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... Send *indyCares a private message | | | *indyCares's profile:Hi everybody. I am an Italian woman currently living in Italy but I spent many years in England and USA. I hope my English is still decent but in case it got a little rusty, please be lenient.
My age ? Let say that I am way past the stage when you cry if the boy you like takes your best friend to the prom, and young enough to remember how awful that feels.
What qualifies me to help people- well, let me show off just a bit and mention that I studied Psychology 4 years in college, and, even if then I graduated in a different subject, I never lost my interest in psychology and kept reading a lot about this subject. Yet that does not really qualify me for anything because intellectual knowledge is not the same as real life experience. So let's say I feel I can advice people because I have lived a lot, travelled a lot, met a lot of people from all backgrounds , races and religions- I have loved a lot, and I have also been dumped a lot :)
Plus, I am really fascinated with people and their stories. Not in a gossipy way. I just find that every person is a whole new world that I am excited to discover.
Right now I am single- and happily so. I realized- better late than never - that rather than waiting for Prince Charming I should first become a Princess myself. You can't love anybody unconditionally, if first you don't love yourself unconditionally, and this is what I am learning to do.
Looking forward to hear from all of you..
Ciao
Cindy |
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| Latest articles: Devastation in Italy
This question has 2 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
26 August 2016: This has got nothing to do with romance or relationships or love- maybe with love for our fellow human beings, i.e. solidariety and compassion , so I hope that the mods will publish this regardless. On August 24th a devastating eartquak...
Ten best ways for a woman to be given her walking papers.
This question has 7 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
19 August 2014: Yeah I know : ultimately love is a mystery, not an exact science. There's always an element of sheer luck, of serendipity, of magic in it. Some times you do everything right, by the book, you are the perfect gf / wife / lover .. and you still get ...
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I found out my husband is using porn and I don't like it
Q. I have found out that my husband views internet porn a lot. I am so hurt by this. I work hard to stay attractive and am always ready to make love or be adventurous in bed w/him. He says It's no big deal, and It's the same as me using a vibrator. ...
A. 20 March 2013: I don't think he is getting off because of all the different women, if he wanted to " admire " beautiful women he could just jack off to an issue of Playboy, or even to depilatory creams advertisements. Or close his eyes and think of his favourite ... (read in full...)
He gave me the boot with a cliche break up line, why?
Q. Hi friends! I just got broken up with by guy I've known for almost 2yrs. We have been together for only about 6mths. I told him I had feelings for him then got the kiss of death email. He wrote this: "I think your sweet too nice and too cool of a ...
A. 20 March 2013: But he DID say that he does not have the same feelings from you ! maybe it's you that do not want to hear it...
"We are in different places and we don't want the same things " means EMOTIONALLY. I am sure he did not mean it literally !,like" I li... (read in full...)
My American wife has accused me of getting married for a Green Card, what should I do now?
Q. 6 months ago , I got married to US citizen in Pakistan. We met through dating site and after four months she came to Pakistan to marry me. After honeymoon,once she got back to US, she filled Spouse Visa Petition for me. One month ago, we had a ...
A. 19 March 2013: I don't doubt that a civil marriage performed in Pakistan with an USA citizen and regularly registered in USA will have civil ( legal ) effects in USA. What I doubt is that that the religious effects of your religious marriage in Pakistan have a ... (read in full...)
Wwhat do you call it when a man goes from one woman to another woman within six weeks?
Q. I wonder what do you call it when a man goes from one woman to another woman within six weeks? But at first he would constantly call her then he quit calling her now he is back calling her. Could he be in love with this woman? Has he already forgo...
A. 19 March 2013: I think a lot depends from whose idea was to break up. If he is the one who has been dumped, maybe he is looking for a quick rebound, a way to distract himself from the hurt and disappointment and move on fast. If he was the dumper, chances are ... (read in full...)
What is it about a short man that women find so disgusting?
