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... Send *. Grant a private message | | | *. Grant's profile:Reading Ann Landers for years growing up told me that there are all kinds of people who have issues they can't talk about with the people they're closest to. Dear Cupid is really just the modern equivalent, but so much more immediate. This is a place where people can get real input from real people. I'm happy to help where I can. |
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I want more opportunities to have sex without family around!
Q. Hi, I know this sounds silly but I could use some advice on it. I'm 16 and my boyfriend and I have been dating for about a year and a half now. I lost my virginity to him, he wasn't a virgin, this past October. Now the problem is that we never ge...
A. 19 February 2010: I really like Aunty Bim's answer.
I presume that both parents' think "not under my roof." Which I would say to my 16 y/o daughter. So, ain't gonna happen at home. If you're earning enough money go rent a motel room, go for it. Otherwis... (read in full...)
How do I tell my father I am moving in with my boyfriend?
Q. im 18, how do i tell my father im moving in wit my boyfriend?...
A. 19 February 2010: How about, "Dad, I'm moving in with my boyfriend."
Sorry to be flippant about it, but let's get real here. Either you've decided that you're grown up and moving on with your life, or you're a kid looking for approval. Do you really think th... (read in full...)
Should you marry someone if the sex is terrible?
Q. Should you marry someone if the sex is not good and there is no possible way for it to get any better?...
A. 19 February 2010: Looking at your original question in the context of your one follow-up, I'll revise my answer. You aren't happy. You're looking for something more, you think that "something more" is out there. If you marry this person, you'll still be looking ... (read in full...)
Does size matter guys?
Q. What do guys think of large labia? I don't mind mine just wondering how guys feel! Ta x...
A. 18 February 2010: If a guy is close enough to be able to see that kind of detail, there's usually not enough blood near his brain to notice. Don't worry about it.... (read in full...)
Should you marry someone if the sex is terrible?
Q. Should you marry someone if the sex is not good and there is no possible way for it to get any better?...
A. 18 February 2010: For some people sex isn't that important. If he's otherwise loving, attentive, hard-working, etc. then it might be fine.
You know yourself and what's important to you. If you can't imagine spending the rest of your time on earth without good sex... (read in full...)
Does he have a drinking problem or am I overreacting?
Q. Hello, I have been with my bf for 4 yrs now. I am worried about his drinking. It didnt bother me before now it is because I am thinking about our feature. He always did drink, once I moved in with him I notice just how much. He used to b...
A. 15 February 2010: Yes, he has a problem. And it sounds like he's on track to having it become progressively worse.
You need to let him know that you're concerned. Do it in a non-confrontational way. It might be helpful to contact Al-Anon to get suggesti... (read in full...)
Why won't my boyfriend's parents let me sleep over?
Q. I have been going out with my boyfriend for almost 3 years. I am 20 and he is 21. We have always taken things slow and have by no means been rash or irresponsible. My parents have always bestowed a lot of trust in me and they are far from strict ...
A. 13 February 2010: His parents have the right to determine what goes on under their roof. It may have nothing to do with safe sex or responsible sex. It may instead be that they don't want to condone premarital sex. If they don't approve of premarital sex, it's ... (read in full...)
I've never been kissed and worry that I'll be bad at it
Q. So this guy and I have been talking for a few months now, and hung out twice. We both like each other, but are not dating yet. The thing is I am 17 years old, and have NEVER been kissed!!! I kissed boys when I was like 5, but Ive never been truly ...
A. 11 February 2010: Kissing comes very naturally. If you're into it, you'll figure it out very quickly. Do not warn him. Just learn on the job like everyone else. Enjoy!... (read in full...)
I am 13 and I am conteplating giving my boyfriend my virginity for valentines day
Q. ok. so me and my bf have been together for like EVER. we've been together so long that i lost count of the months. befor i lost count it was like 18 months. anyway i love him so much and i want to please him for v-day(if u know wat i mean) but im ...
