOU happy (btw, cooking and cleaning for a guy you are only dating, and met just few months ago ?? That surely woud not make... (read in full...)
I regret being so shallow about a guy's height
Q. I turned down an opportunity to be with a guy who was committed and a good person. The main reason I walked away because of his height. He is 5 ft. I am the same height and petite. All I can think about is the life we could have had together. Bu...
A. 5 February 2012: Oscar Wilde said " it is only shallow people who does not judge by appearances ".
This is a witticism, but it contains a core of truth.
We are made of body, mind and spirit, and the right person is someone who resonates with us at ALL thes... (read in full...)
My girlfriend is going through chemo, and suddenly we're more like just friends!
Q. Ok .. complicated, but serious question. Just 5 months into a new relationship (which was going very, very well) my girlfriend was diagnosed with breast cancer. Through surgery .. then 4 months of chemo, she is now cancer free .. yet doing 6 weeks ...
A. 4 February 2012: She is a cancer PATIENT ( sorry but at this time she can't be called cancer-free ) undergoing radiation- just after a cycle of chemo, and artificially induced menopause... and you are pouting because she does not give you enough in terms of ... (read in full...)
How will it impact on a relationship if the man is a year or two younger than the woman?
Q. hey please help there is this guy i like a lot and he likes me and i know he is about to ask me if we should start a relationship but am afraid he is younger than me he is 19yrs old,am 20yrs old what do i do? he hasn't told me his age yet but am a...
A. 4 February 2012: One year is nothing , it should not be an issue. But, as another poster said, it would surely work better if you were 30 and he 29, or even you 25 and he 24. Why ? Because at 19, a lot depends from his personal level of maturity. Some guys at ... (read in full...)
Am I unreasonable to ask my partner to be responsible for half the bills? Am I being used?
Q. My partner has taken on financial responisbilities without communicating her intention to do so with me. These have stretched her resources so far that she never has any money. The result is that, although she does not ask me to assist her in paying ...
A. 4 February 2012: What would it happen if you actually would tell her to get a job ? ( since , if she is serious about paying you back , that's what what she shoud do anyway . Otherwise, how does she plan to pay you back ? By winning the Lottery ? Inheriting ?... ... (read in full...)
I am in love with my ex. Ex who broke my heart now wants to be friends. What do I do?
Q. I'm in love with my ex. We broke up 5 Months ago after 8 months together and he did it by text after I caught him online cheating and told him to get out of my apartment. He answered that with a "have a good life. Move on" text and would t answ...
A. 21 January 2012: If you want to be with him, you have to accept that it will be at his terms and conditions. No relationship, no committment, no monogamy. Not EXACTLY what you want, is it ? Better avoiding more heartbreak..
As for being " friends " - pfui. I alwa... (read in full...)
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