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... Send *indyCares a private message | | | *indyCares's profile:Hi everybody. I am an Italian woman currently living in Italy but I spent many years in England and USA. I hope my English is still decent but in case it got a little rusty, please be lenient.
My age ? Let say that I am way past the stage when you cry if the boy you like takes your best friend to the prom, and young enough to remember how awful that feels.
What qualifies me to help people- well, let me show off just a bit and mention that I studied Psychology 4 years in college, and, even if then I graduated in a different subject, I never lost my interest in psychology and kept reading a lot about this subject. Yet that does not really qualify me for anything because intellectual knowledge is not the same as real life experience. So let's say I feel I can advice people because I have lived a lot, travelled a lot, met a lot of people from all backgrounds , races and religions- I have loved a lot, and I have also been dumped a lot :)
Plus, I am really fascinated with people and their stories. Not in a gossipy way. I just find that every person is a whole new world that I am excited to discover.
Right now I am single- and happily so. I realized- better late than never - that rather than waiting for Prince Charming I should first become a Princess myself. You can't love anybody unconditionally, if first you don't love yourself unconditionally, and this is what I am learning to do.
Looking forward to hear from all of you..
Ciao
Cindy |
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| Latest articles: Devastation in Italy
This question has 2 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
26 August 2016: This has got nothing to do with romance or relationships or love- maybe with love for our fellow human beings, i.e. solidariety and compassion , so I hope that the mods will publish this regardless. On August 24th a devastating eartquak...
Ten best ways for a woman to be given her walking papers.
This question has 7 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
19 August 2014: Yeah I know : ultimately love is a mystery, not an exact science. There's always an element of sheer luck, of serendipity, of magic in it. Some times you do everything right, by the book, you are the perfect gf / wife / lover .. and you still get ...
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What is a reasonable frequency for spouse to go out drinking with friends?
Q. We r married with 3 kids. My wife has recently taken to going out with different groups of girls a lot - what I would consider to be too much. They always go to bars. She always comes home at 1 am or later drunk. I most ofen provide the babysitting ...
A. 4 April 2012: So she is going out with friends about once every ten days and to me it does not sound like a whirlwind social life, it's pretty reasonable. SOME time investment is necessary to maintain friendships, and it's not your wife's fault if you are a ... (read in full...)
I'm feeling replaced by my friend
Q. I am feeling replaced. So my best friend became friends with this other girl that I don't like but I thought well its not a big deal...yeah I think I've been replaced by this girl. My "best friend" said a month or so ago that she tells me everyth...
A. 4 April 2012: More than thinking too much into it, you are thinking about it the wrong way. Friendship is not like a monogamous marriage- it allows space for other people outside the couple, because each person is different and brings different things to your ... (read in full...)
How likely is it to get pregnant if you use condoms correctly?
Q. My boyfriend and I have been together for 2 years and we've both been wanting to have sex for awhile now but I am deathly afraid of getting preagnant and yes, we have condoms but I'm scared they'll fail and I can't get birth control because we have ...
A. 3 April 2012: Condoms break some times, even with optimal use.
If you are deathly afraid of getting pregnant, why can't you see an OB / GYN and get birth control ? Money reasons ? Save up - and abstain in the meantime :) A child would definitely cost you much... (read in full...)
How do I go about finding a girlfriend?
Q. How do you get a girlfriend? At 36 I feel I really missed out and I dont see anyone coming in the foreseeable future as I still live with my parents and rarely go out. I cannot afford my own place and everyone I know has a girlfriend before sharing ...
A. 3 April 2012: Maybe before worrying about getting a girlfriend you should worry about getting a life- a good life, a life that you can be proud of,that you can ENJOY and appreciate as it is, single or coupled. THEN , if you find the right person, she will be ... (read in full...)
Am I being immature by being affectionate in public, or is he being a poor boyfriend by being ashamed of me?
Q. Hi. My name is Leony, and my boyfriend's name is Roman. Roman and I ride the school bus together. When we're on our way to school, I like giving him little kisses almost all the while. Just yesterday, Roman told me that he thinks its immature if I'm ...
A. 3 April 2012: Yeah , but " having " a bf is not the same as having a rag doll or another inanimate object to fondle when you need to feel good , or to feel reassured. When you " have " a person, you should be able to find a way to express mutual affection ... (read in full...)
Four years of talking online but I still don't know his real name, or phone number
Q. Hi Users, Where do I begin?. I'll just write what comes I suppose. For four years I have been talking to a man online. We talk every day at least 3 to 4 times and sometimes more. We log onto MSN in the mornings, during breaks at work, after wor...
