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... Send *. Grant a private message | | | *. Grant's profile:Reading Ann Landers for years growing up told me that there are all kinds of people who have issues they can't talk about with the people they're closest to. Dear Cupid is really just the modern equivalent, but so much more immediate. This is a place where people can get real input from real people. I'm happy to help where I can. |
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I was told by my GF :"Girls don't like it when guys last long, they get sore and it hurts down there". Really???
Q. Hi, Happy New Year by the way! So, when I have sex with my girlfriend, first I pleasure her for about 7 minutes until she finishes, then we have sex and I last for about 1 minute on a good night. Now, once I kept "doing it" for a while after I wa...
A. 2 January 2011:
The only thing that matters is what's good for her. Yes, girls can get sore if you go on too long. Do what's good for her, and enjoy.... (read in full...)
Boyfriend going to move out because my mom asked for $100.00 a month
Q. I'm 20 years old. I live with my mother and father. I've been with my boyfriend for 2 years, and yesterday my mom asked if he would start giving her 100 dollars every 2 weeks to help pay for food and bills. He automatically said he wouldn't and that ...
A. 30 December 2010: You (and your parents) are well rid of this parasite. Your mother just did you a huge favour.... (read in full...)
We went to 2nd base, now he wants to go to 3rd and I'm not comfortable with it
Q. i'm so confused. i'm in my first proper relationship ever. the guy i have been dating is amazing. i love him so much. we have been dating for a little over a year. before him i thought i would be able to just make out. i was wrong. i went to 2nd but ...
A. 30 December 2010: A relationship isn't supposed to bring conflict or guilt. If going farther is going to make you uncomfortable then don't do it.... (read in full...)
Do father's tend to be closer their sons or their daughters?
Q. hi my question is do dads tend to be closer to their sons or their daughters?? ...
A. 30 December 2010: Thanks for the update and the clarification. Babies are easy to love -- they smile and gurgle and can easily be made to laugh. It's a whole different thing to make a relationship with a functioning human being, which your 11 year old daughter is. ... (read in full...)
I resent my stepson and his mother.
Q. I have an issue that is making me feel absolutely awful and is threatening the future of my relationship. My partner of five years has an 11 year old son, and I just can't bond with him. In fact, I have always experienced feelings of resentment and ...
A. 29 December 2010: I commend you for being so candid with yourself. That helps a very great deal.
You know that he and his son are a package deal. So the question is, can you live with the package 'as is'?
Other peoples' children can be a huge challenge to lov... (read in full...)
Do father's tend to be closer their sons or their daughters?
Q. hi my question is do dads tend to be closer to their sons or their daughters?? ...
A. 29 December 2010: I'm sure it's different for everyone. It depends on the stage of the child's life -- it's hard to feel close to a teenager who's doing her best to pull away, as an example. I'm closer in turns to each of my kids depending upon how open they are ... (read in full...)
What's the best spacing between kids?
Q. Hey me and my husband both want to have a lot of kids but theres one problem, we cant agree on the spaceing of it. He wants to have them all close togather but i want them to be spaced out. So they each can have a "specail moment" like when they all ...
A. 29 December 2010: IMHO the closer together the better. It's easier on the parents -- it's amazing how well they can occupy each other -- and helps them become closer. My girls are 23 months apart and are great buds. My boy came along three years later and is a bit ... (read in full...)
Can you get pregnant without having sex?
Q. Ok I have heard a lot of what I think are myths but I want to be sure about the subject of unplanned pregnancy. My question is if is really possible to get pregnant without even having intercourse. I have heard about the guy cummin on you and gett...
A. 29 December 2010: Yes, it's possible. If semen gets on your vulva, the sperm can swim the rest of the way. That could be if there's some on his or your finger when you touch there, or if that's where he happens to shoot. It's not common, it's not all that likely, ... (read in full...)
How do I tell him I'm not ready?
