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... Send *indyCares a private message | | | *indyCares's profile:Hi everybody. I am an Italian woman currently living in Italy but I spent many years in England and USA. I hope my English is still decent but in case it got a little rusty, please be lenient.
My age ? Let say that I am way past the stage when you cry if the boy you like takes your best friend to the prom, and young enough to remember how awful that feels.
What qualifies me to help people- well, let me show off just a bit and mention that I studied Psychology 4 years in college, and, even if then I graduated in a different subject, I never lost my interest in psychology and kept reading a lot about this subject. Yet that does not really qualify me for anything because intellectual knowledge is not the same as real life experience. So let's say I feel I can advice people because I have lived a lot, travelled a lot, met a lot of people from all backgrounds , races and religions- I have loved a lot, and I have also been dumped a lot :)
Plus, I am really fascinated with people and their stories. Not in a gossipy way. I just find that every person is a whole new world that I am excited to discover.
Right now I am single- and happily so. I realized- better late than never - that rather than waiting for Prince Charming I should first become a Princess myself. You can't love anybody unconditionally, if first you don't love yourself unconditionally, and this is what I am learning to do.
Looking forward to hear from all of you..
Ciao
Cindy |
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| Latest articles: Devastation in Italy
This question has 2 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
26 August 2016: This has got nothing to do with romance or relationships or love- maybe with love for our fellow human beings, i.e. solidariety and compassion , so I hope that the mods will publish this regardless. On August 24th a devastating eartquak...
Ten best ways for a woman to be given her walking papers.
This question has 7 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
19 August 2014: Yeah I know : ultimately love is a mystery, not an exact science. There's always an element of sheer luck, of serendipity, of magic in it. Some times you do everything right, by the book, you are the perfect gf / wife / lover .. and you still get ...
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How can I stop my father controlling me when I'm 18 and an only child?
Q. Hi. So simply as im going to put it... I'm 18. An only child still live at home Have a controlling father who yeah, you could say...im scared of... So, my father thinks he has the right to control me, given I still live at home... He...
A. 15 February 2012: His house his rules,- I think when he temporarily takes away what's technically yours he is still within his rights, - since he is not stealing objects from you ,( you get them back ) he is temporarily limiting your access to certain commodities ... (read in full...)
He says he doesn't find me sexually attractive. But I still love him so much. What should I do?
Q. I am 13 years older than my boyfriend we have been togeather for 6 months, he moved in with me in December of last year and we barley have sex, he said he has no desire, blaming it on himself like he has sexual problems, the times we have done it ...
A. 15 February 2012: My best wishes, but personally I think it's hard to " work on " physical attraction, it's something in large, part irrational and biochemical, either it is there or it is not. How do you train yourself to be sexually attracted to someone , if ... (read in full...)
How can I give my boyfriend pleasure without actually having sex?
Q. can someone tell me how I can make more pleasure my boy without sex?we don't have sex I am virgin. in my country it is not normal before merriag have sex.but my bf want this and i can not please help me and tell me can I make more pleasure without ...
A. 15 February 2012: No. Not at all. You are doing what HE wants to do.
You just said it . " He is always pressuring me for sex but I don't want this ".
This is not about being stupid ( although yes, since YOU called yourself that,....at least in this particul... (read in full...)
How can I give my boyfriend pleasure without actually having sex?
Q. can someone tell me how I can make more pleasure my boy without sex?we don't have sex I am virgin. in my country it is not normal before merriag have sex.but my bf want this and i can not please help me and tell me can I make more pleasure without ...
A. 15 February 2012: No. Not at all. You are doing what HE wants to do.
You just said it . " He is always pressuring me for sex but I don't want this ".
This is not about being stupid ( although yes, since YOU called yourself that,....at least in this particul... (read in full...)
Why does he get an erection every time we kiss? He says it's not usual for him
Q. What does it mean when the guy I'm dating, who is 29 and I'm 19, gets and erection every time we kiss? And he says this has only happened to him once before in his past long term relationship....
A. 13 February 2012: It means he is flattering you. To make you feel unique.
Or, it means I must be a hell of a good kisser, because that is the standard , normal response I'have always got from a passionate kiss. Nothing to write home about, as far as I know- at leas... (read in full...)
