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... Send *indyCares a private message | | | *indyCares's profile:Hi everybody. I am an Italian woman currently living in Italy but I spent many years in England and USA. I hope my English is still decent but in case it got a little rusty, please be lenient.
My age ? Let say that I am way past the stage when you cry if the boy you like takes your best friend to the prom, and young enough to remember how awful that feels.
What qualifies me to help people- well, let me show off just a bit and mention that I studied Psychology 4 years in college, and, even if then I graduated in a different subject, I never lost my interest in psychology and kept reading a lot about this subject. Yet that does not really qualify me for anything because intellectual knowledge is not the same as real life experience. So let's say I feel I can advice people because I have lived a lot, travelled a lot, met a lot of people from all backgrounds , races and religions- I have loved a lot, and I have also been dumped a lot :)
Plus, I am really fascinated with people and their stories. Not in a gossipy way. I just find that every person is a whole new world that I am excited to discover.
Right now I am single- and happily so. I realized- better late than never - that rather than waiting for Prince Charming I should first become a Princess myself. You can't love anybody unconditionally, if first you don't love yourself unconditionally, and this is what I am learning to do.
Looking forward to hear from all of you..
Ciao
Cindy |
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| Latest articles: Devastation in Italy
This question has 2 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
26 August 2016: This has got nothing to do with romance or relationships or love- maybe with love for our fellow human beings, i.e. solidariety and compassion , so I hope that the mods will publish this regardless. On August 24th a devastating eartquak...
Ten best ways for a woman to be given her walking papers.
This question has 7 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
19 August 2014: Yeah I know : ultimately love is a mystery, not an exact science. There's always an element of sheer luck, of serendipity, of magic in it. Some times you do everything right, by the book, you are the perfect gf / wife / lover .. and you still get ...
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Is simply being in love enough?
Q. So I used to date this girl for 3 years , 2 of which were sort of long distance. During that time we had our ups and downs and broke up a few times and always got back together. a few months back we broke up for the last time and she moved back h...
A. 23 June 2012: Yeh maybe she is not over you.. and surely you are not over her... and everybody's wasting their time so somebody needs to put a stop to this " not being over " and that somebody might as well be you :).
Be reasonable, OP, you want to write to h... (read in full...)
Is simply being in love enough?
Q. So I used to date this girl for 3 years , 2 of which were sort of long distance. During that time we had our ups and downs and broke up a few times and always got back together. a few months back we broke up for the last time and she moved back h...
A. 22 June 2012: " As if I could not give her all that ". Well, but you actually cannot .Because you can't be with her.
She is doing what she's got to do, perhaps, and not what she wanted to do deep in her heart, but anyway she IS doing it, and I think you shou... (read in full...)
Is simply being in love enough?
Q. So I used to date this girl for 3 years , 2 of which were sort of long distance. During that time we had our ups and downs and broke up a few times and always got back together. a few months back we broke up for the last time and she moved back h...
A. 20 June 2012: I know you don't want to hear this, but if I were you, I'd move on.Like, today. She has already ,... or at least she is way ahead of you and I don't think you can catch up with her anymore.
This moving on might have costed her , you know ? she ... (read in full...)
Is simply being in love enough?
Q. So I used to date this girl for 3 years , 2 of which were sort of long distance. During that time we had our ups and downs and broke up a few times and always got back together. a few months back we broke up for the last time and she moved back h...
A. 9 June 2012: Yes, it makes perfect sense. Like you said, you live in another country and you are not doing anything to go and get her, so what can she do but going on with her life. She is leaving the door emotionally slightly open, in the off chance that you ... (read in full...)
Is simply being in love enough?
Q. So I used to date this girl for 3 years , 2 of which were sort of long distance. During that time we had our ups and downs and broke up a few times and always got back together. a few months back we broke up for the last time and she moved back h...
A. 31 May 2012: Eh yes, I am afraid I agree.
Letting go of something that gave so many exciting romantic moments is undoubtly hard. But, alas, there is not just " you and I " in a vacuum- a couple can't just exist and be happy forever just kissing and hold... (read in full...)
Do drunk people mean what they say?
Q. Hey everyone, So, I need to talk to someone and I have absolutely no one to confide in. This might be long, so thank you in advance for reading, I appreciate it so much. Me and this guy have been a "thing" for over two years, he's asked me to...
