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Latest articles:

Love Shouldn’t Hurt: Signs of Abusive Behaviour

This question has 2 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted

21 April 2009: Covered in this article: Ask yourself | What are the signs of an abuser? | What is abuse? | Now what? | Escape plan | Shelters | Summary ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- +++INTRODUCTIO...

< Prev1234567891011Next > [14 pages, 529 answers]

We are both history professors and I hate to ask but I need tips on how to pusue this beautiful, intelligent woman!

Q.   I have never been the most confident or the most attractive male and at this point in time. I actually hate to admit that. I am 32 years old, single, have only had three girlfriends in the past, and only had sex with two of them. Now, I know my ...

A.   24 March 2009: Ask her opinion on what music is good for different occasions or moods. Then ask her to help you choose to download from the internet. That will get her talking intimately with you for a while. Plus, you can find out the types of music that she ... (read in full...)

Husband refuses to pull his weight

Q.   I have a problem with my husband. We have known each other for about 2 1/2 years and have been married for about 7 months now. We have been through a lot together, and I have recently immigrated to be with him, and am now trying to get my papers ...

A.   23 March 2009: How long have you known him? Was he like this before you met him? If he is, and even his mother cannot control this behaviour, it sounds like he is borderline OCD (Obsessive Compulsive Disorder). Which means that he needs professional counselling. ... (read in full...)

Torn between my lover and the dream of traveling. What to do?

Q.   I need some help on this. i am 22years old and i live in ireland...ive always wanted to go and work abroad and lately ive been thinking alot about it. i have a girlfriend ive been with for 3years and i am completly torn between what to do...i d...

A.   23 March 2009: There is no "one choice is better than the other" answer here. Your girlfriend may or may not be there for you when you get back. The countries you will be visiting may or may not be there 5-10 years from now (Remember Soviet Union? Germany? Indi... (read in full...)

How to get real results with exercise, diet?

Q.   Hello there! I 'm trying to lose some weight, and I exercise a lot more than I used to. I got a rowing machine, and I go on it everyday, I also go for walks,but I don't seem to lose weight at all, maybe even put some on. With the exercise program ...

A.   23 March 2009: Oh, sorry, I forgot to add that with exercises, (1) cardio burns calories (and loses fat and water - so you need rehydration quickly during and after the exercises) and (2) weights build muscles. That's why you never see cyclists (athletes) have ... (read in full...)

How to get real results with exercise, diet?

Q.   Hello there! I 'm trying to lose some weight, and I exercise a lot more than I used to. I got a rowing machine, and I go on it everyday, I also go for walks,but I don't seem to lose weight at all, maybe even put some on. With the exercise program ...

A.   23 March 2009: First of all, if you have access to a nutritionist in your area, you may need to consult them for the best well balanced diet plan that is specifically tailored for you. A good nutritionist/dietician is always happy to provide consultations to ... (read in full...)

Some creative and inexpensive ideas for a birthday gift would be appreciated

Q.   I need some birthday gift ideas for my boyfriend of two years. His bday is coming up in exactly one month from today, and I would like some ideas on what to get him. I am leaning more towards making him something, like some arts and craft, cookies, ...

A.   23 March 2009: How about a board game with one rule: each losing turn means on losing one piece of clothing. The prize? Whoever lost the most clothes at the end of the game [or if you lost all before it finishes] in the winner! Confused? Yes, so am I actually LOL ... (read in full...)

B/f has aspergers syndrome..what can I do to help him?

Q.   Hello all! I was wondering if there is anyone out there whose parter has mild Aspergers syndrome. My boyfriend whom I love deeply and would do anything for, has this condition. I would really apprieciate ideas on how to help and support him. ...

A.   23 March 2009: Have you contacted any forum or support group for adult people with asperger's syndrome? They probably would have more appropriate answers for you. Asperger Support Network http://seattleaspergers.org/aspieadults.aspx DANDA http:... (read in full...)

Should I be happy that even though he goes out and he gets female attention it's me he wants?

Q.   My boyfriend is gorgeous. He has the charm to go with it that's why I love him so much. Thing is he has lots of friends, female ones too! And I seem to have a problem with this. I know that they fancy him and would love to be with him he gets a lot ...

A.   23 March 2009: I just had a chat with a good friend the other day. Actually, he was confiding in me, not a chat. Yes, he is a very popular person and has loads of attractive female friends. His problem was his grilfriend's insecurities when they are around other ... (read in full...)

