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... Send *indyCares a private message | | | *indyCares's profile:Hi everybody. I am an Italian woman currently living in Italy but I spent many years in England and USA. I hope my English is still decent but in case it got a little rusty, please be lenient.
My age ? Let say that I am way past the stage when you cry if the boy you like takes your best friend to the prom, and young enough to remember how awful that feels.
What qualifies me to help people- well, let me show off just a bit and mention that I studied Psychology 4 years in college, and, even if then I graduated in a different subject, I never lost my interest in psychology and kept reading a lot about this subject. Yet that does not really qualify me for anything because intellectual knowledge is not the same as real life experience. So let's say I feel I can advice people because I have lived a lot, travelled a lot, met a lot of people from all backgrounds , races and religions- I have loved a lot, and I have also been dumped a lot :)
Plus, I am really fascinated with people and their stories. Not in a gossipy way. I just find that every person is a whole new world that I am excited to discover.
Right now I am single- and happily so. I realized- better late than never - that rather than waiting for Prince Charming I should first become a Princess myself. You can't love anybody unconditionally, if first you don't love yourself unconditionally, and this is what I am learning to do.
Looking forward to hear from all of you..
Ciao
Cindy |
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| Latest articles: Devastation in Italy
This question has 2 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
26 August 2016: This has got nothing to do with romance or relationships or love- maybe with love for our fellow human beings, i.e. solidariety and compassion , so I hope that the mods will publish this regardless. On August 24th a devastating eartquak...
Ten best ways for a woman to be given her walking papers.
This question has 7 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
19 August 2014: Yeah I know : ultimately love is a mystery, not an exact science. There's always an element of sheer luck, of serendipity, of magic in it. Some times you do everything right, by the book, you are the perfect gf / wife / lover .. and you still get ...
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LDR "boyfriend" has changed his mind and says he doesn't want to talk as much as he did?
Q. Dear Cupid, Me and this guy are sort of in an LDR thing. We met in December and swapped numbers (we met in person) but I was visiting a friend 100 miles away and that's where I met the guy and he is coming to visit me in my town in a few weeks t...
A. 16 March 2013: Perhaps you can talk to him about this when he comes to visit you and make him understand that, if he wants things to progress to lomg term, then you need to find a compromise between his need for space and yours for communication. A conversation ... (read in full...)
My Gf has a friend. I'd like to spend cozy moments with her friend. Can I do this successfully and not hurt my Gf?
Q. I've been dating my girlfriend for two years. But I'm attracted to her friend and I feel like going out with her friend to share cozy moments. I don't want to hurt my gf but at the same time I want to spend time with her friend. Help!! What ...
A. 14 March 2013: You wrote to the wrong site , OP. Call us a bunch of uptight, moralistic p...ks, but I doubt you'll find a lot of people willing to teach you or encourage you cheating. Maybe one or two as a joke, just to be witty, but..I am pretty sure you won't ... (read in full...)
Arrogant and cliquey young manager at work who thinks I'm beneath her! Advice?
Q. I work in a hospital and one of the girls I work with is 23, she is very good at her job, super confident and talented,and 3 months ago has been made one of the assistant managers, which is great for a girl so young.(Im in my 30s an have NO issue...
A. 14 March 2013: She should... perhaps. Meaning, yes it would be nice if the higher ups would help to create a friendly, cordial, warm environment, I think it would even improve the work performances, but technically she does not HAVE to socialize on the job. As ... (read in full...)
Should I sue my US wife for defamation from Pakistan?
Q. 8 Months ago, I got married to a US citizen in Pakistan. While Spouse visa petition was in final stage. We picked up a fight and now she wants divorce. If she doesn't come to Pakistan and I don't go to US, me and my family will face embarrassing ...
A. 14 March 2013: That's not defamation. Defamation is an INTENTIONAL, FALSE communication ,written or spoken, that willingly harms somebody's reputation or decreases the respect in which he's held etc.etc.
