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... Send *. Grant a private message | | | *. Grant's profile:Reading Ann Landers for years growing up told me that there are all kinds of people who have issues they can't talk about with the people they're closest to. Dear Cupid is really just the modern equivalent, but so much more immediate. This is a place where people can get real input from real people. I'm happy to help where I can. |
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My wife and I are going through an emotionally difficult time, how do we cope with this?
Q. Hello everyone. I have been with my wife for almost 6 years. We have been married 2 1/2. I have one step child (8) and we have 1 child together (1 1/2). Our relationship has been nothing but successful when it comes to teamwork, communication, ...
A. 28 May 2010: If she's being all ga ga over his poetry, she's not putting that effort into working on your relationship. She's getting an emotional itch scratched elsewhere, and that's got to be interfering with your marriage.
I don't know that you can "mak... (read in full...)
Does a man have to have a sexual release within a certain period of time or not?
Q. Is that even possible? Or does a man have to 'release' every now and then? Because it cant be ignored and its to that point? Can anyone help answer this? Or is this controllable?...
A. 28 May 2010: I was trying not to be crude, but maybe you need to hear something more explicit. If a guy doesn't have a girl to give him sexual release, he will either have wet dreams or he will masturbate. No guy ever died because he didn't have a girl. No ... (read in full...)
Why do men like fake breasts so much?
Q. I just think they look so silly, I mean, it's rare you get a slim woman with naturally big breasts, yet men seem find this so sexually attractive. Just wondering why? Breasts aren't supossed to defiy gravity! And big ones on such small women look ...
A. 28 May 2010: I hate the fake ones. I don't know where the trend came from, unless Pamela Anderson somehow became influential. Natural all the way.... (read in full...)
Was this somehow inappropriate?
Q. So today i was called down to the principals office because apparently i have an innapropriate relationship with my teacher. I made her a picture that she even hung up, it was a joke like two people in a sunset and says always and forever! ok,so ...
A. 28 May 2010: From what you've said, no, you didn't do anything wrong, and you've been caught up in some senseless 'zero tolerance' policy.... (read in full...)
Any problem with dating your dead wife's aunt??
Q. is it alright to date your dead wife's aunt...
A. 28 May 2010: The only issue is how the family might react. But if it's appropriate for the two of you, go for it and naysayers be damned.... (read in full...)
Does a man have to have a sexual release within a certain period of time or not?
Q. Is that even possible? Or does a man have to 'release' every now and then? Because it cant be ignored and its to that point? Can anyone help answer this? Or is this controllable?...
A. 28 May 2010: The short answer is no.
If he's telling you that he'll suffer some terrible consequence if you don't help, he's telling you a story.... (read in full...)
HELP! I have horrible back acne
Q. It's summer and I want to be able to be half-dressed and stuff--but one embarrassing thing is holding me back... I have HORRIBLE BACK ACNE! Please, does anyone know anyway to help? I have a few pimples on my chest, but not as much. Please! Anythi...
A. 28 May 2010: My wife had this problem. You want to see a dermatologist before you end up with scarring.... (read in full...)
The pill failed, now I'm pregnant. How can I tell my strict parents?
Q. I'm 18 years old, and I am pregnant. I'm very scared to tell my parents because they are both very strict, and my mom is very old fashioned. I'm afraid they won't talk to me ever again. I did not know that antibiotics make birth control pills le...
A. 27 May 2010: Not knowing your parents, we can't really say whether you're over-concerned about their reaction. As the father of a 17 year-old daughter, I'll tell you what I worry about: her dying; her getting a serious disease ...
Pregnancy at 18 is unfortun... (read in full...)
He has an online business and strange behaviour -- is he keeping something from me?
Q. Im 16 and my boyfriend is 19. we have been together officially about 3 weeks but casually dated for a month before that. he has a job and gets paid fairly good money, $9.55 an hour, but he sells a lot of things online. he always has money to blow ...
A. 27 May 2010: Sounds like he's into something illegal, like fencing stolen property. Put this person into your past, pronto.... (read in full...)
