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... Send *indyCares a private message | | | *indyCares's profile:Hi everybody. I am an Italian woman currently living in Italy but I spent many years in England and USA. I hope my English is still decent but in case it got a little rusty, please be lenient.
My age ? Let say that I am way past the stage when you cry if the boy you like takes your best friend to the prom, and young enough to remember how awful that feels.
What qualifies me to help people- well, let me show off just a bit and mention that I studied Psychology 4 years in college, and, even if then I graduated in a different subject, I never lost my interest in psychology and kept reading a lot about this subject. Yet that does not really qualify me for anything because intellectual knowledge is not the same as real life experience. So let's say I feel I can advice people because I have lived a lot, travelled a lot, met a lot of people from all backgrounds , races and religions- I have loved a lot, and I have also been dumped a lot :)
Plus, I am really fascinated with people and their stories. Not in a gossipy way. I just find that every person is a whole new world that I am excited to discover.
Right now I am single- and happily so. I realized- better late than never - that rather than waiting for Prince Charming I should first become a Princess myself. You can't love anybody unconditionally, if first you don't love yourself unconditionally, and this is what I am learning to do.
Looking forward to hear from all of you..
Ciao
Cindy |
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| Latest articles: Devastation in Italy
This question has 2 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
26 August 2016: This has got nothing to do with romance or relationships or love- maybe with love for our fellow human beings, i.e. solidariety and compassion , so I hope that the mods will publish this regardless. On August 24th a devastating eartquak...
Ten best ways for a woman to be given her walking papers.
This question has 7 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
19 August 2014: Yeah I know : ultimately love is a mystery, not an exact science. There's always an element of sheer luck, of serendipity, of magic in it. Some times you do everything right, by the book, you are the perfect gf / wife / lover .. and you still get ...
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I want to take a break to work on things! Should I?
Q. Ok so I have been with partner for 6 now. We have lived to tether for a little more than 5. About 2 years ago she was unfaithful, when I found out was devastated, hurt, and angry. I couldn't understand why she did it. Well I forgave her, and went ...
A. 18 June 2012: My advice is : be brave, woman up and pull the plug. Definitely. This is not working, and what you call " love " is anything but. It may be emotional addiction, it may be insecurity, it may be a lot of neurotic stuff- but it's not love, at least ... (read in full...)
I have feelings for someone I work with, but he doesn't seem to be interested anymore. What can I do?
Q. Hi, a question for mainly guys please! I have really liked a guy at work for about 5 years now. He is in a superior position and our workplace has a very, very strict policy on inter-staff relationships. As well as this, I know he himself is ve...
A. 18 June 2012: I think it makes sense he did not want to put the moves on a coworker when dating a coworker is against the company's policy and he has a cheetah boss. Plus, if he was / is still going through a messy divorce a new budding romance was ... (read in full...)
My crush thinks he's too old for me. What do I do?
Q. I'm 25 and went on a date with a 35 year old. We got along great and had things in common. But he seemed to think the gap was too big. I didn't think so. My friend got engaged and has the same age difference. Should I tell my crush this?...
A. 18 June 2012: Yes,it could be an excuse. But if you think that- i.e. that he is a liar and he has basically used you for some nsa fun- why do you want to bother changing his mind about your age gap ?... (read in full...)
My crush thinks he's too old for me. What do I do?
Q. I'm 25 and went on a date with a 35 year old. We got along great and had things in common. But he seemed to think the gap was too big. I didn't think so. My friend got engaged and has the same age difference. Should I tell my crush this?...
A. 18 June 2012: ... So ? obviously at 25 you are old enough to be sexually attractive to him. But as a steady gf he may want someone older.
Too bad you did not bother to find that out BEFORE following him to his bedroom on your first date.... (read in full...)
Ex already has a new g/f. They are opposites. Can it last between them?
