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... Send *indyCares a private message | | | *indyCares's profile:Hi everybody. I am an Italian woman currently living in Italy but I spent many years in England and USA. I hope my English is still decent but in case it got a little rusty, please be lenient.
My age ? Let say that I am way past the stage when you cry if the boy you like takes your best friend to the prom, and young enough to remember how awful that feels.
What qualifies me to help people- well, let me show off just a bit and mention that I studied Psychology 4 years in college, and, even if then I graduated in a different subject, I never lost my interest in psychology and kept reading a lot about this subject. Yet that does not really qualify me for anything because intellectual knowledge is not the same as real life experience. So let's say I feel I can advice people because I have lived a lot, travelled a lot, met a lot of people from all backgrounds , races and religions- I have loved a lot, and I have also been dumped a lot :)
Plus, I am really fascinated with people and their stories. Not in a gossipy way. I just find that every person is a whole new world that I am excited to discover.
Right now I am single- and happily so. I realized- better late than never - that rather than waiting for Prince Charming I should first become a Princess myself. You can't love anybody unconditionally, if first you don't love yourself unconditionally, and this is what I am learning to do.
Looking forward to hear from all of you..
Ciao
Cindy |
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| Latest articles: Devastation in Italy
This question has 2 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
26 August 2016: This has got nothing to do with romance or relationships or love- maybe with love for our fellow human beings, i.e. solidariety and compassion , so I hope that the mods will publish this regardless. On August 24th a devastating eartquak...
Ten best ways for a woman to be given her walking papers.
This question has 7 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
19 August 2014: Yeah I know : ultimately love is a mystery, not an exact science. There's always an element of sheer luck, of serendipity, of magic in it. Some times you do everything right, by the book, you are the perfect gf / wife / lover .. and you still get ...
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I want children, just not right now! B/f wants me to forget about education and have them right away
Q. Hi everyone :)...... Just asking for some outside perspectives for the confusing mess iv got going on in my head right now! My partner is 35, I'm 22. He wants kids. Soon. I'm about to graduate in about 15 months. So he wants to start trying so...
A. 28 February 2012: Love ? What kind of love is it a love that can't wait 15 months ?, when there's tons of time... It's not as if his sperm were expiring in 2012 ... If nothing else, he should want to wait to make sure that the mother of his child faces pregnancy ... (read in full...)
Are we in a good position to be making these plans for our marriage in the future?
Q. Hi so really this a question to get people's opinion. here's the back history of me and my boyfriend first so you know where I'm coming from :-) I've been going out with this boy now for 4years he's 19 (20 in september) and I'm 18 (19 in April) we...
A. 28 February 2012: Yes, but you are getting married today, not 10 or 20 or 50 years ago. Today's statistical odds are hugely against you. Which of course it does not mean you are doomed , or that you can't happily celebrate your silver or golden wedding ... (read in full...)
OK I get that she once did porn, but why does she feel ok showing to people??
Q. Hi Agony Aunts and Agony Uncles, Here's the deal. I met a girl at a party and liked her but then found out she once did porn. She seemed sweet and even innocent and I could hardly believe it. I found out by googling her name. We spoke about it...
A. 28 February 2012: It's not a matter of right or wrong, it's a matter of having a different moral compass.
I don't think she feels ashamed or guilty about her past, otherwise, as you notice, she'd make sure it stays safely PAST and she ewould not go around adve... (read in full...)
My sons are angry and think I am a bad mother when all I tried to do was give them a good life
Q. I have just had a very heated conversation with my teenage sons aged 17 and nearly 20. Both them feel they have had terrible childhoods because I use to smack them and threaten them with implements when they were younger and according to them also ...
A. 27 February 2012: Pardon me, but what you expect , that they are NOT angry ? ... Why shouldn't they be ?
You " used " to smack them and threaten them with implements. Meaning it was not a once or twice " mommy went berserk " accident, it was a repeated occu... (read in full...)
