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Latest articles:

Love Shouldn’t Hurt: Signs of Abusive Behaviour

This question has 2 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted

21 April 2009: Covered in this article: Ask yourself | What are the signs of an abuser? | What is abuse? | Now what? | Escape plan | Shelters | Summary ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- +++INTRODUCTIO...

< Prev1234567891011121314Next > [14 pages, 529 answers]

Do I support him forever or move on?

Q.   I have been married for 11yrs. My husband has been staying home for the past two and a half years with my daughter. Btw, I have three children, two of them are in school. Basically, I have been working to support my family. My husband worked in the ...

A.   3 March 2009: Only you can decide whether you want to move on or stay with him. Is the grass greener on the other side? List all the pros and cons of being single with small/young children. Seriously, how many husbands or male partners who are distressed t... (read in full...)

I need to get my daughter and I out of my husband's house because he hits us, but I have no clue how!

Q.   I've been with my husband for three years now, been married to him for two. We have a one year old daughter. My husband started verbally abusing me seven months into our relationship, but I didn't really think anything of it until just two weeks ...

A.   1 March 2009: Congratulations and hugs to you for being brave and leave your husband. It took courage, strength and determination. But what I want to say the most, is that I applaud you to want to help others as your career. There are many many differen... (read in full...)

Should I tolerate every wrong than live with the social stigma of being divorced?

Q.   I recently got married to a man who everyone told me was respectable and no one had anything bad to say about him. I saw him once following tradition, my father sat and spoke with him as did my brothers the one thing I asked was that they notice how ...

A.   28 February 2009: Read your pre-nuptial agreement (yes, there should be one ... even it is only a generic one ... sometimes it is attached to the marriage). Make a list of how many of the clauses in the pre-nup had been broken. Then you can assess the strength of ... (read in full...)

Can it really work being friends with an ex?

Q.   can being friends with ex's really work? or are they wanting you to stay in their lives so one day they can come back? i am so inexperienced, my bf broke up with me about 2months ago. we have been together for well over 4 years. we were best friends ...

A.   28 February 2009: Of the three ex-serious b/fs I had (yikes I did not realize I had that many! LOL) .. I only stay in touch with one. Over emails, only on important events in my life. Initially, it was very very hard, despite the amicable breakup. We were simply ... (read in full...)

Have I been single for too long?

Q.   Hi, As a single parent of 2 teenagers still reeling from the effects of acrimonious and lengthy, energy-sapping divorce I have lost all sense of self and fun and ability to enjoy life. Since the failure of this relationship I have had problems with ...

A.   28 February 2009: Yes. But wait, was it him or was it just hot-flushes? LOL ... sorry, I just could not resist it ... http://www.isoflavones.info/hot-flushes.php ... It is always good to "listen" to your body. It has a wonderful way of telling us things deep b... (read in full...)

Is this really a size zero diet?

Q.   If I do a 2-4-6 diet, for example, one day fast, the next day eat 200 cals, the next day 400 cals, the next 600 cals, and then the next fast again, and go round in this cycle would it be possible to get to size zero? With only doing small exersise, ...

A.   28 February 2009: What is your BMI (Body Mass Index)? check it at http://www.nhlbisupport.com/bmi/ or http://apps.nccd.cdc.gov/dnpabmi/ or http://kidshealth.org/teen/food_fitness/dieting/bmi.html Your 2-4-6-diet sounds like 1-2-3-collapse to... (read in full...)

Can you suggest ways that I should confront him?

Q.   I did quite a bad thing: I know my boyfriend's email password and decided to check his mail last week. I came across photograph's of a young man in his underwear with captions. Obviously I want to confront him about this, but without him finding out ...

A.   28 February 2009: Why did he give you his email password? Was it for a one-off occasion? Or, did he expect that just because he gave it to you, it meant that you still should not have opened his emails? (analogy: here's a key to my apartment, but please do not u... (read in full...)

She's looking for a job in the states but I want her to come and live with me.

Q.   I am having this LDR for 4 years now... My girlfriend went to the usa to study and I remained in Holland where I have my own House, and a good job. My girlfriend don`t want to move back to europe because she has a better job opportunity in the ...

A.   28 February 2009: Aaahh .. yes .. LDR. Been there done that. :-( I had a b/f through school, then we were in LDR due to different opportunities school and jobwise. We both found our dream jobs in separate countries ... I guess we were not strong enough for each... (read in full...)