Q. me and my boyfriend have been together for 3 months. we are both 15. he says that i have changed his life because i make him so happy and i am amazing to him. he also makes me happy and i am in love with him. recently he fingered me, and i wasn't ...
A. 27 December 2010: Kiddo, if he breaks up with you because you're not putting out he's not worth your time to begin with. Don't let him pressure you into anything. Wait until it feels completely right within *you* before you do anything. And being home alone with ... (read in full...)
I'm in love with my cute third cousin
Q. I'm in love with my third cousin. We didn't grow up together so I don't look at her like my other cousins, she's really hot and cute. We met about 5 months ago, I can't get her out of my head. She's in love with me too. We see each other very often, ...
A. 27 December 2010: Are you sure you're using the term "third cousin" correctly? That means that your nearest blood connection is a great-great grandparent. People who are that distantly related don't usually even know there's a connection. It's so distant that no ... (read in full...)
Am I putting myself in a bad situation?
Q. Heyyy. I've dating my boyfriend for about 10 months. I'm a virgin and he's not. He hasn't relly pushed sex on me but I know he really wants to have sex with me, so sometimes it's a little hard to stop when we're together. Anyway, for Christmas, a ...
A. 24 December 2010: I think your gut is telling you it's a bad idea, and I think that instinct is absolutely right. Sleeping with him is just tempting fate. Don't put yourself in a situation where you can be tempted to go against your better judgment. Worse, he ... (read in full...)
When your friend does something you think is wrong
Q. I have a problem. I have a friend who does things I feel are wrong, but when I discuss it with her she lies about it or says it is none of my business. But it bothers me so much, I have begun to ignore her. I feel guilty about it, but don't know ...
A. 23 December 2010: You have a clear moral code that you use to govern your behaviour and evaluate the behaviour of those around you. It's not judgmental to evaluate someone's behaviour as inconsistent with your concept of right and wrong.
Clearly you're not goin... (read in full...)
Why don't babyboomers want their adult children to leave home?
Q. This seems to be a common problem. I know I have this problem and from other posts here, I'm not alone. I utterly hate it how the media often portrays us young adults as slackers and child- adults, it makes me mad. I actually want to leave home and ...
A. 22 December 2010: You're kidding me, right? I can't wait to be an empty nester. I will be delighted to see the last of my kids get out on their own. One of my cousins sold his house shortly after his youngest turned 18 -- "sorry, sweetie, you're on your own now." ... (read in full...)
My daughter hates my BF, please help!
Q. I have a question, what do you do when your 11 year old daughter can't stand your boyfriend? I have been seeing this man for about a year and a half and had some issues in the past, but am working on them. He genuinely is a good man and good fat...
A. 22 December 2010: You are her life and her rock. You are the anchor in a world that she feels is horribly unfair because it took her father from her. At 11 she's helpless and wholly dependent upon you for her well-being. She resents a stranger being thrust into ... (read in full...)
Men: If your woman is satisfying you, why do you need porn?
Q. Ok first off, I’m not married, but I keep having this fear of my future husband watching porn. I understand that most men watch porn but why? If your woman is satisfying you why do you need it? Many men say they need variety, but is that fair? Women ...
A. 22 December 2010: Is he a considerate lover? Does he make sure it's good for you? And does that mean that he's making sure the setting is right, you've had a nice dinner, the dishes are done, that you're relaxed, maybe giving a bit of massage? And then lots of ... (read in full...)
Girlfriend is jealous of my kids!
Q. Hope someone can give me some advice.. my new girlfriend is, i feel, a little jealous of my kids. We've been together 9 months and i really think a lot of her. She says she loves me. Recently the idea of moving in together has been discussed b...
A. 22 December 2010: Your kids must come first. If the girl you're with now can't accept that, then your kids must still come first.... (read in full...)
My first love from 30 years ago contacted me...He's free, I'm not. I still love him. Don't know how to quit him. Help!
Q. I have been with my husband for over 20 years. We have a good marriage now, not always easy (I guess that's marriage afterall), but we are making it work. We also have children. Last year, I was contacted by the first man I ever loved. There wa...
