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... Send *. Grant a private message | | | *. Grant's profile:Reading Ann Landers for years growing up told me that there are all kinds of people who have issues they can't talk about with the people they're closest to. Dear Cupid is really just the modern equivalent, but so much more immediate. This is a place where people can get real input from real people. I'm happy to help where I can. |
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Should I help pay for my new stepdaughter's college?
Q. I am a male in the USA in my 40's. I plan on getting married again in a few months. I have 2 young sons age 9 and 6. I pay support for them and see them 3 times a week. One child likes my GF the other one does not. She also does not get along with ...
A. 24 August 2010: Having separate bank accounts in a first marriage speaks to me of lack of commitment. In a second marriage it can be quite a different matter.
You haven't told us what sort of understanding you have with your fiance. Is she marrying you with the... (read in full...)
It bothers me that my friend changed her name when she got married
Q. My friend at work got married in private three months ago, and took her husband's name. It was a couple of weeks before we (her friends) found out. It was all so sudden. We all had to get used to her having a completely different last name, but I...
A. 24 August 2010: What an odd thing to be bothered about. Obviously you're not in Quebec, where it's not permitted to take your husband's name.
At the risk of stating the obvious, it's none of your business. If you value the friendship, butt out.
You might try... (read in full...)
Any tips to lose some weight?
Q. im a male in my early fifties my wife is in her late fifties we have been married for 32 years almost 33 im 6ft 1 shes a tiny 5ft2 she weighes about 125 pounds and all of it still in all the right places she could pass for 35 or 40 she takes care of ...
A. 20 August 2010: The bottom line is you have to take in fewer calories than you burn. You're doing good stuff to burn them, but as you get older your metabolism changes, so for the same amount of exercise you can't eat as much. So you've got to burn more or eat ... (read in full...)
Ever since he came back, he hasn't been the same!
Q. I have been with my husband for almost 4 years. We were together a full year before he got sent to Iraq. When he got back he just wasn't the same person. He was always sweet and caring and buying me roses for no reason. Now he is so short tempered ...
A. 20 August 2010: Hon, it really sounds like he's suffering from PTSD. Do you have a contact person with his unit -- the chaplain, for example? Your man needs some professional help and support. They ran in to some very tough stuff in Iraq, stuff that the folk ... (read in full...)
Why did I do something so bad and for no reason?
Q. Had an affair back in 1994 and had been married for almost 20 years. Can't believe that I did something like that and ended up hurting my daughters and husband so bad. I can't forget what I did, this was not like me, and did not have a reason to ...
A. 19 August 2010: For starters, beating yourself up for sixteen years probably isn't the best idea. It doesn't appear to have been productive, does it? Yes, you made a mistake, but you've owned up to it and are living with the consequences. It's time to learn how ... (read in full...)
Sex during my period?
Q. Okay so, my boyfriend and I have been together for a little over a year now and we have a very active sex life. Since it is so active he has a hard time whenever it comes to the week of my period. He has begged me every week of my period for sex ...
A. 18 August 2010: It doesn't hurt anything. Just put a towel down to spare the sheets.... (read in full...)
I need to save my marriage!!
Q. I need to save my marriage! It is very difficult, because I already went to the doctor and the sex therapist, but they couldn't help me so far. I love my wife, but few years ago, suddenly I stopped feeling sexual desire and developed several sexual ...
A. 18 August 2010: If you've ruled out physical health issues then it's time to consult a mental health professional. Not a sex therapist, a psychiatrist. This came on suddenly, so there must have been some emotional trauma that triggered it, but one that's so ... (read in full...)
How do I get out of this marriage? I'm sooooo bored now that the kids are up and away.
Q. i've been married for 28 years and now that the children are grown and gone i found myself to be living a sedentary and bored life with my wife. i'm tired of the monotony and routine and i want to get out of it because i no longer desire to continue ...
