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... Send *indyCares a private message | | | *indyCares's profile:Hi everybody. I am an Italian woman currently living in Italy but I spent many years in England and USA. I hope my English is still decent but in case it got a little rusty, please be lenient.
My age ? Let say that I am way past the stage when you cry if the boy you like takes your best friend to the prom, and young enough to remember how awful that feels.
What qualifies me to help people- well, let me show off just a bit and mention that I studied Psychology 4 years in college, and, even if then I graduated in a different subject, I never lost my interest in psychology and kept reading a lot about this subject. Yet that does not really qualify me for anything because intellectual knowledge is not the same as real life experience. So let's say I feel I can advice people because I have lived a lot, travelled a lot, met a lot of people from all backgrounds , races and religions- I have loved a lot, and I have also been dumped a lot :)
Plus, I am really fascinated with people and their stories. Not in a gossipy way. I just find that every person is a whole new world that I am excited to discover.
Right now I am single- and happily so. I realized- better late than never - that rather than waiting for Prince Charming I should first become a Princess myself. You can't love anybody unconditionally, if first you don't love yourself unconditionally, and this is what I am learning to do.
Looking forward to hear from all of you..
Ciao
Cindy |
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| Latest articles: Devastation in Italy
This question has 2 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
26 August 2016: This has got nothing to do with romance or relationships or love- maybe with love for our fellow human beings, i.e. solidariety and compassion , so I hope that the mods will publish this regardless. On August 24th a devastating eartquak...
Ten best ways for a woman to be given her walking papers.
This question has 7 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
19 August 2014: Yeah I know : ultimately love is a mystery, not an exact science. There's always an element of sheer luck, of serendipity, of magic in it. Some times you do everything right, by the book, you are the perfect gf / wife / lover .. and you still get ...
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Its all a bit of a mess really and I don't know what to do
Q. I've been with my current girlfriend now, for, we both reckon, at least 2 years now. We never really both recall the exact date our relationship began, but it doesn't overly matter to us. At first, it was nice. I like how we started out (wit...
A. 18 July 2012: Personally,probbaly I would not even bother with the last ditch effort, I'd just colour her gone. And why the last ditch effort, to make something work... that never worked that much to begin with. ? I don't know, but if you ask me, when it's all a ... (read in full...)
I find it it weird and disgusting that my mom posted an old pic on Facebook, of her breastfeeding me while I was a toddler!
Q. My mom posted an old pic of her breastfeeding me while I was a toddler on facebook. What should i do? I logged in on facebook today and saw on my home page that my mom had uploaded that pic. The pic was not in her album but on some facebook pa...
A. 23 June 2012: Breastfeeding is not weird , it's a very normal, natural and healthy thing. Aren't you overreacting a bit ? I could understand your embarassment if your mom had posted that pic for the heck of it, just to show her boobs on the net, or to show ... (read in full...)
Is simply being in love enough?
Q. So I used to date this girl for 3 years , 2 of which were sort of long distance. During that time we had our ups and downs and broke up a few times and always got back together. a few months back we broke up for the last time and she moved back h...
A. 23 June 2012: Yeh maybe she is not over you.. and surely you are not over her... and everybody's wasting their time so somebody needs to put a stop to this " not being over " and that somebody might as well be you :).
Be reasonable, OP, you want to write to h... (read in full...)
So please tell me, what could my ex be thinking based on his behaviour?
Q. my boyfriend broke up with me about a month ago (he said he couldnt commit to a relationship right now what with ridiculous work hours and other commitments) which was understandable- the break up happened after we had an argument about these issues ...
A. 23 June 2012: I actually think you have been pretty smart in refusing to stay friends at least for the time being. It's pointless , and impossible, to stay friends with someone you are still in love with, it's an unnecessary torture and will prevent you from ... (read in full...)
Its all a bit of a mess really and I don't know what to do
Q. I've been with my current girlfriend now, for, we both reckon, at least 2 years now. We never really both recall the exact date our relationship began, but it doesn't overly matter to us. At first, it was nice. I like how we started out (wit...
A. 23 June 2012: It does not sound so messy to me, IMO it's pretty straightforward. You went off her for some reason, or for no reason at all- i.e. the reason being probably that you are both young and that young people get infatuated and they take this ... (read in full...)
