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... Send *indyCares a private message | | | *indyCares's profile:Hi everybody. I am an Italian woman currently living in Italy but I spent many years in England and USA. I hope my English is still decent but in case it got a little rusty, please be lenient.
My age ? Let say that I am way past the stage when you cry if the boy you like takes your best friend to the prom, and young enough to remember how awful that feels.
What qualifies me to help people- well, let me show off just a bit and mention that I studied Psychology 4 years in college, and, even if then I graduated in a different subject, I never lost my interest in psychology and kept reading a lot about this subject. Yet that does not really qualify me for anything because intellectual knowledge is not the same as real life experience. So let's say I feel I can advice people because I have lived a lot, travelled a lot, met a lot of people from all backgrounds , races and religions- I have loved a lot, and I have also been dumped a lot :)
Plus, I am really fascinated with people and their stories. Not in a gossipy way. I just find that every person is a whole new world that I am excited to discover.
Right now I am single- and happily so. I realized- better late than never - that rather than waiting for Prince Charming I should first become a Princess myself. You can't love anybody unconditionally, if first you don't love yourself unconditionally, and this is what I am learning to do.
Looking forward to hear from all of you..
Ciao
Cindy |
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| Latest articles: Devastation in Italy
This question has 2 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
26 August 2016: This has got nothing to do with romance or relationships or love- maybe with love for our fellow human beings, i.e. solidariety and compassion , so I hope that the mods will publish this regardless. On August 24th a devastating eartquak...
Ten best ways for a woman to be given her walking papers.
This question has 7 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
19 August 2014: Yeah I know : ultimately love is a mystery, not an exact science. There's always an element of sheer luck, of serendipity, of magic in it. Some times you do everything right, by the book, you are the perfect gf / wife / lover .. and you still get ...
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Could my baby look like my lover?
Q. If a woman is pregnant and sleeps with another man can the baby have features of the man who is not the father?...
A. 21 February 2012: Of course not !
It's like saying that, if you look at a lot of Brad Pitt's pictures when you are pregnant, then the baby will look all like Brad Pitt !
People inherit their features only from their BIOLOGICAL parents and ancestors.... (read in full...)
Does he sound like a sociopath
Q. He and i were fwb in the past but we're just friends now. I went to see him at his place because he's going away for a month and we wanted to see each other before he left. We've always been pretty flirty around each other but nothing has happened ...
A. 20 February 2012: It's up to you to tell YOURSELF what's right or wrong. Pls. re-read well YouWish's answer, it may help you grasp the concept of personal responsibility with which apparently you have some issue.
So you just wanted to be friends and you acted in a... (read in full...)
I'm so afraid I'm going to cheat on my fiance
Q. I have a great finacee but her sex drive has never matched mine and I'm fine with it...I love her and we've been in love for years were getting married this upcoming March. I masterbate every morning after my girl goes to work (she works in th...
A. 20 February 2012: So you are tempted. And ?
Doing the right thing is a choice, that often is renewed daily in front of challenges. No challenge- no temptations, it would be nice, but it does not work this way.
I quit smoking about 18 months ago and still ev... (read in full...)
Boyfriend says he will not take advice from a girl
Q. When waiting for a take away once with my ex boyfriend, I was reading a magazine with a sex positions article in it. Being flirty, as a joke I showed it to him and he put it back on the table and said angrily I'm not taking sex advice from a girl! ...
A. 20 February 2012: Aw BS. Talk is cheap , and everybody always had incredible sex ...in the past, and rocked the sexual world ... of their EXes. NOW is the moment.
I think you should turn upside down the perspective from which you see sex. You sort of have stage frig... (read in full...)
Does he sound like a sociopath
Q. He and i were fwb in the past but we're just friends now. I went to see him at his place because he's going away for a month and we wanted to see each other before he left. We've always been pretty flirty around each other but nothing has happened ...
A. 20 February 2012: Not until you keep being " flirty " with him and let him cuddle you !.
... (read in full...)
Can some people turn their love on and off?
Q. If you do some very bad things, more than once, to your partner, and then break up over it, do you think it can make them stop loving you? or do you think they still love you really, but just act like they dont like you? Can some people just turn ...