Q. I have been rejected by a few girls and have lost heart. My track record keeps me from trying as I have no reason to believe I will succeed. I have been aware that women do not find short men attractive and recently i have been following "expos...
A. 19 March 2013: First , " disgusting " is a strong world and is much more negative than " scarcely attractive ", second, not all women, and not a superlarge majority of women feel the same.
My sister ( who was very sought after when she was single and coul... (read in full...)
I'm unhappy with the lack of support from my g/f. How can I deal with this?
Q. Hey guys, My father is suffering from some serious medical issues that came up suddenly and there is a chance that he may not ever come out the same again. He is in the hospital and has been for a month, and we're not sure how long he'll be th...
A. 19 March 2013: Ultimately, we are born alone and we die alone. And along the way, there will be moments that no amount of support will be enough even if promptly and generously offered. We OWN our pain. We can only describe it, talk about it, we can't make it FEEL ... (read in full...)
What to do? I love her, I just don't want to spend the rest of my life with her. And I don't want to hurt her!
Q. I have been with my girlfriend for nearly 18 months. We have had an amazing relationship, the best relationship I've ever had, but I do not feel that she is "the one". I don't truly believe there is a "one", but no matter what way I spell it out i...
A. 19 March 2013: I think you are very easy on yourself, if any :)
So, in your opinion, the right, moral thing to do, would be stringing her along for other ,say, 4 or 6 years, then when she starts asking for marriage and kids and all that, telling her " Uh-o... (read in full...)
My American wife has accused me of getting married for a Green Card, what should I do now?
Q. 6 months ago , I got married to US citizen in Pakistan. We met through dating site and after four months she came to Pakistan to marry me. After honeymoon,once she got back to US, she filled Spouse Visa Petition for me. One month ago, we had a ...
A. 19 March 2013: She sounds like an impulsive woman at best, and a mentally unstable one at worst, who marries a stranger after 4 months of meeting him... on Internet ?!
I guess she made her decision to marry you during some sort of manic bipolar episode or some... (read in full...)
How many things should you have in common?
Q. Hey guys, I'm just wondering but in a relationship, how much things should you have I'm common with? Should you "think" the same way and have every interest or hobbies the same to make it work...
A. 19 March 2013: Not in theory but often in practice. It depends from the religion ( some religions severely prohibit the believers to marry or even date people from other religions ) but most of all from the person. Some people are more tolerant and open minded ... (read in full...)
Why should my boyfriend's awful mother expect me to pay to fix the roof of the house we are moving into?
Q. My son father and I, been together off and on for four years. During this we didn't always get along. He slashed my tires, you name it we did it. After I'll last fight I got po against him. We been on a real good streak, going to church, doing ...
A. 19 March 2013: Yes, if you've got to spend money on it, might as well to rent your place or buy your place somewhere else and keep your distance, physical and emotional, from this woman.
Other than that, though, ... you are taking this too personally. This woma... (read in full...)
Is it normal to have a relationship with no differences in opinion?
Q. Hi guys! You have helped me out a lot in the past so I am back again for some advice. I got out of a LTR in October last year and (I know it sounds bad but...) I hooked up with someone I had befriended from work fairly quickly, I recall it was ab...
A. 18 March 2013: I'd say it's pretty normal, in fact I'd find the opposite strange, that in less than 4 months there would have been already arguments and squabbles.
Contrary to popular believe, a high level of conflictuality is not a good thing, it may make perh... (read in full...)
I love him and can see him in my future but he can't?
Q. Those who aren't a Chrisitan please dont reply! I met my bf at a christmas party at church. We are both christian but he is a bit more christian then I am (which isnt an issue). His family did everything together at church and mine really didn...
A. 18 March 2013: He sounds like the kind of guy that needs to be told " Yes God exists- and He isn't YOU ! ". Congratulate yourself for the lucky escape. I might get ( not agree ! ) how, as a conservative Christian, he has a problem with gay people.... but dog ... (read in full...)