He stood me up for no reason
Q. Me and this guy friend arranged to meet up this weekend; his idea actually. We do have a bit of a history. We've never dated but we did have a bit of casual "fun" when we were both single. I ended up developing feelings for him but I think that was ...
A. 27 February 2012: Why, don't tell me you are surprised that a guy would consider cheating ? That's not strange, it may be wrong, but it's not strange at all.
Some guys ( and women too of course ) have no problem in having a steady partner AND a little some... (read in full...)
He stood me up for no reason
Q. Me and this guy friend arranged to meet up this weekend; his idea actually. We do have a bit of a history. We've never dated but we did have a bit of casual "fun" when we were both single. I ended up developing feelings for him but I think that was ...
A. 27 February 2012: Why, don't tell me you are surprised that a guy would consider cheating ? That's not strange, it may be wrong, but it's not strange at all.
Some guys ( and women too of course ) have no problem in having a steady partner AND a little some... (read in full...)
My boyfriend's cousin is getting married in April, and he hasn't invited me to the wedding
Q. My boyfriend's cousin is getting married in April, and he hasn't invited me to the wedding. I'm not sure whether or not he plans to, but so far he hasn't mentioned it. The wedding is not too far away, so I assume if he planned on bringing me along, ...
A. 27 February 2012: Maybe the invitation from his cousin was for him only , and did not allow for a " plus one ".
I would not bring this up, since from what you say he has no problem at all to bring you along at public functions; if he did not this time ,it mean... (read in full...)
Why is my ex so spiteful to me?
Q. I am going through a tough break up we were together for almost a year and he cheated then broke up with me it has been almost a month and yes i have called. And text.wanting answers he blocked my number because i want my sons things back. He is ...
A. 27 February 2012: Chances of what ? of getting back together ?...
Ah then, you are not contacting him simply because you want answers or because you want your son's stuff back. You are contacting him because you want to put your foot in the door for a reco... (read in full...)
Are we in a good position to be making these plans for our marriage in the future?
Q. Hi so really this a question to get people's opinion. here's the back history of me and my boyfriend first so you know where I'm coming from :-) I've been going out with this boy now for 4years he's 19 (20 in september) and I'm 18 (19 in April) we...
A. 27 February 2012: Just being so concerned about getting your family's approval and ooohs and aahs of elation is sort of juvenile :)
Not that people necessarily must be confrontational or "in your face " with their family, or should not be happy about their fami... (read in full...)
Do you think I'm still hanging on to the "what if" fantasy?
Q. So dear Cupid... I used to be really great mates with this guy at my school when we was about 14/15 now that we are older and he has moved on to find trashy mates we don't see each other at all and I'm not sure if I'm feeling abandoned or betrayed ...
A. 27 February 2012: You block him. On phone and email. No more contact.
That's a mandatory first step if you are serious about moving on. ... (read in full...)
Do you think I'm still hanging on to the "what if" fantasy?
Q. So dear Cupid... I used to be really great mates with this guy at my school when we was about 14/15 now that we are older and he has moved on to find trashy mates we don't see each other at all and I'm not sure if I'm feeling abandoned or betrayed ...
A. 27 February 2012: You block him. On phone and email. No more contact.
That's a mandatory first step if you are serious about moving on. ... (read in full...)
I want children, just not right now! B/f wants me to forget about education and have them right away
Q. Hi everyone :)...... Just asking for some outside perspectives for the confusing mess iv got going on in my head right now! My partner is 35, I'm 22. He wants kids. Soon. I'm about to graduate in about 15 months. So he wants to start trying so...
A. 27 February 2012: Ouch. Age gap ( not humongous though ) ... and culture clash. Then, it figures. It's difficult. Yeah, " All you need is love " ,"Love conquers all " ... in theory. In practice, as you are witnessing, such huge cultural differences mean a lot, ... (read in full...)
He stood me up for no reason
Q. Me and this guy friend arranged to meet up this weekend; his idea actually. We do have a bit of a history. We've never dated but we did have a bit of casual "fun" when we were both single. I ended up developing feelings for him but I think that was ...
