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... Send *. Grant a private message | | | *. Grant's profile:Reading Ann Landers for years growing up told me that there are all kinds of people who have issues they can't talk about with the people they're closest to. Dear Cupid is really just the modern equivalent, but so much more immediate. This is a place where people can get real input from real people. I'm happy to help where I can. |
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Think my husband is having gay encounters
Q. Help! I recently discovered an email account I did nopt know about which led to Craigs lists postings I did not know about. Long story short, my husband of 18 years had communications with other men over a period of 4 months while travelling. He ...
A. 6 December 2010: This sounds like a mid-life crisis in the most extreme sense of the term. He has clearly become a danger to himself. Of greater concern is that he may have become a danger to you and your children.
It is far beyond my competence to advise y... (read in full...)
Do all men secretly prefer big breasted women?
Q. I've read many articles which say many studies have been done which prove that men prefer larger breasts, even on an unconscious level, because most men consciously say that size doesn't matter. But science has proved otherwise. However, most men ...
A. 4 December 2010: Depends on the guy, of course. Personally I strongly dislike fake ones. But the fake ones you see are where the girl has gone overboard and given herself ones that are disproportionate and look fake.
Nor am I one of those who thinks bigger i... (read in full...)
To tell, or not to tell...that is the question!!!
Q. I need some advice and would like to know what people think i should do. A couple of weeks ago i went to an engagement party and the chemistry between the barman and i was incredible. I caught him looking at me in the mirror loads and i was very a...
A. 4 December 2010: Good for you -- for looking out for number one, and for being so sensitive at the same time.
Personally I don't care for conflict, so I wouldn't be inclined to tell him myself. Just imagining how awkward a conversation that would be gives me... (read in full...)
To tell, or not to tell...that is the question!!!
Q. I need some advice and would like to know what people think i should do. A couple of weeks ago i went to an engagement party and the chemistry between the barman and i was incredible. I caught him looking at me in the mirror loads and i was very a...
A. 4 December 2010: You'll have to judge which way is going to cause the smaller amount of conflict. From how you describe things you're going to have a certain amount of trouble either way (although why it's any of his business is beyond me -- is this why he's an ... (read in full...)
Revealing too much at the swimming pool
Q. There is this girl at the gym who wears a bathing suit that is way too revealing! It only covers half of her breasts and only a quarter of her ass. It is almost seethru, and she always has T.H.O.'s. She makes a point to walk slowly around the pool ...
A. 3 December 2010: Sounds like bad taste for a public swimming pool, but not unusual for the beach.... (read in full...)
Adoption? Abortion? Or keeping the baby from an unplanned pregnancy?
Q. This isn't a relationship question really. But out of blatant curiosity I was wondering if people out there would share their opinion on whether they think adoption, abortion or keeping an unplanned baby is the best option and why they feel that ...
A. 2 December 2010: Adoption is IMHO a very generous and courageous choice. There are countless couples out there anxious to adopt infants, and prospective adoptive parents are screened for suitability.
If, however, the mother is not prepared to take care of herse... (read in full...)
B/f wants a room he can fill with pictures of naked women!
Q. Girls (or boys can answer too i guess to give your side) How do you feel about the fact your bf/fiance/husband has or wants a room to be his (like a games room) and have it filled with pictures of naked women??? I was just talkin to my bf and...
A. 26 November 2010: Posters on the walls are quite OK for adolescents.
You didn't make it clear if the two of you are moving in together. If it's going to be your home, too, then if you're not OK with it then it's a no go, period. And frankly, why would you want... (read in full...)
In love with my 5th cousin
Q. I'm 15 years old. I'm in love with my 5th cousin and my parents made us break up when we first started dating because they thought it was nasty and horrid to date your cousins. So, I had to break up with him. Later on, we still talked on the phone ...
A. 25 November 2010: For this person to be your fifth cousin, the closest relative you would have in common would be a great great great great grandparent. Most of us would have no idea we shared a relative that far back. Are you sure you're using the correct term?
... (read in full...)
He keeps telling me I need to lose weight and it's really hurting my feelings.
Q. OK, here's a cliche situation. I am an older, married woman with two kids. I have a demanding job and I take on the bulk of the child care responsibilities. I work out abotu 3 times a week. My husband has repeatedly told me that I need to "take ...
A. 19 November 2010: I'm more with walkin'dude on this one. You're a busy, stressed professional mother, making an important contribution to your family. He should be more appreciative, and more tactful.
Maybe he doesn't understand how hurtful his comments are. So... (read in full...)
I want to get to know this woman better but she is my TA!
Q. I currently attend the University of Kansas where I met my TA for one of my classes, I noticed how beautiful she was. She's Brazilian and I'm Latino (no difference I suppose), so we know a fair amount of Spanish. We got along great, I was the first ...