Can't get a job and feel worthless!

Q.   Hi. I lost my job to the recession and credit crunch in September and I have been unable to land another job. I've applied for hundreds of jobs. I've had one interview and the rest never bother getting back to me. I even tried to get a job at a ...

A.   23 March 2009: That's right, the current credit crunch is not your fault. What we can do as the ordinary working person is to try our hardest to regain our rightful place in the job-force. You said you have applied for hundreds of positions, and that alone is... (read in full...)

Her libido is way off the richter scale!!!

Q.   I've been with my fiancee for two and a half years. I couldn't ask for a better lady. She's intelligent and absolutely stunning. The thing is though, she has a massive sex drive. She's never satisfied with just vaginal intercourse, she has to have...

A.   23 March 2009: You know, I am sure there are men reading this and saying "can I be her fiance (or wife)? I have no or very little sex life with my partner now". And there are women out there who reads this and said "I'll have whatever she's having, because I need ... (read in full...)

I don't want to be intimate with him, and he is upset about this

Q.   We've been married for 17 years, and I thought I am the one and only in his life. He had recently started a new job that requires really long hours, he practically disappeared from my life and our son's life, it affected our relationship, but I neve...

A.   23 March 2009: When he confessed to have cheated on you, exactly what did he do? Did he have a sexual affair? [I am not saying that emotional affair is OK though] If he had sexual affairs, you have every right to withhold sex from him. At the very least, for ... (read in full...)

8 years of marriage..6 with no intimacy!

Q.   Help!!!! I have been married for 8 years, six of which have been void of intimacy. My husband can't even hold my hand or give me a hug!!! We have had sex once in six years !!!!!!!!!!! We have had counselling which has in no way helped. I hav...

A.   23 March 2009: The reason I asked about his sexuality is because I know someone, a drop dead gorgeous woman and of a very good reputable profession, who discovered that her husband of 15 years was gay. They have 3 children, and she only had sex three times during ... (read in full...)

8 years of marriage..6 with no intimacy!

Q.   Help!!!! I have been married for 8 years, six of which have been void of intimacy. My husband can't even hold my hand or give me a hug!!! We have had sex once in six years !!!!!!!!!!! We have had counselling which has in no way helped. I hav...

A.   23 March 2009: Have you had a heart to heart and honest to God talk, about his sexual preference? Unless he has a chronic ED problem, it sounds like his sexual preferrence may not be like what you had thought it would be. Him being a good father to your dau... (read in full...)

If you have no periods does it mean that you are not ovulating?

Q.   hi. If you have periods does it mean that you are ovulating, i had no periods or at least one every 6 mts untill about a year ago im confused as some say yes and some no. Is it possible to have them and not ovulate?x...

A.   23 March 2009: Just to educate yourself before you go to the doctor, please read up on the following links: Does A Missed Period Mean That No Ovulation Has Occurred? http://www.babyhopes.com/articles/noovulation.html Regular Periods, No Ovulation? ... (read in full...)

My girlfriend was beaten and raped 8 months ago. Now can can't bear me to come near her...

Q.   I have been dating my curent girlfriend for just over 2 years. 8 months ago she was beaten and raped. I have stood by her and tried to help any way I could. I love this girl and can honestly see her as the one. But after 8 months she still isn't ...

A.   23 March 2009: What many forget, is that partners of rape victims also need to understand that they too, need to be educated on how to understand the whole implications of being a partner to a rape victim. The partner is supposed to be there and provide support ... (read in full...)

Any awesome ideas by my honey's birthday?

Q.   I want to make the perfect strip teasing-make you sweat-burn some calories (ha ha) CD. I like things with a good beat and for this genre a seductive lyrical, Some genres i like are: Hip hop, techno, rave, industrial, grunge, rock, etc. Some band...

A.   22 March 2009: This has nothing to do with the music ambiance ... but do wear some sparkly/gold dust/powder bits on your body. Go to a photography shop and get some colored gel sheets to cover you lights. Just ask them for lighting effects advice for the phot... (read in full...)

Why does he text but never follows through?

Q.   I had this guy come on to me and flirt a lot. I told him we could start off as friends and he wanted to see each other. I agreed and saw each other once. We were suppose to see each other again but he kept saying he was to busy and we only ...