A. 22 December 2010: I really hear your anguish. And I can very easily imagine myself in your shoes.
Those first relationships when we’re young are something new, incredible. As is life then. First love imprints itself in a unique way, it sets down the pathways... (read in full...)
Merry Christmas, with an off-color queston!
Q. This is NOT a relationship question. At least not yet :-). I'm just on a playful mood at the time, taking a break from work, and one of those weird and funny thoughts that give you the goosebumps came to my mind. I want to wish everyone a Merry ...
A. 21 December 2010: The site is always looking for revenue generators. Maybe a Dear Cupid-branded back scratcher?... (read in full...)
Did she have an orgasm?
Q. A few months ago, I met a beautiful girl and we started dating sporadically. We started seeing eachother more frequently until she got comfortable with me and confessed she was on meds because she had panic attacks following a street rape that ...
A. 20 December 2010: A couple of things here. One, not every woman is vocal, and if you're expecting that as an affirmation of your abilities as a lover then your hopes will sometimes be misplaced.
Two, from what you've written, frankly you don't sound all that sen... (read in full...)
Why doesn't he want to do anal anymore? Is it me?
Q. Boyfriend and I have been dating two years, a while ago he asked me to try anal with him so i did. He liked the thought of it and it was something he always wanted to try. After we tried it he lost all desire to do it... which stinks cause i ...
A. 19 December 2010: If you've decided it was a mistake, all you can do is chalk it up to experience and move on. We all make 'em.... (read in full...)
Understanding Teenagers.
Q. We often see a lot of questions on Dear Cupid from parents trying to communicate or to make sense of their teenage children. I answered a question for a mother the other day, and was told that I should adapt it into an article (original thread ...
A. 19 December 2010: It's funny, you know, but I think most of us vowed when we were teenagers that we'd never forget what it was like and that we'd never do what our parents did to us. And in the intervening 20 or 30 years proceeded to forget just what that was.
... (read in full...)
Why doesn't he want to do anal anymore? Is it me?
Q. Boyfriend and I have been dating two years, a while ago he asked me to try anal with him so i did. He liked the thought of it and it was something he always wanted to try. After we tried it he lost all desire to do it... which stinks cause i ...
A. 19 December 2010: It's not everyone's cup of tea. He may have decided it wasn't for him. Or he may have thought you were doing him a one-time favour and not realize that you like it and want it. Best way to find out is to ask.... (read in full...)
What happens if a man does not have sex for a very long time?
Q. What happens if a man does not have sex or ejaculate for a long time? (I had an active sex-life up until 7 months ago, but none since, will it stop working and will i get prostate cancer?....) ...
A. 18 December 2010: I think the anon who said "don't lose any opportunity to have sex, if you can get it. Don't masturbate, find parteners to share the pleasure with you" was suggesting that there will come a time in your life where you're unable to share sex with a ... (read in full...)
Should I have sex with him so he can leave me alone?
Q. Somebody plz help me. I made a stupid decision that can cost me my marriage. I'm ashamed,embarrassed, and feel like crap. I got myself involved with a man at my job who liked to do phone sex. He is older than I and married. It was fun at first ...
A. 17 December 2010: I second the comments by Johnny2301. What you describe is clearly sexual harrassment. It's illegal, pure and simple. You have every right to change your mind about pursuing the non-professional relationship (and good for you for coming to your ... (read in full...)
What happens if a man does not have sex for a very long time?
Q. What happens if a man does not have sex or ejaculate for a long time? (I had an active sex-life up until 7 months ago, but none since, will it stop working and will i get prostate cancer?....) ...
A. 16 December 2010: The most recent medical stuff I've seen says that the more frequently you ejaculate, the lower the risk of prostate cancer. If you're not in a sexual relationship, that suggests you should masturbate.... (read in full...)
I'm worried about his blue balls!!!!
