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... Send *. Grant a private message | | | *. Grant's profile:Reading Ann Landers for years growing up told me that there are all kinds of people who have issues they can't talk about with the people they're closest to. Dear Cupid is really just the modern equivalent, but so much more immediate. This is a place where people can get real input from real people. I'm happy to help where I can. |
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I'm worried about my gramps! Help!
Q. Right so this isnt a relationship question it has nothing to do with this but i really need help. my mum told me today that while on holiday my gramp had to be in hospital for 4 days! i asked why and all she told me and will tell me is that it is a ...
A. 28 June 2010: It's not an uncommon problem, and is usually dealt with quickly and relatively easily. As long as your grandfather doesn't have other complicating health issues, most likely everything will be just fine.... (read in full...)
What age do I tell him his daddy isn't his biological father? I don't want to break both their hearrts...
Q. When I was 19 I was in a relationship with a guy, it was all very exciting and i thought i was love etc...but looking back now from a more mature prospective I know that it was more lust then anything else. And I fell pregnant...we were careful but ...
A. 28 June 2010: I'm not sure there's a one-size-fits-all answer to this question. It's a bit like adoption -- some kids grow up always having known and it's no problem. Some kids are told, and go off on a tangent of "you're not my real parent." Some aren't told ... (read in full...)
I'm in love with my best friend's woman
Q. So I feel like the most terrible human being because of this, i've only told one person of this but I need the advice of someone who has delt with it....I'm completely and totally in love with my best friends wife, she's absolutely the perfect ...
A. 28 June 2010: Saying anything to her risks undermining her marriage, and stabs your "best" friend in the back. An honourable man would keep his mouth shut. A selfish kid would try to steal the girl.... (read in full...)
Dad is cheating...what do I do?
Q. Hi Everyone, I am an aunt and I have answered many questions for others. But I am now in need of advice. I'll try to make this as short as possible :) A year and 1/2 ago my mother had 3 strokes and a heart attack. She is now left paralyze...
A. 27 June 2010: You don't know what is going on in your parents' marriage. Nor should you. It's their business, not yours.
Your father is taking care of your mother -- you haven't said anything that makes us think his attention to her is anything less than exe... (read in full...)
I'm worried I'll never be able to function normally.
Q. Maybe this isn't the best place to post this but people here often give good advice. for a long time in my life (even when i was a really young) i've been terrified of going to new places and meeting new people. it may sound silly but the idea of ...
A. 27 June 2010: This sounds like Agoraphobia. Google it and see if you agree. It's relatively common, and treatable. And you're right to be concerned, because it can be very debilitating, and can seriously interfere with your life. Find some qualified help and ... (read in full...)
Is it scarier to be a Grieving Widow, or to know one?
Q. I am so confused by the behavior of certain men. My husband killed himself about 4 months ago and I have been trying to deal with this loss and helping to heal myself and my two young boys. What I do not understand is the way that certain men have...
A. 24 June 2010: I am very sorry for your loss. Bad enough for you, but that you have to help your kids to cope, I can only wish you strength.
In our society we don't cope especially well with death, particularly under these circumstances. Without knowing ... (read in full...)
I'm 18, he's 36. Is that wrong?
Q. I know this is going to sound like another 13-in-a-dozen age gap question. But I need some advice. Sorry if this is long and boring, but I need someone to read through it. I'm a normal girl and I used to date guys my age. I had a couple of boyfri...
A. 22 June 2010: I'm just going to tweak an answer I gave someone yesterday a bit, because your situation and hers are so similar.
I can see the attraction from your side. Here's an older, confident, self-assured man. He's been to different places, done interest... (read in full...)
Dating, Age, Time, and Celibacy...Recipe for being Alone Forever?
Q. I have been alone- without being on a single date- since 1997. When I was younger, out of college I worked 8 years, 7 days a week, year round, 10-24 hours a day. The only time I had off was extremely rare and I was normally mentally exhaust...
A. 22 June 2010: Ok, I'm going to give you a one liner, only because I could completely see myself going through exactly the same thought process.
Man, you are seriously overthinking this.
Think baby steps. Seeing a cute girl in Starbucks, and imagining you an... (read in full...)
She says she's against abortion, but has already had one in the past!
Q. Hi. I have a question with which I desperately need some help. I love my wife very much, but I have found out some information recently that troubles me. I found out, totally by accident, that my wife had an abortion before we met. The thing that ...
A. 22 June 2010: Perhaps the fact that, today, she says she doesn't believe in abortion is precisely because she had one.
For us men abortion may be a lot of things, but we cannot know what it means for a woman. Your wife may be against abortion, today, b... (read in full...)
