| Latest articles: Love Shouldn’t Hurt: Signs of Abusive Behaviour
This question has 2 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
21 April 2009: Covered in this article: Ask yourself | What are the signs of an abuser? | What is abuse? | Now what? | Escape plan | Shelters | Summary ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- +++INTRODUCTIO...
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Abortion or adoption?....17 and torn.
Q. Alright so I am seventeen years old. I have been with my boyfriend for 8 months. I don't have a job but am vigorously looking. My boyfriend has a job with very few hours and min. wage. I just found out yesterday that I am about 17 weeks pregnant...
A. 5 March 2009: Congratulations! Your baby is lucky to be surrounded by many loving aunts and uncles and grandmas and grandpas! :-)
Cat
... (read in full...)
My breasts are different sizes
Q. Hey, I'm 16 and my breast's are different sizes. I know that its perfectly normal because no woman has two equally sized breasts, But i wear a C-cup bra, and one is too big for it, and one is too small. So im guessing, one is B and one is D - t...
A. 21 February 2009: I am sort of the same, though when I lose some weight (to 100 lbs instead of 115 lbs) it doesn't show as much because I wear the same comfortable (not tight, but not baggy) tops/blouses. What I do when I wear body hugging tops is that I take out the ... (read in full...)
He wants to travel, I don't want him to, what do I do?
Q. Hi, I NEED HELP... I've been with my boyfriends for a while now, and I love him to death there's absolutely no one I could imagine spending my life with. He's my best friend, and we share these same feelings. My boyfriend and I have experienced s...
A. 21 February 2009: I have both suggestions and past story for you.
Suggestion: Have you considered being a freelance correspondent (or as a photo-journalist) for your papers in Australia, or for those travel books? Those travel guide books always take in updated ... (read in full...)
Should I go to these parties, even though my boyfriend doesn't approve?
Q. my boyfriend has the biggest problem with me going to parties and he will cuss at me and get really reall mad. he says that he doesnt want me around all those boys because he thinks they'll try something with me.i think he doesn't trust me and thi...
A. 20 February 2009: Aaahhhh ... teenage hormones and rebellions :-) I vaguely remember those times in my life ... LOL
You did good coming to this site asking for advice from your good aunts and uncles though.
Uncle Martini and Aunt SatinDesire have listed some... (read in full...)
At the end of the day boobs are boobs and vajayjays are vajayjays so what's the big deal???
Q. Hiya :) I feel stupid asking this but this site has always answered my questions and really helped before so anyway.. I have never got naked in front of a guy before (or girl for that matter lol) Reason is because I've never been intimate with a ...
A. 20 February 2009: I am a "petite" (well, okay, I admit, I am short ... LOL) with very pretty slim fingers (which remain slim even when I gained 10 lbs a couple of years ago ... weird!) and rather big upper arms so I am never comfortable wearing sleeveless tops. And ... (read in full...)
My best friends went on vacation without telling me!
Q. My two best friends went on vacation together without me and now one keeps texting me and telling me all the fun things they did/ the hot guys they met. i was hurt enough just finding out about it. now, it's like adding insult to injury, you know? ...
A. 19 February 2009: Hi Kitty,
With a name like that, how could anyone not invite you? (hug)
But seriously, did you ever ask them why they did that? You said this is the second time? Could it be because they may be afraid to ask you because you had other committmen... (read in full...)
Do lots of guys think vaginas are sort of gross/weird?
Q. do most guys think vaginas are kind of gross? bc my boyfriend mentioned it the other day (he said "gross" isn't really the right word - and he kinda regretted using the word gross because he realized it probably came across as way too harsh. plus he ...
A. 19 February 2009: I am really sorry but I could not stop laughing reading both the question and the answer. It is sooo hilarious. But a good innocent question nevertheless. I love it!
The question reminded me of a kid (that be your b/f) who does not like the colo... (read in full...)
I think my parents are being very unreasonable. Can anyone offer any advice?
Q. Hi. I proposed to my fiancee a couple of years ago. We are fantastic together and I couldn't have wished for a better lady. We planned the wedding and started paying it. So far, we have managed to pay half the costs. Then, late last year, I lost my ...