Q. Dear Cupid, My boyfriend and i always have foreplay without having sex because i told him i was a virgin so he sticking to his promise not to have sex with me. But when ever we are done, he always complain bitterly of having "blue - balls" to the e...
A. 15 December 2010: He's feeding you a line. It's not hurting anything other than his mood.
It's not clear from your post how far your "foreplay" is going. If you're getting him worked up but he's not ejaculating, well, that's not the greatest. It doesn't do any p... (read in full...)
Men, would you date a girl with a tattoo?
Q. Not a relationship question and i'm quite sure its probably been asked before but was just wondering what guys think of girls with tattoos, not the big sleeves and manish tattoos just dainty ones and ones that have meaning to the individual? Would ...
A. 14 December 2010: I'd turn down Angelina for sure. She does nothing for me.
I'll just raise my hand here and confess to living in the 18th century. I detest body art.... (read in full...)
I'm thinking about leaving my husband if he doesn't stop looking at porn
Q. I have been married for 5 years now and my husband and I are both young only in our 20's and have 3 little girls I found his porn 6months into our marriage and we have had problems every since he says he's gonna quit and never does and now just gets ...
A. 13 December 2010: You haven't said if your issue is with the principle of it or if he's neglecting you because of porn.
With three small children to take care of, young mothers often find themselves too tired and too stressed to have much interest in intimacy... (read in full...)
Should I trust my otherwise wonderful wife who is my best friend and soulmate or listen to the frightening inconsistencies about her moral character?
Q. I am married for about a year and a half to a wonderful woman who I fell head over heels for marrying after only 10 months. There are some concerns that have surfaced that I really need advice about TRUST issues. Shortly after we got together...
A. 13 December 2010: I would have to think that it would be easier for you to trust her absolutely if she'd been entirely candid with you before you were married. Having new revelations dribble out doesn't help.
You would think that, in such a new situation, she woul... (read in full...)
Am I dating my cousin?
Q. Hello everyone, i have a question that i hope you guys can clarify for me. I recently hooked up with a guy who's Grandma is my Grandmas sister. His dad is my dads cousin... what does that make us?? Cousins? i really like him and im scared of ...
A. 13 December 2010: You are second cousins, as the common blood ancestor is a great-grandparent. I doubt people would have a problem with it.... (read in full...)
I don't understand why men need to look at porn when they have the real thing right in front of them.
Q. My boyfriend looks at porn all the time when he is not with me. I know because he has google chrome and it shows the most visited web pages when you go to open a new tab. It's sickening. I don't understand why men need to look at porn when they ...
A. 12 December 2010: Is he a considerate lover? Does he make sure it's good for you? And does that mean that he's making sure the setting is right, you've had a nice dinner, the dishes are done, that you're relaxed, maybe giving a bit of massage? And then lots of ... (read in full...)
My mother seems to not want me to move on
Q. I am 26 years old; still living at home..paying off loans, helping my parents and also not really making enough to be able to afford it My father is actually the more laid back, practical one..he doesn't question me really if i am going out..he wi...
A. 11 December 2010: Hon, you are clearly beyond the point where you should be living with your mother. I could tell you that you shouldn't be bothered by her attitude, but the fact of the matter is that you are, indeed, bothered by it. That's not likely to change. So ... (read in full...)
Coping with bereavement of losing your love to suicide
Q. You can rebuild your life after some very close has died. But you need to do it at your pace. It certainly made me face life without rose colored glasses. And it opened my eyes to the fact that some people do not have honorable intentions. I am ...
A. 10 December 2010: Thank you very much for sharing your story. I am sorry that you had this terrible experience, and even moreso that so many people tried to exploit you at such a vulnerable time. You have clearly learned some difficult lessons, lessons that one ... (read in full...)
Wild night with girlfriend only..did it turn me bisexual?
Q. I'm a straight male in a long term relationship. I have had enough women that I lost count, which I'm torn between "thinking I'm totally boss" and "feeling terrible" about forgetting some of their [past girlfriend's] names. I say this just to ...