She's not the romantic type and doesn't show her affections very often
Q. Friends for two years with my now long distance girlfriend, we have been in a relationship for about five months with a view to have our first meeting in person this year (she's in Thailand, I'm in the UK). The problem is, she's not the romantic ...
A. 18 March 2013: The dating scene may have changed a lot in the past 40 years, but human nature has not in centuries, or millennia, it is always very prone to limerance , infatuation and Spanish castles. Or, projection if you wish. We find someone , whom we don't ... (read in full...)
Why does he lie to me? How can I marry this man in two months?
Q. I really need help. Its no secret to my fiance that I don't trust him. I have talked to him about being honest and earning my trust back. But he continues to lie to my fsce. I give him every chance to be honest. Why does he lie to me? How can I ...
A. 18 March 2013: Simple, you can't. Meaning, you cannot marry this man in two months. Unless you can make your peace with being a perennially deceived, lied-to, made-fun-of wife .
If he knows he is supposed to gain your trust back, and all he does instead is tell... (read in full...)
I love him and can see him in my future but he can't?
Q. Those who aren't a Chrisitan please dont reply! I met my bf at a christmas party at church. We are both christian but he is a bit more christian then I am (which isnt an issue). His family did everything together at church and mine really didn...
A. 18 March 2013: I take the liberty of answering even as a non Christian because that's not really a problem of religion. It's the usual problem of every couple where someone has more feelings than the other, is more invested emotionally than the other. You ... (read in full...)
I'm not ready yet to start dating someone else. How do I tell this to the girl I met and made plans, to go on a date with?
Q. I need advice i've done something stupid and now don't know what to say to them! On Saturday night this girl I met asked me out on a date and I was still pretty drunk when I accepted it and I was sure at the time it was what I wanted and that I w...
A. 18 March 2013: Fess up. Apologize profusely. Tell her what you said to us, that you did not mean to lead her on, but that your consent was alcohol fueled and when sober you realized that you are not ready for dating and that she would be a rebound and going on ... (read in full...)
Guys, would it be selfish to get in touch with him to apologize for the things I'm sorry I did?
Q. I would really be interested if any guys could answer this one, I was seeing a man on and off for a few months, and he made it clear he was unable to commit any further than a casual relationship. I have children, he does not, and he continua...
A. 18 March 2013: I would save my breath. When you look at it closely, it was 1 ) on and off 2 ) for a few months only 3 ) physical and uncommitted only 4 ) he knew you had drinking problems so your occasional bad behavior toward him was expected.
Basi... (read in full...)
Broke up with my BF because of his indiscretion, was I right
Q. My boyfriend and I have been together for 3 years, I have left my jobs to. Follow him wherever his job takes him. Last year I had a miscarriage. Since then we have been living in qatar. I was unable to work without a visa so I have been a house GF ...
A. 18 March 2013: Of course you did the right thing, would you believe that he booked hotels ..for going there and not doing anything ?
But that's not really the point, even if he had abstained from sexual contacts, he still is a guy who spends a lot of time and atte... (read in full...)
I broke up with him in the hopes that he would realize he still loved me if he felt he was losing me, should I have been more patient?
Q. I'm unsure if I made a huge mistake or if it is just my mind playing games with me. I had been with my boyfriend for two and a half years. I moved to Florida a year ago so one out of those two years and a half were long distance. At first it wa...
A. 18 March 2013: In defence of the boy, yes, it is VERY rude to get your phone out and keep tecting other people when you are with friends or guests :).
But, regardless of the more or less valid justifications he could have, you felt a change, a cooling off , a ... (read in full...)
Am I wrong for being upset my girlfriend didn't prepare ahead of time to make time to see me before she goes away?
Q. general question. would you guys be frustrated if your girlfriend/boyfriend was going out of town for a week and you had planned in advance to spend the night before together, but it took them FOREVER to finally come over? my girlfriend has k...