A. 19 February 2009: Hi. Will your parents adopt me? LOL Gumbbo had the perfect solution on sharing costs for wedding and house. I wished my parents have the means to do what your parents offered to do for you. If and when I get married, When I was in college, ... (read in full...)
How can I sound more intelligent when I'm talking to him?
Q. I feel kinda dumb around the guy I like, he uses all these big words, I wanna open up a thesaurus and build my own vocabulary so I can sound witty and smart, is that bad? Is he right for me if he's smarter than me? It's so attractive to me and I ...
A. 19 February 2009: You are getting a Master's degree?? Then you are probably amongst the top 10-20% of educated people in the US! LOL And you will be a teacher/professor??? In my book, you are already wayyyy up there on the smart department! LOL Guess what, peo... (read in full...)
Is this verbal abuse?
Q. I am wondering whether being called a whimp by a guy for not doing what he wants me to do and saying that I asked a stupid question would be classified as verbal abuse, I have a history of getting involved with abusive men....
A. 19 February 2009: I think on this site, if you search using key words such as "verbal abuse", or "abuse" or "emotional abuse" you will find many postings asking similar questions (with different relationship situations). I too came to this site asking a similar... (read in full...)
Is it worth losing my family and friends in order to achieve my dreams?
Q. I'm 20, female and from a traditional muslim family. I was abused in more ways then one, everyone thinks I'm useless. I completed my A levels, got into uni but my parents didn't let me go. I have no indepedence, no job, no money, no life and have ...
A. 19 February 2009: It must be really hard for you right now, but please do keep faith in being strong. Child abuse is not confined to Muslim families only, unfortunately it also happens accross the world regardless of their cultures and religion. You are not us... (read in full...)
Abortion or adoption?....17 and torn.
Q. Alright so I am seventeen years old. I have been with my boyfriend for 8 months. I don't have a job but am vigorously looking. My boyfriend has a job with very few hours and min. wage. I just found out yesterday that I am about 17 weeks pregnant...
A. 19 February 2009: First of all, please make sure that if you were to have an obortion, you are still within the "safety" limit of it. Like any invasive medical treatment/procedure (of which this would be one), there are risks - both physical as well psychological - ... (read in full...)
The bad times never seem to stop! Does anyone else have this experience?
Q. Hello,I wonder what would most of you say about this problem. Now, I can't go into long detales, as it would be very long story, so I won't . But I just try to tell ,what is the general thing. I"m a realistic, mostly logical person, I think....
A. 18 February 2009: I think most of us go through periods of ups and downs in our lives. When you are down, it is only natural that you find it difficult to see the positive side of the situation.
Yes, I have been there too, and I am sure I will continue to have my ... (read in full...)
Why did I say no when I wanted to say yes to his proposal?
Q. I've been with my boyfriend for about a year and he recently asked me to marry him. He is the most wonderful man I could ever have asked for, but for some reason, even though my head and heart wanted to say yes, I said no. I've broken his heart and ...
A. 18 February 2009: Is there a time frame between when one asks the big M question until the actual wedding date? If you truly love him, and you now realize that you have caused a "major ego bruise" on him (as gumbbo pointed out), then NOW is the time you go to him and ... (read in full...)
I sent her an email I regret, its been downhill ever since, can I make things right?
Q. I really need some advice. There is a incredible woman I've been in love with for some time now. We've seen each other for about a year, but these feelings didn't begin till last summer. She's the type of woman I think I would do almost anything ...
A. 18 February 2009: I think I watch too many chick-flicks. LOL When I read your posting, I sensed that you are a very sincere person (though not without faults ... but at least you admitted to it). A female anonymous suggested that you come to her place to ask her... (read in full...)
How can I forget that my b/f had sex with someone else?
Q. how can i forget my boyfriend had sex with someone else? how can i trust that he wont hurt me again? i want to trust him but i dont think i know how any more well me and my bf have been together for almost 4 years he is my first everything ...
A. 18 February 2009: I can just imagine how difficult it must be for you to have your 4 years long relationship ended. No matter how old (or young) we are, "change" could be a scary thing. You have been used to being as a couple, do things as a couple, thinking as a ... (read in full...)
15 and wanting a baby!
Q. I'm 15 years old, and my boyfriend and I have been trying to have a baby for three months. My boyfriend is 18, and we both have agreed we're ready. We already live together. I don't have to worry about dropping out because I do online schoolin...