A. 11 February 2010: If you were sure it was a good idea, would you post here to get opinions from internet strangers? Kiddo, you have doubts, and that's very smart. Because what you're thinking of doing is a big step, and there's no going back.
Ask yourself... (read in full...)
How do I resolve all of these issues that I have with my dad?
Q. I'm don't know how to resolve an ongoing issue with my dad. He and I haven't been that close for many years. He left us just before I started gradeschool and he started a new family. He was a fun guy for me when I was a kid, but then he changed very ...
A. 1 February 2010: One of the things our society does is give us an idealized image of what our parents are supposed to be like. Some lucky folks have parents close enough to that 'ideal' that they avoid having 'issues.' Most of us are not so lucky.
Part of my pi... (read in full...)
Do I stay and work in UAE to support my children's basic needs and education, or do I go back to Philippines and work again as a teacher to guide my children?
Q. Hello Aunts and Uncles, I am a 38 yr old mother, self-supporting my 3 children, ages 15, 9, and 5. My husband is not helping me out financially for the children reasons I left my work as a public teacher back in the Philippines and work abroad....
A. 30 January 2010: Your question speaks volumes -- you are trying very hard to do what's best for your children, and are confronted with very difficult choices.
I rather doubt that most aunts/uncles here really appreciate your situation - I certainly don't. But my ... (read in full...)
I'm regretting what I did to my sister when we were younger, what am I supposed to do?
Q. ok, this is strange one. what have i done!! this is even weird and awkward for me to type but... for years ive been really anxious and worried about what happened to me and my sister when we were young. i was about 12 and she about 6. we played ...
A. 28 January 2010: OK, you know it was wrong. She knows that you're aware it was wrong and that you regret that it happened. The only thing left for you to do is forgive yourself. Once you've managed to do that, it will be easier to treat the incident with the ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend has told me many things that have made me feel so bad about my body.
Q. What can I do? My boyfriend has told me many things that have made me feel so bad about my body. In his mind, he's just being honest and blunt, but in the end "it doesn't matter, because I LOVE you!" - like it was a magical phrase to make me feel ...
A. 28 January 2010: So let's just be clear at the outset -- there is nothing wrong with you. Your boyfriend is rude and insensitive, nothing more, nothing less. He hasn't clue one about how to be in a supportive relationship.
If he really loves you, he accepts ... (read in full...)
Do cheating men believe their own lies, it's always the wife's fault?
Q. Do cheating men who abandon their wives and families feel guilty? Feel anything? Responsibility? Do they really believe thier own lies, that somehow it was the wife's fault? "She drove me to it"?, all the while still sleeping with their wife? If ...
A. 27 January 2010: Your question is rhetorical, but I'll have a try at answering anyway. It sounds like a mid-life crisis, which in extreme cases can make men behave as if they had a mental illness. That seems to particularly be the case when their conscience was ... (read in full...)
In order for them to 'improve' their own life and become strong men, I have to boot them out! Right?
Q. Hi, I'm a 53 year old lady, with 3 kids. Husband and I are divorced and he works away, in another area of the country. My kids are all adults, 2 sons aged 29 and 18, 1 daughter, aged 31. The older 2 kids have 'boomeranged' back to living here with ...
A. 27 January 2010: You are in a very tough spot, but your instincts are absolutely right on. Those boys are in some very serious need of growing up, and it isn't going to happen as long as they can sponge off you. Your daughter is being responsible and respectful -- ... (read in full...)
I was raped and need advice on what to do
Q. i'am really lost and really do not know what to do, it's really hard to say but i have not told anyone in the 2years that it has happened. i was raped when i was 15 there was more to it, as i formed an attachment towards this man. he was a security ...
A. 27 January 2010: I'm so sorry you're having to deal with this. I commend you for having the courage to look for help.
Most cities have crisis lines that you can call for free. Check in your telephone directory for a rape crisis line. They will have a counsell... (read in full...)