How can I give my boyfriend pleasure without actually having sex?
Q. can someone tell me how I can make more pleasure my boy without sex?we don't have sex I am virgin. in my country it is not normal before merriag have sex.but my bf want this and i can not please help me and tell me can I make more pleasure without ...
A. 13 February 2012: Wait a minute wait a minute. You say that in your country it's not normal having sex before marriage, i.e. they put a high value on virginity- and while I personally think this is stupid, hey I'am not the one who has to live and get married there, ... (read in full...)
Should I contact my ex, who hurt me or wait for him to contact me?
Q. I'm curious if any men out there ever wished they could get their ex back after leaving them for someone else and then a yr. or so later realized you had made a huge mistake or the one you hooked up with ended up dumping you? Were you too much of ...
A. 13 February 2012: Oh no. Don't call him.
He is the one who broke up, so he is the one that ,if he wants you back ,should come forward. And he KNOWS it.
So if he does not do it, it's because he can't be arsed, regardless of what his sister says or what he may have... (read in full...)
What's up with this attraction to a historical figure?
Q. Is it possible to be in love with someone who has been dead 67 years? I have recently seen a picture of someone who died at the age of 18 during the holocaust and ive found myself pining for him. i cant seem to let him go. what is this?...
A. 13 February 2012: At least yours was a real person. When I was 13, I would fall in love with people in books. Mr. Darcy from Pride and Prejudice. Or Archie Goodwin, Nero Wolfe's assistant ( well, I still think now that Archie is very sexy : ).
Some things , peop... (read in full...)
Old flame, old rumours ...
Q. I have reacently been in contact with a guy I knew from late high school, we had been messaging one another on and off for about 6 months. We had said we would meet and catch up. Then I get a message from him that said he had heard a rumour about me ...
A. 13 February 2012: You don't have to convince him of anything ! First , whom you sleep or don't sleep with is none of his business at the current stage of MEETING FOR COFFEE, he's rude for just bringing this up. Second, don't tell me you don't see anything wrong in ... (read in full...)
He says he doesn't find me sexually attractive. But I still love him so much. What should I do?
Q. I am 13 years older than my boyfriend we have been togeather for 6 months, he moved in with me in December of last year and we barley have sex, he said he has no desire, blaming it on himself like he has sexual problems, the times we have done it ...
A. 13 February 2012: Maybe it's good that certain things are hard to forget, because they should not be forgotten and swept under the rug quickly, they beget questions.
For instance, if he is not physically attracted to older women,knowing that , WHY exactly did he t... (read in full...)
He says he doesn't find me sexually attractive. But I still love him so much. What should I do?
Q. I am 13 years older than my boyfriend we have been togeather for 6 months, he moved in with me in December of last year and we barley have sex, he said he has no desire, blaming it on himself like he has sexual problems, the times we have done it ...
A. 13 February 2012: Maybe it's good that certain things are hard to forget, because they should not be forgotten and swept under the rug quickly, they beget questions.
For instance, if he is not physically attracted to older women,knowing that , WHY exactly did he t... (read in full...)
Is it a good idea to spend $5 at the school cafeteria to send an anonymous gift to my crush?
Q. There's this thing going on at my school where if you have a crush on someone, you could spend five dollars at the cafeteria to send them an anonymous gift. I'm thinking about doing this for the guy I have a crush on but I'm not so sure, I mean ...
A. 13 February 2012: Only if you are brave, totally self confident, and/or there's a very good chance he likes you back.
These secrets don't stay secrets for long time in a school. Sooner or later he'd find out who's the sender .
If he were an older guy, I think ... (read in full...)
Am I being scammed?
Q. I need some advice or guidance with this problem.. I will explain the situation and why I feel worried now I met a Turkish man on Facebook (he is 37 and I am 35)and we have been talking for about 1 year 2 months. The conversations is...
A. 13 February 2012: Then think how even worse you would feel once this guy and his accomplice ( it sounds like they are "working " in pair ) have cleaned you out of all your money and belongings and let you stranded somewhere maybe in the middle of Anatolia to make ... (read in full...)