A. 18 March 2013: Chill,my friend, yes it's disappointing, it is always disappointing when something does not go according to our expectations, but, really, she is only going away for a week ! Seven days, not seven months.
Maybe she is not the organized type, mayb... (read in full...)
My boyfriend wants to rent the living room at a female friend's and I don't trust her.
Q. My boyfriend and I have almost been together 3 years. We've had our ups and downs numerous times but we love each other very much. I will do anything to be with him for the rest of my life. But now, we have yet another problem that I'm having an ...
A. 17 March 2013: Do you really need to ask why would he want to leave your place ? People feel stifled living with their own parents , imagine with somebody else's parents, who also happen to be their in laws. Plus, he gets to use a car for free. I'd leave in a ... (read in full...)
Boyfriend didn't feel well and asked to go home. I'm sad that he didn't want me to stay with him
Q. My roommate went on vacation, so I have the whole house to myself. I told my boyfriend we should have a night just for us. We agreed to meet on a coffee shop. When I got there he told me he had the worst back pain. Our friends were there too a...
A. 17 March 2013: It sounds like he was only excited about spending the night with you if it involved sex, or at least a fun, social outing, but'd gladly skip the snuggly-cuddly-movie part in favour of being home by himself.
That's not as bad as it seems ,tho... (read in full...)
I know it's weird to have your tongue in someone's ear, but is it weird when you're making out with your gf?
Q. So this girl and I have been dating for about 4 months now. One day after spending the whole day together, we went back to her dorm. We were alone, so we talked for a bit and then started making out on her bed. I guess I just wanted to try ...
A. 17 March 2013: Tons of people. It's not that exotic . Personally I hate it, but there are people who who like it. Just like your gf. ... (read in full...)
He told me I'd waited to long to date and that he was moving on
Q. I had been dating a guy for 7 week that i met online. We text and talk on the phone. He has also told me already he loves me and we have also kissed and some touching. He has asked me several time to go and spend the weekend with him to. He has also ...
A. 17 March 2013: Exactly. He wants A woman, ANY woman, the first who's desperate enough to take up his offer blindly, no-questions- asked. He does not want YOU in particular.
He told you he'd never leave you, he'd never hurt you- and I suppose ,since you have know... (read in full...)
Is this age difference too much?
Q. What is the biggest age gap relationship you have known of? I am 26 years old and massively attracted to a 45 year old man. I can't help it it's getting me down, my family wouldn't approve....
A. 16 March 2013: LOL ! and what would he put in your opinion , to pull women, and younger gitls, on a dating site ? " My marriage is OK, no burning passion maybe, but anyway I would never dream of leaving her and breaking my family, but I've got this sexual itch to ... (read in full...)
He told me I'd waited to long to date and that he was moving on
Q. I had been dating a guy for 7 week that i met online. We text and talk on the phone. He has also told me already he loves me and we have also kissed and some touching. He has asked me several time to go and spend the weekend with him to. He has also ...
A. 16 March 2013: I think that he is SOOO bullshitting you. He was horny and impatient, and could not waste any more time for getting laid. He told you he loved you after one or two dates ? and he kept pressuring for you to spend the weekend with him, when you ... (read in full...)
Things were getting serious -- until her ex FWB introduced himself
Q. Dear Cupid I have been dating a great women for three years and we are making plans to buy a house move in with each other and open joint savings and cheque accounts. We have been open with each other and neither of us have any skeletons in our ...
A. 16 March 2013: Ah! I knew it ! What young girl would still be wearing her tops from 5 or 6 years ago :).It HAD to be a fabrication.
You need to watch your temper though, as you've seen it could get you in big trouble for nothing. Do follow scrupolously thos... (read in full...)
My boyfriend has bipolar disorder and his behavior is very disturbing and violent...and I might be pregnant with his child!