I need to hear those three words
Q. Hi everyone, I am 23 yrs old and I have a new bf, he's 30 yrs old. We've been going out for 4 months now and bf/gf for 2months. A month ago I told him that I love him and he just nod and agree, I told him its ok if he doesnt feel the same way...
A. 27 May 2010: Don't take this the wrong way, but I cringed when I read your question. Brought back all kinds of memories of a gal who seemed to fall for me right off the bat, told me she loved me on our first date. And then sat there figuratively tapping her ... (read in full...)
How good are older men 45 and up in bed?
Q. I have read in many articles that men's performance during sex becomes worse as they get older, due to menopause and other factors. Does age really matter in how well a man performs? For ex, is a 30 year old better in bed than a 48 year old?...
A. 26 May 2010: There's the question of quantity vs. quality. At 18 he can go several times in a night. At 50, not so likely. But the older guy has probably learned some patience, which means he's willing to put your pleasure first.... (read in full...)
Am I making a fool of myself, or is my friend just making trouble?
Q. ok so here's the thing I really need another point of view cos this problem is starting to drive me crazy. I work with this guy he is younger than me by 3 years, we get on really well and are very close and I will admit that I am attracted to him...
A. 26 May 2010: Yep, that makes sense. If you're really worried that he believes you're looking for a daddy for your son, staying low key is the way to go. And he may come around on his own to the idea of moving past the friend zone.
Good luck!... (read in full...)
Can I get a restraining order on my mother-in-law?
Q. To get a restraining order against a grandparent do you have to get both parents to agree to it or can I still get one without my partners consent? Cause his mother is to over bearing. She comes over without permission and takes our son without us ...
A. 26 May 2010: I can't see any way that would work if your husband isn't on the same page as you. If you did manage to get the restraining order without his agreement, it could undermine your marriage.
A better approach is to explain to your husband how desp... (read in full...)
I am almost 15 and may be pregnant, what advice can you give me, totally confused??
Q. hello im 14 years old about to be 15 next week, and i think im pregnant i havent told anyone but my boyfriend and if i tell my parents they'd kill me,im just so scared and dont know what to do, i havent took a test yet but when i do and it comes out ...
A. 26 May 2010: First things first. Go to the drug store and buy a test. You only have to worry about the other stuff if it's positive.... (read in full...)
Do I give up my dream for my girlfriend or my girlfriend for my dream?
Q. Hi all, Since a young age I have wanted to move abroad. My rule of life is that the world is a large place and England is almost nothing on the globe, so go and explore!! I am 19 now and I know it will be years until I have the funds, ...
A. 26 May 2010: Before you decide, bring her over here (to Canada) for a holiday. There are some nice spots, and she might just decide that it's not such a terrible idea after all.... (read in full...)
Am I making a fool of myself, or is my friend just making trouble?
Q. ok so here's the thing I really need another point of view cos this problem is starting to drive me crazy. I work with this guy he is younger than me by 3 years, we get on really well and are very close and I will admit that I am attracted to him...
A. 25 May 2010: OK, is there a reason you need to do anything right now? Sounds like things are going along OK -- you're enjoying his company and support. I would think that the longer he's around you, the less influence this other woman is likely to have. Is ... (read in full...)
My mother-in-law is a horrible example
Q. i have been with my husband including dating for nearly five years, and within those five years we have had the biggest arguments, all because of one person, my mother in law. although hate is a strong word, but i will use it only because of the ...
A. 25 May 2010: There is nothing whatever you can do to change your mother-in-law. The only thing you can influence is how you and your husband deal with her.
The first thing is whether you and your husband are on the same page with this. Is he as appalled... (read in full...)
Nervous about 'the next step' because of past expereince
Q. Hi. This is a bit of a weird one... I'll start from the beginning. I think things with my girlfriend are getting close to moving to the 'next stage' ie sex lol. BUT I don't think I can just yet, and probably not for a long time because I'm scared o...