How can I stop my father controlling me when I'm 18 and an only child?
Q. Hi. So simply as im going to put it... I'm 18. An only child still live at home Have a controlling father who yeah, you could say...im scared of... So, my father thinks he has the right to control me, given I still live at home... He...
A. 12 February 2012: I am sorry that you have to be scared of your potentially abusive father, I imagine that makes things more difficult and maybe sorts out a nice " heart to heart ".
But yeah, begrudgingly but I must say that if you live at home, yes, you are boun... (read in full...)
Partner lied to me about having an eleven year old child. Is this a red flag?
Q. My partner lied to me about having a child from a previous relationship. I knew he had two other childrend but I didn't know he had had another child who would be eleven years old now. I knew my partner had a relationship with the child's mother ...
A. 12 February 2012: I know DNA tests are expensive, and so it is paying 18 years of child support for a child that - he says,- is not even his....
Two and two simply do not make four here.
I feel for you, I understand you are in a tough predicament because ... (read in full...)
Why did he regret kissing me? Why is he behaving in this manner?
Q. Hello:) I've got a few questions, but first, here's a quick overview. Basically i'm almost 16 and i had my first kiss last weekend. It was at a party but the guy and i had been talking for about 3 hours, during which time i had tested...
A. 12 February 2012: Well, not necessarily, I mean yes, he must have " kissed and told " his friends , unless some of them were at the party too and saw you.
But, from here to think that he said : I kissed a mong ( horrible, offensive, demeaning word, btw- not to y... (read in full...)
Should I give him a present for Valentine's Day?
Q. There's this guy called M whom I just met recently for the first time, introduced to me by a close female friend of mine called C. About a week later, I went out with C. C said that M told her that he likes me. Before she told me that I coul...
A. 12 February 2012: I'd skip it. M is not a friend, it's a guy you only met ONCE. It does not mean that it cannot escalate to more and maybe next year he'll still be your Valentine, but a gift right now, it feels like coming on too strong ,IMO.... (read in full...)
Why did he regret kissing me? Why is he behaving in this manner?
Q. Hello:) I've got a few questions, but first, here's a quick overview. Basically i'm almost 16 and i had my first kiss last weekend. It was at a party but the guy and i had been talking for about 3 hours, during which time i had tested...
A. 12 February 2012: I don't have the situation that clear.
So , it was a " frape ", meaning is FB account got hacked, right ?
Ok, quite possible, but then what did he say about the comment per se ? " Never mind, my friends are obnoxious jerks, obviously I do not... (read in full...)
Partner lied to me about having an eleven year old child. Is this a red flag?
Q. My partner lied to me about having a child from a previous relationship. I knew he had two other childrend but I didn't know he had had another child who would be eleven years old now. I knew my partner had a relationship with the child's mother ...
A. 12 February 2012: Red flag ? It's a crimson flag !
how can he have "forgotten " to tell you he had a child already ...just because it happened 11 years ago ? I had my child TWENTYTWO years ago , it never occurred to me to introduce myself as a childess woman , th... (read in full...)
I am against drinking but b/f has started to drink! How do I deal with this?
Q. I was wondering, how much action i should take or not take with my boyfriend and alcohol. hear me out. I was raised in a very religious home, i have never even SEEN alcohol outside of TV/ads/in the store. In highschool, I never was around t...
A. 12 February 2012: You Wish is right , I drink very very moderately myself, and I dislike being around people who drinks too much, or even drinks regularly or frequently, but all I can, - and I want ! - to do about it is.. staying away from bars , I am not going to ... (read in full...)
My sister-in-law is a cougar and I think it's unwise
Q. My sister-in-law is a 43 year old single mom to an autistic son. He is now 15 years old. Now that he is getting older she is getting back into the dating scene. She has been divorced for more than 10 years now. Good for her, I think. The p...
A. 12 February 2012: Yes, perhaps is better if you step back. She is 43, she has the right to make her own choices, and her own mistakes . If the cougar thing does not work for her , she'll need to learn it the hard way,- before that, anything you say would fall on ... (read in full...)