A. 26 February 2012: Oh no, it's very easy in fact, it takes no time and it's the least he could do.
The fact that he's not doing it, therefore , should show you that he's not such a good "friend " after all... ... (read in full...)
He has the ring. When will he find the right moment? Should I wait?
Q. I have been with my boyfriend for 4 years this June. We have a great relationship and have lived together for the past 2 years. I trust him and he has never given me a reason not to. We are very close and are best friends and lovers. 2 1/2 years ago ...
A. 26 February 2012: An engament ring sitting in the closet for 2.5 years , waiting for the right moment ?... Wow. Talk about being a perfectionist :)
I am split on this , 50-50. Well, maybe 60-40
My 60 % cynic says : major bullshit.He's stringing you along. The rig... (read in full...)
Should I go to her party when her boyfriend doesn't like me?
Q. I'm in trouble of misunderstanding and I feel like my friends are avoiding me. They talk when they have to and avoid important talks with me. I just can't describe what my feelings say. It might be a long story, but I reaaallly need an advice:(...
A. 26 February 2012: Oh gosh, this was complicated :) I am not sure I got it all quite right. But all in all I'd say that your bf gave you excellent advice : stay out of all this. Live your life , be polite and civil to everybody, but don't get so involved in their ... (read in full...)
He stood me up for no reason
Q. Me and this guy friend arranged to meet up this weekend; his idea actually. We do have a bit of a history. We've never dated but we did have a bit of casual "fun" when we were both single. I ended up developing feelings for him but I think that was ...
A. 26 February 2012: The situation comments itself .
He has a gf.
He stood you up ,no explanations.
He did not bother to apologize or at least come up with some excuse.Just silence.
So.. maybe you aren't really as friends as you think, because a real friend wo... (read in full...)
He's amazing, but he belittles me and doesn't trust me. Calls me goody-two-shoes. Do I end this relationship?
Q. This is hard for me to write, its hard for me to come to terms with, but i think im near the end of my 20 month relationship. Since the day i meet him we became inseparable, he is my first serious boyfriend and its been a wonderful and life changing...
A. 26 February 2012: I'd be careful if I were you, to not see your story too much through rosy-tinted lenses .
He spent some time in jail for minor offences. Uhm. They can't have been that minor , would have they been, he would have paid a fine, or done community serv... (read in full...)
He can't go, so says I can't go? Am I being selfish wanting to take this big trip with my mother to see sister in Oz?
Q. There is quite a bit going on at the moment I don't know what to do, but my main objective is to go and see my sister in Oz (who I am quite close to). She moved to the other side of the world last year and so me, my mum and my boyfriend were all ...
A. 26 February 2012: This is absurd. Your bf obviously thinks he is the centre of the universe, and stars and planets revolve around him. Disabuse him of this notion and go see your sister. If you don't leave , you'd give a huge disappointment to your mother- men can ... (read in full...)
Do you think it's prostitution to be a dominatrix? Any thoughts?
Q. OK here's a question up for debate, not asking for help just your views on the subject. Random I know lol. DOMINATRIX Do you think it's prostitution to be a dominatrix woman/man. ( for anyone who dont know what that is, it's where someone...
A. 25 February 2012: No way !
The willing , conscious intention to arouse the client on the part of the sex worker - and the specific exchange of money with the declared intent to pay for a specific erotic service is what makes the difference.
You stress the fac... (read in full...)
Do you think it's prostitution to be a dominatrix? Any thoughts?
Q. OK here's a question up for debate, not asking for help just your views on the subject. Random I know lol. DOMINATRIX Do you think it's prostitution to be a dominatrix woman/man. ( for anyone who dont know what that is, it's where someone...
A. 25 February 2012: Yes. Remember, " engaging in sexual relations in exchange for money ". Now, the sexual nature of the transaction is not determined by your opinion, but from that of your client. There are foot fetishists that pay good money to smell women's ... (read in full...)
Do you think it's prostitution to be a dominatrix? Any thoughts?