A. 31 May 2012: Of course not. Or, in fact, they do mean it in their booze fuelled hyperemotional altered state.... but once they are sober quite often they may have forgotten all about it, or remember it and feel totally ashamed about it.
You can only coun... (read in full...)
Subtle ways needed. Is there a way of bringing him round to my wish for slow lovemaking?
Q. I am very happy in my relationship. My partner and I enjoy our time together and have regular sex. But the problem is, it's always hard, fast sex, if you know what I mean! It's good and he drives me wild but sometimes I just want to 'make love' as...
A. 30 May 2012: What's wrong with bringing this up upfront ? Sex thrives on good communication, and some people are not very good at catching " hints ".
I don't think there is anything bitchy, demanding or diminishing for him, if you tell him exactly what you ... (read in full...)
I want to get in touch with this guy from the past but he is an enemy of my friends!
Q. There's this guy he used to really like me and was sort of a pysco as I didn't like him as I was young and wanted to explore other people, and we stopped talkin on bad terms, and now iregret it as it seems any other guy that I have got close with ...
A. 30 May 2012: You can value the opinions of your close mates, and still continue thinking with your own head and make the decisions which feel best for you.
My best friend since childhood is a staunch supporter of the local Marxist - Leninist party, - she ... (read in full...)
Do guys my age automatically expect sex?
Q. Hey there! So, I'm 18 and I'm getting ready to head off to college soon. Like most kids (I guess some would consider me a "young adult"?) my age, I've been pondering the possibilities of what the future might bring. This includes relationships and ...
A. 30 May 2012: Yes, for most guys it would be a deal breaker. Not surprisingly. You are the one who decided to stay abstinent indefinitely , based on your moral , religious values, not them. It does not make much sense to " wait " maybe 5 years or 10 or more ... (read in full...)
Is simply being in love enough?
Q. So I used to date this girl for 3 years , 2 of which were sort of long distance. During that time we had our ups and downs and broke up a few times and always got back together. a few months back we broke up for the last time and she moved back h...
A. 29 May 2012: Sorry, I had not seen your update before posting my answer.
Well, then, is a no go, I guess.
Regardless of the ping pong thing , and the systems she uses to pressure you- which do not bide well for the future of the r/ship.
The problem is ,... (read in full...)
Is simply being in love enough?
Q. So I used to date this girl for 3 years , 2 of which were sort of long distance. During that time we had our ups and downs and broke up a few times and always got back together. a few months back we broke up for the last time and she moved back h...
A. 29 May 2012: It sounds that the choices are limited, which is not bad, it leaves less room for confusion.
- Go no contact and move on ( I vote for that , to me it sounds like she has shipped out, even if she still feels wistful about the past ).
- Take all... (read in full...)
Is simply being in love enough?
Q. So I used to date this girl for 3 years , 2 of which were sort of long distance. During that time we had our ups and downs and broke up a few times and always got back together. a few months back we broke up for the last time and she moved back h...
A. 29 May 2012: Simply being in love is never enough -for many reasons, beside the presence of obstacles ,but that would be long to debate and not really relevant to your case.
Just let me stress that yes, exactly, when there are obstacles " being in love " me... (read in full...)
Still a Virgin at 28 years old and I want to get rid of it.
Q. I'm an attractive educated female and I'm about to turn 29 years old and I haven't had sex yet. Don't get me wrong, I've done everything but get penetrated. I was waiting till marriage but I have no prospects and I don't want this to be a problem ...
A. 29 May 2012: I am not tryng to be argumentative for the heck of it, I am honestly baffled by your question, there's something that I do not understand.
Why was it OK being a virgin at 27 or 28 but it would not be at 30 or 31 ?
I mean, you have remained... (read in full...)
What did my boss at the restaurant mean when he said "Clean the shaft too"? Was he hitting on me?
Q. Maybe it's just wishful thinking but I think my boss was coming on to me a couple of days ago. I work at a restaurant. I'm still kind of new to the place, only a few months in. I was cleaning near the latte machine and one of the spoons was dirty...
A. 28 May 2012: And even if it wasn't ?...
1) He is your boss 2 ) he is MARRIED 3) he is 24 years older than you.