What are the sympthoms of pregnancy?
Q. i want to no if i am pragent...
A. 22 June 2010: http://www.americanpregnancy.org/gettingpregnant/earlypregnancysymptoms.html... (read in full...)
Are there reasons why he sometimes orgasms quickly and at other times takes a while?
Q. Sometimes my husband finishes really fast during sexual activity and sometimes he takes a really long time. Are there any facts behind how fast and under what circumstances a guy should orgasm? ...
A. 22 June 2010: There aren't any rules. It can be anything from seconds to hours. It depends on how well he's feeling, how long it's been since the last time, his mood, how you're reacting -- all kinds of things. Every time is different. Talk to him!... (read in full...)
Should I believe my husband?
Q. hello, I need some help and I HOPE someone out there offers advice. back info*** my dad always cheated on my mom. he was abusive and left wen I was 13, since i started dating my hubby 7 years ago i have ALWAYS had issues with insecurity and c...
A. 22 June 2010: I don't know why he'd be on craiglist, but I can tell you that lots of sites like that pick up on your IP address and send spam messages like "hot singles in Melbourne (or Sydney or Brisbane or whatever). So it's entirely possible to get junk in ... (read in full...)
How can he do that at his age?
Q. How is my lover of 62 able to keep an erection for up to three hours?...
A. 22 June 2010: Must be years of healthy living and the veins of a teenager. Good on 'im.... (read in full...)
Is there a manual for dating a librarian?
Q. Hello, I am on summer research at a school far away from mine. I regularly use the library here, and have noticed one of the librarians who checks out books is very nice and also attractive. I would like to approach her and ask her out or just ...
A. 22 June 2010: Look under 020 in the Dewey decimal system, or Z665-718.8 in the Library of Congress system.
(Sorry, I couldn't resist).... (read in full...)
Who do I pick -- the baby mama or the sex slave?
Q. hi im 21 and i have sex alot. the condom split when i was havin sex withmy girlfriendand she got pregnant. a few nights after i got her pregant i went to a party and had too many beers and got another girl pregant i didnttell one about the other ...
A. 20 June 2010: Well the answer depends on whether or not you're a man. A man takes responsibility for his actions. A man takes care of his children and the woman he helped make them with.... (read in full...)
Is it safe to skip the condom while on the pill?
Q. I'm taking birth control, I've been on it for about 3 months now, never missed a day. I haven't been active, but I'm curious that if I have sex, is my boyfriend able to finish in me, without the chance of getting pregnant. We don't want to use a ...
A. 20 June 2010: My wife and I used the pill alone for 20 years and had no unplanned pregnancies. A second form of b\c is always a good idea, but for many people the pill alone is OK.... (read in full...)
Is he using me? He tries to force me to be in the mood for sex when I am not and we never make love.
Q. Ive been having this feeling for a long time now. i have no idea what it is or where its coming from but its really bothering me. for starters, im in a relationship with a guy that ive been with for a year now... and we are sexually active ...
A. 20 June 2010: Hon, I think your intuition is just right on. He's using you.... (read in full...)
SOS!! boyfriend VS parents!!!
Q. umm...okay, my bf wants to meet my parents, and we been together for 2 years and 5 months. he really wants meet my parents, because he is serious about our relationship (he is 20 in college already and im 17 still in high school) i'm going to the ...
A. 20 June 2010: He wants your parents' approval? Sounds like a really good guy. I completely get that your parents don't want to like an older guy that's been seeing their little girl since she was 15. As a father I'd go ballistic too. But your relationship has ... (read in full...)
Can anyone make sense of this?
Q. I'm not sure what to think of this guy, or what to do about it. He used to be my uncle's best friend, but they dont keep in touch now. This guy is only 11 years older than me. He first met me when i was 14, at my uncle's wedding. He said he liked me ...
A. 20 June 2010: This guy is bad news. No more, no less. Cut him out of your life forever.... (read in full...)
I have an oral sex fetish which I find unnerving and am morally against..
Q. I'm bi, and in the last few years I've realized that I have a fondness for women who are submissive in giving their male partners oral sex. Male submission doesn't do it for me, and neither does lesbian submission. It's only when the woman is doing ...
A. 20 June 2010: There's a reason they're called 'fantasies.' There are things that work for you in the privacy of your mind that work only there and need to stay there. Where people get into trouble is when they let the distinction get blurred, when they act out ... (read in full...)
Spousal loyalty...
Q. I found out yesterday my 16-year old step-daughter whom I have raised since she was 6 months is dating an 18 year old. The kicker... my wife's known for 2 months and kept it from me. How did I find out? I happened to ask the right questions and ...