I feel bad for treating him like this and he keeps on forgiving me, what is wrong with me?

Q.   I moved to Denmark half a year ago to be with my absoloutely wonderful boyfriend. but I have been acting strangely lately towards him I can't understand why or where that comes from. I was very depressed for some time because I had no friends, the ...

A.   28 February 2009: I agree 1,000% with SatinDesire. I prefer to stay sober in my joy as well as in my pain (well, it depends on how painful that is ... terrible toothache and severe migrain from MSG intolerance actually require me to take Paracetamol). When ... (read in full...)

He proposed but his mom didn't approve so he broke things off

Q.   hi, i and my colleague were good friends for nearly 1 year.later it turned to love.we both started liking each other.but he proposed me recently.even i said ok...we were close for nearly 1 week.but on feb 13 he told me that his mother wont ...

A.   28 February 2009: If you live in India: If you can't change his mother's opinion, or make him change hers ... go to your mother and ask her to find you a husband (a) who is better looking and richer than your colleague/lover, and (b) whose parents are not ... (read in full...)

She says she doesn't want me to date her since she's sick - But I want her!

Q.   Please tell me what is going on. I met this wonderful girl. She is like no one I have ever met before. And, I enjoyed talking with her more than any girl before, and I can't imagine that I could ever meet anyone where everything she says or even ...

A.   28 February 2009: She is trying to protect both yourself and her from a heartbreak. Is her illness terminal, or debilitating? If you wanted to know up close and personal about standing by, caring for, and feeling the helpless because you wanted to take away the... (read in full...)

Should I tell on her?

Q.   Me and my girlfriend are going through a rough spell. We've dated for about 3 years. I'm a contractor and her house flooded. I did all the repairs, plus more since she's my girl. We'll I did everything but the floors and then found out that she has ...

A.   28 February 2009: Basically, you have one big issue stemming from her addiction to drugs. She has abused your trust, and in this case your trust of her managing your finances (or matters relating to what you have invested). People addicted to drugs (or any negative... (read in full...)

Could sex be used as a way to celebrate friendship?

Q.   I have been working as an English teacher here in Poland. In about a month I am going to leave Poland and return to my home country. My issue involves two women. One woman is also an English teacher at the same language school that I teach at....

A.   27 February 2009: Let me ask you this: Do you think you can substite "birthday cake" or "thanksgiving dinner" or "handshake" with sex? Aren't you a bit naive at your agem and as an English teacher? Your psoting was long, but bottom line is, what you are ask... (read in full...)

My long term b/f has caught me on several dating sites and left. Shall I forgive him?

Q.   My long term bf has caught me in chat rooms and several dating sites over the last 9 months. We argue,like a child he walks out and doesnt come back for a week or so. All i do is harmless flirting and the odd guy i text. We broke up and this time i ...

A.   27 February 2009: If you were already in an exclusive relationship with your b/f, why did you need to put your profile in dating sites? Isn't that the same as proclaiming "I am available"? When you certainly was not - since you were already with him? Cooki... (read in full...)

Should I wait and see what his intentions are or should I get out before I really fall in love with him and lose him and his kids?

Q.   Ok so I've been seeing this guy for a few months now and everything is going great but, he says he does not want a girlfriend. He treats me like his girlfriend we go out on the weekends and stay at each others houses overnight and sometimes for the ...

A.   27 February 2009: Have you asked him the real reason why he said he does not want a g/f? You sound like you spend quite a bit of time with him already, so you have to make sure that he has time out from his children (e.g. after they went to bed) and start a seriou... (read in full...)

Friend using my ideas to do well in another subject!

Q.   i have recently found out that a close friend of mine has been going through my work with the intention of using my ideas to do well in another subject. I am in my final year of school so this is a big issue as it is considered my final work for ...

A.   27 February 2009: Hmmm ... your friend has the fundamentals of being an industrial spy .. and she will probably succeed in the future in being one. LOL Kidding aside, you need to start putting a password in your computer, and possibly even go further and use pass... (read in full...)

Is she the one he subconsciously wants?

Q.   My boyfriend has a very close female friend and perhaps I'm just reading into it too much but it seems to me that she's the girlfriend he's never had. When she walks into the room, he lights up and shouts out her nickname. When he talks to her, he's ...