Q. My boyfriend and I had an argument last night. I feel bad , because he had cooked us a meal. We didnt get to eat the meal together. He has bipolar disorder, and i cant handle it when he is too hyper. He was very hyper yesterday, and had had a bit of ...
A. 16 March 2013: Better alone than dead. Better a fatherless child than a physically abused one . You are afraid of the wrong things, OP.
You've got to be afraid of what happens if you stay with him. If he is so much older than you, he is old enough to know that... (read in full...)
My boyfriend has bipolar disorder and his behavior is very disturbing and violent...and I might be pregnant with his child!
Q. My boyfriend and I had an argument last night. I feel bad , because he had cooked us a meal. We didnt get to eat the meal together. He has bipolar disorder, and i cant handle it when he is too hyper. He was very hyper yesterday, and had had a bit of ...
A. 16 March 2013: Follow person 1234's advice , break up now from a safe place,and do not try to razionalize what is going on with " That's only his bipolar disorder acting out, he is actually a very nice guy ". It does not matter WHY all this happened ( particularly ... (read in full...)
My b/f doesn't want to go on facebook and say we are back together or give me his password to it. This troubles me!
Q. My boyfriend and I have been together for almost two years. A couple of months ago we broke up for about one month, then decided that wasn't the right decision and have gotten back together. Well, there is a problem that has been bothering me a ...
A. 16 March 2013: I think that , if Facebook has already caused issues and drama between you in the past , he just wants to prevent the same from reoccuring. He wants to feel free to ask relationship advice, and even to rant to someone if you two have a tiff or a ... (read in full...)
He deleted my mom from his Facebook friends and she wants us to break up because of that and some other stuff!
Q. I started dating this guy a month ago everything was going great, we had a few problems but we got through them. My mom added him on Facebook and things was good until she started commenting on almost all his status's asking what they meant, who ...
A. 16 March 2013: ...And I don't think I have ever disagreed with YouWish so far, so it's a first :)
I want to stress how I can see how the mother acted really crazy, and I also can see the point of all the posters who say " They have been just dating for a mont... (read in full...)
LDR "boyfriend" has changed his mind and says he doesn't want to talk as much as he did?
Q. Dear Cupid, Me and this guy are sort of in an LDR thing. We met in December and swapped numbers (we met in person) but I was visiting a friend 100 miles away and that's where I met the guy and he is coming to visit me in my town in a few weeks t...
A. 16 March 2013: Perhaps you can talk to him about this when he comes to visit you and make him understand that, if he wants things to progress to lomg term, then you need to find a compromise between his need for space and yours for communication. A conversation ... (read in full...)
He deleted my mom from his Facebook friends and she wants us to break up because of that and some other stuff!
Q. I started dating this guy a month ago everything was going great, we had a few problems but we got through them. My mom added him on Facebook and things was good until she started commenting on almost all his status's asking what they meant, who ...
A. 15 March 2013: Listen to your mom, she pegged him right.
Mind you, your mom is a heck of an overprotective , interfering mom, no doubt , but one can be overprotective and interfering, and also be right.
First, you started dating a month ago, and you already ... (read in full...)
Why is my wife loose now? Is it age, cheating, using toys?
Q. I met my wife six years ago, we started dating and our sexual life was great, she felt good and tight and was more active and I was told that sexually I was the first one..we then started a distance relationship like I was in another country and she ...
A. 15 March 2013: Your first two hypothesis are, pardon me, ridicolous.
A vagina is one of the most elastic things you can imagine, it won't be stretched by intercourse, even tons of intercourse, or by insertion of toys, heck, it won't even be permanently stre... (read in full...)
Is there a possibility he likes me or is he just really acting like a friend?
Q. I'm confused!!! And I hate it. I know this guy that goes to my job and I can't tell if I'm getting mixed signals from him or if I'm just getting paranoid and imagining I see some thing where there really isn't anything. I've been feeling li...