I'm ashamed of how angry I got when I found duplicates of text messages to me sent to other women!
Q. Dear Cupid, I been seeing a man in USA and I am in Canada about 6 months. We were having everyother weekend together. I just spent 3 beautiful days with him. I thought we were falling inlove, While sleeping somehow he hit me with his...
A. 23 June 2012: I notice that you say " he knew I was seeing only him " , rather than " we had agreed to be exclusive ". That makes me think that perhaps you've worked too much on assumptions , or taken the r/ship for more stable and solid than it was after 6 ... (read in full...)
1st date and he forgot his wallet and now I'm turned off
Q. I'm in my late twenties. I m very much financially independent as I own my business and I do pretty well with it. Why I m telling this about myself before I start my story just to show that I'm not at all need any kind of financial support from any...
A. 23 June 2012: I agree with Code Warrior. If you are turned off, you are turned off, why making special efforts to turn yourself on again. It's not as if you have to date because of doctor's orders . You set your standards , and you date if there 's someone who ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend wants me to say 'thank you' for everything he does for me!
Q. My boyfriend has make so uncomfortable lately, everytime he brings me out to eat he always wants a thank you right away. he treats me like a uneducated person who doesnt know how to thank people when things are done or given to them. i always say ...
A. 23 June 2012: Have you talked to him about this disparity of treatment ?( he can touch your stuff but you can't touch his ). Again, if he wants from you a courtesy that he is not showing you first, then that's wrong and he needs to correct it. But he needs ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend wants me to say 'thank you' for everything he does for me!
Q. My boyfriend has make so uncomfortable lately, everytime he brings me out to eat he always wants a thank you right away. he treats me like a uneducated person who doesnt know how to thank people when things are done or given to them. i always say ...
A. 22 June 2012: If he demands from you a courtesy that he's not showing to you first, then you are obviously right. You could ask him why he expects from you things that he is not going to reciprocate.
For the rest , I am afraid that I don't see it your way . On... (read in full...)
My boyfriend wants me to say 'thank you' for everything he does for me!
Q. My boyfriend has make so uncomfortable lately, everytime he brings me out to eat he always wants a thank you right away. he treats me like a uneducated person who doesnt know how to thank people when things are done or given to them. i always say ...
A. 22 June 2012: What's wrong with thanking for a glass of water or for passing the remote ...?
It is automatic. You want something, you say please. They give you something, or do something for you, you say thanks. What's so strange about it ?
Maybe your bf ... (read in full...)
I'm ashamed of how angry I got when I found duplicates of text messages to me sent to other women!
Q. Dear Cupid, I been seeing a man in USA and I am in Canada about 6 months. We were having everyother weekend together. I just spent 3 beautiful days with him. I thought we were falling inlove, While sleeping somehow he hit me with his...
A. 22 June 2012: In partial disagreement with Aunty Em, I don't think that getting mad at someone , and particularly in a case like this when there' s no official relationship and you just "thought " you both were falling in love- should involve physically ... (read in full...)
Is getting pregnant at 15 the right thing to do?
Q. Well, im 15... And me and my boyfriend have been together for 9 months, now heres my issue, when we hit a year... My boyfriend wants a BABY..... Okay look, I absoulutly ADORE babies, I LOVE them. And I have no problem with pregnancy at this age.... ...
A. 22 June 2012: How could it possibly be a good idea ? It's so NOT a good idea that's even illegal ! ( you may not have a problem with getting pregnant at 15 , but the law of your country does ; if he gets you pregnant at 15 he commits statutory rape. If I were ... (read in full...)
Boyfriend coming home to look after me, but...
Q. My boyfriend lives and works overseas and he comes home every 6 weeks or so. The last week I have been very ill and have spent two non-consecutive nights in hospital. He's coming back this weekend to take care of me. His condition, however, is for ...
A. 22 June 2012: Without knowing what illness you've got and how serious it is, I may be off the mark. But the fact that you mention feeling scared at night, and the very fact that your bf put conditions for coming back and taking care of you, makes me think ... (read in full...)
I'm really jealous when my girlfriend goes out with her girl mate!