A. 17 August 2010: I usually suggest counselling in these cases, but you sound as if you might be beyond that. The idea that she'd make your life a living hell is disturbing -- do you know exactly what she means by that?
Consult a skilled divorce attorney and find... (read in full...)
Sudden weight loss?
Q. I know this isn't a relationship question but i've tried google and they don't understand what i'm typing. Basically I'm worried about the fact that I've recently lost 11 pounds rather quick and I don't do any exercise or even leave my house for ...
A. 17 August 2010: Not to scare you, but you might want to consider getting tested for diabetes, particularly if it runs in your family. That's a disease that can cause rapid changes in weight.... (read in full...)
Do most marriages becomes sexless when people are in their 50's?
Q. Do most marriages becomes sexless, when people are in their 50 es,due to boredom ,or biological changes? I really need to know that. Mine is like that , and my husband is off sex. And the doctor doesn't know why,but he says dont worry, it is very ...
A. 16 August 2010: It's probably useful to start by defining "sexless" since people have different ideas. The Japanese actually came up with an official description -- less than once per month. A U.S. survey was recently done that defined it as 10 times per year or ... (read in full...)
He's blackmailing me since I broke up with him...
Q. I just broke up with my boyfriend of 14 months and he he will not accept that it is over. He keeps threatening to come and house and tell my parents all my secrets and if i don't reply to his texts he rings the house phone which means i have to ...
A. 16 August 2010: The best way to deal with blackmail is to fess up. Tell your parents what's going on, and then this low life no longer has anything on you. If you have a frank and contrite discussion with your parents they're unlikely to kick you out -- and ... (read in full...)
My kids were rude to my ex. Did I do the right thing?
Q. My girlfriend and I have broken up and gotten back together many times in the last 2 and a half years. When we have broken up sometimes I would vent my frustration to my adult children, not in a vicious way but just trying to get some answers ...
A. 14 August 2010: I don't think you've done anything wrong. Your kids know that it's been and on-again, off-again relationship, which gave them the impression that you're not committed. Further, you were "off-again" while she was trying to visit you. Your kids ... (read in full...)
Never had sex. Is it ever going to happen for me?
Q. I have never had sex. I really wish I could have a boyfriend but guys NEVER hit on me. I have thought of using a service like Craigslist just so I can get laid but I am too scared to do that, I don't know what kind of people are out there. Besides I ...
A. 4 August 2010: It seems the older we get the harder it is to meet someone. When we're teens we're in school, surrounded by people who are like us. Once we graduate and start working, there are fewer and fewer single people our own age with a similar outlook on ... (read in full...)
Best friend's boyfriend won't stop staring at me!
Q. My best friend's boyfriend, whom i dated for over 8 months, won't stop staring at me, I don't know what to do?? any help or advice is appreciatd :/...
A. 2 August 2010: Be upfront and tell him that he's making you uncomfortable.... (read in full...)
Married for 13 years and needy
Q. I have been married for 13+ years and like many our relationship started off with us having sex multiple times a day 7 days a week for about 2 years. However after a while sex has dwindled down to once a week, twice at most. She is treated like a ...
A. 2 August 2010: Yes, you are being taken for granted. Very much so. If you've discussed the problem and she doesn't seem to be tuning in then back off on what you're doing around the house. You have to get her attention.
Keep in mind though that this is typic... (read in full...)
Am I Being Selfish?
Q. Alright, so I just want to know if this is considered being selfish or not. I am in my early 20s, been working for a year, and living at home with the fam since i graduated college in 08. The fam includes 3 younger siblings, mom, and 2 extended fam ...
A. 2 August 2010: No, you're not being selfish. You need to get on with your life, and the rest of your family need to learn to get by on their own.... (read in full...)
Married and still a virgin, the longer I wait the harder it gets
Q. Hi all, I have a problem with my sex life. I have now been married for four years but still a virgin. My problem is I feel afraid and so penetration never happened. We tried lots of times but failed. It is like I contract my hymen and put a pressu...