A. 3 April 2012: Pardon me, but to me it sounds weird that you have become best friends with , and you are planning to meet, someone about whom you know nothing. Nothing factual, nothing checkable : name, address, place of employement, status, etc. In 4 years ?? I ... (read in full...)
Am I being immature by being affectionate in public, or is he being a poor boyfriend by being ashamed of me?
Q. Hi. My name is Leony, and my boyfriend's name is Roman. Roman and I ride the school bus together. When we're on our way to school, I like giving him little kisses almost all the while. Just yesterday, Roman told me that he thinks its immature if I'm ...
A. 3 April 2012: Yes, you are being immature, and insecure, by requiring CONSTANT DPA and physical touch. I was writing it to another poster just yesterday : puppies, and babies, CONSTANTLY need to feel the warmth of another body to feel good, otherwise they'll ... (read in full...)
Am I being immature by being affectionate in public, or is he being a poor boyfriend by being ashamed of me?
Q. Hi. My name is Leony, and my boyfriend's name is Roman. Roman and I ride the school bus together. When we're on our way to school, I like giving him little kisses almost all the while. Just yesterday, Roman told me that he thinks its immature if I'm ...
A. 3 April 2012: Yes, you are being immature, and insecure, by requiring CONSTANT DPA and physical touch. I was writing it to another poster just yesterday : puppies, and babies, CONSTANTLY need to feel the warmth of another body to feel good, otherwise they'll ... (read in full...)
Girl is coming between my male friend and me...and I'm not sure what to do.
Q. So I think I've been in love with my best friend for a while and we tried a relationship a few years ago for a couple of weeks but it didn't work. I discussed it with him the other day and he said that I was like his sister, he could tell me ...
A. 2 April 2012: I think it's normal, particularly at your age, that a guy wants to spend more time, and communicate more confidentially and intimately with his girlfriend, than with a best female friend/ kid sister type of person !
And I would not scheme or guil... (read in full...)
A harmless crush? Or am I right to be upset by my wife's behaviour?
Q. OK. My spouse basically admitted that she has/or had a crush on one of our male friends. She says that I should be fine with it because she would never cheat on me. I told her that I find her affection for the guy, the way she looks at him, hangs ...
A. 2 April 2012: Uhm. I don't believe that " crushes are normal " and yet I belong to the " flirting is normal " kind of school.
Because they are two very separate things that originate from different psychological needs and attitudes.
Flirting is just banteri... (read in full...)
I'm in love with a guy who's half my age
Q. Hi. I'm a 54 yr old woman, who honestly looks about 35. I'm very blessed. I work out, and have always taken good care of myself. I place a personal ad, and hesistantly, responded to a 27 yr old. He and I have lots in common. We are both college ...
A. 2 April 2012: "So there ? " Would you like to add " nyah nyah nyah " ?:)
I was just giving you some scientific facts because I was under the impression you were tryng to conceive, and when you do it's always better to know the stats. If you belong to that luck... (read in full...)
I'm flying to meet my LDR fiance in three days and he has said he doesn't love me anymore!
Q. Hi, I'm 18 years old and I've been in a LDR with my german fiance (who's one month older than me) for 1 year and 5 months. We met for 3 times and spent one full week+2 weekends together in total. We were both virgins when we met but that changed. ...
A. 1 April 2012: Sigh....I won't even try to convince you that an engagement between two teenagers who have spent together all of , what, eleven days ? , can't be even called engagement , it's a more like a parody, or child play.
In fact, probably if I were your... (read in full...)
I'm in love with a guy who's half my age
Q. Hi. I'm a 54 yr old woman, who honestly looks about 35. I'm very blessed. I work out, and have always taken good care of myself. I place a personal ad, and hesistantly, responded to a 27 yr old. He and I have lots in common. We are both college ...
A. 1 April 2012: Not to rain on your parade, but even if at 54 you are still menstruating, that does not mean that at your age you could still conceive easily, or conceive at all, as for that. Statistically your chances are only 5 % :
Every woman at pube... (read in full...)
Do all men cheat if given the chance?
Q. Hmm, I'm getting a little cynical-do all men cheat (emotionally/physically) if they get the chance and don't think they'll get caught?? This is the impression I'm getting from DearCupid, from celebrities, from my friends, and I don't like it. I ...
A. 31 March 2012: We might also be biologically " wired " for polygamy, so what ? That means that maybe we are bound to feel attracted to different people, it does not mean that we HAVE to act upon that attraction.
It's quite a few centuries that nature take... (read in full...)