A. 20 February 2012: Yes of course. Not on and off like, immediately, on tap, but in time, and if the bad things goes on repeatedly , and are bad enough to break up, then for sure. Only a person with no self love and no self respect could continue to love indefinetely ... (read in full...)
How equal should things be? I give her oral, but she just gives me excuses for why not, when I seek same from her.
Q. Hi, I'm wondering whether I should expect oral sex for giving oral sex. Me and my girlfriend don't have sex often, but my sex drive is a lot more than hers, so she uses her hands to satisfy me. I've told her I really enjoy oral sex and she gave...
A. 20 February 2012: I'm with Honeypie, I don't belive in tit for tat in bed.
Suppose she'd say :" Anal sex hurts, but I'll let you penetrate me anally,- only ,after of course it's my turn to use my ten inches dildo on you".
That would be a fair exchange, she woul... (read in full...)
I'm insecure about my penis size and terrified of being called "small". Is it okay to want a woman who doesn't have a past so that she don't compare my size to others?
Q. Im a 21 year old virgin guy and lately ive been trying to figure out what I want in a girlfriend before I know for sure that im ready to have sex. While trying to figured things out for myself ive realized something. I have female friends that joke ...
A. 20 February 2012: You are making fun of us poor Aunts right ?...
All this hand wringing and hair tearing about your penis size... then it comes out you are 7 and 1/2 ? That 's definitely ABOVE average, some ladies would find it too much.
Stop watching porn , I... (read in full...)
How do I distance myself from a friend that only uses me?
Q. I am a 34 year old woman and I have a friend whom I really love. I just have one problem. I dont think he really cares for me and I need to seperate myself from him, I just dont know how. Everytime he ask me for something I do my best to get it for ...
A. 19 February 2012: I have to disagree with my friend Uncle Shawncaff ( hi Shawncaff, nice to see you back on DC ).
If you know that you have been foolish, and you know that you have been / are being used, and you still have trouble controlling yourself- then it is a... (read in full...)
Should I feel bad about not attending my sister's wedding considering the circumstances?
Q. Hi guys, I've been a long time contributer on here for others problems and I was wondering what others could suggest on my situation concerning my sisters' marriage. I'm not sure how I feel about this as my family isn't so close and is rathe...
A. 19 February 2012: Hey, 2500 is serious money - particularly if you can't comfortably afford it. I would not spend that money for going... to my OWN wedding !
Therefore, yes, I think it's perfectly reasonable that you share your concerns with your sister and tell... (read in full...)
Does he sound like a sociopath
Q. He and i were fwb in the past but we're just friends now. I went to see him at his place because he's going away for a month and we wanted to see each other before he left. We've always been pretty flirty around each other but nothing has happened ...
A. 19 February 2012: A sociopath ? he sounds just like an average guy trying his sexual luck with what he perceives as potentially available and recptive subject.
If he acts this way it's because you LET him. You cooperate , in fact. If you have a boyfriend, why ... (read in full...)
Have my daughters inherited their streak of violence from their father?
Q. Hi, I'm looking for some thoughts/advice re a situation that is really stressing me. My daughter is 20 and she says she is bisexual and has a GF, who i've allowed to stay here for nearly a year (she lost her job and landlord evicted her). I said ...
A. 19 February 2012: Don't beat yourself up, you can have done your very best to bring your kids up, but people still always have their personality, quirks and faults, we are a product of both nature and culture.
If this is of any comfort to you, this may be just... (read in full...)
I've split from my G/f but she's going to have our baby in 6 months time. Am I entitled to be at the birth of our baby?
Q. I have just split up with girlfriend and she is having our baby in approximately 6 months time. Please may I ask for anyone's kind advice in regards to if i I am definately entitled to be at the birth of my baby? I would very much apppreciate an...
A. 19 February 2012: No, you are not entitled to be in the delivery room and present at the moment of childbirth, that's always the mother's choice. And no obstetrician worth his salt would let you in against the mother's wishes.
Some women want their partner ther... (read in full...)
Friend gives lame answer and then no reply, what should I do?