But there's no criminal or civil charge for doing what you ... (read in full...)
LDR "boyfriend" has changed his mind and says he doesn't want to talk as much as he did?
Q. Dear Cupid, Me and this guy are sort of in an LDR thing. We met in December and swapped numbers (we met in person) but I was visiting a friend 100 miles away and that's where I met the guy and he is coming to visit me in my town in a few weeks t...
A. 14 March 2013: I admit that my opinion is biased , so probably not valid, because I belong to a pre- social media , and even pre-text , generation, where everybody managed perfectly to meet, mate , make love without 24/7 technology other than the phone, but, TBH, ... (read in full...)
Are there guys that wait till marriage?
Q. Are there virgin guys out there that want to wait till marriage with someone they really love? I feel very disappointed and alone when all I see is jerky guys and pregnant teens. People are so slutty and cold hearted these days. ...
A. 14 March 2013: There MUST be. Not only Muslims. People tend to forget that , at least in theory, Christians too are supposed to abstain from premarital sex.
If you mix with religious people, it should be far from impossible to find your virgin partner. But ... (read in full...)
My ex tells people that we were just friends and not in a relationship but we were!
Q. I was in a realtionship for 8months we broke up about 1 1/2 month ago. 3 days later he was talking to someone else I just wonder sometimes did he care for me the way that he said he did. Its just strange how peole ask him about me and he say that we ...
A. 14 March 2013: One and a half months ? It starts being too much time to keep dwelling on the hows and whys, to keep "wondering ". What use is it to wonder ?
I mean, yes, it is very probable that he did not care as much as he said, if he broke up , or led you ... (read in full...)
Should I break up with him? He tried to force himself on me, but I refused. Does he love me or is he just interested in sex?
Q. I'm 22 plus my boyfriend is 27plus we had been dating getting to 4 years now we both love each other but now I can't tell if he still loves me. Any time I pay him visit now he does things that I felt are not right for us. Now like touching my...
A. 13 March 2013: I agree that, without knowing a bit of background, your post is very confusing, it makes little sense. Because, let's suppose you are from a country and culture that does not condone premarital sex and intimate contacts, and he is supposed... (read in full...)
In love after 1 week, wanted to move in together after 2 weeks and now its week 3 I'm getting cold feet! Help!
Q. Hey! I am having a really hard time trying to figure out my feelings, so I thought I would ask for the help of those whose judgement is not clouded by emotions! :^) So it's a simple story, old as the sun. I met a fantastic guy on a dating site (t...
A. 13 March 2013: Yeah, unluckily that may be the case. Maybe I am still under the influence of having seen " Anna Karenina " at the cinema ,lol, but .. " crash and burn " is typical of passion. You've got to see what's there underneath passion, if it's just ... (read in full...)
Should I welcome him back with open arms...?
Q. Hi I'm back so my man of 5 yrs went to meet his daughter she is 14 they are meeting for the first time he left on 2/12/13 and has been there since. He calls everyday or text to let me know what's going on. My problem is his "baby mama" she wants a ...
A. 13 March 2013: Seen that this is the first time he has seen her in 14 years, yes it would make sense it is for the child's sake, if he wants to know her and attempt to establish a father/daughter relationship, a month is really not such a long time !
So the " ex... (read in full...)
Can we salvage this relationship?
Q. I've been with my girlfriend for about 16 months now. The first 6-8 months were wonderful, but the progression started slowing down after that. Specifically here are the issues we are trying to work on: 1) She tells me I don't have much of a r...
A. 13 March 2013: Then MAKE it work. Spend time with her kid, throw a party for both her friends and yours, bring her home to mom next Sunday etc. etc. ( I agree with you about your point 3, but it must be because I belong to a pre Facebook generation , other ... (read in full...)
In love after 1 week, wanted to move in together after 2 weeks and now its week 3 I'm getting cold feet! Help!
Q. Hey! I am having a really hard time trying to figure out my feelings, so I thought I would ask for the help of those whose judgement is not clouded by emotions! :^) So it's a simple story, old as the sun. I met a fantastic guy on a dating site (t...