A.   22 March 2009: That's just it, for him it is a "game". He offers you a game, and you agreed to play. How to not play the game anymnore? Options: (1) Delete his number so you cannot contact him. (2) Change your own number so he cannot contact you. (3) If you comm... (read in full...)

He doesn't want a relationship with me but...

Q.   I've been seeing this guy for over a year on and off. What I like about him the best that he is very reliable when he says he calls he does, when he says he comes he is on time. Someone that I can count on. Girls, this is rare as you know! He is ...

A.   22 March 2009: Yes, you will inevitably stop sending signals to men who may be interested in you that you are "unavailable". Why? Because you appear to be respect a monogamous relationship. So now you are "closed" to other men while you are with this one. He refu... (read in full...)

LDR over, she cheated on me, now wants me back...I'm sonsure of this

Q.   Oh well, this is going to be a LONG question, so please bear with me and apologies for the length of this. Ok, just about 2 years ago (January 2007) I met this girl. I was a postgrad student at university and she was an exchange student who just...

A.   22 March 2009: Yes, it will happen all over again. You are too nice a person. There is noting wrong in you loving her more than she loves you. But there is something really wrong if you allow her to cheat on you over and over again. Just think. She is a free huma... (read in full...)

We both hit each other but is this domestic abuse?

Q.   I sometimes feel like I'm in an abusive relationship. Me and my fiance fight a lot and it has become physical at times. I hit and so does he. I admit hitting is wrong on any level but I feel like my hitting is justified..is that wrong? I find text ...

A.   22 March 2009: You have two solid answers already about the toxic and abusive behaviour [in this case to each other] in your relationship. You did well in coming to this site, and in doing so, you are showing the first step toward "recovery": i.e. you are "ack... (read in full...)

I want to take charge of the conversation somehow,but I don't know how

Q.   I've been going out (aka - Not yet in a relationship), with this guy for a couple of months. He's really sweet and seems like good boyfriend material but he seems so boring! At first I was overjoyed with how much of a gentleman he is, and didn't mind...

A.   21 March 2009: To add to Star's suggestion: when you play the "guess what people are saying" add the element of "word play" in the game. Or make it fun by imitating accent (and word play .. you know, the kind of mistakes people say when speaking with a different ... (read in full...)

My one night stand 8 years ago my wife has finally dealt with. How do I now tell her a child resulted from it???

Q.   Eight years ago I met my current wife, 3 months into our relationship I had a one night stand, she found out and broke up with me. Then we got back together, it took her many years to forgive and forget about it. This past week I received a call ...

A.   21 March 2009: A slightly different situation, but highlights what q1605 said. A friend of mine had a son from a brief relationship while he and his girlfriend were "on a break" - but they got back together and has now been married for 20 years. While he was s... (read in full...)

Are there any other techniques that I should be aware of that could maximize mine and his orgasms when the time comes?

Q.   My best friend of thirteen years and I got together five years ago on March 23rd and we've just grown so much stronger and closer since. We're both from Christian families and don't believe in pre-marital sex. Well, we're getting married next ...

A.   21 March 2009: There is no single universal "formulae" for techiques that max out your sexual pleasures. Not only would that be boring, but that would also make this site, or Playboy type magazines, they all would be redundant wouldn they? LOL Each person a... (read in full...)

Should I wait till the 6 weeks is up or take it that I am not pregnant?

Q.   Heya. I was just wondering, I have had my last period about 4 1/2 weeks ago which normally I don't have a period for like 6 Weeks. But recently I have been very tired, aching and some white quite thick sticky discharge. I have been told these are ...

A.   21 March 2009: First off, do you want this pregnancy? If you do, get a medical exam to make sure that you are positive or negative. Make the visit asap. Secondly, even if you did not want to get pregnant now, the sooner you know of the result, the better plac... (read in full...)

I think he wants to trap me!

Q.   Help plz!! Today was the first time I had sex with my boyfriend. He didn't use a condom. He said he wasn't going to nut inside of me. I gave him a rag to use when he pulled out. So he claims he used the rag. But when I was cleaning up the room I ...

A.   21 March 2009: to Female Anom - Yes, mind boggling isn't it? Irreversible vasectomy in a 20's male. But I have actually known someone who did do that. Simply because he is a firm believer in the "zero population growth" movement. He still uses condoms for heal... (read in full...)

Accused of being someone else, should I still meet this person?