Q. OK here's a question up for debate, not asking for help just your views on the subject. Random I know lol. DOMINATRIX Do you think it's prostitution to be a dominatrix woman/man. ( for anyone who dont know what that is, it's where someone...
A. 25 February 2012: Going by the dictionary, it is .
Prostitution is defined as : the act or practice of engaging in promiscuous sexual relations for money.
Sexual relations does not only mean penetration, or oral contacts. It maybe anything finalized to the pers... (read in full...)
If after a date the guy hasn't contacted you for five days, but you know it went really well and that they liked you, would it be desperate for the girl to contact them?
Q. If after a date the guy hasn't contacted you for five days, but you know it went really well and that they liked you. Would it be desperate for the girl to contact them? Because I went on a date with this guy, it went really well just everything ...
A. 25 February 2012: Maybe I'd wait a couple more days then I'd send him ONE short message. One message in a week does not make you look desperate or overeager, just interested ( as you actually are, after all ). So no harm in that, then the ball is in his court.
... (read in full...)
Torn between boyfriend and home
Q. I really dont know what to do!!! I started uni in London 3 years ago and met a lovely boy who is now my boyfriend. We've been together for nearly 3 years and we live in a flat together in London that we rent from my grandmother. London has bee...
A. 25 February 2012: I admit my opinion is biased because I am crazy about London, and that tastes are individual and indisputable, but ... are you sure ? " Who's tired of London is tired of life " ! And , -regardless of the boyfriend- jobs, and career opportunities ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend's mom still buys his underware!
Q. I know some of you may find this question a bit ridiculous, but it's been driving me mad! My 27 year old boyfriend has never bought his own underwear. His mother buys them. She sends him boxers for every holiday. He has Halloween boxers, Christma...
A. 25 February 2012: The answer was implied in our posts. Since most of us don't think it is weird, in fact it is rather common, then there isn't a good way to "confront " him without hurting his feelings, because that would imply that HE is a weirdo, or a ... (read in full...)
I just want to know, to anyone who has depression due to a chemical imbalance as well as past events throughout life... does it ever go away?
Q. Hi guys.. So I found out in October 2011, that I have dysthymia disorder. I have a really hard time talking to people other than my mom (who is my bestfriend despite a lot of shit she put me through when I was a child) about how I'm really feeling ...
A. 24 February 2012: Apparently about 75% of cases of Dysthymia respond positively when treated by a combination of talk therapy ( CBT or psychodynamic seem to be the most successful ) plus meds ( SSRIs ). And for the resistent 25% , there's other stuff that can be ... (read in full...)
16 year old girl sent pornographic video of herself to my boyfriend?
Q. So... I need some advice. My boyfriend is very nice looking and it isn't just me that thinks it, other girls also think the same. He talks to a lot of girls who he claims are just his friends he goes about talking to them through phone calls, text ...
A. 24 February 2012: Nicole, come on, if you believe this, you also believe that pigs can fly.
On DC we try to reassure and cheer up insecure guys and girls all the time. " Beauty is in the eyes of the beholder, fat girls get boyfriends as anybody else " " So you ... (read in full...)
I want children, just not right now! B/f wants me to forget about education and have them right away
Q. Hi everyone :)...... Just asking for some outside perspectives for the confusing mess iv got going on in my head right now! My partner is 35, I'm 22. He wants kids. Soon. I'm about to graduate in about 15 months. So he wants to start trying so...
A. 24 February 2012: Let me add a few NO NO NO NO NO to Aunty Bim Bim's.
If you just couln't wait to become a mother, and the only problem would be disappointing your parents, or not meeting your teacher expectations for your future and career , I 'd say do as you ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend's mom still buys his underware!
Q. I know some of you may find this question a bit ridiculous, but it's been driving me mad! My 27 year old boyfriend has never bought his own underwear. His mother buys them. She sends him boxers for every holiday. He has Halloween boxers, Christma...
A. 24 February 2012: She's not " buying him underwear ", she's sending him gifts.For Xmas, Valentine, other special occasions.