A. 13 March 2013: Oh that's an easy one.
1) Moving in after 3 weeks is way too early, even if the guy was Leonardo da Vinci rolled in with Brad Pitt and a pinch of Gandhi.
2) People in a committed , serious relationship are not active on dating sites. Not even out... (read in full...)
Boyfriend says four is too many guys to have been intimate with. He broke up with me
Q. My boyfriend and I broke up yesterday. Few hours later we decided to make it a short break of 2 days or so just to take some time off. The reason why that happened? I told him that I have been intimate with four guys before we met(We are in a ...
A. 13 March 2013: What else can you do, but moving on. If this guy says that 4 partners are too many , it means he wants a woman who has had from zero to max 3 sexual partners, so- not you, but someone else. You can't change your past , but you should not have to ... (read in full...)
Are we just friends with benefits, or something more?
Q. I was casually seeing this guy for a month when he ended it saying that something had happened with another girl. We ended amicably, no feelings hurt. A week later a group of us went out and luckily it wasn't awkward between us. In fact we spent ...
A. 13 March 2013: It's easier to pull a girl that you know than a complete stranger. And it is also easy and convenient to shot some nice text every now and then, no big effort, to string her along and always keep her comfortably handy and usable until something ... (read in full...)
Do I look for sexual pleasure elsewhere since my wife has no interest?
Q. We are both 60, very active and coming up to 30 years of marriage but we haven't had sex for three to four months. She has become very sore down below and despite visits to the doctor things are not getting better. Understandably perhaps her ...
A. 13 March 2013: Empty-1, your wife was not 60 when she had your children. ( Btw, does she know that she 's ready for the glue factory the moment she should unfortunately become incapacitated to have intercourse ? )
I think that people just does not want to gras... (read in full...)
My Bf claims a supportive girlfriend would stay awake with him everytime he can't sleep, How can I best support him?
Q. Hi all, my problem is simple I need to know how to stay awake even when I'm really tired. My boyfriend has trouble sleeping and I really don't understand it because he says he can never sleep but by the time I wake up he's swaying back and forth a...
A. 12 March 2013: But what does he DO about his insomnia, other than pestering you and tryng to guilt trip you for not having his same problem ?
Did he see his doctor ? Has he been checked to find out if it comes from a neurological condition, or a biochemical imba... (read in full...)
What can I say when boyfriend jokes that I should get pregnant? I feel pressured by his words.
Q. My boyfriend sometimes makes jokes that I should get pregnant. Eg rub my stomach or put his ear to my stomach. Even though I'm not pregnant. He also days things like " if you got pregnant then I'll have to take this new job. I'll support you no ...
A. 12 March 2013: Do YOU want to get pregnant ? no,not yet ? Then let him joke at his heart's content, and keep using protection. In fact, go on the pill right away if you are not on it yet. Then , his pressure will be 99.5% irrelevant ( if you are scrupolous in ... (read in full...)
Do I look for sexual pleasure elsewhere since my wife has no interest?
Q. We are both 60, very active and coming up to 30 years of marriage but we haven't had sex for three to four months. She has become very sore down below and despite visits to the doctor things are not getting better. Understandably perhaps her ...
A. 12 March 2013: This is not a matter of feminism, it is a matter of plain common sense.
A dick is a vital, important organ, but it does not substitute the function of a brain, let's try to use each organ for his own adequate function.
Pain is pain, and sore is ... (read in full...)
After being together for years I find out something about my wife that has shaken my trust in her to the core! I don't know how to deal with this
Q. 13 years ago, I met a wonderful woman in University who has now been my wife for 8 years. We have kids (with another on the way) and are happy however recently, during a discussion she elaborated on a story of how she hooked with one of her past ...
A. 11 March 2013: Overreacting yes, that's for sure, totally maybe not, in the sense that one can understand your disappointment at finding out that your perfect drean girl, your immaculate angel is a woman in flesh and blood like anybody else, who gets drunk, makes ... (read in full...)