Virgin question: So should I be the one to expect more out of a woman who is experienced?
Q. Its becoming more and more apparent everyday that im going to be the only one where I live who is still a virgin. Day by day the chances for me to find a woman who has the same values as me is dwindling. It would be a real bonus I found someone who ...
A. 12 February 2012: Don't feel bad. It happens , and quite often. A simple case of stage fright :). Maybe you weren't ready yet.
Don't feel that you MUST perform for whatever reason ( you are home alone only that night and you must catch that chance, you have deci... (read in full...)
Why do so many people seem okay with such a mindset?
Q. I read it and hear it all the time: "He/She can look all they want, can flirt all they want, etc., but in the end it's me they come home to." What is this?! It seems that we've lowered our standards SO much that we accept this BS aISA "relatio...
A. 11 February 2012: I guess it's like you say, you are still recovering from your run in with a bad apple. You are still hurt and this makes you wary and distrustful. Give yourself time- and don't freak out. While surely these are bad times for apples, and there are ... (read in full...)
He's sexually experienced while I'm still a virgin by choice. Can we work out a compromise for our relationship?
Q. I have been seeing a guy for several months now, and we have come to really care about each other a great deal. We are almost inseparable. We have spent weeks at a time together, and still missed each other when parting ways. There has only...
A. 11 February 2012: I guess it depends from the strength and seriousness of the spiritual motivations preventing you from having sex.
Maybe I am wrong, but it sounds like they aren't so strong after all, it sounds that if you could be 101 percent sure you won't get ... (read in full...)
Virgin question: So should I be the one to expect more out of a woman who is experienced?
Q. Its becoming more and more apparent everyday that im going to be the only one where I live who is still a virgin. Day by day the chances for me to find a woman who has the same values as me is dwindling. It would be a real bonus I found someone who ...
A. 11 February 2012: Yes, she'll probably take control, and she'll know what to do better than you do. Not out of responsibility or obligation, just because that's the way these things go, it's more about .. sharing sexual knowledge, let's say.
That STILL does not ... (read in full...)
Is our relationship worth salvaging?
Q. My girlfriend and I got in a fight about a month ago. Things haven't been working too well for about 6 weeks prior, so I told her I wanted to take a break. She asked me why, I said that the relationship was hurting me and I needed some space. S...
A. 11 February 2012: No , sorry, dear OP, but I won't have it. I can't let this concept pass : it's not ME hurting you,- it was not me refusing to take you to the hospital when you were sick !, had it been me , and you had asked MY help, I would have taken you, even ... (read in full...)
Cheating boyfriend's passport expired 3 years ago! Should I call immigration on him?
Q. What kind of a person does this? this guy is seriously sick!!? I loved my ex bf so much.. I thought we were in love.. He was so sweet.. Told me he loved me everyday.. He never gave my a reason to doubt him. Everything was great. We had g...
A. 11 February 2012: If he's going back permanently in May, that takes the wind off the sails of your revenge . In fact, if you manage to get him deported , ... you may actually be doing him a favour and saving him the ticket fare for going home :)
The best reve... (read in full...)
'Free Spirit?' Or did he mislead me? Should I wipe him from my life?
Q. M led me on for approximately 9 months. It started off as a normal friendship, however it quickly became intense with the knowledge of his life partner passing away a couple of years ago. For reasons unbeknown to me, he chose to get close to me ...
A. 11 February 2012: It depends. If he has made you many promises that he has not lived up to, then yes, he has intentionally misled you and used you, it would seem clear cut.
But, you also talk of " signals " and "potential", and that makes it slightly diff... (read in full...)
Virgin question: So should I be the one to expect more out of a woman who is experienced?
Q. Its becoming more and more apparent everyday that im going to be the only one where I live who is still a virgin. Day by day the chances for me to find a woman who has the same values as me is dwindling. It would be a real bonus I found someone who ...
A. 11 February 2012: Obviously not.
Sex is not a matter of mechanics, insert piece A into piece B at the speed of X, repeat Y times and an uniform perfect result will be produced every time, there are a lot of variables, mostly of psychological nature.
For i... (read in full...)