A. 14 July 2010: Have you spoken to your physician? I believe they can cut your hymen for you so your first time won't be as painful.... (read in full...)
Don't know how to say no to my ex
Q. I have been in a reltaionship for about 10 months, I cheated on my boyfriend once during the first month. it basically killed me. i felt aweful and told him we fought but decided that we could get through it. I told my self i would never do it again ...
A. 12 July 2010: You're not yet ready to commit to someone. Dating is about finding who you want to be with, and you haven't found that person yet. You can say that cheating "almost killed you" but you're right back there again. So toss the drama and carry on ... (read in full...)
Why the double standard?
Q. Why do guys become 'the man', and girls become 'the slut' after sex too soon? i slept with a guy that chased me like crazy and yeah I know...I shouldnt have. if he stopped contact because he thought I was easy, then how is this not a double ...
A. 12 July 2010: Of course it's a double standard -- you're exactly right. ... (read in full...)
She's engaged, but I want to be with her!
Q. I'll try to make this as short as I can. I had a crush on this girl for several years. I told her how I felt a few times and got shot down each time. Eventually I told her that I give up. That was about 5 years ago. We ended up not talking to ...
A. 12 July 2010: Ya, she might have feelings for you, but they're nothing like the feelings you have for her. She's sowing her wild oats before she gets married, and will leave you heartbroken. Take it from someone who's been there -- she's gonna go with the guy ... (read in full...)
He lies all the time! Should we stay together?
Q. My fiance lies to me on a regular basis, I can tell when he is lying and when I confront him he tries to turn it around on me. We argue about it and then he admits he lied and promises he wont do it again. Then a week later he lies to me again. I ...
A. 12 July 2010: Walk away. And if that doesn't work, run. There is no basis for a relationship with someone who lies like that. And definitely no reason to leave your home to relocate to a different country. Forget him.... (read in full...)
He touched me, now I feel guilty! What should I do?
Q. Well, I am 14 years old I am know as the good girl in my school straight A's all that but i had a boy friend and he tried to touch me where I didn't feel convertible. I rejected him the first few times... But then i gave in. I feel so guilty. Should ...
A. 12 July 2010: It sounds like you feel you made a mistake. So learn from that feeling, and be more assertive. If you don't want a boyfriend to go that far, say no and mean it. You shouldn't do anything that makes you feel like a whore, so don't let it happen ... (read in full...)
I found jock itch cream in his medicine cabinet, could he be hiding something from me?
Q. Dear Cupid, When I was in my boyfriends bathroom (I'm not sure if his parents use it too or not), I found a bottle of Jock Itch wash/medicine. He sometimes itches his balls alot. Do you think he could be hiding this from me? Or do you think he/his...
A. 12 July 2010: "Jock itch" is very common, a fungal infection that's similar to Athlete's Foot. It's incredibly contageous, and thrives in any area of the body that doesn't regularly get air and light -- such as the scrotum, or under the breasts of well-endowed ... (read in full...)
I left my alcoholic husband but now I'm afraid and don't know how to make it!
Q. I just left my Alcoholic husband with my 2 kids. I moved from Washington state to Michigan for him cause he said that everything would get better. I have been fighting him with this disease for 5 years. Finaly after him driving with the kids drunk I ...
A. 12 July 2010: These folks might be able to help:
http://www.afgmichigan.addr.com/... (read in full...)
Found dirty texts on her phone - is it reasonable to ask for more access?
Q. I found dirty texts from another guy and responses from my wife in her phone. Now my question is should i just leave it be and is it okay for me to want her to be open with her phone and email and facebook and let me have access. Or is that over the ...
A. 12 July 2010: I suppose it really depends on your relationship. I'm pretty old school, so I'd think that dirty texts aren't consistent with our marriage vows. If you're asking the question, I'd have to think that your marriage isn't that traditional. My ... (read in full...)
Tips on cooking? I'm trying to help out my family.
