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He wants to travel, I don't want him to, what do I do?

Tagged as: Dating, Teenage<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (21 February 2009) 3 Answers - (Newest, 21 February 2009)
A female Australia age 30-35, anonymous writes:

Hi,

I NEED HELP...

I've been with my boyfriends for a while now, and I love him to death there's absolutely no one I could imagine spending my life with. He's my best friend, and we share these same feelings.

My boyfriend and I have experienced so much together and fought to be where we are today.

My boyfriend and I are both going to commence study this year, him for 4 years me for 2.

After my two years of study I hope to get a job photographing for a newspaper and by the time my boyfriend finishes his study I will be in a good job by then. But the problem being, once my boyfriend finishes he wants to leave australia and travel the world for a year or 2.

I won't be able to go with him, as I won't be able to give up my job. But I can't stand him leaving.

I don't want to say goodbye.

I had to say goodbye to my ex, who joined the army and goodbyes hurt WAY TOO MUCH.

My boyfriend said he would give up his dream and get a job after studying and then travel for a few months at a time. But I can't take his dream from him.

I dnt know whether to

1. take his offer of staying and giving up his dream ( even though I believe its the wrong thing to do, I love him too much to see him miss out).

2. Break up with him now so I don't have to say goodbye and deal with it all without him.

3. Or to wait and say goodbye when the time comes.

I love him but its hard to be with him knowing one day it'll all end. But at the same time I can't function without him...

PLEASE HELP!!!

Any comments or past stories are appreciated

View related questions: best friend, my ex

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A male reader, Griffo Australia +, writes (21 February 2009):

Griffo agony auntHey im nearly 30 and i work with a good company and i plan in travelling in about a year for 5 years! if i can do it you can do it too - just because your employed doesnt mean you can't travel. instead go on a "working holiday" where you build your skills at the same time as traveling. For example:

2 years in the UK (you can do this with the appropriate visas)

1 year in France (Australians are allowed to work in france for one year AU and FR governments have an agreement)

While your working and your BF is studying save up cash so you can go travelling with him.

Or i bet by the time you and he finishes study especially after 4 years all he'll want to do is earn some cash and get a job!

You have a while to go but id just cruse along untill that time comes :)

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (21 February 2009):

I don't have any past experiences but...

The countries he wants to visit will always be there.

You won't be.

If he wants you enough he will want to compromise.

But if he doesn't want to stay 110% don't let him he will regret it.

Goodluckers

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A female reader, wonderingcat United Kingdom +, writes (21 February 2009):

wonderingcat agony auntI have both suggestions and past story for you.

Suggestion: Have you considered being a freelance correspondent (or as a photo-journalist) for your papers in Australia, or for those travel books? Those travel guide books always take in updated information on hotels, restaurants, transportation, etc etc etc. They may not pay much, but should be sufficient for daily costs in the places you will visit. I think you should look into this, and start enquiring possibilities and access now. That way, by the time he finishes university, and you will already have 2 years of work experience, you and your boyfriend can travel together. You will need your SLR camera and a small laptop (and extra hard drive? or go to site where you can download many gigs of pics online) .. they will be your lifeline.

Past story: I backpacked every summer during my college, to continental Europe. I left my boyfriend behind, because he was already working, and could only go travel during long weekends. so we only travelled together during those opportunities. It is so much easier to team up with other "lone" travellers, and you can easily spot them .. it is like we were a magnet to each other. I teamed up with a gorgeous Afrikaaner guy for a couple of weeks, and later on joined by his brother (who was even more good looking!) and a very nice Canadian girl for another two weeks. None of us had an actual itinerary, it just so happened that we clicked well and it was easy to make a decision to where we wanted to go next. In Paris, we stayed above a sex show shop :-) I've seen people become short teem couples, and couples breaking up (travelling together puts a great deal of stress on one's relationship - or friendship actually), as well as individuals staying faithful to their partners at home (or so they said anyways .. LOL).

My advice for you is to continue the relationship now as it is, let it grow, and in a few years time as your relationship strengthens (or weakens), you will undoubtedly make the right decision on whether to stay or to go with him. I think he will also do the same. Who knows what the economy is like 2-4 years from now. Who knows how you feel about each other then. Both of you are still very young now to be able to take the time off from work and see the world, when you still have the energy and when you have all the options of work opportunities still ahead of you.

Two other alternatives to taking a long trip (1-2 years) around the world, is (1) take time off in the summer, and make it a tradition to see world in that short period of time each year. You visit less countries, but you will develop more intensive and long lasting memories of each place you visit! and (2)do a long round the world trip after you both retired :-)

Good luck!

Cat

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