Why would being on the pill make my face bloated?
Q. I've noticed since being off the pill my face has thinned out, I did notice when I was on it my face always looked more fuller and sometimes bloated which I couldn't understand.. So I decided to come off it to see if it was a result from the pill ...
A. 11 March 2013: Water retention, probably ( an excessive build up of fluids in the circulatory systen or body tissues ). It is a rather frequent side effect of BC pills.... (read in full...)
Why does he still have his mail going to his mom's house?
Q. Why does he still keep his mothers adress on everything when he's been living with me for almost 3yrs already? Its my house yes we are both divorced yes he's commited 2me...but why won't he change his address now? Please give me some feedback...!...
A. 11 March 2013: It may not mean anything in particular, and happen just out of convenience or sheer laziness. Changing officially your address is always a pain in the neck, you've got to inform of the change all the people who need to contact you, there might be ... (read in full...)
Are people that take risks better off than those who play it safe?
Q. Everybody is against him (Save for friends who support me), yet i love him by everybody i mean my family they dont like him because he has a baby mama However we love each other. its depressing sometimes.. i have been telling them that its just...
A. 11 March 2013: why having a baby mama makes him not single ?... Is he still living with the baby mama, still involved with her even occasionally ?...
If he's not, and his baby mama is safely in his past since tears and they only have contact concerning thei... (read in full...)
Is my boyfriend protective or is controlling?
Q. Recently, if I have been going to my friends house ( once , actually recently) my boyfriend would be like ' are you home yet? When you coming home? Please come Home' when it would be around 11 ish or so on a school night. I am 18, boyfriend 20. Last ...
A. 11 March 2013: Controlling.
Very controlling. That would be too much for your own dad !, after all you are 18 , not a child, you are supposed to know that the day after you've got school and how long you can stay up without feeling rubbish in the morning.
We... (read in full...)
My husband's friendship with a co-worker has escalated. Now that I know he wants to still stay friends with her. I said no. Am I wrong?
Q. My husband's friendship with a co-worker has escalated to kissing and pet names and intimate vocabulary via emails. We recently became friends as couples and have enjoy their company on a few occasions. Upon noticing unusual private conversa...
A. 11 March 2013: Uhm, probably not. And I think the other lady's husband would see it just like you.... (read in full...)
How can I be of support to my Bf who is trying to leave his baby Mama?
Q. My boyfriend is going through changes because he is trying to leave his baby mama for me How can I be of support? Because sometimes I feel guilty that I am getting all of him .......
A. 11 March 2013: Same as other hundred thousands people who get divorced or terminate a bad relationship. What makes his case so special ? ... (read in full...)
My long term boyfriend will not help me with my application. This is stressing me. What can I do?
Q. This is my problem. I’ve been with this guy for almost for years in distance relationship. Last year I couldn’t fix things with moving my studies to his country so I broke up with him, because I didn’t have strength to do it anymore but really s...
A. 11 March 2013: Can't you apply just sending all the required documents by mail ? I know TONS of people who applied to foreign Universities and not all of them, in fact, almost none , had the time and the money for going in person to enroll in their new ... (read in full...)
Could he actually be interested? Do guys after a FWB relationship usually make a point of keeping in touch every day, making 'dates' in advance?
Q. Thanks to a lack of willing participants, a casual acquaintance and I ended up having a night out at the pub. We're both single and ended up going back to his place. We had an amazing few hours and crashed out. He was supposed to be heading out f...
A. 11 March 2013: OP, not to be polemic, if you are happy we are happy, but " we assume ", I think, because you wrote " ...I would not be adverse to something more. How do I bring this up without scaring him off ? ". So, it would seem you aren't just calmly ... (read in full...)
My depressed Bf is shutting everyone out, including me. What are the best ways to support him?