Do you guys believe in bad luck? What do you think about my situation?
Q. Do you guys believe in bad luck? Please tell me what you think...Oh let me tell you about my last years of life. Family members died, 2 pets died, failed 5 year relationship, car was stolen, washer broke, furnace broke, water heater broke, b...
A. 16 January 2010: I've seen it lots of times, going both ways. Sometimes you just can't do anything wrong, everything comes up roses. And sometimes it just turns, and it's like the universe is out to get you. So yes, I definitely believe in luck, and in runs of ... (read in full...)
Did I do the right thing by stopping my daughter from masturbating?
Q. My eleven year old girl has been masturbating lately. Last year for her birthday i bought her this toy dog that when you pull the tail it vibrates. Four days ago i peeked into her room and saw her repeatedly pulling the tail and she had it on her ...
A. 2 January 2010: I'm sorry, but I don't agree with stopping her.
One of my daughters discovered masturbation around that age, if not somewhat younger. How do I know? She used to come home from school, crawl under a blanket in front of the TV while I was maki... (read in full...)
My girlfriend has a low sex drive and I am worried it might cause problems in the future!
Q. Ive been dating the women of my dreams, for almost 2 years now. We want to get married. only problem i fear is that she has a low sex drive. Now to be honest im a nymph :) how do i get her to be free and open with me, i am the one constantly ...
A. 2 January 2010: The most important sex organ is the brain, so communication is going to be key here. You need to find out whether she is simply shy, if she's suffering from body image issues, or if there's something more sinister in her background like abuse. If ... (read in full...)
Are these synonyms?
Q. is there a difference between cuming and an orgasm or are they the same thing? do they happen at the same time?...
A. 24 December 2009: Same thing.... (read in full...)
Dear cupid
Q. Hello Guys and Girls, I sincerley hope you all have a problem free 2010!! and all your dreams come true... Happy Christmas. Love NatMarie. xxx...
A. 24 December 2009: Thanks -- and the very same to you.... (read in full...)
Can anyone make me feel better about this? I think porn has changed the way people perceive women.
Q. Hi. I had a boyfriend a few years back and we'd both never done anything with anyone. when i trusted him, i took my clothes of for the first time in front of him and the first thing he said was "Urgh, youre not like the girls off porn" I was very ...
A. 24 December 2009: I don't see how porn can't have had an influence. It used to be that, to see a picture of a naked woman, a boy had to shoplift a copy of Playboy or Penthouse, and the pics in there were incredibly tame compared to what you can access for free on ... (read in full...)
I want to have sex as a Christmas present!
Q. I'm 14 and I want to have sex for the first time with my boyfriend for a late Christmas present. I know where everything goes and the mechanics of it, but how do I go about beginning it, making myself horny so that I feel less self-conscious and I ...
A. 20 December 2009: If it's the right time and the right relationship, you won't have to worry about feeling self-conscious. The fact that you have these concerns should be telling you something about how good an idea this is. There's no hurry, you know. There will ... (read in full...)
My step daughter is flirting with me, making me all hot and bothered
Q. I am 47 years old and after being divorced for almost ten years I remarried a women who has a 18 year old daughter. She is college now but when she comes home she flirts with me. My sex life with my wife has become almost non exsistant and she ...
A. 19 December 2009: You're only human, so don't beat yourself up because her teasing is getting to you. So far you're doing the right thing -- staying adult and not letting her see that she's getting to you. Keep it up -- you can't help that you're attracted to her, ... (read in full...)
Is it weird to get turned on by the pain of first time sex?
Q. Ok im a girl and i was wondering if this is normal. I talked to my friends and they all said it will hurt your first time haveing sex and even made there boyfriends stop. When i had sex for the first time it did hurt but i liked the pain alot and ...
A. 19 December 2009: I don't know if this would apply to a first time, but I've read some studies of pain during sex (the S&M thing, for example). The explanation was that your nerves are so preoccupied with the pleasure from sex, particularly as you approach orgasm, ... (read in full...)