A. 25 May 2010: Good for you for wanting it to be good for her. Performance anxiety is a nasty problem.
My suggestion is to focus on the things other than intercourse. There are lots of things you can do to give her an outstanding experience. If she's climaxed... (read in full...)
I'm trapped as long as my sister refuses to pull her weight
Q. This is more of a family question, hope you guys can help. I'm 27, and both my parents and I are immigrants. I have two college degrees and have been working for the past 3 years. I live with my parents and younger sister. I bought the house...
A. 25 May 2010: You have been the dutiful daughter. By North American standards, you have gone above and beyond the call. It's simply unreasonable for you to hold off on your getting on with your life because your sister isn't stepping up to the plate.
Have ... (read in full...)
Job interview help needed!
Q. I have a job interview tomorrow for the position of a receptionist. I really need a job cos I'm just out of school and this one is perfect for me. I will be devastated if I don't get it. Only thing is, I have no experience in this field of work. Or ...
A. 25 May 2010: Just to add -- have a clue about the company. If they have a website, read the whole thing. Try to have an idea about what they do, what products or services they deliver. Better still is if you can identify with any of that -- if you've bought ... (read in full...)
I never told my boyfriend what happened but every time I am around him I feel just empty inside.
Q. Hello, I don't know what to do anymore. I've been with my boyfriend for nearly 5 years. We were high school sweethearts but recently I cheated on him. I don't know how it happened or why it happened. I didn't sleep with another man but I let him ...
A. 24 May 2010: I'm going to answer this assuming that the cheating incident was consensual. If it wasn't then my answer would be very different.
Going by the age range, you were maybe 15 when you started going with your boyfriend? That five years includes... (read in full...)
Cam sex???
Q. i need some help! i recently met this 18 year old boy on a chat site, im 16, we've been getting on really well and i know he's genuine an not a paedo or anything! but anyway, he suggested that we could start having cam sex, which im up for! im just ...
A. 24 May 2010: You many not have noticed, but there are thousands of recorded cam sessions posted on various websites. They do seem to have a way of ending up public. Keep that in mind. If you really want to do this, make sure that your face never gets into the ... (read in full...)
How do I keep my mom from finding out I'm having a house party while she's gone?
Q. hey :) well my mum is going away this weekend and i have sort of organised a house party :D but i think i will get cought my neighbors are really strict and horrible and might end up telling my mum :S So i was wondering if you have any suggesti...
A. 23 May 2010: Hey,
My kids think just like you. We left them alone for the first time in February and went away for two nights. They had a house party. Dozens of very drunk kids. I was oh so impressed. In one single stupid move my kids wiped out all the ... (read in full...)
Am I making a fool of myself, or is my friend just making trouble?
Q. ok so here's the thing I really need another point of view cos this problem is starting to drive me crazy. I work with this guy he is younger than me by 3 years, we get on really well and are very close and I will admit that I am attracted to him...
A. 23 May 2010: Your mutual female friend is toxic. Don't listen to her. Enjoy a promising relationship.... (read in full...)
I like my cousin but...
Q. Im going to start out by saying I have no problem with this situation. I know that scientific data and religion both say this is okay, but Im worried about what my parents and family will say. I dont think my cousin cares, but then again, he's a ...
A. 22 May 2010: One thing you might want to think about: if the relationship ends badly, you're still going to be running into this guy at family events for the rest of your life. Not only will that be awkward for the two of you, the rest of your family is likely ... (read in full...)
Ot ready to hang up the towel just yet...
Q. I need to hear from men in their 50's and early 60's. My husband says he's just not as interested in sex as he used to be. I don't view mid-50's as old, so I'm having a hard time accepting this, especially since we had been sexual at least 5 times ...
A. 22 May 2010: Oh my. Five times a week?? Wow.
In an odd way it's nice to be answering the other side of the question for a change -- so many of us older guys are pining the demise of our sex lives because our wives aren't interested. But let me take a s... (read in full...)
I could use some encouragement...
Q. I am 23 years old, I'm in grad school working on my doctorate...it's my second year. Outside of school I have no social life. During the school year, I'm distracted by everything so that I don't have time to dwell on the fact that most of the time, ...