Q. My boyfriend has been having issues choosing his major for months. It's taken its toll on him and he did go to the psychiatrist four days ago and was diagnosed depression- he was subsequently put on xanax for anxiety and prozac last Wednesda...
A. 11 March 2013: Yes, OP, try to calm down and to not take things personally. Remember that he is not sick of you, he is just sick, full stop. After all ,if he had a broken leg, in a cast, you would not fret because he won't come dancing or skating with you, right ... (read in full...)
My depressed Bf is shutting everyone out, including me. What are the best ways to support him?
Q. My boyfriend has been having issues choosing his major for months. It's taken its toll on him and he did go to the psychiatrist four days ago and was diagnosed depression- he was subsequently put on xanax for anxiety and prozac last Wednesda...
A. 11 March 2013: Yes, OP, try to calm down and to not take things personally. Remember that he is not sick of you, he is just sick, full stop. After all ,if he had a broken leg, in a cast, you would not fret because he won't come dancing or skating with you, right ... (read in full...)
Confidence issue? Emotional intelligence problem? Just conversational skills issue? When I'm trying to have a normal conversation with people, something wrong always comes out
Q. Everytime i'm trying to have a normal conversation with people, something wrong comes out. It gets weird and they will all try to correct me. I dont know the way to speak to people and it hurts me daily. I always feel stupid and useless to th...
A. 10 March 2013: OP, for us to be able to give you some sort of an answer, you should kindly elaborate a little. What do you mean by " wrong " and " weird " ?
What are the difficulties exactly- you pop up with things that you never meant to say... you are unab... (read in full...)
Could he actually be interested? Do guys after a FWB relationship usually make a point of keeping in touch every day, making 'dates' in advance?
Q. Thanks to a lack of willing participants, a casual acquaintance and I ended up having a night out at the pub. We're both single and ended up going back to his place. We had an amazing few hours and crashed out. He was supposed to be heading out f...
A. 10 March 2013: I said it already on DC and I'll say it again,with many apologies to whom may have got tired of reading the same thing :
it blows me over how low women nowadays keep their expectations, and how they assume that an only,or mostly , phys... (read in full...)
Why do selfish people get what they want?
Q. I know this is going to sound petty and ridiculous, and there probably isn't much anyone can advise other than to stop thinking about it, but I just want to vent and get some opinions on this. Why does it sometimes seem like selfish people get ...
A. 10 March 2013: I guess it depends on how you define success, and the price you are willing to pay for it. Selfish people may be more successful in certain areas and less in others. Your sister for instance is having success in her romantic life, but was not ... (read in full...)
My depressed Bf is shutting everyone out, including me. What are the best ways to support him?
Q. My boyfriend has been having issues choosing his major for months. It's taken its toll on him and he did go to the psychiatrist four days ago and was diagnosed depression- he was subsequently put on xanax for anxiety and prozac last Wednesda...
A. 10 March 2013: You need to be patient, don't watch him as if he were a pot of water put to boil.
Prozac can take a while to kick in, 6 or 8 weeks or so - if it does kick in, because with SSRIs there's no one-size-fits-all, it's a trial and error thing, you try ... (read in full...)
I don't like anyone. Should I force myself to like someone?
Q. Growing up, girls usually didn't show much interest in me. Apparently they usually think I'm weird. Not weird as in, stay in my room all day and play video games and role play as the characters (Not that I'm judging), weird as in, I say and do ...
A. 10 March 2013: That you are doing a lot of navel-gazing, even for 23, and that you are so concentrated on thinking about your life that you forget to live it.
Simplify. Just do your stuff, pursue your goals, build your career, cultivate your interests, foll... (read in full...)
3 days after our breakup my ex was dating someone else. Could he really care about her?
Q. My ex has now a new woman in his life we split up almost two months ago and three days later he was dating someone else. Could he really care about her as much as I am hearing from other people or is this just a rebound relationship. I was told they ...
A. 10 March 2013: I agree with Oldbag, some people can move on fast , but 3 days is real fast, so he must have had her waiting in the wings before the break up and have made her official just now.