A. 16 November 2010: Just be confident and polite. Ask her about Brazil, about her education background, favourite profs -- anything at all, really, but stay focussed on *her*. Sounds like you're on the right track. :)... (read in full...)
I want to get to know this woman better but she is my TA!
Q. I currently attend the University of Kansas where I met my TA for one of my classes, I noticed how beautiful she was. She's Brazilian and I'm Latino (no difference I suppose), so we know a fair amount of Spanish. We got along great, I was the first ...
A. 16 November 2010: I'm not sure that exactly being a TA involves where you are. When I was a TA I wasn't in a position of power over anyone in any meaningful way, so a relationship wouldn't have been an issue. Regardless, the course is probably done in five or so ... (read in full...)
I'm 13 and my girlfriend wants to have sex, if we don't she'll dump me!
Q. I'm 13 and my girlfriend really wants to have sex. My best friend did it once and said it was a great experience. I'm breaking under peer pressure and need help. We've been going out for 10 months and I really like her. She said if I don't have sex ...
A. 14 November 2010: When girls write in with this question we tell her that she's considering it for all the wrong reasons, and we call the guy who's pressuring her nasty names. I don't see why it should be any different when the shoe is on the other foot.
Lots ... (read in full...)
Got quotes?
Q. got good quotes ? any kind . love , life , dark , light . you name it . I need some good ones for my class . lol . help me out . post one or more(: thanks ....
A. 14 November 2010: What is life? It is the flash of a firefly in the night. It is the breath of a buffalo in the wintertime. It is the little shadow which runs across the grass and loses itself in the sunset. (Chief Crowfoot)... (read in full...)
I'm torn on whether or not I should divorce my alcoholic husband.
Q. I'm torn on whether or not I should divorce my husband. A year ago, pill popping and alcohol abuse led to him physically abusing me. I called the police (later dropping the charges) and left the house for two months and got some therapy. I went ...
A. 14 November 2010: It won't get better. Not until he hits "rock bottom." And I can't imagine that happening as long as you're there for him to keep things together.
Talk to these people: http://www.al-anon.alateen.org/english.html
They can help you to see more ... (read in full...)
At the cross roads........
Q. i am in my mid 40s married for 20years together for 25 years with 2 children over 18now. i have wonderful life with my wife and family but have fallen out of love with her about a year ago and emotionally diconnected from her. only resently i shared ...
A. 11 November 2010: I guess a question you might ask yourself is whether you see yourself as an honourable person. That might offer you some guidance.... (read in full...)
Retroactive jealousy and small penis paranoia
Q. i believe i have two issues that combine to ruin my life and my relationship. a relationship with someone that needs me more than I have ever been needed - she is so sweet and so beautiful - she has no one else to turn to or to be loved by but her ...
A. 11 November 2010: If you're worried about your size, her past as a prostitute should actually be a help. Think about it -- her encounters with clients were 100% about their dicks. She'll have see it all -- big, small, hung, micro -- and 95%+ of them will have done ... (read in full...)
Oil and condoms.....
Q. Dear agony aunt, This is another condom related question. I read that oil based lubricants such as baby oil and body lotion should not be used. However, what if at that time it totally slipped our minds that our hands had some body lotion (due to ...
A. 11 November 2010: The problem with oils is that they will break down the latex, so that the condom is more likely to leak. Generally if you're using something as lube you'll use relatively a lot of it, so the latex can be undermined in the time it takes to have ... (read in full...)
Is it okay to embrace the feeling the friend gave me and does it make me gay?
Q. As Katy Perry said "I Kissed a girl and I liked it". The problem is the girl who kissed me was a friend and I responded. I was quite ashamed about it and never spoke about it to anyone until the other day, when I accidently slipped to a friend, ...
A. 11 November 2010: So many people crave that feeling of being loved and cared for. That you're over 30 and in that situation, having felt it only fleetingly in the past, it awfully sad. You should revel in that feeling wherever it comes from.
You implied that you... (read in full...)
I feel that my eldest daughter doesn't appreciate anything that I do for her!
Q. Hi, I'm hoping to get some advice regarding my daughter. She is 22 and since age 16 has gone straight from one boyfriend to another, usually unemployed guys who don't treat her well. Last year I told her that her latest BF couldn't live here but ...
A. 9 November 2010: Our children do what we let them get away with. You've made perfectly reasonable rules. She's not abiding by them. And you have let her get away with it.
Am I correct in thinking that your fear is that she will fail to complete her educatio... (read in full...)
Is there any hope for a freak like me?
Q. This is really rather embarrassing to admit but reading through some of the questions on this site, I find myself curious for the answer. So here goes. Takes deep breath, Im 32 and have never been in love or a romantic relationship. So what am I ...