A. 20 June 2010: I’m really torn on this one. On the one hand I’m trying to raise teenage daughters too, and have faced concerns about a two-year age difference in dating. I’m not dealing with a ‘step’ situation, but if you’ve been there since she was six months ... (read in full...)
Are all men carrying sexual baggage like this?
Q. I have been together with him for about eight years now. For almost seven of those years I did not know how to have an orgasm through penetration alone because I was a virgin when we met and did not have sexual experience. We had to use my hands ...
A. 20 June 2010: Having read this, and four additions from the OP, I'm going to do something I've never done here before:
HE. HAS. *NOTHING.* TO. COMPLAIN. ABOUT.
This guy should be blessing the pavement you walk upon. He has no idea how luck he is.... (read in full...)
Should I give her my virginity?
Q. my girlfriend isn't a virgin but i am. she wants me to have sex with her. i don't know what to do....
A. 19 June 2010: If you're having doubts, wait. When I was 13-15, I saw virginity as a curse to be dispensed with as quickly as possible. Later I regretted throwing it away. And I definitely regretted how I threw it away.
Wait until you're sure. If that mak... (read in full...)
Does my brother have feelings for me?
Q. Hello, I was hoping that you could help me out with my dilemma. About ten years ago we adopted a boy into our family. He had been an orphan for the beginning years of his life. Now he's thirteen and I'm fourteen; you could consider us real siblings ...
A. 19 June 2010: He has to learn what's appropriate, and right away. Tell him where you think the line should be. If that doesn't work, then tell your parents. Even if it is "just growing up", you need to feel comfortable in your own home; if he's making you ... (read in full...)
Do males find red hair a turn-off?
Q. Just a quick question, because I'm beginning to get paranoid: Do males find red hair a turn-off? Will he reject a red-head if she asked him out, because of her hair colour? And if you have been asked out by one, did you oblige, and were, or cur...
A. 19 June 2010: Red hair is perfectly wonderful. Even a bit exotic. Not a turn-off in any way.... (read in full...)
Do interfaith relationships ever work out?
Q. Me and my boyfriend have been together for two years. We have a seven month old daughter. A few months before she was born, my boyfriend started talking a lot about religion, namely chrisianity. In the present day he now seems to be obsessed with ...
A. 19 June 2010: Interfaith relationships can work out. It depends on the nature of their faith, though. For people who have grown up in their faith are usually comfortable with it, like an old sweater, and only bring it up with it's appropriate.
People who have... (read in full...)
How can I convince my mom?!
Q. Hey, I have an issue here. I'm 19 and in University, I skipped college because of my grades were awesome in the first year. Anyway, I wanna specialize in Nuclear/Atomic/Particle Physics. But my mom said no because it's too dangerous. She won't even ...
A. 19 June 2010: This is too big a life decision to be influenced by someone who doesn't have the facts. As Vintage suggested, perhaps there's someone at the school who might help settle her down.
Is she paying your tuition? Otherwise supporting you? If not,... (read in full...)
Why does she essentially require that I have an erection during oral sex?
Q. My fiance and I have a pretty good sex life but it's not without some quirks. I've always enjoyed giving her oral sex. She claims that I'm the first who has been able to bring her to orgasm this way. The problem is that she essentially requ...
A. 18 June 2010: Simple solution -- stop going down on her. Two can play at unreasonable.... (read in full...)
Anger management problems?
Q. my 17 year old brothers a nice guy but he has no idea what to do with his anger when it comes to girls! hes not violent, and he doesnt yell, but he just shuts down and says that theyre lying when they say they want to work it out and he leaves! it ...
A. 18 June 2010: You're a good sister for wanting to offer him guidance. Some day he'll probably realize that. But for the time being he's not open to advice, which very much goes with the territory at that age.... (read in full...)
What do people think of the 'Rubber Band Theory'?
Q. This is for both for both guys and girls. Be good to hear both points of view. Do you believe in the Rubber Band Theory that men need to pull back after intimacy? How do guys feel during this period of needing Space? ...
A. 17 June 2010: That applied to me in new relationships. I don't know if it was because they were new or because I was young. ... (read in full...)
Help! My religious beliefs prevent pre-marital sex and my boyfriend's demands are so scary!
Q. hey The guy he loves me he is not from my country,,,well i luv him and he luv me alot he said 2 me he want 2 have sex with me and i was shocked because he knowing that i cant have sex before marry its forbidden in my religion then he said ok (i wi...
A. 17 June 2010: Spending a day alone in a hotel with him is simply a recipe for him to pressure you until you give in to sex. If you want to wait until marriage, wait with someone else. This person does not in any way respect your views.... (read in full...)
Is he turned off by oral sex?