Q. My ex just officially ended it last week, he has a new gf. he didnt cheat because we were taking a break, i dont know why. he kept changing the reasons. The new girl is fat (not that looks matter i guess) who dyes her hair a lot, plays video games, ...
A. 18 June 2012: We'd need a crystal ball to answer you properly, anyway : why not. Maybe they'll last. It's not written anywhere that fat girls who dye their hair can't be good gfs, or that introverts should only date other introverts. Or that two people must ... (read in full...)
He is moving out, will he cheat on me?
Q. I don't have any way to express my heartbreak right now and so I apologize to you dear readers with whom I also need an advise. I am currently living with my boyfriend. Unfortunately, unmarried couples are prohibited in this country but we m...
A. 17 June 2012: What about, maybe is in a hurry because he does not want to end up in jail , or have his visa withdrawn and get kicked out of UAE ? Is it a good reason enough ?
You are taking this so very casually, but actually you have been very impr... (read in full...)
My crush thinks he's too old for me. What do I do?
Q. I'm 25 and went on a date with a 35 year old. We got along great and had things in common. But he seemed to think the gap was too big. I didn't think so. My friend got engaged and has the same age difference. Should I tell my crush this?...
A. 17 June 2012: I think it would be pointless telling him about your friend, what that would prove ? that for your friend and her bf age gap is not important- while instead for your crush is.
I'd do as SVC says, I'd try to find out more, WHY is it impo... (read in full...)
Does she want me to ask her out later?
Q. Dear Agony Aunts, I met a girl in a charity shop (volunteers together) a year ago, since then we have gradually become good friends and text each other alot. I we have hungout at partys and she has even come round to my house (just the two of us). ...
A. 17 June 2012: Ask her anyway when she gets her exam's results in August, ( if she is not moving ),what have you got to lose ? If really that was her only reason for not going out with you, this time she will obviously says yes.
If instead she was sort of lett... (read in full...)
I'm a 40 year old virgin and do not want sex
Q. I am a 40 year old Virgin. And I do not understand how the rest of the human race can be so relaxed about something like sex! When the so called facts come out on T.V show '' most males lose it aged 16 '' 16 !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I remmber being 16...
A. 17 June 2012: "have a go ? " " get mad " ?.... OP, why should I get mad if you don't have sex ??? I think you are projecting your own feelings : apparently YOU, by your own admission, don't understand the point of having a sex life, and since that, ... (read in full...)
I'm a 40 year old virgin and do not want sex
Q. I am a 40 year old Virgin. And I do not understand how the rest of the human race can be so relaxed about something like sex! When the so called facts come out on T.V show '' most males lose it aged 16 '' 16 !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I remmber being 16...
A. 16 June 2012: I suspect this may be a troll post, and if it is, well, it's a funny, amusing one, good job, OP:).
If I am wrong and this is a real post... what's exactly your question, or your problem , OP ? what are you asking ?...
If sex really exists, ... (read in full...)
I disinvited him to my party ...
Q. I was seeing a guy 6 years younger to me. for one year. On the pretext that he said he doesnt want a commitment, I broke it off with him, because i was very involved. I got him a job. when he asked me to held him with one. designed his tattoo, ...
A. 16 June 2012: Not that I can blame you, but perhaps you haven't handled the situation with the best possible aplomb.
Think about it : you already knew that you did not want the same in terms of a relationship, and you already knew that he is a taker not a gi... (read in full...)
I used my mom's phone and discovered she's getting way too friendly with a man. Do I confront her? Tell my dad?
Q. I need help! I'm 28 years old, and recently I went to my parent's house over the weekend and i discovered something that has my blood boiling right now. My parents are fairly older with my mom being in her mid 50's and my dad in his late 60's. ...
A. 16 June 2012: Your update makes sense, coming from a guy that does not hesitate a second using another person's phone without bothering to ask " May I ".
It sounds you have a little trouble understanding boundaries, where " I " and " mine " ends, and ... (read in full...)