Q. hi, im 14 and my mom usuelly is very nice to me, she lets me stay in town overnight if i call her, she does things like braid my hair, and lets me sleep in very late if i don't have school, but when i ask her to make me dinner or lunch ect.. she ...
A. 7 July 2010: OK kiddo, can you get you mom to buy ingredients from the grocery store? There are some things that are dead easy, like spaghetti. Get a jar of pasta sauce and heat it up in a pot. Get a larger pot of water and heat it to a boil. Add spaghetti ... (read in full...)
Would you (as a guy) turn a girl away over something like this?
Q. Bonjour, I just wanted guys opinions because even though I know it's normal, as in it's not unhealthy, I don't like it. On my left side I have always had one long inner labia. I feel like it will freak guys out and/or get in the way!! Argh I hate ...
A. 7 July 2010: If a guy is allowed to get close enough to find out, there's far too little blood left in his brain to be analytical about it. He's just grateful.... (read in full...)
My wife made out with a girl seven years ago and never told me
Q. I need some advice on a situation I have with my wife. We have been married 5 years, together 8 years, and have a 3 year old daughter. My brother-in-law (her brother) just got divorced. Rumor has it that his ex-wife has (and had) a new boyfr...
A. 7 July 2010: OK, so you used drugs too. You were bummed that she didn't trip with you, not that she tried the stuff. I have to ask if you ever did anything that (a) you're not proud of, or (b) that would have been a deal breaker for *her*, while you were ... (read in full...)
I need help to convince her parents that they can trust me!
Q. I need help, I am in love with this beautiful girl that i've been dating for a year now, although her parents doesnt let her see me anymore, im 16 years old and she is 15. i can see her parents are just protecting her and dont want her to get hurt, ...
A. 6 July 2010: You can't *tell* her parents anything. But you can show them. Don't give them anything to worry about. If you want to see her, do it at her home so that they always know where she is. Mind your manners, speak to them politely but look them in ... (read in full...)
I feel guilty watching porn
Q. I'm not a good english speker.but i tray.... my probllem is watching Porno movies. at that time I'm not happy b/c i used masterbeshen.... after all the thing happen i hate my self. allwayes I ask my mind why im doing this but i didn't get the ...
A. 4 July 2010: In some cultures masturbation is seen as wrong. So young guys feel guilty afterward. For young single guys, porn can help masturbation along; if both masturbation and porn are seen as wrong in your culture, then you feel even more guilty. It's ... (read in full...)
Depression deja vu?
Q. [Mod note: OP title] Hi, me and my girlfriend have been together for nerly 18 months and have just finished off our A-level exams. we are still young and she is very much my first love. with all the confidence i have left, i can say that for larg...
A. 3 July 2010: There is seasonal depression, but it usually comes in the winter and is associated with reduced sunlight. I've never heard of seasonal depression at the beginning of summer, but that doesn't mean it can't happen.
It sounds very much like your gir... (read in full...)
Looking for a hextrosexual relationship, am I being niave??
Q. Hello this is a question that I have to ask, me and a guy i know were talking the other day (this guy hastnt been the first person to say this) he came up with the theory 'all females are bisexual' and it got me thinking... I am a 22 year old male...
A. 3 July 2010: That made me laugh. There may be lots of bi women out there, but not all. My wife is normally very easy going, but is seriously offended if she sees any girl/girl stuff. She's totally hetrosexual.... (read in full...)
How can I help my family to cope with my cousin's cancer?
Q. HI Aunts and Uncles I've just had a close cousin diagnosed with advanced liver cancer. He is only 46 and we are all pretty devastated about this diagnosis. His father (my uncle) died 3 years ago from complications with his lungs. His death hi...
A. 3 July 2010: Yes, by all means call him. One reason people hate to share this sort of news is that they cease be seen as people. They're 'victims' or 'cancer sufferers', not Bill or Jane anymore. And you'll get some useful direction from him as to how he ... (read in full...)