Q. I have been in a relationship with a 43 yr old man for almost a year now. Since our first sexual encounter I realize he has some mild ED. I notice that while going down on me he never has an erection. My question- is this related to the ED or is ...
A. 17 June 2010: Aging guys with plumbing issues may need more direct stimulation to maintain an erection. The fact that he doesn't keep one while going down on you does *not* necessarily mean he isn't turned on. For most guys, if you enjoy receiving oral (and let ... (read in full...)
My husband thinks I killed his mother by standing up for myself!
Q. I have reached the limit in associating with my in-laws. After 30 years of taking abuse from them, I have decided that I have had enough and I am no longer putting myself at their disposal to allow them to continue treating me badly. I have sp...
A. 17 June 2010: I felt my own blood pressure rising as I read your post. All I can say is that I'm so sorry that the best 30 years of your life have been blighted by these hideous people.
The hope I see here is that you're now seeing your husband for what he ... (read in full...)
I want my mom, my best friend, back!
Q. i have an issue, with my mom.We use to be the best of friends, but recently, shes been drinking- a lot. i tried to talk to her about it, but we just end up fighting i love her so much and i'm scared that her alcohol problem is getting out of hand,...
A. 14 June 2010: Check out this organization:
http://www.al-anon.alateen.org/
Alateen is run with exactly you in mind. Whatever is going on with your Mom is not about you. She may not know herself why she's doing it, or more to the point she can't be honest wi... (read in full...)
My mother wants me to buy my brother a gift, but hasn't offered to pay for it!
Q. I'll try and keep this short, so here's the summary of the story with my mother. She has borrowed a lot of money from me, and we're talking over 10 000 dollars here. She promised to pay back parts of it already, which she didn't. I have so stopped ...
A. 14 June 2010: Buy the gift only if you are content doing it on her terms -- that she offers it as if she'd gone to the effort and expense herself. Since that's not the space you're in, then it's time to stand up for yourself and tell her that she's on her own.
... (read in full...)
My b/f's closeness to his 17 year old daughter makes me uncomfortable
Q. My boyfriend has a 17 year old daughter who asked him to rub fake tan in her back last week when her nan was in the house and she was off to a friends house so i couldn't see why she couldn't have asked one of them. is this normal or am i being ...
A. 13 June 2010: You've had really good answers. And last time you posted this question I was blown away by some of the insights people shared with you. Are you going to keep posting this question until someone agrees with you that you should be worried?... (read in full...)
What to do with my best friend dating my brother?
Q. So let me tell you information first: My best friend of almost 20 years is married but her relationship is rocky and they have been talking divorce for 2 years now..and then they try to work it out ( a lot of back and forth). They have a two ...
A. 13 June 2010: The red flag for me in your post is that she says such things to her two year old. Pardon me for saying it, but this just screams of someone who is far, far too immature to be a parent. Why on earth you would call someone like that a friend is ... (read in full...)
I'm not sexually attracted to my boyfriend!
Q. Hi, my boyfriend and I have been dating for 3 years now. We never had sex until a year after started dating. I didn't want to at first because I wanted to wait until we get married, but he couldn't. Somehow I could understand that and so we started ...
A. 13 June 2010: You wanted to wait, but gave in because he wasn't willing to wait any longer. You are clearly sexual, because you satisfy yourself when he can't do it for you. You're finding sex with him boring, and he's a demanding partner.
My read on this is ... (read in full...)
What did he mean when he said I should "sleep with my shoes on"?
Q. One of my friends asked me if I wanted to go to a party. We were around a few other people, and one of them told me to sleep with my shoes on. I have no idea what he meant. I have not gone to any parties, and I am 15 years old. I am now honestly ...
A. 13 June 2010: I'd take that to mean that you need to be ready to get out of there, fast. Which is a warning that they thing stuff could go sideways. Be forewarned.... (read in full...)
Should I feel ashamed that my girlfriend earns more than me?
Q. My Girlfriend is a system analyst and makes more money then me. Should I feel ashamed? I feel almost like I've been de-masculine-ed...
A. 13 June 2010: This isn't the 1950s. These days a man is judged by more than his income. I would imagine she feels your character has something to do with why she cares to be with you.
Nevertheless:
If you're someone who feels your self-worth is ti... (read in full...)
Struggling to give my boyfriend oral..
Q. How can I blowjob my boyfriend with out hurting him with my teeth and I can't get it all inside my mouth how can I get it all inside cause I feel I'm gonna vomit because its long ??...
A. 11 June 2010: You don't need to get it all inside. Just the head. Put your hand just below the head so you don't get more in your mouth than you can handle. Wrap your lips over your teeth.... (read in full...)
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