My best friend doesn't seem to value my friendship
Q. My bestfriend classifies loads of people as friends even barely knowing them, not really knowing anything about them, just speaking to them if they're there. My bestfriend also calls people family fairly easily. I'm like a sister to my bestfriend so ...
A. 16 June 2012: It seems like it's an unilateral best friendship- from your side only. I think that you need to accept that friendship in general, and YOUR friendship, does not mean the same to each of you. Either you can be Ok with that, and get your ... (read in full...)
Ex wants post-break-up sex, is it right or wrong?
Q. My ex and I broke up 8 months ago, I am 18, whilst she is 16. The UK allows legality of this relationship. So she's decided that she wants 'post break up' sex. She never understood my reasons for leaving, although they were as long as your arm. So I ...
A. 16 June 2012: Yes, it will mean a tonne more to her. This is not at all about just sex, if she was just horny she could go with another guy without having to come to you, hat in hand. She either has big trouble moving on, or she is scheming to win you back, ... (read in full...)
Why is this younger guy hitting on me? I just want to be friends
Q. I m in my 40 s with really young men hitting on me ALL THE TIME, Yes, I m pretty, in good shape, look younger, but aren't they afraid that if I say yes, they will have to see my naked not very young body and do things to it? I had children, breas...
A. 16 June 2012: Maybe he's going to keep the lights switched off :)
Hey just kidding !!
I can only tell you that I had young men doing things to my not very young body, and they liked it, they liked it a lot.
Don't knock yourself down. First off , a healthy,... (read in full...)
Why is my ex trying to create conflict between me and my best friend?
Q. Last year I dated a guy for 3 months until I found out that he's married with kids. It was his pregnant wife who found out about him dating me and telling me about it (so she was the one who uncovered him). I was devastated and I asked him to stop ...
A. 16 June 2012: I must say that you are a very forgiving type. Some guy "forgets " to tell you that he has a pregnant wife waiting for him at home while he is frolicking with you, and makes a total fool of you, and you " make small talk " with him and tell ... (read in full...)
Have you ever said "I'll love you forever" and then changed your mind?
Q. Hi this is a question going out to all you ladies out there Just wondering if you have ever said ' i love you forever' or ' i want to be with you forever ' or ' i will always be your girl ' to someone you have been in love with? andddd wait for ...
A. 15 June 2012: I think everybody does. Maybe they don't say it aloud but they mean it in their heart and minds.
When people gets married, isn't it exactly like announcing to the whole world " I will love this woman - or this man - forever "?. Then, many marr... (read in full...)
How can I make him see that there is a difference between an accident and an intentional reaction?
Q. I accidently kicked my husband in the groin (he was standing behind me) as I was explaining to my older son that it was unacceptable to constantly thump my younger son. My husband suddenly ran and lunged at me with his thick MBT shoes on and kick...
A. 15 June 2012: I am scratching my head over this. Normally I am absolutely fierce, fanatical in fact, against physical abuse. To me, once a husband has intentionally kicked his wife in the groin, it would be game over, The End. No matter how many kids you have ... (read in full...)
How can I make him see that there is a difference between an accident and an intentional reaction?
Q. I accidently kicked my husband in the groin (he was standing behind me) as I was explaining to my older son that it was unacceptable to constantly thump my younger son. My husband suddenly ran and lunged at me with his thick MBT shoes on and kick...
A. 15 June 2012: I am scratching my head over this. Normally I am absolutely fierce, fanatical in fact, against physical abuse. To me, once a husband has intentionally kicked his wife in the groin, it would be game over, The End. No matter how many kids you have ... (read in full...)
Why has he suddenly come back?
Q. So me and this guy used to talk. We went out for coffee once and it was okay. After a couple of days we stopped speaking all together. Well I stopped speaking to him because it was just me instigating the whole conversations and I gave up at that ...