A. 15 March 2013: Personally, I belong to the school of thought says : mixed signals= no signals. With the possible exceptions of goofy teenagers or pathologically shy people, an adult who REALLY wants something, goes after it in a simple, linear way. I think that ... (read in full...)
Negative responses about breast implants have me questioning what I should do about my body!
Q. I've asked this question before and had some good responses, but I just read another reply to another post and this involved the respondent saying that "as long as she doesn't have breast implants"...in relation to her partner finding another women ...
A. 15 March 2013: As far as I know, mastopessy ( breast lifting and breast skin tightening ) can also be performed without any protesis , as strange as it sounds, not everybody wants bigger breasts,they may just want firmer ones. But , for this you need to consult ... (read in full...)
He's scared to leave her to come back to me!
Q. Im asking for help on a very tricky long question so im sorry in advance for this. History of it started 7years ago me and my partner got together we had known eachother on off for 5years before and things moved quick. I was pregnant after 4...
A. 15 March 2013: It means that you need to wake up and smell the coffee, it means that he is either giving you the runaround, or he is a Guinness Book of Records type of wuss, or both.
On and off... a string of girls... what are you waiting for ? this guy is not ... (read in full...)
Is my ex depressed because of guilt?
Q. This is going to be kind of long, I apologize. My fiance and I were friends for a year (best friends, did everything together) before we got into a relationship. We were together for 4 years total. A year into the relationship, I had our daug...
A. 15 March 2013: I am not sure where you are going with this either. It would take a series of visits to his shrink to assess if his depression comes from guilt, and anyway depression is rarely so clear -cut, black or white, it may stem as a reaction to a specific ... (read in full...)
Is it possible for friends with benefits to eventually have a true romance and relationship?
Q. My best guy friend is also a friend with benefits. We started off as friends, and later I crushed on him. We talked and he told me that he was not looking for a relationship. He has a child with his ex and at the time he still had feelings for her. ...
A. 15 March 2013: I would not hold my breath. In September he may very well be with someone new.
The first thing he does when he feels a bit less hung up on his ex is making a profile on a dating site to meet new women, does not this tell you anything ? I know... (read in full...)
I've fallen for him. Should I tell him how I feel, or am I just over thinking everything?
Q. So the first time that I talked to (Male person) was when I still thought that he was taken. So I teased him. But the real first time we really hit it off was at a church dance when I found out that he had broken up with his gf a few weeks ago. At ...
A. 14 March 2013: Well, if you both are Mormons, I guess it made sense that he pulled away, knowing that he is going back to his own State in May.
I mean, surely he liked you, he liked your company, etc., but Mormons, as far as I know, aren't exactly known for ... (read in full...)
My Gf has a friend. I'd like to spend cozy moments with her friend. Can I do this successfully and not hurt my Gf?
Q. I've been dating my girlfriend for two years. But I'm attracted to her friend and I feel like going out with her friend to share cozy moments. I don't want to hurt my gf but at the same time I want to spend time with her friend. Help!! What ...
A. 14 March 2013: You wrote to the wrong site , OP. Call us a bunch of uptight, moralistic p...ks, but I doubt you'll find a lot of people willing to teach you or encourage you cheating. Maybe one or two as a joke, just to be witty, but..I am pretty sure you won't ... (read in full...)
LDR "boyfriend" has changed his mind and says he doesn't want to talk as much as he did?
Q. Dear Cupid, Me and this guy are sort of in an LDR thing. We met in December and swapped numbers (we met in person) but I was visiting a friend 100 miles away and that's where I met the guy and he is coming to visit me in my town in a few weeks t...
A. 14 March 2013: I admit that my opinion is biased , so probably not valid, because I belong to a pre- social media , and even pre-text , generation, where everybody managed perfectly to meet, mate , make love without 24/7 technology other than the phone, but, TBH, ... (read in full...)
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