A. 18 February 2009: At 15 and have been trying only 3 months and already asking the question "is it meant not to be" is already a good indication of not thinking this through ... and leaving it to FATE only. Yet, there are all kinds of factors that you need to consider ... (read in full...)
Do LDR relationships work?
Q. ONE SIMPLE QUESTION: DO LONG DISTANCE RELATIONSHIPS (LDR) WORK? answer however you like.. yes, no, youre opinions or experiences etc. anything would be helpful! thanks...
A. 17 February 2009: I was in a long distance relationship for 2 years (we had to be in separate countries, after being together for 2 years before that). It did not work because in the end, we had both settled in our dream jobs (at the time) ... but we are still very ... (read in full...)
I feel so inferior to all these porn stars and celebrities, what to do to raise my self esteem?
Q. I have a very stupid problem. I hate myself. More specifically, I hate my body. I feel so inferior to porn stars or celebrities. Whenever I see a scantily clad woman I feel so, so ugly and unsexy. I will never be pretty or attractive. I just don't ...
A. 17 February 2009: I think everyone here is saying sex appeal does NOT come from the FLESH only. Men who do prefer just flesh over mind/brain/heart are the ones you don't want to be with, right? So your current b/f still oogles photoshopped women and women that look ... (read in full...)
Boyfriend is acting funny
Q. My boyfriend did something Friday night that found inappropriate and he told me I was just being jealous.... like he says a lot lately.... he doesn't want apologies. He did make me dinner for Vday and chocolates but said he was just being nice for ...
A. 17 February 2009: Two things that come to my mind as I was reading this: (1) he is rebelling against his feelings of having to be away for 3 years - hence he is acting funny and acting out as if everything you do annoys him, or (2) he is looking for an excuse so that ... (read in full...)
Short girl tall guy?
Q. How do tall guys 6'3/6'4 feel about short girls? I'm 5'1 and I've been feeling really insecure about it lately b/c the guy I like is around 6'3-6'4 hes a giant..how can I kiss him? is it strange to u guys if you were with a short girl? how do u ...
A. 16 February 2009: Sweetie, would you rather be with a guy who does not love nor treat you well but has a compatible height with you, than be with a guy who loves and respects and treat you well regardless of his height? I had a really [genetically] skinny friend in ... (read in full...)
Online dating!
Q. Has anyone had any good outcomes from online dating? I started online dating in September 2008 and met someone in November, it didn't work out and shes put me off for life :(. She was very insecure and has major ex boyfriend issues, I didn't find ...
A. 16 February 2009: Like Telullah said, never say never!
Actually, online dating is not that much different from real life dating, in the sense that you meet wonderful and awful people anywhere anyways.
I registered on two sites (as a free member ... that's how u... (read in full...)
B/f can't focus beyond where his brain stops processing
Q. My b/f is not very experienced in the sex department. Although he seems to know what he is doing, he is still very unsure of a lot. Especially for his age. :o( So here's the thing. I've told him a few times that my fav. thing is to be fingered. ...
A. 16 February 2009: You sound like a very likeable person with a good sense of humour, judging by your posting. Despite being frustrated by your man, you still see the funny side of it by asking him "and you do this now why??" LOL
Like Penguin64 said, you need to ... (read in full...)
What interests older men about younger girls?
Q. What interests older men about younger girls? I'm not talking about a 40 year old and a 12 year old... I mean, like, a 30 year old and an 18 year old. She's too old to still be too innocent, and isn't that what mean are usually in to? i'm asking ...
A. 16 February 2009: Anonymous bases his inputs on "evolution" theory: survival of the fittest! LOL. To add to his input, here's another thought: security? I mean, a man his age would be more likely to be in a more secured or at least is already on the way of ... (read in full...)
Short girl tall guy?
Q. How do tall guys 6'3/6'4 feel about short girls? I'm 5'1 and I've been feeling really insecure about it lately b/c the guy I like is around 6'3-6'4 hes a giant..how can I kiss him? is it strange to u guys if you were with a short girl? how do u ...
A. 16 February 2009: It is not the size that matters, it is the heart and the soul of the person that is more important :-) I am 4'11", had a 6'6" wonderful b/f! None of us was interested nor good in dancing so that was not a problem. LOL. But the rest was just aw... (read in full...)