Just clean those spoons- and keep it STRICTLY professional.... (read in full...)
Am I too heavy?
Q. I am just over 5"1 and weigh about 125-128 lbs. As a 20 year old girl, am I overweight? I feel like I am and am not very comfortable with my body. I can't tell if it is simply my own insecurities or if I truly am very overweight. I don't know if it ...
A. 28 May 2012: You are not overweight. Your BMI ( body mass index ) is approx. between 23.8 and 24.1 , which is " regular weight " ( overweight starts at 25 ).
If we use weight charts, for a medium frame they give as normal weight 118-129 . If you have a part... (read in full...)
Need some info and insight about having sex on a girl's period. Help?
Q. I'm in a real pickle about this one. My current girlfriend and I trust each other enough to have unprotected sex, and of course I get that feeling that I want to cum inside of her, although I can always control that urge. Me and her were talking ...
A. 28 May 2012: That, in theory. In practice, you can have all of a sudden a shorter cycle of, say, 19- 20 days after years or regular cycles, which will push back your ovulation to day 4-6 since the neginning of menstruation. Nobody is going to come and warn ... (read in full...)
Is there a chance that a virgin won't bleed on her first sex?
Q. I just had sex with a girl, younger than my age. She claims that she has never done anything like that before and was REALLY innocent on our first try, so do I. I know nothing in making a distinction between the virgin one and the experienced one. ...
A. 28 May 2012: It's certainly possible, quite a few women do not bleed their first time. Their hymen went broken during non sexual actitivities ( sports, falls,... ) Or, some have what is called a compliant hymen, very elastic, it yelds without tearing. Some ... (read in full...)
Why do girls cheat on their boyfriends?
Q. Do they do it because they are horny over another guy? I'm not trying to make it sound like guys don't cheat but I already know why guys cheat, because they're horny....
A. 27 May 2012: I am not so sure about the validity of your theory, " guys cheat because they are horny ".
If they are so horny, and they have girlfriends.. why don't they go being horny with their girlfriends then ?:)
I think it's impossible to pick one univ... (read in full...)
How do I make b/f understand that I shouldn't have to change for him?
Q. My boyfriend and I has some disagreement lately due to religious issues. I am a free thinker. He is quite involved in his religion. He expects me to be a vegetarian and to convert to his religion when we are married. He says this is so that I can ...
A. 27 May 2012: Lost battle. Because you want to reason with him, and apply the parameters of critical, rational , logical thinking to something that , for good and for bad, is totally beyond reason : faith.
As a non religious person, and a free thinker, mayb... (read in full...)
Would you date someone with scars from self-injury?
Q. Would you date someone with scars from self-injury? I recently went through a pretty rough period while I was far away from home at college, and I became so mentally worn that I resorted to cutting as a coping method. I know it's bad, and I kn...
A. 27 May 2012: Totally not true.
One of my best friends is a level headed, successful woman who also has a loving , happy marriage,- and several very pale streaks ( the scars fade in time ) which I always thought were stretch marks ( then again, yeah, stre... (read in full...)
He is a good husband but a womanizer!
Q. about 5 years ago my husband and i had been not intimate with each other because he was busy with his married gf but the affair stopped 2 years ago. he got another young gf after that and told me three months ago she was pregnant.he is a good ...
A. 27 May 2012: You'll kindly have to explain me how is he " a good husband but a womanizer ". These are mutually exclusive definitions, one of the irrenounceable traits which qualify a good husband , and a good marriage, is being faitfhul and not going ... (read in full...)
Ifeel like she expects us to take care of her baby!
Q. Hey everyone in need of some good and honest advice because im not really sure what to do or how to feel. So here goes... I have a 9 month old daughter and I have a friend with 4 kids being 6,5,2 and a 5 month old. Now she doesn't work and uses go...
A. 27 May 2012: I think that being generous is never wrong, regardless of the worthyness of the recipient. As long of course you don't have to deprive yourself for helping others out, or you don't have to go without to spoil other people .But in your case, you are ... (read in full...)
I get so crazy about his ex/past! Help!
Q. I know this is certainly an issue of insecurity and I so much hate this crappy feeling. Ok so I'm 18 and I got a boyfriend who's at the age of 31. We've been sailing smoothly for 2 years, age hasn't been a problem. I know that there's nothing ...