How can I help my family to cope with my cousin's cancer?
Q. HI Aunts and Uncles I've just had a close cousin diagnosed with advanced liver cancer. He is only 46 and we are all pretty devastated about this diagnosis. His father (my uncle) died 3 years ago from complications with his lungs. His death hi...
A. 2 July 2010: When my Dad was diagnosed we spent as much time together as a family as we could. We just grabbed every second there was to be had. With liver cancer you're often reasonably fit until quite close to the end, so there's a chance for quality time. ... (read in full...)
Men, do you dislike it if a partner doesn't orgasm?
Q. This is a question for the Male readers. When you are with a woman do you try to make her orgasm? If she doesn't orgasm how do you feel? ...
A. 1 July 2010: I would enjoy the whole experience a very great deal more if she has at least one orgasm. And I'm willing to do pretty much anything she likes to help things along.
But -- ultimately a woman is responsible for her orgasm. If she won't tell me ... (read in full...)
How can you tell if a guy enjoys sex with you?
Q. There's a question here somewhere about sex that I also want an answer. From a girl's perspective..how does one know if her partner enjoys sex. Can you see it physically? By body language? This is a question I don't have answers to. Can anyon...
A. 1 July 2010: I don't think I've ever seen this question posted here. Or anywhere else, for that matter. It's surprisingly difficult to answer.
In the simplest possible terms, it's a good sign if he stayed hard. More generally, if he's often interest... (read in full...)
I don't want my son to give the baby up for adoption
Q. I have 2 very serious questions My family has ALWAYS questioned my parentling skills and has ALWAYS given me advice on my "out of control kids". When my oldest son was 16, he got into a little trouble at school, he started hanging out with the wro...
A. 30 June 2010: The point is it isn't *your* life any more. If you are hoping to appease your family, you can no longer do it through your son. Your son is an adult. He's making his own decisions, and I rather suspect he doesn't care whether you "stick up for ... (read in full...)
My husband spoiled his ex'es, and now I have to help pay the debts! Should I ask his mom for financial help?
Q. My husband and I are in dire financial straits. My husband has a big fault; he is too generous. It will most definitely help him get into heaven but it's not helping much here......right now. He was took to the cleaners by an ex wife and then a ...
A. 30 June 2010: Thank you for the follow up, but my advice doesn't change. That he incurred the debts prior to your marriage doesn't change the fact that you are being dragged down into poverty with him. Your choice is to carry on funneling your earnings into his ... (read in full...)
My husband spoiled his ex'es, and now I have to help pay the debts! Should I ask his mom for financial help?
Q. My husband and I are in dire financial straits. My husband has a big fault; he is too generous. It will most definitely help him get into heaven but it's not helping much here......right now. He was took to the cleaners by an ex wife and then a ...
A. 30 June 2010: If your posted age is accurate you seriously need to be saving for retirement, not paying for whatever open-ended commitments your husband has taken on. Sounds like you're headed for a retirement of eating cat food, despite working hard and making ... (read in full...)
Should I forgive him? And if I do how can we get over this?
Q. I just found out that my boyfriend of 5 years cheated on me for two months. Sorry this is extremely long but we have an unusual background to our relationship. Let me start by saying that we don't have a typical young relationship, we met in a pro...
A. 29 June 2010: He took you under his wing when he was 22, and it sounds like he's seen you safely through a potentially very dangerous time. That's a lot of responsibility. Could the fling be a reaction to too much responsibility and pressure?
Obvio... (read in full...)
I'm worried about my gramps! Help!
Q. Right so this isnt a relationship question it has nothing to do with this but i really need help. my mum told me today that while on holiday my gramp had to be in hospital for 4 days! i asked why and all she told me and will tell me is that it is a ...
A. 28 June 2010: It's not an uncommon problem, and is usually dealt with quickly and relatively easily. As long as your grandfather doesn't have other complicating health issues, most likely everything will be just fine.... (read in full...)
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