What can I do to avoid or discourage this teacher's creepy actions?
Q. There is this teacher in my school who is new this year. I do not have him as my teacher so I don't understand why he constantly tries to talk to me all the time especially in the hallways. Half the time he ends up walking into school around the ...
A. 11 February 2012: So far you haven't indicated anything creepy, the guy is just being polite, holding doors and saying Hi ,Jane etc.
The fact that you arrive at school at the same time "half of the times " is not strange at all,-unless you suspect him of lurk... (read in full...)
What can I do to avoid or discourage this teacher's creepy actions?
Q. There is this teacher in my school who is new this year. I do not have him as my teacher so I don't understand why he constantly tries to talk to me all the time especially in the hallways. Half the time he ends up walking into school around the ...
A. 11 February 2012: So far you haven't indicated anything creepy, the guy is just being polite, holding doors and saying Hi ,Jane etc.
The fact that you arrive at school at the same time "half of the times " is not strange at all,-unless you suspect him of lurk... (read in full...)
How do I keep from getting upset about this girl moving in on the friend I like?
Q. Hiii guys :) Well I guess I'm gonna have to admit; I am the typical boy crazy teenager. I've liked a lot of guys for a LONG time. One day I think I love one the next day another one. :P Anyway. Recently at like the beginning of the year this new ...
A. 11 February 2012: You trust nature :), like you said you fall in love quite often so don't worry, as soon as you'll have found a new object of desire, you'll move your focus from Jacob to the new boy. Then, you are growing up and maturing , so who knows, maybe the ... (read in full...)
Horses are the only good thing. how can I make it clear to my parents that they expect too much of me?
Q. Ok so I seriously hate my life right now....everything just sucks about it. I go to a horrible public high school where theres drugs and a million 15 year old pregnant girls. Our house that I've been living in for about 10 years is going to get take...
A. 10 February 2012: I have a lot of respect for Abella's opinions, but this time we are in total disagreement.
I don't think that your mom is too demanding or is pushing you too hard, or, in fact, maybe she is a bit, but I guess she HAS to, if she has effe... (read in full...)
Is our relationship worth salvaging?
Q. My girlfriend and I got in a fight about a month ago. Things haven't been working too well for about 6 weeks prior, so I told her I wanted to take a break. She asked me why, I said that the relationship was hurting me and I needed some space. S...
A. 10 February 2012: OP, maybe I am getting you mixed up with somebody else, but I think you posted already saying you and this girl had already broken up 4 times in 7 months . If you are the same person, well,...what do you want to salvage ?, it was clearly so NOT ... (read in full...)
Is he a player? Should I stay with him? Or am I just one of many?
Q. Hi everyone. I'm in a really confusing situation right now, but I need to make a decision soon and I hope that I will get some good advice from here. I have been in a relationship with this guy since a year - last February, we are going to complet...
A. 10 February 2012: Heck no. You caught him multiple times. He said he'd stop, but he did not. He cheated on you... just not to cancel hotel reservations, basically that's what he says :). He's been playing you left right and center , and you believe he'll change ... (read in full...)
Is he a player? Should I stay with him? Or am I just one of many?
Q. Hi everyone. I'm in a really confusing situation right now, but I need to make a decision soon and I hope that I will get some good advice from here. I have been in a relationship with this guy since a year - last February, we are going to complet...
A. 10 February 2012: Heck no. You caught him multiple times. He said he'd stop, but he did not. He cheated on you... just not to cancel hotel reservations, basically that's what he says :). He's been playing you left right and center , and you believe he'll change ... (read in full...)
Should my mother allow me to spend the night with my boyfriend?
Q. Okay so I wanted to know that if your 16 years old and your boyfriend is 17, and you guys have been together for a year and seven months but have known each other for three years. Should you be able to stay the night with him. My boyfriend lives an ...
A. 10 February 2012: No you should not be allowed, not at 16. And particlarly for the reason you have given, i.e. a distance of 1.5 hours. So ? haven't you got Saturdays and / or Sundays to spend together? Can't he place his backside on a bus or train , or bum a ride,( ... (read in full...)