A. 15 June 2012: Relax , he should be really thick to not get what you actually meant .
And chill for the moment, it's too early to say. "Interested or not interested", it's a little too black or white , either/or. He probably is neither terribly interested, othe... (read in full...)
Should I give her some space and time to think instead of being so enthusiastic to go see her?
Q. So, about a month ago I met the most wonderful woman. She is 31 with 2 kids, and I'm 26 with one. We both are recently divorced. (both our ex's cheated about 9 months ago) we have known each other for a few years, (I went to school with her ex, and ...
A. 15 June 2012: Well I guess it depends from what the bad habit was, there's a big difference between shooting heroin and picking your nose !
If it is something that you REALLY want to quit, why can't you just talk to her and clear the air ? " Look, I know that... (read in full...)
My ex is already in a new relationship a few weeks after we broke up! We were together 4.5 years! Rebound? What is this?
Q. We were together 4.5 years, he loved me so much and even wanted to marry me. I broke up with him at uni due to lies on his part and the fact we were always arguing. He always said he couldn't live without me, would never let me go, etc. But he ...
A. 15 June 2012: Wait a minute. YOU broke up with him, and apparently with good reason, because he was telling you lies , and you were always arguing. So, the relationship was not working, and it was not making you happy, and, very reasonably, you broke up- which ... (read in full...)
My LDR boyfriend is into anal sex and doesn't like the way my vagina looks
Q. This is kind of embarrassing but here we go. I have been in a LDR for several years. Not long after we started dating my boyfriend talked me into, um, pleasuring myself on camera for him. So I did and it's become a regular thing where we do it ...
A. 14 June 2012: Who says that a creep and a perv must be old ?
Do you even realize what you have written ?: " We get along great, as long other that when it comes the time for our cybersex ". Which is the time when he pressures you and bullies into doing sexu... (read in full...)
Fancy dress party, what can I wear to impress my b/f?
Q. Hi I am going to a fancy dress party at the weekend with my new boyfriend we have been together for 5 months now what is the sexiest outfit to wear to really impress him thank you ...
A. 14 June 2012: Catwoman ?
Or, the sexiest costume ever , IMO,was Tina Turner's as Aunty Entity in Mad Max Beyond Thunderdome , I guess your friends would be too young to catch the 80's movie reference, but you can always say that you are dressed up up as ... (read in full...)
Fancy dress party, what can I wear to impress my b/f?
Q. Hi I am going to a fancy dress party at the weekend with my new boyfriend we have been together for 5 months now what is the sexiest outfit to wear to really impress him thank you ...
A. 14 June 2012: Catwoman ?
Or, the sexiest costume ever , IMO,was Tina Turner's as Aunty Entity in Mad Max Beyond Thunderdome , I guess your friends would be too young to catch the 80's movie reference, but you can always say that you are dressed up up as ... (read in full...)
Did I overreact, are we just not compatible? He's often late or changes plans
Q. Here is the thing, I have been with my boyfriend for a year and have this pet peeve with him. I am not sure where my relationship stands with him at this point I became very angry and probably ruined our relationship. My bf has no concept of time,...
A. 14 June 2012: I think that your boyfriend won't even bother tryng to change his habits because he does not care enough about you to make the effort, and because he does not have to. He knows he does not risk anything. You scold, you nag, you complain, but ... (read in full...)
Can a Catholic date a Muslim?
Q. Hi i was like this girl at school but im a catholic and she's muslim is it ok if i ask her out and she said yes ? ...
A. 14 June 2012: I doubt that generally a Muslim girl in your age range would be allowed to date to begin with, so much less to date a Catholic . But, it all depends from her family and environment, theirs may be relatively / completely laical and ... (read in full...)
I'd like advice on becoming a young parent
Q. Hi:) my question is about having children. I'm 17 years old,and have been in a relationship for just over a month. This is not my first relationship. I am,by no means,considering having a child right now,but in the near future,possibly. Me and my ...