What's so strange about that ? My sister often bought me panties and bras for bdays or Xmas, I never saw it as if she is picking my unde... (read in full...)
An argument over opening doors has led me to question my feelings for him, am I being crazy or over-sensitive?
Q. I have been dating my boyfriend for just over a year. He's 46, I'm 43. I will admit, I have ignored some small "yellow flags", but there are many, many good qualities about him and I also know that there is no "perfect", that I, myself, am not ...
A. 23 February 2012: I have got a theory about that.
To me, that men hold doors for women is not even gentlemanly, is normal. That's what people do, it something that becomes ingrained , sort of authomatic, it may perhaps be "stupid" but it's what you have lear... (read in full...)
I cant go to senior prom with my G/f because of the age limit and so her ex is taking her but I know he still has feelings for her. I don't trust this guy and I don't know what to do
Q. hi agony aunts, i am in a relationship with an 18 year old girl. I am 22. the problem is that her senior prom is coming up, and we can't go together because her school has a stupid age limit, you can't go if you're over 21. so anyway, a gu...
A. 23 February 2012: The suggestions of getting a fake ID are totally irresponsible. Fake IDs are illegfal to possess, manifacture, use or sell, and they can resuot in paying a hefty fine, or even going to jail.
Do you want to get a conviction just to attend a prom... (read in full...)
I gave him oral sex on the 4th date and now he has stopped contacting me, are my fears of him never contacting me again correct?
Q. I know that getting physical too soon especially if you are just dating and the guy is not your boyfriend is not the best way to go. However, I have been on 4 dates with this guy and on the fourth date gave him oral sex. I said some stuff that may ...
A. 23 February 2012: I think he will contact you again ,.. at his own terms and conditions, and without too many ceremonies or attentions before.
I don't have a crystal ball and I might be wrong. But the hundreds of posts I have seen in my couple of years on DC s... (read in full...)
What sort of Mom says these things to her own daughter! Advice, please!
Q. So I'm a 21 year old woman who still lives with her parents. I've always had horrible self-esteem. I very rarely see myself as beautiful, and it feels like calling myself pretty is pushing it a little. I always get compliments on my hair, my own ...
A. 23 February 2012: Yeah, you are "trying " . It think this may be what unnerves your mom - that you are trying , not doing . Mind you, still not defending your mom who has the tact of a steamroller, but I can see where she is coming from.
I guess more or less we a... (read in full...)
Oral sex saved for a special occasion?
Q. My boyfriend has been asking me to give him oral sex for a little while, and I finally brought up the courage to do it for him the other day. It was spontaneous and romantic and everything I imagined it to be. Since then, He has asked me a coupl...
A. 22 February 2012: That's cute. BJs on Xmas and birthdays only ? Like the " good " silverware, or the fine china plates ? .. Maybe you can keep them for when you have company over ...
Pardon me, OP, I apologize, I could not resist, I know that you just want to k... (read in full...)
What sort of Mom says these things to her own daughter! Advice, please!
Q. So I'm a 21 year old woman who still lives with her parents. I've always had horrible self-esteem. I very rarely see myself as beautiful, and it feels like calling myself pretty is pushing it a little. I always get compliments on my hair, my own ...
A. 22 February 2012: You won't like my answer but, honestly,... all mothers who see their daughters getting complacent and not doing an effort to look their best , while at the same time being unhappy with the way they look and wishing they were different.
If you ... (read in full...)
Boyfriend's comment about my short hair is she gay, or does she like men and women ? has left me feeling really bad!
Q. I'm hurt by a comment that my boyfriend's friend made. When my boyfriend showed him my photo, he said " is she gay, or does she like men and women ? ". He said that just because i have very short hair!. It's a pixie style hair cut.I feel really self ...
A. 22 February 2012: Do you even listen to these kind of comments, do they even register in your brain ?...
That's on par with people who see a male with a pink shirt and says : oh he MUST be gay.