I'm worried about the first time and not living up to expectations!
Q. Ok, so I've been dating this girl for two and a half months, and I think we're in love. Today she asked me to come over and to finger her, but I said I couldn't because I was too nervous. I know I shouldn't be, if we really are in love then she ...
A. 19 December 2009: The best thing you can do for yourself (and her) is to wait until it "feels right."
If you're in love, if the relationship is developing into something worthwhile, you will want to do more things as you get to know each other better. You'll d... (read in full...)
To go or not to go!
Q. I have been with my boyfriend for 8 years, he has two children from a previous marriage. When we first started dating I wasn't sure if I wanted children or marriage. Now I know I do want one (a child) and I would like to get married. I am getting ...
A. 15 December 2009: People change. You started the relationship on more or less the same level (not wanting new kids), but you've moved on. You love him, perhaps he loves you too. So he needs to talk about it, whether he wants to or not.
Find a counsell... (read in full...)
How can I give a good handjob?
Q. Tomorrow night I'm going to my boyfriend's house and we agreed that we were ready and mature enough to give that step in our relationship. How can I give a good handjob? ...
A. 15 December 2009: Just listen. His sounds will tell you what's good. For a first time you want him to guide you, spontaneously. ... (read in full...)
Mixing alcohol and drugs
Q. I'm hoping that someone can give me some advice here. Can being on a course of anti depressants and drinking alcohol be destructive to someone and cause them to make rash decisions? I would really appreciate some advice on this subject. Thank ...
A. 13 December 2009: I'm not a doctor, and it sounds like professional medical advice is what you need. But -- from what I've heard, anti-depressants should only be taken when you're abstaining from alcohol. Alcohol is a depressive drug. Anti-depressants don't ... (read in full...)
He married me for my money and cheated, but I love our children.
Q. I married a man who seemed perfect. We both have 2 children each. Everyone thinks he's perfect, my parents, my friends, I can't talk to any. After 1 year of marriage I found out he had been cheating on me b4 we married, when he and his kids moved ...
A. 12 December 2009: It's bad enough that he is willing to live by mooching from you. But the infidelity and STDs? That's beyond the Pale.
I commend you for having bonded so well with his kids, and with your concern for the eldest. You're right that they need sta... (read in full...)
After 24 years of marriage he now tells me he wished he'd had sex with more women! This is making me very insecure
Q. After nearly 24 years of marriage my husband, aged 51, announced to me that 'the biggest regret of his life was that he hadn't had sex with more women'. I also found out at the same time that he had lied to me about being a virgin when we met and ...
A. 8 December 2009: Sometimes our mid-life crises suck our brains out. A friend of mine told his wife that he had a crush on a girl at work. Hello? There are some things you keep to yourself, and that's one of them. As was your husband's comment.
Howev... (read in full...)
16 and possibly pregnant... any advice?
Q. FREAKING OUT!!!!! I'm 16 years old and I have been pregnant before when I was 15, I had a surgical miscarriage. I regret it every bit, but I know for a fact that i was not ready for a baby. I'm still not ready, I think I'm pregnant again, I'm show...
A. 8 December 2009: Go to the drug store and buy a pregnancy test. Make an appointment with a doctor to confirm the result. Don't freak out until you are sure you know what's really going on.
You have ruled out abortion, so your choices are keeping the baby and... (read in full...)
Should I just let sleeping dogs lie?
Q. I was molested as a child by my brothers but even though I was the youngest, we were only one and two years apart. I remember things from when I was 5 up until I left home at 15. I never spoke to them after that and have a lot of anxiety when it ...
A. 5 December 2009: You're in your 40s, you've made a life, and still what happened until you were 15 is in your mind. So yes, you do need to deal with it once and for all -- clearly, ignoring it hasn't made it go away. Consult a counsellor who is experienced in ... (read in full...)
I am in a dead marriage!