Would seeing the scars on my thigh put a guy off?
Q. About a year and a half ago, I experimented a little in the way of self harm (cutting) when I got angry/upset. On the two occasions I did it, I was very drunk. On the second occasion that it happened, I was extremely drunk and was cutting my leg a ...
A. 16 February 2009: If your boyfriend is a good person, whe he kisses your scars and say "i will be here to help you heal" could also mean both physical and emotional scars. But again, communication is first and foremost. Appreciate his positive support toward your ... (read in full...)
I have clitoridean orgasms, but not during sex, what's wrong?
Q. Im having A MAJOR NIGHTMARE I can orgasm with clitorial stimulation. But I cant have one during sex ! no matter how hard we try. weve tried positions and everything ! WHATS WRONG WITH ME??????? I WILL EXPLODE ! [Moderator's note: You say you ca...
A. 15 February 2009: I used to think that too, until a partner (about 10 years) ago "hit the spot" during intercourse ... and I was never the same after that! LOL
Interestingly, we were so "busy" we sort forgot which how it happened that one time so we "practic... (read in full...)
Has anyone ever heard of someone my age or older initiating a career in music and being successful?
Q. Good evening (and happy Valentine's Day) everyone, I didn't feel comfortable revealing my identity, but I will say this: that I'm one of the "regular" aunts on this site. Anytime someone needs me, I'm always happy to listen and I understand feeli...
A. 15 February 2009: I am not an artist, just an admirer of the art world! (because I can't sing nor play any musical instrument nor paint nor draw to safe my life! ... get the drift?) LOL Just a thought here: Do you write original music pieces? Songs? Do you si... (read in full...)
Would seeing the scars on my thigh put a guy off?
Q. About a year and a half ago, I experimented a little in the way of self harm (cutting) when I got angry/upset. On the two occasions I did it, I was very drunk. On the second occasion that it happened, I was extremely drunk and was cutting my leg a ...
A. 15 February 2009: If he is a good person, he'll kiss each and every single one of your scars and say "If you allow me, I will help you heal" xoxoxo ...... (read in full...)
What does becoming redundant mean?
Q. What Does becoming redundant mean. I guess I am a uninformed American (I was going to say Stupid...but I'm not) I think I know what it means but not sure. I have asked the question in one of my answers to someone else, but haven't heard back. I...
A. 15 February 2009: Concise Oxford Dictionary (10th Edition). redundant -- [adjective] 1) no longer needed or useful; superfluous. - (of words) able to be omitted without loss of meaning or function. - Engineering (of a component) not strictly necess... (read in full...)
What can be done about the lack of passion and all the other flaws in my marriage?
Q. Hi all, this is going to be long and complicated but I would really appreciate your help. I met my husband 8 years ago and we have just had a gorgeous daughter. Up until around 6 months ago we had a good relationship. Now I am all messed up ...
A. 15 February 2009: You've "molded" him into what he is now for 8 years! :-) He'll be kicking and screaming and sulking when you take away his "pacifiers" as Steve suggested, just like a child would. Change your cards' PINs, take out his name and access from the ... (read in full...)
I'm NOT pregnant and b/f driving me crazy asking me every day if I am!
Q. I have been with my bf off and on for a year now. One of the reasons we broke up before is he drove me nuts asking me everyday if i was pregnant. I am on the pill and he pulls out, usually. Well, last weekend he didn't pull out but the next day I ...
A. 14 February 2009: Ask him nicely, whether he wants one or is afraid of one. If he doesn't want one, then suggest to him that he can increase the chances of non-pregnancy by wearing a condom (which, btw, would also be better for you w/ regards to STDs). I think he ... (read in full...)
I don't want to follow in my family's footsteps...
Q. Hi, How can I argue to my parents that I don't want to follow their religion any more? We talked about Islam recently and they say I MUST follow it "for my own good" although I said I was atheist. My siblings are all being mean and pushy to me and ...
A. 14 February 2009: Do you have a "secular imam" that you can talk to? I know the phrase sounds paradoxical, but there are preachers (of any religion) that may be help you to explain some religious issues that you have a hard time coming to grips with, in a "language" ... (read in full...)