Q.   If you have been chatting to someone online that you met on an online dating site. Chatting has gone well for many weeks, but then they accuse you of not being you - that you are someone they know pretending to be this fake person, what would you ...

A.   21 March 2009: If he is in the same town as you are, there is no harm in meeting this person, during the day, in a public place, dead center in town, near public transportation (taxi, bus, train). However, isn't it interesting to know how people think [.e.g.... (read in full...)

Should I let my b/f go? I still love him very much

Q.   I'm going to be really honest. I had been with my bf for 3 years. All of our relationship, I introduced my bf to my family and friend but my bf never introduce me to any of his friends or family except only to his son, 6 yr old. He got divorce once. ...

A.   20 March 2009: Troubledtoomuch : LOL This is not about you, this is about the OP If you read carefully, I actually complemented you on your "upgrade". And I did not criticize you either on your "dating other people", I merely said "I don't know his definiti... (read in full...)

Should I let my b/f go? I still love him very much

Q.   I'm going to be really honest. I had been with my bf for 3 years. All of our relationship, I introduced my bf to my family and friend but my bf never introduce me to any of his friends or family except only to his son, 6 yr old. He got divorce once. ...

A.   20 March 2009: oopps ... correction on typo: I wrote .... "an almost classic example of a person who had abused for a while" should be: ..."an almost classic example of a person who had BEEN abused for a while" Sorry about that. (I'm wearing a band aid... (read in full...)

Should I let my b/f go? I still love him very much

Q.   I'm going to be really honest. I had been with my bf for 3 years. All of our relationship, I introduced my bf to my family and friend but my bf never introduce me to any of his friends or family except only to his son, 6 yr old. He got divorce once. ...

A.   20 March 2009: OK. This is going to be as lomg as your posting. Forgive me. Star hit the nail on the head by saying you have a bigger problem than the "comparing" other people through window shopping .. I mean, dating. Your bf has already proven that he h... (read in full...)

How can I make areas of my body lighter?

Q.   Im 26 years old and im still a virgin. The problem i can't go out with a guy is....im very fair in colour but my buds and my vagine is dark in colour which makes me shy to have sex with anyone. I also have dark spots on my bud. How can i make my ...

A.   20 March 2009: Think of your dark spots as your own personal tattoos! They are so unique that no one else in the world have them, You are the sole owner of the patent to those special tattoos on your vagina, your butt, and your nipples! Say those things t... (read in full...)

Her comments about their 'bits' is making me feel self-conscious!

Q.   My g/f keeps telling me about all the blokes 'bits' she sees at work. She is a radiographer so i can see that the medical profession should be used to this but she tells me she has never studied this and that there is no need for them to be naked, ...

A.   20 March 2009: If telling her that you prefer that she does not do in front of you as it really bothers you - thus essentially asking her to respect you - you can also try to have your "sweet revenge" by bringing home a couple of adult magazine with lots of nude ... (read in full...)

I think he wants to trap me!

Q.   Help plz!! Today was the first time I had sex with my boyfriend. He didn't use a condom. He said he wasn't going to nut inside of me. I gave him a rag to use when he pulled out. So he claims he used the rag. But when I was cleaning up the room I ...

A.   20 March 2009: With your experience in having two children already, I don't think you should take a guy's word of promise when having unprotected sex. Unless, of course, he has had an irreversible vasectomy done already. Has he been tested negative for any STD/STI ... (read in full...)

Wedding disaster???

Q.   Huge problem with my wedding!!!!! I come from a very conservative family and they are paying for my wedding. They have invited many of their high profile friends and I feel like it is about showing off their money and not about my guy and I. My guy ...

A.   20 March 2009: As SatinDesire said, whoever holds the purse, should have *more* legitimate say on the wedding. Or, do what some of my friends do. Hire a venue that can have two simultaneous events. If it is a hotel, rent two different (but adjacent) spaces. One ... (read in full...)

Is he cheating on me with my sister? Should I leave?

Q.   Is he cheating on me? Lately my fiance has been selfish. I was sick for example; this entire week and couldn't even get off the couch. I asked if he could please take our daughter with him to the gym. He said "it was too much of a hassle" when I ...

A.   19 March 2009: Sounds like all the cards are on the table for you to read. You just need new contacts or glasses so you can read them. Normally I would write a long response, but to you I will make an exception. Here's what you can do: spend the $1,000 that ... (read in full...)