A.   27 February 2009: Coming from a single woman's perspective, who believes and respects a committed relationship, I guess I would not "hang out" with a man who already has a long term partner when his g/f is away. Unless, I knew his partner really well, and she trusted ... (read in full...)

An unmarried woman calls my husband very often, I'm not sure how far can I trust my hubby in this case?

Q.   Hi My husband and I got married one year back and ours was a love marriage. My husband is generally of humorous type and mingles well with everybody at work. But recently, an unmarried woman calls him very often and he also talked to her ...

A.   27 February 2009: If, to the best of you knowledge, he has shown no signs or confessed to past history of "cheating", I think it would be best to continue to trust him now. It sounds like you already have the fundamentals of a good marriage, where you listen to each ... (read in full...)

Found out that my ex cheated on me, and I feel guilty and have trust issues.

Q.   i just found out my ex (broke up with me less than a week ago) cheated on me. i'm trying to deal with things in the best way possible. i'm not doing psycho ex stuff, or trying not to. i'm letting out steam by talking to my friends. i constantly tell ...

A.   27 February 2009: Yes and No. Yes, the feeling of being sick in your stomach will go away, as you return to enjoying life and have fun again with your friends. No, not all men/women are manipulative. Consider yourself lucky and blessed that you are lea... (read in full...)

I need to get my daughter and I out of my husband's house because he hits us, but I have no clue how!

Q.   I've been with my husband for three years now, been married to him for two. We have a one year old daughter. My husband started verbally abusing me seven months into our relationship, but I didn't really think anything of it until just two weeks ...

A.   27 February 2009: All human beings deserve to be loved and respected, not abused and disrespected. Your primary maternal instincts have kicked in, your daughter's safety first over yours. But seriously, you can only protect your daughter safely when you are well... (read in full...)

Do men upper 50s and older still think about sex often?

Q.   Would men in their upper 50s and older still be into sex (think about sex often, masturbate, visualize having sex, etc.)? Let me explain - this guy and I have known each other for about four or five years; he'll turn 60 next month and I'm 25. We g...

A.   27 February 2009: I think it truly depends on the genes as well as the way a person takes care of him/herself in the health and staminda department. My last relationship - who unfortunately had to end because he had unresolved anger past issues which resulted... (read in full...)

Coping with age and accepting getting old and being single...

Q.   Is being 32 old to some who are 30 years old? I am turning 30 next year, I feel old in comparison to someone who is 28 years old. I am scared of turing 30 because I never had a boyfriend and never had my first off a guy a really like. I am depr...

A.   27 February 2009: You know, we may not realize it, but we are equipped with "receptors" and "emitters" of energy. If you "broadcast" a positive energy, that is what people will receive. So start being positive! If that means going to your doctor to see if you ne... (read in full...)

How do I tell him without sounding like I want to be taken out all the time and not have to pay?!?

Q.   I'm in a relationship with this guy a little over a month now. We see each other on weekends. Every now and then he says, 'so where are you taking me?' I drive. Then he said, 'so you're inviting me.' Meaning I'm paying! I only paid twice for d...

A.   27 February 2009: I am like Satin Desire here. Very old school in this particular topic. Having said that, think, if you are already questioning his approach on payments, what would this be like when you are in a committed relationship with a household (and children) ... (read in full...)

Should I be loyal to a relationship that no longer exists?

Q.   My girlfriend abruptly broke up with me about 5 weeks ago after I had confessed to her that I had been doing speed for a week straight. A quick background: She left a abusive relationship in June. We became exclusive in November. She had d...

A.   27 February 2009: Wow, both of you have issues that need to be approached with serious care. For what it's worth, here's my thoughts: Her: 1. She had an abusive relationship in the past. She probably saw "red flags" with your taking drugs, based on her past... (read in full...)

Are women put off by skinny men?

Q.   I know everyone has different tastes and personal preferences, but in general, are women put off by skinny men? I'm 22, and while I eat like a horse, I just have never been able to put on any tangible weight, and have virtually little...

A.   27 February 2009: Your high metabolism rate is the enby of all women!!! You eat like a horse and you still do not gain weight! As long as your diet is balanced and healthy, you should not be worried. Adrian Brody the movie star is skinny, and he obviously has no ... (read in full...)