A. 27 May 2012: Profile stalking.... browsing his ex's pics... pestering bf with questions about his past sex life and "who is better " ( and for a one month fling !, nothing really momentous ) ... constant need for reassurance... then you say the age difference ... (read in full...)
I get so crazy about his ex/past! Help!
Q. I know this is certainly an issue of insecurity and I so much hate this crappy feeling. Ok so I'm 18 and I got a boyfriend who's at the age of 31. We've been sailing smoothly for 2 years, age hasn't been a problem. I know that there's nothing ...
A. 27 May 2012: Profile stalking.... browsing his ex's pics... pestering bf with questions about his past sex life and "who is better " ( and for a one month fling !, nothing really momentous ) ... constant need for reassurance... then you say the age difference ... (read in full...)
What can we do? Boyfriend wants to spend more time with me, should we compromise?
Q. This summer, I will have summer school three days a week and work on the other days. My work requires a minimum of 5 shifts so I will be very busy. Basically the most convenient way to spend time with my boyfriend is during my summer breaktime which ...
A. 26 May 2012: Well compromise is always a good thing, but in practice you are already compromising, you are basically giving all the free time you can muster, this 9 hours a week may not be much, yet they are hours you are reserving for him, not for going ... (read in full...)
Is it common for an uninterested married man to get hit on in a bar?
Q. OMG I am married and I got hit on at a bar today. It felt awful plus I had to chug a really expensive, very very good beer! This has never happened to me before but I don't go to bars very much. Is this common, to hit on guys that are wearing...
A. 26 May 2012: Oh I got hit on all the time when married ,sporting a ring, and carrying a load of hubby and kid pics in my wallet,lol. ( And in case you wonder why was I such a bar fly :)- I wasn't. I had evening classes some times, and at the end I'd go ... (read in full...)
If you love someone will you change for him?
Q. If someone expects you to change for him, is it love? If you love someone will you change for him? My boyfriend and I have been in disagreement recently. He expects me to understand his religion so that I can understand why he is a vegetarian a...
A. 26 May 2012: As Aunty Bim Bim says, it's a fine line.
I think it's normal and not disrespectful to want to expose you to his religion in the not so secret hope you may " take " to it.
If you strongly believed in something, a religious or political faith e... (read in full...)
I don't know the difference between a clitoral orgasm and a vaginal one
Q. This is a sex problem and I really don't want to be graphic but I need help all the same. I hope the moderators won't censor my question. I don't know the difference between a clitoral orgasm and a vaginal one. Whenever I've had orgasms from sex...
A. 26 May 2012: There's no difference. Freud thought there was , and his theories have heavily influenced the thinking and methodological approach to research of his contemporaries, and followers for years and years to come. But that was over 100 years ago. In ... (read in full...)
Is it possible to get it right the first time?
Q. I am seventeen and a few months into my first real relationship. Everything about it seems more perfect than even the most sticky-sweet fairy tale could possibly imagine but it terrifies me to think of it being really serious because it seems ...
A. 26 May 2012: It is possible. Not very common, it does not happen very often. But definitely, it can happen.... (read in full...)
Why would my b/f be happy if his ex had been pregnant but not me?
Q. My fiance and I were talking and the topic about babies came up. I would like to have a child soon, but he wants to wait. However, few months back when we were just dating and not engaged, his ex-gf had a prgnancy scare and it would have been his ...
A. 25 May 2012: Oh boy. I think- not sure, but I think - that what he meant ... well, is not very nice and you might have not got a winning ticket in the boyfriends's ruffle.
Probably he means, that being her an ex , he can / would basically walk away and don'... (read in full...)
Is it a turn off/negative thing for a male to be a virgin?
Q. Hello. Is there a limit on how long you should be a virgin? I'm a male, turning later this year. I've never had intercourse before! What worries me is if that will put off a potential partner down the road? I'm not sure if that's a negative ...
A. 25 May 2012: Ok, I can only tell you my opinion, for what is worth, it's not like I have extensive research backed up by hundred of cases.
It's not the virginity or lack of sexual experience that's a turn off, - it's the kind of personality that may have... (read in full...)
Is it a turn off/negative thing for a male to be a virgin?