A. 9 November 2010: Oh my, dear, please don't use the word 'freak.' That's just not on.
It's quite true that it's easier to meet someone when you're amongst many peers -- in high school, in university -- when you're with a group of people your own age and with sim... (read in full...)
Telling him about a drunken mistake could cost our future together
Q. I am 27 years old and been with my partner for nearly 7 years. Last year we were going through a really bad patch and arguing a lot. One night we went out with a few friends and we had all had some drugs and acholol. We have now distanced ourselves ...
A. 8 November 2010: Hon, I don't want to pile on here, but I do think the first answer is quite right on. If you try to keep the secret, you're setting yourself up to live in fear that he'll find out from someone else.
You're quite right that you're taking a risk b... (read in full...)
What can I do about this dilemma without alienating any of my friends?
Q. I have a good friend (We'll call him John - not his real name!) who I have known since college. We've always got on well, and we still see each other on a regular basis and until recently I've always enjoyed us spending time together. The thing is...
A. 8 November 2010: There's no way to please everyone in this situation. John and Steve are joined at the hip. If John really treasures your friendship, he will on occasion agree to see you without Steve, but at a minimum Steve's nose will be out of joint, and John ... (read in full...)
Is it strange that me and my fiance don't shower together?
Q. My Cousin stayed the weekend with me and my Fiance recently and we had got done making Dinner and he went to take a Shower and my Cousin says 'your not gonna take a shower with him' and i say No 'Why and she says have you ever showered together, i ...
A. 8 November 2010: Different strokes for different folks. Some do shower together -- it can be fun. Not all the time, of course, but once in a while.... (read in full...)
How do I help war affected victims?
Q. hi there, i want to help out the victims who have been affected by war, i've been reading the genocide which occurred against the Tamil people in Sri lanka, the conditions of tamil people are worst at the moment, i want to help them. How do i do ...
A. 8 November 2010: There are lots of different aid agencies active internationally. Check the websites for the Red Cross, Doctors without Borders, UNICEF, Oxfam, etc. and see who is active in Sri Lanka and how you might help.... (read in full...)
I Can't let my escort/girlfriend go...
Q. I don't know where or how to start. I am so emotionally messed up. I'm 40 years old and I met this girl who is an escort and fell in love with her. The first time I slept with her I knew nothing about her life of prostitution. She was a 27 year old...
A. 7 November 2010: I think you're more into her than she is into you. It sounds like the 'relationship' is only on her terms, that you're a sort of security blanket for her. I'm sorry, but I don't see how this is going to evolve into a healthy relationship for you.... (read in full...)
My wife thinks I won't protect her and her child
Q. Myself and wife and her 13 year old daughter from a previous marriage were watching a high school football game last night sounds good right? Well my step daughter who was getting bored with the game and wanted to walk around so my wife said ok to ...
A. 7 November 2010: You've walked right in to the middle of the difficulty with blended families. Your wife has a different idea about child-rearing than you do. Personally I'm on your side as you've described the situation. I don't know what discussions you had ... (read in full...)
How do you fix a problem when your partner doesn't think anything is wrong?
Q. I don't even know where to start. I feel kind of odd that I am filling this out since this isn't something I normally would do but I just don't know what else to do. My husband and I have been married three years and been together almost ...
A. 7 November 2010: A professional marriage counsellor can help you deal with these issues. Even if your husband doesn't see a problem, the fact that you're unhappy should prompt him to see a counsellor with you.... (read in full...)
My 10 year old doesn't want to meet her long lost father!
Q. I had my daughter when I was 15 years old. I'm now 25 and she is a beautiful ten year old who is now in the sixth grade (she skipped a grade because she's a smart cookie!). Her father, unfortunately, decided not to be part of her life (or mine, f...
A. 7 November 2010: Honour your daughter's wishes. This man has no relevance to her life, and it would be horribly wrong for him to force his way into her life against her wishes. She knows who he is, she knows that he's interested in meeting her, so she has the ... (read in full...)
BJ with or without a tongue piercing
Q. How does a blow job feel with a tongue stud compared to one without? I've never had one with, but I am very turned on by a pierced tongue. I'll never get to experience a BJ with one, but was just wondering. ...
A. 7 November 2010: I've never had the experience with a piercing. But my brother told me it was a good thing.... (read in full...)
Think my husband is having gay encounters
Q. Help! I recently discovered an email account I did nopt know about which led to Craigs lists postings I did not know about. Long story short, my husband of 18 years had communications with other men over a period of 4 months while travelling. He ...
A. 5 November 2010: I doubt you're an idiot.
If you know he gave out his room number I don't see how he has any plausible deniability. I would suggest that you proceed from here as is he has in fact done this. At the barest minimum he's so curious as to try some... (read in full...)
Should my Brother-in-law have helped me dress?