How long does it take to concieve after being on the depo shot
Q. I was wondering if anyone could share their experience after recieving the depo shot staying on it a few years and their ability to concieve afterwards. How long it took that kind of thing. My fiancee and i already have two young children and ...
A. 31 March 2012: I remember my OB / GYN telling me the same, after getting off the Depo shot it make take up to one year to be able to conceive. ... (read in full...)
My Friend will not associate with unattractive People, is this common?
Q. I'm 40, he's 22 and we've only been friends a short while. He's very intelligent - and I thought deep, until he told me that he doesn't associate with unattractive people because it badly reflects on him. He's heterosexual and his male friends ...
A. 31 March 2012: The OP's friend is taking a proper bashing, but...maybe he's not as bad as he sounds. I mean, come on, the guy is TWENTY, do you take him seriously. At that age they say a lot of stuff that in ten years they'll be ashamed to remember . All this ... (read in full...)
My Friend will not associate with unattractive People, is this common?
Q. I'm 40, he's 22 and we've only been friends a short while. He's very intelligent - and I thought deep, until he told me that he doesn't associate with unattractive people because it badly reflects on him. He's heterosexual and his male friends ...
A. 31 March 2012: The OP's friend is taking a proper bashing, but...maybe he's not as bad as he sounds. I mean, come on, the guy is TWENTY, do you take him seriously. At that age they say a lot of stuff that in ten years they'll be ashamed to remember . All this ... (read in full...)
I agreed to an open relationship, he said we'd talk about it once I was back off holiday but still no word....should I mention it?
Q. Ok, so I've been seeing this guy for the last six weeks. 4 and half weeks ago, he said he could only be in a relationship with me, if he had the chance to have sex with other women otherwise he wouldn't be happy in the relationship. so I said I ...
A. 30 March 2012: Dumb question probably, but , what does it mean " I could deal with it if I was there " ? Do you want to be physically present while he has sex with other women ?...
I think he's simply.. just not that into you. He does not want to be in a rela... (read in full...)
Would you spent a lot on a birthday gift for your partner if you received nothing for yours?
Q. Im curious to find out others opinions on this. Would you spent a considerable amount of money (over $400) on a birthday present for your boyfriend, if he did not get you anything for your birthday? (birthdays are few months apart). I know it isn't...
A. 30 March 2012: Uhm...honestly ? Probably not. I pride of counting generousity among my very few virtues, and of never giving so I can get back; if I give , it's for the pleasure of giving, so I should say yes. But...
But, from 0 to 400 there is a big dist... (read in full...)
Is it normal for guys to view porn together?
Q. Hey, I need some perspectives (esp. from guys) on whether guys viewing porn with their guy buddies is a normal thing or not! My bf is open about the fact he occasionally looks at porn sites, and I know he has downloaded videos in the past. He once ...
A. 30 March 2012: Thanks Cerberus but ,just in case, you are barking up the wrong tree : I don't think that men are just walking penises ready to get erect at the first hint of sex or nudity,and incapable of self control . ( Even if I have got the feeling that ... (read in full...)
Is it normal for guys to view porn together?
Q. Hey, I need some perspectives (esp. from guys) on whether guys viewing porn with their guy buddies is a normal thing or not! My bf is open about the fact he occasionally looks at porn sites, and I know he has downloaded videos in the past. He once ...
A. 30 March 2012: Oh good that you are on this thread Cerberus, maybe I can convince you to break boys code and spill the beans ?...What does happen , in practice, at porn " movies night " ? I've always been vaguely curious...
I'll explain . I only had one part... (read in full...)
I want to spend my life with her, Please help!
Q. where to begin.... i guess im really just looking for advice or even just to get things off my chest with an outside perspective. I guess i should tell you a bit about my situation. I met the woman of my dreams five years ago. we met on myspace.....
A. 30 March 2012: I think she has a point- you tried already 3 times and it never worked, maybe it's time to accept reality : love is never enough to keep two people together, let alone for the rest of their lives. It takes also other stuff,like compatible ... (read in full...)
I want to spend my life with her, Please help!
Q. where to begin.... i guess im really just looking for advice or even just to get things off my chest with an outside perspective. I guess i should tell you a bit about my situation. I met the woman of my dreams five years ago. we met on myspace.....
A. 30 March 2012: I think she has a point- you tried already 3 times and it never worked, maybe it's time to accept reality : love is never enough to keep two people together, let alone for the rest of their lives. It takes also other stuff,like compatible ... (read in full...)
Do men like to be chased first?