Q. Hello. Is there a limit on how long you should be a virgin? I'm a male, turning later this year. I've never had intercourse before! What worries me is if that will put off a potential partner down the road? I'm not sure if that's a negative ...
A. 25 May 2012: Ok, I can only tell you my opinion, for what is worth, it's not like I have extensive research backed up by hundred of cases.
It's not the virginity or lack of sexual experience that's a turn off, - it's the kind of personality that may have... (read in full...)
Why do so many women want to try having sex with a big penis if size doesn't matter?
Q. Why do so many women want to try having sex with a big penis (like bigger than they've ever had before) if size doesn't matter? Why did men evolve big penises (length and girth) compared to other primates if size doesn't matter?...
A. 25 May 2012: And where did you take this bizarre notion from ? If you've got a couple of teenage friends who say stuff a ) to freshen the roof of their mouth b) to show off, act all vixenish and impress insecure , unexperienced guys , it does not mean ... (read in full...)
My mom found out I'm sexually active
Q. My mom found out that I have sex with my bf My bf n I are twenty years old. She is so mad I don't understand why if I'm using protection n I'm not pregnant ...
A. 24 May 2012: Maybe it's because of her religion . Maybe she hates your bf for some reason ( or, without any reason at all ). We really cannot know, only guess. Did you ask her ? " Mom, I am 20, and I have protected sex. Why are you so mad ? "... (read in full...)
Is it bad that a boyfriend asks her girlfriend to cook?
Q. I have a problem. I have a girlfriend of 2 years and 5 months and you see, she has a friend who has a boyfriend. Well I use to have a crush on her and now that I see her with him...it gets me jealous. I mean she let's me be 'Me' compared to my ...
A. 24 May 2012: And why do you normally ask " favours " , at your age ?? 18-21 , I bet you are strong and healthy , you can do stuff for yourself and by himself, and you should WANT to be able taking care of yourself !
I mean , of course, exceptionally, in a part... (read in full...)
Are my emotions boiling over because I have held in my emotions for so long?
Q. I tend to hide my emotions. I only want people to see the happy excited hyper energetic side of me. I hide my emotions becuase it seem like when I'm happy I make others happy. I hate to let people down so I try to be happy for the sake of ther ...
A. 24 May 2012: Yeah, but, are you sure that people WANT to see only the happy excited hyper energetic side of you ? all the time ?
You give your age as 22-25, if you were 13 maybe the main reaction would be " How cute , always so bubbly and hyper " but in your... (read in full...)
Is this fair?
Q. I know this not a relationship question, but I just want to know if I'm being treated unfairly. So my dad passed away not too long ago and I had to live with somebody else now, she took custody of me. She applied for a benefit so I can' get stuff ...
A. 24 May 2012: Eh darling, I am afraid it's fair. I am not much at current with the cost of living in USA, but all in all, if this person is fully supporting you for food, utilities,toiletries, transportation, maybe clothing too ?, she is spending more than just ... (read in full...)
Can you really be attracted to someone by their scent or is it just lust?
Q. Is it possible for 2 people to be attracted by their scent, or by their odor? I met this chick about 2 months ago and we really like each other, almost as if we're in love. This chick told me not too long ago that the first thing that attracted her ...
A. 23 May 2012: Yes, exactly. That's why we say that animals are in heat and not that they fall in love .
It's lust. It's physical , it's biochemical. I don't doubt it's very powerful, some scents are strongly aphrodisiac.
But from being turned on by each oth... (read in full...)
Ladies: I have some dating queries, please let me know what you think
Q. Hi, this is a post for the ladies (guys can def help too). I'm a guy and have been meeting the odd female here and there but I never actually get a formal relationship out of any of them. So I have been thinking of what may be the problem. It i...
A. 23 May 2012: Points of view, Maverick 494. I can't say oh no you are WRONG. Only that what feels weird and uncomfortable to you, sounds normal and comfortable to me ,for the reasons I just explained in my previous post . Also, etiquette and customs are never ... (read in full...)
Is it possible to be stuck with somebody?
Q. is it possible to be stuck with somebody? is my question to you guys. ive been with a guy for 5 yrs and we are going no where in life. im getting my life together on my own i just recently got my GED and im 3 classes shy away from getting my a...