Stupid people who say stupid things just because they like opening ... (read in full...)
Fiance called off our wedding and there was no warning! Help!
Q. Yesterday, my fiance called off our wedding. I never before believed the people who say 'It came totally out of the blue'. 'Surely', I used to think 'there must have been signs. Arguments, tensions, disagreements, pressure. Things that led ...
A. 22 February 2012: I am very sorry that you are going through this , it must feel like a nightmare.
Unluckily, I think it's just like you say : the signs are always there , it's us who can't or won't pick them up. In a way, his anxiety problems were a sign in itse... (read in full...)
Our relationship was always a secret so her friends think I've been stalking her for 5 years! Despite this I know if it was all in the open I know it would have worked, what should I do?
Q. My girlfriend of 5 years walked out a few weeks ago. The reason was because after 5 years of her wanting to keep our relationship a secret, I told her we cant go on like this and in order for us to move forward as a couple we need to stop being a ...
A. 22 February 2012: This makes no sense. What explanations did she give for wanting to keep you a secret , and did you accept them ? Were they good reasons in your mind ? In fact, did you actually ever asked her why the secret ?
Is she married ?...
And now, she want... (read in full...)
Is there something going on between my ex and one of our friends?
Q. Arghhhhh! I need someone to calm me down a bit!!! My thoughts are running away with me and i'm totally freaking out!!! I'm trying to get over my ex at the minute, and it's going well so far, apart from this one thing that's literally tortur...
A. 21 February 2012: There's nothing to confront, I think that both the exes would consider yours as meddling , not confronting.
He's an ex. She's an ex. They had the right to take up with another person,like, 5 minutes after having dumped you. That you may thin... (read in full...)
I'm worried not attending nasty sister's wedding could cause more problems in the family
Q. Will try and make this short. I've been married for 12 years. My husbands younger sister has always disliked me. I tried to build a bond with her early and had her as a bridesmaid in our wedding and she also lived with us prior to that so s...
A. 21 February 2012: I understand where you are coming from, and if you don't go you are quite justified, but, then again, maybe the wedding invitation in itself is her way to extending an olive branch . Maybe that's the best way she knows how, and can ,apologize, sort ... (read in full...)
Why was anal sex so comfortable for my wife but now its not?
Q. I always fantasized about anal sex, and my wife used to give me a little anal, which kept me happy. But things have changed and I don't know what to do. Lets go back in history. Before our marriage, she told me that she wanted to save her vagin...
A. 21 February 2012: This Aunt 's point of view is that we got ourselves ...another wanna-be erotic fiction writer. ( To express the concept diplomatically ,because there are other definitions too ). ... (read in full...)
Do you think I'm still hanging on to the "what if" fantasy?
Q. So dear Cupid... I used to be really great mates with this guy at my school when we was about 14/15 now that we are older and he has moved on to find trashy mates we don't see each other at all and I'm not sure if I'm feeling abandoned or betrayed ...
A. 21 February 2012: Yes, this is a what if fantasy. You were 14 at the time, you both are not ( at least should not be ! ) the same as you were then, you must have grown changed evolved, and as it often happens, in two different directions.
Another thing to keep in m... (read in full...)
Why is he playing with me like this?
Q. Why is this guy playing with me like this? is this some sort of a sick game? So there's this guy that I like. He'd stare all at me all the time. I gave him my number and he'd ring me and text me. But whenever we made plans to go on a date he'...
A. 21 February 2012: People can only play games with you if you play along. Stop responding to him ! Ignore him !
It sounds to me that he is already involved with another woman, or other women,- or maybe just with his busy life, could be- he's clearly not that into... (read in full...)
Could my baby look like my lover?
Q. If a woman is pregnant and sleeps with another man can the baby have features of the man who is not the father?...
A. 21 February 2012: Of course not !
It's like saying that, if you look at a lot of Brad Pitt's pictures when you are pregnant, then the baby will look all like Brad Pitt !
People inherit their features only from their BIOLOGICAL parents and ancestors.... (read in full...)
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