Q. I am 24, and my sister's husband took me to a hospital for a minor procedure that involved anesthesia. When I was done, he came in to see me. The nurse came in and said I could go, but needed to get dressed. She assumed he was my husband, and ...
A. 5 November 2010: This sounds like a "no harm, no foul" situation. He was helping you when you needed it, with no evident salacious intent. All you can do is laugh about it.... (read in full...)
Penis enlargement medications?
Q. I know there are many adverts on the internet for penis enlargement schemes and medications but I would be grateful to know if any of the readers has tried any of these and found it effective and true to its advertisement? thanks. ...
A. 4 November 2010:
The fact that some of the manufacturers ended up in jail probably tells you all you need to know:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Enzyte... (read in full...)
My wife wants to separate because we are third cousins!
Q. hello... i am married and have 2 boys and healthy, my wife has realised that we are 3rd cousins although she know that before we got married, i did not really pay much attention to that since we are far related and am deeply in love with her and now ...
A. 3 November 2010: She's feeding you a line. The concern about marrying a relative is that it will result in problems with offspring. You already have had children together, so it's a bit late for that concern. Third cousin is a laughably distant relationship.... (read in full...)
No sex after jacking off?
Q. Is man unable to sex with girl after doing many time jack off?...
A. 2 November 2010: Depends on how old he is and how recent was his last session. ... (read in full...)
I’m Seriously Considering Having an Affair with My Ex-Boyfriend/Best Friend
Q. Sorry... it's a LONG one to read if you have time :-D So, I’ve been married for 6 years to my husband. I’m 28 and he’s 32. We had a great foundation of friendship before we got married and he is a wonderful man as far as he tries to provide...
A. 2 November 2010: So, you guys come from a religious background, did I read that right? So chances are that your husband wouldn't be OK with the idea of you getting your (disgusting, to him) needs met elsewhere? It would be so much better if he was prepared to ... (read in full...)
Is sex bad for guys if the girl is a virgin?
Q. Ive been with this guy for almost two years and i love him.a few days ago i lost my virginity to him and im so confused. it was nothing like i thought...it didnt hurt or anything it went fine for me .but from what people say it isnt good for the guy ...
A. 2 November 2010: I'm sure it was great. And it will get even better with practice. Don't worry -- if you enjoyed yourself then he did too.... (read in full...)
My sister has been reading my personal emails, should I write something mean about her so she can read it?
Q. So my sister has been reading my emails for a while not sure how long.I emailed my mother she quickly replied and also said i should delete that email because my sister can read them.I cried im hurt i talk with my husband and my friends very ...
A. 2 November 2010: First get yourself a new email account with a very different password. Be sure to use a password that she can't possibly guess.
Cutting her out of your life is rather harsh. As angry as you are now, do you really want to lose her forever?... (read in full...)
Can a girl have sex during her period?
Q. Can a boy and a girl have sex when the girl is in her periods time ...
A. 2 November 2010: Yes, but of course it's a bit messier than usual. Put an old towel down over the sheets.... (read in full...)
Is this urge normal?
Q. Hi 15 year old here sophomore in highschool and some days in school I feel an urge and I go to the bathroom and masturbate in school, is this normal...
A. 2 November 2010: It's not unusual to have the idea jump into your head. But a washroom at school? Bad idea. You have very little guarantee of privacy there, and the reputation you'd get if you were caught would follow you for the rest of your school life. Wait ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend has stolen things from me and given them to someone else!!
Q. My boyfriend has stolen things from me and given them to someone else! Most of the things are things he has given to me. He does not think he has done anything wrong because he gave them to me, so he says that it was his anyway. He has given them to ...
A. 2 November 2010: The fact that he doesn't understand why you're upset suggests that you two are operating on fundamentally different sets of values. Doesn't sound like the basis for a good relationship in the long run, does it?... (read in full...)
I told my wife I thought about another woman and now she hates me.
Q. I am a very happliy married guy, 2 years married but we have been together for 6, We had a tough few years to begin, with and went to councling and were both very happy with the result, but now i met this other girl, who i dont know and dont want to ...
A. 2 November 2010: This happened with friends of ours a while ago. Even though they're quite a bit older than you it still hurt her to hear it.
Look, this happens to everyone at one time or another. You acknowledge the feeling and move on. And you don't tell you... (read in full...)
I'm terrified for my friend who is being deployed to Afghanistan!
Q. This isn't a relationship question but i feel like i really could do with some help. For the past few months i've been thinking about death, yes death, the reason this came about is because a friend, who's in the army, is being deployed to afgh...
A. 31 October 2010: The U.K. has between 9,000 and 10,000 troops in Afghanistan at a given time. To date in 2010 96 have died. Since 2001 341 British soldiers have died there. So yes, 1% give or take is the risk this year.... (read in full...)
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