A. 23 May 2012: Of course not, in fact I am not even sure I understood your question, because it does not make sense . If people would get stuck with a partner because they have met his family, then there would be no divorces and no break ups ever . Once you met ... (read in full...)
Do I explain to my ex why I deleted him from my facebook?
Q. This is a long story, I will try to condense it... Split with my ex in December. We were together almost 4 years. In that time we were long distance 50% of the time due to me being in Uni. I visited him every holiday. He visited me once, begrudgi...
A. 23 May 2012: Perfect,OP.Atta girl. You could not have said it better. You are finding difficult moving on because moving on IS difficult, and because you feel like he had the upper hand, he "won " somehow. But it's not true : you won. You've got your precious ... (read in full...)
Do I explain to my ex why I deleted him from my facebook?
Q. This is a long story, I will try to condense it... Split with my ex in December. We were together almost 4 years. In that time we were long distance 50% of the time due to me being in Uni. I visited him every holiday. He visited me once, begrudgi...
A. 22 May 2012: OP, in all your considerations about the hows and whys of his sudden passion for travels, you have forgotten the simplest , and most probable, option:
he lied.
Have you ever had among your friends some girl that could not get her bf to marry he... (read in full...)
Ladies: I have some dating queries, please let me know what you think
Q. Hi, this is a post for the ladies (guys can def help too). I'm a guy and have been meeting the odd female here and there but I never actually get a formal relationship out of any of them. So I have been thinking of what may be the problem. It i...
A. 22 May 2012: So, Cerberus, do you get a real thrill out of debating things passionately ? Don't tell me, what a surprise;... who could have believed that,lol.
( The Armani Code IS rather a surprise- lovely scent, one of my favourites, but... a bit metr... (read in full...)
How do I turn my FWB relationship into a real relationship?
Q. i have a fuck buddy who i have been shagging for a year, we started seeing each other few years ago then he said i dont want a relationship. we have mutual friends that do not know we are fb weve have known each other 9yrs and always ask our mutual ...
A. 22 May 2012: Well, at least he has been sincere. So many FWBs would give you the runaround and keep you hanging, using the most imaginative excuses about why you have to be just FWBs, but if only they could divorce / relocate / find a new job / pigs would fly, ... (read in full...)
Do I explain to my ex why I deleted him from my facebook?
Q. This is a long story, I will try to condense it... Split with my ex in December. We were together almost 4 years. In that time we were long distance 50% of the time due to me being in Uni. I visited him every holiday. He visited me once, begrudgi...
A. 22 May 2012: Don't be so wishy-washy :). Have you decided , firmly and finally, that this person is toxic for you or,anyway, you don't need him in your life and you are better off with him? Are you committed to make a clean break and move on ? Then, DO it. No ... (read in full...)
I'm immature and everyone hates me!
Q. I am 15 years old and I feel like I am immature. I am very talkative and annoying. It seems like everyone hates me because of it. How can I be more mature? Thanks :)...
A. 22 May 2012: First of all, congratulations for even posting the question. I think that a 15 y.o girl who admits the possibility of not being mature and having to improve under that aspect, is MORE mature of all those 15 y.o. girls who write us " Oh I can do ... (read in full...)
Ladies: I have some dating queries, please let me know what you think
Q. Hi, this is a post for the ladies (guys can def help too). I'm a guy and have been meeting the odd female here and there but I never actually get a formal relationship out of any of them. So I have been thinking of what may be the problem. It i...
A. 22 May 2012: 1)Yes, the guy pays on a first date. If she is a well behaved girl, though, she'll offer to split the bill ( knowing that you are supposed to say : no way ! ) or to pay for desserts, or for after dinner drinks ( that, you can let her do it ).
2... (read in full...)
Ladies: I have some dating queries, please let me know what you think
Q. Hi, this is a post for the ladies (guys can def help too). I'm a guy and have been meeting the odd female here and there but I never actually get a formal relationship out of any of them. So I have been thinking of what may be the problem. It i...
A. 22 May 2012: 1)Yes, the guy pays on a first date. If she is a well behaved girl, though, she'll offer to split the bill ( knowing that you are supposed to say : no way ! ) or to pay for desserts, or for after dinner drinks ( that, you can let her do it ).
2... (read in full...)
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