Q. Hey I don't like to think I'm the jealous type but since i've been with my new girlfriend i've been getting really jealous when she goes out with her girl mate, I wouldn't be bothered if I lived near her and seen her often but I don't get to see h...
A. 22 June 2012: Maybe she is going out with me :).
I can't stand people who live chained to their cell phones, and I think ( I KNOW actually ) it's extremely rude to engange in text conversations with person A when you are out with person, or persons, B. If you ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend is controlling! Help!
Q. my boyfriend is controlling! hi me and my boyfriend has been together for about 4months and so far so good/bad. he gives me a cut off time to talk to my guy friends. only at 6pm. he tells me when i may do anything. but when it comes to sex oh hes ...
A. 22 June 2012: Oh please. People manage to get out of marriages that lasted 20 or 30 years ( involving children, in -laws , shared friends etc... ) and you can't get out of 4 months of dating because it would be awkward ?
If you'll stay with a controlling guy,... (read in full...)
Is simply being in love enough?
Q. So I used to date this girl for 3 years , 2 of which were sort of long distance. During that time we had our ups and downs and broke up a few times and always got back together. a few months back we broke up for the last time and she moved back h...
A. 22 June 2012: " As if I could not give her all that ". Well, but you actually cannot .Because you can't be with her.
She is doing what she's got to do, perhaps, and not what she wanted to do deep in her heart, but anyway she IS doing it, and I think you shou... (read in full...)
The only way I see us being together is if she quits her job as a prostitute!
Q. I met a prostitute 2 months ago, when I went to see one - I knew I was taking a risk. Now, I am not so sure, she is a wonderful girl, she's Hungarian, but 2 other girls work from the same flat as she does, and the one that speaks the best Eng...
A. 22 June 2012: You may find it easier if you stay away from professional sex workers and limit yourself to people that offer their bodies for love ( or lust ) ,not for money.... (read in full...)
Lost virginity to two Malaysian hookers. Should I feel bad?
Q. I am in the navy and am 21 years old. When i was in Malaysia a couple years back, me and my friends were partying at a club in downtown Kuala Lumpur. We were all drinking and getting pretty drunk. Then late into the night, the club started to ...
A. 22 June 2012: Yes, I think most girls would be definitely turned off.
I don't see though why you'd had to bring it up either with them or with family and friends. Your sex life is a private matter,- or do you tell all your cousins ,uncles, etc. every time... (read in full...)
I want to ensure my long term relationship will last. So what are your thoughts on my theories on what might work?
Q. this is a question going out to all the ladies out there who are in love with their partner. 1) do you prefer your partner to be more dominating/controlling in the relationship or 2) do you prefer them to be more distant and less controlling,...
A. 21 June 2012: Personally I do not fit in your theory , I would never have and never had a relationship with a man who is overly controlling, because I could not be attracted to him and/ or fall in love in the first place, so I would not accept having a ... (read in full...)
My friend wants to bring another girl on holiday with us, I have a bad feeling about this girl and don't want her to come, but I don't want to lose my friend either! What should I do?
Q. I have a friend, let’s call her Laura, who I have known since we were 4 years old. She is a lovely person, but is also a people pleaser to the extent that she lets others completely walk all over her on a regular basis. She lets people treat her ...
A. 21 June 2012: What ? A clandestine hotel guest ? That settles it for you, tell Laura that no way you are going to get along with this ridicolous plan. I don't even know if that would be legal in the place where you are going ( in my country it would not be, ... (read in full...)
I accidentally found out that my daughter in law & family do not like me. What do I do now?
Q. This afternoon I had my 10 year old grandson (my son's son)and I took a wrong turn in the car at a junction. He panicked thinking we were going to his other grannys (his mum's mum). On gently questioning him he told me that it would be a bad idea ...
A. 21 June 2012: So apparently your daughter-in-law 's grandmother does not like you.... Is that a problem ?....
I mean, maybe also your hairstylist's cousin does not like you, or your mailman's uncle. One just can't be universally liked. Do you HAVE to care... (read in full...)
Boyfriend doesn't acknowledge when I say things
Q. I've been dating a wonderful man for 6 months. I've never had a relationship go this smoothly ever. There are only two issues: one huge and one small. The huge one is he can't sustain an erection enough for us to have sex. Although this is a huge ...