He turned to religion and now wants to completely avoid sex

Q.   MY boyfriend of six months wants to stop having sex with me... when we started dating our relationship was about sex.. The first thing that we both had in common was that we were very inmate with each other... now he wants to stop having sex because ...

A.   19 March 2009: If sex is important to you in a relationship, than he may not be the right person for you right now. When someone strongly believes in his faith, where absolutism is highly valued, you may not be able to dissuade him against abstinence that his... (read in full...)

His kids treat me poorly and ignore me

Q.   hi, im 23 years old and i have been with my boyfriend for 1 1/2 years, he is 42 years old. my situation is that my boyfriend has been married twice and has 2 kids who are 16 and 18 years old. of course my parents do not approve for starters. m...

A.   19 March 2009: There two things going on here. (1) You are a "threat" to the children and (2) Teenage "rebellion". All these are not within your control, because (a) you are not legally their step mother, and (b) their hormones is theirs not yours. (1) Why are ... (read in full...)

I don't get it..did I do something wrong when we met for our first date! Help me understand!

Q.   Sorry about the length but please do read it all. Thanks! I met this guy online and he was so excited at the prospect of meeting me. He asked me out and planned dinner at the beach. The night we met up something wasn’t right. He seemed distract...

A.   19 March 2009: Again, apologies for even thinking that your real life situation is fictional. Perhaps I have been a bit jaded after discovering that some questions were fictional and posted by serial posters with ulterior motives. Or by someone who keeps refusing ... (read in full...)

Hysterectomy questions

Q.   if you have a hysterectomy can you still have a period and can you still go through menopause?...

A.   18 March 2009: It depends on what type of hysterectomy you will have. Partial or full scale elimination (uterus + ovaries + falopian tubes). I suggest you bring yourself to be knowledgable (and ask very smart questions) when you talk to your doctor the next tim... (read in full...)

I want a baby but the man I love is sterile...

Q.   I'm ready for a baby, physically anyway. Don't give me the "you're too you and financially unstable to support a child".. I don't want a baby right now. That would not be responsible of me. I know I want children... but my fiancee is sterile....

A.   18 March 2009: If you went to a sperm bank, please do an intensive and extensive research before you choose one. Read the fine print. Ideally, you would find one that would have a full medical disclosure on the sperm donor. The donor, on the other hand, ha... (read in full...)

What should I say to her and can she legally try to keep my baby????

Q.   I'm 17 and 7 months pregnant, my bf is 18 and both of our parents were shocked yet understanding when they heard the news. My mom and step dad have offered to help us in any wya they can. But last night I over heard my mom talking to a friend of ...

A.   18 March 2009: I don't think you should worry about your mother taking away your baby as "her own" legally. She will not do that, unless you asked her to do that. You have grown attached to your baby inside you, and of course you are scared that you will not... (read in full...)

How can I help my brother? He was only trying to protect me?

Q.   I'm 21 and most people think I live a very privileged life. I have a twin brother and people call us spoiled, bratty and out of control. I will admit that we have pushed our limited with family, school and the law. But now we both are paying f...

A.   18 March 2009: I'm not sure in the eyes of the law that what your brother did was considered "protecting you". If it happened a few days later, it sounded more "premeditated" than "defending" you. So, if you can afford it, the best way to help your twin bro... (read in full...)

I want a baby but the man I love is sterile...

Q.   I'm ready for a baby, physically anyway. Don't give me the "you're too you and financially unstable to support a child".. I don't want a baby right now. That would not be responsible of me. I know I want children... but my fiancee is sterile....

A.   18 March 2009: A man's infertility is classified into different categories (or causes). For instance, a low sperm count (under 20million sperm heads in 1milli-liter of semen), or his sperm has many anomalies in shape, or low motility, or his semen contains no ... (read in full...)

I don't get it..did I do something wrong when we met for our first date! Help me understand!

Q.   Sorry about the length but please do read it all. Thanks! I met this guy online and he was so excited at the prospect of meeting me. He asked me out and planned dinner at the beach. The night we met up something wasn’t right. He seemed distract...

A.   18 March 2009: Are you the same person who wrote this previous question? One date and I don't understand his actions (10 Mar 09) http://www.dearcupid.org/question/one-date-and-i-dont-understand-his-actions.html It sounds awfully similar, with only m... (read in full...)

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