I hurt him but I want him back. What more can I do?

Q.   I need advice. I had a wonderful relatively new relationship and I messed up. we had an almighty argument. I said things bang out of order, he gave back, so I said things worse. It was awful, and sadly all done by text. It was out first ever ...

A.   26 February 2009: Without knowing more [as the moderator has commented] on the actual words and context of your "fight", let me just share with you a little bit of my past (but still recent) experience. Men, as well as women, can be the victims of verbal abuse. T... (read in full...)

How to get him to play fair with the household bills?

Q.   This is a long story but here goes. Iv been with my bf for a year now, and i have a daughter (but she is not his, he does treat her like his though). I live on my own with my daughter and im not working at the moment but am seeking, so i am...

A.   26 February 2009: This is a bit tricky, Tux was absolutely correct in his comment. Having said that, I have a few thoughts that you can consider and base your calculation on: 1. Your boyfriend has no responsibility toward the upkeeping of your daughter, so he ... (read in full...)

I'm not really sure what happened with our relationship

Q.   I recently asked for a break from my boyfriend. We have been together for 2 years and I suddenly got frustrated and tired that he was now depending on me financially. i have been the one funding our meals transport and everything. He has a job that ...

A.   26 February 2009: Are you the same person who posted a similar question on 6 Jan 2009? http://www.dearcupid.org/question/im-bitter-from-financially-supporting-the-both-of.html I followed your earlier postings too, which dates back as far as 4 August 2008. ... (read in full...)

Wearing previous engagement ring

Q.   My girlfriend insists on wearing previous engagement rings -- yes, she has a few of them -- when we go out together. When I introduced her to my family, my sister took me aside and asked if I had something to tell her ... of course she drew the ...

A.   26 February 2009: You are absolutely correct with your request and your reasoning was quite legitimate. Her motives may not necessarily be "bragging" about her past relationship, but that she simply likes diamonds! LOL If she does love jewelry, especially diamonds... (read in full...)

Manipulated, lied to, and cheated on by whorehouse

Q.   I don't know what to do! My husband and I have almost been married for a year and we have a 5 month old baby. He had been going out a lot for "business" and would never answer my phone calls or even call me regardless of the fact he was out WAY ...

A.   26 February 2009: If you searched on this site using keywords like "abuse", "verbal abuse", "psychological abuse", "cheating" and so forth, you will find similar answers and good advice from various agony aunts. You will find that you are not alone in this situation, ... (read in full...)

Try again? Or lost cause?

Q.   Okay there is this woman I care for, I have know here for eleven or twelve years, since we was kids. Now she is grown up and has one child, and getting ready to have another. She has told me that the relationship she is now is over but she cannot ...

A.   26 February 2009: Question is, do you like her enough as a friend, to be able to withstand a potential "rejection" by her as a lover? If your answer is "yes", then you are indeed the best friend that she may need right now. If you could afford to help her with her... (read in full...)

My husband is "gay for pay"?

Q.   Earlier this week I came home from work and found my husband in the living room on the floor writhing with another guy. The windows were blacked out. I asked him what the hell he was doing, and he was brazen enough to say he was making guy-on-gu...

A.   26 February 2009: In addition to what Emilysanswers suggestion, I would urge you to also get medical check up for STDs. Did you know that he had brought in extra cash for the family? Did he use it for the whole household/family expenses, or mostly for himself?... (read in full...)

How can I win back my lady's trust?

Q.   I've been in a relationship for 20 years, my partners self esteem has hit an all time low, and she doesn't feel she can trust me. I've been working in a pub with a girl who I've got on really well with, I considered us to be friends but my partner ...

A.   26 February 2009: I hope you are telling us the whole truth ;-) I can't help thinking that your lady may have felt that you have been ignoring her while you were working in a pub, and that you have been talking a lot about her. In other words, you have treated ... (read in full...)

He cannot handle any emotions and I am the one who suffers for it

Q.   He gets angry over things I dont cause and then turns it around and says I caused it. He then overthinks the event and talks to all his older women friends he is 53 they are 65-70. I feel that they are enabling his abusive behavior since they ...

A.   26 February 2009: First of all, when I first came to this site, a good agony aunt (actually, it was an "uncle") gave me the best piece of advice. He said that if had come to the stage where I was questioning my relationship and was already stating an option, then the ... (read in full...)