Q. Do men liked to be chased? When they're not calling and texting you is it because they do want to or they waiting for you to do it?...
A. 30 March 2012: In my experience, when they are really interested, they 'll act on it- and fast. They won't risk letting an important catch slip through their fingers.
If they let you do the chasing they are not interested or at least not terribly so.
Of course ,... (read in full...)
How should I propose?
Q. So I'm sure i found the love of my life. We've been friends since May of last year, and been dating since December. I know it's only been a short time but I know he's the one. I'm not one who ever wanted to get married but for some reason I want to ...
A. 30 March 2012: I've got a better idea.
Take out of the attic your old Barbie and have her propose to Ken. That will temporary quench your thirst for whirlwind romance and magic moments, and will avoid you looking delusional or pathetic.
I don't know the... (read in full...)
Why does my ex continue to try and hurt me?
Q. Why does he continue to try and hurt me? My ex and I split up several months ago he have children. It was I who ended it as he had not been a good partner. In the relationship there was no trust, there had been lies, he is an abusive man physical...
A. 30 March 2012: Ignore him, in fact, block him. Don't give him any way or mean to contact you . And stop worrying about how you could come across to him !
Your emotions may be all over the place, but seldom emotions are a reliable guide to valid decisisons. Use ... (read in full...)
Husband wants to have sex with other women and I'm about ready to end the marriage!
Q. lets make this short and simple......... my husband wants to be intimate with other women. but he wants to be with me. (or so he says) i dont want him to sleep with any one but me. im 39 wks pregnant and it hurts to be intimate. we used to b...
A. 29 March 2012: I am sorry you have to go through this while you are pregnant,it must be a terrible situation. I am afraid that my only advice could be : to thyne own self be true. It's often a lost battle tryng to control other people, the only person you can ... (read in full...)
Has a woman ever had you under a spell?
Q. So have you ever been under a woman's spell? I mean, have you ever been in a relationship with a woman whom you knew was bad for you, but you couldn't break away? I had this kind of relationship last year. A woman I was seeing had me under some...
A. 29 March 2012: I think, sooner or later, at some point in life, it happens to everybody .
But it's no magic spell. She is not a fairy nor a witch, and has no magic wand. I'd bet anything that , no matter how stunningly beautiful she is, there are hundreds of m... (read in full...)
Unexpected possible pregnancy, boyfriend doesn't want the child, I don't want to lose either!
Q. hi im a 22 year old lady with a 21 year old boyfriend, we had sex and the condom broke so we think i might be pregnant, this will be my first child and im looking foward to having it but he is telling me that he is not ready! What do i do because I ...
A. 29 March 2012: First, don't fret before having the result of your pregnancy test, you are not SURE yet you got pregnant.
Second, make up your mind, and stay true to yourself and to your values. If you REALLY do not support abortion and you hate it, then this... (read in full...)
She's the one who is getting him to cheat on me!
Q. the guy that i've had a crush on finally asked me out, we've been dating for almost a week. and i think he's cheating on me. he's been texting my friend ******** and she's always getting him horny. at first, she said she was happy for us both ...
A. 29 March 2012: Everybody makes their own luck. If you chose to believe to such a blatant bunch of crap, there's no lucky charm that can help you.
I used to work for a suicide prevention organization and hotline, and when you deal with suicide and self-harm thre... (read in full...)
What is the meaning behind my ex sending me a text "good luck with your life"?
Q. My ex just sent me a message saying "good luck with your life".We broke up two months ago, why is he contacting me?.When we broke up another time before that, he got intouch after a couple of months then too and he sent a message saying he hoped my ...
A. 29 March 2012: Ignore him. And move on. You broke up TWICE, that should tell you something. You don't want to get stuck into a neverending cycle of break-up/ make-up,I hope.... (read in full...)
Do I tell my best friend I'm pregnant by him?
Q. i ressonly lost my vaginaty to my best and oldest male freind (we have always been close and tell each other everything) i just found out that im pregnant do i tell him. we was waching dvds at mine drinking a bottle of wine with a takeaway we noram...
A. 29 March 2012: Of course you should ! It's also HIS baby , so is it very much his business too, whwther you decide to keep the baby and raise it together, or not.... (read in full...)
Is wearing a sheer or see thru bathing suit OK?
Q. My boyfriend (of many years) asked me to remove the lining from a couple of my bikini's, so that when we go to the beach they will be see through. I did this to one of my darker suits, the results being not too dramatic. More noticible on top, but ...