A. 10 December 2010: The longer I spend on this site, the more I think that labels aren't necessarily helpful. Your experience may have awakened some latent curiosity. That's a big deal if you want it to be, or if you mess up your relationship by acting on it. ... (read in full...)
I'm a widower who has fallen in love with my divorced sister-in-law!
Q. help me.i have fallen in love with my sister in law.i am a widower and she is the sister of my now deceased wife.she is divorced and we both have grown up children. i know that she also has feelings for me but feels that our love is wrong and will...
A. 9 December 2010: You haven't said why she feels it's wrong and why it can't lead anywhere. That would help us give you decent advice.
Honestly, this sounds like it could be a very reasonable match. You've presumably known each other for some time. What, ex... (read in full...)
My self righteous, rude sister makes my girlfriend feel uncomfortable in my house!
Q. i have three sisters by which one of them is a loudmouth and can be a bitch a times. My girlfriend and my sister are total opposites. My gf wont tell someone off if she is offened while my sister would. She makes my gf feel uncomfortable in my own ...
A. 6 December 2010: I take it this is a younger sister? She sounds like she has considerable growing up to do. Is your mother aware of this behaviour? Your sister could use a parental lesson on common courtesy.
Sometimes the best solution is avoidance -- hang out... (read in full...)
I have a problem with my OWN sexual history!
Q. Right, this is probably going to said really silly but hey! When I was abit younger I was quite promiscuous, and now I can say I'm ashamed of it, but now I am settled down and in a relationship and would never go back to my wild days... But for some ...
A. 6 December 2010: You have learned the lessons from the mistakes you feel you've made. The next step is to forgive yourself. Beating yourself up for things that are past and cannot be changed is unproductive. Be kind to yourself and just let it go.... (read in full...)
Slept with someone after husband abandond me now he wants back
Q. Several months ago my husband walked out on me and my kids. He abandond us and left us with no money and than tried to take my car and informed me to moved out of our family hom so i had to move across contry. I actually went without eating for a ...
A. 6 December 2010: No, hon, I wouldn't tell him. And what you did was understandable. You had filed for divorce, and it was perfectly reasonable for you to look for support. You'll more than have your hands full trying to make a relationship work with your husband ... (read in full...)
Think my husband is having gay encounters
Q. Help! I recently discovered an email account I did nopt know about which led to Craigs lists postings I did not know about. Long story short, my husband of 18 years had communications with other men over a period of 4 months while travelling. He ...
A. 6 December 2010: This sounds like a mid-life crisis in the most extreme sense of the term. He has clearly become a danger to himself. Of greater concern is that he may have become a danger to you and your children.
It is far beyond my competence to advise y... (read in full...)
How effective is the pull out method?
Q. How effective is the pull out method? We have sex without contreception and we have been using this method for over a year now. And I still have not got pregnant. But how much of a chance could there be that I could get pregnant?...
A. 5 December 2010: How much of a chance? More or less the same as if he doesn't pull out. If you two are fertile together, basically 100% given enough time.... (read in full...)
Do all men secretly prefer big breasted women?
Q. I've read many articles which say many studies have been done which prove that men prefer larger breasts, even on an unconscious level, because most men consciously say that size doesn't matter. But science has proved otherwise. However, most men ...
A. 4 December 2010: Depends on the guy, of course. Personally I strongly dislike fake ones. But the fake ones you see are where the girl has gone overboard and given herself ones that are disproportionate and look fake.
Nor am I one of those who thinks bigger i... (read in full...)
Think my husband is having gay encounters
Q. Help! I recently discovered an email account I did nopt know about which led to Craigs lists postings I did not know about. Long story short, my husband of 18 years had communications with other men over a period of 4 months while travelling. He ...
A. 5 November 2010: I doubt you're an idiot.
If you know he gave out his room number I don't see how he has any plausible deniability. I would suggest that you proceed from here as is he has in fact done this. At the barest minimum he's so curious as to try some... (read in full...)
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