Perhaps the reason why you are asking is because you hope that... (read in full...)
Is it weird that I like chubby guys?
Q. I'm a tall, skinny 17 year old that likes chubby guys. I just wanted to know if its weird that I like chubby guys? Also I wanted to know if chubby guys like skinny girls?...
A. 10 March 2013: No it's not weird, and least of all in your country ( in mine we are a bit more finicky about weight ). I mean, just have a look around ! everywhere you can see not just chubby , but human mountains of big guys with their women . Some of these ... (read in full...)
My girlfriend's reluctance to add me to Facebook has made me suspicious
Q. I never thought I would be writing to DearCupid about this kind of question. Usually when I see questions about facebook, my advice is to just get over it because it's just facebook. Relationsips shouldn't be based on what he/she liked on someone ...
A. 10 March 2013: Not really, anonymous. Chigirl is in her twenties, IAmHereToHelp you is a teenager ,and old Cerberus is 30something.
I'd confirm your theory, because I amolder and don't " get " social media, but for various reason I am always around young peop... (read in full...)
Why do I always get used by people? Am I right to be upset by what happened with this guy?
Q. Hey everyone, so there's this guy I've been seeing (for about 2 months), he hasn't asked me to be his girlfriend , but we meet up every other day. Anyway, he lives about an hour away from me and asked me to pick him up so we can hang out at my p...
A. 10 March 2013: Overreacting ?,lol- You should have put him out by the scruff of his neck, and told him to call a cab to go home ! or, actually, to call his "mom " , so they can get started with their errands ! he even got driven back where he wanted at the ... (read in full...)
I feel like one of my best pals no longer needs me. What is the best way to deal with this?
Q. Hi. I feel like one of my best pals doesn't need me anymore and couldn't care less about me. Since he's had his new gf neither me nor any of our mates have really seen him. At first I understood this as at the start of a relationship you...
A. 10 March 2013: This is not as strange as you may think. First, the guy is in love, still in the honeymoon phase, they say it lasts 18 to 36 months. Some people really do not need to ever come up for air ,so to speak, during this phase.
Also, you have to cons... (read in full...)
Does this woman really want to be with me?
Q. Ok, so here's the deal. It's very difficult for me to write about this, but I am in desperate need of some impartial view of the whole situation. I've been seeing this girl for the last five months, almost on a daily basis. Every time we are toge...
A. 9 March 2013: I think you could be waiting for a long time. Make it, forever.
And I think that this is the problem with being with a cheater, you can't trust trust, you can never be sure they are telling you the truth. Because obviously they are good at hidi... (read in full...)
Sent him an email ending things hoping for a bit of resistance but he accepted it. I am so sad, what do I do now?
Q. Hello I have been involved in a 3 1/2 year relationship. My bf likes to flirt a lot, he is in his mid 40s and in my opinion weak willed. We also work together in the same building and recently on the same floor for a period of time. In this time i...
A. 9 March 2013: Games. Grown up middle aged people do not play games. they say what they mean and they mean what they say. If you had really meant to finish it off, it would not matter how he took it, because you'd have accomplished your end. Instead, you did not ... (read in full...)
Did I give the impression that I was just too Easy?
Q. Did I come off as easy? I went over to the house of a guy I like and gave him oral (I was on my period) after he started making out with me. We never had any proper dates, but we had been flirting over the past couple of weeks and we hung out a fe...
A. 9 March 2013: Perhaps, but I don't think that NOW he does not want you anymore because you came off as easy.
I think the deck was rigged from the start and this guy just wanted a booty call anyway.
Otherwise, he would have properly asked you out, took you... (read in full...)
How can I be of support to my Bf who is trying to leave his baby Mama?
Q. My boyfriend is going through changes because he is trying to leave his baby mama for me How can I be of support? Because sometimes I feel guilty that I am getting all of him .......
A. 2 March 2013: You do not get " all of him ". He has not left yet, he's just " tryng ". ... (read in full...)
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