What do women 'really' want?

Q.   I've come to the realisation that when women talk about they want in men, the words cannot be trusted 100% - sure they may be some truth in what they say but not entirely or either not at all. Actions and behaviour prove the opposite. Women ten...

A.   26 February 2009: You sound like a lovely but very frustrated guy LOL What do YOU want in a girl? Are your criteria being met by girls yet you do not date her/them? Or, did you them them based on your checklist, then discover after you got to know her that there is... (read in full...)

Do I support him forever or move on?

Q.   I have been married for 11yrs. My husband has been staying home for the past two and a half years with my daughter. Btw, I have three children, two of them are in school. Basically, I have been working to support my family. My husband worked in the ...

A.   26 February 2009: ooops .. a bit of a disturbing "typo" in my response to you: wrong: And because you have a mutual agreement on income and expenses, then neither you nor him are in an "equal" position so to speak right (correction) And because you have ... (read in full...)

Are all women the same?

Q.   I am just curious, for those of you (women) out there who are experienced, is there a difference between sizes? If it's small you cant feel much, bigger feels fuller? And if she's loose or tight? Which do you (men) perfer? Are all women about the ...

A.   26 February 2009: kc_100 hit the spot already! (pun not intended) I am a small Asian woman (4'11", 110lbs), not promiscuous, never had any children. My previous partners said that I was very tight, at least initially (to the point that sometimes it hurt). Then ove... (read in full...)

Do I support him forever or move on?

Q.   I have been married for 11yrs. My husband has been staying home for the past two and a half years with my daughter. Btw, I have three children, two of them are in school. Basically, I have been working to support my family. My husband worked in the ...

A.   26 February 2009: Right. Gender roles and current economy. Read your original posting, and replace the word "he" with "she" and "husband" with "wife". What do you see? I would say, a typical household, one where finances are a bit tight. With a young child at h... (read in full...)

I bought a ring to ask him to marry me..

Q.   My boyfriend thinks I am cheating on him; he came home and I was hanging out with one of the people he works with; but we've all hung out before ;and I didn't think anything of it. All me and this guy did was talk about tattoos, concerts, some ...

A.   26 February 2009: At the risk of "spoiling" your surprise to him, could you send him a picture of the ring (and the receipt .. with the nominal value of the purchase blacked out) either to his cell phone ro to his email? Just a small note like "this is what we ... (read in full...)

Should this bug the hell out of me?

Q.   I'm in love with my girlfriend, she is my only concern in this world, and I've let her known that many times. There are things I've told/named her that I've never told to anyone else, namely ex-girlfriends. She tells me I am "her life, her sky, her ...

A.   26 February 2009: Aaahhhh ... young love and romanticism ... how sweet :-) I think you can start "suggesting" her to come up with new phrases to compliment each other. Instead of the now-generic phrases like "sky, mountain, seas" etc etc etc ... say somethin... (read in full...)

How would she of gotten his email address if he wasn't a member?

Q.   i found a email from a girl in my husbands email box that had her email address. she claims to be from adult friend finder and it read this. hey its been like a month or something since we last chatted and I was thinking about you and decided to s...

A.   26 February 2009: If you are married - or in an exclusively mutual committed relationship - you should be enough for each other. Or you make every efforts to be sufficient and/or fulfill each other's needs. Unless he is a Secret Service agent, there should be no re... (read in full...)

How would she of gotten his email address if he wasn't a member?

Q.   i found a email from a girl in my husbands email box that had her email address. she claims to be from adult friend finder and it read this. hey its been like a month or something since we last chatted and I was thinking about you and decided to s...

A.   26 February 2009: Ask him. But, there are at least a few innocent possibilities. Phishing - she gets email addresses from various sources, and was "fishing" out replies from emails she sent. Virus/Worm - also from other people's email address that the o... (read in full...)

How do I deal with the annoying age comments I keep getting?

Q.   Thanks to anyone helping me out on this one. Ok, maybe I am too sensitive but in the last week alone three different guys have brought up my age. I am in my late forties, not exactly train wrecked yet but guys have either said I look good for my age ...

A.   26 February 2009: LOL ... if you are worried what mean say ... that I think you are not that much different from people who gave you the negative comments. Sorry ... But, having said that, there is nothing wrong with doing a makeover - that does not necessar... (read in full...)

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