I felt really uncomfortable when he touched me "there!"
Q. there's this guy that I've spent nearly everyday after school with since I was 12. He's my mom's best friend so she don't have a problem with me staying in his apartment until she gets home from work. He's been acting really strange around me latly ...
A. 14 February 2009: Did you say he is your mom's best friend? So he is an adult? If he is, please be careful, and let your mom (and your most trusted friend, if you have one) about it. He may be a paedophile, and according to the law, he is committing a crime against ... (read in full...)
I have a wonderful man waiting for me but I'm too scared to leave my abusive boyfriend!
Q. I'm stuck in an abusive relationship and I have a way out, but I never take it. I'm 23 and I've been with my boyfriend since I was 14 and we have a house together. For the past three years or so he has been mean and abusive. He shouts at me, hits me ...
A. 13 February 2009: Please please gather your courage NOW and leave your boyfriend! You are endangering an innocent human being that is growing inside you. If you had time you might want to plan ahead and take some things with you when you leave him, but your life and ... (read in full...)
Smack talking
Q. There's these two friends that are very close. They both talk smack about each other behind their backs and tells me everything. And they don't want me to tell anyone anything. If I tell them to confront one another they'll say "she'll take it the ...
A. 13 February 2009: I agree with boobunny. The thing about people who easily gossips and say negative things about others behind their back, tend to do it indiscriminately too. Next time, it may be you that they talk smack about.
Next time they badmouth anyone, ... (read in full...)
If he's telling the truth why won't he take the lie detector test?
Q. My husband of 10 1/2 years says he didn't cheat on me. However, I don't believe him and want him to take a lie detector test. He said, "I will not take one because of my integrity. And, I know I didn't do anything." So, my question is...if he ...
A. 13 February 2009: Get the new car. Get the new house (bigger I hope, with enough extra rooms upstairs that you can rent out to college students or single office workers to earn extra income in these hard times). But tell him if he took the test and failed, HE could ... (read in full...)
I've been having sex with many women and now my wife wants to end the marriage but I don't!
Q. hello i love me wife and kids. for the last years i have been having sex with many women. as this action has no reason my sexual realationship with my wife has been down hill, following the birth of our son. this action on her part did not help me ...
A. 13 February 2009: Let me ask you this first: (1) What does the term "marriage" mean to you? (2) Did you and your wife have a marriage vow, and did you both stand by it?
I think any willingness to change (in this case, your sleeping with other women) has to come fro... (read in full...)
I'm pregnant and do not want children. Do I abort it or put it up for adoption?
Q. My birthday was two days ago, and for my present I found out that I am pregnant. For many people this would be fabulous news! And I really do want children, however due to finances, we really cannot afford to have a baby just yet. We were using ...
A. 12 February 2009: Please see another posting today http://www.dearcupid.org/question/pros---cons-for-adoption--.html (Pros and Cons of adoption) Cat... (read in full...)
Pros & Cons for adoption & Abortion?
Q. I have a question. My girlfriend just found out she is pregnant and we can't keep the baby. Basically she has to decide whether to get an abortion or give the baby up for adoption. I was just wondering what the pros and cons were for each option. ...
A. 12 February 2009: Please see another posting today : "I'm pregnant and do not want children. Do I abort it or put it up for adoption?" or this link -- http://www.dearcupid.org/questio... (read in full...)
Should we keep this as just a fantasy?
Q. My husband and I have a fantasy we want to act out. I want him to go out and sleep with another woman and then come home and talk dirty to me about it. Should we do it or keep it fantasy?...
A. 12 February 2009: Instead of sleeping with another woman (sounds trouble in the future to me!), why don't you "play the role of another woman"? For instance, from time to time, you dress up quite differently from your regular style, talk differently, etc etc. This ... (read in full...)
I'm pregnant and do not want children. Do I abort it or put it up for adoption?
Q. My birthday was two days ago, and for my present I found out that I am pregnant. For many people this would be fabulous news! And I really do want children, however due to finances, we really cannot afford to have a baby just yet. We were using ...
A. 12 February 2009: Adoption please. I was adopted. My birth parents were poor and could not raise another child, so they gave me up. I still feel so in awe over them for giving me up, because it must have been very hard for them. And I now feel I am most fortunate to ... (read in full...)
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