Did my ex even like me? He ended the relationship because he thought I didnt respect him, and I don't think that's enough of a reason to end a relationship...
Q. My boyfriend broke up with me last year september but he was still on my blackberry messenger till december when I deleted him. We made no contact after the break up even till now. He was seen at places he wouldn't go ordinarily unless I force him ...
A. 10 February 2012: I have to disagree, disrespect is an excellent reason to terminate any relationship !, without mutual respect no relationship is possible.
I agree though that one angry comment uttered out of nerves in the heat of the moment, after one argu... (read in full...)
Why on earth would my partner keep a bottle of 'Dick Lick' from a previous liaison. Eugghhh!
Q. I have struggled with trust with my new partner for some time. We managed to put to bed the things that were troubling me (and they were NOT small I can tell you). All has been good but I have now discovered two more things that are making me ...
A. 10 February 2012: Not to be brutal, but there are other more intimate things than a chemical sbstance, which she used on her ex lover , i.e. her mouth and her vagina, and now you are using them too. How come that does not make you equally uncomfortable ?... (read in full...)
Why on earth would my partner keep a bottle of 'Dick Lick' from a previous liaison. Eugghhh!
Q. I have struggled with trust with my new partner for some time. We managed to put to bed the things that were troubling me (and they were NOT small I can tell you). All has been good but I have now discovered two more things that are making me ...
A. 10 February 2012: I think we had already answered your question, she did not throw them away because it did not cross her mind, and it did not cross her mind because it was not really supposed to.
People do not necessarily throw away everything even remotely conc... (read in full...)
When I asked my FWB partner not to have sex with her disgusting ex because I don't want to end up contracting a disease, she thought I was accusing her. Did I do the right thing?
Q. So I had a fwb thing with going on with someone and she said how much she hated her ex and what not and her ex did act like a complete dick. He even at one point seemed to be bragging to her how he's having sex with so many women and doing meth (I ...
A. 10 February 2012: Good. Then you can simply abstain from having sex with her. She still has no obligations to limit or modify HER sex life for an FWB.... (read in full...)
Is he playing games or being true when he ignores my actions that say stop?
Q. could it be that when your boyfriend goes down on you and is even willing to try cunnilingus even when you try to pull his head away - is it a sign that he loves you? i have had a couple of disappointements with men and i need a sign to show me that...
A. 10 February 2012: I don't see what cunnilings has got to do with love- in fact, as for me, if you push his head away and he persists, I'd take it as a sign a) that he is not good at all with non verbal commnication and he needs things spelled out for him or b) that ... (read in full...)
I'm married and she has a boyfriend but I cannot ignore my attraction to her, how do I ask her out?
Q. There is a new lady in office. She is 38 and I am 26. She is really very cute and hot at the same time...rare combination but yes she is. I have been wondering how to ask her out and what subjects could I talk to her on to attract her towards me. ...
A. 10 February 2012: What makes you so sure that a 38 y.o. woman with a boyfriend would be interested with a dalliance with a 26 y.o. married guy ?...
She'd probably just laugh in your face and make you the office laughingstock.. Or get mad and have her bf teach you ... (read in full...)
When I asked my FWB partner not to have sex with her disgusting ex because I don't want to end up contracting a disease, she thought I was accusing her. Did I do the right thing?
Q. So I had a fwb thing with going on with someone and she said how much she hated her ex and what not and her ex did act like a complete dick. He even at one point seemed to be bragging to her how he's having sex with so many women and doing meth (I ...
A. 10 February 2012: No. Way out of line for an FWB only. You can ( should, actually ) use condoms- or else, just having sex with someone safer.... (read in full...)
Why on earth would my partner keep a bottle of 'Dick Lick' from a previous liaison. Eugghhh!
Q. I have struggled with trust with my new partner for some time. We managed to put to bed the things that were troubling me (and they were NOT small I can tell you). All has been good but I have now discovered two more things that are making me ...
A. 9 February 2012: Call me dumb, but I don't get the commotion about the lube. She did not throw it away because it was not finished. And the condoms because they had not expired. Same as she might have not thrown away a tube of toothpaste that she might have ... (read in full...)
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