A. 21 June 2012: Oh I hear you ,I have been married to a man like that. " I met your cousin today ". Silence. Again : " I met your cousin today ". Again silence . Third try , in a lightly higher voice " I said I met your cousin today " " I know. I heard you the ... (read in full...)
Is simply being in love enough?
Q. So I used to date this girl for 3 years , 2 of which were sort of long distance. During that time we had our ups and downs and broke up a few times and always got back together. a few months back we broke up for the last time and she moved back h...
A. 20 June 2012: I know you don't want to hear this, but if I were you, I'd move on.Like, today. She has already ,... or at least she is way ahead of you and I don't think you can catch up with her anymore.
This moving on might have costed her , you know ? she ... (read in full...)
Do you think what he's doing is ok?
Q. My bf doesn't always tell me when he's been going out for drinks after work with co-workers or to the bar with his buddies. I thought he was open about everything (I've never given him trouble about going for drinks) but apparently there are some ...
A. 20 June 2012: I think you have to tackle this from a step before, i.e. deciding if you are Ok with what he is : a charmer, a ladies'man,.. and what he does : flirting and switching on the charm just for fun.
Some people are like that- they like to be liked, and ... (read in full...)
We're fighting alot, starting college in the fall and I'm afraid he's going to find someone else
Q. My boyfriend and I are going to be starting college this August. We have been together for four months now.It seems like we are always fighting or I am always pissing him off. It seems like he only wants me for my body, although he claims this to be ...
A. 20 June 2012: Dump him. Fear is the other face of hope , they say, so maybe part of you HOPES you'll find someone more suitable in college. Better breaking up than cheating, so...
Anyway, it's not clear to me why you are hesitating. Time is on your side, at 1... (read in full...)
He wants to have sex but I know he's a cheater
Q. am 17 and my boyfriend want to have sex with me and I know his a cheater but he don't admit it and he always tell me that he don't want to lose me but I don't believe him and he don't want me to touch his cell-phone, do he really love me? ...
A. 20 June 2012: No. You say you KNOW he is a cheater. So, if he is cheating on you , he clearly does not love you.
Maybe you don't have or you can't get actual proof that he is cheating. But it's still and always a bad idea to have sex with a man you don't trus... (read in full...)
Is this considered cheating? Help!
Q. Hi, Need help. Is this considered cheating? My fiance and I are 3 months away from the BIG day. I'm 29 and he's 38. Never married and no kids. We're having a coed bechalor/bechalorette party in Las Vegas. We're best friends so we figured i...
A. 20 June 2012: I 'd still call the wedding off for the time being and think long and hard if I really KNOW this guy and want to be with him. Because if he really,sincerely believes what he said about who starts first and who gives kisses or receives kisses.... ... (read in full...)
I saw noticed my girl check out another guy, should I be worried?
Q. I saw noticed my girl check out another guy, should i be worried? Ok lets put it into perspective, yes iv checked out other girls, but not infront of her, difference is i dont 'want' or 'feel' the need to be with these other girls, i just lo...
A. 19 June 2012: Sure. We like human beauty too. If there's something out there that's visually outstanding, it will catch my eye, sort of authomatically , whether it's a man, or a woman, or a horse. No drooling, no ogling though :). Just looking.... (read in full...)
Is this considered cheating? Help!
Q. Hi, Need help. Is this considered cheating? My fiance and I are 3 months away from the BIG day. I'm 29 and he's 38. Never married and no kids. We're having a coed bechalor/bechalorette party in Las Vegas. We're best friends so we figured i...
A. 19 June 2012: Call the wedding off. This guy may be 38 but thinks like 18. Of course if he kisses another's woman breasts is cheating !- and he believes that too himself, since he would be upset if a male stripper would kiss your breasts, or if you should ... (read in full...)
Is this the right mindset?
Q. I'm not too into relationships. In fact, I don't even think I mind if I never have another relationship again. After my last relationship with a girl I dated for 3 years, I'm not too eager to jump back into one. I find myself not attracted to the ...
A. 19 June 2012: OP, I get what you mean and I do not disagree at all. Physical attraction IS very important,- the physical and the mental are just like the two sides of a paper sheet - they go together , and they MAKE the paper sheet what it is, a one-sided ... (read in full...)
I make excuses even to myself about my boyfriend!