Q. I asked a friend to catch up for my birthday. But he said he had no money, but can't he just borrow money from his family- who he lives with? He's used this excuse before, but I mean it's my birthday tomorrow. And I'm having my wisdom tooth removed ...
A. 19 February 2012: No, I believe that a guy and a girl can be just friends.
I just don't think that you should pressure your friends to spend money on you, or anyway choose what their financial priorities should be. Maybe he just has different ideas from your... (read in full...)
Boyfriend says he will not take advice from a girl
Q. When waiting for a take away once with my ex boyfriend, I was reading a magazine with a sex positions article in it. Being flirty, as a joke I showed it to him and he put it back on the table and said angrily I'm not taking sex advice from a girl! ...
A. 19 February 2012: Oh sorry I had overlooked that he was an EX boyfriend. So, I guess it's what I said PLUS he was strongly discouraging you from flirting. It's a ( rude ) way to tell you to stay within your boundaries.
He has a point though- don't flirt with... (read in full...)
The cleaning lady is coming on to me, how do I proceed from here?
Q. So the cleaning lady comes over every Friday to the house and i kind of have a crush on her. There are times when were home alone together and i swear i get the feeling that she wants me! She's like 45-46 im 19. She's always sparking conversation ...
A. 19 February 2012: And you are definitely not very good at writing erotic fiction...:). We should swap roles : you advice people, and we come up with BELIEVABLE sexy stories ....
(Btw, Miamine raises a good point : a real cougar does NOT act this way, all shy ... (read in full...)
Boyfriend has history of violence. Am I worrying too much?
Q. Long story short, I found out over the last couple of days that my boyfriend has a really bad temper. I haven't been dating him for long and i've known hes had a bad temper for a while but i'm now gett...
A. 18 February 2012: Sigh . This is one of the most depressing updates I 've read on DC.
Of course he regrets what he's done, I'd like to see if he were even proud of it, then he'd be a total freaking psycho ! The question here is not , does he regret it, but : can ... (read in full...)
Friend gives lame answer and then no reply, what should I do?
Q. I asked a friend to catch up for my birthday. But he said he had no money, but can't he just borrow money from his family- who he lives with? He's used this excuse before, but I mean it's my birthday tomorrow. And I'm having my wisdom tooth removed ...
A. 18 February 2012: That would explain why he is penniless now :)... (read in full...)
Boyfriend has history of violence. Am I worrying too much?
Q. Long story short, I found out over the last couple of days that my boyfriend has a really bad temper. I haven't been dating him for long and i've known hes had a bad temper for a while but i'm now gett...
A. 18 February 2012: You are kidding right ?
He broke someone's jaw ?.. someone's arm ? He went at somebody's face with a broken bottle ??
The guy is a criminal ! A wild animal !
No, I don't buy it it was all in self defense . Regardless the fact that there's... (read in full...)
The cleaning lady is coming on to me, how do I proceed from here?
Q. So the cleaning lady comes over every Friday to the house and i kind of have a crush on her. There are times when were home alone together and i swear i get the feeling that she wants me! She's like 45-46 im 19. She's always sparking conversation ...
A. 18 February 2012: Tbh, I strongly doubt that you are not making this up .
Why ? because I have had cleaning ladies working for me for my entire life, and never, I say never, have I seen or made one clean floors on all fours with her butt up. There's no need for ... (read in full...)
Why does my boyfriend not trust me or want me to go to the library?
Q. Hi guys. Just looking for some advice. My main questions: Do you think this is acceptable in a relationship? Am I in the wrong? What would you do if you were me? Any other comments? Ok so the situation: I work part time/full time stud...
A. 18 February 2012: I think that if he is so paranoid about the library, maybe in the past he used it himself as his hunting ground to score chicks or hooking up with a sexy librarian :) He's judging you by his own meter... if he is a person who would easily lie and ... (read in full...)
I deleted him off facebook. So should I message him and explain why?
Q. I have a crush on this guy for three years now. Even though we never got together, the chance we did have was thrown out the window for a number of factor. (he went back to his country + was seeing other women). I decided to be just friends ...