A. 29 March 2012: I come from a place where ALL the beaches ,kids or no kids, overflow with topless girls and brazilian thongs, no big deal. But.. a see-through bathing suit ? Eeewww. People would get offended ... in their esthetic sense :) They would call the ... (read in full...)
I wanted to lose my virginity to another virgin, but they are hard to find. Should I use a prostitute instead?
Q. Ok, so my situation is that I'm a virgin, and I always wanted to lose it to another virgin, but I'm almost 20 and girls like that are very hard to come by, this is very important for me, because I wanted to be able to be each other first. I kn...
A. 28 March 2012: What you got, from your behaviour, is that you gave witness of your values ( or the values you say you have ) with you own life. You believed in something and you acted accordingly,- exactly as it is supposed to be.
Values are values, not mean... (read in full...)
Do I tell my brother in law that his wife wasn't a virgin when they married?
Q. I just found out something and I'm not sure if I should keep to myself. My wife is the youngest of 3 daughters. Her next oldest sister just filed for divorce and is already dating and sleeping with men even though her divorce isn't final. My ...
A. 28 March 2012: Only if you are a Taliban. Apparently, they have a " virginity police " who makes their own business to stick their nose into people's virginities , or lack thereof.
If you are a free citizen of a free country, your SIL's sexual conduct, befo... (read in full...)
I wanted to lose my virginity to another virgin, but they are hard to find. Should I use a prostitute instead?
Q. Ok, so my situation is that I'm a virgin, and I always wanted to lose it to another virgin, but I'm almost 20 and girls like that are very hard to come by, this is very important for me, because I wanted to be able to be each other first. I kn...
A. 28 March 2012: Op, may I be blunt ?...I don't believe you, either you are bullshitting us, or you are a very confused young man with a very elastic ethic.
I mean, this virginity thing and why your first has to be a virgin and share your values...WHAT values ? Yo... (read in full...)
Is something going on between my B/f and his second cousin? What did those text messages mean?
Q. I’d like some input. I, begrudgingly, checked my boyfriend’s phone back in October because I had the strange feeling I couldn’t trust him. I found some text messages he had sent to his second cousin, but they were so obscure that I couldn’t tell for ...
A. 28 March 2012: I agree with person 12345, why one would bother keeping track of his second cousin's menstrual cycles !, and why would he ask her if anybody can see her phone. VERY fishy. ... (read in full...)
Wife's friend is dating her ex, and I overheard them talking about his penis. I'm not happy!
Q. Should I be pissed off or not. My wife's friend is really hitting on a guy who used to date my wife. I overheard them talking, and my wife said that this guy was a really nice guy. Will take her out to nice places, and buy her stuff. Then she said ...
A. 28 March 2012: It could be worse :) You could have have overheard your wife saying that her ex had the biggest dick she has ever seen, and that he was a god in bed. Now, THAT would have done for a nice plump fat retro-active jealousy thread on DC for the joy ( ... (read in full...)
I miss my ex terribly, should I try and get in touch?
Q. My ex and i have been broken up for two months. We were together about a year he is the one that broke it off just saying things weren't going to work and he didn't want to try anymore. I miss him terribly should i try to make contact? Even though ...
A. 27 March 2012: I don't quite understand what you mean by " he acts like he hates me ". So, are you still in contact with him ? Do you see him often, do you meet him socially ?...
If the answer is no , how would you know how he is acting .
Or, do you mean tha... (read in full...)
I think he behaved so badly as a defence mechanism...is he worth it anymore? Should I try to keep working on this?
Q. Am I trying too hard? Okay, I have major trust issues--so much to the point I never liked anyone who showed me too much affection, I saw it as clingy. Even though I'm very emotionally needy. Heard of abandoholism? Anyways, I finally decided to let ...
A. 27 March 2012: If you are a psychology buff, you'll know the famous Freud quote " sometimes a cigar is just a cigar "..:) Meaning, keep it real. Yes, we do live in an universe of signs and symbols, where every action has a conscious motivation AND a ... (read in full...)
Why aren't men more loyal "til death do us part"?
Q. I know that Shakespeare writes that man always has "one foot on shore and one on sea," although he says it more poetically, and he continues that women must say, "Hey nonny, nonny!" and try to accept man's nature. However, not to disagree with the ...
A. 27 March 2012: I don't think it's true. Maybe it was at the time of the bard, when women did not have really much choice other than hanging in there, whether they were happy or not. So it might have been more survival than loyalty.
Nowadays, I can't see that... (read in full...)
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![[?]BitterSweetFinale;[?] agony aunt](/avatars/7bb1e9ea-6c2f-43b8-a4f7-0635b7eff08c.png){kind=small}