Q. Hi, I'm new here and don't really know how this works but I really wish to talk to somebody about a problem I have, I'm so sad about it and I hope that someone on here can help me! :) I am seeing this guy, he's 33 and I'm 21. He said that he as ...
A. 19 June 2012: Ok, it might be a bit off thread but I have to say something about this fork debate .
You MUST keep the fork in your left. Why do you think they'd set tables with the fork on the left of the plate and the knife on the right ? Because , when... (read in full...)
This girl seems crazy to me. How do I tell my friend he is making a mistake?
Q. How do i tell my friend he is making a mistake. He met this girl and within i guess three weeks she is telling him she is in love and that god sent him to her. I know prior to this she was with three of his friends i just think she is crazy and he ...
A. 19 June 2012: Well, you can't exactly tell him : your new gf is crazy, if you want to stay friends. You have to convey your perplexity using a very light touch, something along the lines of " Mmmm...your new story is going rather fast, how do you feel about it ... (read in full...)
I'm unemployed so he wants to delay marriage. Does he have a point or should I get out before my heart's broken?
Q. My boyfriend and I have talked about marriage but he recently started using the fact that I don't have a job to not to get engaged or even move in I understand his worry about money but it seems money is more important than our relation...
A. 19 June 2012: He has an excellent point. Easy for you to say " all that counts is love " - YOU are the unemployed one who is not bringing income home. Unless he already is so filthy rich that being the sole provider for an undetermined period of time is ... (read in full...)
Should I tell my friend what I really think about her wedding dress?
Q. A good friend of mine is marrying my cousin...I have known her for 29 years and I am in the wedding party which is taking place in Cuba. I recently just returned from a destination wedding myself so I have a good idea as to what works and what d...
A. 19 June 2012: So she cried when she tried on the second dress ?...
Eh, you see : you are the voice of reason. But the regal dress calls to her heart. Head vs. heart, as so often it happens in love matters... only, this time she can safely follow the voice of h... (read in full...)
Is this the right mindset?
Q. I'm not too into relationships. In fact, I don't even think I mind if I never have another relationship again. After my last relationship with a girl I dated for 3 years, I'm not too eager to jump back into one. I find myself not attracted to the ...
A. 19 June 2012: I think so . Settling at 24 ? What for ? what's the rush ?
But, I would definitely cut the drama. " Rejections.... ambitions and motivations crushed so often ". Haven't you ever thought that they are doing the very same thing you are doing ? I.... (read in full...)
Uncertain of ex's intentions!
Q. Uncertain of ex s intentions? I broke up with the father of my 2 kids in jan, we'd had a strained relationship for many yrs, due to the fact that he is immature and a bad boy. Although at 42 he would binge drink with mates at wk ends take drugs ...
A. 19 June 2012: They say " beware of what you wish for, you might get it "- it sounds like this is your case. You could not make him committ... and now he wants to marry you. But, do you really want to marry a perennial immature bad boy into drugs and binge ... (read in full...)
Should I tell my friend what I really think about her wedding dress?
Q. A good friend of mine is marrying my cousin...I have known her for 29 years and I am in the wedding party which is taking place in Cuba. I recently just returned from a destination wedding myself so I have a good idea as to what works and what d...
A. 18 June 2012: Let her be , and let her wear what she wants. And if you can't say anything nice,..don't say anything. If she likes her choice and she thinks it suits her fine, she won't return it just to make you happy - but, she will be secretly mortified by ... (read in full...)
Ex and her family are acting wierd! Why me? Why, must I endure the confusion?
Q. Hi. I'm very confused in the behavior of my ex girlfriend and her family, in general. I stopped talking to her/being her friend, because I feel she isn't worth keeping in my life, any more. And, I also needed to do something for ME, so I could ...
A. 18 June 2012: You are way way overthinking this. Why would your ex 's family should gang up on you ? Who are they, the Sopranos?...
They are acting neither dominant nor submissive, they simply don't like you that much, for the simple fact that you stopped talk... (read in full...)
Can feelings of love develop or should they already have?
Q. Hi, I've been with my boyfriend for 6 months and see him every couple of weeks due to distance and we've been on holidays together. We had a talk about feelings and he told me he has feelings for me but doesn't love me but wants us to stay toget...