A. 18 February 2012: No. Make your own closure, no need to add drama to a situation that 's basically very simple: things did not work out as you hoped, and now you realize it's time to move on. I also seriously doubt that's wise or even possible to " stay friends " ... (read in full...)
Boyfriend says he will not take advice from a girl
Q. When waiting for a take away once with my ex boyfriend, I was reading a magazine with a sex positions article in it. Being flirty, as a joke I showed it to him and he put it back on the table and said angrily I'm not taking sex advice from a girl! ...
A. 18 February 2012: I wonder whom would he take sex advice from... from another man ?! :) I guess that's why many men are lousy lovers and are totally clueless about what feels good to their woman... because they don't listen, and they don't take advice and ... (read in full...)
Friend gives lame answer and then no reply, what should I do?
Q. I asked a friend to catch up for my birthday. But he said he had no money, but can't he just borrow money from his family- who he lives with? He's used this excuse before, but I mean it's my birthday tomorrow. And I'm having my wisdom tooth removed ...
A. 18 February 2012: No, he should not borrow money from his family for a not indispensable thing like celebrating a birthday . If one is so fortunate to have family or friends who are willing to help out, that's not a good reason to take advantage of their courtesy ... (read in full...)
Should I break up with my FWB?
Q. I am seeing this guy for almost 3 months. I realized we are not more than FWB..cuz we meet always x sex. Last week I went out with a friend of mine, I met a nice guy who asked my number and invited me to lunch...I said not. He asked me if I have a ...
A. 18 February 2012: Drop the FWB and start something new with the other guy.
Your FWB thing is not going anywhere . ... (read in full...)
I don't want to get too attached to him because of the distance! What should I do?
Q. Ive been talking to this boy for a few weeks now and we've known each other for ages, the problem is that he's moved away. We both live in cornwall, i live in St Austell and he lives in Penzance, i sort of like him but i don't want to get attached ...
A. 17 February 2012: An hour is not long distance ! It's the regular distance for lots of people who live and date in Los Angeles or New York or London or other big cities, - they manage somehow. Of course you might not be able to do the lovey dovey couple who hangs ... (read in full...)
Is my husband gay or bisexual?
Q. Ok here goes... I'm 18, and my husband is 19. we've been married for 8 months. we have a daughter, who is 2 years and 2 months and i'm 11 weeks pregnant with our second child. Basically, i know in my heart that my husband is gay. He claim...
A. 17 February 2012: If you really want to put a label on him, I vote for bisexual.
There are lots of people that feel capable of having a relationship of love and affection only with a member of the opposite gender,... but feel that sex with the same gender is more... (read in full...)
Found out the guy I was dating had a girlfriend and now I'm seeing his enemy, everyone thinks I'm being spiteful but I've liked him for a while! Am I in the wrong?
Q. I was dealing with a guy for about a year. Towards the end of our thing I met his "enemy". Ive ran into him before but we never spoke. This night we actually ended up kissing. I was drunk and so was he. Any who the night ends and we exchange ...
A. 17 February 2012: Do no evil, fear no evil. You know that you are not seeing the new guy out of revenge or spite but because you really like him, so what do you care about what people says, let them talk .
You don't owe anything to your ex, - because he is an ex and ... (read in full...)
He texts me and then no contact for days. Is this a guy game?
Q. Alright... so I met this guy at work. I work days, he works the night shift. We only see each other if I work late. So, we're friends on Facebook, we text, we message, we even talk when we see each other at work on occasion. He told me he really l...
A. 17 February 2012: Facebook is evil:) Texting is evil :). Because it creates so many unnecessary drama and so many unrealistic expectations.
These are very low maintenance communication means, that allow you to keep people indefinitely at the periphery of your life... (read in full...)
I thought that we were 'meant to be'. Wrong, it seems. Am I capable of loving anyone?
Q. Ok so almost 5 months ago I was in an on and off relationship that overall lasted three months. I felt I was in love with him but he was completely unstable. He broke up with me three times and I stupidly went back with him twice thinking we were ...