A. 20 May 2010: You're working on your doctorate -- Good for you! You are doing something absolutely amazing. You've recognized your talent, and you're taking it to the next level. Very, very few people can do that. Give yourself a very serious pat on the ... (read in full...)
Should I try and work things out with my heroin addict husband?
Q. Hello everyone, im new to this, but here we go...... i am a mother to a beautiful little girl, i have a "husband" that i love. and a pretty good life.. i wish i could tell you my whole story, but ill try to sum it up to just the facts i guess. i am ...
A. 20 May 2010: I don't know how much heroin differs from other addictions, but I have a friend who has been in rehab at least three times for alcohol. To the extent the two addictions have anything in common, I'll offer this advice. You are clean, and you're ... (read in full...)
Feel so disrespected and used but can't get out of the relationship
Q. My boyfriend and i have always had problems in the bedroom and it's getting to the point where i feel very disrespected by him and as if he has unrealistic expectations of me. I feel trapped in this relationship and anxious when left alone in a ...
A. 20 May 2010: Do you have a brother? Is your father in the picture? Have a male (preferably large and intimidating) on hand when you tell him to get out of your life forever. That way there's no risk of violence. This person has no place in your life, ever. ... (read in full...)
Why was he embarrassed by the birthday gift I got him?
Q. i was wondering if anyone out there could help me understand this. Why would a guy you have known for yrs and have a casual relationship with and are also good friends with. say to you that he was embarrassed by the birthday gift you gave him, eve...
A. 20 May 2010: Has it been your tradition to exchange gifts? Could it be that you gift to him was so much better, so much more suitable than anything he's ever given you that he somehow feels wrongfooted?
I'd just brush it off. You tried to do somethin... (read in full...)
I'm pregnant and my husband hasn't had sex with me for the past 2 months!
Q. I am 28 weeks pregnant and my husband has not had sex with me for the past two months. Should I be concerned? What is going on? I confronted him about this issue and nothing happened. He does not seem to care....
A. 19 May 2010: Some men don't find pregnancy a turn-on. That may be all it is. You might remind him that he's on borrowed time, because you aren't going to be all that keen for a while after the baby comes.... (read in full...)
Drifting away from my wife, having an affair and utterly confused! Please help?
Q. I am a married man of 5 years. While my wife is a wonderful mom to our two children our relationship has diminished to the point where I feel were just good friends. She does not feel the same, but unfortunately our lack of time together, intimacy ...
A. 19 May 2010: Yours isn't the first marriage to run into problems once kids show up. It changes the dynamic in a fundamental way. You used to be number one in her life, and now you rate third at best. You used to be able to just drop everything and have sex. ... (read in full...)
My wife and I are going through an emotionally difficult time, how do we cope with this?
Q. Hello everyone. I have been with my wife for almost 6 years. We have been married 2 1/2. I have one step child (8) and we have 1 child together (1 1/2). Our relationship has been nothing but successful when it comes to teamwork, communication, ...
A. 19 May 2010: I appreciate your trying to keep your question as short as possible, but I really feel like I'm missing something important here: "But she says she is not optimistic that things can turn around simply because she hasn't seen the changes happen." ... (read in full...)
Crazy with jealously over her ex being 2-3" bigger than me!
Q. I have had a dilemma with my current partner over my penis size for over 7 months now. Basically, I'm 41 and divorced, and met a gorgeous tall 39 y.o. blonde about 9 months ago who is rather inexperienced but loves sex. We are VERY compatible in ...
A. 18 May 2010: Well, sounds like those emails were a direct hit on a very common insecurity.
I guess there are two ways you can go here. I've probably seen this question answered a thousand times here on DC, and 99% of the women said size wasn't importan... (read in full...)
Did we both cheat and do two wrongs make a right?
Q. I have been married for almost 7 years, About 5 years ago I caught him on a porn site doing his business in front of the computer and it really made me mad. He never takes blame for aanything. He told me since the sex was not often enough he got i...