Q. What are the reasons for saving a dead marriage? Is this for God? Or the kids? I'm confused? Why do we suffer in unhappy marriages? Why do we stay in them so long ,than at the end we can barely move. I do this myself. It's just does not work, bu...
A. 3 December 2009: You really haven't given us much to go on. Is there abuse? Addiction? Those are certainly valid reasons to call it quits. After that things IMHO get a bit more gray.... (read in full...)
I'm looking for positive quotes and sayings to write in my notebook.
Q. Im looking for quotes and sayings...or anything i can write in my notebook. I want to fill it, with positive things, and memories. Im going through a really tough time in my life, with things like school, "friends", my bf that ive lost c...
A. 3 December 2009: Good for you for trying to stay positive. That's a fabulous attitude!
You might check out this website:
http://portalstopeace.com/Portals.htm
Lots of uplifting quotes and messages there.... (read in full...)
I'm afraid that my husband will never look at me the same if he witnesses the birth of our first son!
Q. My dilema is that I am currently 38 1/2 weeks pregnant and I'm afraid that my husband will never look at me the same if he witnesses the birth of our first son. He says he does not want to see anything and will just stay up north during the ...
A. 2 December 2009: I have to confess, I looked south just as our first daughter was crowning and it was a very 'yuck' moment. And I started out waaay less squeamish than your husband sounds. Did it have any long-term consequences? Certainly not. Believe me, by the ... (read in full...)
I don't believe pretty women with breasts make good wives!
Q. Dear Agony Aunts, There's a song that goes "If you want to be happy for the rest of your life, never make a pretty woman your wife.." Homely women aren't as sought after and they're not as likely to cheat on a husband or boyfriend. It so...
A. 2 December 2009: Oh for goodness sake. I haven't often said this, but what a ridiculous question.
The girl I married could have been a twin of a late 70s Playboy centrefold. When we were dating I jokingly called her by that name (Viki Lassiter, for anyone o... (read in full...)
Can lack of affection and sex contribute to or even cause depression?
Q. Can lack of affection and sex contribute to or even cause depression? I have been in a 25-year marriage and being rejected or deprived of affection and sex is making me nearly ill to the point that I am questioning my desirability. and wonderin...
A. 1 December 2009: Your reaction to this situation is quite understandable. I hear from guys all the time who complain that their wives are no longer interested in sex, but I've seen a surprising number of women on this site with your complaint too.
We can't kn... (read in full...)
What do men experience during their 'first time'? How can I help him?
Q. I have a boyfriend who is a year younger than i am. He is 18 and i am ninteen. We have been together for a year and half now and he wants to lose his virginity with me. I am not a virgin, but i really dont know how will i "guide him." We have talked ...
A. 30 November 2009: Physically the first time is the same as subsequent times -- not like girls with the hymen and such.
As for emotionally, it really depends upon the guy. For some virginity is something to be gotten rid of as quickly as possible. Others treat it... (read in full...)
I performed oral sex on my best friend. Now he won't talk to me!
Q. At the beginning of this year, I met possibly the most amazing guy at my university. We became almost best friends through the course of the year, we did everything together and talked everyday. However, I had fallen really hard for him. Although he ...
A. 27 November 2009: Sounds like regret spiced with guilt. He didn't want anything more than a friendship, he let the drinks influence his judgement, and now he can't see you the same way he did before.
Give it time, and don't pressure him. Just let your body lan... (read in full...)
We're confused about our new friendship with another couple... any insight?
Q. background: my wife and i met this couple at a restaurant few (2-3) months back. they have a 3-yr old daughter and ours is 4-yrs. over this time, we have seen each other (mostly couple w/kids dinners or get-togethers) about once every 2 weeks. apart ...
A. 27 November 2009: The really damning sign is that you thought there were things you couldn't relay to your wife. This a sign of trouble, pure and simple.
Be completely upfront with these people. When they say something that makes you uncomfortable, tell them. I... (read in full...)
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