A. 17 February 2012: Yes,but this is not about love or being meant to be, it's the very predictable reaction of a hurt EGO. You thought you meant something special to him... you find out it was not so... and now your ego kicks and screams because it don't like that. ... (read in full...)
I thought that we were 'meant to be'. Wrong, it seems. Am I capable of loving anyone?
Q. Ok so almost 5 months ago I was in an on and off relationship that overall lasted three months. I felt I was in love with him but he was completely unstable. He broke up with me three times and I stupidly went back with him twice thinking we were ...
A. 16 February 2012: Yes, this definitely sounds a bit of an OCD thing.
I mean, come ooooon. You dated all of 3 months during which you broke up 3 times ! If people nowadays would still handwrite letters, and you should send him your " scolding " by mail.. we c... (read in full...)
He pushed me down. Its just not like him.
Q. So my boyfriend and I have been together about a year and a half. We've known each other for nearly 7 years...it just took a while to make it official. Once official, things went fast. Within 2 months we were (practically) living together...within 6 ...
A. 16 February 2012: OP, let's cut to the chase :
he and you are both wrong since you both say and do hurtful things.
It does not have to be physical abuse to hurt.
Right.
So : what are you doing still together ?
Reenacting Liz Taylor and Richard Burton, minu... (read in full...)
What does it mean to "use" someone?
Q. I recently recalled an argument I had with a woman some time ago. She slept with men for money. She tried to keep it secret, but once I found out, I was very troubled by it. One reason was that she did not really need the money--it was not like she ...
A. 16 February 2012: Based on your own reasoning... you should feel pretty safe. If you think that she slept with rich men just for their money ( but - she won't confirm that, she says she also liked them ), and that she used terms of endearment with them only to get ... (read in full...)
He pushed me down. Its just not like him.
Q. So my boyfriend and I have been together about a year and a half. We've known each other for nearly 7 years...it just took a while to make it official. Once official, things went fast. Within 2 months we were (practically) living together...within 6 ...
A. 16 February 2012: Maybe it's no so complicate as you make it, it's sort of simple in fact : you have unresolved anger issues and poor or absent impulse control, he... the same as you. It's a volatile and explosive combination, and for the best interest of both, you ... (read in full...)
He pushed me down. Its just not like him.
Q. So my boyfriend and I have been together about a year and a half. We've known each other for nearly 7 years...it just took a while to make it official. Once official, things went fast. Within 2 months we were (practically) living together...within 6 ...
A. 16 February 2012: Maybe it's no so complicate as you make it, it's sort of simple in fact : you have unresolved anger issues and poor or absent impulse control, he... the same as you. It's a volatile and explosive combination, and for the best interest of both, you ... (read in full...)
I am confused in this beautiful relationship we have..Please advisee
Q. I am 29 years old and in beautiful relationship with this girl (30 years old) I met her 14 months ago and like her so much and she is such a beautiful person and very supportive. She has done a a lot for me, we also have a healthy relationship. ...
A. 16 February 2012: How do you know she will leave you ? What makes you think that ?..
I'day the opposite is more probable, that you will leave her . No matter how much we want to do the right thing and choose the right person, physical attraction is important, with... (read in full...)
How can I stop my father controlling me when I'm 18 and an only child?
Q. Hi. So simply as im going to put it... I'm 18. An only child still live at home Have a controlling father who yeah, you could say...im scared of... So, my father thinks he has the right to control me, given I still live at home... He...
A. 15 February 2012: His house his rules,- I think when he temporarily takes away what's technically yours he is still within his rights, - since he is not stealing objects from you ,( you get them back ) he is temporarily limiting your access to certain commodities ... (read in full...)
Am I being a snob by feeling slightly offended for having to share a guy with someone like her?
Q. This guy and I are in the "talking" stage and he is also talking to another girl. This doesn't bother me as we both agreed in the beginning that we just want something casual and fun, since I will be leaving to go to graduate school out of the ...
A. 15 February 2012: Frankly I don't think that if she were a Pulitzer price or college dean , you'd feel much better. I don't think you'd say , I am so glad that he is fucking an educated, accomplished woman.
I think that you have to decide what you really want and ... (read in full...)