A. 14 June 2012: Finish college first, find out what you want to do and at least set the foundation of your CAREER.
Nowadays, to raise a kid, or more than one, you don't just need " some money " or " a job ", you need a decent level of consistent financial stab... (read in full...)
What do European guys think about pubic hair?
Q. Hello, I am 23 years old and I don't like having hair down there so I usually remove all of it via a hair removal cream if I am going to be with a guy. However, I am seeing a guy from Spain and I heard that they don't mind pubic hair, in face some ...
A. 14 June 2012: Being from Italy ( similar culture ) I had my idea , but to be more scientific I compared notes with my friend Conchita from Madrid :
Yes, Europeans are definitely less paranoid about pubic hair than US guys. While it's true that the numb... (read in full...)
Would you find a 42 year-old Virgin Dateable?
Q. Now to be honest, I have average looks and am average size being a tall, typical bodied white male. The issues exist that I suffer from social anxiety and other disorders, limiting my social skills, which might not attract women right off the ba...
A. 14 June 2012: OP, this is an example of the clueless, helpless attitude that may be off putting to people way more than sexual inexperience.
" I believe I have Asperger's " . Yeah, but do you KNOW that ? Have you been to get yourself diagnosed by a comp... (read in full...)
I've fallen for him but he's not ready for a relationship, just comes around for sex!
Q. Hi I was just wondering what I can do in this situation I met this man 16 months ago who wasn't really my type but I thought I would give it a go I said yes to a date he came round mine just for a drink as we lived very close we didn't sleep ...
A. 13 June 2012: I am not ready for a relationship " is the oldest and lamest B.S. ever... it just means " I don't like you that much, only enough to have sex with you once in a blue moon " , or , if you wish " I am not ready for a relationship, but when I will ... (read in full...)
What can I do to discourage this woman who's been having meaninless sex with my husband for two years?
Q. Hello, I'm dealing with my husband's infidelity right now.He's the best hubby in the world and I love him to bits.. Only one tiny little problem.He's been having a meaningless sex fling with this floosy for 2yrs.It's a lady I have to see on a regu...
A. 13 June 2012: He is not the best hubby in the world and this is not a tiny little problem and you know it very well, otherwise, if it were, it would not bother you to the point of posting about it on a forum.
Yes, we can blame HIM allright, even if the woma... (read in full...)
My LDR boyfriend is into anal sex and doesn't like the way my vagina looks
Q. This is kind of embarrassing but here we go. I have been in a LDR for several years. Not long after we started dating my boyfriend talked me into, um, pleasuring myself on camera for him. So I did and it's become a regular thing where we do it ...
A. 13 June 2012: He understands you have needs, he just does not care. No boobs, no oral, no vagina, no pleasure for you ? That does not even sound like a sexual ( or cybersexual ) relationship , it sounds like a guy that's too cheap to pay for his favourite porn ... (read in full...)
I'm 14, pregnant, my B/f has left me, my parents are druggies and I live in a foster home. What do I do now?
Q. Hi I'm fourteen. Me and my boyfriend have been trying to get pregnant for a while now! i finally got pregnant. But now my boyfriend (hes 16)left me. I really don't know what to do now. we were going to move in together and start a life. How should i ...
A. 13 June 2012: Let's start with the least important problem , even if perhaps it does not feel the least important to you : how to get over being left by your bf. Don'y worry, you will get over it in time, because everybody gets over the end of their 14 years ... (read in full...)
I was venting, and he tells me how to fix it?
Q. I was talking to my bf earlier and I was venting about something that happened to me at work today. I know that he really cares but it often turns into him telling me what I should have done or what I should do. And it's frustrating me because it ...
A. 13 June 2012: Yeah, it's a gender thing :). Personally I have zero consideration for John Gray and his Mars vs. Venus pap, but I have to admit he got that totally right, because in all my life I have never met a male ( except Freudian shrinks, who are PAID to ... (read in full...)