A. 18 June 2012: Uhm. In love there are no timetables and no "should ", true.... on the other hand ,after 6 months " I have feelings and I want us to be together " sounds much the equivalent of " I am biding my time, and enjoying the sex and the company until I ... (read in full...)
He said he's into me 'just for the sex'...so why won't he get it on with me?
Q. I have a question concerning my ex. We broke up 15 yrs ago. He was always my 'one that got away'. We got back in contact accidentally in december. We emailed back and forth, and he began to turn it sexual. Only subtly, nothing heavy. We exchanged ...
A. 18 June 2012: Maybe he knows that for YOU it's not just sex, and if you are so intense and full on before having sex, imagine after !
No way you'd keep it light and breezy and " I'll see you when I see you ". So, he is either being a nice guy, that does not ... (read in full...)
The only way I see us being together is if she quits her job as a prostitute!
Q. I met a prostitute 2 months ago, when I went to see one - I knew I was taking a risk. Now, I am not so sure, she is a wonderful girl, she's Hungarian, but 2 other girls work from the same flat as she does, and the one that speaks the best Eng...
A. 18 June 2012: OP, really.... where do you live ?? In a fairytale book ?
Unluckily, it's a very sad thing, but there are thousands and thousands women who have to leave behind their kids. Why ? FOR MONEY: TO FEED THOSE KIDS.
In Italy we have around & millio... (read in full...)
I want to take a break to work on things! Should I?
Q. Ok so I have been with partner for 6 now. We have lived to tether for a little more than 5. About 2 years ago she was unfaithful, when I found out was devastated, hurt, and angry. I couldn't understand why she did it. Well I forgave her, and went ...
A. 18 June 2012: My advice is : be brave, woman up and pull the plug. Definitely. This is not working, and what you call " love " is anything but. It may be emotional addiction, it may be insecurity, it may be a lot of neurotic stuff- but it's not love, at least ... (read in full...)
Is simply being in love enough?
Q. So I used to date this girl for 3 years , 2 of which were sort of long distance. During that time we had our ups and downs and broke up a few times and always got back together. a few months back we broke up for the last time and she moved back h...
A. 9 June 2012: Yes, it makes perfect sense. Like you said, you live in another country and you are not doing anything to go and get her, so what can she do but going on with her life. She is leaving the door emotionally slightly open, in the off chance that you ... (read in full...)
Is simply being in love enough?
Q. So I used to date this girl for 3 years , 2 of which were sort of long distance. During that time we had our ups and downs and broke up a few times and always got back together. a few months back we broke up for the last time and she moved back h...
A. 31 May 2012: Eh yes, I am afraid I agree.
Letting go of something that gave so many exciting romantic moments is undoubtly hard. But, alas, there is not just " you and I " in a vacuum- a couple can't just exist and be happy forever just kissing and hold... (read in full...)
Is simply being in love enough?
Q. So I used to date this girl for 3 years , 2 of which were sort of long distance. During that time we had our ups and downs and broke up a few times and always got back together. a few months back we broke up for the last time and she moved back h...
A. 29 May 2012: Sorry, I had not seen your update before posting my answer.
Well, then, is a no go, I guess.
Regardless of the ping pong thing , and the systems she uses to pressure you- which do not bide well for the future of the r/ship.
The problem is ,... (read in full...)
Is simply being in love enough?
Q. So I used to date this girl for 3 years , 2 of which were sort of long distance. During that time we had our ups and downs and broke up a few times and always got back together. a few months back we broke up for the last time and she moved back h...
A. 29 May 2012: It sounds that the choices are limited, which is not bad, it leaves less room for confusion.
- Go no contact and move on ( I vote for that , to me it sounds like she has shipped out, even if she still feels wistful about the past ).
- Take all... (read in full...)
Is simply being in love enough?
Q. So I used to date this girl for 3 years , 2 of which were sort of long distance. During that time we had our ups and downs and broke up a few times and always got back together. a few months back we broke up for the last time and she moved back h...
A. 29 May 2012: Simply being in love is never enough -for many reasons, beside the presence of obstacles ,but that would be long to debate and not really relevant to your case.
Just let me stress that yes, exactly, when there are obstacles " being in love " me... (read in full...)
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