Hoping to enjoy something denied me until now. How can my Bf make my birthday really special when we make love?
Q. My 21st birthday is on Friday. And I know I'm going to have the best sex of my life. I'm probably going to be drunk, but I hope not too drunk where I cant remember it. My problem is, though, I've never had a vaginal orgasm before. My current ...
A. 15 February 2012: Don't set a date. It's like when you misplace your sunglasses or your car keys and you only have half an hour to find them. You seek everywhere , you turn the whole place asunder, and nothing, they are nowhere to be seen. You decide you'll go out ... (read in full...)
He says he doesn't find me sexually attractive. But I still love him so much. What should I do?
Q. I am 13 years older than my boyfriend we have been togeather for 6 months, he moved in with me in December of last year and we barley have sex, he said he has no desire, blaming it on himself like he has sexual problems, the times we have done it ...
A. 15 February 2012: My best wishes, but personally I think it's hard to " work on " physical attraction, it's something in large, part irrational and biochemical, either it is there or it is not. How do you train yourself to be sexually attracted to someone , if ... (read in full...)
How can I give my boyfriend pleasure without actually having sex?
Q. can someone tell me how I can make more pleasure my boy without sex?we don't have sex I am virgin. in my country it is not normal before merriag have sex.but my bf want this and i can not please help me and tell me can I make more pleasure without ...
A. 15 February 2012: No. Not at all. You are doing what HE wants to do.
You just said it . " He is always pressuring me for sex but I don't want this ".
This is not about being stupid ( although yes, since YOU called yourself that,....at least in this particul... (read in full...)
How can I give my boyfriend pleasure without actually having sex?
Q. can someone tell me how I can make more pleasure my boy without sex?we don't have sex I am virgin. in my country it is not normal before merriag have sex.but my bf want this and i can not please help me and tell me can I make more pleasure without ...
A. 15 February 2012: No. Not at all. You are doing what HE wants to do.
You just said it . " He is always pressuring me for sex but I don't want this ".
This is not about being stupid ( although yes, since YOU called yourself that,....at least in this particul... (read in full...)
How can I give my boyfriend pleasure without actually having sex?
Q. can someone tell me how I can make more pleasure my boy without sex?we don't have sex I am virgin. in my country it is not normal before merriag have sex.but my bf want this and i can not please help me and tell me can I make more pleasure without ...
A. 13 February 2012: Wait a minute wait a minute. You say that in your country it's not normal having sex before marriage, i.e. they put a high value on virginity- and while I personally think this is stupid, hey I'am not the one who has to live and get married there, ... (read in full...)
He says he doesn't find me sexually attractive. But I still love him so much. What should I do?
Q. I am 13 years older than my boyfriend we have been togeather for 6 months, he moved in with me in December of last year and we barley have sex, he said he has no desire, blaming it on himself like he has sexual problems, the times we have done it ...
A. 13 February 2012: Maybe it's good that certain things are hard to forget, because they should not be forgotten and swept under the rug quickly, they beget questions.
For instance, if he is not physically attracted to older women,knowing that , WHY exactly did he t... (read in full...)
He says he doesn't find me sexually attractive. But I still love him so much. What should I do?
Q. I am 13 years older than my boyfriend we have been togeather for 6 months, he moved in with me in December of last year and we barley have sex, he said he has no desire, blaming it on himself like he has sexual problems, the times we have done it ...
A. 13 February 2012: Maybe it's good that certain things are hard to forget, because they should not be forgotten and swept under the rug quickly, they beget questions.
For instance, if he is not physically attracted to older women,knowing that , WHY exactly did he t... (read in full...)
How can I stop my father controlling me when I'm 18 and an only child?
Q. Hi. So simply as im going to put it... I'm 18. An only child still live at home Have a controlling father who yeah, you could say...im scared of... So, my father thinks he has the right to control me, given I still live at home... He...
A. 12 February 2012: I am sorry that you have to be scared of your potentially abusive father, I imagine that makes things more difficult and maybe sorts out a nice " heart to heart ".
But yeah, begrudgingly but I must say that if you live at home, yes, you are boun... (read in full...)
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