A. 16 May 2010: Is your issue that he was masturbating or that he was doing it while looking at porn?
I understand that lots of women, particularly those with self-esteem issues, think that what men look at on porn sites is what they *really* want. And that doe... (read in full...)
Comments on a weight loss plan?
Q. hey, im 17 and really want to lose weight and quite quickly. i was thinking of going on a 500 cals a day diet and doing 12km a day on the treadmill. has anyone ever tried anything like this and if so did it work? thankyouxx...
A. 16 May 2010: Do the time on the treadmill, certainly. But you need to give your body adequate nutrition, rather than focussing on the number of calories. Eat the right stuff, skip empty calories. There are countless websites that will tell you what foods you ... (read in full...)
My wife tells me I have a porn addiction
Q. how do i stop porn addiction? i have alot more sexual desire than my wife and it got to where i felt horable for asking for it all the time. I eventualy turned to porn magazine and it created more problems than i thought it would. she said i have ...
A. 16 May 2010: If your wife is refusing sex, and making you feel guilty for asking, then I don't really think porn is the problem in your relationship. A healthy marriage accommodates both partners' needs. You need communication, not ultimatums.... (read in full...)
Is three months enough time to mourn?
Q. hi,i had 3 years relationship with this guy he was my lover my best friend but my bf had past away 3 months ago,its hard for me to accept the fact, to ease the pain, i used to go out with my friends for a disco, drunk, everyday, and now i met a guy ...
A. 16 May 2010: I'm very sorry for your loss. It's an incredibly hard thing to deal with, and I wish you the best with your healing.
You're right to question whether it's too soon, but honestly no one here can give you that answer. It's a bit like a "rebound... (read in full...)
Is he wanting the baby only because of what others say?
Q. hey im 19 years old and im pregnet me and my boyfriend of 4 years decided to get an abortion at first i didnt want to do it but i didnt want to throw a baby on him if he wassnt ready to hav it i was his choice to get an abortion since the day i...
A. 16 May 2010: You should do what you're comfortable doing, without expecting him to be in the picture. If he's making decisions based on what others tell him, then he doesn't know his own mind. And that means you can't depend on him.
If you think you can be a... (read in full...)
He won't introduce me to his child -- how long should I wait?
Q. I met this man on-line we met up and hooked up. We've been seeing each other for 9 months. About 5 months ago I told him that I wanted to be more than hook up buddies. Since that time we've gotten closer he's even met one of my children. One ...
A. 16 May 2010: Your guy is being an incredibly responsible parent. Introducing children to serial relationships is a very destructive thing to do to a child. Sounds like he's doing an excellent job of walking the line between trying to make a new life for ... (read in full...)
Complicated Emotional Affair - What Next?
Q. I am a male who began teaching at a community college 2 years ago as a second career. Shortly after starting at the college, I began tutoring as a means of earning additional income. One of my first students was a recently separated woman ar...
A. 16 May 2010: You seem to be confusing two separate issues -- your marriage and your infatuation. Understandable, of course, but your thinking is clouded.
A troubled marriage, particularly one of such long term, means that you haven't encountered many potentia... (read in full...)
He's never turned on when he gives me oral! What's happening with him?
Q. My husband of 12 years barely gives me oral sex and when he does he is never hard. I give him oral sex at least 1 time a week. Is it normal for him not to be turned on?...
A. 13 May 2010: If he's in your age range, it's quite possible that he's plenty turned without being hard. The older guys get, the more direct stimulation they need to stay hard. If he's spending a decent amount of time on you, he's not getting that direct ... (read in full...)
I said I'd have sex with this player, and don't know how to get out of it
Q. So I'm 14 , and theres this guy I really like , hes 15 We had a little thing going on at the beginning but then he went out with one of my friends. He's a player and really only wants a girl to put out for him , thing is i said I would , it all star...
A. 13 May 2010: I have to wonder why you "think a lot of him", and why you'd want him to like you. He dumped a girl because she wouldn't spread her legs? And, at 15, has the nerve to ask you when he's going to get his fuck?
You're right to be scared, and abso... (read in full...)
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