Is this pattern of contact wierd?
Q. Hey, I met a guy online a few weeks ago, we've webcammed and spoken on the phone numerous times, I've started to really like him, he's like 7 years older than me and we're both fine with it. We're planning to meet at the end of this week, I've s...
A. 13 June 2012: It sounds like a married guy...... (read in full...)
Would you find a 42 year-old Virgin Dateable?
Q. Now to be honest, I have average looks and am average size being a tall, typical bodied white male. The issues exist that I suffer from social anxiety and other disorders, limiting my social skills, which might not attract women right off the ba...
A. 13 June 2012: Oh,but you will know what to do inherently. Everybody does. Kids 14 years old know what to do .It's pure animal instinct.
Of course the results may be not stellar the first time- on the other end , they very seldom are,any first time with some... (read in full...)
Are my anxious fears about my future ability, to satisfy her, valid or invalid?
Q. I'm 19 years old, and my girlfriend and I have been together for almost two years. She and I are both virgins, and we both want to wait until we are married to each other to make love together. My penis is 6 inches long when completely erect. S...
A. 12 June 2012: OP, if I tell you that your penis is perfectly average and perfectly fit for any sexual position, you won't believe me, you'll think I am cheering you up.
So, instead, I want to draw your attention on this :
- Do you know Kamasutra ? I bet you ... (read in full...)
Does my online love want me or not?
Q. I was in an online relationship for 2 years. They were truly blissful years. He understood me. Every moment was exciting. He was hilarious.. he got all my jokes and FINALLy there was someone who on my wavelength. After 2 years.. I feel like it has ...
A. 12 June 2012: No, it's actually easier done that said. You just have to want to do it , and take the steps to start doing it. Like , getting your butt off that chair and switch off that PC and go OUT and about, among real people, whom you can talk to, touch, be ... (read in full...)
My girlfriend is sleeping around like a maniac! what is she thinking?
Q. What do you think it goes on in the mind of a 33 years old woman with a kid who I have been with for 7 years when she cheats on you once and you forgave her and then 2 years later you find out she is cheating again and even more she goes out blows ...
A. 11 June 2012: You don't need proof because you can't ask for divorce with imputation of adultery- you can't divorce because you are not married.
As for " cheating " , you are broken up, so she is not cheating on anybody. Even if you were together, ther... (read in full...)
Do you have to be physically attracted to someone to have sex with them?
Q. I think I worded a question wrong the other day, but what I really wanted to know is do men sleep with women that they aren't physically attracted to, especially more than once. I think my suggested question title got changed and people basicall...
A. 11 June 2012: Yes. If hormones are raging, and there are no better alternatives available, they do.
I remember a cynical but sincere college mate of mine, who was being teased by friends for having a sort of FWB with a very unattractive girl.
His lapidary... (read in full...)
My girlfriend is sleeping around like a maniac! what is she thinking?
Q. What do you think it goes on in the mind of a 33 years old woman with a kid who I have been with for 7 years when she cheats on you once and you forgave her and then 2 years later you find out she is cheating again and even more she goes out blows ...
A. 11 June 2012: OP, what are you talking about ?! Of course in Italy you CAN ask for divorce due to cheating : it will be a judicial separation " con addebito di colpa " ( imputation of fault ) , i.e. the judge will assess if the obligations coming from legal ... (read in full...)
Would you find a 42 year-old Virgin Dateable?
Q. Now to be honest, I have average looks and am average size being a tall, typical bodied white male. The issues exist that I suffer from social anxiety and other disorders, limiting my social skills, which might not attract women right off the ba...
A. 17 May 2012: Mean ?... We can be personally supportive and sympathetic with your situation, but, do you want to be supported and resuured regardless,... or do you want the straight dope ?.
Everybody is datable. But, some people will have more trouble than othe... (read in full...)
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